Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Smacking his hand on the elevator button Izuku let out a small growl. Stupid fucking machinery. Haven't changed a fucking thing since the dawn of quirks. Knocking his head gently on the elevator door he sighed. It wasn't as if he had really done anything to change that either. In all his 200 years on this earth he had never exactly considered making a difference. He lived through the quirk wars for fucks sake. Sometimes you just need a break. Which is what made the situation he was in even more shitty. After 200 years of sitting on his ass living out his best immortal life as an extremely small teenager and cultivating his analysis he had decided to make a difference. 

Become a pro hero or whatever shitty name they had given themselves. Idiots all of them. The only real reason he was here was because that brat All for One had his stupid fucking rivalry with the most prestigious prick in the universe and as much as he loved the free entertainment he didn't exactly want to see his oldest friend kill Nana's successor. 

Which was coincidentally what brought him out of his apartment and onto the streets of Musutafu in search of the newest hero school. 

He was told it was called UA. He didn't really give a shit, you kind of stop listening when you have all the time in the world. However the smartest being on the planet was headmaster there and like hell if he was gonna pass up the chance to meet him. And maybe beat some sense into the airhead that decided teaching was a good way to find a successor. Like bitch favouritism much? If I've learned literally anything from seeing you all these years it's that you're gonna just abandon all the other little shits you're supposed to be teaching in favour of your precious quirk holder. At least I have a fucking teachers license.

Humming a song from the pre-quirk era (if he's not gonna remember them who is?) he made his way to the steps of UA. 

Where he was stopped. By a fucking wall of all things. Becuase after 200 years on this earth the one barrier that stood in the way of the first real goal he had in decades happened to be a fucking wall. Becuase of course it was. Taking a deep breath and fighting the urge to just give up he raised his arm and knocked. Nothing happened. Ok, were not going home this early, we have to meet Nedzu. He's a genius he can probably see me. Huh, I wonder what he thinks of what looks like a 16 year old child knocking on his impenetrable wall. 

He pulled at the corner of his shirt that extremely appropriately said 'school uniform'. In all his 200 years on this earth he had decided that this, was absolutely the peak of comedy. But regardless he was now locked out of UA, didn't have an audience with the rat, and was thoroughly pissed off. But he couldn't give up. He knew if he didn't find the motivation now he'd never do it. 

So he tipped his head to the sky and screamed what he thought would hopefully work. "NEDZU LET ME IN RIGHT THIS MOMENT YOU LITTLE SHIT. I KNOW ABOUT ALL FOR ONE. I KNOW ABOUT ALL MIGHT'S QUIRK. I JUST WANNA TALK." He paused panting slightly. Holy shit does my throat ache. Haven't raised my voice in what? 20 years? Damn that hurts. How does that voice hero do it?  Wait someone could have heard that. He turned slightly red with embarrasment. Being immortal does not infact exclude you from the mortal feeling of embarrassment.

He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of the gate opening. Grinning feraly to himself he stepped over the threshold. Watch out UA. I'm here to fuck up your lives.  

Chapter Text

Nedzu always loved a challenge, a puzzle, a new game to play. He loved the feeling a worthy opponent gave him. Lived for the feeling when he dangled victory over thier nose and won. So imagine his surprise when a poorly dressed teenager came strutting up to his gates like he owned the place, spouting off information he shouldn't know and demanding an audience. 

Nedzu knew he should be more cautious, he should realistically have the boy arrested. But the thought of a rival he could keep around till he crushed, well let's just say it intrigued him. And so he let the boy in, opened the gates to this stranger and waited for him to make the next move. And by God did he love the sadistic smile on the boys face as his crossed into the territory of the smartest being alive. Oh yes, this was going to be fun. 

_____________

Was Izuku lost? No. Surely not, he could never be lost if he didn't have a destination. Like yes he was looking for Nedzu but he wasn't looking for Nedzu in a specific place. Therefore he couldn't possibly be lost. 

In his opinion the layout of the school felt a little... excessive. He knew the school was rich. Very, very rich. The fuckers are loaded. But like, could they maybe not? It was practically a labyrinth and his immortal brain was not built to navigate it. For fucks sake UA was just a cross between a school and a militant training camp, why did they need such an elaborate layout. 

Unfortunately for him, he was not invested in UA around the time of its construction, he was probably off travelling the world or showing up to meet the descendants of old friends and scaring them shitless with pictures of them and thier dead relatives. And as such he had no say in the layout of the building. A real shame honestly. Which is what lead him to where he was now, aimlessly wandering the corridors of the maze he was essentially trapped in. His patience was dwindling and he was losing his motivation to meet the principal. Like was this probably his only chance to meet the principal and get a job? Yes, yes it was. Did he give a fuck? No, no he did not.

So he walked up to a random classroom and threw open the door. There infront of him, stood what he assumed to be a yellow human caterpillar which was slowly shedding it's skin to face him. 

"Oh sweet, I'm taking this thanks." He swiped what he had now identified as a neon yellow sleeping bag from the floor near the stunned teacher and proceeded to roll himself up in it and settle down on the floor. He was vaugely aware that he was disturbing this guy's class but 200 years of being able to nap when he wanted meant he was prone to getting tired at random times. Ignoring the states of 20 or so hero students, he proceeded to close his eyes and drift off to sleep. Cuz honestly, who needs to accomplish your goals when you can sleep on the floor. 

Chapter Text

So apparently stealing the prized possession of a pissed off teacher in the middle of his class was not an amazing idea. Izuku soon came to realise this as he was hung upside down in whatever scarf thing tired dude had around his neck and just dangled in the air like a spider by one leg that you're not quite sure is dead but still wanna get out of your house. 

Is that scarf his quirk? His hair is floating as well so it may be a telekinetic quirk, but then again he has those odd glasses on his head meaning it probably has something to do with his eyes. The scarf may just be a piece of support gear but if so what's his quirk? It's obviously in use right now but it doesn't seem to be affecting me or anything around me. But then again it could be a subtle quirk or intruder alarm. Wait why in the fuck is a teacher using his quirk, I thought only heroes can use thier quirks. And why the fuck does he have support gear. Oh. Oh holy fuck he's a pro hero what's he doing teaching at a school???

"Please for the love of God tell me you have a teaching licence." 

He blinked, his hair drooping for a second then floating back up. "What."

"Oh nothing. I'm just asking why in the fuck is a pro hero teaching in a high school. This class obviously does not look like a fighting class, I just want to know if society has really gone to shit enough to allow a traumatised professional fighter teach kids the alphabet and shit." He laughed. "Becuase of course in the last 200 years everything did really have to go to shit. So tell me mister sleeping bag, do you have a teaching licence."

He just stared at Izuku in disbelief before dropping him on the floor and releasing whatever his quirk was. His scarf moved back to settle over his shoulders. Oh yea, so that's not his quirk since he just released whatever his was. 

"Go back to class kid, and get changed into the proper uniform. You cannot go around wearing a shirt that says school uniform. I have the power to expel you remember."

Does... does he think I'm a student??? Did he just wrap a what he thought to be a student up in his death scarf then drop me on the fucking floor. Holy shit this school needs more help than I initially thought. 

Backing away to the door he clutched the sleeping bag closer around him and gave Aizawa the evil eye as he exited the classroom. "You never said if you had a licence or not. And listen up child. You better respect your fucking elders next time. There's a good chance I fought with your ancestors in the quirk wars, gimme some fucking respect." 

Sticking out his tounge he made the I'm watching you gesture then ducked back out into the hallway. And he interrupted my fucking nap. The audacity of this child. I'm gonna find the medi-bay, at least there I can sleep. He set off in a random direction, determined to find a good place to sleep, his pettiness overriding his goal of finding the rat principal.

______________

Nedzu was, for lack of a better word, concerned. His newest rival had just... tried to sleep. He didn't even look like he was trying to find him. He just looked tired. He watched the security cameras closely as he backed out of the classroom and set off determined. 

"That is very much the wrong direction but I'm glad to see you're motivation back. Now human, come find me." He sat back in his chair and cackled sadistically, blissfully unaware that Izuku had abandoned thier meeting in favour of a nap. 

Chapter Text

Apparently finding the medi-bay was easier said than done. Becuase the lunch bell had just rung, he still hadn't found it and was currently in the process of being trampled by a stampede of small uniformed humans. This wouldn't have been exactly a problem if there was a set direction they were heading in. But nooooo they had to go in every which direction like the animals they were.

Which is what led Izuku to his current position, crawling through a vent be because death by flimsy metal was much preferable to death by teenager. At least he had escaped them. Or so he thought. 

"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my vent." 

He turned to see the form of a purple haired child with eyebags to rival mister sleeping bag and an expression that said really? Right infront of my salad? Ah I see, a kindred spirit. We perpetually tired vent gremlins have to stick together. He smiled at his newly discovered title of vent gremlin. Yes. Yes that suits me very much thank you.

"Hey, I'm Izuku, I'm 200 and something and I never fucking learned how to read."

"What." His expression shifted a little to change to that of tired confusion. 

Fuck he doesn't know vine. I thought I found a new friend. 

"So kid what's your name?"

His sleepy blink reminded Izuku of a cat. "Shinsou Hitoshi. I for one am literate. And don't call me kid you're not even 3 years older than me."

"And that's where you're wrong Hi-chan. I'm immortal." He would've spread his arms dramatically but as it was, he was stuck in a vent. The utterly unimpressed look on Shinsou's face should have deterred him but instead he just got more curious. 

"Wonderful, now what are you doing in my vent."

"Well I was looking for a place to sleep-"

"You can't sleep in m vents, you'll block up the passageways."

Ooh sassy. I like this child. Perhaps we can be friends, his decedents will be fun to tease. I can see it. 'hello new Shinsous. Did you know me and your great grandpa met in a vent. Ah yes the good old days.'

"So anyway, I was looking for a place to sleep, preferably the medi-bay, when a group of overzealous teens decided to trample the elderly and I took refuge in this fine metal death trap here."

Shinsou just shrugged. "Acceptable." Then shimmied backwards down him passageway leaving Izuku, alone and lost in the network of vents. Wow. Oh wow. He really just abandoned me didn't he. How fucking rude, kids have no respect these days. But like also I'd do the same. If he's just gone does that mean I can just sleep here. Ya know what that's a good idea, I'll just sleep in the vent. He pulled tired catepillar's sleeping bag up over his head and curled up as much as he could. So this in uncomfy as fuck and I'm probably gonna break my back but like, whatevs it's a nap.

