Chapter Text
For about a year after they broke up, any head of long curly blonde hair would cause JJ to do a double take. For about a year and a half, bright green eyes would cause him to pause. Two years after JJ broke up with Savannah Jones? He really didn’t think about her much at all. They had only dated for around six months, after all. In the grand scheme of things, it was a short relationship. They called what they had between them love; it was more like lust. She was beautiful and soft and safe and sweet and she got along with the other Pogues pretty well. He was wild and strong and passionate and free and they fit together quite nicely, each fulfilling what the other needed. Stupid teenagers on the cusp of adulthood looking for a romantic fling to distract them from the future. Plus the sex was great.
She moved to the mainland to live with her dad after graduation, said something about college and visiting on breaks, but JJ knew it wouldn’t last. He was loyal to a fault when he wanted to be, but a long distance relationship? He wasn’t sure he was cut out for that. So he broke her heart as gently as he could, but she’d still cried and cussed him out - he guessed he deserved that. He said they could still be friends, but when she tried to call a week later, he sent her to voicemail. When she kept calling over the next two weeks, he blocked her. Instagram messages and Snapchats saying Can we talk? I need to talk to you. went ignored. They could have stayed friends, but she just wanted to talk about their past, and he wasn’t okay with that. Sure, he missed her probably just as much as she missed him, but their lives just weren’t compatible anymore. It’s just how life goes. So two years after they broke up, Savannah Jones was just a distant, sweet memory to JJ.
He stayed in the Outer Banks, even as the other Pogues went off to pursue their dreams. Kiara joined the Peace Corps and ended up traipsing around Africa for a couple years. He met up with her in Mexico for a month-long vacation and had the time of his life - he really needed to travel more. Pope went off to Stanford, and on spring break one year, he and JJ toured the West Coast. John B followed Sarah up North for school and JJ visited them, too. Of course, during the holidays they came back to the Outer Banks and it was just like old times, Kiara joining them when her travels allowed it.
The payout from the gold came in by the time the Pogues turned twenty-one. JJ never knew someone’s bank account could hold that much money, but here he was: richer than most of the stuffy Kooks in Figure Eight. So he bought a house. He didn’t go “full Kook,” like they’d all said they would - he realized he could never be comfortable with that kind of lifestyle - but it was still a nice house, with all the bells and whistles and granite countertops (Sarah made a big deal over those). A little bungalow right on the beach, with three bedrooms and a large bonus room on the second floor - enough room for his friends to stay over, a front yard big enough for a dog to run around in, and a small flower garden. The garden had been Kie’s idea. She’d said, “How do you expect to get a girlfriend if you don’t show her your soft side?” He liked working outside well enough, so the garden ended up being a pretty good idea.
He opened a boat repair shop, too. He made sure to hire kids no one else would and paid them well. He offered great deals to people on the Cut. Overcharged the Kooks, though. And he only took enough of a paycheck to avoid suspicion.
He sent money to his dad every month, enough to cover his bills. It assuaged his guilt over not going to visit.
All in all, JJ had it made in the Outer Banks. He surfed in the mornings, worked hard in the afternoons, and spent his evenings with his dog, a mutt named Duke. He could travel anywhere he wanted, any time he wanted, but he always ended up back here, in his little bungalow by the sea. If he’d been more poetic he might have written a book about it. If he’d been artistic, he might have painted a picture. But he wasn’t those things, and that was alright, so he drank in every moment of it as it came.
***
Pope graduated early from Stanford, of course. The Pogues and the Heywards all flew out to see him walk the stage and cheered louder than anyone else as he got his diploma. His mother cried.
He introduced everyone to his boyfriend, Zack. Heyward’s face was unreadable as he shook his hand, but Mrs. H looked elated. John B’s mouth hung open, while Kiara turned to JJ and held out her hand. He sighed and shuffled through his wallet before handing over a twenty dollar bill.
“You’re gay?” John B finally managed to say.
“Yeah, wait a minute,” Pope replied, turning to a snickering Kie and JJ. “You guys placed a bet on - what exactly? Me being gay?”
