Archive of Our Own

“Yo he gave me Whoppers. Sour milk tastin’ things, nasty. Hey, Joshua! You want some Whoopies?” 

“Don’t pawn the candy you don’t like off onto Joshua.” Gordon slapped Benrey on the shoulder. “Just leave it there, we put it all in a big bowl at home anyway.”

“Psh. Yeah. Sure. Whatever.” 

“Don’t just drop it on the ground, either! That’s littering!”

“It’s not littering if it’s food, Feetman. You said it yourself.”

“It’s - No! It’s not littering if it’s open food, because then there’s no plastic to deal with! You’re just dropping… Candy, in the wrapper, on the ground. Nothing can eat it that way, it can’t decompose… ” Gordon ran a hand down his face, wishing he had worn contacts. He normally didn’t like them but on nights like tonight, when he was running around the town with Benrey and Joshua, he wouldn’t have to worry about losing them... He was surprised every day he would wake up in Black Mesa and still have his glasses. He was probably gonna put them in a shadow box or something when he got new ones, commemorate his achievement. 

“... So it’s gotta be open?” Benrey looked at him, all confused.

“Yes! That way other organisms and microorganisms can eat it. And the plastic needs to go into the trash.”

“Ohkay. Gotcha.” Benrey bent over and picked up the tiny pack of Whoppers, ripped it open, and shook the balls out, then shoved the wrapper in his pockets.

Why did Gordon bother?

“Joshua?” Gordon turned away from Benrey to head down the sidewalk, wondering where the other child he was escorting had gone. “Benrey, do you see Joshua?”

“Mmn. Nope. Don’t see him, no.” Gordon felt all of his old anxiety rise. Where was Joshua? “I hear him, though.”

“What? Where is he?”

“I dunno - I just said I can’t see him.” Benrey shrugged. “Guessin’ he’s uh. Over there, somewhere.”

“Over where?” Gordon tried to follow where Benrey was gesturing, but couldn’t see. He wasn’t envious of Benrey’s ability to shapeshift and get taller - not at all. Where did you get that idea?

“He’s um. Probably in that group of kids. Trading - cards.”

“Trading…? Oh, swapping candy. Yeah, that makes sense.” Gordon started walking over. His boots made a heavy clump-clump-clump on the ground as he walked. It was almost comforting. It reminded him of the HEV suit, in a way. Back when he felt pretty invincible.

“Does a gay little walk that pisses you off.” Benrey mumbled. Gordon fought the laughter that crowded up in his throat.

“Dude, do you mind?” He looked over his shoulder at Benrey.

“Oh shit it worked.” 

Okay, that got him. Gordon doubled over in laughter, almost tripping on an uneven sidewalk slab as he tried to catch his breath. “What? Don’t - don’t say that near the kids, man!”

“It’s not like they can hear.” Benrey picked at his ear. “They’re too busy talkin’ bout Froot Loops.”

“No, they’re not.” Gordon laughed under his breath and straightened up. “Don’t make me arrest you again.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“Nah, Deputy Feetman is too much of a coward. Can’t - uh - handle Dirty Pete.”

“You said your name was ‘Dirty Richard’ half an hour ago, man. Keep to your character.”

“Nah, this is the sequel. Joshua told me that the show ends when the sheriff arrests the bad guy, right? So this is the next - uh - sequel.” Gordon laughed, half distracted by the sound of a garage door opening. More people must be getting ready to hand out candy - they were out pretty early this year. “Also, Joshua just ran away.”

“What?” Gordon turned around, and Benrey was right - Joshua, still in his little sheriff’s outfit, was running down the sidewalk, metal spurs a-jangling in time with his steps. He must have realized how close they were getting to Coomer and Bubby’s place. “... Wait. What’s that… noise?” Something else was crunching too, a loud thud-thud without any kind of rhythm.

“Oh shit.” Benrey’s inability to modulate tone meant it could be anything from a bird shitting on him to a car about to hit them both. Gordon looked back, just to see Benrey pointing at something in the distance. “Look at that.”

Oh. That must be what Joshua had been running towards. It was big, yellow, and loud, and there was a person in it. It was also in Coomer and Bubby’s driveway. Gordon suddenly realized why they’d been parking in the driveway instead of the garage for the past month. 