Chapter Text

His vent nap was ever so rudely interrupted by Shinsou stabbing him in the eyes with his stupidly sharp fingernails. "Hi-chan what the fuck. I decide to grace these God forsaken passages of death with my immortal presence and this is the thanks I get. Appalling." 

The absolutely tired 'I don't give a shit' expression on his face reminded Izuku of himself back in the quirk wars when he would walk into government buildings and just dare them to shoot him. See how much damage they could do to the immortal head of the revolution. Spoiler alert it was none.

"Get out of my vents Midoriya-san. Schools over. You haven't moved in 3 hours."

"First off Izuku is fine. I'm too old for manners. Second off why exactly are you still here if school's over? And third off why did you have to wake me? I was in the middle of a very pleasant lack of dream. It was quiet."

Shinou just shrugged as best as he could in the small space. "I woke you cause you have to leave and correct me if I'm wrong, you're not supposed to be here."

"Oh you're absolutely correct but please, continue." 

"I'm here cause of my quirk. Because of it I'm gonna need every leg up I can get." He said the words like they tasted bitter. His expression looked like he just ate mouldy butter but couldn't throw it back up so he's just stuck here suffering. "My dads don't mind me existing as the local cryptid as long as I don't cause to much chaos so I'm allowed to stay here."

Well thanks for the information dump I guess. To be fair I did ask for it. Ooh I wonder what his quirk is. He lacks finger pads so it's likely not touch activated. No obvious mutations as far as I can tell. Perhaps an emitter or transformation quirk. His tone implies he dislikes it, perhaps a useless or hard to control quirk. Perhaps it has something to do with his obvious lack of sleep. He knew he was muttering, he never did bother to curb that habit. His fingers itched for a pen and his notebook in his pocket. As it was his arms were stuck infront of his head unable to properly retract themselves past his hips. 

"You're right it's not touch activated or a mutation. And yes I despise it, it's a villains quirk."

... What did he mean by that. The government decreed all people with quirks not employed by them villains. Them sent the 'heroes' employed by them after the newly dubbed 'villains'.

"Ok what has your lack of employment got to do with how your quirk works?"

The confusion radiating from Shinsou was so strong Izuku felt he could bite it and find something solid. "I don't understand."

"Well you don't work for the government yet so you're a villain right. All that tells me is your quirk isn't flashy." 

"Holdup, holdup. I think we both have different versions of what a villain is."

Izuku's mouth set into a small o shape. "Shit I forgot that definition changed over time. What does a villain mean now?"

"How do you not- ya know what that's none of my business. A villains a criminal who uses thier quirk to commit crimes and fight heroes or something."

"Ohhhh so you're a criminal."

"NO!" The defiant tone in which he replied led Izuku to guess he had some sort of trauma connected with it. Whatever, not his business. "I'm not a villain. It's just my quirk. It can be used for villainy."

The mental hoops Izuku was having to jump through to understand what he meant took more effort than any of the hundreds of college courses he had taken over the decades. In short he didn't understand shit and couldn't be bothered to try. "I don't get what you mean kid. Every quirk can be used for villainy, heck mine literally means I can never age or die no matter what and I still hold S+ ranked villain status cuz I led a huge rebellion two centuries ago with my partner. And won mind you. Villains aren't even that bad. At least not the ones I know. So please rephrase this for me Hi-chan cuz I didn't understand jack shit." 

"I can brainswash people who respond to me."

"Oh pog. Guess you don't ever have to worry about property damage. Still you're pretty much a string bean. How the fuck are you gonna win against a mute bitch. Or someone who knows not to respond. Jeez kid you should bulk up or the wind itself will knock you over." Oh shit are those tears in his eyes. Did I just make this smol child cry. Fuck I didn't mean to do that. Great Izuku, your attempts to keep up with the youth have been in vain, you just make kids cry. Back in my generation everyone was depressed and used sparkle emojis to joke about thier trauma. How does the new generation do thier emotion.

"That's your response? You don't hate me for having a villainous quirk?" 

"Hi-chan you just said you're not a villain. I'm not following your logic." 

"Thank you." The smol purple insomniac reached forward and hugged Izuku burying his head in Izuku's chest. Wow, right on my non existent tits. Is this what having children feels like? I'm still confused, is he a villain or not? Wait how do I get him off me. HOW DO I GET HIM OFF ME FUCK. 

_______________

Nedzu wasn't dissapointed he really wasn't. Looking into the boy he had found named Midoriya Izuku had found some quite interesting results. He was apparently a child genius, had 40 bachelor's degrees and no masters with the only reasoning being he got bored. His files claimed him to be a non hostile undetainable S+ rank villain whose capture was permanently put on hold because it wasted to much resources on what was ultimately useless. Quirk details unknown but classified as 'mutation type: immortality'. And he was a genius, there was no doubt about it.

But he was just... obstance. Abandoning his goals as soon as he got distracted. Perpetually tired force of chaos. Nedzu wished to engage him in a fierce battle of wits and intellect. Midoriya just wanted to sleep. How Nedzu would love to take him on as a personal student. Or maybe an employee. He did have a teaching license after all. And who better to learn heroics from than an experienced villain. 

Oh yes, oh yes this will be fun.

Manical laugher scared Aizawa shitless as he rounded the corner towards Nedzu's office. Possible intruder problem child be damned he didn't want to deal with the sadistic mammal. Besides it was probably nothing. Probably... 

Chapter Text

Contrary to popular belief Izuku actually possessed an acceptable level of common sense. Which ultimately culminated in 'well I'm lost so I'll get the smol child that's mine now to lead me to the staff room'. Said smol child had since stopped crying and was thoroughly embarrassed which was honestly an upgrade from grateful sobbing. Pausing infront of the doors he took a deep breath, not to ground himself but to prepare his lungs. Then with enough force to rival Golden Freddie on trigger he smashed open the door, startling it's inhabitants.

"THIS!" He paused for dramatic effect. (And also to breathe but mostly for dramatic effect) "IS MY BABY. AND AIN'T NOBODY FINNA TOUCH HIM." He was met with dead silence. Tik tok had died within the last 200 years since his childhood and it really was a tragedy. He would forever mourn the loss of the god forsaken clock app. 

"That is our son. Give him back, or suffer." His eyes flicked over the the speaker. It was insomniac catepillar and a cockatoo furry. Oh and he still had said insomniac catepillar's sleeping bag. So now he looked more like a homeless man high out of his mind but Izuku looked like a baby faced 16 year old, complete with the mind of one, who was he to judge? 

"Bold of you to assume I'm not already suffering but go off I guess. Anyway the child is mine now and I was here for a reason anyway so where the fuck is the rat genius." 

"Right here." Because of course the most sadistic smartest mammal on earth would have a swivel chair. Dramatic, I like him already.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance kid. I'm here for a teaching position. And unlike the majority of the heroes here, I actually have a teaching license." 

Nedzu leant forwards, resting his elbows on his stubby legs. "And what exactly could you offer to the staff and school as a whole." 

This is the most fun I've had at an interview in like, ever. It's like playing chess but with brains and I've already won. But he's not fighting against me, simply testing my ability to play. "Why don't you ask my files Nedzu. I know you have them. We're both certified geniuses. You through the power of your quirk and me, a mix of what I was born with and the abilities I've cultivated over the last 200 years spent MIA. There has never been a better skilled quirk expert in the history of the world. I could help your kids so much.

And what about history. I was there for the quirk wars. I with my partner All for One led the rebellion against the government and got quirked individuals our rights. Who better to teach it than someone who was there. 

Science, math, languages, any field of each, you name it I've got a degree in it. And hero studies, sure I couldn't help with the ethical parts of being a hero but who better to teach fighting tactics than a supervillain. Who better to teach about villain psychology than a supervillain. Who better to spar off against than someone who can never die. I'm a good teacher for almost any subject and you get to keep an eye on me. The hero commision loves to monitor me oh so much." He paused leaning backwards and hooking his thumbs into his jean pockets. 

"Besides, you already love having me here don't you? I'm sure there are many things you want from me Nedzu. You let me interrupt classes and walk around as I pleased. You let someone with extremely sensitive information into your school and didn't even send out anyone to intercept me. You waited patiently 3 hours for me to show up." A snarl like grin was creeping up his features and he made no effort to stop it. "You want this as bad as I do. You would grovel at your feet before you let this opportunity get away from you." Flicking his hair out of his face he let his expression take whatever form it desired. And if it scared the heroes well then they had no backbone. "So what'd'ya say. Allies."

The rat bastard looked him up and down before settling on his eyes again. "I would like nothing more in the world. Now, would you be interested in a spot of tea?"

The smiles that graced the both of thier faces were nothing short of feral. "Oh absolutely."

Unnoticed by anyone in the staffroom a small purple insomniac crawled into a ceiling vent and flopped out of there as fast as he could. The day Nedzu found an equal would be the day the world burned and he would rather watch the chaos from a distance.

Chapter Text

Izuku Midoriya wasn't certain on many things in life and he was ok with that. Some things just needed to fade into obscurity for the good of the world. Nedzu's tea blend was not one of these things and his refusal to share the recipe had to be illegal. "What'd'ya mean no."

"I mean no." 

"This is homophobic. This is homophobic I'm calling it now. I'm gay, you won't give me the tea blend, boom, homophobic. Go to horny jail or something you fucking tea simp. Keeping this recipe from me how very dare you. I haven't felt this alive since monsters were still around. And now that I can no longer consume pure caffeine in a pretty can you are legally required to give me the tea recipe."

"What if it contains human entrails."

"Mmmm, cannibalism, tasty."

"You humans intrigue me. Is your attitude unique to yourself or simply a historical thing?"

"I'm a part of Gen Z rat man. This is just how we were. Our personalities consisted of three key traits, stressed depressed and ready for chaos and/or arson. Also I think I've been alive about a century to long to be considered human. Can I legally change my status to god? I mean while right now I can't I could be able to but it would depend on the religion and I might need to create my own oh wait, I would just be the god of a no longer worshipped religion, Intoxication the god of intelligence and battle plans with my other three gods, Ink and All for One, the gods of power and Fury, the god of war. Worshipped by almost the entire quirked population of 200 years ago the rebellion counts as a cult right? Therefore I am one of the cults gods and can legally register as such. As a witness to the worship I was subjected to I can attest in a court of law as a present witness with no reliable historical evidence to contradict my claims. Congratulations Nedzu, you're witnessing the rebirth of an ancient diety."

