Work Text:
Part One:
Through Blood and Tears but I Don’t Mind
/ / /
Jason is used to seeing Roy banged up, covered in bruises and bandages after every job that went sideways (and most of them did).
This was different.
Roy had almost died.
Roy had almost died two weeks ago, and Jason hadn’t known until 18 hours ago.
Some fucking partner you turned out to be.
The nurse at the front desk eyes Jason suspiciously when he asks to see Roy. He doesn’t really blame her. He looks like he's been on the run and hasn’t slept in three days. He’d barely walked in the door to his current safe house when Roy called out of the blue.
Why aren’t you here?
The nurse explains that only family can visit and then asks what his relationship is to Roy. Jason says partner automatically. Old habits die hard and all that.
He hopes she’ll let him explain. They’re not partners anymore, they’ve never been family, but maybe she’ll make an exception if Jason explains.
How do you explain walking away from the best thing that ever happened to you though?
Jason has to hide his surprise when the nurse writes his name down on the visitor log before leading him back to Roy’s room. Several doctors and nurses enter a few minutes later and assure him that Roy will recover, that he was through the worst of it.
He can feel some of the doctors and nurses judging him and he suddenly wishes the Pit hadn’t brought him back, not like this anyways. He knows what people think when they see him, and most of the time they’re right to be scared. He’s dangerous and has a knack for finding trouble.
But then one of the doctors asks where home is, and Jason says Gotham more out of habit than anything else. It doesn’t feel like it most of the time. But it is home at the end of the day, even if he has to play by Bruce’s rules.
The doctor nods his head and says Roy’s stay might be longer if they choose to fly back, but they’ll just have to wait and see how his recovery goes.
Jason realizes suddenly, what kind of partners they all think he and Roy are. He also understands the judgment he feels rolling off them. Roy almost di—Roy was hurt nearly two weeks ago. He hasn’t been here like a partner should be, would be. He only found out 18 hours ago, but they wouldn’t know that, and even if they did it probably wouldn’t change their estimation of him.
He thinks about correcting them but decides against it. He’s lied about worse things after all.
There’s a chair pulled close to Roy’s bed and Jason sits down, resting for the first time since Roy called.
Roy, who probably doesn’t even remember calling him.
What the fuck, Jaybird?
Who might not want him here when he wakes up.
I guess you never cared after all.
Jason will deal with that later though. For now, he’s where he wants to be. Where Roy wanted him to be 18 hours ago.
* * *
A few hours later Jason tenses when he hears Oliver’s voice carry up the corridor towards Roy’s room.
“His partner? What do you mean his partner? He doesn’t have a partn—” Oliver stops short when he sees Jason sitting next to Roy’s bed.
Even when he was running around as Robin, Jason was never a fan of Oliver Queen. Green Arrow may be a member of the Justice League, but he was a jerk then and he’s an asshole now.
Roy never talked much about what it was like, growing up with Oliver.
Jason has a pretty good imagination though, and it hasn’t been too kind to Oliver Queen.
“Todd.”
“Queen.”
They exchanged quick glances, sizing each other up, Oliver clearly deciding whether or not to have Jason removed from the room.
The nurse looks nervously between them and realizing that Jason actually might not be family, turns to Oliver, asking if Jason is family and if Oliver had a problem with him being there. Oliver looks between Jason and Roy for a moment before telling the nurse it’s fine and that Jason can stay.
Jason relaxes a bit and watches as Oliver moves a chair closer to Roy’s bed before taking a seat.
He doesn’t look Jason in the eye and Jason thinks that maybe he’s not the only one who feels guilty about leaving Roy behind.
Oliver gives Jason the cliff notes version of what happened at Sanctuary. He goes over Roy’s injuries and what the plan is for getting him back to Star City (if Oliver can convince him to go to Star that is). Jason’s pretty sure Roy would rather go back to the desert than go back to Star, but it’s not up to him so he doesn’t say anything, just nods his head while Oliver talks.
They’re quiet for a long moment before Oliver clears his throat, “How did you find out he was here anyways?”
Jason breaks his gaze away from Roy and looks at Oliver briefly, “Roy called. I doubt he even remembers he sounded so out of it. Couldn’t understand most of what he was saying and after the line went dead, I put a call into Babs. She gave me the name and address of the hospital and then I hopped a flight.”
Oliver nods his head. “And how’d you get into the room? It’s supposed to be family only.”
Jason looks back to Oliver and smiles sadly, “I’m not sure either of us qualify as family these days.”
There’s no bite to it. He’s not trying to start a fight. They’ve both let Roy down. Left him behind for one reason or another. Jason will never forgive Oliver for kicking 16 year old Roy out and he’ll never forgive himself for leaving Roy all those months ago. He thought he’d been doing the right thing—and maybe he had been—but the way he left...the things he said...he’ll always regret that.
Oliver lets out a short, bitter laugh and takes another sip of his coffee. It’s hospital vending machine coffee and Jason thinks Oliver might actually be braver than him considering he’s willing to drink it.
“God this shit is awful.”
Oliver stands and dumps the nearly full cup down the sink.
Or maybe not.
“There’s a café across the street. Has to have better coffee than this place. You want anything?”
Jason’s shocked by the offer and doesn’t know what to say.
Oliver rolls his eyes, “I’m not leaving him again, and I don’t think you are either—for now at least. So, we can either sit here in awkward silence or we can sit here in awkward silence with coffee. So, what do you want?”
Jason wavers another moment before sighing, “Black. Three sugars. Dash of half and half.”
Oliver seems amused by something but nods and finally leaves the room.
Jason goes back to looking at Roy and he tries not to think about Oliver’s comment.
He doesn’t want to leave Roy again. Would rather die if he’s being honest (which he rarely is even with himself). But if Roy asked him to...he’d do it.
Roy deserves so much more than a twenty-something Gotham crime lord, but Jason doesn’t think he could walk away again, not without Roy telling him to.
Before Jason can spiral and get lost in his thoughts, Roy begins to stir. His eyes land on Jason after a few moments and Jason has to push down the anxiety that’s been building up. He’s not sure if Roy wants him here—not sure how Roy will react.
Roy just gives him a lazy smile, “Hey, Jaybird.”
“Hey.”
“How long you been here?”
“Just a few hours.”
Not long enough.
“Ollie here?” Roy tries to look around the room but gives up quickly.
“Yeah, he’s grabbing us coffee.”
Roy seems surprised and gives Jason another smile. “You sticking around for a while then, Jaybird?”
Jason feels his heart skip a beat and nods his head, trying not to let the guilt show on his face. “Yeah, Roy. I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
Roy just looks at him for a moment before declaring, forever then and promptly falling asleep before Jason can say anything.
If only.