“Dude!” Gordon took off in a sprint, trying to catch up with Joshua and get a better look at whatever was… dancing? Was that dancing? 

“Yo sick!” Benrey shouted, passing Gordon with no effort. His shitty denim vest flapped as he ran. It was something they’d found in a thrift store a week ago, but back then it had been a jacket. Benrey had literally chewed the sleeves off to get that ‘classic western look, bro.’ Gordon had about died laughing when Benrey tried to defend his choices by explaining that horses hate sleeves and it got chewed off by Blossom - which was the white and tan plastic horse Joshua had named after a Powerpuff Girl. (There was also a horse named Batman, and they were Horse Married. Gordon had to officiate the ceremony. Benrey had been upset because he’d been playing Blossom, the horse, and Joshua had been Batman, the horse, but Benrey had wanted Gordon to be Batman and - you know what? It doesn’t matter. It was a good afternoon, Joshua had fun, and then they’d gone to Taco Bell.) Benrey had only dressed up as a Western Villain because Joshua had asked him to. Gordon wasn’t sure what he’d have dressed up as otherwise - the Joker? A cop? Who knows, with that guy.

Gordon put his hand on Joshua’s shoulder and kept him from running into the path of the P-5000 Powered Work Loader - Jesus, Bubby and Coomer had put a lot of effort into their costumes this year. Not that he’d been really close to them the year before, but… Damn. This blew Gordon’s own shitty deputy outfit out of the water.

“Gordon! Look at how strong I am!” Bubby cackled and picked up a barrel from their front yard - Coomer got really into fall decor - and threw it into the street. It broke and exploded into a thousand pieces, filling the little one-way side street with candy and splinters.

Gordon didn’t know what he expected.

“Holy cow! ” Joshua slipped out of Gordon’s hand and ran into the street with about half a dozen other kids to pick through the wreckage. Thankfully, Benrey stayed back with Gordon, waiting for Bubby and Coomer to make their way over.

“That is hella impressive.” Gordon said, looking at the pumps as they walked. All the little gizmos, working in tandem to make a machine ambulate… it was a really impressive piece of work. “That is… Wow. You must have worked on that for a really long time.”

“It was a labor of love, Gordon.” Dr. Coomer said, holding a bowl full of Reeses Pieces. Not little packs; just… a bowl full of Reeses Pieces. He was eating them with a spoon. “Bubby does love his machinery.”

“What are you supposed to be, Dr. Coomer?”

“Gordon, I told you to call me Harold! We are no longer colleagues!” Dr. Coomer dodged the question. Of course he did.

“Bro sick, can you pick up a car?”

“Can I pick up a car? Of course I can pick up a car!”

“Have you tried it yet?”

“Of course not! I’m not about to ruin my own car!”

“There’s one right there, come on, show it off man.”

“No, I’m putting a stop to this right now.” Gordon said. “I’m not letting Bubby pick up any cars today, no, not happening.”

“What if somebody volunteers their car?”

“I doubt something like that is going to happen!”

“But what if it does? Can Bubby pick up the car then?”

“... Benrey, you are really excited about seeing a car get thrown, aren’t you?” Gordon sighed and rubbed under his glasses. Why hadn’t he just worn contacts? “... If somebody volunteers their car, then we can throw it. But not until then.”

“You promise?”

“I - I promise, Benrey.” Gordon had a bad feeling about it, but it was Halloween. Everybody who was out would need to drive home and wouldn’t willingly volunteer their car, right? “It would be awesome to see, but I don’t think anybody is going to volunteer their car.”

“Lame. People don’t know fun if it - bites them.” Benrey had to change what he was going to say because Joshua ran into his ‘AOE’, which Gordon was pretty sure just meant that Joshua could hear the bullshit that came out of Benrey’s mouth, but. Whatever. As long as he didn’t slip up and say something absolutely insane, dirty, or anything remotely related to Black Mesa, Gordon was fine. 

“That was so cool, Bubby!” Joshua shouted. “So cool! Can I try?”

“Unfortunately, there is a height limit. You must be this tall to operate.” Coomer said, gesturing a height about a foot taller than Joshua. “However, you don’t have to be that tall to ride!”