Nedzu chuckled his smile forced into one more acceptable to human society. That annoyed Izuku. He would rather see the sadistic animalistic grin that belonged on his inhuman face. "I would hardly consider two centuries ancient. However as interesting as our current conversation is we are here to discuss the terms of your employment and the legal measures nessesary to employ a high risk villain."

"They can't stop me, the hero commison has put up with enough of my bullshit to bother fighting against it. If they make it to difficult for you they know I will retaliate. I break in and out of Tartarus on a monthly basis, they can't do shit." He swung around in his swivel chair, letting his fingers tap against Nedzu's desk every few rotations. His legs were booked around the chair back and he lay flat on the seat part, his torso short enough to fit because he'd let go of his quirk and perish before he was caught dead sitting properly. "You really shouldn't have a problem."

Nedzu nodded, although it was hard to see with the insistent rotations and dizziness. "And pray tell, what subjects would you like to teach."

Izuku reached out to grab onto the desk and stop the spins. "Surprise me. Overwork me to the bone, give me the hardest asses you can I don't care. A challenge is always fun, and making it up on the spot always did lead to the best lessons. It's all up to you kid. What brats do you want to curse my immortal soul with?" 

Nedzu let go of the humanoid grin in favour of his previous natural one. Yes, yes this is the choas I like to see on my allies faces. Oh this is gonna be so much fun. "The new school year is about to start, why don't I give you the newest hero students from all across the departments. I'm sure you'll find the challenge to your liking."

"Can't wait Nedzu. Oh this sounds absolutely perfect."

If a freezing chill ran over the pro hero teachers listening into the conversation well that was no-ones business but thier own. And the words carried back to a small purple insomniac cackling in the vents well no-one has to know. 

Chapter Text

About two months, 18 vent events, four arrests and one legal mess that ended in him officially becoming an ancient god later Izuku sat idly on the teachers podium thing he was supposed to use and watched as the class filtered in. Nedzu had chucked a schedule at his head and told him to follow it so who was he to argue. He wasn't exactly sure what class this was or what subject he was supposed to be teaching, infact he was pretty sure there was an orientation going on right now, but whoever these kids were he was gonna make some new friends so he could torment thier descendants. See I can think ahead. Maybe a little bit too far ahead but still thinking ahead.

Eyeing the kids who filed in they all seemed to be around Shinsou's age. Wonderful, I have a class full of teenagers, fun. The fact that he had taken a job in a high school hadn't really caught up to him until now. Is it too late to quit? Wait no I'm doing this for a reason. I'm not gonna sit on my ass until the end of time, it's time to make a difference. 

"Get off that desk now!"

Oh, oh that's a child. Wow he looks angry. Who stomped in his syrup? "Wut." Wow, real eloquent, very teacheressque Izuku, great job. 

"It's the first day and you're already disrespecting this academy by scuffing school property. That, uh... Podium thingy belongs to the teacher, you are making a mockery of the school."

"I'm sorry small blue glasses child but I don't know what the fuck you're going on about."

"Please refrain from using that sort of language in the classroom. I appolgise if my wording was unclear, I simply wish for you to get off that, ... Podium thingy."

"Uh huh. And why exactly?"

"It is both against the rules and highly disrespectful, the teacher would not approve. Also you are not in uniform so please fix that immediately." 

"Why would I need to be in uniform kid? I'm the teacher I can wear what I want, change the rules as I want and sit where I want." Blue glasses child's face turned red as he started to splutter out an answer. "It's ok, take your time, it's easier to talk if you breathe ya know." 

"I'm sorry but you're what?" He finally wheezed. 

"Ah right I should probably introduce myself. HUMAN STUDENTS IN THIS ROOM LISTEN UP." He hopped off the podium thing to turn the the students who had fallen silent. "Wonderful, that was mildly painful but I haven't gotten used to yelling again I never exactly needed to raise my voice in Tartarus so whatevs. Anyway, hello my new students. It's a pleasure to meet you." He dropped into a half bow, eyes scanning the class whose attention he had captured. 

"My name is Izuku Midoriya but you might know me as Intoxication." A black haired girl with a high ponytail let put a soft gasp. He straightened up and put on his most 'passive agressive scary face'. "I am an immortal S+ rank villain, a genius strategist and quirk analyst, co-leader of the quirked population of 200 years ago with my partner Ink, co-leader of the revolution that started the quirk wars with my partners All for One, Ink and Fury, legally a god and your new teacher." He dropped again into his bow. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

In the vents in the top corner of the classroom a small purple child cackled.

The class erupted into chaos.

Chapter Text

The fact that a room of wanna be heroes started yelling and running around when Izuku introduced himself as a villain was both dissapointing and hilarious. The fact that he was able to successfully climb the podium and attach himself to the ceiling beams without anyone noticing was downright dissapointing. 

He noticed blue glasses boy get up on a desk and start yelling for order that they all need to be calm during a villain attack. Did they all just miss the part where I said I was thier teacher? Or did they just all hear villain and assume I'm gonna attack. I thought things had changed since the dawn of quirks but apparently not. I mean they all have quirks too and this is a hero school so I guess that makes me the enemy. Huh weird. 

He drew his legs in and crawled to the edge of the beam to watch the subsiding chaos below. Blue glasses kid had managed to get most of the class under control which yes, impressive, but also the chaos was fun. "Everybody sit down. Intoxication has left the premises there is no need for concern. We must alert the staff to his presence then evacuate the school in an orderly fashion."

A short purple girl with earphone jacks pointed straight at him. "On the contrary he's right there. And none of you even listened. He said he's the teacher and his heartbeats steady. He's probably telling the truth." She shrugged. "That or he's an idiot cuz he just admited to a room of hero students to being a villain." Murmurs of agreement rippled through the room.

Oh so she could hear my heartbeat. With the earphone jacks on her ears I don't think it's limited to just heartbeats. Enhanced hearing perhaps? No she would be wearing noise cancelling headphones if it was simply that. The earphone jacks also seem to be moving. Control over them and specific sound input then? I wonder if she could take that and amplify sounds as well. Sound itself is just vibrations felt by hairs in our ears. If she could hypothetically amplify sound could she concentrate that to create earthquakes? Would that hurt her becuase of the noise level? If it's simply enhanced hearing what's her range. Could she act as a human lie detector. Can she attack with the earphone jacks? What are her control over them. Fuck I want my notebooks, wait no I can do this later right now I need to teach this class.

Crouching further he paused for a moment then hopped off the beam and straight onto a student's desk. Something cracked under him and it most certainly was not his feet. "Wow this desk's built like a bitch." He had golden hair with a black lighting bolt, too perfectly in line to be dyed considering the mess he was. "Electric user right? Great I'm calling you sparky." Jumping off the newly dubbed sparky's desk he stood facing the class. 

"While I was so rudely interrupted before I don't exactly feel like explaining everything again. Luckily for you I can't always have what I want. So hello hero students, I'm Michael with a b and I'm terrified if insects."

"Where's the fucking b shorty." Huh, that child looks like a Pomeranian. 

"ThEReS a BeE?" Sparky, a boy with red hair who just gave off pet rocks I had when I was seven but make it human vibes and a pink girl with horns laughed. "Wow only three out of what, 20. This is a dissapointment. When I get history duty fuck the important dude's I'm introducing y'all to vine." The lack of reaction was frankly dissapointing. "Moving on welcome hero students to U.A. ready to be taught heroics by one of the world's most wanted villains?"

He winked at the face pressed against the vent at the top of the classroom. If Hi-chan wanted to keep his identity a secret then who was he to judge. Plus he was a whole ass mood and even a renowned villain such as himself would never do something as villainous as disturb the vibe.

Chapter Text

Was engaging his newest class of wanna be heroes in a school wide game of hide and seek a good idea? Maybe. Izuku couldn't really bring himself to regret his decision. Even if he had lost practically all his class. He had named emo lesbian the seeker after finding her quirk applied to all sounds not just heartbeats and sent her into the abyss to find his other students. They were instructed specifically to find ways to both disguise thier appearance and noise. It was the perfect way to asses thier stealth capabilities. 

20 minutes later with 3 quarters of the class back in the room looking sheepish he couldn't help but internally groan at all the work he had cut out for him. 

Sticking his head out in the hallway he saw emo lesbian escorting a boy with a tail back to the classroom. "Hey you can come back inside now, I wanna take note of everyone who hasn't been found before you set out again. Also good job you're fucking amazing. You've found like 15 students in twenty minutes in a school as big and noisy as UA, good job." She grinned at the praise. 

Everyone back inside the classroom he opened his roll to see who he was missing. Five unfound students, impressive. He read the first name and grinned. Shinsou Hitoshi. He knew for a fact Shinsou had scrambled away through his vents at the first chance and was hanging around the roof of Present Mics class. By far the noisiest place in school to combat emo lesbians hearing. Smart. Smart as fuck. 

Next name. Sero Hanta. Tape elbow boy. Wonder if he taped himself to a ceiling? I get the feeling he did. Maybe high enough to stay out of emo lesbians range. That would smart of him perhaps in the orientation hall? I know they have some sort of first year assembly going on now, tho it's probably pointless we don't need to go. 

Next. Tsuyu Asui. Frog girl. Huh probably did something similar to elbows. Her quirks honestly so cool she could probably stick really well to high surfaces. Wonder if she paired up with Sero? If she did good on her for teamwork. 

Next. Toru Hakegure. Invisibitch. Her, he knew for a fact was hiding in the boiler room to use the noise to mask her own. She had probably discarded her clothes somewhere for complete invisibility and he was gonna need to talk to a support company about getting her some invisible clothes for fucks sake. She probably chose the boiler room cuz it would be warm for her with no clothes. 

And finally Mezo Shouji. Of anything he had sent of the boy's quirk was accurate he could probably create extra ears for possibly better hearing than emo lesbians. If he could use that to evade her then he was all set to pass.

Turning back to emo lesbian (he really should try to remember her name) he grinned. "All set up. Now let's see how many more you can catch before the bell goes. And just a hint. The smart ones know how to hide themselves where they won't be heard. Now go my child. Go bring them hell."

Her smile was soft yet sadistic. The type of smile he lived to see on others faces. "Oh don't worry Intoxication-sensei, I've always been the best seeker." YES YES YES. THIS ONE. I LIKE THIS CHILD. She would totally vibe with purple insomniac. That's it she's mine I'm adopting her.  

A blonde electric boy in the back of the class silently thanked every god he'd ever heard of he was Jirou's friend. Cuz honestly if he wasn't he might've just shit himself in fear. That was a smile he knew all to well. And for once he was thankful to be one of the first caught. 

