Archive of Our Own

Joshua’s feet dragged, letting out a sigh as his apartment finally came into view. Today had been almost painfully long, and after his bright idea to stop by the store for ingredients to cook himself dinner tonight, the trek home had been even longer, his arms laden with grocery bags. The cooking idea had been a fun one at about lunch time, but by now, the leftovers in his fridge seemed much more appealing, deciding he would save these ingredients for another day. 

Force of habit had him going to the wall of mail slots in the lobby, shifting all of his grocery bags into one hand to unlock the little mailbox. He wasn’t expecting anything, surprised to see a postcard, so flat against the bottom of the metal box that he almost missed it. Eyebrows furrowed in curiosity, Joshua pulled it out to take a look. 

The front was cute, two little cartoon snowmen smiling at each other, one in a green scarf and the other in red, their long carrot noses almost touching, the little sticks of their tree branch hands overlapping. The trees and ground around them were all snow-covered, some of the patches of snow roughly textured with glitter.

He flipped the postcard over. There was no return address, no name of sender. Written in clumsy Korean were two sentences. 

I’m drunk, and this is the only address I can remember. Merry Christmas, I love you.

Instead of a signature, at the bottom of the postcard was a messy little doodle of a tiger’s head, the animal wearing a little grin on its cute, cartoony face. 

Joshua looked over the postcard again, wondering what on earth it was, and who it could have come from. This wasn’t something he thought any of his friends would do, and he’d moved recently into this apartment complex; none of his exes—had any of them even liked him enough to say “I love you” like this?—would know this address. 

Maybe the postcard had been mixed up in the mail. It had to be meant for someone else. 

It wasn’t like he could send it back, though. He had no way of knowing who it was from. And the thought behind it was a nice one, the sender thinking of their intended recipient with such a strong affection that even in such a drunken state, they’d wanted to send a Christmas card. He found it sweet, reading over the message and smiling on his way up the stairs to his door, placing his groceries on the kitchen counter and sticking the postcard to his refrigerator with a magnet. 

It struck him, looking at the smiling, hand-holding snowmen, just how weird this might be, pinning up someone else’s mail. But he wasn’t flying home for the holidays or his birthday this year. He was going to miss his mother and grandmother terribly, and he wasn’t going to get any more mail from them; as soon as his inability to travel had been realized, his mother, terrified of her packages getting lost in the mail or arriving too late, had sent them as early as she could. He had five neatly wrapped packages and two cards under his very meager, three foot tall plastic pine tree. 

After deciding the two snowmen on the postcard were definitely gay, Joshua pulled some leftovers from his refrigerator, popped them in the microwave, and began putting his groceries away. 

The sudden postcard was already more than Joshua expected, so he was extremely surprised when he checked his mail a couple of days later and had an envelope in the mailbox. His name wasn’t on the front of it but his address was, and this time there was the name and address of the sender in the top corner. He had a letter from Kwon Soonyoung, who lived somewhere in an apartment roughly thirty minutes away. Joshua could say with confidence that he knew no one by that name. Interest piqued, and feeling much more alive now than he had coming home from work in weeks, Joshua made his way up the stairs and sat on his couch, ripping the envelope open and unfolding the paper inside. 

Sorry if this is weird. I’m the one that sent you that postcard.

Okay, now that’s out of the way. I was trying to start the letter properly, with To and everything, but it felt too formal and I just kept staring at it without writing anything down, so I did something else instead. 

But yeah, the postcard is from me. And I know you don’t know who I am, but I don’t know who you are either! I just know this address because it’s where I lived before I moved. I was arguing with my friends (after having a few drinks, which you could probably tell) about how early was too early to send a Christmas card. I said there was no such thing as too early! And I’m sure you agree. But then my friends pointed out that I hadn’t sent any Christmas cards yet, which was a good point. 

I had to prove them wrong, obviously. Which is how all that happened. In my defense, one of the friends that was there was sober the entire time and just likes to watch me make a fool of myself, so if you have any curses you want to say for your evening being disrupted by a stupid message and two (obviously gay, right?) snowmen, please direct them at a ‘Lee Jihoon’. He could have stopped me, and he didn’t. 

Maybe the postcard got lost in the mail, and you have no idea what I’m talking about. You don’t have to respond to this. I just wanted to explain, so you wouldn’t be creeped out. Unless this is also kinda creepy. I don’t know. It’s better than not knowing, isn’t it? 

