Chapter Text
The waiting was agonizing. Shin was normally good at waiting. But when it was followed by what he'd just done it was the worst. His Ghost didn't chide him for his pacing either. He was going over what the fuck he was going to say. How he was going to make it not seem like he was the biggest hypocrite in the entire Sol system.
It wasn't going well.
He didn't know how Wolf would react so it was hard to decide what to say. He couldn't imagine she'd take it well. Wolf didn't like being lied to or led on by stuff. Maybe if he hadn't kissed her it would be easier. Or maybe that would be the only she didn't evaporate him with her Light. He knew she could do it. She'd done it dozens or hundreds of times in Crucible. He was a powerful Guardian but even his Light didn't hold a candle to her magnificent flame.
"I hate to interrupt your sulking," his Ghost said after a while. "But you may want to come look at this."
"Look at what?" Shin huffed and joined his Ghost in the cockpit where the one window was. He'd turned his ship around to face the same way as the rest of Glitterbomb so he could see Europa. Down below was the chip of obsidian on the snow washed moon of the Pyramid and the nose of Shin's ship was pointed right at it. He looked at his Ghost instead.
"The station," and motioned with his body. There had been a station in orbit off to the side of the main view. It was one of several stations orbiting Europa and other Jupiter moons so was utterly unremarkable for the most part. The station was so huge that even at a distance he could make out details of it and read the branding: BrayTech.
"Is that Glitterbomb?" Shin leaned close to the glass. He could see tiny figures jumping around on the outside of the station, amid its huge solar panel array and artificial gravity generators. He went back into his ship and grabbed a scope. When he went back and looked he did indeed see fireteam Glitterbomb out there. At the distance even in the scope they were small so he couldn't see too many details. "What the fuck," he said softly. He watched one of the Warlocks do a back flip while jumping between the spinning gravity blades.
"They certainly know how to entertain themselves during a serious mission," his Ghost said.
"Yeah," Shin said slowly, counting the Guardians he could see jumping around the underside of the station. They were spread around the lower platforms and even engaging some Fallen. After scanning back and forth he did count all six of them. Other than the Titans he couldn't distinguish the Guardians from each other because they were wearing new gear he'd never seen before. He couldn't see it very well but he knew it wasn't the cold weather stuff Wolf had been wearing since he'd shown up. "You'd think they'd take it more seriously."
"Could be a coping mechanism."
"Some fucking coping mechanism," Shin muttered and sat in the pilot's chair, watching the station. Slowly but surely each member of Glitterbomb made their way along the underside of the station and up to an area out of sight. He didn't get up from the chair though. If they were inside the station something would happen. He wasn't sure what but it was never good for whatever they were dealing with if Glitterbomb was in your business.
He was right about an hour later. There was no noise but the light was enough. Shin half pushed himself up out of his chair when the station cracked in half and a magnificent explosion followed. The shockwave was so great it even distorted space and Shin's ship rattled as it passed over them, the alert systems sounding that they were under attack. His Ghost shut down his ship and other than the fireball outside they were bathed in darkness. Shin couldn't take his eyes off the fireball that created a glowing sphere in the sky of super hot gas and slag as space and gravity pulled the gas into a mean shape of the universe; an orb. The station was falling apart like a bird with broken wings and debris and the broken station rained down onto the moon below. Slowly caught by the rotation of the moon the orb of fire began to be pulled into an oblong but it remained a searing golden light.
Finally he shook himself from his stupor. "Why's the ship off?" he asked because it was starting to get cold. The engines were off, meaning life support was off.
"The explosion was nuclear, that shockwave was an EMP; I turned them all off," his Ghost said. Shin was about to ask but then he turned the ship back on and Shin felt the engines spin up, the familiar hum and rumble returning.
He sat there silently. "You think they're okay?" Shin asked his Ghost.
"I believe so. And if they aren't; you're off the hook," his Ghost said sarcastically. Shin glared at them.
"We both know that isn't true," Shin grumbled. No way Wolf was dead from something as pedestrian as a nuclear explosion. Ghosts and Guardians were exceptionally good at withstanding all forms of radiation. They were the only people that could survive the irradiated forests of North America.