Chapter Text

Izuku had almost reclaimed his rest spot on the floor with a spiritual cocoon of blankets to comfort him when one of his newest childs decided addressing him would be a good idea. "Um Intoxication-sensei." Oh it was pony tail girl. She gave off I'm cool, calm and collected, nothing can ever get in my way vibes whole still reeking of inferiority. It was kinda impressive. She also looked like she was rich and while Izuku could basically take whatever he wanted when he wanted, it was always good to have influential friends. 

"What is it pony tail?" I should probably start learning names I don't know jack shit around here. He peeled himself off the floor abandoning his spiritual cocoon in favour of being a responsible non adult teacher figure. 

"What was the purpose of this exercise?" She fiddled nervously with her fingers although her expression remained firm. It was wierd, like a mix of good cop plus bad cop plus oh god criminal please don't kill me vibes. Which, to be fair, he had introduced himself as a villain. They probably weren't all up to welcome him with hugs, if anything he heard from purple insomniac (he knew Shinsou's name his just liked this better) was true villains were just as hated nowadays as in the past, albeit for different reasons. 

"Well first off I didn't wanna use your quirks becuase I'm willing to bet half of y'all can't control them and I know jack shit about them so I can't help right now." She nodded hesitantly along with his explanation. "Combat not including kicking someone in the balls or tits and fighting dirty isn't really something I can teach. You're all hero students, if I tried to teach y'all about how to take advantage of your opponent and hurt them right away no-one would listen no matter what I said." She's still paying attention? Good. I've got like half the class listening in now. "I wanted an exercise where there are no heroes or villains, just a simple way to asses your problem solving, adaptability to scenarios where you have very little time to plan and overall stealth capabilities."

"Hah. That's stupid." He turned to meet the eyes of an angry blonde Pomeranian starring into his soul and felt his breathe hitch. Fury. He looks exactly like Fury. 

"Is your family name by any chance Bakugou?" The Fury lookalike glared at him then 'tchs' and nodded his head. "Back in the time of the quirk wars I had a friend, a best friend infact. My other partner in crime, fellow quirked individual." He smiled softly at the memory. "His name was Katsuki Bakugou, villain name Fury."

"Are you saying I'm a fucking villain dickhead?"

Oh gods he's just like Fury I wanna hug him so bad and also yeet him out the window. "Nope, I'm saying your ancestor helped me start a revolution to overthrow the government as what was basically a cult of quirked individuals. Oh and we win too. He was pretty fucking powerful too."

The Pomeranian glared at him for a moment before turning his attention on his desk. "Katsuki's my name too. Guess I'm named after so old fucker."

He grinned. Oh how he missed this abrasive attitude. "He was the best old fuck you could ever look for."

"No duh he's related to me."

Izuku was about to respond when a completely pink girl stood up and started waving for his attention. "Yes what is it Alien Queen."

She gasped then grinned. "Oh my gods I've literally wanted that to be my hero name like forever. Anyway you're our teacher right? And you're a villain. Does that mean we can ask you about what sort of crimes you've committed."

"Oh absolutely you can." I like this child, she radiates chaos and I am all for it. 

"Well then what's the best crime in your opinion that you committed."

Oh this wasn't even a contest. "Well that is a story in itself my child and luckily we have plenty of time. So who here wants to hear about the time I fought through the entire American military and the Whitehouse to bitch slap Donald Trump?"

The resounding cheers from Sparky restored his faith in humanity. Maybe, just maybe, he could teach these kids the ways of the stressed, depressed and gay.

Chapter Text

Izuku grinned, sitting in the floor with his students around him in a circle. Sparky looked like he wanted to burst with excitement and blue glasses child looked a second away from exploding and yelling at them to get off the floor. So far Emo lesbian hadn't found any others so he was left with the remainder of the class's for the story of his journey of vengeance.

"So." All chatter died down instantly. "When telling a good story you all must begin somewhere near the middle. It adds extra drama. And I love the drama. But I'm also tired as fuck so let's just start at the beginning." He stretched his legs out infront of him and learnt back against the teacher podium thingy. 

"It was the year of 2019, what month? I do not know. By that time I had already achieved villain status and therefore banned from basically everything. Also I don't have a passport. Avoid them like the plauge I'll get in depth in in like 4 minutes. Anyway the photos are horrible. And since my quest was located in America and I was stuck in Japan what could I do?" He paused to grin at thier eager faces. "I walked of course."

Sparky burst into laughter clinging onto Alien Queen for balance while she too threatened to topple from her perch above the rest on a desk. 

"What'd'ya mean you walked shithead. That's across an entire fucking ocean." Pomeranian Fury's lookalikes words were yelled louder than the giggles of his class quieting everyone down more effectively than blue glasses child could ever dream off. 

"Well you see that's the thing with being immortal. My quirk just doesn't let me die. If I get stabbed my body will just reject the knife, push it out and close the hole like nothing was there instantly. I drink poison? No I didn't it never reached my lips. I drowned? Absolutely not I bent the laws of physics to allow a path of air through the water straight to my lungs and when that took too much effort I grew gills." He pushed away his curls and smoothed down his 'curtain', again the absolute hight of comedy, shirt to show off the gills that never faded from his neck. 

"Now you see this journey was one many could never dream to achieve. I myself always had an interesting mix of insomnia and narcolepsy so dreams never exactly meant anything to me. So with all the time in the world on my hands I decided fuck it this works."

The peals of laughter from half his class gave him slightly more hope for the future of humanity. Maybe not all hope was lost. Maybe he could use his amazing god status to restore the memers now dead with age. 

"Anyway I was about three quarters way across when suddenly a plauge struck the world. The beer plauge, it will forever be associated with corona beer in my head."

"Um Sensei?" Oh it's rich girl who needs a confidence boost. 

"Yes child, speak and I shall impart my divine wisdom upon you." 

A small smile reached her lips which she quickly forced away. Interesting "Do you mean the 2020 plauge covid 19?"

He shuddered. "Do not speak the name of the great plauge, many lives it robbed from us, many hours spent in solitude." 

"Oh no no no I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you I apologize for not asking first."

"Chill I'm just joking. Anyway where was I up to again? Ah yes plauge struck so the entire world shut down, breathing became illegal and suburban mom's started wars over toilet paper. Toilet paper became the new gold, people were hoarding it, getting up at 6 to buy it all before anyone else could get to the supermarket." Cackles were heard throughout the room. "No I'm completely serious. The fact that that's left out of history textbooks is just ridiculous that was a very important marker of the turn the world was about to make. Why it was left out I do not know but honestly it should be illegal."

"Get on with it fucker we haven't got all day."

"No Pomeranian I've got till the end of time itself."

"THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

"Anyway moving on plauge struck the world and we were forced into lockdown. Introverts thrived, no-one was getting anything done and Redditors took over the stock market, the bitch I was travelling to slap lost the presidency, a very important movement against racism called black lives matter arose and Minecraft YouTube took over the internet. And I personally? I sat under the sea for a good year becuase only frat boys and homophobes don't do their quarantine. Remember kids, don't do drugs, do quarantine." 

"Anyway quarantine over I walked the rest of the way across the ocean to America where I was given the warmest of welcomes by the open fire of the American military." He let a cold grin seep onto his face. "Guess what happened next."

Across the school shivers were sent down the spines of everyone who possessed one, those who didn't having the feeling someone was dancing on thier nonexistent grave. 

Chapter Text

Oh wow they actually genuinely took that as a serious question. Izuku looked around amused and all the students with thier hands up. Not the reaction he was expecting but a fun one none the less. "Ok Sparky, what'd'ya think?"

Sparky grinned as small bits of electricity danced across his skin. "I bet you dissapeared back into the ocean then sneak attacked them from behind." He nodded along with the boys words. 

"Smart but not quite. I didn't want them to start shooting into the ocean and cause more pollution than they already were and I'd already lost the element of surprise as shown by thier lovely welcome. Next Alien Queen."

The pink skinned girl swung her legs excitedly. "I bet you just walked through them like they weren't even there and just completely disregarded them. Like they weren't even bothering you."

"Oh yes I bet he did that too, if I wasn't broke my money's on that." Sparky added. 

"Absolute mood and that would've been an amazing power move but no, unfortunately not. What'd'ya think green girl." He pointed at a girl who appeared to have some type of frog type mutation quirk. She was one of the ones Emo lesbian found first after he sent her out again along with tape elbow boy, they had both taped themselves to the ceiling of the auditorium above Nedzu's assembly which while smart did lead to half the student body noticing them and pointing it out becuase honestly the ceiling was more interesting than whatever nonsense the rat genius was spouting. Anyway frog girl. She looks so cool I wonder if she mimicks the movements of a front. Is she an amphibian? Does she have the frog tounge? She obviously has the facial structure. How does her brain compare to that of an amphibian? What species of frog is her quirk specifically based on?

"Just call me Tsu it's easier." A hundred years ago he would've stuttered out his embarrasment and told her he couldn't possibly. As of now he had decided manners could go fuck themselves in the ass with a rusty fork and if she wanted to be called Tsu then fuck it that was her name. "I think once they realised they couldn't hurt you they tried to negotiate with you. Kero." Aww the noise is so cute. I wonder if it's involuntary. Does she mimick any other frog like noises? If not why this one specifically? 

"Dude I wish. Would've made it so much easier. But no they did not, any other guesses?" Rich girl in need of a confidence boost raised her hand. "Yes?"

"They surrendered and agreed to your terms?"

He cackled. "Oh I wish. That would've been so much easier. But no. Once they realised shooting me full of bullets didn't do jack shit they decided-" He raised his hands in jazz hands. "To run me over with a tank and have it sit on me for an hour." A beat if silence in the classroom. Then it erupted in laugher once again. "I know, I know, and it was so rude honestly I couldn't even move. Imagine the view of the fishers. Just taking thier boats past minding thier own business then boom, there's a military tank on the side of the ocean and a bunch of groups prepared for an enemy that wasn't even there." Alien Queen howled and fell off the table onto rock child who caught her and righted her up.

Was the noise level a distraction to any surrounding second and third year classes that didn't need to attend the assembly? Oh absolutely. But he couldn't bring himself to quiet the chaos. "Now now. What about when they finally decided to get off me? Well imagine the shock on thier faces when I simply stood up, brushed the mud off my sea soaked clothes and flipped off the US military." He hung his head in sorrow. "And then they shot me through. Again. Like excuse me we already established that doesn't do shit." 

"So did they give up after that?"