“Nah man, nothing like that!” JJ laughed.
“No, yeah, we always knew you were gay,” Kie chuckled. “Or at least bi.”
“You guys knew?” John B looked entirely lost. Sarah elbowed him in the ribs.
“We placed a bet on when you’d come out to us,” Kie continued.
“I said you’d wait until you were thirty,” JJ sighed. “Now I’m out twenty bucks.”
“Again, you guys knew he was gay?” John B cried.
Pope facepalmed. “I’m bisexual, if you’re looking for the technical term.”
Later, Pope announced that he and Zack would be moving in together and staying in California. They both had great jobs lined up, and Zack was working toward his master’s degree. JJ plastered on a smile, but didn’t have much to say. Moving away - or deciding to continue living on the opposite side of the country - was all part of growing up. Pope and Zack promised to visit for the holidays; they made plans to fly out for Christmas, and that was that.
The next big change came when John B proposed to Sarah. It was not unexpected, though JJ did lose another twenty bucks to Kie when John B decided not to propose right after high school. John B and Sarah got married in the Outer Banks the summer after she graduated college. It was a small ceremony in the island’s only church, and a massive reception back at the Chateau - it was perfect.
The music was loud, the string lights JJ had impulsively bought years before were lit, and the guests were dancing and drinking. John B and Sarah were in the middle of the makeshift dance floor under the stars, staring into each other’s eyes as if they were the only two in the whole world to exist. JJ couldn’t help but smile. It was their one day to be disgustingly enamored with one another, so he’d allow it for now. A light tap on his shoulder broke his reverie, and he turned to face someone he hadn’t seen in four years. “Savannah!” He cried, and they hugged.
“Hey, JJ,” the blonde smiled. “It’s been a while, but I couldn’t come back to the Outer Banks without saying hi.”
“Shit, yeah, it’s been… four years?” JJ scratched the back of his neck, suddenly realizing he’d reached that stage of life where you randomly run into your high school exes and have to pretend it isn’t awkward. He cleared his throat. “Um, you look good. How have you been?”
Savannah smiled again, slowly, the party lights bouncing off her freckles and her green dress. “Same to you. And uh, I’ve been good. Living in Greensboro, actually.”
“Cool. Did you end up going to school out there?”
“No, I decided college wasn’t for me,” she shrugged.
JJ paused, waiting for an explanation. She had talked about going to college since junior year. It was the whole reason she had moved to the mainland in the first place - what had changed? But she didn’t continue, she just said, “Wanna get a drink?”
They chatted for a short time. She asked where he was working, if he went to school, and he told her about the boat shop and traveling on occasion. If she wondered where he got the money to travel, she didn’t ask, but she did ask if he had settled down. “Nope, just me and Duke,” had been his reply.
“Oh,” she said. “It’s probably going to sound silly, but once I realized we wouldn’t work out, I kind of thought you and Kie would end up together eventually.”
He looked across the dance floor to where Kiara was dancing with Sarah and some of their other Kook friends. Kie and him? Best not to entertain that thought. He shook his head, a half-smile on his lips.
Savannah glanced down at her phone to check the time. “Shit,” she muttered. “It’s getting late.”
“Late? It’s only eight thirty,” JJ laughed.
“Yeah,” she chuckled, a little nervously. “But I’ve got a long drive in the morning.” She paused, as if contemplating something, then said, “Hey, this was nice. Can we - can we catch up again sometime? A lot has happened to both of us in these four years.”
JJ thought about saying no. She was a high school fling, there wasn’t much of a point in catching up. But she seemed eager to see him again. It couldn’t hurt. “Uh, yeah, sure. Is your number still the same? I’ll text you.”
She scribbled down a number on a napkin and handed it to him. “New number. If you’re ever out in Greensboro, let me know.”
