Chapter Text
There is no way that Zuko is going to sleep tonight. Instead he lays in bed tracing the faint scars that line his back and sides. The evidence of all his previous mistakes and the punishments that he thought he deserved. He wonders how bad the next scar will be, after making such a big mistake this morning. In hindsight Zuko wishes his uncle hadn’t acquiesced when he’d begged to be let into the war meeting. He can’t think of any way he could’ve heard the plans he’d heard and not reacted the way he did. So instead he just wishes he’d never heard and could have continued living his life in blissful ignorance to the reality of this war. This war that he was taught brought the fire nation glory and bettered the world. But how could a war better the world if they needed to sacrifice their own people as bait. From what he heard today, war just made both sides worse.
As the moon gets higher in the sky, Zuko’s mind turns to the events that are coming. He accepted the challenge of an Agni Kai. This tradition was meant to bring honor to the winner and shame to the loser. But how could a twelve year old boy put his honor on the line. What honor did he have in the first place? He was not a prodigy like Azula; he did not instill fear into men like his father; he was not a war hero like his uncle. He was the weakest of his family. He knew it. They knew it, and tomorrow the entire royal court would know it. No one else of royal blood would be scared to lose to an officer of lesser station. And yet, Zuko was terrified. So Zuko just laid there, tracing his scars and wondering where on his body tomorrow’s would be. He was so caught up in his mind that he missed the soft knock on his door.
Just past midnight, Zuko startled to see his uncle entering his room. The look in his eyes was one that Zuko had never seen before, fear.
“Nephew, it is a lovely night outside. Would you care to take a walk with me?” he asked in a voice that was trying too hard to sound normal. Zuko got out of bed immediately and threw a robe over his nightwear. It was a warm night in the Caldera, so he didn’t bother with shoes as he followed his uncle to the garden.
“What’s wrong, Uncle?” he asked once they were seated in his favorite spot next to the turtleduck pond.
“Do not be afraid, Prince Zuko. Everything is going to be okay; I will make everything okay,” his uncle told him in a hushed tone while running his hand over Zuko’s hair and cheek. The gesture reminded him of the last time he saw his mother. The connection made him uneasy. “Tomorrow, at the Agni Kai, your father plans to face you in his general’s stead.”
“That’s against the rules!” This could not be true, the rules were sacred. His father wouldn’t hurt him. Not in public at least. His father always said that the punishments he gave Zuko were not meant for the world to see.
His uncle shushed him and looked around frantically. “He believes that since you spoke out in his war room, it was actually him that you offended,” Iroh took a deep breath, like the next words were painful somehow. “I overheard that your father plans to kill you in the Agni Kai.”
Zuko felt like he was falling with no ground in sight. There was a deafening ringing in his ears and the world swam in front of his eyes. “No,” was all he could manage to say. He knew it was true but it hurt worse than any training accident or punishment. His father wanted him out of the way for Azula.
“I’m so sorry my boy,” Iroh said as he wrapped Zuko into a too tight hug that the boy could not even feel. “I won’t let him do it. I’m getting you out of here. I won’t let him hurt you ever again,” Iroh moved to hold onto his shoulders, forcing Zuko to look into his dark amber eyes. “Zuko, you must listen to me. In a few moments men I trust will be here, they are going to take you away. Don’t be scared. They will bring you someplace safe. I will come to see you as soon as I can. Do you understand?”
All Zuko could bring himself to do in response was nod. When Iroh gave him another bone shattering hug, Zuko could feel it and hugged him back. He was becoming aware of the moisture on his cheeks. He looked around him and took in the turtleducks sleeping in the pond, the garden his mother planted and cared for that had become overgrown in her absence, his only safe space for the last twelve years. He was absorbing his last moments in the only place he’d ever called home.