Anyway, Merry Christmas, whoever you are. Again, I’m sorry for all of this. Stay warm, ok? Don’t catch a cold!

The letter was signed with Kwon Soonyoung this time, but the little tiger drawing was back, much less messy than it was on the postcard. Joshua felt a bit strange about the apology; Kwon Soonyoung was worried about making Joshua feel uncomfortable, but Joshua had actually been amused and comforted by the postcard instead. He didn’t want Soonyoung to worry, going and getting a notebook and pen from the desk in his bedroom. Soonyoung had said that he didn’t have to reply, and replying might be weird too, but he figured that Soonyoung had been weird first. Plus, Joshua actually had a return address this time. 

To Kwon Soonyoung,
It wasn’t weird!

Okay, maybe it was, but I didn’t mind it. It was kind of touching, actually. I hung the postcard up on my fridge, so I’m probably weird too. But it’s the only Christmas card I have. I’m going to be lonely this year, so getting festive mail was nice. Definitely not too early to celebrate.

Happy Holidays!
Joshua Hong

P.S. I would draw a cute animal too, but my art is horrible, so I won’t. I like the little tiger, though.
P.P.S. Those snowmen are definitely gay.

He had to actually go to a post office to buy envelopes and stamps, sending his response the next day. He told Jeonghan about it at work, because Jeonghan was his best friend, and had been suspicious immediately about the new spring in his step. 

“You said you were happy about the postcard because you’re lonely?” Jeonghan asked. “Shua, are you actively trying to make yourself sound like a loser?”

“Oh, shut up.” Joshua had to stop and think for a moment; Jeonghan’s jab had made him forget the English word for “festive”. “I’m upset that I can’t go home this year. Besides, he was worried he freaked me out. Wouldn’t that be a nice thing to say?” 

He and Jeonghan worked together at a translation company. Entertainment agencies always requested their services more often over the holidays, and since the rent was higher at Joshua’s new apartment—mostly because he didn’t want any roommates, desperate to finally live on his own—he’d decided he needed the extra pay more than he needed a plane ticket. 

“If you’re lonely, you can always hang out with Cheol and I,” Jeonghan said, shoving aside two of his Japanese dictionaries and picking up the third, flipping to some of the back pages. “You’re really good at being a third wheel.”

Joshua wrinkled his nose at his friend. It was partially for show, because he did genuinely like Jeonghan and his boyfriend Seungcheol, but it could be insufferable sometimes, to hang out with the two of them together. 

“I’ll pass.”

Soonyoung’s response came faster than expected. 

Honestly, Joshua had only been half expecting—half hoping, really, but he wasn’t telling himself that—for Soonyoung to respond at all. But he had a letter in his mailbox three days later, probably as fast as the post office was able to operate, and this time, his name was written on the front of the envelope. Joshua beamed when he saw it, itching to open it all the way up the stairs, dropping down on his couch as soon as he entered his apartment so he could read what was inside. 

To Joshua,
Look! I did it all proper this time! Feels kinda weird, but your letter was all nice, so I figured I should.

I am offended, honestly. There’s no way a handsome man like yourself is going to be alone on Christmas. Christmas! The most romantic day of the year! It isn’t fair. The world can’t be that cruel, can it?

(Don’t worry, just because I know where you live, I don’t actually know what you look like. But I have the feeling that you’re handsome. I can tell. My intuition is pretty good about these things.)

(Also, I just realized I know where you live. That’s kinda weird. I’m sorry.)

But I can understand it because unfortunately I, too, am a handsome young man that’s alone this year. My friends are all dating, and are so grossly in love with each other that it’s sort of awful. I love my friends, and I love love, and I love that my friends are in love with my other friends, but still. It’s kind of hard sometimes, you know? And I won’t be able to see my family until after the holidays.

You do have some friends you can spend the day with, right? Do I need to stage an intervention? Blink twice if you need help.

Love,
Kwon Soonyoung

Joshua stared at the word “love” for a long moment, long enough to realize he’d been smiling the entire time he’d read Soonyoung’s letter. Then he got out some paper to draft out a response. 

To Soonyoung,
Congratulations, it is very proper.

Usually, I visit my family for the holidays, but because of work, I can’t this year. That’s why I’m lonely. But hey! I do have friends, and I could hang out with them. They offer all the time. They just don’t really celebrate, so it’s kind of just me.