And JJ had truly planned to text her. He meant to plan a time to meet up and find out what exactly had changed all the plans she spoke about four years ago, but he never made it to Greensboro. He never even got close to Raleigh, which would have been a reasonable half-way point, except for one time, when he flew out to meet Kie in Thailand - that had been an adventure. Another year passed and the idea of meeting back up with Savannah had left JJ’s mind completely.
***
John B and Sarah moved to Florida shortly after they got married. A marine life conservation effort contacted Sarah about heading up their public relations and the opportunity was too good to pass up. They refurbished the Chateau as a vacation rental and packed up within a month. JJ - and Duke the Mutt - drove with them down to Florida and helped them get settled in. This time around, JJ didn’t bother plastering a fake smile on his face, even though they promised they would visit often. Sarah could tell just how disappointed he was. “Hey,” she said the morning before he left to return to the Outer Banks. They were sipping coffee in the sunlit breakfast nook off the kitchen. “You and Duke could always pack up and move down here with us?” She gestured around indicating their almost extravagantly large house. The Kook life suited Sarah to a T and John B was just along for the ride.
JJ chuckled softly, “You know this ain’t my scene, Princess.”
“Worth a shot,” she shrugged. “John B is going to miss you a ton.”
JJ nodded. “OBX is just a plane ride away.”
Sarah hummed in agreement. “You know,” she mused. “We’ll be back. Nowhere but Kildare has ever felt quite right to me, and I think for all the Pogues. Even Kie and Pope.” She let out a quiet laugh. “I give it two years before Pope has convinced Zack to move back East with him.”
“I say one,” JJ responded evenly.
“Twenty bucks?” They shook on it. Sarah sighed contentedly. “Really, I’m going to enjoy being here, but… it’s not a forever deal.”
JJ nodded.
“Just wait until we all start having kids,” she continued. “We’ll especially want to be closer to home then.”
JJ pulled a face, “Y’all are more than welcome to have all the kids you want. I think me and Duke are just fine on our own.” He reached down to pat the dog’s head.
“JJ and kids?” John B laughed, entering the kitchen. “That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
Sarah laughed, “I think it would be cute! Come on, JJ. If you find the right girl to settle down with, can’t you see yourself having a family?”
JJ shook his head slowly, but he was smiling. “Can’t see it. ‘Sides, I’ve already got a pretty decent family. They’re moving hundreds of miles away to save the whales or some shit, but they’re still family.”
Sarah shed a couple tears as they said goodbye a few moments later. She made JJ promise to visit, and he did on the condition that they visited, too.
***
Kiara had hit the ground running after high school, taking off on a plane and not looking back. She had set foot on every continent, even Antarctica. She had ridden camels and elephants and volunteered in rainforests and savannahs. She had toured cities and castles and small villages and farms. She had seen quite a bit of the world, and even though there were still a thousand more adventures to be had, she knew, after five years of traveling, she was ready for a break. Not the kind of break where she showed up for a holiday, or a graduation, or a wedding. The kind of break that lasted for months or years probably. Where she slowed down and went home and made a life for herself and maybe even dated someone, definitely got her own place and who knows what else. She could always pack up again and there were always vacations to be had, but for now, the Outer Banks were calling.
As she approached the gate, she noticed that JJ had kept up the garden - Kie’s Garden as he had always called it. It looked nice. Duke was outside and he barked a happy greeting. Good , she thought. She had been worried she was showing up too early, but if Duke was outside, that meant JJ was already awake. She made her way to the front door, raising her hand to knock, but before she got a chance, the door flew open and JJ engulfed her in one of his classic bear hugs. “Holy shit, Kie, you didn’t tell me you were coming back!” He cried excitedly. His hair was wet and he smelled of the ocean - he had been surfing.
She giggled, disentangling herself from him and dropping her massive backpack just inside the door. He motioned for her to follow him to the kitchen, where she smelled something cooking. “I didn’t tell anyone,” she said. “It was a last minute decision. What’s for breakfast?”
“No one can stay away from OBX for too long,” he said, waving a spatula at her. “And eggs and sausage. Coffee?”
She hummed in response, sitting on a stool by the counter. Duke nudged her knee and she absently began stroking his ears.
