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Reggie’s parents liked to fight, so much so that sometimes it seemed like that was all they did. He couldn’t remember a time before his evenings were filled with his walkman turned all the way up to drown out yells coming from the kitchen (or the living room or the hall or their bedroom or anywhere else, really), or a time before he went to bed with a pillow pressed over his ears. He couldn’t remember the last family dinner where they made it through the whole meal without anything happening. He wasn’t sure that there was a time where home ever really felt like home.
They would fight about anything and everything, but his parent’s favourite topic for “discussion” was Reggie. His grades or his music or his happiness or how gangly he was or his inability to play sports… They’d scream about his lack of friends and how the other should have loved him better. She’d yell that he was never home and he’d bark that if she took better care of the house maybe he’d be home more. She would throw a cup and he would punch the wall and then they’d both freeze before yelling at each other to quiet down so they wouldn’t wake their son.
It was pretty ironic, he supposed. They spent all their time yelling about him, and none of it talking to him.
When he found the band, he thought he was saved. He could escape to the garage or to one of their houses when he needed to not be at home, to get away for a few hours. He had friends to hang out with and music to pour his heart into and he finally had a place that felt like home . To top it off, there were lots of pretty girls who wanted to go with a guy in a band. Cassandra had been one of those girls.
Reggie first met Cassandra in the spring of 1994. The band had been, well, “performing” outside of a club on a Saturday night, taking up a spot right in the front and playing to anyone who would listen until security threatened to call the police. Cassandra had been watching them play from across the street and followed after them when they packed up and took off. She was gorgeous, just a bit shorter than Reggie with wavy brown hair pulled half up with a scrunchie. When she’d shyly offered Reggie her number, writing it on his hand, he’d been so shocked he almost didn’t hear her ask his name.
'It’s- it’s Reggie.”
“Well Reggie, feel free to gimme a call sometime.”
Eyes wide, he stared after her as she walked away, shouting at the last second. “I will!”
When he turned around, Alex, Luke, and Bobby burst into laughter. They made fun of him for the rest of the night about how he’d been the literal opposite of smooth, but at the end of the day Reggie was just ecstatic that a girl had thought he was cute. He gave her a call that night.
Their first date went really well. They’d gone roller skating and had a blast, walking around town afterwards. When he’d dropped her off at home she’d kissed him on the cheek and he couldn’t stop smiling for hours.
Their next date was just a phone call, but it was on a day when neither of his parents were home, so he was able to talk with her for hours without interruption. They talked about music, and when he found out that she liked country as well as rock he realised that minute he knew her, he liked her more and more.
Their third date was the mall. They’d wandered around for ages, made wishes in the fountain, and looked at CDs. Towards the end he bought her a scrunchie the same colour red as his guitar. He kissed her goodnight on the porch of her house, and from then on Reggie and Casandra were officially together.
They went on more dates over the next few weeks, Cassie coming to watch them practice and cheer them on at their fake “gigs” outside of clubs like the one where they’d met. She loved to hang out with him, whenever possible. It was nice to have someone who wanted to be around him all the time, who wanted to hear about his day and about his plans for tomorrow. It was nice to feel wanted. The boys made him feel wanted too, but it wasn’t the same. They had their lives and their families, he just had himself. Cassandra seemed to get that, seemed like she wanted to make up for the lack of attention he got at home.
It only felt right to go along with her when she suggested he was spending too much time with the band. They didn’t really need to always be hanging outside of practice times, and if Cassandra wanted to spend another couple hours a week with him, who was he to disappoint? She always seemed so dejected when he left to go do things with them instead of her, so eventually he just… stopped. He made the decision that he would stop making plans with his bandmates, but if they invited him out when he wasn’t busy then he’d go with them. It just ended up being that he was always busy, because if he wasn’t with Cassandra then he was at home, or on the phone with her, or waiting for her. He didn’t even notice when he stopped getting invited out.
One say when he was walking Cassandra home from a practice, she pointed out that the other guys had made a lot of jokes that he didn’t get, inside jokes he wasn’t privy to. She swung their clasped hands between them and frowned a bit before saying something that hurt Reggie in ways he didn’t know he could hurt.
“They’re acting as if they don’t need you, Reggie-bear. If they were your friends they’d invite you out with them, don’t you think? I just hope they don’t kick you out of the band, that would be so mean.”