I don’t know what to say for your intuition. I am a man, so you’ve at least got that part. And I’m guess I’m young too? I’m 26. That’s young, right?

My friends are in love with each other too. That’s why I moved into this apartment, actually; my roommate wanted his boyfriend to move in with us. He’s a great guy, we go to the gym together, but I felt like I was intruding. They’re great, but they’re probably glad I’m gone. And I like living here too, so it’s fine.

(Don’t worry, I know where you live, too. I mean, I have your address, at least. So it’s not that weird.)

You sound like you might be lonely too. Do you need help?

Joshua stared at the bottom of the page. It was time for him to sign off with something, but he didn’t think he could put “love” like Soonyoung had.

Festively yours,
Joshua

“Wait, he’s in love with you?” Jeonghan raised his eyebrows, the wind blowing his hair across his face as he put his plastic spoon back in the thermos for his soup. Joshua had no idea why his friend had wanted to eat lunch outside. It was so cold that he couldn’t feel his nose anymore. “What kind of magic nonsense are you sending in those letters? Did you mail him a picture of your dick or something?”

“You need to shut up,” Joshua told him, wanting to move on before he had time to think through the logistics of taking a picture, printing it out, and folding it up to fit it in an envelope. “I didn’t say that. Just that he signed it with ‘love’.”

“Right,” Jeonghan responded. Joshua could tell that it didn’t matter, and that Jeonghan was going to tease him anyway. 

“He said ‘I love you’ in his first postcard too, before he knew who I was, so he doesn’t actually mean it. He’s just, I don’t know, being cute.”

“Oh, so he’s cute now, huh?”

“I mean, he called himself handsome.”

“And you can never trust someone’s description of themselves,” Jeonghan responded. “When I met you, you didn’t introduce yourself as ‘world’s second prettiest man’, which was kind of lying by omission. So I’m not inclined to believe him.”

Joshua rolled his eyes at the compliment, then noticed that despite the joke, Jeonghan was looking over him somewhat seriously. 

“What?”

“You like him, don’t you?” 

“What?” Joshua stuffed some of his own lunch into his mouth, chewing his quickly freezing spaghetti so he didn’t have to answer right away. “You’re the one that just said I don’t know him.”

“Oh, Shua. You have a big, stupid crush on the Mystery Postcard Man.”

“I don’t!”

“If I knew the loneliness was this bad, I would have started working on getting you laid weeks ago.”

“I hate you,” Joshua said, and Jeonghan began to laugh. 

Joshua was sure that Jeonghan didn’t actually think he had a crush on Soonyoung. He also didn’t think that he’d lied, either,  when he’d said he didn’t. What he did think, though, was that developing a crush was a genuine possibility, and judging by the way he caught himself smiling when he saw another letter in his mailbox five days later, was a possibility that could be quickly incoming. 

To Joshi,
I tried a nickname! You can tell me if you hate it. It won’t hurt my feelings. 

Does your family not live nearby? I know I said I wasn’t going to see my family until after the holidays, but that wasn’t completely true. My sister is out of the country right now, but I’m still going to visit my parents. It wouldn’t be the holidays without my mom’s kimchi! And my sister will be back before the new year, so it won’t be long before I see her again. 

I knew you were a man! Or, I was pretty sure. A friend of mine told me that Joshua was a guy’s name. He also said it was an American name. Are you an American guy? And don’t worry, 26 is young. I’m 25, so I’m younger. Ha!

I still think you’re handsome, though. 

But don’t say that, I’m sure your roommate misses you. My roommates are two of my friends that are dating, but one of them has been my friend since I was fifteen and the other one is the best chef ever, so I’m happy to live with them. Besides, before Jihoon’s boyfriend actually moved in he was over all the time, so I haven’t accidentally walked in on any new situation or unseen body part in like three years. So it’s not too bad. 

Don’t tell Jihoon I said that. 

But hey, I just had a thought. 

I know where you live, and you know where I live. If you’re going to be lonely on Christmas, and I’m going to be lonely on Christmas, then why don’t we try being a little less lonely together? 

If that’s weird, you can just pretend I never said anything. But… I don’t know. It could be nice, right? Let me know how you feel. 

Love,
Soonyoung 

A little less lonely together. The insinuation was clear, but it still took a moment for what Soonyoung truly meant to sink in.  

Soonyoung wanted to meet him for Christmas. 

