Chapter Text
In the middle of the main hall, the man behind the foldable plastic table is wearing a garish pink and yellow hawaiian shirt. Lilo and Stitch’s distorted faces are plastered on the front, and a pair of novelty pineapple sunglasses rest atop his head. His whole outfit is completed with a truly horrendous pair of sparkly crocs.
They squeak as he walks around.
“Welcome, guys!” he greets warmly despite giving off I just escaped from the local loony bin vibes. “Here to register? Let me just get my list and I’ll get you squared away.”
Jimmy and his boyfriend-but-not-really wander over to the table. A giggling couple brushes past them, clutching some papers with the official cruise logo. He notices that both the man and the woman have a bright green rubber bracelet on their wrists.
The brown-haired man sits down on a plastic lawn chair, like one of the collapsible ones buried in the back of every parent’s garage, never to be seen until the annual 4th of July block party rolls around. It scrapes across the linoleum floor as the cruise employee (a “Hello! My name is ELI” sticker boasts proudly on his chest) plops down.
“Names?”
“Jimmy Garropolo. And this, my-- boyfriend...is Aaron.” Abruptly, Jimmy realizes that he never asked for his fake boyfriend’s last name. He mentally winces and resolves to be more careful in the future. God, what kind of partner is he? He feels so stupid.
Luckily, Aaron doesn’t seem to mind. “It’s Rodgers,” he completes, saving Jimmy’s ass once again, “with a ‘d’.” Eli nods and runs a finger down the page.
Just then, Jimmy’s ADHD-addled brain hysterically adds hey baby, do you have a “D” in you? Would you like to? Very ni-iiice! complete in the Borat voice and two thumbs up and all of a sudden he has to fight everything to not let his face spasm like he’s having an epileptic seizure. Judging by the weirded-out look he’s getting from a nearby janitor, he’s failing miserably.
“Ah, here you guys are. Ok, thanks for checking in. Though it’s a little weird that you’re not registered together...ah well. The computer program here sometimes gets a little buggy so it happens from time to time. I just got a few papers for you to sign and then y’all can go enjoy the rest of your vacation.”
To Jimmy’s left, Aaron nods and accepts the thick sheaf of papers. Jimmy also reaches for the packet at the same time, causing their fingers to brush accidentally.
The heat from Aaron’s hand is surprising, but nice. Jimmy can’t help but admire the difference in their skin tones. Aaron isn’t a pale guy by any means, but Jimmy’s Italian heritage and long hours in front of blazing hot stoves gives him a permanent tan year-round.
“Do you have a pen?” Aaron asks. Jimmy shakes his head. The older man plucks a cheap novelty plastic pen from the table and scribbles his signature on the dotted line. Then he passes it to Jimmy.
A quick scan of the papers reveals the basic liability stuff - cruise staff aren’t going to be responsible if you engage in risky behavior, don’t run around on wet tile, don’t sue the company, yadda yadda. Nah, I’m just gonna scam them, Jimmy thinks, and skips to the end of the page to sign his name. Finished, he hands it back to Eli.
Eli nods and rummages beneath the table for something. “Almost done, just gotta notarize...and…”
With a flourish, he marks the packet with a red stamp. “Great, thanks. Here’s some wristbands for proof of registration.” He gestures toward a cardboard box filled to the brim with colorful plastic bracelets. “Pick any color you want. Try not to lose these ‘cause you’ll keep them for the entire cruise.”
Bemused, the two secretly single men take a bracelet each. Aaron choose a dark green, while Jimmy picks up a red one.
Just then, Eli straightens up from a slouch, spotting something behind them. One of his hands dip into a side pocket as a familiar voice calls out,
“Hey, little Manning!”
Startled, Jimmy turns around to see none other than the stranger he met at the tiki bar earlier. Julian is holding a Bud Light bottle, still frosty with condensation. “So they got you pushing papers now, huh? That’s rough, buddy. Well, me and Tom need to check in so we’d appreciate it if you--”
Up close, Tom’s got about an inch of height on Jimmy, which is surprising. Jimmy’s gotten pretty used to being one of the tallest guys in a room, and his brothers are all about the same size as well. Tom is a little leaner overall, though, and there’s only the slightest hint of a five o’clock shadow on his cheeks.
Compared to Julian’s impressive lumberjack mountain man beard, the contrast is honestly kind of hilarious.
However, his expression is the polar opposite of Julian’s friendly camaraderie. Tom scowls fiercely at Eli, looking as if the other man just kicked his puppy or pulled off a desperation throw in the Super Bowl, to a receiver who somehow caught the ball against his helmet and went on to ruin what would have been a team's historic perfect season.
Or something like that. It’s probably more of the kicked puppy thing.
“Why hello, Julian,” Eli remarks pleasantly. His hands are folded primly on the table, twin silver rings glimmering on both middle fingers. He must have slipped them on when Jimmy and Aaron turned around.
“How nice to see you. How’s my favorite bartender doing? Enjoying yourself on this wonderful ship, I hope. The Maui cocktails are to die for, make sure to try them while you’re here. Oh, and of course, hello Thomas. Come to relax and get a tan for once?”