And that thought stuck in Reggie's head, looping over and over and over. What had happened to his relationship with the band? They had been his friends, and now they couldn’t even be bothered to invite him to hang out? They’d made plans for the weekend right in front of him and not mentioned his name once! He’d gone from having nobody to thinking he had three people to thinking he had four people, but now he knew that he only had one. Cassie was the only one who really cared about Reggie, no one else was even bothering to pretend anymore.
It was weird though, because Reggie had really felt that the boys liked him as much as he liked them. Cassandra pointed out that Reggie liked to believe the best of people, and that sometimes he was wrong. She said she would help him figure out when someone was actually nice or if they were just pretending. He was so lucky to have her to help him out, and she reminded him of that often.
“Where would you be without me, Reggie?” She would ask when they were cuddling, holding him after he’d had a bad night at home.
“Alone.” He’d reply, snuggling closer.
“What would you do if you didn’t have me?” When she would bring him lunch to school because no one in his house had done groceries.
“I’d starve.” He’d reply, pulling her onto his lap.
“Who else would put up with you?” After she’d helped him with a math problem where he made the same mistake four times before catching on.
“Only you.” He’d reply, smiling up at her.
---
The first time she slapped him, he deserved it. She had been helping him with his science homework, and he’d been asking her to explain the same concept for over an hour. It felt like he was trying to do a puzzle but seven different ones had gotten mixed up and he didn’t know which piece belonged to which puzzle. They’d gone over the problem in class today, but it had made even less sense then than it did now.
Looking up at her from beneath his eyelashes, Reggie chewed at his bottom lip. “I’m sorry, Cassie. Can you explain it one more time? I just don’t-”
His face stung, head whipped to the side with the force of her hit. Raising a hand up to his cheek, he turned back to face her as tears welled up in his eyes.
“I can’t be explaining this to you all night, Reggie-bear. I have my own homework to do too. Anyone other than me would have stopped after the second time you asked, but I’ve gone over it with you for an hour and you’re still not getting it!”
She was right. She had her own things to do, and here he was distracting her with his stupid inabilty to grasp a simple concept. He started to gather his things, placing them in his bag so that he could leave.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Reggie looked up, his eyes wide. “I’m sorry. I was just- I was packing up to go, you know, so that I don’t bother you anymore.”
“No. Stay here. How ‘bout you just sit there and try to figure it out on your own while I do my work, okay Reggie-bear? I’ll let you stay if you promise not to distract me.”
Grateful that she was letting him stay, Reggie unpacked his notebook and opened it back up to the problem. While she worked diligently on her classwork, he stared and stared and stared at the question, willing it to make sense. It didn’t.
When Cassie finished, she kissed him goodnight and sent him on his way, thanking him for coming over and for keeping his promise. He was so high off the praise that he didn’t even notice the budding bruise on his cheek.
---
What Reggie had thought was a well-deserved one-off quickly became a regular occurrence. If they were alone and he did something she didn’t like, she would slap him. If they were in public, she would pinch, anywhere she could reach that would hurt. She always had a reason, and a good one. Who else would put up with his incompetence even if her reasons weren’t good, though? Certainly not anyone from Sunset Curve. They all but ignored him outside of practice now, not that he ever really saw them outside of practice.
Reggie started wearing more layers, going from a t-shirt and flannel to long sleeves under hoodies, both to hide the marks left on his arms from the pinches, and to limit the places where she could pinch. He ended up having to buy some concealer too, to cover up the bruises. He didn’t want anyone to see them and ask, because then he would have to explain all the mistakes he’d made to cause them.
He had met Cassie in April, and by the end of July he’d gotten used to sweating all the time under his layers and makeup. He only played music when he was practising or performing with the band, and everything he did, he did with Cassie.
It wasn't until one day late in August that he was around other people without her. Cassie had long-standing plans with a group of her friends that Reggie wasn’t allowed to join in on, so she dropped him off at band practice and left. For the first time in literal months Reggie was hanging out with his bandmates and former friends without the supportive presence of his girlfriend, and he was terrified.
Him and Cassie had fought the night before, because she wanted him to blow off practice since she couldn’t come. Music was the hill that Reggie was willing to die on though, so matter how much she knocked him around and pleaded with him, he didn’t budge. He felt so guilty about upsetting her, but he loved playing his bass with the guys and he only got to do it twice a week as it was. Concealer had been applied quite liberally that morning though, and as makeup is wont to do when one is sweaty, it began to run. Usually it wouldn’t matter, because he would just have on a bit and when it ran it was barely noticeable. This, though? This caught the attention of the boys.