It was definitely an exciting thought, but it was nerve-wracking too. Not because he didn’t know Soonyoung; stranger danger was always a thing, but Joshua didn’t really feel too threatened by a guy whose uninhibited instinct when writing a postcard to a stranger was to end it with “I love you”. If Soonyoung was half as cute as the sweet, excitable words he wrote with and the little tiger doodles he drew, meeting him would probably be wonderful. 

It made Joshua nervous anyway. 

He didn’t write back immediately, like he usually did. He needed an answer for Soonyoung and he didn’t have one, deciding he’d sleep on it. The next morning though, he was still indecisive. His first instinct was to say yes, but every instinct after that was nervous and unsure. He decided he’d ask Jeonghan about it, but he’d barely gotten the entire story from his mouth before Jeonghan was answering. 

“Do it.”

“What?” Joshua hadn’t expected that at all. Or, not so immediately at least. “I thought you didn’t trust him.”

“I mean, I don’t.” Jeonghan said with a shrug. “But I’m also trying to get you laid, remember?” 

Joshua sighed. “Why did I even think I could ask you?”

“Hey!” Jeonghan sounded genuinely hurt. “I’ll go with you, if you’re nervous. We can even call it a double date with Cheolie, if you’re embarrassed about wanting a chaperone. But honestly Shua, you seem to actually like this guy. He makes you all, you know, perky and stuff.”

“Perky?”

“Yeah! So go meet him.” Jeonghan poked him in the chest. Joshua leaned away, squirming, wondering if Jeonghan had meant to poke him in the nipple or not. Both options were equally possible. “You aren’t actually asking me, anyway. You want to go, and you just want someone to say that you shouldn’t. So do it. What do you have to lose?” 

Joshua felt that he had plenty to lose. If they met in person, Soonyoung wouldn’t write him letters anymore. Soonyoung might back out, or not show, or be someone completely different than he advertised himself to be. 

Worst of all, Soonyoung might not like him.

But there was an option, too, of the opposite being true. Joshua wasn’t in the business of being too self-deprecating, so he pulled out a piece of paper once he’d gotten home that night and penned out another letter. 

To Soonyoung,
The nickname is fine! It’s a new one; people usually call me Shua. I don’t think I’ve ever been called Joshi before. Do you have any nicknames that you like? I don’t really think I could make up one. 

My family lives in Los Angeles, in America. I’m an only child though, so it’s really just my mom and my grandma. I moved to Korea a few years after high school. I am Korean, to answer your question. Both of my parents are, and everything. It was a pretty big culture shock anyway, though. 

For what it’s worth, I think you’re probably pretty handsome too.

Joshua stared at that sentence for a full five minutes, getting up and pacing his living room, trying to talk himself out of scrapping the whole letter and starting again. It was just flirting, just a little bit of flirting that Soonyoung had already started a couple of letters ago. It would be good, wouldn’t it? If Soonyoung really was a handsome young man, then Joshua did want to flirt with him, because he quite liked handsome men. Flirting just wasn’t his strong suit, usually. 

Finally, he forced himself to sit back down and pick up his pen. He left the sentence there. 

My roommate is my coworker, and he’s been my best friend for years, so we still see each other every day. And his boyfriend isn’t the best chef ever or anything like that, so there wasn't much incentive there. I have to be content with my own cooking. I’ve been getting better at it, though. 

Meeting up on Christmas? I think I’d really like that, Soonyoung. Where would you want to meet? What would you like to do? 

Excited to see you,
Joshua

He sent the letter the next morning. He was nervous the moment the envelope left his hands, second-guessing himself immediately, wondering what Soonyoung would say, or how Soonyoung would respond. Every morning Jeonghan would see him, click his tongue, and go back to work, knowing the crease between his eyebrows meant that Soonyoung hadn’t written him back yet. 

The response took a while to arrive. Three days before Christmas, there was finally an envelope in his mailbox. Joshua grabbed for it, opening it right there in his apartment lobby despite the chill in the air, shivering every time the door opened for someone else to enter. 

To Joshi Josh,
Oh, Shua is really cute! I like that a lot, actually. I’m trying to get my friends to call me Hoshi, but it’s not really catching on. I’ll explain the nickname when we meet up! As long as you promise me that you’ll use it. 

I’m sorry, I want to respond to everything you said but I’m too excited, so I’m going to just skip to the bottom: yes. Definitely. I want to meet you. It’ll probably be an easier thing to plan over the phone, so here’s my number. Text me when you get this!! 