* * *
Two days later Roy is rushed back into surgery.
Jason’s not there when it happens.
He spent the first night in Roy’s room, sleeping in one of the chairs. He only ate when Oliver brought him something from the café, which was often, but you can’t live off muffins and brownies.
Needless to say, Oliver had the nurses on his side, and they bullied Jason into leaving for a few hours. If he didn’t take care of himself, he wouldn’t be able to care for Roy, they had argued. They’re right of course, but Jason’s stubborn and he only leaves when Oliver threatens to get his access to Roy’s room revoked.
Jason knows Oliver doesn’t care too much for his well-being, but he probably thinks that Roy still does though. He sends Jason to a hotel a few blocks away to grab a shower and get some sleep. Oliver promises to call if anything changes.
Jason sleeps through the first three calls, finally getting the message when Oliver calls the room phone instead of Jason’s burner.
It only takes a few minutes for him to get to the hospital, but he must look half out of his mind and security stops him before he gets past the lobby. Jason looks more like a brawler than a concerned family member, so he doesn’t really blame them. He argues with the two security guards for a few minutes and is considering doing some very stupid things when one of the nurses recognizes him.
Katie is her name and she’s one of the nurses who helped Oliver get Jason out of the hospital. Jason’s not her biggest fan right now but she promises to tell him what’s happened and to take him to where he can wait for more news—but only if he calms down.
It takes longer than Jason would like but ten minutes later Katie finally seems happy and takes Jason to another part of the hospital, explaining the situation as they go.
When he had first been admitted Roy had a lot of internal bleeding. They got the bleeding under control but about two hours ago Roy’s blood pressure had begun to drop and they rushed him to surgery, fearing more internal bleeding. She wasn’t sure of his status now, but she would do her best to find out. She leaves Jason in a waiting room for families of patients in surgery. Oliver is already seated in a corner, cup of coffee in hand.
He looks up as Jason approaches and sighs. “Before you ask, I don’t know what happened. He was fine one minute, was asking where you were and when he could leave and the next, he was...” He trails off, shaking his head before resting it in one hand.
Jason just nods, afraid that if he opens his mouth, he’ll say something he’ll regret later. It’s not Oliver’s fault that he wasn’t there. Oliver was just...he was trying to be a good father and look after his son’s friend.
Bruce would do the same if the situation was reversed.
Probably.
They sit in silence for a while. Jason flips through a travel magazine, about Paris of all places, lost in thought. Each flip of a page brings up a memory of another time he should have been there for Roy and wasn’t. He finally has to set the magazine down, but it doesn’t stop the memories from flashing in his mind.
Oliver must realize Jason’s train of thought after a while and breaks the silence.
“I told him you’d be back.”
Jason doesn’t respond. He’s not entirely sure Oliver has actually said anything and if he has, Jason’s not sure what he’ll do with whatever Oliver might tell him.
“After you left, Roy woke up. He kept looking around the room like he was looking for someone and he finally asked if you had been here. Between all the medications he wasn’t sure if you had actually been here, or if he had had another dream.”
Jason can feel the guilt building up in his stomach.
“I told him that you had been and that the nurses and I had practically pushed you out the door so you could get some sleep. I called you a stubborn son of a bitch.” Oliver laughs as he says that last part, picturing how Roy had looked when he’d said it just a couple of hours ago.
“Roy laughed at that. I told him you’d be back in a few hours and he—he hasn’t looked that happy in a long time. He’s—he’s really glad you’re here Todd. You mean a lot to him.” The last part comes out as a whisper, but Jason still hears it.
He doesn’t know what to do or how to respond to anything that Oliver’s just said. So, he nods his head and doesn’t say anything at all.
* * *
Roy gets through surgery and while his release from the hospital is delayed the doctors are confident that he’ll fully recover. They’ve said that before though, so Jason’s not overly confident in their reassurance.
By the time Roy gets back to his room there’s a cot with a pillow and a few blankets in the room as well. Jason takes up the chair next to Roy’s bed and moves to the cot later that night.
Oliver and the nurses don’t try and make him leave again.
The first night is the hardest. Jason hardly sleeps, worried something will happen.
Worried that he’ll lose Roy again.
The next day Oliver arrives in Roy’s room and promptly leaves when he realizes he’s forgotten their coffees. Jason still finds it odd, Oliver bringing him coffee several times a day. He will never admit this to anyone, not even Roy, and certainly never to Oliver, but he rather likes this almost-friendship he and Oliver have built over the last few days. It won’t last, Jason’s sure of that, but right now it’s... nice.
Jason’s musings are cut off when his phone rings. Looking at the caller ID he knows it's Dick and sends the call to voicemail. Jason changes phones often, that’s what burners are for after all, but this one he’s had since he and Roy were partners. He could never bring himself to throw it away. It was the only number Roy would know to reach him at and after the last few days, Jason’s glad he kept it.
The phone rings again and Jason sighs before answering.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uhh...Do you know anything about a warehouse explosion in Gotham two nights ago?”
“Can’t say that I do, Dickiebird. Have you asked our dear old dad about it?”
Dick sighs on the other end of the line. “Yes. And we’re sure that one of your guys set up the meet with a small group of arms dealers and then blew the building to ‘cut down on the competition’ so to speak.”
“Well, what can I say, I’m not in Gotham and they do have their orders. I’m sure whoever they dropped a building on deserved it. And shouldn’t you and Batman be glad to have fewer illegal weapons running around the city?”
Jason can picture Dick pinching the bridge of his nose, frustrated and annoyed with his younger brother.
“Jason. Can you come to Gotham and I don’t know, stop whatever it is your guys are doing?”
Over my dead body.
“Sorry, Dick but I’m a little tied up at the moment.”
“Where—Doing what exactly?”
Interesting. Babs didn’t tell him.
“Sitting next to Roy’s hospital bed.”
Dick goes completely silent.
He shouldn’t say anything. Should just hang up and let Dick deal with whatever it is he’s feeling right now. But he’s angry.
He’s so fucking angry.
“You obviously know how a phone works, so were you ever going to tell me he nearly died? Or were you waiting for daddy to do it for you?”
“Jason...”
“Don’t Dick. Just don’t. I know you were never thrilled about your best friend slumming it with your murderous little brother, but for fucks sake. I shouldn’t have found out when Roy called me high as a kite five days ago wondering where I was and why I wasn’t with him.”
“... I’m sorry.”
“Yeah well, sorry isn’t going to change shit—I should know. And until Roy is better, I’m not stepping ten feet away from him. So, you and Batsy can deal with that little explosion anyway you like, just be sure you’re willing to deal with the fallout later, okay?”
Dick doesn’t say anything for a while and Jason is tempted to hang up but finally, he hears Dick sigh again.
