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The gash on his side looked extremely painful. Not that she hadn´t seen wounds like that before, because she had seen enough of those sixteen years ago, but she just hadn´t expected to see one again after all the time that had passed.
With his head in her lap, it wasn´t hard to notice how much strength it took him not to scream out in pain. His breathing was fast and irregular and his hand squeezed her knee so hard she was sure she´d have it imprinted on her by tomorrow. She didn´t stop him though, despite the pain. She didn´t, because she knew his pain was by far worse than hers and also because it was him.
With every other person, she might have said something but with Saul, she just couldn´t bring herself to let go of him. He was after all one of the two people she trusted with her life, the one person she trusted with all her secrets, who probably knew more about her than she did herself. With one of her hands, she began stroking his hair softly. This sure had been one hell of a day.
It was a week after the burned one had been killed. He was better again but, much to Farah´s concern, he still had pain in his eyes whenever he thought no one was looking. Ben had told her at least a hundred times that all it took was time but it still had her worried.
She was sitting in her office, lost in her thoughts when there was a knock on the door and Saul came in. His expression was soft as if he himself had been deep in his thoughts before entering.
Upon looking at her his gaze hardened slightly and it made her frown.
“We need to speak about the protection.”, he said without greeting and his bad mood was a big surprise to her. He rarely had really bad days, at least not without good reason.
“What´s wrong?”, she asked without answering his question. He didn´t seem to notice though, as he began to speak about said protection.
“Some of your and my students have been reported to have left the grounds in search of the burned ones. I need you to strengthen the barriers so that they are safe.”
She raised her eyebrows. Not that it was unusual for him to care but the way he said it, it sounded like he was accusing her of something.
“I was actually asking what´s wrong with you.”, she said instead of commenting on his request.
He stared at her for a few seconds before his expression grew even harder.
“Nothing´s wrong. I am just worried.”, he stated and looked away, as if she couldn´t sense his lie when he wasn´t looking at her.
“Saul.”, she began but he still didn´t look at her. “I know, something´s wrong Saul. What is it?”
“It´s nothing.”, he stated but she could see just from his body language that something was very wrong. She knew him long enough after all.
She stared at him, but he just turned away and then after a few seconds of silence walked over to the door.
“Nevermind. I shouldn´t have come here.”
Without another word, he was out of the door.
Farah was sitting on her couch, desperately trying to get that stupid conversation out of her mind and focus on her book. She was worried, yes, but there was something else that bothered her. Why would he stop talking to her in times like these? Why would he be so distant in the first place? A week ago everything had been fine and now he was acting up all of a sudden. She thought back to when he had been hurt. His head had been in her lap and she had stroked his hair. It wasn´t unusual for them to be so close or at least it hadn´t been sixteen years ago. All of a sudden she felt all warm and fuzzy and before she knew it she felt her heartbeat speed up. ´What is this?´, she asked herself silently. She knew the answer before the thought was even finished.
“No.”, she said out loud to no other than herself. “Not again.”
A few days later and there had still been no communication between them. Not that Farah hadn´t tried to contact him but he avoided all of her calls and didn’t answer any of her messages. She was again sitting on her couch, this time actually reading her book, when there was a knock on her door. She let out an irritated scoff and got up from her couch, ready to lecture one of her students about bedtime. But when she opened the door, she found herself face to face with no other than the man that had been haunting her in her dreams for the past few nights. Saul looked at her uncomfortably.
Before she could say anything, he began to speak.
“Look, I´m sorry. I behaved like an asshole. Will you accept my gift of apology?” He held out a bottle of red wine and it made her sigh. He had never been a man of unnecessary words but that didn´t mean that it didn´t frustrate her.
“If you explain what happened I might consider forgiving you.”, she responded but stepped aside to signal that he could come in. He moved past her and she could smell his cologne. It smelled so like him that she forgot how to breathe for a second. When she came to her senses, she immediately closed the door followed him into her kitchen where he had already pulled out two glasses. Without looking up he began talking while pouring the wine into the glasses.
“I don´t know what has been wrong me, Farah. Last week was just … Since I was hurt I…” He paused for a second and she could see the frustration on his face. He handed her one of the glasses and leaned back against the kitchen counter.
“I don´t know what I´m feeling anymore.”, he suddenly declared and although it was stupid it made her heart skip a beat.
“What are you talking about?”, she asked and tried to look at him as if there wasn´t fighting a raging storm of feelings inside of her.
“You.” It was a single word that shifted a thousand worlds for her.
“Me?”, she asked surprisedly while there was a fire breaking out in her stomach.
“It´s… When I… Look, when I thought I was dying, I asked myself what I was so afraid of. The answer was simple. It was you. Loosing you made me so fucking scared. And when I was starting to feel better I suddenly couldn´t stop thing about you and…” His words were interrupted when Farah suddenly stood in front of him and pressed her lips onto his without hesitation. She could feel his surprise melt beneath her lips when he began kissing her back. It was slow, almost sensual, and when they parted both of them were a little breathless. They were still only a few centimeters apart and she could feel his breath on her mouth when he spoke.
“That. Was…”
“Surprising?”, she interrupted him.