“I can ride it?!” Joshua jumped up and down. Gordon felt fear seize his heart - then he remembered it was the Science team, and felt even more terrified. Something grabbed his shoulder.

“Calm down, please?” Benrey said, rubbing along the edge of Gordon’s deputy vest. “It’s ok.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’ll be okay.” Gordon took a deep breath and nodded at Coomer, who set down his bowl of Reese's Pieces - and milk, apparently; he was just eating it like cereal - and picked up Joshua, setting him on one of the fork things. Joshua laughed, then giggled a little bit higher, then grabbed at Coomer’s hands when Coomer let go.

“No! Haha, wow, this is - I’m so tall, guys!” Bubby slowly lifted the arm, making small adjustments so that it was parallel to the ground the entire time. “Woah!”

Kids don’t get scared easily, but parents? Parents get scared shitless on a regular basis. Gordon stood pretty much directly under his kid the entire time, tense and ready for something to happen to throw Joshua off balance and send him falling down. 

Why couldn’t Coomer and Bubby have just had a horse or something in their garage?!

“I’m gonna lower you a bit, because we have to get moving. It’s almost time for the parade!” Bubby said, surprisingly gently. He’d never really had any interest in kids, but he said Joshua ‘showed potential’, whatever that meant, and he’d started acting a lot softer around him. He’d even offered to tutor Joshua for his computer club. It was great because it meant Gordon got Joshua an extra night each visitation, and, well, Gordon was selfish, even if he had to pay Bubby an extra fifty dollars each week. 

“Yeah! Can I ride all the way out?”

“If you hold on tight, we shouldn’t have any problems.” Bubby said. “Come on, everyone! Let’s go!”

“Doesn’t this neighborhood have an HOA?” Gordon asked Coomer conversationally as they followed the Power Loader down the street. “I was thinking of… well, moving a bit closer, you know?”

“You mean now that you have enough money for a down payment!” Coomer said. “Yes, there is a Homeowner Association, however, Bubby and I have been excluded from any meetings for the past month! It would be more distressing if it meant I didn’t have to deal with that bitch, Megan.”

Gordon laughed, almost dropping his and Joshua’s candy buckets, and looked at Joshua to make sure he hadn’t overheard. He made a gesture to Coomer that he hoped he understood, pointing at Joshua and making a cutting motion over his throat. “Holy cow. So like, did they kick you out? I thought that they’d like, double down if they didn’t like you. Twice the fines.”

“You thought wrong, my good friend!” Coomer said, shoving another spoonful of Reese's Pieces into his mouth. Was there milk in there too? Was he just eating it like cereal? What the fuck? “It’s not that they don’t like us, I’m afraid. They like us too much. They simply stopped enforcing all the rules for us, as they don’t want us to move out.”

“What? Why?”

“They want me to continue to teach them interdimensional algorithmic knitting, Gordon. It’s the only thing that brings them joy any longer.”

O… kay. “What is interdimensional - You know what? After the Resonance Cascade, I think I’ve had enough of interdimensional stuff, for my life, thanks. I hope you guys have fun with it. I just know this is a nice neighborhood… It’d be nice to be a bit closer, you know? And have a bit more space for Joshua.”

“I understand entirely. Young Joshua is a devil of a rascal and he needs the space to expend his energy!” Coomer nodded along. Benrey, who was lagging behind just a little, caught up.

“We moving? Where we goin, huh?” 

“Nowhere, Benrey. I’m just thinking about it, is all.” 

“Yeah, okay. Like you were thinking about rearranging the living room and that never happened.” Benrey nodded. “So like, you’re gonna be in that apartment forever, huh? Sad. Gordon Sadman.”

“The couch just doesn’t fit anywhere else, man!” Gordon defended. 

Coomer and Benrey laughed, and they made it to the end of the street, where the side roads met the main road. The parade would be working its way through here in the next half hour or so, but in the meantime, it gave Gordon a good vantage point of the street so that Joshua could run back and forth and get candy from all the little stores up and down the square. Gordon helped him down this time; Coomer was occupied with his bowl of what he was now calling ‘oatmeal’. 

“Now, stick where I can see you, okay? I might not always be looking but I want you to be safe and within my sight.”