“I know how much you mean to Roy, but... I’m not sure what he means to you. I wasn’t sure you would go if I told you. I love you, Jason—I know you don’t think so, but I do—but it really fucked Roy up when you left. So, it was—it was just easier to not tell you. Roy deserves better than you walking away from him again.”
Jason stays quiet through Dick’s little speech. He’s not wrong, but it still hurts to hear.
“He does deserve better. That’s why I left.”
“You don’t leave the people you love behind. Not like that.”
You left me behind.
“And I’ll live with that the rest of my life. And if he’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of it making it up to him too.”
He can hear Dick’s smile. “You always did have a crush on him Littlewing.”
“Fuck off. That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Jason can feel his ears start to burn and he’s suddenly a 14-year-old boy again.
“Are you sure?”
“Goodbye Dick.” Jason hangs up the phone then, irritated that he managed to turn their conversation from a fight to... whatever the fuck that was.
Jason’s still glaring at the phone in his hand as if Dick will feel his irritation with him when he hears someone cough in the doorway.
Oliver is standing at the threshold, hovering, and Jason wonders just how much of the conversation he heard.
“The baristas know our order now and they started making it as soon as they saw me, so it didn’t take as long.”
“Sounds like we drink too much coffee.”
He’s not having this conversation with Oliver.
Oliver hands Jason his coffee and sits in his chair on the opposite side of Roy’s bed.
“So, Roy wanted to know where you were and... why you weren’t with him.”
He’s still not having this conversation.
“Yep.”
“And you’re going to spend the rest of your life making it up to him.”
God dammit.
“Yep. Sure am.”
“But you’re not... in love with him.”
Jason finally looks at Oliver, “No offense Oliver, but even if I am, I really don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
“That’s not a no.”
Jason takes a long sip of his coffee but doesn’t say anything.
No, it’s not a no.
* * *
A few days after Roy’s emergency surgery Jason wakes up from a midday nap and finds Roy sitting up in bed, watching him.
“Hey.” He says it tentatively, worried he’ll... worried Roy will ask him to leave.
“Hey Jaybird. Late night? Can’t remember the last time you slept during the day.”
Roy says it like Jason never left. Like they’re back in the warehouse and not in a hospital.
Jason sits up, rolling his neck and shoulders, “This isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever slept on, but it’s not exactly my old bed back at Wayne Manor either.”
Roy smiles again and Jason finally notices that Oliver isn’t in his usual chair.
Roy notices Jason’s observation and answers before Jason can even form a question.
“Bruce called. League needs Ollie’s help with something. Said he’d be back in a couple of days.”
“So, a week at least.”
Roy chuckles because Jason’s right. Nothing the League does can be wrapped up in a couple of days, especially when Bruce is involved.
“He asked about you.”
“Oliver asked about me?”
Roy rolls his eyes at Jason. “No, Bruce asked about you.”
Jason lets out a bitter huff. “No doubt wanting to make sure I’m not getting into trouble.”
Roy watches him for a moment, considering what he’s going to say next.
“Have you talked to him recently?”
Jason sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “No. Dick called a few days ago but the last time I talked to Bruce was...I don’t even know when.”
Roy nods his head. He gets it. He and Ollie may be patching things up these days, but he understands why Jason avoids talking to Bruce.
Or about him.
“What did Dick want?”
“Oh, he and the Batdad wanted to know if I knew anything about a warehouse explosion a few days prior. I told him no and to go fuck himself.”
Roy quirks an eyebrow.
“Okay I didn’t tell him to go fuck himself, but I got pretty close.”
He’s still looking at Jason though, waiting for him to elaborate.
“I... I was angry that he’d call me about a case when he already knew who was responsible for the ‘crime’ but that he didn’t call me when—when you...”
They’re quiet for a long moment.
Roy breaks the silence and Jason is thankful he asks about Gotham and not why he’s here.
“Who was responsible for the explosion?”
Jason shrugs, “One of my guys. They set up a meeting with some new assholes trying to make it as arms dealers. They were selling the weapons to dirty cops. No one died. I really don’t understand why they’re all upset about it.”
“How did you find out I was here?”
Well, that lasted five seconds.
Jason falters here and looks down at the floor for a long time before he finally glances back at him.
“You called. I’d be surprised if you remembered. You were on a shit ton of pain medication at the time.”
Roy looks surprised enough that Jason’s starting to believe the lie he’s been telling everyone, the one he desperately hopes is actually true. That Roy doesn’t remember the phone call. Doesn’t remember what he said.
I need you here, Jaybird. Why aren’t you here?
Cause it would all be so much worse somehow if Roy remembered.
Partners look out for each other. Why didn’t you look out for me?
“I’m surprised I was able to dial the right number. I’m not even sure what it is anymore.”
He doesn’t mean to hurt Jason. It’s just a fact. Jason’s constantly changing phones and making it hard for people to find him.
It still feels like a knife to his gut.
I thought you cared about me. But you’re not here so I guess I was wrong.
Or a crowbar.
Why don’t you care about me, Jaybird?
“It’s still the same. I still—I still have my phone from when we...I couldn’t get rid of it.”
I’m sorry. I missed you.
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
“Me too.”
I never stopped caring about you.
* * *
The boredom sets in for Roy a few days after he wakes up. It takes longer than Jason expects but that means it’s up to him to entertain Roy.
It’s not going well.
“Tell me again why I can’t have your computer?”
“Because you’re bored and will likely turn it into something that is no longer useful for me once we get out of here.”
Roy huffs and crosses his arms. Roy’s cute when he pouts but Jason still has some backbone and he’s not giving the laptop up... yet.
“How did you not bring anything else with you then?”
“I was in a bit of a rush. I thought you were dying. Why would I bring a book with me?”
“Cause you always bring a book with you? You took two different books to fucking space once!”
Jason’s still looking through his bag, desperately hoping he hadn’t taken his only hope of staying sane out of this bag after his last job.
Jason gives a little shout of triumph when he finds what he’s looking for and tosses it at Roy’s face.
He catches it of course and then looks at Jason in disbelief.
“An iPod. Why the fuck do you still have an iPod?”
Jason shrugs. “I grabbed it one time when I snuck into the manor. I wanted some of my old stuff—yes, I mean books—and it was still on my desk, so I grabbed it. It still works and it has music on it. Entertain yourself.”
Roy looks both amused and sad and Jason really wishes he would stop looking at him like that.
“Have you put any new music on it?”
“No. I like the music that was already on it.”
Roy shakes his head and places one of the earbuds in his ear and starts scrolling.
“Jesus Christ, Jaybird. How old were you when you go this? Fourteen?”
“Fifteen. Dick got it for my birthday.”
“That... honestly explains a lot.”