“Are you staying at your parents’?” JJ asked.
Kie made a face. Her parents had wanted her to attend college, get a degree in a useful field , find a nice person to marry. Her decision to collect experiences instead of college credits had been hotly contested and her relationship with them since had been less than optimal as a result. “Nah, I don’t think so,” she said finally. “I wanna find my own place.”
“You can always crash here until you find that place,” JJ offered, setting a plate of food and cup of coffee in front of her.
“Thanks, J.”
The two fell into a routine quickly. Kiara joined him surfing most mornings, even as the summer months gave way to fall. They took turns cooking meals. She did her fair share of the house work and was equally surprised and impressed that JJ did his fair share as well. They both took Duke down to the beach to play in the evenings. JJ helped her find listings for houses and condos in the area, and she helped him balance the books for his repair shop.
Christmas came, and so did the scattered Pogues. Pope and Zack stayed with the Heywards and John B and Sarah went home to the Chateau. But even after all this time, the Chateau easily reverted back to its original function as Pogue Clubhouse, as all of them went back to hang out. JJ’s smile couldn’t have grown any wider as he watched all of his friends joke and talk as though nothing had changed.
Kiara laughed along to some story Zack shared with Sarah as he gestured wildly, when she noticed a distinctly bright bit of metal glint off the lights. “Zachary!” Kiara cried, interrupting his story and jumping up to grab his left hand. “What is this?” She pointed to the thin silver band adorning his ring finger. “Pope Heyward, are you two engaged?”
Zack blushed as Pope laughed, “We were going to wait until Christmas to announce it formally.”
“Dude, you thought you could just not fucking tell us you got fucking engaged?” JJ yelled, wrapping Pope in a headlock in his excitement.
Sarah and Kie began chattering about wedding plans and gushing over the ring and begging for the story of the engagement.
“Okay, okay, fine, JJ, let me go!” Pope cried. The other Pogues gathered close around the newly engaged couple like children on Christmas waiting for the story. “It’s not some crazy story,” Pope continued. “I just woke up one morning and decided, fuck it, we’ve been together three years at this point, why wait?”
“He didn’t even have a ring at this point,” Zack chimed in.
“Right, so we went to the park where we had our first date and I just asked.” Pope smiled. John B and JJ let out a chorus of overly-sappy awws.
“And then we went and got a ring,” Zack laughed.
Kie and Sarah chanted, “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!” And when they did, the group erupted into wild cheers.
The mood for the rest of the evening was celebratory, drinks flowing. By the time midnight rolled around, the Pogues were quite tipsy. Even Duke sat in the corner nodding off as the evening wore down. “I haven’t drank like that in a long time,” Sarah giggled sleepily.
“Me either,” Zack groaned good-naturedly. He shifted in his seat on the couch, so he could catch Pope’s eye, “Sorry, babe, but I’m no good to drive.”
Pope was dozing on his fiancé’s shoulder, but he stirred just enough to say, “Yeah, me either.”
“Stay here!” John B said, too loudly. “Just like old times!”
“Nah, but almost,” JJ said. “Old times included weed and you and Sarah sneaking off to your room early.”
Sarah already flushed cheeks went redder, but she giggled. “I mean,” she said. “John B and I can still sneak off if you really want it to be like old times.”
“Hey, look at her making jokes!” JJ laughed. “She’s finally one of us.”
“J,” Kie moved one of her feet off JJ’s lap and nudged his chest. “You’re the only one who makes inappropriate jokes. Usually.”
Even though they were all older, it did feel like old times, all sleeping under the same roof. The next morning was sleepy, cold and gray. Kie made a cup of tea, and went out to the porch, wrapped in a quilt. Sarah joined her shortly after. “You sleep okay?” She asked.
“Yeah,” Kie smiled, offering Sarah a corner of the quilt to wrap around her own shoulders. “JJ let me take the pullout. Though he was offended when Duke chose to sleep at my feet instead of his.”
Sarah chuckled, then said, “So you’re still living with him, right?”