"Ah. So more brooding is in order then, hmm?" his Ghost asked, pissing him off. "Where are you going?" the Ghost asked as Shin engaged the ship's flight systems.
"Just to make sure they're not dead. If they are I need to at least tell Zavala," Shin said, steering his ship towards Europa and closer to the surface. There was a large debrisfield east of the Pyramid where a large portion of the station had crashed. He did a sub orbital fly by, using his ship's scanners to pick up Light.
He stopped his ship below the clouds when the scanner detected Light signatures. He spun it upside down so he could see the ground better, strapping himself in so he didn't fall out of his seat. Scope out he scanned the debris field. A few seconds later he spotted a fire tornado, he followed its previous trajectory and found the diminutive shapes of five Guardians, the sixth was Bear clearing out some debris with his maul.
"Well unlucky for you, you're not off the hook," his Ghost said.
"Would you shut the fuck up," and he grabbed the Ghost and shoved him into the hard pack on his hip. He looked back through the scope for Wolf's cloak. There were two cloaked figures but he didn't recognize the cloaks she and Cat were wearing. But that did mean Wolf was there. That made him feel better.
What didn't was realizing he might have to watch this play out. And he couldn't help. He didn't know if he could stomach watching Glitterbomb literally fight for their lives.
He really was a filthy hypocrite.
But he knew that, for now, they were safe. Hopefully it'd be over soon. But he couldn't watch. It reminded him too much of the Red War and seeing half the City on fire from his ship and knowing there was nothing he could do while the Red Legion occupied the City. He turned the ship around and returned to the clan's ships.
He stayed in the pilot's chair, face in one hand.
What was he doing out here? What was he even doing?
He just stayed there, frozen in self existential dread. He didn't know what to do. He still didn't know what he was going to say to Wolf. He didn't know why he did the things he did anymore. Seeing the whole of Glitterbomb take on the Darkness and then return so effortlessly to the Light really shined a hideous light on his actions. And then barely a day after becoming empowered by the Light again they were back at it defending humanity from dangers and threats they didn't even know were out there.
He was stuck in his thoughts for a while, unable to untangle himself from them. Then his console started flashing and beeping at him, startling him out of his self deprecating thoughts. What was wrong? He checked all his tools but the ship was fine. What was the beeping for?
"It's a comm link message," his Ghost said loudly from the hard pouch.
Oh. That explained why Shin had no idea what it was. He never got messages, and when he did his Ghost always intercepted them. But he was in the anti-teleportation pouch.
Shin had no idea how to accept a message. And flipping switches and pushing buttons at random didn't seem like the smartest idea.
He let his Ghost out and he gave Shin a look like he was an idiot. The beeping stopped and Wolf's voice came out of his Ghost. She sounded breathless with excitement. "Hey Shin, we've wrapped up here. Just got some stuff to do before we're back on the ship-" there was some indistinct sounds that didn't sound unlike someone blowing something up that briefly drowned out her voice. "-Elsie, that kinda stuff. And if you happened to see that explosion a while ago, yeah that was us. Totally on purpose. See you in a little while!" The message ended.
"Have to admire their enthusiasm to blow shit up," his Ghost said.
Shin was just pale. Shit. He was out of time. He still hadn't thought of what to say either. There was still the option to just run away he supposed. Then Wolf's Ghost would just tell her and he wouldn't be around to defend himself. And she'd probably hate him. Wolf was one of his only friends. He didn't want her to hate him. At least if he hadn't fucked that up too by kissing her.
Shin cleared his throat, "One of the perks of being a Lightbearer," he said. "Everything blows up." His Ghost found that funny. "Just... let me know if she opens a transmat link," he said and got out of the cockpit chair.
"Certainly," his Ghost said, watching him walk back into the cabin. "Shin," he called. "It is a good thing you're doing this." Shin just ignored him. Yeah? Good for who?