Sure enough, the rest of the letter was a string of numbers, signed with Soonyoung and punctuated by a little tiger head. It was both the shortest and the most exciting letter from Soonyoung that Joshua had ever received. 

He read over it three more times on his way up the steps to his apartment, then fell onto the couch, phone in hand. He tapped to open a new message and carefully entered Soonyoung’s number. Then the blank message box was staring him down. 

After agonizing over what kind of quip he should open with for a solid seven minutes, Joshua just gave his head a shake, typed Hi, it’s Joshua! Is this Soonyoung? into the message box, and hit send. Then he threw his phone face down on the couch and jumped up his feet, going to his kitchen and distracting himself with what he should have for dinner, muttering that he was fine. He was standing with his fridge door open, staring into it without seeing anything, when his phone went off. He shut the door and scrambled for it. 

From: Soonyoung 
!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi!!!!!!!
OMG hi
Oh it’s Soonyoung btw 
Yes it’s me

Joshua actually laughed out loud a little bit. Never in his life had he gotten a response this excited from a text, especially one so boring. 

To: Soonyoung 
Yes, hi
I got your letter! And it said to text you, so. 

From: Soonyoung
You only just now got it? Oh man, the mail was slow this time. But that’s okay! 
But yeah, I thought it would be easier to do this over the phone
Especially since it’s almost Christmas, we’re kind of out of time for more letters 

That was true, Joshua nodding a bit. 

To: Soonyoung
So you want to meet on Christmas day then? 

From: Soonyoung
Yes!! If that’s okay
When are you free? 

Joshua thought for a moment. He wanted to be flexible and say that whenever was fine, but he had Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve and a video call with his mother and grandmother right after, expecting to be up until around three in the morning. He’d want to sleep in after that, but he couldn’t stay up late either, work starting up again the day after Christmas, weekends be damned. There was really only a sliver of time he could operate in, nervous as he responded.

To: Soonyoung
The afternoon is probably the earliest I’d be free. And I can’t stay out too late? Maybe 10pm? 

From: Soonyoung
Okay

He was quiet for a moment after that, the little typing bubble appearing and disappearing twice in quick succession. Joshua worried his bottom lip with his teeth, nervous that this wouldn’t work out after all. Then, finally, Soonyoung responded. 

From: Soonyoung
Want to go to dinner with me?

Dinner. Dinner was a bit of a date-like activity, wasn’t it? It also could just be two friends, having a meal together. But… Joshua trapped his tongue between his teeth.

To: Soonyoung
Do you have a place in mind?

From: Soonyoung
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is that a yes? 

Joshua almost laughed. He was someone that used texting to try to look a bit more suave, with the opportunity to get his first, gut-reaction out of the way without it showing on his face, to think through what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. But not Soonyoung, with his exclamation points of excitement. 

To: Soonyoung
Yes, it’s a yes.

From: Soonyoung
Ok! I do have a place in mind. Do you like chicken? 

The conversation that followed was a pretty straightforward back and forth, Soonyoung offering a restaurant, and a time, and a place in town to meet up. Joshua agreed to all the suggestions Soonyoung made, getting more and more endeared every moment by the way Soonyoung texted; it was like the letters, but more frequent, and somehow even cuter. 

From: Soonyoung
Alright, it’s a date!
I mean, it doesn’t have to be a date though, just like, a meet up
Unless you want it to be

Joshua stared at his phone, wondering how to respond. After a few minutes he gave up completely, deciding to put the ball back in Soonyoung’s court instead. He really was bad at this flirting thing.

To: Soonyoung
Soonyoung, do you want it to be? 

Soonyoung’s response also took a couple of minutes.

From: Soonyoung
Yeah
Yeah I do

To: Soonyoung
Then it’s a date. 

He added a smiley emoji for good measure. Soonyoung sent one back, as well as a tiger emoji, and Joshua laughed. 

He ended up buying a gift for Soonyoung. He didn’t really mean to, in town running errands when he saw an enamel pin of a tiger head through the window of one of those small, quirky shops. He told himself that it was probably okay, not too weird, not too much; the pin was barely two inches long and relatively inexpensive, and he didn’t even wrap it himself, the cashier putting it in a box and tying it up cutely for him when he’d said it was a gift. And gifts were what Christmas was for, right?