Kie nodded, taking another sip of her tea.
“You’ve been back since, what, July? I’d have thought you’d have your own place by now.” Sarah had a gleam in her eyes that made Kiara nervous.
“I just haven’t found a place I like,” Kie insisted.
“But you found a job you like.”
That was true. Kie had found two jobs she adored. She volunteered with a group that protected sea turtle habitats and she taught private music lessons a few days a week at an academy of music on the mainland, right off the ferry. Kie sighed. “Yeah, I guess… we’re the only two Pogues left around here. It’s amazing when y’all come back to visit, but it gets pretty fucking lonely when you’re not here. We enjoy one another’s company.”
“Hey, no judgement here,” Sarah smiled. “I will warn you: we all have bets going on when you two will just admit your feelings and get together.”
“Not gonna happen, Sar,” Kie laughed. “No feelings to admit.”
The holidays went by peacefully. Christmas Eve was spent Pogue Style with lots of booze and games and a very sweet and totally mature gift exchange. Christmas Day was spent with each Pogue’s families, and if anyone was surprised that JJ went to the Carreras for Christmas dinner, they didn’t say anything.
The Pogues rang in the New Year at the Chateau. As the countdown ticked to zero the couples were too busy kissing the new year in to notice the kiss JJ pressed to Kie’s cheek. As their first act after midnight, John B and Sarah announced that, after almost two years in Florida, they would be moving back to the Outer Banks that summer.
“Here I was thinking you were announcing you’re pregnant,” Kie said, a faux pout on her lips.
“With the amount of alcohol you’ve seen me consume this season?” Sarah laughed. “Give it a little more time, Kie.”
The holiday season closed with the Pogues parting ways once again, albeit very temporarily. Kie went back home with JJ and began looking in earnest for a home for herself.
***
A late January Sunday found JJ napping on the couch. The bright North Carolina sun streaming through the windows could almost be confused with summertime, if the air weren’t laced with a biting chill. Duke stretched out across JJ’s feet, dog and master snoring softly. JJ shifted as a flash of yellow curls danced across his dream. A pair of green - no, blue eyes blinked at him slowly and he sat straight up, the dream fading as he came back into consciousness. He looked quizzically at Duke, as if the mutt could explain what he just dreamed, but the dog just snuffled before sighing and continuing his own nap.
The lock turned, and Kiara came bustling through the front door. She had been at an obligatory once-a-month Sunday brunch with her parents, so her jeans were not torn and her sweater was not oversized and not JJ’s, contrary to her traditional winter wardrobe, and, of course, brunch had run long. Her mouth was set in a hard line and her brows were furrowed, but when she caught sight of JJ, hair on end from his nap and the same confused expression he’d just given Duke still plastered on his face, her eyes softened. “Hey, everything okay?” She asked.
He cleared the sleep out of his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, just had a weird dream. How was brunch?”
“Um, good,” she said, then paused. She took off her coat and hat and draped it over the chair by the door. She crossed to the couch, sitting where JJ’s head had been. He laid back on her lap and she laced her fingers through his hair. An outsider would have smiled at their casual intimacy, but it was just a Pogue thing, right? They’d always been touchy-feely.
“Just good?” JJ mumbled, eyes threatening to close again as Kie continued running her fingers through his hair.
“Yeah, so,” she paused again, then her words came out in a rush. “So you know my mom is still friends with Mrs. Jones, right? Savannah's mom?”
“Savannah?” JJ’s still half-asleep brain was struggling to catch up.
“Savannah Jones. Your, uh, your ex from senior year. She was at John B and Sarah’s wedding. I saw you talking with her.”
“Yeah, yeah,” JJ sat up, and turned to face her. “Yeah, I know. What about her?”
“Um,” Kie played with the end of one of her curls, now that her hands were unoccupied with his hair. “So on Friday, Savannah was in a terrible car accident. A drunk driver hit her head on.”