"Well yes but actually no. After thier ultimate failure they decided it would be a smart idea to disregard all traditional weapons and blast me with a flamethrower." He pinched the bridge of his nose shaking his head. "Needless to say that did absolutely nothing. Fire didn't even touch me it was ridiculous. Like the Salam witch trials all over again but I was the only witch and they used a flamethrower rather than stake." 

"The Salam witch trials was a very serious event and should not be taken lightly. Many died in those days we should not joke about that. It was a prime example of the pre quirk brutality of the human race that must not be forgotten." Ah there's the blue glasses child input I was expecting. 

"What do you mean dude. Pre quirk brutality of the human race, as if. It got worse after quirks. The government gained super powers, civil uprising was everywhere, wars were started, anyone with a quirk was immediately labelled a villain and a threat to the non quirked population so the government hired quirked assassin's to massacre all quirked inviduals and called them heroes. The pre quirk era of brutality as you called it was nothing compared to the dawn of quirks. Plus it's just a history joke side chill." 

"I'm sorry I don't quite understand. Heroes fought against evil villains who threatened the safety of humans at large?" 

Izuku just blinked at him. "Oh gods there's so much were gonna have to go over in history, next thing you'll be telling me villains are evil beings that aren't human and the hero commison are the good guys." He laughed coldly. "Aight that's enough darkness back to the story of how I fought the US military where was I up too? Ah right they blasted me with a flamethrower. And failed." 

"So my children. Who wants to guess what they tried next, as I slowly walked my way through then towarss the steps of the Whitehouse?"

In a vent overlooking Present Mic's second year English class a smol purple insomniac waited for his eventual fate of finding. 

In the boiler room if the school Toru stuck as close as she could to the noise making hot water pumps as Jirou stepped softly across the room closer and closer to her invisible form. 

Walking as silently as he could Shouji made his way across to the opposite side of the school from which he had been tracking Jirou's footsteps hoping against hope he was tracking the right ones. 

Chapter Text

Izuku soon realised the class was not a group of military level strategists nor great listeners. And like 90 percent of their guesses relied on quirks, what was up with that. The other ten percent of guesses relied on nuking him or throwing him back in the ocean so they weren't exactly great either. Then again none of his kids had taken classes in strategy so he could forgive them. And with the reality of the military's actions half of their theories were plausible if they swapped out the quirks for technology. Like seriously did they not listen when he said the government despised quirked individuals and hunted them down? Of course they weren't gonna send someone they would immediately consider an enemy to fight him.

"Now now children. While listening to your theories was very entertaining absolutely none of you were correct. And the reason most of you are incorrect is because you're all under the assumption they knew I was immortal."

Rich girl in need of a confidence boost raised her hand. "But didn't you already have a villain status and your quirk registry at this time?"

He nodded to her. "Yea about that. Absolutely no one used those it was considered a death sentence to admit you had a quirk. And as for my villain status, they believed I had some sort of self healing quirk that they could simply fight until quirk exhaustion set in and I could no longer heal. That was shot down immediately after I stood up after being sat on by a tank for hours unharmed. So what do you think they next assumed was my quirk?"

No-one spoke up. Blue haired glasses boy looked genuinely deep in thought and Rock child looked lost. 

"Well they assumed I was unable to be hurt by weapons. Immune to machinery. So to put it simply what started off as hand to hand combat with a firing squad soon turned into military cuddle puddle but with extra elbows."

Most of the class cackled but Iida yelled over the noise. Very loudly, yes it was helpful for hearing but also like, extremely loud. "BUT SIR. WHY WOULDN'T THEY KNOW YOUR QUIRK PRIOR TO THIS. THEY WOULD'VE SEEN YOU FIGHT." 

He nodded at him. "In this day and age that probably would be true. I'm not exactly sure I've only been aware of the culture change for like 4 months now. But anyway that may be true now. However back then I didn't exactly fight. Like at all."

He blinked at Izuku confused. "But then how did you obtain such high villain status?" 

"My older sibling figure was the ruler of the underworld. Quirked individuals would flock to them for protection and they built up an army. And they protected that army. Thier name was Ink and they had the ability to bring tattoo's to life. They would capture heroes and give them tattoos that would work against them if they tried to attack any member of thier army unprovoked and give thier army members tattoos to protect themselves. I was thier strategist. I came up with all the plans to capture heroes, I did all negotiations, I was their hacker, their support builder and their quirk analyst. I helped them protect the quirked population the government had decided were villains and as suck I was given an extremely high status since I was basically the source of all their problems." He cackled. "This was back when I thought my quirk was just an anti-aging one cuz I stopped aging at 16. Once I realised I was immortal I just started walking in on Congress and yelling I object every time they tried to create any anti quirk laws."

"But Intoxication-Sensei that sounds like hero behaviour." The blue glasses child looked, dare he say, almost proud. Huh maybe he's a little less stuck up than I thought. He needs to loosen up, good thing I'm the perfect teacher for that. 

He nodded safely as if he held all the wisdom in the universe. "Yea but I also started a cult revolution and overthrew the government."

He visibly deflated as Alien Queen whooped and cheered. "You. You Sensei are going to be my new favourite teacher. Is this what everyone else is like? I LOVE this can we do storytime every homeroom?" OH. RIGHT. I have a story to tell. 

"I'm pretty sure most of the other teachers have sticks so far up their asses they have permanent stomach cramps but anyway, back to the story. I was trying to tell it right. Anyway so voilent cuddle puddle with the US military. It ended up being an absolute mess so I just kinda made my way to the edge and walked out of there. Like literally no-one noticed it was weird as fuck." 

He hopped up to his feet bored of the floor and retook his spot on the top of his podium thing. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Emo lesbian leading Invisibitch in through the door and leaving again. Swinging his legs he cleared his throat to continue his story. 

"So up to the Whitehouse I walk, guards aren't really a problem they don't do shit. So into the president's office I walk and there I see Joe motherfucking Biden in the flesh. Because this was 2021 now and Trump has been edjected from every possible position of power.

So here I sat, and there he sat, and we stared at each other for a full minute, neither saying a word. And then he, Mr President man himself spoke. And the words he said carried great wisdom. The wisest words of this nearly 80 year old man. He said, and I quote 'I'm not the Cheeto-in-charge. You have the wrong man.'"

Chapter Text

Jirou glared at the vent that was the current cause of all evil in the world. Her depression? Vents fault. Her anxiety? Vents fault. This one specific students hiding abilities? THIS SPECIFIC VENTS FAULT. She had almost missed the hider so many times, walking past the vent system, dismissing it as classroom noise. But no, she was certain someone was hiding in there so that was either one of her targets or a security risk. Pinching the bridge of her nose she eyed the vent entrance. Only one way to find her target. And god damn it if she wasn't gonna find them all. 

On the other side of the school Shouji's eyes widened in fear. Jirou's footsteps had stopped then morphed into a rattling he couldn't pick our from the sound of the school. He could only hear her as she walked at a tempo. Now her footsteps were gone. Shaking his head he headed further away from where he last heard her. And god damn if it he wasn't gonna win this game.

In a vent above Present Mic's classroom Shinsou snickered. His phone screen flicked across Nedzu's security cameras Izuku had hacked for him in the last 4 months before school. Jirou was inside the vents. But it didn't matter if she knew where he was. This was his territory. No-one could beat him on his own grounds. And god dammit if he wasn't gonna prove he deserved his spot in 1A. 

After the subsequent cackling of his class had calmed, Izuku raised his hands to continue the discussion of his divine encounter with the US president. He opened his mouth again and began to narrate the events as he remembered, imparting the knowledge of centuries onto his raptured audience.

Whistling softly to himself Izuku made his way to Mar - a - Lago ignoring the pointed looks from across the street. And if a slowly growing mob of people decided to quietly follow him and video him, the louder members shouting out encouragements well who was he to stop them? Was he a quirked villain about to attack a member of high society? Yes, yes he was. But he was a quirked villain about to attack a dickish member of high society so no-one could really fault his supporters. 

He had first made his way back across the water to the front left of the estate, just inside the streets where he couldn't be attacked for tresspassing. Then again he could be attacked for being a literal villain but it's the little things ya know. Grinning openly he shrugged off his dripping wet hoodie and tied it around his waist. He would toss it but bitches get stitches and just cuz he's a villain doesn't mean he'll stoop that low. Also it was perfectly usable under the ocean. But a little salt clogged on land. 

He reached the lavish structure and stared up at the gates. Was he a genius strategist and master at infiltration? Yes, yes he was. But he was also a dripping wet immortal teenager with no need for subtlety and a passion for the dramatic so fuck that. 

He turned on his heel and blew a kiss to his supporters, internally dying because it was like the press had thier eyes on him and he wanted to curl up and start crying. He had only stopped ageing last year for fucks sake, he hadn't really had the time to outlive the nervousness. 16 years old immortal teenager starting a revolution back home in Japan with his adoptive (consentual kidnapping) sibling and yet his biggest fear was social interaction.

Internally steeling himself so he didn't start stuttering at the security, he crouched down then sprinted across the lawn. Gunshots sounded across the lawn and he wanted to curl up and cry, it reminded him too much of when Fury was 8 before Ink had adopted (consentually kidnapped) them both. But he had an audience to please and was a kid on a mission so he just laughed and threw open the ridiculously oversized doors to Trump's residential wing of Mar - a - Lago. "HEY BITCHES I'M STILL ALIVE. DID YA MISS ME?"

The look on the president's face was worth millions. Confusion mixed with fear and a little bit of awe. "Security?" He asked hesitantly. Izuku barely had time to glance up at he was riddled through with bullets. The dust and sound settled around him as he fingered a bullet hole in his hoodie.

"Well that was rude. This hoodie cost like 9 dollars from Kmart."

Sir Cheeto-in-charge raised his hands in what would have been a placeating motion but honestly just looked like he was stroking his hands on an invisible wall. "Now now, I'm sure we can all work something out here. A prominent figure of Japan taking the time to come see me like this. I'm sure there's something a bright young man like yourself would like from me."

Izuku nodded. "Yea no I'm here on a mission." He took a step forward as the president took a step back. "You see, there's only one thing I really want here." He looked him in the eyes then glanced away shaking his head forlornly. "Remember the 2016 election. Thought you were bae, turns out your just fam." 

He looked up as his class eyed him in awe. "And them I bitch slapped him so hard his man boobs concaved."

Chapter Text

Shinsou grinned as he crawled quickly across the passage of vents. He didn't bother to be stealthy, the girl with a hearing quirk would hear him no matter what he did. He twisted and jumped up through a passageway half hidden by a plate of metal leading to an identical vent passage just above the previous one. The one below him opened to far from the door of Mics classroom, he needed the one just above it. Grinning he hooked his fingers through the metal plating and shoved it out to where it clattered to the floor. 

