Work Text:
Dear Sir,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Caelum Lestrange of Dartmoor Castle, currently engaged in advanced Potions study with Master Whitaker, the acknowledged expert on the Polyjuice Potion. I am also one of only three known practitioners of the novel Shaped Imbuing technique.
Your most recent column, “Rigel Black Dejuiced”, made a strained set of connections between Harriet Potter, the current Heir Potter of the Book of Gold, and the boy formerly known as “Rigel Black” who was revealed as a halfblood attending Hogwarts under an alias. While I appreciate that scandal sells, I am concerned over the credulity of the general public and the possibility that this false trail may hinder the apprehension of the real criminal.
I wish, therefore, to set the record straight. I first became acquainted with Heir Potter during my Potions Internship at the Guild two years ago. My work on the Wolfsbane potion lead me to request information regarding known lycanthropes and Heir Potter was able to supply me with the relevant facts.
Our association continued in the intervening years as I mastered the art of Shaped Imbuing, and due to Heir Potter’s isolation from society, I am likely the only personage of note able to state unequivocally that:
- Harriet Potter has not been under some new form of long lasting Polyjuice for the last three years. I have engaged with her at staggered intervals throughout that period and can confirm that her development is proceeding apace with that of her peers.
- Heir Potter is highly accustomed to the shadier offshoots of Diagon Alley in a way that ill-befits her station as Heir Potter and daughter of the Head Auror. She wanders with abandon into these corridors of iniquity on such little provocation as a collegial lunch or mislabeled apothecary wares. Her story of living in a tiny apartment in a cheap neighborhood is eminently believable.
- Heir Potter is exquisitely prudish when it comes to practical matters. She would rather pay hundreds of galleons for a meal than allow it to be placed on my tab, has conscientious objections to brewing particular potions even for educational use, and would altogether be the least likely person to knowingly engage in any sort of illegal conduct.
While I do not believe it is necessary to go so far as to print a complete retraction as you have been hampered by inferior sources and the lack of a methodical mind, now that you have reputable information I must insist you redirect your reporters to more fruitful lines of inquiry.
Regards,
C. Lestrange
My Most Abhorrent Blockhead,
I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to place my letter opposite the screed of no less a numbskull than Theodore Nott, whose only qualification to opine on these matters is sharing a dorm with the ostensible “Rigel Black”, but do you realize that if everything printed in your rag of a paper were true, Nott spent the better part of four years sharing a dorm with a witch and failed to notice it? Is this the great observer whose confirmation of your outlandish theories must be trumpeted from the sky?
Consider: if Heir Potter were masquerading as Rigel Black at Hogwarts (which is scarcely credible to a point boarding on libel, but we will regard the supposition in order to advance the contrapositive) then it would still be necessary for her to retain her female reproductive characteristics. To do otherwise would be to risk sterility, inconceivable for a modern witch of semi-respectable breeding.
Do you realize that this means not only your shining Nott, but also the Malfoy Heir and Lady Zabini’s creature-blooded son, failed to recognize that the titular “Rigel Black” possessed breasts, was incapable of growing facial hair, and expelled a considerable quantity of blood each month? Nevermind that the Triwizard Tournament also included a dueling portion which the nominal “Rigel Black” won handily when all female contestants fell before the final round, as well as a task conducted entirely in bathing suits?
Do you truly believe the sheltered daughter of Lord James Potter, Head Auror and scion of a light tradition stretching back centuries, would try to drown a team of Aurors instead of talking to them? Do those vicious free-dueling tactics match with the conduct of a Book of Gold Heir?
And, while it may offend the delicate sensibilities of your readers, it is incumbent upon me to share a critical, if oft ignored, fact: Harriet Potter was an exquisitely ugly girl. Between Arcturus Black’s flawless pureblood genetics and metamorphmagus talent and Harriet’s own striking, if crass, appearance, the two of them could have formed the counterfeit “Rigel Black” and indeed, Harriet herself, into someone besides the thin-lipped, bushy-browed, thick-shouldered abomination that is even now marring your articles.
What girl on the cusp of young witch-hood, a bare few years away from the negotiations that will define her life, would willingly make herself uglier to potential suitors unless it was strictly necessary?
In short, the erstwhile “Rigel Black” is an ugly, barbaric wizard whose actions must always be at odds with those of Miss Potter’s. To suggest otherwise is a grave insult.
I look forward to reading your retraction in tomorrow’s paper.
C. Lestrange
Are you even capable of understanding the written language? It is not at all suspicious that the so-called “Rigel Black” never showed an interest in learning to Shaped Imbue. Shaped Imbuing is a highly advanced art combining elements of Wandless Magic, Conscious Imbuing, and delicate experimentation with base potions.
Directed experimentation in Shaped Imbuing requires a disciplined and fully mature core along with phenomenal magical control and a supple and subtle mind. While the impostor “Rigel Black” showed great potions promise according to his pre-OWL peers, dedicated Potioneers can recognize identify the dissolute nature of his studies—haring off to South America one summer only to engage in a farcical and self-aggrandizing tournament the next year—as ill-suited for mastering the depths of the art.
The purported “Rigel Black” may have possessed a modicum of potions talent compared to his peers, but he’s a fourteen year old bastard barely grown into his core. The art of Shaped Imbuing would be as beyond him as magic to a muggle!
I assume the Department of Mysteries would be very interested in learning who at The Daily Prophet believes a teenage criminal is more capable than they are.
[Howler redacted for language]
Dear Sir,
I read your most recent column focusing on the likelihood that ‘Rigel Black’ is a vampire. I congratulate you on your ability to piece such diverse clues together. Truly The Daily Prophet’s investigative reporters are among the finest in the wizarding world.
Sincerely,
C. Lestrange
Harry looked up from the pile of clippings Archie had placed in front of her. She was not sure what she had done to gain such a staunch ally in Caelum, if ally was the right word. He had to know that his scathing remarks were helping to keep her out of Azkaban at the very least, though she couldn’t help wondering if he truly had no doubts.
At any rate such an astounding effort trying to make the Prophet see sense deserved to be preserved for posterity. Lily would probably be willing to teach her a few framing charms and Archie, suffering no doubt from Sirius-inflicted decorating mania, kept insisting her brewing lab could use a little more personality. He should be pleased to see that remedied.
She resolved to send Caelum a “thank you” card and her notes on the hair-color changing potion. The cosmetics business seemed like it would suit him. Money, complicated potions, and a chance to slap his ridiculously pretty face on all the packaging. She went up the stairs to find Lily, her heart a little lighter. It was nice to know the ruse hadn’t cost her all her friends.