JJ’s brow furrowed, taking in what Kie said. A car accident. So she was hurt or worse… He hadn’t thought about Savannah in years, so the guilt he felt now was uncalled for, right? Two years ago, she’d just asked to catch up to be polite, so it wasn’t a big deal that he’d never contacted her. It was just something people said when they hadn’t seen each other in ages.
“JJ, she didn’t even make it to the hospital.” Tears shone in Kie’s eyes as she finished her statement.
“She’s dead,” JJ said. It wasn’t a question, he knew what Kie had meant. Yeah, now his hesitation to text her felt like a big deal. A big fucking deal.
“J, I’m so sorry,” Kie said. “I know it was almost six years ago, but it’s still hard when someone you cared about… goes like that.”
“Yeah, it sucks.” He didn’t love Savannah. He figured he probably never loved her, not truly. But he had cared about her. He’d never wanted her to get hurt, and to die in that way… no one deserved that.
“God, she is - was our age,” Kiara said. “She was only twenty-three.”
“Shit.” A lump had lodged itself in JJ’s throat, completely unbidden.
“It’s okay to be upset, JJ. You didn’t have to love her to mourn her.”
The other Pogues called when they heard the news. Pope first, then John B and Sarah. Each of them took the news hard, in their own way. They had liked Savannah when she and JJ were together. Sarah had kept in contact with her the most, texting her every once in a while. Each of the Pogues regretted that they hadn’t maintained that friendship, but what was there to do now?
“JJ, how are you handling this?” Sarah asked, point blank.
“I’m fine,” he said, and he meant it.
As the rest of the week wore on, it proved true. He sent a card to Savannah’s parents, at Kie’s urging, since they couldn’t make it all the way to Greensboro for the funeral. His mood was notably more somber, and, of course, when others around Kildare mentioned her name, he seemed appropriately affected. But, otherwise he was alright. Kiara watched him like a hawk to ensure he didn’t fall back on old habits (when John B and Sarah went missing, he nearly drank himself to death), but he managed to cope just fine. At the end of the week, Kiara asked, “Are you really handling everything okay?”
“I think so,” he said genuinely. “This is a shit situation, and it’s weird to think about never seeing her again. I feel bad for her parents.”
“From what I heard, she didn’t have a great relationship with either of them,” Kie said. “My mom said they’re full of regret for not fixing things before… she died.”
“That’s weird,” JJ said.
“What? It’s normal to regret things you said or didn’t say when you lose someone.”
“No,” JJ insisted. “She was really close with both of her parents in high school, even though they split up. Her mom was a little pissed that she chose to live with her dad for college, but they always worked things out. Least dysfunctional family I knew.”
“Oh, that is odd,” Kie mused. “Maybe it had something to do with her deciding not to go to college.”
JJ opened his mouth, as if to speculate further, when the doorbell rang. No one they knew used door bells, so for a moment JJ and Kie stared at each other, mouths open. The bell rang again, and Duke let out a single bark in protest. JJ moved to open the door, Duke on his heels.
A tired, but professional looking woman stood at the door. By her side was a small girl with messy curly blonde hair and big green - no, blue eyes. “Are you Jesse Maybank?” the woman asked.
“Yes, and you are?”
Kiara came up behind him. “J!” She hissed, indicating the little girl in front of them. He gave her a quizzical look, not understanding what she was trying to silently communicate.
“Oh, yes,” the woman said. “My name is Carrie Myers.” She showed them a card. “I’m with Child Services.”
The furrow in JJ’s brow deepened, and he didn’t say anything.
“Come in,” Kiara said, realizing JJ would keep them on the doorstep forever. “I’m Kiara.” She extended her hand toward the woman, Carrie, who shuffled her papers around to return the handshake. Kie gestured for them to follow her into the living room, and sent Duke into the yard. The little girl slipped off her shoes and set down the backpack she held, making sure it sat neatly by her shoes. She walked to the nearest chair and climbed up into it. Kiara crouched next to her chair. “What’s your name?” She asked.
The little girl smiled shyly, and glanced at Carrie, who nodded. She said, “My name is Sage Lynn Maybank.”