“Why, what’s wrong with my music?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with it. I just never pictured you as a Green Day—wait no that tracks. But Fallout Boy? Really?”
“Fuck off. Leave my taste in music alone. I was fifteen and going through some shit okay?” Jason tries to keep his voice and face serious, but he feels a smile breaking through.
After a moment Roy dissolves in a fit of laughter.
It’s easy, this banter between them. The first few days of Roy being even just semi-awake had been awkward. Jason kept waiting for Roy to ask him to leave and given their history, Roy probably kept waiting to wake up and find Jason had left.
Then there were all the things they needed to talk about, and both of them were unwilling to do it.
Finally, though, they have slipped back into old habits and suddenly they don’t have to plan every word or worry about saying the wrong thing. They get to be Jason and Roy again.
Roy’s still laughing when Natalie walks in. It’s time for Roy’s afternoon meds.
She looks between the two of them, clearly confused.
“What’s so funny?”
Between fits of laughter, Roy explains Jason’s taste (or lack thereof) in music.
Jason’s ears are turning red and he’s tempted to take the music player back.
“Fuck you, Harper. I was fifteen.”
Jason’s doing his best not to smile again. It’s bad enough he couldn’t suppress it a few minutes ago.
“You guys have known each other since you were fifteen?”
Natalie says it like it’s the cutest thing she’s ever heard.
Roy starts shaking his head and answers before Jason can respond. “Jason was fourteen. His older brother Dick was my best friend growing up, so at the time I was closer to twenty-one or twenty-two probably.”
Roy sounds lighthearted, but sincere when he says it, and honestly, Jason would be surprised if Roy did remember him from all those years ago. Until he came back, they’d only even been in the same room together a handful of times.
“Ouch. And here I thought I meant something to you Harper.” His voice is dripping with sarcasm and both Roy and Natalie laugh.
But then, Roy gets a mischievous look on his face and Jason doesn’t like the look of it at all.
“I do remember one thing about you from back then.”
Fuck.
Jason shakes his head and laughs, praying it doesn’t come out nervous.
“I’m not sure I want to know.”
Roy sits up in bed, leaning closer to Jason like he’s going to tell him a secret.
“I remember you having a huge crush on me.”
Jason almost wishes he was dead again. Almost.
Dick... you’re a fucking dead man.
Jason shrugs again and crosses his arms. “I was a stupid teenager. What else can I say?”
“You two are so adorable.”
Jason jumps a bit when Natalie speaks, he’d forgotten she was there—which is concerning for several reasons.
Roy and Natalie continue to chat while she dispenses his medications and Jason gets out his laptop, pretending to be busy.
His ears are definitely red by the time Natalie leaves.
* * *
Jason wakes up early one morning when he hears a group of nurses enter the room. They’re here to give Roy his medications and do their daily checks.
Now that he can’t just sit and stare at Roy all day Jason’s started gathering information on all of the doctors and nurses that come into contact with him. It’s Tuesday so it must be Liam, Natalie, Ashley, and Sarah.
If memorizing the nurse’s schedules means he’s being overprotective, then that’s really nobody’s business.
Jason listens long enough to see if they need anything from him—they don’t—and he’s not in their way, so he decides to try and go back to sleep.
“God they’re just so adorable.”
Jason is suddenly wide awake.
“I know right? I wonder if they’ll get back together now.”
“What? Susan said that they’re partners.”
“Well yeah, that’s what she was told. Mr. Queen wasn’t too happy to see Jason from what I heard. Roy had been here for two weeks before he even showed up. I don’t think he knew what happened. That tells me they weren’t together when it happened.”
“He could have not known for a lot of reasons Liam. I mean look at him. He certainly doesn’t work a 9 to 5 job. Maybe he was working, and no one could find him.”
“I guess. Either way, he clearly loves Roy.”
Jason can hear Roy stirring and the nurses must notice too because they hush each other and start talking about Natalie’s dog (Sparky, a 4-year-old beagle, likes tennis balls, and hates loud noises) that she recently rescued from a questionable medical laboratory.
“Morning ladies... and Liam. What’s the plan for today?”
Roy yawns as he speaks, and Jason can hear the bed shift as he stretches.
“Morning Roy. Just your morning medications right now with a full day of rest ahead of you.”
He laughs a little, sounding bored already. “You guys are no fun. You could at least give me a sponge bath.”
Roy flirting, or trying to, is definitely a good sign.
“I’m afraid our sponge bath calendar is filled up for today, but I’m sure we could arrange something so your Mr. Todd could give you one.”
Roy laughs properly this time, and Jason’s so relieved to hear that sound again he almost doesn’t catch what Roy says next.
“Well Jaybird, what do you say? You wanna give me a sponge bath today?”
Jason can feel his face and ears heat up and he doesn’t dare sit up and look at Roy or the nurses. Instead, he raises his hand overhead and flips Roy off.
“In your dreams Harper.”
Jason’s rewarded with another laugh and he’s pretty sure one of the nurses—Ashley (graduate from UW Med, top of the class, likes to knit), Jason thinks—mutters “adorable” again.
“I think we’ll hold off on the sponge bath till tomorrow. We don’t want you... overexerting yourself so soon after surgery.” Jason thinks it’s Sarah (single mom, recently engaged, graduated with a 3.98 GPA) who says this. Her tone seems to give her statement a double meaning but Jason’s not sure what she’s...not saying.
After the nurses leave and he’s sure his face and ears are no longer pink, Jason sits up and faces Roy.
“A sponge bath? Do you really hate yourself that much?”
Roy smiles a bit, but it’s an unfamiliar one that Jason hasn’t seen before.
“I love myself and I think I deserve a reward for all I’ve been through.”
Oh.
He frowns slightly, realizing what Sarah had been implying. He can’t imagine why Roy would want him when he could have literally anyone else though.
“Then you should wait for one of those pretty, single nurses. I’m sure you’ll enjoy their company much more than mine.”
Roy frowns a bit before shaking his head, asking if Jason’s heard anything about when Oliver will be back. He hasn’t but he offers to reach out to Babs and see if she knows anything.
They slip into an easy silence after that, though Roy remains oddly quiet the rest of the day.
Jason pulls out his laptop to send a message to Babs, trying to not overanalyze what’s going on between him and Roy. They give each other shit all the time; this shouldn’t be any different.
It feels different though, and Jason’s not sure what to do about it.
* * *
As the days pass by, Roy starts to be more and more of his old self. Jason is thrilled to see Roy looking and feeling better, he just also wishes Roy would stop telling the nurses about their ‘adventures.’
It started out innocently enough—one of the nurses, Liam (graduated from UCLA, 4.0 GPA, married, likes musicals), asked Roy how long he and Jason have known each other. Apparently, Natalie hadn’t told him, or more likely, he was trying to gather more information for the gossip pool.