…
Within the hour Zuko was in a sack meant for laundry being carried through the palace gates by a man he’d never seen before. But Zuko trusted his uncle and so did his best to keep the fear at bay. He felt the sack being loaded into a cart and driven away. The ride felt long enough to get to the harbor. Then he felt the sack being picked up again. The next time the sack was put down someone untied the top and let him out. He was in a small room with a bed and a trunk that looked like it belonged on a ship. The unfamiliar man who’d been carrying the sack was in front of him.
“Where am I?” Zuko asked.
“Where do you think you are?” the man grunted. Zuko really looked at the man and noticed his two lines of scar on his cheek, hidden by a head of bushy white hair.
“On a boat of some sort.”
“Good, you’re not an idiot. That will make this much easier,” the man made a noise that could have been a laugh if there’d been any joy in his eyes. “My name is Jeong Jeong, I am an old friend of your uncle’s. I have been tasked with getting you safely out of the Fire Nation so don’t make my job difficult.”
“Admiral Jeong Jeong?” Zuko recognized the name from his military lessons.
“I am no longer an admiral, boy. Just as you are no longer a prince,” that felt like a direct hit to the stomach for Zuko. He had not yet thought about his escape from the palace in those terms. Leaving the palace could not negate his royal blood, or at least he hoped it couldn’t. “This war only brings pain and destruction, as I am sure you have learned today. This is a ship of deserters from the very division you spoke out to protect.”
“Really? That’s good. They’ll be safe,” Zuko was glad that at least some good could come out of all this pain. If his outburst somehow helped these men escape with their lives then maybe it was worth it.
“Good? These men will be on the run for the rest of their lives. As will I. Possibly, as will you. There is nothing good as long as we are in war,” the man got up to leave, clearly having said everything he needed to. “This is your cabin. Your uncle packed some clothes for you in the trunk,” he opened the door but then stopped. “Be on the deck at one hour past sunrise.”
“Why?” It was already well past midnight. Zuko could feel that sunrise was all too soon.
“Are you a firebending master yet?” the man asked.
“No,” Zuko said as the familiar shame rose within him.
“Then we train at one hour past sunrise,” and with that the man left.
Zuko tried to sit on the bed and relax but he was wired from the events of the night. He suddenly felt very hot and trapped in the small room that was to be his home for who knew how long. So he got up and walked through the door. The ship was quiet and dark. Zuko understood that this was to make an unseen getaway in the dark of night but the sight still unnerved him.
Eventually he made his way to the deck. There were only a few crewmen walking about on patrol or keeping the ship moving and no lights were on. He walked to the rail and stood looking out as the last lights of his home faded away. He thought he should be sad or distraught, but all he could think as his home went over the horizon was that the metal was cold and he wished he’d worn shoes to walk with uncle.
…
At one hour past sunrise, Zuko stumbled onto the deck. He managed to get a couple of hours of sleep, but not nearly enough. Firebenders rose with the sun so staying up all night was never a good idea. But last night he hadn’t had any choice. Jeong Jeong was waiting there with a cup of very dark tea, but looking no worse for the wear.
“Take off your shirt, boy. We do not have enough extra clothes around to risk you burning it,” Jeong Jeong said as they finished meditating and stretching, preparing their minds and bodies to control flames.
“I won’t burn it; I promise,” Zuko said nervously, gripping the hem of his shirt. “I’m not supposed to show my chest in public.”
The look on the old master’s face immediately softened. “So the rumors were true.”
“What rumors?” Zuko did not like the look on his face. He preferred the man’s face gruff and tough. This almost felt like pity.
“Those scars might have been meant to shame you, but they do not. The only person who should be shamed is your father for giving them to you,” Jeong Jeong put a hand on his shoulder, and Zuko could barely contain the tears in his eyes.
“I made mistakes; I deserved these punishments. My father was only trying to teach me a lesson.”
“And did you learn anything besides to fear your own father?” Jeong Jeong was searching his face, trying to meet his eyes. Zuko simply shook his head and allowed a few tears to escape his eyes. “Then be proud of your scars. Think of them as a sign that no matter what you stay true to yourself. Do not let lesser men tear you down. Now take me through what movements you know. Let me see what I have to work with.”