Tom’s gaze drops from drilling invisible holes into Eli’s head to his neatly interlaced hands, where the gaudy oversized rings sparkle. This seems to make him even angrier, which Jimmy privately didn’t think was possible.
“Are you kidding me,” Tom snaps, ignoring the hand Julian subtly puts on his elbow. “You’re telling me that we have to spend the next week with you?! Why are you even here, Manning? Shouldn’t you be in a basement somewhere coming up with more dirty tricks so you can cheat your way to victory?”
Jimmy blinks at the blatant hostility rolling off the taller man, surreptitiously taking a step back. He bumps into Aaron’s shoulder, who links an arm with his.
“What’s his problem?” Aaron mutteers out of the corner of his mouth. Jimmy just shrugs, glancing at Julian curiously. The shorter blonde notices the look and gives a small wave, but just grimaces and shakes his head. He gives another tug to Tom’s elbow. Tom keeps ignoring it.
“Oh, I’m sorry Brady, what was that?” Eli cups a hand around his ear, drawing even more attention to his oversized jewel-encrusted bands. “I can’t hear people who didn’t win this year’s Pee-Wee Football Championship for under-10s. And do you know who did win the national championship this year? Why, it’s none other than my Leviathans.”
Hands slam down on the top of the table, making it creak alarmingly. “That’s bullshit and you know it,” Tom hisses, puffing up like an angry tomcat. “That catch would never have counted if that dirty fucking ref did his fucking job! WE should have won this year! Our record was perfect going into the playoffs, we didn’t lose a single game this season!”
All the while, Eli just sits there with a shit-eating grin. But as Tom rants furiously, his smile somehow gets even bigger.
Jimmy gets the distinct feeling that Eli is (A) not only riling Tom up on purpose, but (B) is also incredibly good at it. He wonders how the two know each other; it’s obvious that this isn’t the first time they’ve met.
“You guys were really amazing, you know,” Eli says earnestly, wide-eyed and seemingly innocent.
(Jimmy doesn’t believe it for a second.)
“Going 16-0 in the regular season, then beating the Leopards and the Bolts...truly, it was incredible. You guys did a fantastic job.”
Of course, his platitudes are immediately ruined by his next line: “Too bad the Leviathans were your opponents in the final. Oh well, better luck next year, Brady! Maybe you can let some air out of the footballs this season, that might give you a little advantage.”
By the way Tom stiffens like he’s been zapped by a cattle prod, Jimmy knows that Eli has struck a nerve. The taller man looks like he’s three seconds away from launching himself over the table and tackling the smug look off of Eli’s face.
Julian, ever the peacemaker, smiles and shoves the forms he’s been filling out during his boyfriend’s little grudge match.
“Sounds like that’s our cue to skedaddle,” Julian quips, grabbing two random bracelets from the box. “Eli, don’t be an asshole. That’s Peyton’s job.” He finally steers his boyfriend away from the table, throwing a wave over his shoulder. “See you guys later! Good to meet you again, Jimmy. Hope you got your dancing shoes for tonight!”
Jimmy and Aaron watch in silence as he expertly shepherds a still-fuming Tom towards the casino, presumably to try their luck on blackjack. They walk over to a sandy-haired man playing video poker nearby, but they’re too far away for Jimmy to hear any of their conversation.
“Bit of a dick, aren’t you?” Aaron asks mildly.
Jimmy stifles a laugh. Up until now, he’s been so nervous about actually being able to pull this scam off, but this has honestly been hilarious.
Eli is back to his usual slouch, rings nowhere to be seen. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, Rodgers,” he replies just as mildly. He’s the picture of innocence except for the smirk on his face.
Aaron rolls his eyes. “Whatever,” he says, but doesn’t sound bothered. In fact, he seems just as amused as Jimmy.
Then he cocks his head, considering. “So what’s this about dancing? Some event going on?”
“Oh!” Eli smiles, snapping his fingers. “I forgot to give you guys the schedule for this week. Here you go!” He pulls out another paper and hands it over.
“Here at Star Enterprise Cruises, we have a different theme for each night of the week. You guys are in luck, we’re starting out with the best event first. We’re going to have all sorts of styles - ballroom, modern, hip-hop - just show up in something comfortable and be ready to have some fun!”
Jimmy’s heart drops to his toes. It’s not that he minds dancing, per se, but in front of people? Or god, even worse...in front of Aaron?? He’s just trying to live his life, not embarrass himself in front of a hot dude.
Aaron notices his worried look and gives him a half-hug. “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay,” he reassures. “Let’s just have a nice time tonight. I have a little bit of practice in ballroom dancing, believe it or not, so I can lead.”
God, what can’t Aaron do? He’s so perfect. Jimmy really hopes that when this whole scam is over, Aaron will want to keep in touch so they can go on a date for real. “Okay,” he says shyly. He’s blushing again, dammit. “Let’s have some fun tonight.”