Jason’s just thankful he didn’t ask how long they’ve been together.
Roy answers him right away. Talks about being friends with Dick (Jason’s older brother—no it’s not a nickname, his name is legally Dick), growing up and meeting Jason a few years after Bruce had adopted him, and horrifyingly, Jason’s crush on Roy.
It’s basically what he told Natalie a few days prior, with a few more details but still, Jason expects Roy to stop there.
The thing is though, Roy’s a talker—always has been when it comes to things like telling stories and gathering intel.
So that means, much to Jason’s distress, a question about how they met turns into a three-part epic that eventually ends with Jason taking Roy to Paris. Sure, Roy leaves out all of the non-civilian friendly information, but he doesn’t embellish too much either and that makes their relationship sound... closer than Jason had been expecting.
By mid-afternoon, most of the nurses seem to think Jason took Roy to Paris for their first date.
Watching Roy talk now, arms waving with excitement, his face flushed with laughter, the more Jason realizes just how truly idiotic it was for him to leave all those months ago.
Roy deserves everything and that’s so much more than Jason could ever hope to give him. He’d try though if Roy gave him a chance.
He doesn’t deserve a chance though, not after everything he’s done to Roy.
By the end of the day, Roy has told so many nurses about Paris that Jason starts to wonder if it really had been a date and he just didn’t know it at the time.
* * *
It’s been three weeks since Jason arrived at Roy’s hospital room; two weeks since his last surgery and nearly six weeks since Roy’s brush with death. Roy’s been keeping track as if reminding everyone about how long he’s been in here will make the doctors let him go sooner.
It hasn’t worked so far, though both Jason and Oliver are thoroughly annoyed every time Roy brings it up.
While the doctors won’t commit to a date, Roy does need to decide where he’s going to go once he’s discharged.
Thankfully, Roy agrees right away that he shouldn’t go back to Titan’s Tower—the probability of him getting dragged into something before he’s ready is too high. Roy loves Dick and Donna and all the rest of them to death, but he’s not ready to go back yet.
Jason thinks of offering up Gotham as an option but quickly kills that horrible idea.
Bruce and everyone else knows about his various warehouses and safe houses in and around the city and he doesn’t like the idea of any of them dropping in unannounced.
Also, it’s a city full of super villains.
So, Gotham is out.
Oliver suggests Star City and Roy immediately shoots that idea down. Jason understands why Roy doesn’t want to return to Star, time can’t heal all wounds after all, but he also knows that Roy would be well looked after while he recovered if he went there.
Oliver points out he wouldn’t have to stay with the rest of the family forever, just until he was well enough to be on his own, but that doesn’t do much to change Roy’s mind.
Roy and Oliver continue to debate—argue—about Roy returning to Star over the next few days. The debates quickly dissolve into both Roy and Oliver looking at Jason like he was supposed to be helping and why wasn’t he.
Before Oliver can just straight up threaten to kidnap Roy, Bruce calls. League business, again. Oliver says he’ll be back as soon as possible and sends Jason a look that clearly means get Roy’s ass to Star by any means necessary or I’ll kill you.
Jason would like to see Oliver try and kill him. It might be kinda fun actually.
Careful what you wish for Robin Hood.
The day after Oliver leaves Jason offers to go back to Star City with Roy. He doesn’t have any jobs lined up and things in Gotham are under control (even if Bruce disagrees). Roy hesitates for a moment and Jason thinks maybe he’s overstepped. Roy may have wanted him here but that doesn’t mean he also wants Jason to follow him home like a stray cat either.
“If you’re sure you don’t have anything better to do, it would be nice to have you around for a while longer Jaybird.”
“Where you go, I go. I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.”
They both seem surprised by the earnestness in his voice and they spend most of the day awkwardly dancing around each other afterward. Jason worries he’s reading too much into Roy wanting him in Star and does his best to stomp down the hope starting to grow in him.
He’s not even sure what he’s hoping for exactly.
Hope that he and Roy will go back to being partners? Hope that maybe they could be more than partners? Either idea is terrifying for very different reasons and Jason doesn’t let himself think about either option too long.
* * *
Two days after Oliver left for whatever the Justice League was involved in this time, Roy gets the go-ahead to be discharged.
The day starts out normal enough which means that by early afternoon Roy is trying to dismantle his hospital bed—why exactly, Jason has no idea—while some poor nursing student tries to give Roy his afternoon medications.
Jason’s pretty sure this girl—Brittany (2nd year nursing student, house plant enthusiast, cat mom)—is going to go into accounting now thanks to Roy, but he doesn’t blame Roy for wanting to get out of this room either.
Brittany finally gives up and leaves with the promise of bringing back reinforcements. Roy barely notices.
“You know if you keep this up, they’ll just keep you, longer right?”
Roy gives Jason a knowing smile, “You’re not going to let them though are you?”
Before Jason can say anything, Brittany returns with several nurses and Doctor Carter (new mom, recently adopted twins with her wife, lives on coffee) in tow.
Roy sighs dramatically, “If I take my meds can I go home today?”
Dr. Carter takes a moment to check over Roy’s chart and then looks to Jason, “Think you can keep him in line? No overexerting himself. Make sure he takes his medications on time?”
Jason looks between the doctor and Roy, thinking it over while Roy makes a distressed sound at the back of his throat.
“Please, Jaybird? I’ll be good I promise.”
Jason raises an eyebrow but nods to the doctor. “Yeah, I’ll take care of him.”
Everyone laughs Roy whoops with excitement and then quickly silences himself, glancing at Dr. Cater to make sure she won’t take back her decision to let him leave.
“It’ll take a few hours to get the paperwork sorted out and then—” she checks her watch, thinking about who will be available after shift change. “Doctor Graudine will come by with the discharge orders and go through them with you.”
Roy is much easier to handle after that.
It’s just after 4:00 pm when they finally get Roy’s discharge papers. Dr. Graudine spends a rather long time listing out the kinds of activities Roy can and can’t do for the next few weeks as he continues to recover. It’s only when Roy starts to blush that Jason catches on to what they’re implying.
No sex.
It’s odd for Roy to blush whenever the conversation turns to sex. He’s never been one to shy away from his sex life, and Jason can’t help but wonder if it’s the idea of having sex with him that’s making Roy blush.
Jason can feel his own face heating up and does his best to move the conversation along for everyone’s benefit.
An hour later Jason’s loading Roy and their bags into a cab to take them to the airport. With Oliver off with the League, Jason had arranged for a private plane to take Roy back to Star with the help of Connor.