Zuko carefully took off his shirt and folded it into the corner of the deck. With a few deep breaths he began the first kata.
…
The days on the ship went mostly the same. For about six weeks, Zuko would wake up with the sun and train with Jeong Jeong on the deck. Then after breakfast he would stay on the bridge to learn about sailing and navigation and help where needed. He’d clean the kitchen after lunch and usually assist in making dinner. He actually came to enjoy cooking. One of the other firebenders aboard tried to teach him how to make tea, and Zuko thought his uncle would be very proud of his efforts. The world slowly began to feel normal once more.
When the ship docked outside of Ba Sing Se, the deserting soldiers who’d Zuko had come to know made their goodbyes. The deserters were going to stay together, follow Jeong Jeong and attempt to right some of the wrongs of this war. Zuko was not permitted to follow them. Jeong Jeong had informed Zuko that he was going into the walled city. The older master was instructed to leave Zuko with an old friend before rejoining his men.
Once night had fallen, Zuko wrapped himself in a dark cloak, shouldered the pack of his few belongings and followed Jeong Jeong through a hole in the impenetrable walls and on a long walk through the lower ring of Ba Sing Se. Zuko had never seen anything like it. The smell was overwhelming, the people on the street were hard to look at, and Zuko could not tune out the constant wail of babies crying. Zuko asked Jeong Jeong why the people lived in such poor conditions, fearing that he already knew the answer.
“These are the refugees of war,” he replied; the shame of having taken such a great part in these people’s pain was evident on his face.
The pair crawled through another hole in another seemingly impenetrable wall and found themselves in the middle ring. The smell was gone almost immediately, as were the people littering the streets. Something about the immediate difference between the rings did not sit right with Zuko, but he continued following his master. They stopped at the backdoor of a quaint looking tea house in the middle ring. Jeong Jeong rapped on the door in a series of long and short knocks that could not have been random. A slit in the top of the door opened revealing a pair of dark amber eyes that could have been earth kingdom brown just as easily as fire nation gold.
“Who knocks at the guarded gates?” says a clearly female voice from behind the door.
“One who has eaten the fruit and tasted its mysteries,” Jeong Jeong replied. Zuko gaped at him in confusion. The door swung open and there stood a petite woman in a green cotton dress with an apron around her waist. Her long black hair had the beginnings of gray streaks, but her entire presence oozed that she could take you down without breaking a sweat, in the same way Azula’s always did. When her eyes landed on Jeong Jeong, a small smile broke across her face.
“So you made it in one piece,” she said while pulling the older man into a hug that clearly made him uncomfortable. She turned to face the younger boy. “You must be Zuko. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Lana,” she extended her hand. Zuko shook it, clearly uncomfortable with the casual greeting. He was used to bowing and cold consideration, not handshakes and warm smiles. “Come in both of you before anyone sees.”
“If I’m to make it back out before sunrise I need to be leaving,” Jeong Jeong said and turned to Zuko. “Keep practicing what we’ve been working on. I’ll be back in a few months to continue your training. Don’t let me find that you’ve been slacking,” Zuko nodded and with a pat on the back that was as affectionate as the man could get he was off into the night.
Zuko followed the new woman through the door into what seemed to be the kitchen of the tea house. “You must have a lot of questions young man; come have a seat,” she gestured to a wooden table and chairs in the corner of the kitchen, then poured two cups of tea from the pot on the stove and sat down. Zuko followed her. “First, I guess I should tell you where you are and what you’re doing here. This is the Nomad Tea House. I have lived here many years, and I run this tea shop. You’re going to live here with me and help. Your uncle said you’re a hard worker, so I’m sure waiting tables and making tea won’t be too much of a challenge,” she reached into a drawer of the kitchen and produced some papers. “I have a passport and other papers for you, I hope you don’t mind the name Lee. It is very common and I thought it would be good not to stick out. There’s a good school down the street that will be reconvening in two weeks. I thought you could go and get to be with some kids your own age.”