Basking in his dad's shocked expression he threw himself out of the vent and onto the floor of the classroom. The last month's with Izuku had given him a flair for the dramatic. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" He screamed and burst out the door to dive headfirst into the vent just outside the classroom he knew led down almost a third of the way across the school at a downward slope. "YEEEEEEEET."

Present Mic stared at the open door in shock. His son, his and Shouta's adoptive son they had done thier best to raise as a functioning member of society has just dove headfirst into a vent. He however didn't have much time to stew on his thoughts as another demon child burst forth from the cursed passageways above his door and rolled to a stop on the floor. "Oh no you don't!" She screamed notably quieter and dashed out the door. Mic watched in disbelief as she glared daggers at the vent his son had dove through. "Well fuck my life, guess I'll just die." She climbed through, dissapearing from view within seconds. 

One of his students raised their hands. "Uh Sensei. What was that." 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was usually so upbeat and editable at school. "That little listener, was presumable the students of the new teacher. You luckily won't have him as he's only teaching the first years." He sighed again. "And by teaching the first years I mean all the first years. It's gonna be chaos." 

Somewhere in a classroom surrounded by his yelling editable class Izuku sneezed. 

Shouji stood dumbstruck at the end of the hallway staring at the vent his classmates had just dove into. Did Jirou just not... See me? I didn't even know they were there. He shook his head and turned away from that mess. When life gives you an advantage, you take it and grip onto it with all your strength. And if hat advantage was his screaming classmates forgetting the presence of the entire other school then he'd milk that for all it was worth. 

Izuku stood up back cracking as the end of period bell rung. "Ok now listen up you little shits. I'm sending out a message to Jirou, Shouji and Shinsou. The game isn't over. Every one of you are allowed to get in the way of whoever you want. Fuck shit up for them but do it equally." He grinned and surveyed the class. "I know it seems like y'all haven't really learnt anything but learning wasn't the point of this lesson. It was more to bond with others, asses your stealth capabilities and get a grip on your personalities. We'll be starting actual studies once I've completed portfolios on all of you and your quirks. Homeroom is chill but you're gonna be productive humanish beings in other classes kay?" Most of the class nodded back at him, some voicing thier agreement. "Great now fuck off to your other classes. Love y'all."

His class filed our noisily, se already in mini friendship groups. Once they had all left he manifested a notebook from thin air with his godlike abilities and protagonist privileges. 

Students I'm concerned about

1: Invisibitch

- looked really beat up about it when she got caught, even if you can't see her face

- probably crippling self worth issues from never being seen

- thought it was ok to take off all her clothes to hide as if that doesn't put her in danger and it's perfectly normal. 

2: Rich girl

- self esteem issues galore. Feels inferior and unworthy.

- was being harassed by tiny grapist in need of a vibe check

- body type isn't suited to her quirk, will probably cause major health issues if she doesn't build up fat stores and continues to use it

3: Tiny Grapist

- everything

4: Freezerburn

- scar possibly holding trauma 

- extremely cut off from the rest of class

- concerning lack of response to literally anything, possibly trauma response? Maybe raised by villains or involved with them.

5:Knockoff fury

- he's exacty like Fury if Ink never intervened when we were 8. Absolutely no respect for others. Doesn't think of anyone as equals. Probably needs therapy. There's trauma there I can practically smell it.

He sighed and closed his notebook. There were more but those he didn't think were needing solutions immediately. Shaking the thoughts from his head he unmanifested his notebook and pen. He could worry over child's later. He had another class to teach. 1b sounded like fun. The equals that never had the focus on them, it would be interesting to see how the two interacted and which produced more underground and daylight heroes.

Grinning he shuffled through the halls of UA towards his next class, half asleep on his feet as he hadn't been able to sleep all class. Smack. He walked into the human equivalent of a brick wall with the mental capacity of one. Yagi Toshinori. All Might. 

"Ah sorry about that my boy. I didn't mean to bump into you. Well off to class with you." Izuku glared up at the symbol of peace with all the malice in his eyes. He breathed in deeply then out again. Feeling like he wouldn't yell at the 50 year old man child infront of him he finally allowed himself to speak.

"You're the symbol of peace. You have the One for All quirk." He looked him dead in the eye. "So what the fuck are you doing looking for a successor in a place filled to the brim with litera childen." He stared up at the 7 foot tall giant of a man struggling for word before him. He looked like Izuku had just beaten him to death with a wet spaghetti noodle then resurrected him and he was left to figure out how a wet spaghetti noodle could be used for murder. Izuku grinned, letting his face twist into something more sadistic, something more gleeful. "I'll ask you again Yagi." The symbol of peace shivered at the use of his 'secret' first name. "What the fuck are you doing here." 

Chapter Text

The symbol of peace stared down at the smol green child before him. The child who had just used his civillain name and talked to him like gran Torino. Somewhere in the back of his mind a memory was conjured up, a memory of when Nana had just taken him in and decided to visit an old friend of hers.

Nana pulled him aside just as they reached the doors of the home they were to visit and crouched down to look him in the eyes. "This is Intoxication-sama. He is very old and very energetic so you have to make sure you match his energy. Whatever he does don't be shocked by it. And if he offers you bleach in a cup throw it out the window and scream 'yeet'. It's the only refusal he'll accept." She hugged him quickly. "See ya on the other side soldier." 

She squared her shoulders then with the strength of a freight train on steroids smashed the door open and nearly off its hinges. "I LIVED BITCH!" Inside chaos ruled. 

All might shivered, took one look at Intoxication-sama's smile and promptly took a step back. And then another. And then powered himself up to full cowl and yeeted himself backwards through the school hallways. Not today Satan. That was a demon he wasn't and never would be prepared to meet again. 

Togata Mirio prided himself on being a fun positive member of UA high school. He loved fun and chaos and always walked around with a smile. Said smile was currently frozen on his face as he watched the symbol of peace, All Might himself sprint backwards away from a smiling green teenager out of uniform. Was the green bean a security risk? Probably. But he did not infact wish to get in the way of such a short intimidating creature and quickly backed around the corner of which he had come from.  

Staring blankly at the receding dot on the horizon that was All Might Izuku sighed and turned around. He had a class to attend to do he'd save the beating of the symbol of peace till later. Maybe much later after he'd slept about a decade. All Might would probably still be alive by then. And if he isn't well then that's just natural selection doing Izuku's job for him. 

All thoughts of natural selection coming 4 decades to late are banished from his head as he enters what he has now identified as 1b's classroom much to the surprise of its inhabitants. 50 minutes to teach a class and no idea what he was doing. At least he got all of homeroom along with first period for 1a to actually figure shit out. Now he had absolutely no idea what he was teaching. Ya know what. I'll just wing it. Maybe I'll fail, maybe I won't, whatever I'll get a proper schedule tomorrow.

"OK LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS." He grinned as the class immediately quieted. "Damn hope I don't get in trouble for saying that. Anyway y'all can call me Intoxication, it's my villain name and I'm your new teacher. Want a proper introduction? Look me up in your history textbooks I'm over 200 years old and a major historical figure. You'll find me somewhere." 

A manical laugh sounded from the back of the classroom. The cackling blonde boy was bent over his chair laughing and clutching his stomach. "You can't- you can't be serious. UA allowing a villain to teacher thier precious first years. Oh how far they've fallen from grace."

Izuku nodded. "Uh huh you're pissing me off. If you don't shut it and let me teach the ways of the chaos to the impressionable then I'll have no choice but to force you to actually sit a at desk." He glared at the contraptions strewn across the room in neat orderly lines. "Disgusting, we work on the floor or we work in the air. Desks are only good for sitting on not at." 

Silence reigned across the classroom until one quiet voice piped up. "Sensei, what the fuck?"

Deep within the vents of the school a small purple insomniac avoided the watchful gaze of the emo lesbian, hiding in passageways on he knew the entrance to, aware of the fact that if she couldn't see him, he was still in the game. However the emo lesbian was not to be best so easily, her superior hearing took over the vents, filling her ears with a cacophony of sound. When hunting prey in its natural habitat, you must always be ready for ambush. 

Somewhere in the school a student with a mind reading quirk stopped, stood dumbstruck fro a second, then continued on with their day, perfectly content to leave whatever the fuck that was behind. 

Chapter Text

After about ten minutes of attempting to explain trigonometry to a class of 15 year olds who didn't understand phythagorus therum (no-one knows how to spell that shut up) Izuku was starting to question why he even became a teacher.

"Ok so none of y'all are understanding math talk so let's just do this my way. Fuck the education board or something this ain't working."

Blonde bitch chose that as the perfect time to speak up. "Well MAYBE, if they hadn't given us a villain for a teacher we would actually be learning this well. You just taught 1A, really? Really speaks to how superior we are doesn't it." 

Don't kick the child, don't kick the child, don't kick the- fuck I really wanna kick the child. "Moving on from whatever that is we're redoing Phythagoris therum. Start from the beggining and shit." I always listened better to narratives anyway this is fine. "Ok so you have two sides on a right angled triangle. Why a right angled triangle I have no fucking clue, math just be like that sometimes.

So you've got your two sides. Now these two sides were pick me girls and wanted to be real special, so they square themselves. The third side opposite the right angle is called the hypotenuse. Why? Again no fucking clue, math's weird. 

So hypotenuse over here is lost so we need to find them. Pick me girl sides actually have meaningful connections somehow and hypotenuse is their friend. Idk why maybe it's cuz of the name. So with their combined efforts they're able to find the hypotenuse. But when the hypotenuse interacts with them it doesn't wanna be left out so it's in squared form. 

So you gotta find the root of it. The square root of it because it's in square form. And boom, there's your third side. Pick me girl squared plus pick me girl squared equals their friend hypotenuse squared." Oh gods I hope they understand that I can't explain literally any better.

A blonde girl with horns who looked like she hadn't had a single thought in her life raised her hand. "Yes child, what divine wisdom do you seek from me?" 

"When are we ever gonna use this?" She asked in fluent English. If Izuku didn't have 200 years of boredom under his belt he may not have understood. As it was he was able to reply in perfect English.

"Ha, funny. No."

"Fair enough."

Another raised hand from a silver child. "SIR I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD!" Izuku smashed his face into the desk. 