Helping Roy walk onto the plane now, Jason’s struck by just how weak Roy really is. He doesn’t remember dying or coming back. Doesn’t even remember those first months wandering around Gotham. He can’t know for sure, but he imagines he must have been as weak as Roy is now.
Jason didn’t have anyone looking out for him then, and the thought makes him more determined to care for Roy now.
It’s only a 2-hour flight, but Roy’s asleep within seconds of take-off.
Jason watches Roy sleep for a while before slipping on his headphones, to drown out the nagging voice in the back of his mind. Panic at the Disco and MCR do little to quell the anxiety building in his chest though.
The closer they get to Star the more Jason begins to worry that he should have told Oliver that he was coming with Roy. Or that he should have reached out to Dinah and given her a heads up. Or asked permission to stay in her house.
He can already hear the lecture Alfred will give him about manners and how it’s impolite to invite yourself into someone’s home.
But Connor doesn’t seem surprised when Jason helps Roy off the plane, or when he loads his bag alongside Roy’s in the car, before sliding into the backseat next to Roy.
Dinah and Mia don’t seem surprised either, when Jason walks in behind Roy, setting their bags down and slipping his shoes off by the front door.
* * *
The first few days in Star City were awkward.
It starts with Mia putting Jason’s things in Roy’s room instead of a guest room the night they arrive.
The next morning Dinah hands Jason a cup of coffee just how he likes it. When he asks how she knew, she simply says that he and Roy like it the same way. Dinah then exchanges pointed glances with both Mia and Connor while Roy’s ears go bright red.
In the early hours of their third day in Star Oliver finally gets back. Apparently, no one had told Oliver that Jason had accompanied Roy to Star and so when Oliver sees a dark figure he doesn’t recognize moving around the kitchen, he decides to shoot first and ask questions later.
Jason doesn’t blame him. It comes with the lifestyle and really, he should have known better than to wander around someone else’s kitchen in the dark.
Roy reads Oliver the riot act while Dinah stitches up Jason’s arm.
Oliver is thoroughly unimpressed by Roy’s behavior however and after a few minutes of listening to him rant and rave, he stands up to leave.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake Roy give it a rest. You can yell at me all you want when you don’t shoot first and ask questions later the first time your kid brings home their new boyfriend unannounced.” He turns away from Roy then and starts walking towards the back of the house, presumably in search of a shower.
Jason expects Roy to say something about how he isn’t Roy’s boyfriend.
Instead, Roy trails after Oliver yelling, “If you keep shooting him, we’ll never know! We can’t have a kid if he’s fucking dead Ollie!”
Jason just stares after Roy’s retreating form, ignoring Mia and Connor’s hushed laughs and Dinah’s smirk.
Eventually, Dinah tells Jason she’s done stitching up his arm and hands him a couple of painkillers and a glass of water. Jason thanks Dinah for her help and makes a quick excuse about wanting to try and get some more sleep, before bolting from the kitchen and escaping to the guest room he’s staying in.
When Roy knocks on his door a little while later, Jason pretends to be asleep and after a few minutes, he hears Roy leave.
A few hours later though, Oliver barges into the room like he owns it (which, technically he does) and either knows Jason’s pretending to be asleep or just doesn’t care.
“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to bring Roy back to Star.”
Jason lets out a bitter laugh from underneath the blankets, “I don’t recall you asking me to do anything.”
“You’re right kid, I didn’t ask you to do a damn thing. But you knew I wanted Roy in Star and now he’s here. What I don’t understand is you. Why are you here?”
Jason doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he just keeps quiet.
Oliver sighs and Jason wills him to go away.
“Stay as long as you like, Todd. But you better figure out pretty quickly why you’re here and if it’s for the same reason that Roy thinks you’re here for.”
He hears Oliver turn and leave the room, but a few moments later there’s a knock on the door frame.
“You awake now, Jaybird?”
Unwilling to pretend that he’s still asleep—especially if Roy had heard what Oliver had said—Jason rolls onto his back and throws the blanket off his face.
“It’s incredibly hard to sleep with this many people around.”
Roy gives him a lopsided smile, “There’s a reason I didn’t want to come back. They’ll keep me here at least a month.”
Roy moves to sit at the foot of the bed and Jason sits up facing him.
“You’re not a kid Roy, you can leave whenever you want.”
“Yeah. But it’s also kinda nice knowing that they want me around this time.”
Shit. Shit shit shit.
“Roy. Fuck I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
Roy leans forward and places a hand atop one of Jason’s.
“Jaybird it’s fine. I think the subject of our childhood homes are always going to be a touchy subject—for both of us. It’s fine.”
Jason nods his head but still feels guilty for bringing up something painful from Roy’s past.
“Uhhhh... I did have a question for you though.” Roy rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, refusing to look at Jason.
He knows what’s coming. It’s been coming since the day Jason arrived at the hospital.
He’s just thankful it’s taken this long.
After a long moment, Roy finally looks at Jason, “When do you have to go back to Gotham? Is it soon?”
Not what he was expecting. Not exactly.
“It can be. If you need me to—if you—I can leave whenever you want me to.” Jason tries to keep his voice even, not wanting to influence whatever it is that Roy will say next.
“But you don’t have to go anytime soon?”
Roy sounds almost... hopeful?
“There’s nothing in Gotham for me right now.”
You’re not in Gotham.
Roy smiles a bit, looking from Jason’s face to their hands, and then back to Jason.
“I’d like you to stay a bit longer if that’s all right with you.”
“I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
I want to stay with you.
Roy nods at that and smiles at Jason. Jason returns the smile and looks down when he feels Roy’s hand tighten around his own.
Their hands have shifted without him noticing. Fingers intertwined now, and Jason jumps a bit when Roy squeezes his hand one more time before letting go.
“Lunch should be ready soon. Though I’m pretty sure whatever Connor’s made will be pretty... well it’ll be healthy at least.”
Roy stands and makes his way towards the door, stopping when he notices Jason hasn’t followed him.
“You coming, Jaybird?”
Roy’s hand is stretched out and Jason doesn’t hesitate to take it, letting Roy pull him from the bed, out of the room, and down the stairs.
Jason’s never held anyone’s hand before and it feels like his whole body is vibrating. But if Roy notices he doesn’t say anything.
He doesn’t let go either.
* * *
Things only get more... things are different after that. At least Jason thinks things are different, though Roy doesn’t act like anything’s changed.
They’re still them just with more... touching.
Roy’s always been a very tactile person, but since he asked Jason to stay longer Roy seems to go out of his way to touch Jason. Like running his hand along Jason’s back when they pass each other in the kitchen.
Leaning against Jason while they watch tv.
Legs brushing underneath the table while they eat.