Kiara’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline, causing the smile to fall from the little girl’s face.
“What?” JJ said, fixing a glare on Carrie. He looked ready to explode.
Kiara coughed, frantically thinking of a way to remove the little girl from the room before JJ started yelling. “Hey, Sage, do you like puppies? We have a really cool puppy and he loves to play.” She turned to Carrie, and asked, “Is that okay?”
Carrie nodded, and said to JJ, “Mr. Maybank, why don’t we talk on the porch?”
Kiara took Sage to a far corner of the yard where she showed her how to throw a tennis ball for Duke to chase. Within a few minutes the cold January air was filled with happy yelps from Duke and giggles from Sage.
Carrie turned to JJ, her mouth opened as she began to speak, but he interrupted her, “Is this some kind of joke? How does that kid have my name?”
“I’m so sorry to spring this on you. Our records indicated you knew about her.” She shuffled through her papers and presented a file with Sage’s name at the top. “Her mother is - was Savannah Jones, recently deceased.”
“Shit,” JJ breathed. He scanned the document looking for her birthday. He did some quick math - she was born eight months after Savannah moved to the mainland, right after high school. “She’s almost five?” He asked.
Carrie nodded. “If you look here, you’ll see you are listed as her father on the birth certificate. I’m guessing Ms. Jones forged your signature?”
JJ shrugged, “I had no idea she was pregnant.” He eyed the woman in front of him skeptically, as if he didn’t believe anything she’d said.
She sighed, “Again, I’m sorry. You should have been contacted by my department previously, so I assumed you were expecting us.”
“I’m sorry, Ms-“
“You can just call me Carrie.”
He nodded. “Carrie. I didn’t hear from anyone in DCS.”
“Shit,” she muttered. Then a blush crept into her cheeks as she realized what she said. “Oh, sorry. I’m new in my department and they are so disorganized. It’s honestly a miracle we found you in the first place. Anyway, you should have been notified that, as her father, you still have rights. Now that Ms. Jones is deceased, you are Sage’s legal guardian.”
“What?” JJ cried. “No, no, no. Even if I am her - what about her grandparents? Savannah’s parents?”
“Well, if you choose to sign away your rights, they would be the next people we would contact, but to be quite frank, we already know they want little to do with her. You’re her best option, Mr. Maybank.”
“Best option?” He laughed harshly. “Listen, lady, I know you don’t know me and you’re just doing your job, but if you think I’m that kid’s best option, something is seriously twisted. I’m not cut out for this kind of thing.”
Carrie set her mouth in a hard line, her professional manner wavering. “Well, listen to me, Jesse. Can I call you Jesse?”
“I prefer JJ-“
“Jesse, I did do some research on you before bringing that little girl here. I know you were in and out of the system for years before settling with one of the finest foster families North Carolina has seen-“
“That information is sealed,” JJ interrupted.
“We have our ways,” she insisted. “The Heywards were the best thing to happen to you. Before that you were a mess. I know about your record, even if it was expunged when you turned eighteen. And I know what, or rather who started you on that path. Now, think. Think very hard, Jesse, and imagine where your life would be if the Heywards didn’t step up like they did. Ms. Jones worked her ass off to provide for that little girl, and I would hate to see her get chewed up and spit out by a system that almost failed you.”
JJ’s lips parted as if to respond with something snarky, but the words died on his tongue. He didn’t have to try very hard to imagine where he would have been. He saw where that path led his father, his uncles, his cousins. Nearly every day since he had been placed with the Heywards he envisioned the life he could have led. Whether or not Sage was really his daughter - and all evidence pointed to the conclusion she was - he couldn’t be the reason another kid cycled through house after house, looking for home. “I, uh,” he stuttered. “I can’t promise anything.”
“I understand,” Carrie said. “Again, I’m sorry my department messed up. It’s unorthodox , but the family Sage is currently staying with is just a ferry ride away, and they will gladly let her stay another night. If you could please have an answer for me by tomorrow afternoon, that would be great. Then we would have time to make arrangements one way or another.” She handed him her card.