“I can just go with him.” Benrey volunteered. “I uh, want some good drops too, you know?”

“... Are you sure?” Gordon asked. “You don’t have to, we’ve done this before-”

“Yeah, Freeze! Let Benrey go with me!” Joshua’s little kid voice was so happy and excited, what was Gordon gonna do? Say no? Be a bad dad? He sighed and nodded.

“If anything happens, come find me, okay? We’re probably not gonna wander too far from this corner.” Gordon said. “Text me, and I’ll text you if anything changes, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Benrey moved his hand like it was talking, like it was Gordon talking, and Gordon almost reached out and slapped it. Then Benrey moved it up and kissed it on the fingertips.

“O-oh.” Gordon felt his face turn bright, bright red. Oh. What the hell was that?!

“Later, Freeman.” Benrey waved, wiggling the fingers he had just kissed at Gordon. Gordon, who was doing his best not to react. If he reacted, it would only encourage Benrey.

“We will see you later, Officer Billiam!” Coomer said.

“Yeah, yeah. Coomer, do you have the other battery for this thing? It’s already dying.”

“I was wondering why you didn’t put it in for the parade.” 

“The city council wouldn’t let us, Gordon! They said it was a weapon!”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Gordon set down his bucket. It was really Joshua’s second bucket, for when the first one got full, but it had his name written on the side in black sharpie. “Need a hand?”

“No, I’m fine.” Coomer waved Gordon off. Gordon stepped back and watched Coomer take something out from under his costume and switch the battery out with the old one, then close a panel.

He got distracted pretty quick by people watching, though. It was one of his favorite things to do now that he’d been out of Black Mesa for a while. He never really understood how his friends - the ones back in college, that is - could just sit and watch people. His brain was always on fire, too active, too worried about being seen as well as seeing, to just sit back and enjoy it.

Now that he was always surrounded with people like Coomer and Bubby, it was a lot easier. He knew if they were staring, they were staring at whatever the Science Team was doing. He was just… incidentally close, most of the time, and honestly? When he was standing next to a tube-grown Perfect Scientist and Engineer who was in a ten-foot-tall machine exoskeleton, it wasn’t hard to convince himself that he wasn’t what was being stared at.

He pulled out his phone and texted Jason back, something inane, and went back to people watching.

Wait. Was that… was that Forzen? “Holy shit, guys, look over there!”

“Oh my! Is that the military man? I thought we’d wiped them out entirely!” Dr. Coomer said, with the same resigned tone he had whenever he was dealing with radioactive sludge. “I can’t believe he escaped our tactical precision!”

“I can. Just look at Benrey - we killed him, hardcore, and he still came back.” Bubby mumbled from his seat. “Still, he doesn’t seem to be bothering -”

Tommy walked out of the ice cream store across the way and handed Forzen a cone, while Sunkist jumped and circled, without actually tugging on her leash. Perfect dog indeed.

“Holy shit, is that Tommy?”

“That does indeed appear to be our good friend Tommy!” Coomer raised his hand to wave, and Gordon slapped a hand over his mouth - they were in public, man, you can’t just yell super loud in public - but it didn’t matter, because Benrey had spotted them, too.

“Yo Tommy!” he shouted, then stopped immediately. Forzen looked like he’d eaten a dozen whoppers. Benrey looked the same.

“Tommy, what are you doing with him?” Bubby shouted. Fuck, Gordon had forgotten about Bubby. He let go of Coomer’s head and sighed. This… this was just his life, now.

“H-Hi, guys!” Tommy jogged across the streets, looking both ways. “I’m sure you - uh - remember Forzen?”

“How could we forget.” Bubby said, leaning against the control console of his Power Loader. “More importantly, look at what I made!”

Of course Bubby was more concerned with showing off than what the hell Forzen was doing there. Of course.

“Hey, man. How - uh. How are you?” Gordon asked, giving a little half-wave. He was standing just a bit to the side of Tommy, Coomer, and Bubby, and it was the same side Forzen had awkwardly gravitated towards. “Sorry about - you know. The Black Mesa bullshit.”

“It’s fine.” Forzen said. “We were all just doing our jobs.”