“Why?” Zuko asked.
“What do you mean?” the woman’s eyes were kind in the same way his uncle’s always seemed to be.
“Why are you doing all this? Why are you helping me? Why did they send me here of all places? Just why?” Zuko’s head was spinning in a way that no twelve year old’s ever should.
“Can I tell you a story?” The woman took a sip of her tea and kept looking at him with those kind eyes. Zuko nodded even though he did not understand why she wouldn’t just answer his questions. “Once there was a beautiful young woman. She grew up in a poor village in the Earth Kingdom and had big dreams. So one day she went to the nearest city to try and make something more of herself. This city was in the heart of the oldest Fire Nation Colony at Yu Dao. There she got a job serving dumplings and made a happy little life for herself. One day a Fire Nation soldier dressed in all the finery of a top officer but much younger walked into the shop. He took a liking to the woman and soon enough he was taking her on picnics and telling her pretty little lies about marriage and taking her back to his nation. Sooner than would be considered proper the woman found herself to be expecting a child. At first she was thrilled. She loved the man and he’d promised to marry her. She thought they could be a happy family. But when she told the soldier about the baby, he turned away from her. Revealing that he’d never just been a soldier, but was the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. His visit to the colonies was coming to an end and he was to return to the palace and his wife and young son. The woman was devastated. She had the baby but was too afraid to keep it in the colony where the man could potentially find them again. The baby was a threat to the throne now and her identity had to be protected. So she made the long journey with her young daughter to the impenetrable city. She set up a new life, eventually owning her own tea house and only when she was old and frail did she tell her daughter the truth about her father. Not long after the beautiful woman died, the Prince’s son who he’d returned to came to try and break down the walls of the city. The daughter’s curiosity could not be stopped. This man was her brother, the son who fought at his side was her nephew. She snuck through the city one night and found her way to the Fire Nation camp outside the city. She stuck to the shadows and eventually found the general’s tent. In the end, she could not stop herself from slipping through the opening and coming face to face with her brother for the first time. Once she revealed herself, the new Prince was disgusted with his father’s actions, and the two of them bonded quickly. The woman got to meet her nephew and embrace her brother when he died. Once he gave up his siege on the city, she received regular letters from him, often with stories of her other nephew who was young and too kind for palace life. She learned about how her other brother had inherited their father’s cruelty. So when another letter came saying the nephew was in danger she did not hesitate to offer to take him in.”
Zuko just stared at the woman for a moment. Her eyes reminded him of uncle’s because they were the same. The way she held herself reminded him so much of Azula. “You’re my aunt?”
“Yes. But no one here can know about either of our royal blood. You understand that, right?” Zuko nodded. “I really hope you can be happy here. We could be a real family,” she reached for his hand and smiled at him. A genuine, warm smile that made Zuko feel a little better.
He followed her up a set of stairs to the apartment above the tea shop. It had a small sitting room with a table big enough for the both of them to eat and some comfortable looking cushions. The walls were lined with bookshelves and even more books and scrolls littered the floor in piles. She apologized for the mess and said Zuko could read anything he liked. This made Zuko smile; he loved a good story. The kitchen was the size of a broom closet in the palace but had a stove, an oven, and enough counter space to do prep work. Compared to the kitchen on the ship, Zuko thought this looked spacious. There were two bedrooms; she pointed to the closer one and said that was hers and just to knock if he ever needed anything. Then she showed him through the other sliding door. Inside was a bed, a dresser, and a small desk. She’d gone ahead and gotten some proper earth kingdom clothes in about his size that were in the dresser. She offered to alter any that didn’t fit the next day. Then promised to help him find some fitting decorations at the market and told him to get some sleep. With a cautious hug, she retired to her own room.