He had to wait another hour or so before his Ghost announced Wolf was back on her ship with a transmat link for them. He fixed his face, knowing he couldn't hide under his helmet like usual, and his Ghost took them to Wolf's ship. She was in different armor, was wearing a cloak he'd never seen her in except through the scope, halfway through eating a meal substitute bar, her hair in a crown braid around the front of her head. The armor looked weird, the armor clinging to her in a biomechanical way, lights winking off and on in her chest plate, emitting some sort of holographic readout.
Whin!" Wolf said, mouth full, happy to see him. Wonder how long she'd still be happy with him?
"How'd it go?" he asked, trying to be casual but curious and also delay having to tell her.
'You ever hear of a Fallen named Taniks?' she signed, still chewing.
"Mmmm, vaguely?" He shrugged. All Fallen names sounded the same to him really. Something in a memory emerged but not what Wolf would know. That name was connected to the Vanguard somehow. If he thought about it longer he'd remember Taniks was the Fallen who'd killed Andal.
He didn't get that chance. Wolf swallowed the rest of her meal bar. "Well he was trying to make Exo Fallen, then he turned himself into an Exo with floating spider legs. What is it with Fallen and needing six extra legs? Anyway, we killed him, and took the Crypt out of commission so other Fallen can't try it too," she was very excited to share the story.
"I assume that was the space station explosion?"
"You saw that?"
"Impossible to miss. You blew up a space station," he said dryly.
That made her laugh, almost a giggle. It was cute. "Yeah, I guess so. We set off like four nukes."
Shin just stared at her. "You're impossible," he said. She giggled again. "You just say impossible shit all day, but it's true," he ran his hand through his hair, unable to believe what he was hearing. But it was true. It was all true. Wolf was very smug about the whole thing but it was deserved so it looked good on her. "Nice cloak," he said, nodded at the scrap of fabric draped over her shoulders and fixed in place by bits of metal.
"I took it off Tanik's body, again," she said, smug as could be. He'd never seen her post alpha strike and she was so... bubbly. He expected some excitement but he could feel it in her Light too.
"You just have a whole wardrobe from Taniks?"
"And whatever the Ghosts could make from the station when our stuff broke," she said, indicating the holographic chest plate. Yeah, he knew that happened. Ghosts could usually fabricate your gear indefinitely out of glimmer but you carried a finite amount of glimmer. Eventually they had to start kit bashing armor for their Guardians out of whatever was around.
"It looks good on you," and he couldn't stop himself, just like last time. He leaned down and kissed her. He might as well try to soften what he was going to say. But he also just liked it. He was still surprised when she kissed him back, carefully, like she wasn't sure she actually wanted to be doing it.
She let out a little breath when he pulled away. Like before she didn't know what to make of that. They'd been friendly for years now and Shin was probably one of her closest non clan friends. "You should not be good at that," she said at the same time her hands signed 'living out in the woods by yourself, no friends no nothing'.
He made an amused noise, not expecting that to be the first thing she questioned. Or maybe she was figuring it out as much as him.
"Learn all sorts of things at my age," he said quietly and he reached over to curl his hand around her wrist. She'd been in the process of taking her gauntlets off before being distracted by needing to eat and then Shin. Her skin was soft and cool but not cold.
"I'm listening. If that's what you're doing now," she said. Oh, she was actually into it? Shit he hadn't considered that honestly. But that was good. Right? Meant he had a chance. Probably meant he wouldn't just get shot.
Movement out of the corner of his eye drew his eyes away from her. It was her Ghost, scowling as best it could at him from over her shoulder. Right. Fuck. He probably should say something before anything went too far and he really fucked it up.
"I--" he wanted to say yes but it caught in his throat. "We need to talk," he said instead. Because her Ghost wasn't going to let this go. He let go of her wrist, her brows furrowed slightly.
"Oh, right. You said you had 'something serious' to tell me," she said casually. Like Shin hadn't been stewing on this for hours while she was gone, dreading this moment. "So what's up?" Shin's tried to say a bunch of things but nothing came out, his mouth just opened a little before he closed it. "Shin?" Wolf asked when he just stood there for a minute, saying nothing. He didn't know what to say. She tried to touch his arm but he moved it away. He didn't want her to when he had this. She frowned at him.