“Well, I’m not sure if I was doing my job. Kinda hard to understand what you’re supposed to do when these chucklefucks kill everybody in a room before they have a chance to talk.” Gordon gestured at the trio and Sunkist. “Still, sorry for like. Shooting you and stuff.”

“Already making friends? I told you that they - they’re not that bad!” Tommy chimed in. Gordon felt his face flush again; he distinctly felt like he was being made fun of.

“What do you mean, that bad?”

-

Benrey didn’t like watching Gordon talk to that guy. They’d been friends - for a little bit - back on PSN before everything went down, and he thought Forzen could be a pretty cool. But now? Now he didn’t like Forzen at all.

“Ben, why are you looking all angry and stuff?” Joshua asked. Benrey looked down at the kid instead of staring at Gordon-blushing-Feetman from across the street.

“Huh?”

“Why are you upset? Do you wanna go say hi too?” Joshua looked over at his dad. “I don’t know that guy. Do you know that guy?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Benrey paused. “He uh, was - used to be a friend. Now he’s kinda. Well. He wasn’t the bad guy, but…” Benrey shrugged. 

“Oh. So he’s not bad?”

“I guess not.” Benrey said, glancing over and seeing Gordon’s face, still red, over Forzen’s shoulder. 

“That’s okay, then. Dad doesn’t like bad people.” Joshua nodded and started moving further down the street. “Come on, there’s a shortcut we can take here, we’ll come get close to where the parade is starting and we can get more candy that way.”

“Uh. Sure. You’re the boss, serif man.”

“It’s sheriff!”

-

Gordon was starting to get a little worried. The parade had started but Benrey and Joshua hadn’t come back yet. He kept looking down the street, where he’d seen them last, but didn’t see them.

“Do you think they got stuck in the crowd?” he asked, not really asking anybody in particular, but just talking. He did that a lot.

“It’s very likely! Bubby, do you see them up there?” 

“Hmm? What?” Bubby looked down from his perch. “What are you talking about?” 

“Do you see young Joshua or Benrey from up there?”

“No, they’re not up here! What are you talking about?”

“Do you see my son, Bubby?” Gordon yelled.

“Oh, no. I haven’t seen him since he and Benrey left.”

“Fuck.” Gordon sighed. “Okay, I’ll text Benrey again.” 

“Do - do you think something happened?” Tommy asked. 

“I mean. Not really?” Gordon paused. “It’s just my anxiety, but it’s - what probably happened is he ran into some more kids, and because Benrey has zero sense of responsibility or time, he just let them hang out and hasn’t forced Joshua back this way yet.”

“You might want to think again, Gordon!” Bubby shouted. “Look!” 

Gordon followed Bubby’s arm to where he was pointing, down the street, at a float that was… Cowboy themed. Of course it was. And who else was front and center but his son. 

“Joshua!” Gordon shouted, but he couldn’t tell if it was out of relief, exasperation, or humor. He did chuckle a few times before he just shook his head, pulling out his phone and taking a series of pictures to send to Jason.

“Give me that.” Bubby reached his hand down and gestured for the phone. “I have a better angle.”

“Uh, sure.” Gordon handed it over and watched Bubby take six or seven selfies before the float got closer, then flip the camera and take a bunch of pictures of Joshua as he slowly scooted by. “Joshua! Joshie, wave!”

Joshua grinned his little 10-year-old grin and waved like a madman, shooting his toy pistol into the air. He hoped Bubby got a good picture of Joshua up there. He was practically dying from how cute his son was. There were a bunch of other cowboys on the float, all dressed in shining spurs and leather vests. Gordon wasn’t gonna lie, some of them were pretty hot. His eyes started to slide to the next float, only to get caught on the outlaw trailing the float.

Benrey was walking a bit behind the float, tossing candy out of a huge bag. Because, of course he was.

“Benrey! Answer your phone sometime!”

“Can’t hear you over how much candy I gotta pass out, bro!” Benrey shouted back, obviously hearing him perfectly through the crowd. Gordon grinned and waved, laughing under his breath. He’d been silly to worry; he knew Benrey took care of Joshua like a… well. Momma bear wasn’t a good analogy. Maybe mama cat? Like, vaguely disinterested, might accidentally push the kid/kitten off a box, but ultimately everything would be fine. Yeah, mama cat worked.