Doing a double take, Luke brought his fingers up to his own cheek. “Hey Reggie, you’ve got a little something on your cheek. Dirt, maybe?”
Reggie winced as he dragged a hand across his face where Luke had indicated, the new bruises tender to the touch. When he pulled his hand away and saw the makeup smeared on his palm, he knew he was screwed.
“Wh- what’s up with your face, man? And are you wearing makeup ?”
At the tone of Luke’s voice, Bobby looked over too. “Woah, dude. You look like someone went at you with a meat tenderizer! No wonder you were wearing makeup.”
Looking around for Cassie and coming up empty, Reggie shrunk in on himself, unsure how to reply. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”
“Are things at home getting worse, Reggie? You know you can always spend the night at my house if you need it.” Alex had the gall to actually look sincere and honest, as if he cared what happened to Reggie.
“Yeah, right. I know what you guys really think of me, that the only reason I’m still in the band is ‘cause you haven’t found another bassist yet. You don’t have to pretend for my sake.” Ripping his bass off, Reggie stalked over to the couch and started gathering his stuff. He didn’t notice Luke coming up behind him ‘til it was too late. Reggie turned around to head out the door, only to come face to face with the guitarist. Luke raised up a hand, and Reggie flinched.
Reggie flinched, but he stayed otherwise still, because it was always worse when he tried to get away.
Reggie flinched, and Luke brought his hand up to Reggie’s face.
Reggie flinched, and then there were fingers on his chin, tilting his head to the side as Luke gently examined the bruises on his cheeks. “I don’t know what you think we think, Reggie, but I’m not pretending about anything, especially not in this garage. This is the one place that I feel safe to be myself. This place and you guys are my home , and none of us should have to pretend here.”
Home. Safety. Reggie had thought he knew what those meant, thought that Cassie was those things. But before he’d had Cassandra, he’d had Sunset Curve, and he had been happier with them than he’d ever been with Cassie, excluding maybe the first few weeks of their relationship.
His parents fought all the time, and sometimes it seemed like that was all they did. They claimed to love each other, but spent all their time screaming. In spite of that, they never hit each other. Sometimes they would get violent, but even his parents, with their awful relationship and horrible communication skills, never physically harmed each other. If he followed Cassie’s logic, that she only hit him when he deserved it, to help teach him what was right, his parents should have been brawling since before he was born. And if he followed her logic that slapping him when he made a mistake would stop him from making it again, how come Luke had never slapped him when he messed up the base line or fudged the lyrics?
How come he’d expected Luke to slap him for talking back?
As Reggie looked at Luke, at his furrowed brows and the small frown on his face, at the concern pouring from his eyes, he could feel his lip start to quiver and his eyes welling up. In seconds his body was wracked with silent sobs as tears streamed down his face, and Luke was joined by Alex and Bobby.
“Like I said Reg, you’re always welcome at my house. Do you need a place to stay, to get away from your parents?” Alex reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Reggie flinched when it happened, but he hoped the reaction was hidden by the crying. “N-No. I don’t- It’s not my- my parents.”
“If it’s not your parents then who’s beating you around? Tell me his name, I’ll track him down.” Bobby started looking for something, probably a pencil to write down the name.
Reggie just sobbed aloud, whole body quaking. Alex pulled him in and encased him in his arms, and Reggie buried his face in the taller boy’s chest.
Quietly, so as not to startle him, Alex asked the question this time. “Who did this to you, Reggie?”
Equally as quiet, Reggie replied. “Cassie.”
---
It wasn’t easy, getting out. It was even harder trying to figure out which of the things he felt were real and which were influenced by Cassandra. It took months before Reggie could see a hand raised towards him and not flinch, and even then only if it was slow and only if he could see that it was one of the boys. He discovered that Alex was a much better tutor than Cassie, and that you could like hanging out with someone without being around them 24/7. He learned that praise didn’t have to come after punishment, and started wearing t-shirts and flannels again. Luke helped him donate all of his hoodies, to get rid of the reminders. Reggie still struggled to ask for help, always afraid that his next question would be the one that would cause his friends to break, but that just meant they got really good at guessing what he was thinking. It was a difficult autumn, but it was all worth it for the feelings of belonging he got when he was jamming with the boys in the garage.
And as autumn faded into winter and 1994 faded into 1995, Reggie found love where it had been waiting for him all along.