"I just wanted to make a difference in the world. Or well I more wanted to die but also I wanted to make a difference if I'm gonna be cursed into immortal suffering. Why do I torture myself like this?" He stood up slamming his hands into the desk and startling half the people in the room. "Aight, that's it, no more math for today. I'm leaving that to Ectoplasm. We're exploring the school and looking for the catacombs. If there's one thing I know about Nedzu is that there's no way in hell he's not made secret passages all over the school. The vents are Shinsou's domain, let's look for our own in the dark."

He let a cold smile take over his eyes, cackling when some of the students at the front stepped back. "But there's one little condition. Almost everyone in this class is suited to being an underground hero. And when you're underground, someone finding your base is equal to immediate death. So half the class is going to he the underground heroes and others are going to be an underworld criminal organisation. Both are feuding, you're at war but you've both destroyed each other's bases. 

Now in gonna start by splitting the class in two for the original groups." He paused for dramatic effect. "However if you want to swap sides at any time you can. If you want to recruit people for your own organisation from either side you can. If you want to go off on your own and become a vigilante you can. Anything goes in this game. Sabotage and backstabbing is encouraged. However there's one golden rule. Absolutely no fighting, absolutely no quirk use." He clicked his fingers then jumped up to stand on his teachers desk and spread his arms welcoming the class. "Now go my children, be free, embrace the wild."

Absolutely no-one moved. Someone coughed at the back of the room.

"Uh sir. You haven't told us the teams."

Chapter Text

Traversing the vents of UA Izuku was pleasantly surprised to see two purple blurs speed past him with just over a minute of space between them. If his insomniac child was the king of the vents then Emo Lesbian was the queen of hide and seek. To observe the two in their game of 'can't see me can't win', in the wild was an experience not many got. The battle of purple blurs would go down in history, he would make sure of it. After all, he himself was history. 

Shaking the thoughts from his head he quietly observed the class below him. His vent was located directly above that of a bird headed child. The class was learning something about hero laws, he didn't really pay attention. Why listen to legalities when you're an immortal god. Sleep deprived catepillar he liked to taunt was teaching about property damage and absolutely bashing the no. 2 hero. We stan a queen, however he would unfortunately have to steal bird student from our new catepillar queen, as every good hero vs villain team needed a third espionage side just to shake things up and maybe influence a rebellion. 

His own current students had finally gotten a grasp on what they were doing, split in two on their own and set off to look for the probably existent catacombs. One student in particular stuck out to him. Tokage Setsuna. Lizard lady. She immediately created the "villains" team saying it was strategically advantageous because they didn't need a moral code and could happy sabotage the heroes. She took at least a third of the class with her and set out in a semi organised group to split up into pairs and search every dead end of lower levels of the school.

Then about half the class got into a big mob as the heroes and set off for the boiler room. As a mob. A large mob of teenagers armed with a sense of righteous justice and superpowers. But still a mob. Never underestimate the power of a large group of stupid people. And then the remaining sixth of the class kinda split up to do god knows what. He did see three of them conversing together so possible government overthrow was on the table. If so that would be perfect for what he was now attempting to do. Look at my students. Becoming wonderful little agents of chaos. They grow up so fast. 

Gripping the vent bars with well practiced fingers he pulled it up and silently set it down next to him. Insomniac catepillar was fairly preoccupied but you should never underestimate the observational skills of an underground hero. Tiny grapist was right next to him so that would be a problem. The student right next to him was the shy one who was probably selectively mute and very sweet. He wouldn't snitch. Engine blue boy most certainly would but he was preoccupied with sleep deprived catepillar's teaching. Strong sweets dude wouldn't snitch either so that was fine. Freezerburn didn't exactly speak much and his deadpan face probably wouldn't give anything away.

That just left the two most important students. Gravity girl and My Chemical Crowmance. Oh and tiny grapist. But tiny grapist was the distraction anyway so it didn't matter. Gravity girl seemed fun and a total rule breaker. She'd probably rob a bank with him for fun. And then point a gun at his head and demand all the money. What she was doing as a hero in training not a black market villain boss he had no idea. But either way she would agree. And My Chemical Crowmance just seemed dead inside so he probably wouldn't care. 

Summoning his notebook and pen with his god abilities and protagonist privileges he removed a loose page and scribbled a short message on it. 'on the signal remove crow boys gravity, as soon as you read this don't look around - Intoxication'. He scrunched it up and placed it next to him then took another page as a message for crow boy. 'whatever happens in the next 5 minutes, don't make a sound, I have a role for you, and whatver you do as soon as you read this don't look around - Intoxication'. Grinning to himself he scrunched it up then dropped it on crow boys desk. With the practiced aim of someone who threw rocks through parliment widows at politicians to protest laws, he flicked the note through the air to Gravity girl's desk. 

Watching them both read it he was internally impressed neither looked around. And now for the most beautiful part of this. The signal. Hooking his feet over the edge of the vent he swung down, picked up tiny grapist and, screaming "VIBE CHECK" he yeeted him across the room and straight at the sleep deprived catepillar's face. Gravity girl jumped up and grabbed crow boy's arm negating his gravity. Izuku grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled them both up into he vent, dropping a piece of silver jewelry from his pocket to Gravity girl. Always gotta pay your associates. No-one likes a snitch in the underground. Ah yes, all according to plan.

He was half sure he he heard My Chemical Crowmance mutter "What a mad banquet of darkness," but he couldn't really be sure as he was dragging him at record speeds through the vent system still weightless. 

Dragging him through the vent into one of the many small rooms at the intersections between passages, Izuku turned to crow boy and grinned. "So child. I have a job for you. Are you up to revel in the darkness?"

Nodding to himself Shoji settled down in a corner of a dead end passageway at one of the top levels of the school. Yup. They definitely forgot about me. I don't even know where they are anymore. Does this mean I won? His train of thought was soon disrailed as three students he'd never seen before advanced on him. The leader was a short girl with mushrooms growing from her the long bob covering her eyes. Behind her stood a zombie like girl with silver hair and a boy with pitch black skin and white hair, slipping in and out of the shadows in the hallway. He'd never been more intimidated by short (read: average, he's just tall af) people. 

"Who are you?" 

The mushroom girl reached her hand down to him. "Oh us? Well we're the rebellion of course. How would you like to become the secret ace up the sleeves of those who hide in the shadows? The 'underground' hero and villain teams never really got the memo. They're acting like daylight heroes and fame seeking villains. Us though? We are the underground."

Chapter Text

In one of the very few quiet moments where his class was working, Present Mic opened his phone and called his darling husband, the love of his life, the expresso depresso addict he decided to marry. "Hey Shouta we failed as parents."

"..."

"You know how the immortal god of chaos adopted our child as his own."

"Please don't tell me this is going where I think it is."

"He was already a vent gremlin Shouta. It was only a matter of time. Our child has fallen to the side of chaos and all we can do is support him in his endeavours."

"I should never have let him stay in the vents."

"He would have fallen to the chaos either way. At least now he has a mentor."

"That mentor just yeeted a child at my face screaming vibe check and stole a student."

"I never said he was a good mentor." He was about to continue but half his class was looking at him like he had just started twerking in thier parent's grave. "Gotta go Shou. See you." He forcibly clicked the hang up bottom and slammed his phone down on his desk. "Y'all didn't hear anything kay?"

The resounding silence from his class was not comforting. 

Tokoyami roamed the higher hallways of the school, searching for those who, quote unquote, 'knew the rat bastard would never make catacombs so easy to access as being on the bottom floor'. Dark shadow chittered inside his chest, gently alerting him to the presence of others.

"Oh. It seems another of 1-A's students happen to be roaming the halls. Tell me bird boy, how would you like to join our side." Despite dark shadow's warning he still jump a little at the sound of another voice. Turning around he was greeted with the sight of a short girl, a fringe covering her eyes and bright red mushrooms rapidly growing and wilting all over her person.

"Unfortunately I cannot join a side, I'm just here to be a force of chaos for our Lord and saviour Izuku Midoriya."

"Fair enough. Would you like to form an alliance with me?"

"Absolutely I do."

"Good good excellent." She paused then grinned and walked closer to him her eyes glinting from under her bangs. "What exactly were you planning?" 

He felt dark shadow stir in his chest, or maybe it was his heart. He couldn't really tell. Either way he grinned as much as his bird head would allow when he answered. "Espionage."

Izuku was just casually vibing in the vents, making his way slowly downwards when he heard the unmistakable sound of a very large group of very stupid people. Ah, it seems I've found the mob. This must be the boiler room. 

"We must destroy the villain team before they find the base. We are the heroes, those villains won't know what hit them!" Murmurs of agreement were heard throughout the crowd.

"So manly."

"Eh, works for me."

"Bro they can't even use thier quirks, this'll be child's play."

"We're the heroes, we can beat them easily. They're just fake villains."

Suddenly a scream resounded from the middle of the mob. "SOMETHING GRABBED MY LEG!" There was a general sense of scrambling away as more and more people panicked when a disembodied hand grabbed their ankles from the shadows. 

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN, IT'S THE VILLAIN TOKAGE SETSUNA ATTACKING US." Izuku's attention turned on blonde bitch who was yelling for everyone to calm down. Huh, smart assumption and she dies have a quirk that works like that. But I know I saw Dark Shadow. Oh. Edgar Allan Crow must have teamed up with Shadow boy. Are they intentionally making it look like it's the villains attacking? Smart. They're making the heroes go attack the villains to take advantage of the other teams being unable to search. How smart. But that leaves mushroom girl and levitation zombie. I wonder where they are.

Shrugging he navigated his way over to the vent closest to the boiler itself. Basking in the warmth he resolved to take a nap. His class was functional enough to run on its own. Hopefully the bell will wake me up. Don't really wanna be late for my next class. Think I've got support next. Mmm fun. Laughing quietly to himself he sleepily watched the hero team dissolve into chaos before evacuating the boiler room and going off to attack the villains. And then he slept.

Chapter Text

Nedzu smiled as he gently rearranged the files in his paws. It had taken a four months of searching but he had finally found what he was looking for. With the greatest care he placed the photos in the bottom drawer if his desk and locked it. The photos were not a pretty sight. Half of them were the other animals that had been experimented on with him. More were horrific animal abuse. But then the other half were security footage. Security footage that looked normal and completely undisturbed to anyone who wasn't there to witness the events they portrayed.

A screw off a vent just visible from under a chair. A small lock of green curly hair snagged on a rusty piece of barbed wire. Almost all the hair had been painstakingly removed but just the slightest bit was tied right between two wires, unable to quickly remove. Faint handprints in the dust that matched up to no-one alive today. Fingerprints that belonged to a 7 year old child from two centuries ago taken as a part of a school excursion to the Parliament house in Australia. Fingerprints of a boy kidnapped and pronounced dead at 8. Fingerprints on the cages of all the animals that were released on that day.