He didn't know what he could say that would make it better. And in that moment he knew there was nothing he could say that didn't make him a liar and hypocrite. He knew she knew he killed Guardians who went bad, who meddled in the Darkness and strayed from the Light. It was his entire Legend, his Light a cleansing fire against the Dark.
In the end he said nothing. Nothing he could say would make what he needed to tell her any easier to deal with. So he just held his hands up and dug down past the well of Light inside of him and found that horrible yawning desire in the pit of his stomach. That dark desire that was always there and he kept stamped down as best he could, it only flaring up when he expended so much Light the Light couldn't satisfy it and it's desire to feed on... Shin didn't know. He didn't like touching it. He didn't like using it. It brought him shame. His hands and half way up his forearms turned black like they were covered in not just ink but in nothingness. More than Void. An absence of something. A darkness so absolute it devoured everything, even light and where it covered him reflected no light, showed no feature. They like holes in the world shaped like his hands. "Just this," he sighed, defeated already.
Wolf didn't react right away. She blinked. "Is that-- Shin-- SHIN," and now she was mad. Fuck. "You fucking preachy hypocritical asshole," and she had her sidearm out in an instant, aimed at his head. Her purple eyes took on a ring of searing Solar Light around the pupil as furious hot heat washed off her. "Get the fuck off my ship, right now."
"I- Wolf, look-
"I don't want to hear it," she snapped. She was so pissed and had every right to be.
"I don't want this power," Shin said, at least to get a word in. There was no fixing this but he could at least try to defend himself. He didn't even know where this shit came from!
She hesitated. "How long?"
"How long what?"
"How long have you been able to do that?" Wolf nodded at his hands, gun still aimed at his head.
"Not always but a long time. Trust me, I don't want to be able to do this," he said to make sure Wolf at least understood that. "You think I don't know what this looks like?" he asked her, indicating the Darkness welling up from his gear.
They didn't say anything, staring each other down. Wolf was processing. Then she took a deep breath and put her gun down but not away, finger still on the trigger. "Get off my ship. I don't have anything to say to you," she looked away from him, shaking her head.
"Wolf-
"Do yourself a favor Shin," she snapped. "Go before I actually decide I don't want anything to do with you."
Before she decided? "So... you do?"
"I need some time to think about it you bastard. And you need to figure yourself out, figure out what the fuck is the matter with you. Now get the fuck off my ship."
Shin glanced at his Ghost and the next moment he was gone.
"Well that could have gone much worse," his Ghost said helpfully.
"Yeah. Great consolation prize that she could have shot me and thrown me out the airlock instead of letting me leave on my own," Shin said. He went to the cockpit and thumped down in the pilot chair again. He was such an idiot. What did he expect to happen? He rubbed his face with both hands. What a mess. Then he noticed they were still black because they made his skin tingle. He made a face and with difficulty pulled it back, turning up his Light so burn the shadow away.
His Ghost came over slowly. "Well she didn't say she wasn't going to be your friend anymore," he said.
"Ghost, not now," he growled.
"Ah yes, you wish to wallow in your self pity now. How unfortunate for me," he scoffed. "Couldn't have picked a Guardian who faced his problems."
"Yeah and who's fault is that?" Shin snapped and glared at his Ghost, furious at once, the fire rising.
"There is no fault you ungrateful boy," his Ghost said in a quiet, angry way Shin had never heard him use before. "I chose you so we could avenge Jaren."
"Don't bring him into this," Shin growled.
"You are the one who took the gun," his Ghost said disdainfully, meaning the Thorn. He'd pried it out of Dredgen Yor's charcoal and blistered hand after Shin had shot him. "Even when I told you to leave it-
"It was mine," Shin snarled, half getting out of the cockpit chair. The Darkness suddenly was rising up out of him. It was his. It was his! "Better me than someone else."
"And we see what that did," his Ghost said in contempt. "We all wanted you to follow in his footsteps."
"Well too bad. He's dead. I'm alive. We all have to live with that regret," Shin was trying to keep the Dark out of his voice and manageable with his Light but his Ghost was making him so pissed off.