JJ nodded absently, still clutching the paperwork Carrie had handed him.
“I haven’t told Sage who you are yet, but she’s a smart girl. She’ll figure it out eventually,” Carrie said, almost to herself. She stood and crossed to the small pathway leading from the porch to the gate. “Sage,” she called. “It’s time to go. Let’s get your backpack.”
“Okay!” The little girl called. She cooed at Duke and gave him a million kisses before running back to the house to get her bag. She was a ball of energy. When she came out of the house she ran back to Kiara and threw her arms around her legs. “Thank you for playing with me, Miss Kie!” She cried. And then they were getting in Carrie’s car and driving away. JJ hadn’t moved from his place on the porch.
It wasn’t until Duke came and nudged his knee that he realized Kie was waiting for him to come inside. He moved robotically to the couch and when he sank into its cushions he felt smaller than he had felt in a long time.
“Well?” Kie said, pointing to the papers in his hands.
“It’s a girl,” he chuckled dryly, handing them to her.
“Shit,” she sighed. “How did you manage to keep that secret? That Savannah had your baby?”
JJ winced at her words. “I didn’t know.” His voice sounded impossibly childlike.
“She never told you? You didn’t know she was pregnant?”
He shook his head. “I must have knocked her up right before she moved and…” He thought back to all of the missed calls and messages from her right after they had broken up. Then later when she asked to catch up. “Fuck,” he muttered. “I think she tried to tell me, but I ignored her calls. I wanted a clean break.”
Kie pulled a face. “Nice. And you didn’t think maybe there would be consequences to that one time you forgot to wrap it up?”
He chuckled and shoved her shoulder playfully. Her attempt to lighten the mood was successful. “I was eighteen, Kie. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all times.”
“Oh, you mean you were high most of the time,” she laughed. Then her face dropped. “So they’re sure she’s yours?”
“Did you see her?” He groaned, the mood returning to its dismal origins.
Kie nodded. “If her hair was shorter she’d be the spitting image of you. Energy level to match.”
“Her birthday is eight months after Savannah left.”
“So no doubt about it then,” she sighed. “Wow. What are you gonna do?”
JJ jumped up and began pacing, running his fingers through his hair. “Hell, if I know. I’m her legal guardian, so they’re expecting me to take care of her.”
“What about Savannah’s parents?”
“They can have her if I sign away my rights, but they don’t really want her, so chances are she ends up in the system.”
“Ouch, guess we know why their relationship with Savannah was strained,” Kie said, then paused. Her next words came out slowly, “So, I guess we need to turn that third room into a little princess paradise, huh?”
JJ blanched and dropped back onto the couch. “Kie, I can’t do this.”
Kie set her face determinedly. “Yes, you can do this, JJ. First of all, she’s your daughter and I know for a fact you won’t let anyone else take care of her, even if you just met her, because that’s who you are. Second, you’re not doing any of this alone. I haven’t moved out yet, so I’ll still be around to help out - assuming DCS is alright with it. And John B and Sarah will be moving back up here soon. I think Sarah is looking for a way to tone down John B’s baby fever, and what better way to do that than some good old fashioned babysitting?”
JJ let himself chuckle, though it came out strained. “This is a terrible decision,” he laughed.
“No, the terrible decision was you deciding to have unprotected sex about six years ago,” Kie teased. “But Sage seems like a wonderful little girl. She’s the best kind of surprise. It’ll be an adventure.”
JJ looked at the papers Kie had discarded beside her on the couch. The small thumbnail of Sage smiling so wide her cheeks covered her eyes stared right back at him. She looked like an adventure alright. JJ had never wanted children, and here he was thrown into fatherhood with an almost-five-year-old. Maybe it was a terrible decision, but if he was being honest with himself, he had no choice. He’d known as soon as he heard her name that there was no getting rid of the little girl with curly blonde hair and green, no blue eyes.
“Okay, we’re doing this,” he said to Kie, eyes wide.