“That is an alarming amount of candy!” Coomer said. “I wonder where he got it from?”

“Probably the people who own the float.” Gordon squinted to read the group name as it shuffled past. “Oh, my god. ‘Modern Day Cowboys’. What?”

“Oh, goodie! I always thought cowboys were too old-fashioned. They need some modern styling, if you ask me!”

“... What are you even supposed to be, Dr. Coomer?” Gordon asked. 

“I’m the butterfly AND the bee, Gordon!”

“What does that even mean, dude?” Gordon laughed.

“It means that I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee!”

“Oh, boxing. Of course.” Gordon patted Coomer on the shoulder. “Tommy, what are you dressed as?”

“I’m a veterinarian!” Tommy said. The only difference between his outfit and the one he’d worn at Black Mesa was the name tag, which, in true Tommy fashion, just said ‘Vet’. 

“Okay. What are you, Forzen?” Gordon looked over Tommy’s shoulder.

“I’m a vet.” 

“... Okay, that’s just a really bad joke.” 

“I’m the Alien, from the classic movie, Alien!” Bubby interjected.

“That’s - no, that’s not even - have you seen the movie?” Gordon doubled over with laughter. He guessed Bubby was dressed in a lot of black.

“Of course I have! How do you think I made this?” 

“You just referenced the movie? I thought you bought a kit or something, man. That’s crazy.”

“We machined all the parts ourselves!” Coomer said proudly. “This machine is as sturdy as can be!”

“Wasn’t Ridley the one in the suit?” Gordon asked, before getting distracted by the next float.

Oh well. At least Joshie was safe.

After the parade, they waited on the street corner, Bubby showing off his suit while a bunch of people took pictures. One of the floats - one that had come behind the Modern Day Cowboys - pulled back and started talking to Bubby about the Power Loader. Coomer and his little clutch of housewives wandered off, talking about a Halloween yarn sale in one of the little stores nearby, and Tommy and Forzen and Gordon just chatted. Forzen honestly wasn’t a bad guy - he’d had a rough childhood, apparently, and he and Tommy had bonded over the fact that growing up in the foster system sucked ass. 

“Yeah, I’ve got about one more year before I get my bachelors, then I’m gonna go back for my masters in-” Gordon’s phone started ringing. He held up a finger and excused himself, stepping away from their group for a second. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, uh, we’re kinda lost? Can I get uhhhhhh pickup, please?” Benrey said. “Joshua and me went down some side roads but we uh don’t know where we’re at.”

“Shit. Okay, what’s the nearest cross road you’re at?” Gordon asked. 

“Uh. Columbus and Fifth avenue.”

“... Dude.”

“What?”

“That’s like, twenty minutes away.” Gordon sighed. “I’ll get everybody and we’ll head your way. Uh, go - Do you know which direction is East?”

“Uh. no. Why, do you know which way is East?”

“Yeah, dude, that’s why I’m asking you. Shit. Okay, I’ll - it’s probably better if we just come get you, right?”

“Uh, maybe.” Gordon could hear the hesitation. Benrey didn’t like messing up when it involved Joshua; he’d been on the receiving end of too many of Gordon’s neurotic rants to want to deal with his wrath if anything happened. “If we meet you in the middle, how would we do that?”

“I’ll send you a picture of the map. If you and Joshie can follow it, we’ll meet you in the middle, okay?” Gordon said. “I’ll get it right now. Okay, love you, bye.”

“Buh-”

Gordon hung up. He hung up so fast because he realized what he’d just said and he didn’t know why the fuck he’d just said that, oh my god--

“What’s up, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asked. He was putting something in his pocket, but Gordon couldn’t tell what it was about. “Was that Benrey?”

“Yeah.” Gordon’s voice was high and tight, like basketball shorts from the 70s. “Yeah, they wandered over to that one rich neighborhood… we’re gonna have to meet up with them.” He took a screenshot of the map and drew a line on it in his Gallery, then sent the photo to Benrey. “Wanna go on a hike with me?”

“Sure!” Tommy dusted off his jacket and picked up his soda. “Bubby, we’re going for a walk, do you want to come?”