He knows that everyone else has noticed too from the looks they keep giving each other. Jason feels his face heat up every time they’re caught. He thinks he’s seen Roy smile a few times too, but he can’t be sure.
He imagines this is what a crush would feel like if he were still fifteen.
He’s not though and he hates how dizzy he feels and how he hopes it never stops.
“You okay there, Jaybird?”
He and Roy are in the living room watching some trashy fashion reality show with the rest of the Arrowfam (as Jason’s begun to refer to them). Jason’s been zoned out for the last ten minutes, unable to focus on anything other than Roy’s legs resting across his lap.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”
“Jaybird?”
Jason’s head snaps over to where Oliver is sitting with Dinah. Oliver’s smirking in their direction and he feels Roy tense.
“Jaybird?” Oliver chuckles to himself as he says it again, and Roy starts to fidget.
“Yep.” Roy’s voice is tight, and he snatches the hat off of his head as he says it, balling it up in his fists.
Oliver’s looking at Jason now, though the laughter is gone from his voice. “And you let him call you, Jaybird?”
Jason shrugs, eyeing Roy’s hat and trying to sound uninterested in the question. “I’ve been called worse.”
He’s not sure what Oliver’s implying, and he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of sounding interested.
Oliver shakes his head, laughing to himself as he stands up. “You kids need anything from the kitchen?”
They all shake their heads but instead of heading to the kitchen, he leans down towards Dinah.
“What about you Pretty Bird?”
Dinah tells him no, but sits up enough to give Oliver a quick kiss.
Several things happen simultaneously then; Connor snorts, Mia laughs and they both attempt to make the other be quiet. Roy stops fidgeting as Oliver leaves the room but refuses to look anywhere other than at his hat, which is still balled up in his hands.
And Jason...Jason hardly notices any of it while he tries not to think about how long it’s been since Roy started calling him Jaybird.
* * *
Things level out after the first week. Oliver and the rest of the Arrowfam go about their lives as normal and Roy does his best to adjust to their routines. Jason does his best to stay out of the way during the day and make himself useful at night.
During the day he looks into the laboratory that Natalie’s dog had been in and he sends what he finds to Damian and Bruce. He’s sure Damian already knows all about animal testing, but it can’t hurt to also get it on Bruce’s radar too. The Wayne Foundation has plenty of money to give out. And if Damian brings home one of those dogs, well Jason can claim it as the kid’s Christmas present.
In the evenings Jason’s gotten into the habit of cleaning up after dinner. Dinah insists he doesn’t have to, usually implying that Oliver should. Jason doesn’t mind though, and after the first few nights, Dinah stops fussing and lets him be.
He’s always liked washing dishes. It gives him space to think while keeping his hands occupied—and he’s been thinking a lot lately.
Mostly Jason can’t stop thinking about Roy asking—wanting—him to stay in Star longer. Or Roy’s smile when he said he could stay as long as Roy wanted him to.
He also can’t stop thinking about how Roy’s hand felt, wrapped around his own.
Since then, Roy has seemed happier, and if Roy is happy because Jason is staying... Jason never lets himself complete that thought because it seems so impossible.
“Earth to, Jaybird.”
Jason jumps and Roy laughs. He can’t stop thinking about what Oliver implied the other night when he heard Roy’s nickname for him either.
“Not every day I can sneak up on you, Jaybird. Everything okay?”
Roy’s standing behind him, hands resting on Jason’s hips, steadying him, grounding him. Jason hadn’t heard him approach, and now that Roy’s hands are resting on his hips it’s hard to think clearly.
“No. I—no sorry. Everything’s fine. Sorry. Just tired I guess.”
“Are you sleeping okay? You’re not having nightmares, again are you?”
The concern in Roy’s voice fills Jason with guilt. “No nightmares. Promise. Just takes me a while to adjust to sleeping in new places. You know that.”
Jason glances over his shoulder at Roy as he says it, trying to smile.
Trying, to put Roy at ease.
Roy nods after a moment and smiles tentatively, “Good thing you’re planning on staying a while then... right?”
It feels like a trap, even though Jason knows Roy is just trying to reassure himself that he’s staying. It could also be Roy giving Jason an out, a way to take back what he said the other day.
He wavers for a moment before replying, “I meant it when I said that I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
Roy’s smile grows impossibly wider at that and Jason feels Roy’s hands tighten on his hips for a moment.
“Good thing you like dishes then, cause I don’t plan on sending you away anytime soon.”
Roy’s hands move away from Jason’s hips and up to his shoulders, gripping them for a moment before he steps away, grabs a nearby towel, and starts to dry the dishes Jason has already washed.
Jason can still feel Roy’s hands on his hips and shoulders, even as he watches Roy dry dishes.
They work in comfortable silence for a while, Roy humming heavy metal rock songs while Jason tries to guess the song titles.
“Ooh, hashtag Couple Goals.”
Jason jumps again (what the fuck is going on) and looks up to see Mia standing in the doorway. She’s been there for who knows how long, watching them.
“You guys know we have a dishwasher, right?” She leaves before either of them can answer though.
Jason laughs, trying to cover up his anxiety at being caught at... what he’s not exactly sure.
Roy just keeps drying the plate in his hand and humming a tune Jason can’t quite place.
* * *
Two weeks into their stay, Roy asks Jason if he wants to go look at some apartments with him.
The question surprises Jason. He can understand why Roy would want his own place away from the chaotic energy of his family, but this is the first time Roy mentioned getting a place of his own. It’s also the first he’s mentioned the possibility of staying in Star City long-term.
Jason doesn’t let himself think about whether or not there will be space for him at Roy’s new place. Or how long he’ll be able to stay once Roy moves.
Still, Jason jumps at the chance to get out from under the prying eyes of the Queen household.
They spend most of the day driving around Star in one of Oliver’s cars, looking at various buildings on a list that Roy had brought with him. At each place, they tour Roy asks his opinion about everything from the location to the types of appliances and whenever Jason doesn’t seem thrilled about one thing or another Roy dismisses the place entirely and they move on.
Jason’s never rented an apartment before. Sure, he uses them as safe houses but still, he’s never actually, legally, rented one before so he’s not sure why Roy is putting so much stock into his opinions about paint color and appliance brands.
By their fifth tour Jason begins insisting that Roy is overexerting himself and that if they don’t stop soon, he’ll be forced to take him back to the hospital.
Roy agrees that after this next tour they’ll call it for the day, but he has a feeling about the next building on their list and wants to see it today.
They’re halfway across town, heading to the apartment Roy insists on seeing today when Jason realizes Roy has been referring to his list as their list. It also occurs to him that throughout the week Roy has been asking him seemingly random questions which, upon further reflection, Jason now realizes had to do with apartments.
What do you think of walk-in closets?
Is a balcony a want or a need?
