Work Text:
Today is a special day.
The bus brakes hissed as I made my way to the front, clearing the steps in a jump. Regaining my balance, I made my way down the icy sidewalk and towards the large gates of my destination. I took a deep breath, letting the white puff escape my mouth before it dissipated tracelessly in the cold. I reached with a gloved hand, pushing the iron gate open.
The snow crunched loudly under my feet. Small flurries of snowflakes chased one another in the chilly breeze. I made my way across the courtyard, paying no mind to the cold. I’ve always appreciated the colder seasons, anyways. Mom likes cool weather, too. Fuyumi and Touya, as well. In a place like this, I feel furthest from father, which is relieving. The cold can provide a sense of numb relief.
I approached the spot I had come to meet him at, a sloppily frosted cupcake in hand for the occasion.
“I know I haven’t visited lately, sorry about that. College has been pretty busy, but...” I smiled, apology wavering and dying in the air, “Happy birthday, Touya,”.
Silence.
“Remember that one teacher I told you about last time? Well, last week he assigned us a big essay-like, one of the ones with a ton of pages, y’know? Well, when I saw the attached document- he must’ve uploaded the wrong file-he sent out a picture of his cat to everyone. Nobody understood what to do, so we just didn’t tell him until after the due date,” I laughed, eyes averted, “and he gave us all a free 100 for it!”
I forced the laugh to go on a bit longer, hoping for any sign of change. I listened, keeping my head down. Nothing. I decided to change the subject.
“Shouto is doing well in school. He’s always getting into trouble somehow, but he’s one of the top students in his class. He’s made some new friends, as well. A good bunch, his class is,” I waited a moment before continuing. Shouto excelling as a hero wasn’t a good choice of topic, was it? Hopefully I haven’t struck a nerve. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
“Fuyumi is doing well, too. She’s always worrying over us and trying to get me to make up with him as if nothing happened... I know, still. She should give up, at this point. I can’t forgive someone who treated you like that for so long, you know that. Her kindergarten class this year is a handful, she said. One kid has some sort of adhesive quirk. ‘Yumi didn’t know about it, and I don’t suppose the kid did either. Her hand was stuck to the desk for an hour, you should’ve heard her when she called me that day-you would’ve thought it was hilarious!”
I was met with only more silence. I wished I could at least have a conversation with him that wasn’t so one sided. I took the quiet air as permission to keep talking, anyways.
“I’m doing well in class, too. I like living on my own, mostly. I feel a bit bad for ‘Yumi, but...” I shook it off and changed course, “I’m studying real hard. I’m gonna be a doctor. I’m gonna be able to help so many people. We both know that in this crazy age of quirks, we could all use an extra doctor or two,” my hand fidgeted in my pocket, turning a small metal object around between my fingers, “Remember when we were little and you kept burning yourself with your quirk? I would always play doctor with you, cleaning your burns and putting your bandages on. I liked to think me talking to you when you were hurt would cheer you up. I think it did, didn’t it?”
My voice cracked, words faltering. My throat stung and heart raced, but I wasn’t done yet. I held the chocolate cupcake up in front of me, taking the lighter out of my hoodie pocket. It wasn’t a particularly pretty cupcake, adorning a single blue candle. Baking wasn’t my strong suit, but I tried. And I supposed it was good enough if it had survived public transportation to get here, right? My hand fumbled with the lighter, flicking the switch 3 times before it held a steady flame. Holding both fire and baked good close to my chest in shelter of the wind, I let the orange-red embers grasp the candle end. Once lit, I stuffed the lighter back into my pocket and held my hand close to the heat.
“I brought you something. It’s not much, I know, but I had to get you something for your birthday,” I let out a shaky breath, “Mom is a lot better. She misses you. Heck, we all do,”
My face was hot, but streaks down my cheeks felt like ice. My throat was even more raw than before. Eyes burning, I swallowed hard.
“Touya, I-“ I couldn’t find the words. Eyes blurring, I dropped to my knees. I placed the cupcake down in front of me, not even caring enough to try masking the cascade of tears anymore.
“I miss you so much, Touya- I can’t-“ I took a sharp breath of air, helplessly rubbing my sleeves over my face.
“Please, come home,” I whispered.
I forced my head up. The marble slab stared wordlessly back. Its only response the kanji I had read a hundred times over. The words were engraved in my brain as deep as they were in the stone itself.
Touya Todoroki
-A bright flame extinguished too soon-
“Come home, Touya,”
The candle’s young flame flickered in the snowfall, soon snuffed out by the unforgiving world.
•••••••
I watched the white haired figure from a distance. He was still a child, no matter his age.
Tch.
I shook my head slightly. It was amusing to watch, really. Perhaps more amusing, still, that he continued to do this every year without fail. He shouldn’t care anymore, Touya was long gone. Natsuo’s sobs were drowned out by the snowfall. He stayed curled in front of the empty grave for too long. When was he gonna move on and get his life together?
Not that it mattered to me. His life isn’t my problem. Once the cemetery was devoid of any living being, I walked to the grave and crouched down. The name that the grave carried didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t need a cupcake. Touya was weak. He was kind. He believed in heroes and their lies.
It’s good that he’s dead.
I picked up the treat. Haven’t had one of these in a while. Unwrapping the paper at the base and picking off the candle, I took a bite. It was mildly overcooked.
(So was I. Not like I had room for judgement.)
I still wasn’t entirely sure why I came here every year. I had convinced myself that it was only for the food Natsuo often left. Surely that was the only reason. I’m empty as ever inside, this isn’t some crappy redemption story where the villain changes their ways and skips back home to mommy.
Still, I couldn’t help but wonder as I chewed.
If Touya is truly dead, why does it hurt to hear Natsu’s cries for a corpse’s name?