“Of course! How else am I going to show off the abilities this baby has?” Bubby made a gesture with the Power Loader’s arm, almost hitting a decorative tree in the yard they were standing next to.

“Okay, well, it’ll be a pretty long trip. Is that okay?” Gordon asked.

“It’s a Saturday and I’m a grown man, Gordon. I can do what I want.”

“O-okay, man.” Gordon held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Just… follow me, I guess.”

“Following!”

“I’m not a follower.”

“But - Mr. Freeman has always been the leader!” Tommy explained to Forzen, and Gordon got moving. “Even when he’s delegating other leaders!”

“I was the leader for a bit last time.” Bubby said, then he seemed to think about it. “I want to be the leader now!”

“That’s actually not a bad idea. Keep people out of our way.” Gordon said. “I’ll tell you when to turn, okay?”

“Fine, fine.” Bubby said, then charged ahead, cackling. Of course.

“Cool. I guess… we’re just leaving Dr. Coomer behind.”

“He’ll catch up.” Bubby said from the front. Which, yeah, Coomer always did, but…

Gordon sighed and picked up the pace.

A few blocks over, the thought hit him suddenly. “Why didn’t we just go to your place and grab your car?” He asked. “That would have been so much quicker.”

“Well, we’re already here. See if they’ve moved at all.” Bubby said. He was enjoying running around in his exosuit too much, Gordon could tell.

“Fine, I will.” Gordon pulled out his phone to text Benrey and got slapped in the face with a branch Bubby had been holding out of the way, sending his glasses spiraling into oblivion. Gordon was so startled he slipped and fell on his ass in some random yard. “What the fuck-”

“Mr. Freeman, are you alright?” Tommy asked right before Sunkist started licking his face off. “Mr-”

“I’m fine!” 

“What happened?” Bubby asked.

“You knocked me in the head, man.” Gordon paused. His face really hurt. And his glasses were nowhere near him. “Shoot, man. Those were my only pair of glasses.”

“That sounds like a ‘you’ problem.” Bubby said. “Now come on, I want to see if I can jump across the street.”

“Man, give me a second!” Gordon sat up, still touching his face. “Sunkist’s slobber doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.” 

“It’s because she’s perfect and has - has healing saliva, Mr. Freeman!”

“That’s not possible, but okay!” Gordon said. He saw a hand hovering vaguely in front of him so he reached up and grabbed it. “Thanks - oh, thanks Forzen!”

“No prob.” 

“You know, you really sound like Benrey.” Gordon said. He turned around and picked up his phone - he could only see it because the screen was still on. “Shit. Man, I can barely see without my glasses.”

“You sound like a whiny brat.” Bubby said. It was probably as close to sorry as he was going to get.

“Well, glasses are expensive because we live in a capitalist hellscape.” Gordon flipped him the bird. “I’m allowed to be a little bitchy.”

“Fair enough.” Bubby shrugged. 

“Want me to?” Forzen held his hand out again. Gordon just shrugged and handed his phone over.

“Just ask where he is, tell him to send a screenshot of his location.” Gordon sighed. “And then give me my phone, I need to look for my glasses.”

“We don’t have time, Gordon!” Bubby groused.

“Yeah, it’s - it’s getting pretty dark.” Tommy chimed in. “I - I’ve been looking and I don’t know where they could have went.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. That really - really sucks.” Tommy said.

“He’s a few blocks away. Come on, let’s go.” Forzen handed Gordon’s phone back then started marching up the block.

“Fucking - fine.” Gordon finally sighed and let it go. He could get them home - he was farsighted, not nearsighted, so he could drive. Mostly. “Let’s go.”

“Let’s goo!” Bubby shouted, charging the street corner and leaping it in one go.

“That was sick!” Gordon shouted, laughing. Tommy cheered and Sunkist barked, and even Forzen clapped a few times.

Tommy and Forzen were still talking as they made their way through town. It was just a few minutes later that Benrey texted them, saying Joshua was getting pretty tired. ‘stayed up past his bedtime bro’ were his exact words, and yeah, it was getting pretty dark, and late. It was probably around 9:30. 

Shit, when had it gotten that late?

Gordon pressed on, reassuring Benrey that they were about a block away, when the next thing happened.

