Chapter Text
Everyone always likes to think of Kageyama as someone who’s slightly clueless, naive to a fault, and unaware of human emotion. Contrary to popular belief though, Kageyama is none of those things. Atleast, not completely. Yeah, it takes him slightly longer to pick up on cues, and he might not be the best at expressing his emotions, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t there at all.
Kageyama is a setter through and through. The ability to read a room, a person, and know what exactly the right move should be is innate. His instincts have only ever let him down twice. He can remember the first time as clear as day, even if it’s been 3 years since it happened.
He had just been subbed into his first official game in junior high, and riding that warm feeling, he had decided to approach his senpai and ask him for help in learning to serve. He should have read the room better. He should have read Oikawa better.
One second he was looking up at his senpai, the one person in the world that he wanted to impress more than anyone else, and the next second he was watching a heavy hand swing towards him. His legs felt as if they’d frozen to the floor, and he could only brace himself as the hand came closer. But the hit never landed, and there was Iwaizumi-san, grabbing Oikawa’s hand, and stepping in between the two.
Kageyama couldn’t hear what Iwaizumi was undoubtedly yelling at Oikawa, there was a roaring in his ears and a searing burn across his chest. Scrambling to get his feet working, he ran out of the gym, not looking back, or hearing the voices calling his name.
He runs all the way home without remembering the journey at all. It’s not until he’s indoors, curled under a blanket, does he realize that he’s shaking and that his chest still burns. He gets up on wobbly feet and makes his way to the bathroom. Taking off his shirt, he can only watch in horror as two flowers curl together along his collarbone. He thinks he recognizes one as a marigold, and the other has a yellow trumpet-like center, and six star-like white petals.
This can’t be happening .
In a world where soulmate bonds are revealed through intense, emotional moments, Kageyama is horrified to discover that he’s found his. The marks manifest as different flowers, and it wasn’t until years after the discovery of soulmates, that people began to realize that each flower had a meaning specific to that soulmate. Soulmates don’t necessarily have to recognize each other at the same time. There have been countless studies of one soulmate gaining their mark, and the other having no clue of their other half’s existence. Kageyama prays that that’s the case here, because his soulmates can only be the two people in this world who despise him.
He walks back to his bed and sits down, head in his hand. If he focuses, he can feel both Oikawa and Iwaizumi at the other end of the bond, but the link is weak. He knows that they haven’t realized that he’s also their soulmate. Exhaling shakily, he wonders about what he should do.
Oikawa and Iwaizumi have known each other since they were kids. Everyone on the team knew that they were soulmates, the way they moved completely in sync on the court, a testament to their deep rooted bond. With resignation, Kageyama realizes that there isn’t room in their bond for him; that the universe has made a cruel mistake.
He won’t lie to himself, the thought of being soulmates with Oikawa and Iwaizumi has delicate warmth unfurl in his chest, not unlike the petals of the flowers now branded on his skin. He knows that his desire for Oikawa’s recognition, and his admiration of Iwaizumi’s quiet strength, goes beyond that of a kouhai towards his senpai. No, the universe has been infinitely kind in giving Kageyama such incredible soulmates; it’s only been cruel by saddling said soulmates with Kageyama.
Kageyama may be slow to understand certain social cues, and emotions may be difficult for him to figure out, but he knows what he needs to do now in order to keep his soulmates happy.
Bond blocks are a dangerous field to be playing in. They can only be done on one-sided soulmate bonds, but once the bond is acknowledged on both sides, it becomes dangerous to keep up as it begins to strangle the links that tie soulmates together. If kept up for too long, bonds have been known to atrophy and break, leaving the block holder without a soulmate.
Say what you want about Kageyama, but never say that he’s selfish. With a heavy heart, and shaky breaths, he imagines a wall forming between him and his soulmates. He can feel them dim slowly on his side of the bond, until all he feels is a faint warmth that barely manages to heat the cold space left behind in his heart.
He spends the rest of the night searching up flowers and their meanings. He finds that he was right, and the golden flowers are marigolds, and when he sees their meaning - Pretty Love, Affection, Overcomes Sorrow, Comforts the heart, Overcomes jealousy - he can’t help but think about beautiful brown eyes, a charming smile, an angry sneer, and a heavy swinging hand.
The second flower is harder to find, but he does eventually find it. A jonquil meaning - Can you return my love? I desire a return of your affection, and Sympathy. He thinks of a hand ruffling his hair, encouraging words, and a protective body standing in front of him.
The universe may be cruel, but she’s always been spot on with her irony.
Closing his eyes, Kageyama strengthens his resolve to make sure that Oikawa and Iwaizumi never find out about him. His soulmates may hate him, but Kageyama can’t bear to see them unhappy.
He remembers his grandfather, and the delicate sprigs of heliotrope - Herb of Love, Godly Devotion, Eternal Love, Faithfulness - that curled around his hands. He remembers the soft way he would lace his fingers with his grandmothers, and the heliotrope would join the heartsease - You Occupy My Thoughts, I Am Always Thinking Of You - on his grandmother’s hands. He had always dreamed of a love like that. Someone to be devoted to, that would give him the same level of devotion back.
He knows now that dreams are for children, and that he wasn’t made for that level of devotion and happiness, but he’ll do what he can to keep his soulmates happy, even if that means he won’t ever be.
Letting sleep overcome him, his dreams are filled with warm smiles, and exclamations of delight at seeing him.