His Ghost spun the back of his shell slowly. "Despite what you think, or my opinions; I do not regret choosing you. Jaren wanted me to keep you alive. I did. And fulfilling his final wish is not something I regret."
Shin looked away, pissed but mostly at himself. His Ghost really did make him sound like an ungrateful brat. Jaren had sacrificed himself in the hopes that Shin and the others would get away. Instead Shin was the only survivor. Then he'd gone and hunted a monster with a gun almost too big for his hands. All this compounded with Wolf's rejection really carved a horrible hole in him.
The Dark and Light settled in him uneasily like a horrible heart burn. His Ghost hung in the air next to him, waiting to see if he'd say anything.
Shin couldn't help but sound resentful, "This is probably a reason you all pick dead ones. Easier if you don't remember," he ground his teeth. His Ghost said nothing but he did hear the sound of its Light mechanisms. He swallowed down the Dark and Light churning in his chest. "Yeah. I want to sulk for a bit. She's not gonna want anything to do with me now. Leave me alone," he ended in barely above a whisper. He was self aware enough to know part of his outburst was because of that. He'd fucked it up. He didn't even think he'd had a shot and immediately upon learning she was into him it blew up in his hands. He could willfully be in denial all he wanted but he couldn't ignore that.
His Ghost floated off without bothering him.
He stayed slouched in the pilot's chair for a little while, stewing in what a colossal fuck up his entire life was, when his ship dinged. He checked what it was for and it was for movement. He leaned forward to see out his window in time to see all the ships in Glitterbomb's little flotilla separate and their engine glow. The next instant they were all gone as they engaged their NLS drives. Shin was left alone over the ice world of Europa.
He sighed and sat back, looking down at the moon's surface, his ship pointed almost directly at it. The Pyramid was a shiny black chip in his eye line down on the moon's surface.
He got a stupid idea.
Shin turned on one of the scanners and found an LZ. It was surprisingly near the Pyramid. Elsie's LZ, Wolf had mentioned it. He plugged the coordinates into the transmat and went back into the cabin. His Ghost was resting on its small nesting spot Shin had made for it in an unused cubby. He perked up when Shin grabbed his helmet and pulled it on. "Where are we going?"
Shin held out his hand, saying nothing. The Ghost slowly came out of the cubby and floated over to hover above his palm. "You're not coming with," and he shoved his Ghost into the hard anti teleportation pouch before he knew what was happening. He took the pouch off his belt and put it on his bed.
"Shin! Shin let me out of here!" his Ghost thrashed in the pouch, making it move across the bed.
"Either I'll be back or someone will let you out eventually and you can try again," he said solemnly.
"What? What are you doing? Shin!"
It was a really stupid idea.
He activated the transmat and a few seconds later arrived on the surface of Europa. It was fucking cold here, even in his armor. No wonder Wolf was wearing such heavy stuff. He started burning his Light to keep himself warm. He wouldn't need it much longer. There was a lone figure a ways off, humanoid, feminine. He had to assume it was the Exo Stranger; Elsie Bray, Wolf said. She was looking out across the frozen waste out towards the Pyramid.
She turned when she heard his boot crunching in the snow. "Who're you, stranger?"
Shin didn't say anything at first before turning on external speakers so she could hear him. "Vale," he said, the old name feeling far too familiar on his tongue. A Darker name for a Darker time. He was feeling pretty Dark now. "Wolf told me you were here," he said before she could get suspicious of him. Or more suspicious at least.
"That was fast," Elsie said, hands on her hips.
"I was in the area. How far's that Pyramid off?"
"Distance is relative to the Pyramid," she said. "It is as close or as far as it needs to be from whoever is trying to get close to it. My instruments say it's only about ten klicks away. But I've yet to make it closer than this no matter how close I get."
"Right," Shin said, looking at the black monolith in the distance. The wind tugged on his cloak. "Thanks," and he walked away from her towards it.
"Hey! That's not the way to get Stasis," Elsie called after him.
"I know," he called back. "Not interested."
She seemed a loss for words for a moment. "Well come back when you get cold, I guess," she said, unsure of him or what the hell he was doing. Same could be said for him honestly. He had no idea what he was doing either.