Gordon didn’t look both ways before crossing the street. It normally wasn’t a problem on Halloween because people were driving slower anyway, but this time, a truck - or, really, the person driving the truck - had decided that casualties were no issue, because they blew through the stop sign.

Gordon was gonna jump back onto the sidewalk, but he was too late. He felt the bumper hit him with a mild crunching feeling as he was sent flying - not really flying, but falling, in a horizontal way, a few feet to the left. He put his hand out to catch himself, not sure what would happen when it met concrete and asphalt, when-

“Hello, Gordon!” How the fuck had Dr. Coomer gotten there? Gordon hit the ground, skidding along the asphalt, thankful for his cowboy chaps and his denim jacket as he scraped. His head hit something, but it was soft, not at all what he thought asphalt should feel like.

“Hey, Dr. Coomer.” He said, waving with one hand, trying to get it free from whatever it’d been tangled in. “What’s up?” 

“I see my interdimensional algorithmic knitting has saved the day once more!” Dr. Coomer’s voice floated over him. Gordon looked up, twisting one way, then the other, looking for the guy who’d hit him. 

Thankfully, he’d flown far enough that he could see the intersection he’d been hit in clearly. He heard Tommy’s distressed voice, and… Was that Benrey? “ Yo bro that looks like it sucks …”

“Obey traffic laws, you damnable bitch!” Bubby shouted, taking two huge steps towards the intersection - then spiking his Power Loader hands through the sides of the truck, lifting it up into the air, and tossing it casually down the street, in the opposite direction.

“Yo, that was sick!” Benrey said. He was definitely closer now, but Gordon could only focus on the truck as the lights and alarm started to go off. “Hey, Freeman? What happened to your glasses? And your face?”

“Mr. Freeman, are you okay?”

“You can’t criticize me, that driver clearly volunteered by committing car crimes!” Bubby crossed his and the Power Loader’s arms.

“Oh, Gordon, it appears you’ve come down with a case of the Crumbles after all. Do you require assistance?”

“Where’s Joshua?” He grumbled. He felt like he was talking through a few layers of wool.

Oh. He was. Green yarn wrapped him from his face down to his waist. It was the good shit, too, none of that acrylic. This was like, alpaca wool. Softest stuff.

“Joshua’s uhhhsleep, man.” Gordon looked over to Benrey. Everybody was so close he couldn’t focus on them - his eyes just slid off them. “Bro you don’t look so good.”

“I just got hit by a car, man. I’m allowed to not look good.”

“Oh, that sounds rather serious! We should get you to a hospital!” 

“How is there yarn on my face?”

“That’s the interdimensional aspect of ‘interdimensional algorithmic knitting’, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer hoisted Gordon up and over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. “Come on, let’s get you home!”

“I… don’t think I can drive…” 

“That’s quite alright, Gordon. We’ll get you to our home and then we can take care of you from there.”

“Sure.” Gordon paused. “Can you sleep with a concussion?”

“I - I wouldn’t recommend it, Mr. Freeman.” Tommy said. Gordon couldn’t really see him, situated as he was. He craned his neck up and managed to see Benrey’s feet.

“Hey Feetman.” Benrey said. “Like what you see?”

“Hey Benrey.” Gordon mumbled. “Yeah, I’m, uh… How much candy did you guys get?”

“Oh, hella.” Benrey shook the sack he’d been carrying in the parade. “They let us keep the rest. Said Joshua was the best cowboy this side of the Rio Grand-eyy, wherever that is.”

“Cool.” Gordon said. He tried to look up further.

Benrey was carrying Joshua against his side, holding him up with one arm while the other one was holding the two candy buckets. Joshua was pretty obviously asleep - had been for a while. His little cowboy hat was dangling from his neck by the string, and he was tucked up against Benrey’s neck. He had one hand tangled in Benrey’s vest and the other draped over his back. He’d probably fallen asleep holding him like that.

“Pretty - pretty cute.” Gordon mumbled, letting his head drop.

Benrey blushed. Tommy giggled from the front of the group, and Dr. Coomer said something, quietly for once, about young love.

“You know, I can carry him.” Bubby offered.

“It’s fine!” Coomer said. “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!”