--
He walks into the gym the next day with trepidation, and a determination to avoid Iwaizumi and Oikawa.
He sticks close to Kindaichi and Kunimi as they practice drills. When the coach asks them to pair up, he attaches himself to a second year who is more than happy to help him. From his quick glances, he can see the way that Oikawa keeps looking at him. He doesn’t miss the frown and frustrated scowl on his face as Kageyama keeps avoiding him. When Iwaizumi goes to ruffle his hair, the almost violent flinch that Kageyama gives, is enough to stop him in his tracks. The look of pure hurt on Iwaizumi’s face carves its way into Kageyama’s consciousness.
Kageyama is so tired by the end of the day that all he wants to do is go home, and fall into his grandfather’s arms.
He’s getting ready to make his great escape from the gym, when he finds himself cornered by the two people he had spent all day avoiding. Oikawa is looking at him with an indecipherable look in his eyes, and Iwaizumi has a cautious gleam in his. Kageyama tries to excuse himself and push past the two boys, but when he sees a hand darting forward to grab at his wrist, he can’t help but throw himself back and trip over his own legs. He looks up at the two from his position on the floor, and the look of shock towards his violent reaction is written plainly on their faces.
Taking advantage of their stupified state, Kageyama scrambles to his feet, mutters a quick excuse and runs out of the gym, once again ignoring the voices chasing after him.
--
This is the routine his days fall into. Kageyama goes out of his way to ignore his senpais, and eventually, they stop chasing after him.
He thinks after their graduation, things might end up becoming easier.
They don’t.
His grandfather dies on a beautiful summer day, and all Kageyama feels is cold.
His grandfather dies, and the king is born among the ashes of the very last thing that kept Kageyama warm.
--
He never meant to become so demanding, so callous, so cruel. He thinks that maybe by cutting his soulmates off, he might have lost his ability to care at all.
Watching the ball he set fall to the ground, and his teammates turning their backs on him, he thinks that this might be the universe's way of punishing him for trying to stop its great plan.
He’s once again looking at an angry scowl and brown eyes full of hate. Oikawa is spitting poison straight into his heart, and Kageyama thinks he hears some kind of threat to not follow Oikawa to Aoba Johsai, but once again all he can feel is a searing pain on his shoulder where Oikawa’s hand is gripping him tightly.
He goes back home to an empty house in a daze. Looking at his shoulder, he sees purple hyacinth - Consistency, Loveliness, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, sorrow- bloom among the light purple bruises left behind by Oikawa’s grip. He chokes on a sob and curls into his blankets, desperate to fill this crushing emptiness inside him. The house is silent but for the sounds of quiet crying.
--
He tears up his acceptance to Aoba Johsai when he gets it, his mind firmly set on Karasuno as his high school of choice.
He spends the summer finding ways to fill up the lonely hours he spends on his own.
One day, he’s tossing against a wall in the park when one of his tosses soars over his head. He turns to see where it’s going, only to watch as a boy jumps in the air and spikes it down with a ferocity that shocks Kageyama. The ball bounces away, and the boy lands on his feet. He looks up at Kageyama with a fiery look in his eye. The boy is slightly taller than him, with tanned skin, dark eyes, and blond hair with black lines on either side of his head.
Kageyama approaches him warily, a little hesitant with the fierce look on the other’s face. He grabs the ball along the way, and doesn’t stop until he’s standing in front of the other boy. He takes in a deep breath to steady himself, and extends his hand, “My name’s Kageyama Tobio, and that was an incredible kill.”
The other boy looks at Kageyama’s hand as if it might try and bite him if he grabbed it. He cautiously raises his arm and grips Kageyama’s hand in a too tight grip, but Kageyama doesn’t even flinch.
“Kyoutani Kentarou,” comes the gruff response.
Letting go of Kyoutani’s hand, Kageyama shuffles his feet before he finds his voice again, “It’s nice to meet you Kyoutani-san, would you like me to set for you?”
He sees the way Kyoutani’s eyes widen at that, as if no one had ever offered to set for him before. The other boy looks away with an angry flush on his face, and a muttered, “Whatever.”
Kageyama takes that as an acceptance, and offers him the ball to toss so that Kageyama could set. The small smile on his face as Kyoutani went after every single one of Kageyama’s balls didn't leave his face all day.
--
The summer becomes decidedly less lonely with Kyoutani around. The other boy still doesn’t speak much, but it’s okay, because neither does Kageyama. They don’t need words for each other. Kageyama always reaches out to Kyoutani, making sure the other boy knows that Kageyama wants him around. Kyoutani hovers protectively around Tobio, one time snarling at another teenager who dared to whisper, “there’s the King of the Court,” around Kageyama.
They don’t need words, because Kyoutani fills up the silence with his presence, and Kageyama begins to feel warm again.
He finds out that the other boy goes to Aoba Johsai, and Kageyama is almost tempted to join him there. But he remembers what’s waiting for him there, and he knows he couldn’t stand the hatred and judgement, no matter who was by his side.
Kyoutani seems to understand, and he once quietly offers to punch Kageyama’s old teammates in the face if that would help Kageyama feel better. It’s the first time in a year that Kageyama’s laugh rings clearly out for all to hear.
--
Kageyama takes a deep breath as he stands outside of Karasuno’s gym. He can hear faint noises coming from the inside, and he clenches the hand holding his bag strap. He’s not sure what’s waiting for him on the other side, but he pushes the door open, knowing that whatever is inside is miles ahead of what he left behind.