He crossed the frozen abyss and eventually the Pyramid eclipsed the sun, casting itself in hard relief against the storm white sky. Shin just kept walking. The Pyramid was getting closer. He could feel it. It was just becoming more and more oppressive the closer he got and the more Light he burned to keep the cold at bay the higher the Dark desire rose up in him. The wind tried to pick him up a few times but he didn't let it, pulling his cloak close.
The Pyramid was resting on the snow when he finally found the base. He had expected it to be floating for some reason. He looked up at it. It was enormous. Easily as big as the Traveler and the Traveler was the biggest non celestial body he'd ever seen.
What the fuck was he doing here? He didn't know. All he knew was he felt like this Dark shit in him was drawn to this place.
"Well, I'm here," he said aloud, arms out before letting them slap down against his side. The cold had burned all his warming Light away and what flicker there was was being swallowed by that hungering need. He was so fucking cold.
He honestly expected nothing to happen. It had been a stupid idea. Why the fuck would the Darkness care about him when it had someone like Wolf to do what it wanted? It was the same thing he'd asked when it came to the Light too. Why him? Why was this done to him? He'd never wanted it, never asked for it. He'd just wanted to avenge Jaren and had planned to die in the process. Instead he just couldn't die. And he'd fucked it all up. Just spent a few centuries making a mess of himself.
A panel in the huge Pyramid opened at the base. Warm light spilled out across the frozen ground. It was like his dream. He half expected Wolf to walk out.
A man stepped out instead.
It was impossible. Utterly and completely impossible. It had to be a trick. Some horrible trick of the Dark or whatever was in this Pyramid. But no. Every detail down to the scuff on his belt buckle and the scratch on the side of his visor was perfect. The familiar over the shoulder cloak with stitching from some old lady mending it instead of a Ghost. Just like how Shin remembered it. Just like how Shin remembered him.
"Dad?" Shin said, unable to help himself.
Whatever the thing pretending to be Jaren Ward laughed lightly. Because there was no way this was really Jaren. He was dead. Shin had seen his Lightless body. Jaren's Ghost was his Ghost now. But it was him. "Hey there, kiddo," he approached Shin and as he did the wind stilled, the cold and Darkness was less oppressive around him like his very presence could push back the Dark. Or like the Darkness was parting around him.
Shin shook himself. "You're not really Jaren," he said. If it came out of the Pyramid there was no way. A trick?
"Eh, semantics," Jaren said in that casual accent he had picked up from a thousand little human towns across the world. "Guardians are just stuff of the Light, and what's Light without a little Dark, right Shin?" There was nothing threatening about him which itself was the most unsettling part. Shin was wary. He was a Hunter, he was wary by nature. Not like Jaren. He didn't know the word 'careful' if it bit him on the ass. "I've been waiting forever for you, kiddo. You ready?" Shin could hear the smile in his voice.
Waiting for him? Jaren-- this, whatever it was, had been waiting for him. "Waiting for me?" he asked.
"Yeah. Long time," and he froze when the thing patted his shoulder. "Now come on. We got a lot to do," and it released his shoulder and stepped away, back towards the light still pouring from the Pyramid. The sun was hidden deep behind the Pyramid now and the light reached far out across the snow, the only light in a shadowed landscape, bathing the snow in a warm amber light. "You coming or what kid?" Jaren called from the opening, raising a hand like he used.
Shin's knees felt wobbly as he stepped forward, the snow deep, making it more difficult than it had to be. "Yeah, I'm coming. Hold on a sec," he called. He hadn't come all this way, left his Ghost behind, to wuss out now. For once in his life he was running head first into a problem he'd made. No running away from this. Whatever this was he'd face it. He'd make it through. And maybe if he came out in one piece Wolf wouldn't hate him. Or at least he'd have something to say for himself. 'Figure yourself out', she'd said. Well here he was. Figuring it out.
Famous last words.
He traipsed through the snow and stepped up onto the light flooded doorway where Jaren had disappeared into. The panel closed up after him, once more bathing the shadow of the Pyramid in Darkness.