Zuko spent a long moment sitting on the edge of the bed and trying to process everything that had happened. This new life did not feel real yet. He wondered how long it would take to feel real. He got up and put his few belongings into the dresser, examining the new green and brown clothing. His uncle had packed him a few momentos of home: the knife made in the earth kingdom that he’d given Zuko, the dao swords Master Piandao had made with him at the end of his training, small portraits of Iroh, his mother, and his little sister, and the blue spirit mask his mother had given him from her favorite play. He hung the swords over his bed, placed the portraits on top of his dresser, and hung the mask above his desk. The room was already beginning to feel more like home.
…
One of his first shifts serving tea he overheard a conversation.
“Did you hear about that Fire Prince?” One man asked his companion. This immediately got Zuko’s attention.
“What about him? The ashmaker commit another war crime?”
“No, the young one. I think he was like ten or something. He was killed in the palace in the dead of night. The Fire Lord is saying he was assassinated by some Earth Kingdom forces. He’s refusing to let anyone see the body or to give the kid a real state funeral. Apparently he’s claiming there’s no time to mourn in war.”
“That’s cold, even for the ashmakers. Why would the Earth King want to kill a ten year old? If they could get into the palace like that wouldn’t they go for the head guy himself?”
“I don’t know. The whole thing seems sketchy to me. I’d almost bet that the Fire Lord had him killed and won’t let anyone see the body cause of the burns. There’s been rumors for years that the guy wasn’t his son’s biggest fan. And now his untimely death is the best piece of propaganda the Fire Nation has had in years! Seems fishy. I heard military recruitment is way up.”
“That’s fucked up, man,” someone nearby shushed the men and reminded them that there was no war in Ba Sing Se, and that was the end of the conversation.
Zuko could feel the tears in his eyes and hurried to the kitchen before anyone could see. Lana was beside him in an instant and helped him to a chair. “Is it true?” he choked out over the lump in his throat. “They think I’m dead and my father wouldn’t even give me the proper rites.”
“They’ve been telling the world you’re dead. The White Lotus made your disappearance look like a kidnapping, not a murder. It was your father who decided not to look for you. He’s been using your death to rally troops. There has been no official notice of a funeral or rites. I’m so sorry,” she put her hands on Zuko’s shoulders and slowly enveloped him in a hug as he cried.
“He never wanted me,” from that moment on he had no misconceptions about what it was he ran away from.
…
His new life became normal faster than expected. He learned how to wait tables and interact with customers, quickly getting the reputation of being a young man of few words but a good listener. His tea making skills weren’t great, but his baking improved quickly and became a major selling point for the shop. He went to school and made a few friends. He grew to love a sport called sepak takraw that required players to get a ball over a net using only their feet and knees; his flexibility and firebending training gave him what some might consider an unfair advantage. He woke up with the sun every morning and meditated then baked. On weekends, he went to the abandoned fields on the outskirts of the city and practiced his bending. During his breaks from school, he’d either go stay with Jeong Jeong and his deserters or Master Piandao to train. His uncle usually visited at least once a year on the pretext of a Prince’s tour of the colonies which almost always happened to align with Zuko’s birthday, he could never stay long but he wrote to Zuko and Lana often. Lana proved to be a skilled scholar who taught him about arts and science and made him feel truly, unconditionally loved for the first time. Six years passed this way, it was a nice life.
On his fifteenth birthday, Master Jeong Jeong declared he was a firebending master. The old master claimed he’d been a master for some weeks but wanted to keep it a birthday surprise. After his sixteenth birthday he was brought to his first White Lotus meeting. He’d heard about the group from Lana and was slowly brought in. He learned of the network that allowed for his escape and continued security. He even received his own white lotus tile, despite being rubbish at Pai Sho. They often talk about him theoretically challenging for the throne someday. He believed that one day he could help bring balance to the world. He did not know how soon that day would come.
A few weeks before his eighteenth birthday, the entire city was abuzz. The eyes of the Avatar shrine at the edge of the city had glowed; the Avatar had returned.