“That too, but I wanted to say amazing.”
“Good.”, she said and then leaned in to kiss him again. His beard gave the kiss something rough and she had to admit that she kinda liked it. His mouth was devouring hers and all of a sudden her world spun and her back was pressed against the kitchen counter. The kiss grew more heated and passionate. With little effort, he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her up and on the counter. She crossed her legs around his back, pulling him closer in the process. His hands began to wander up and down her body, leaving goosebumps everywhere they touched. When they came to rest at the zipper of her dress, she felt him hesitate for a second before his fingers began to pull the zipper down.
“Why don´t you take me to the bedroom, Saul?”, Farah whispered against his lips suggestively. He lifted her up before she could even take another breath and carried her to her bedroom. Placing her on the bed he stood back up and pulled his shirt over his head revealing his very muscular chest and abdomen. While she was still admiring the view in front of her, she slipped out of her dress and carefully laid it on the ground next to her bed. Saul was on top of her before she could say anything else. His lips claimed hers with a passion she only knew from him on the battlefield. His hands on her bare skin felt even better than they had through the fabric of her dress. There was a roughness to them that she somehow seemed to like. Same went with his way of kissing her. She found herself lost in the pleasure and they hadn´t even done anything.
His hands came to the clasp of her bra and opened it with skilled fingers. She pulled it off and dropped it next to her bed onto her dress. She felt him chuckle against her mouth.
“What?”, she asked, “What´s so funny?” He gave her a peck on the lips.
“Even in situations like this, you have to have to have everything clean.” He chuckled again and gave her another peck on the lips.
“When you´re done with making fun of me we could continue where we left off.”, she said, faking annoyance.
“With pleasure.” He captured her lips again. One of his hands came up to her chest and began to massage one of her nipples gently. It made her gasp into his mouth while her own hands began to roam his torso. Although she knew how much he trained it still surprised her how much muscle there actually was, not that that was a bad thing. Her hands continued their path and went lower until she reached the hem of his jeans. Without hesitation, she opened them and waited for him to take them off, which he did. She watched him carefully and had to smile when he just carelessly threw the jeans over his shoulder. He was back on top of her in seconds but this time his mouth connected with her neck instead of her mouth. He found a spot that was highly sensitive and began kissing and licking the skin there. Her moans filled the previous silence of the room.
When his mouth wandered lower and began teasing her nipples one after another, she felt lost in the sensations. His hands were on her clit all of a sudden, rubbing her through the fabric of her underwear, she couldn´t stop the gasp that came out of her mouth. The sounds she made turned Saul on more than he could´ve ever imagined. Without an ounce of patience left he gripped her underwear and pulled it down her legs. His boxers followed right after and finally they were lying naked together. She could feel his erection press against her thigh and it sent a shiver of excitement through her.
“Ready?”, he asked and looked her deep in the eyes. She could only nod in response and it made him smile down at her. Then he lined himself up and she could feel the tip of his cock pressing against her entrance. They looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment. She could feel that he was once again waiting for her approval so she nodded again. With one fluid motion he sank deep inside of her, burying himself to the hilt. Without waiting another second, he pulled almost completely out of her; his free hand pulled one of her legs up to give him better access. He stilled for a second, just looking down at her, and then, without warning, pushed all the way back inside in one hard thrust. The sounds she made sounded like heaven to him and now that he had started moving, he found himself unable to stop. He set a slow pace, moving in and out of her almost gently. Their combined moans now filled the room. His mouth came down and he began kissing her again, almost desperately.
She felt she was coming close to her release so she started moving her hips up in time with his thrusts. From the way his thrusts became more uncoordinated and erratic Farah could tell that Saul was also close to the edge. She began to tremble and with another few thrusts, she was sent over the edge and into a state of ecstasy. He followed soon after, spilling his seed deep inside of her.
They were both panting, trying to catch their breaths. He lay next to her, her head on his chest and his arm around her shoulder although she couldn´t quite remember how that had happened.
“You okay?”, he whispered and she turned around in his arms to look at him.
“Why wouldn´t I be?” She studied his eyes and was surprised to see something like insecurity in them.
“I don´t know.”, he just said and if it had been anyone else, she would´ve just accepted it but with him she just couldn´t. He was too close, too special to her to just let it slide.
“Saul, what´s wrong?”, she asked, sitting up so that she could better look at him. He took a deep breath before looking back at her.
“I don´t know. Nothing, I guess. I just…” He stopped for a second and turned his head away from her again. “I just don´t know what this is, Farah.”
“It doesn´t have to be anything.”, she just said although it made her heart feel heavy in her chest. Here she was, lying naked in bed with Saul and still trying to convince herself that it meant nothing to her. Instead of answering Saul sighed.
“We both know it´s not nothing.”
“Why do we have to define it?” The question hung in the air between them for a second before he answered.
“We don´t.” It was Farah´s turn to sigh now.
“Let´s just see where it takes us. Okay?” She looked at him and their eyes met.
“Okay.” She lay back down onto his chest and he once again put his arm around her. For once Farah felt safe and to feel safe in the arms of the man you were kind of in love with seemed like a really promising thing.