Built-in shelves are nice right?
Pulling up to the building Roy directed him to now, it suddenly occurs to Jason that maybe Roy hasn’t been looking at an apartment for him.
Maybe Roy has been actually looking at an apartment for them.
Standing in the one-bedroom apartment now, it’s pretty obvious that Roy had Jason in mind when he picked this place. There were built-in shelves in the living room and bedroom. The kitchen had been recently updated with new appliances and there was a new washer and dryer in the hall closet.
Roy clearly loved the place.
Jason does too if he’s being honest with himself. He just doesn’t know if he’s allowed to love it.
To love Roy.
“I don’t know about you Jaybird, but I like this place—a lot. There’s plenty of room for your books on the built-in shelves and the appliances are all new which is nice since you like to cook. There’s actually a washer and dryer, and the unit comes with a parking spot for the car—or if you bring your bike from Gotham, you could park it there if you—”
“Roy, what are we doing?”
Roy turns around to look at Jason, “What do you mean, Jaybird? We’re looking at this apartment trying to decide if we like it. It’s what we’ve been doing all day.”
Jason sighs and runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. God, why are we so bad at this?
“Roy, I thought you were looking for a place for you. Not for us.”
He watches as Roy realizes that they are not, in fact, on the same page and he almost wishes he hadn’t said anything. He wants to run, wants to turn around and walk out the door, walk all the way back to Gotham and not have to hear what Roy will say next.
He doesn’t want to run away anymore though.
He’s been running since the day he crawled out of his grave, since the day he met Bruce.
And he’s so goddammed tired of running.
Jason starts to pace, looking between Roy and the floor as he talks. “Roy. It’s a one-bedroom apartment. So, either one of us will be sleeping on a couch or we’ll be sharing a bed.”
Jason stops a few feet from Roy, sighing as he runs a hand through his dark hair again.
“We’ll be friends like we’ve always been, or we’ll...we’ll be a couple.”
He doesn’t look at Roy as he continues, “Are we a couple, and I just missed that happening or...”
Roy looks exhausted, standing in the middle of the living room opening and closing his mouth a few times.
“I—we’re not. But I thought—we’ve never talked about—you came to Star with me; you’re staying in Star because of me—I thought. I thought you were staying in Star to be with me but—”
“I am. I want to stay with you, but I don’t—I don’t know what’s actually happening right now... between us. You act like nothing changed between us, and maybe it hasn’t it—but...”
“But?”
Jason runs a hand through his hair and starts to pace again, refusing to look at Roy.
“You never corrected any of the nurses when they thought we were together—and don’t pretend you didn’t know. You talked about Paris so much even I started believing it was a date! You played them all so well like you actually wanted us to be together but the whole time we were there all I could think about was how you can have anyone you want, so why would you ever want me?”
He stops pacing and turns to look at Roy.
“And ever since you asked me if I was going back to Gotham soon you touch me constantly like you’re afraid I’m not really here—even though I keep telling you I’ll stay until you tell me to leave. And then last week when Oliver asked about my nickname? You’ve been calling me Jaybird for years. But you haven’t been—you can’t have been—”
“In love with you for years?”
Jason doesn’t say anything and Roy sighs, looking frustrated as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “God, I hate it when Dinah’s right.”
Roy moves towards the kitchen and hops up on the counter. It’s the only place to sit and Jason wonders if he should just put a stop to the conversation he’s started, but then Roy starts to talk.
“I haven’t been in love with you for years, Jaybird. So, don’t like panic, or anything about that. You’re my best friend and I have loved you as my best friend since about ten minutes after you broke me out of that hell hole.”
Jason does his best to keep the disappointment from his voice. “So, you don’t mean it like Oliver was—”
“No, I do. I just—for a long time we were just friends. And then maybe it was on that fucking mountain or maybe it wasn’t until after Kori left and it was just the two of us, but I—I’ve wanted us to be more than friends for a while. And back when it was just the two of us, I thought you did too, sometimes at least, but then everything went to shit. And you left. And I convinced myself that you didn’t want anything more, so I went back to New York to try and get my head on straight again.
“Then things got even shittier. I almost died. And the first moment I’m even remotely conscious I call you and the next thing I know, you’re sitting next to my damn hospital bed like you’ve always been there. Like it’s the only place in the world you wanted to be—and then you stayed there for basically the next month before following me to Star.”
Roy slips off the counter and takes a step closer to Jason, moving slowly as if he’s a horse about to bolt.
“Jason, when I asked if you needed to go back to Gotham, what I was trying to ask was if you wanted to stay here, with me. And when you said that there wasn’t anything in Gotham for you, I thought that was you saying that you wanted to stay with me.”
“I do want to stay with you. But...”
“But what Jason?”
Jason hates this. Roy sounds exhausted and weary. He’s never been good at talking, not about things that are important.
“Aren’t you—aren’t you worried that I’ll leave again?”
Roy nods without hesitation. “Yeah, I am. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want this.”
He gestures around at the apartment and then between the two of them. “I get it if this is too much. I tend to jump from A to Z without thinking and we’re not exactly doing things in order, either. I thought, maybe if we had a place of our own... maybe you wouldn’t want to leave again. I thought if we got an apartment—not a safe house, but a home—you’d know that I’m serious about giving this, giving us—a shot.”
Jason nods, eyeing Roy wearily, he wants to give them a shot too.
But he doesn’t want to fuck it up. He feels desperate to not lose Roy all over again.
They’re standing toe-to-toe now, Roy’s arms wrapped around Jason’s shoulders.
“I’m not trying to spook you, but I want you to stay with me in Star because I do love you, Jaybird. And I want us to be more than friends if you stay because I’m in love with you.”
Jason’s eyes bolt shut, and he feels one of Roy’s hands slip into his hair.
“Maybe we won’t be together forever, but I think forever with you is worth a shot, Jaybird. What do you think?”
He can see Roy’s smile even before he opens his eyes, and he thinks forever has a nice ring to it.
Jason still hesitates though, his mind running through all the ways he could mess this up. He can feel Roy starting to fidget at his silence, taking it as the “no” it’s so clearly meant to be.
Roy deserves someone willing to fight for him.
He can’t remember the last time he fought for something. For someone.
Even if he fucks it up, at least he can say he tried.
Jason opens his eyes and smirks down at Roy.
“Forever huh? Sure, you don’t want to skip some more steps and just get married? I’m sure Oliver knows a judge we could—”
Roy shoves at his arm, “Is that a yes or a no? Cause it sounds like a yes, except you’re being an asshole instead of kissing me like I expected you to—"
Jason kisses him then. Roy laughs against his lips and it makes him dizzy with hope.
It makes Jason think that forever doesn’t sound nearly long enough.
/ / /