Christmas morning was a bit of a mixed bag. He was dead tired from being up all night, and while it was wonderful to see his family, it made him miss them more at the same time. He promised over and over that he’d see them again next year, a promise he fully intended to keep. Then he spent some time on a call with Jeonghan—with Seungcheol popping in every once and awhile, beaming, or protesting whenever Joshua ganged up with Jeonghan to tease him—Jeonghan offering to help Joshua pick out his outfit.

“I need to know what you’re going to wear!” Jeonghan insisted. “If you get kidnapped, I can make the missing posters.” 

“Wow, thanks,” Joshua responded dryly, and Jeonghan giggled. But it was good to have Jeonghan to talk to, the distraction helping curb the nerves curling in Joshua’s stomach. Jeonghan seemed to know that, and kept him on the phone until it was time for him to go. With their rendezvous spot only fifteen minutes away, Joshua didn’t have much time to get worried about the meeting. He shrugged on his heavy coat, pulled on his gloves, and wrapped himself up in a scarf, slipping his gift for Soonyoung into his coat pocket and hoping that he’d be able to recognize the right time to give it to him. Then he was off.

He took the train into the city, getting a text from Soonyoung as soon as he stepped off.

From: Soonyoung
I’m here! I’m the one with the black hair, in the giant red scarf.

To: Soonyoung
Red scarf? That’s all you’re going to give me?

From: Soonyoung
Trust me, you’ll see it. It’s a huge scarf. 

In Soonyoung’s defense, when Joshua approached the meeting spot, he saw the red scarf first. It was absolutely massive, incredibly thick and vibrantly colored, hanging down past the knees of the person wearing it. It was wrapped around, and around, and around a man named Kwon Soonyoung, who met his eyes and, noticing he was being stared at, gave a hesitant wave. When Joshua waved back Soonyoung’s face broke into a smile, and Joshua’s heart nearly stopped in his chest. 

Kwon Soonyoung was the same height as him, but looked a bit compact with how padded up he was in his warm clothing, his coat almost hilariously puffy. His eyes were slim, sparklingly bright, disappearing behind the happiness in his cheeks when he beamed. His hair was black, a bit too long to be a bowl cut, fluffed out with soft waves. 

He was easily the cutest person Joshua had ever seen in his life. 

“Soonyoung?” Joshua decided to ask, just to be safe. 

“And you’re Joshua?” Soonyoung asked back, and god, even his voice was adorable, light and soft. He was still smiling, the expression shaping the tone of his words. “I knew you were handsome.” 

Joshua didn’t know how to respond to that, smiling dumbly, ducking his head towards his feet as he laughed a bit, and Soonyoung laughed back. 

“Want to head to the restaurant?” Soonyoung offered. “Get out of the cold?”

Joshua nodded, Soonyoung beckoning him to walk along, and they set off. 

“I told you that you’d see the scarf,” Soonyoung told him, plucking at it. 

“Yeah, you did.” Joshua looked over it. “Where did you get that thing?”

“My friend Minghao made it!” Soonyoung said, excitement in his voice. “He’s an artist, and he’s tried painting, sketching, dancing, songwriting… All sorts of stuff. So he decided to get into knitting next, and… I mean, he is an artist, but he’s kind of avant-garde. An avant-gardist.” Soonyoung plucked at the fabric. “This is actually a sock.”

“You’re kidding,” Joshua said, after a moment of staring. Soonyoung burst into giggles, reaching down to grab the end. Sure enough, it was foot-shaped. 

“See? Sock.” 

“Your friends seem very interesting, Soonyoung,” Joshua said, because it was true, and Soonyoung laughed again. 

“They are! You’ll have to meet them. Later, though. Next time, maybe.” They’d reached the restaurant, Soonyoung glancing at him. “Tonight is just for us.”

Joshua’s heart jumped into his throat, unable to do much more than look at him. Soonyoung had said a couple of light, flirty things in his letters and text messages--and this was a date, it was, but Joshua hadn’t prepared himself for it happening in person. 

Soonyoung looked at him for a moment before laughing, glancing down at his feet. “Sorry, that was a little cheesy, wasn’t it?” 

This was flirting. This was a date. Joshua needed to flirt back. He definitely wanted to. 

“It’s okay, I liked it.” 

Soonyoung looked surprised in turn, managing out an “oh” around a smile, the grin staying on his face all the way into the restaurant. They were tucked away at a little two person table near the back, the feeling of it secluded, and just a bit romantic. 

“So, um…” Soonyoung still seemed a bit flustered, and it was painfully cute. “Do you have a job?” 

It was a bit of a clumsy question but Joshua took it in stride, nodding, telling Soonyoung about his work as a translator. Soonyoung hadn’t seemed to realize that his family living in Los Angeles meant he would be bilingual, and the wonder on his face when Joshua threw out a couple of English sentences made Joshua smile so much that Soonyoung actually teased him about it. 

Soonyoung, in turn, told Joshua about his work as a choreographer. His friend Minghao made a reappearance during the story, as well as a couple of others. Soonyoung seemed to have a lot of friends, but with how upbeat and lovely he was, Joshua couldn’t find it in himself to be very surprised. 

“Do you have any plans for the rest of the night?” Soonyoung asked. They’d just paid for their meal, slipping back out into the cold evening air. “Or just an early bedtime, or something?”

“Hey!” Joshua protested at the teasing words, Soonyoung giggling and curling away a bit, turning back to him when he realized Joshua wasn’t going to hit at him. “No, it’s—I have work tomorrow. And I was up late last night too; I was at church at midnight.”

“Is the church even open at midnight?” Soonyoung asked back, surprised. 

“It is on Christmas.”

“Oh, okay. So you like, really celebrate Christmas then.” Soonyoung seemed a bit surprised, Joshua nodding and glancing over, worried for a minute that it might be a problem. But then Soonyoung continued. “That’s neat.”

That made Joshua laugh. “Thanks, I guess?” 

Dinner was over. They could part ways now. But Joshua didn’t want to, and Soonyoung didn’t seem to want to either, and after dancing around that exact sentiment without vocalizing it, Joshua asked Soonyoung if he wanted to go somewhere to get coffee. Soonyoung did, Joshua leading them to a café that was a bit closer to his apartment, the tiger pin suddenly a bit heavier in his pocket. 

They got their drinks, tucking themselves away again in a booth. 

“Hey, Joshi?” Soonyoung’s voice was a bit hesitant, Joshua glancing over at him. He’d taken his coat off in the warmth of the café, his scarf a coiled heap in his lap, and Joshua could see now that he had the lean, strong body of a dancer. And yeah, the nickname was even cuter coming out of Soonyoung’s mouth. 

“What?” 

“Oh, I just—I really like your piercings,” Soonyoung told him, curling both his hands around his coffee cup. “I’ve been thinking it all night, but I just haven’t had a way to like, I don’t know, slip it in conversation, so…” 

He trailed off with a grin, hiding his abashed face behind his coffee cup. Joshua could feel himself blushing, reaching up to touch one of his ears. He met Soonyoung’s eyes and was struck, in that moment, with the strong desire to kiss him. 

“Thanks.” 

They sat there, blushing at each other for a moment before Soonyoung laughed, and Joshua laughed in return. Soonyoung began asking him questions about church, about sermon length and dress code and how often Joshua went, Joshua answering them all easily. 

“You dressed up in a suit?” Soonyoung asked, surprised, and Joshua nodded. “Oh, wow.” He brought his coffee cup to his lips, but it was obvious by the rise in his cheeks that he was smiling. “You should send me a picture.” 

“Oh?” Joshua asked back, and Soonyoung’s coy facade faded again into an embarrassed, but unapologetic smile. Joshua had taken some pictures in the mirror, both for Jeonghan and for his mother. The different photos had different feels to them, though; he could send Soonyoung the Jeonghan ones, if he was feeling bold. “Okay, I will.” 

As it had last time, reciprocation had Soonyoung going pink. They stayed in the café for almost two hours, getting refills of hot chocolate instead, each having a couple of cookies. That feeling was back when ten o’clock hit, a reluctance to part ways, and it was Soonyoung that got to his feet. 

“I don’t want to keep you too late,” he said. “But, since I don’t have any plans… Could I walk you home?” He grinned. “I know the way.”

“I’d like that,” Joshua said, and once they were out of the café he decided to go for it, reaching down to take Soonyoung’s hand. Soonyoung glanced at him quickly before looking away again, his gaze on their entwined fingers, a smile on his face. Joshua wanted to kiss him. All Joshua wanted was to kiss him. 

As they walked Soonyoung brought up the fact that it was, actually, Christmas Day, and they took turns talking about how their respective holidays had gone. By the time they got to Joshua’s apartment building, the tiger pin was burning a hole in his coat, and when they reached the door and Soonyoung let him go, Joshua slipped his hand into the pocket and closed his fingers around it. Something must have shown on his face, because Soonyoung frowned. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

“Oh, I just… I got something for you,” Joshua responded, pulling the present from his pocket, extending it out. Soonyoung’s expression went instantly to surprise. “It’s not—it’s not a big deal, so don’t worry about it, but—”

“You got me a present?” Soonyoung’s voice was soft with surprise, and he took the box gently from Joshua’s hands, pressing it to his chest. 

“It’s really not—” Joshua tried, cut off as Soonyoung pulled him in for a quick hug. “Hey, you don’t even know what it is yet.” 

“I’m sure I’ll love it anyway,” Soonyoung said, beginning to unwrap the gift. Then he opened the box, and his mouth fell open, the lid completely falling from his hands in favor of picking the pin up. 

“I saw it while I was out the other day and I don’t know, I thought of you,” Joshua explained quickly. “It’s really—I mean, it’s just a pin—”

“Oh Joshua, thank you, it’s perfect!” Soonyoung was pulling him in for another hug. This one, however, didn’t last long; Soonyoung pulled back quickly, looking distraught. “I don’t have anything for you!” 

“It’s okay!” Joshua said quickly. That was the last thing he wanted Soonyoung to worry about, but Soonyoung was still frowning. “This night has been enough of a present, I promise.” 

Soonyoung picked the lid up, closing the pin’s box and putting it in his pocket, a look of determination on his face now. Joshua almost asked about it, but then,

“Close your eyes.”

Joshua did, only a bit confused, nerves thrumming through his chest. 

“Give me your hands.”

Joshua did that too, feeling Soonyoung’s fingers tangling up with his own, feeling Soonyoung’s warmth as he stepped close. Joshua didn’t realize just how close until Soonyoung spoke again, the words ghosting gently against his face. 

“Okay, open them.” 

Joshua was met with Soonyoung looking at him, only a few inches away. He was so beautiful up close, warm brown eyes and dark eyelashes. 

“A kiss,” Soonyoung offered, looking a bit nervous. “If you want it.” 

Joshua looked into his eyes just a moment more, then kissed him. 

Soonyoung’s grip went tight on his hands in surprise, as though despite being the one offering, he hadn't expected it. Then he seemed to relax, pressing even closer and kissing Joshua back. Joshua took a few steps backwards until he felt his shoulder blades hit the door behind him, then pulled Soonyoung in. The touch of Soonyoung’s lips against his own was a spark that Joshua could feel throughout his entire body, wanting to kiss Soonyoung breathless. 

So he did. Soonyoung’s chest was heaving when he pulled back, a brightness in his eyes, a smile curling his pink mouth. 

“Merry Christmas, Joshua.” His voice was soft, stepping back a few more paces, putting a more normal amount of space between them. Joshua smiled back. 

“Merry Christmas.” 

“I’ll text you later, okay?” After a moment of looking over him, Soonyoung leaned in to press a quick, sweet kiss to his mouth. “Thanks for the present.”

Then he was gone, and Joshua was leaning against his door, pretty sure he’d just fallen in love. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, his mind already replaying the evening, jolted back to the present when his phone buzzed. 

From: Soonyoung
Ok I know I said I’d text you later 
And sorry if this is clingy but I kinda miss you already
So I just wanted to ask when you were free again?

A happy warmth curled in Joshua’s stomach. Soonyoung wanted to see him again, Joshua wanting to see him too, just as much. With Jeonghan’s help—because Jeonghan had mentioned wanting to help him, and Joshua was going to hold him to that—he could probably get out of work at least a little earlier than usual. 

To: Soonyoung
Are you free on Saturday?

From: Soonyoung 
I am
Wait
Isn’t Saturday tomorrow?

To: Soonyoung
Is that too soon? I want to see you too. 

From: Soonyoung 
Not too soon!! Saturday then. 
It’s a date!

To: Soonyoung 
A second date. 

Soonyoung sent him a string of heart emojis. Joshua stared at the message, his heart high in his chest. Then he realized he was still standing outside of his apartment door, probably looking like an idiot, unlocking it quickly to step inside. His worry from before about Soonyoung no longer sending him letters was all but gone, especially as his phone buzzed again in his hand. He didn’t open the message yet, going to his Photos app instead; he had some suit pictures to send.