Nedzu would never forget the day he escaped the facility. Would never forget hiding under a counter, ready to make a run for it when there was the slightest noise from a vent at the top of the room. The three quick bangs of a gun fired within seconds of each other. The way the humans at the facility fell to the floor. They way none of them had the chance to scream. 

He would never forget the short man, dressed in all black that dropped from the vent on the ceiling, a knife slipping from his fingers and impaling the security camera at the corner directly below his vent, so that there could never be any footage of him entering the room. 

Nedzu would never forget the hours he crouched under the counter, watching the man painstakingly remove all the locks from the animals cages. Opening each one and allowing the animals that wanted to to sit on his shoulders or in his pockets. Would never forget the assault riffle the man pulled from his backpack, the way he slammed open the door from the inside and shot his way out. None of the animals flinched from the sounds of gunshots. They were used to way worse. 

Nedzu had followed the man in the shadows, watched as he got shot repeatedly as he moved to protect the animals. Had watched silently as bodies fell to the floor and the scent of iron filled the air. The day he left the facility he would never forget. He would never forget the way the man seemed to disappear as soon as he made sure the animals were safe. The way Nedzu couldn't follow him. The way he never got to thank the man.

5 years later he was appointed the headmaster of UA as the commission's way of taking care if thier second biggest nuisance. He rolled the lock of green hair he had taken the time to remove from the rusty wire back at the facility. The man he was forever indepted to was now going to teach his students. And in all honesty, despite the personality he put up and energy he excluded. Despite his teaching methods. Despite the way he constantly wanted to sleep. Despite the way he immediately got to breaking down the rift between heroes and villains, Nedzu didn't think he could have put his students in better hands. Maybe half of them wouldn't turn into daylight heroes who saved the day with a smile and took down every villain they saw. But he knew these students would survive the first 5 years of graduation when most heroes died. 

Nedzu wasn't the first to owe the chaotic villain a life debt. And he by no means would be the last. Maybe he was giving a villain too much power. Maybe having a villain teach hero kids wasn't realistically the smartest move. Maybe all the kids would end up owing thier lives to a villain by the end of thier schooling. But in all honesty Nedzu couldn't see a problem with that. Villain or not he trusted Midoriya. And if he wanted to vibe in the vents and yell vines at his students while giving them free reign to govern themselves and become little forces of chaos, well who was Nedzu to stop him. 

He knew full well how much trauma the kids were going to accumulate over thier years in UA. He knew how mentally fucked these kids were going to become. And personally, he couldn't think of a better person to be thier light in the darkness. Being a hero wasn't all it was cracked up to be. At least these kids wouldn't miss out on the three years of thier lives that were suppose to be the most fun. And he couldn't wait to see what chaos Izuku caused in the hero world. Society was going down and an immortal villain with god status and 200 years of political knowledge was going to rebuild the shattered pieces. Also he was 90 percent sure Izuku was the Immortal Doctor and he was solving that conspiracy if it was the last thing he did.

Chapter Text

Grinning, Jirou launched herself from the vent after Shinsou and tackled him to the ground. He may have been the king of the vents, but she was able to chase him to an exit and force him to spend time opening it. Despite managing to stay out of her sight the while time, the sound of his heartbeat was an immediate tell to his location. "Gotcha bitch." Fuck yea I caught him. I know, I'm amazing, I finally win this game. 

He stared up at her, his deadpan expression doing nothing to dampen her mood. "I can see that. Can I get up now? Or am I just supposed to lay here and suffer?"

"Oh no, you're perfectly welcome to suffer. The floor is all yours my guy." She said, standing up and dusting off her hands. "I for one, have a teacher to impress. He said you guys were like Pokemon, gotta catch em all. Don't exactly know what that means but I'm hoping for a cash prize or extra credit."

Shinsou nodded sympathetically. "He's talking about a video game series and tv show. It's from his era, no I don't know what it's about. He has on multiple occasions screamed 'To protect the world from devastation!' and expected me to return with 'To unite all peoples within our nation!'. If he ever does that to you just respond likewise and you'll earn friendship status."

"Huh. Cool, well I've got a teacher to talk to so see ya." 

He nodded and crawled back into the vent. "Kay. Bye." She doesn't know Shouji is still out here does she? Oh well not my problem. But then again she seemed pretty cool and dead inside. Maybe I'll warn her. "Hey dude. Person. Earphone human. I don't know your name fuck. Earphone human." His voice didn't get any louder but she seemed to hear the last call. 

"What? And my name's Jirou."

"Look out for tentacle arms. He's still roaming around somewhere."

He was half sure he heard her mutter "Well fuck me in the ass with a rusty fork." But wasn't entirely sure considering how he was slowly retreating into his home in the vents. The bell rung loud for the end of the period, causing his passage to rattle slightly. Well that's mildly concerning. Eh whatever, I should get to whatever class I have. 

Izuku shook himself from his sleep, attempted to get up and promptly bashed the top of his head on the vent around him. His cry of "FUCK," was muffled by the overbearing noise of the bell rattling the vents. In all his four months he had spend becoming the second and third years second resident cryptid, he still found the shaking of the vents mildly concerning. 

Carefully he made way out the laberynth to the hallways like a normal person. Over the months he had become a master at surfing the tides of 'holy fuck that's a lot of children can I leave yet'. It did not infact get easier with time and by become a master I mean stopped caring when people trampled him. Despite his lifespan causing any semblance of manners and social anxiety out the window, he would forever hate the crowds. Why? Because ✨trauma✨. 

As the crowd thinned and the unforgiving force of teenagers in a rush relented he found his way to the door of the 1H support labs. Why Nedzu had skipped over classes C to G he would never know (plot reasons and Nedzu wanting to stick chaotic gen z human with a girl who should be an honorary member). And then the door blew off its hinges. Because of course it fucking did. Straight at a student with the power of an explosive blasting it out. 

Thankfully he hadn't achieved S tier villain status for nothing and dissapearing for 50 years didn't mean sitting on his ass for 50 years. Also a couple of decades of having Ink scream suprise and chuck broken microwaves at you across the beach with the strength of a bulldozer gave you really good reflexes. Sp he grabbed the tail end of the door as it flew past him and used the slight spin on it to flip it along the side of his body and straight into the opposing wall. Which proceeded to crack outwards and rain plaster on him. Some thanks he gets.

Turning away from the destroyed wall he faced the student who almost got splatted to find it was 1B blonde bitch with a mix of inferiority and superiority complexes, so just Bakugou minus the anger issues. And Bakugou was already knock of Fury so this was 2 dollar wish with ten dollar shipping Fury. 

"Holy shit maybe you're not entirely incompetent." He muttered. 

"Gee thanks kid, I just saved your fucking life, you should be worshipping the ground I walk on."

"And who would even worship you?" Oh great, the haughty attitude is back. Damn I thought he was actually semi decent for a second. 

"Well I am a literal god with a mostly dead cult. It was alive like 2 centuries ago and recently my unpaid intern turned god has started to rebuild it. Almost 150 worshippers bitch and soon I'll have this entire school. Now if you'll excuse me il have a class to get too." Not bothering to see if wish brand Fury chose to fuck off or not he turned to the now doorless class. A pink haired girl covered in soot stood in the middle grinning manically. Oh fuck yea I like her already. "Alright bitches, whose ready to make some nukes?" 

In a vault far below Tartarus there is a cell that is never opened. People no longer know of this cell, it has been lost to time. No-one knows the passageway through, no-one knows the passcode, no-one knows what it even contains. It just sits there alone, with no-one to visit on over a hundred years. 

In the middle of that vault rests a hand. A cut off, perfectly preserved decapitated hand. The hand is callous and rough, hard skin built up all over the palm. There is a plaque that is drilled into the cell wall right next to the hand. 

Name: Bakugou Katsuki

Villain name: Fury

Quirk: Explosion

Rank: S tier

Date of birth: 20/4/2002

Date of death: 12/7/2037

Status: Eliminated

Chapter Text

50 years ago

Izuku is first officially declared a non problem. 

Bubaigawara gently led a small blonde haired girl through the passages to his boss. He had taken the DNA provided to him by his boss and told to make a clone of the person. As much as it was sketchy as all hell and probably highly illegal, this was the hero commission. You did what was asked of you no questions asked. And if he was meant to produce a literal child from DNA for god knows what reason then fuck it he'd do it. Being in the hero commision was a perfect cover for his wife. And he'd do anything to keep her safe. 

The little girl by his side clutched tightly onto his hand as they wound further and further into the ground. She was a small little thing, spiky blonde hair, bright red eyes and, despite it all, a face full of so much anger she could scare god. Her nails dug more and more into his hand as he led her further down until he wasn't even sure if she was scared or trying to hurt him. Judging by her facial expression it was probably the latter. But still she remained silent. 

Pulling the keycard from his jacket pocket, he scanned the lock pad, which must have been the newest thing in the entire building. Or well if you could call the underground tunnel a building. The sound of a soft click echoed through the passageways as the door silently opened. 

Bubaigawara shivered slightly as he entered the cell. In the middle stood the hero commissioner. The head of the entire organisation. The man who specifically gave him the job of cloning this girl. "I brought you the child boss. Here she is." Gently he pushed her forwards towards him. She stumbled slightly then rightened herself. He'd guess she was sewjere around 11 years old. Never had he seen just a closed off attitude from such a small child. 

The hero commisioner bent down and gently gripped her face, inspecting her features as his face slowly morphed into one of disgust. "This isn't the person I told you to clone Bubaigawara-san."

He tilted his head confused. "She's the one that DNA belonged too."

"That DNA belonged to a man with an explosion quirk, this girl just smells sweet. Sure they look similar but you failed. This isn't the man we're trying to achieve. This is the second time you've failed us Bubaigawara-san." He turned back to the girl. "Well then, it seems you're a failure. We were after Katsuki. You're not even close. Why don't we name you Mitsuki then. Go up and join the Izuku failure, Inko. I'm sure you can make your way up there."

Bubaigawara didn't move as the girl turned and ran. He just stood there silently and waited for the hero commisioner's next words. 

Click.

"So Bubaigawara-san, you've managed to fail me twice in a row."

Click.

"I originally thought your cloning quirk was useful, bit I guess not."

Click.

"You've outlived your worth."

Click.

"And Izuku mustn't find any witnesses."

Bang. 

The bullet in his heart hurt more than just his flesh. 

"It's time for you to die."

The situation was so bizzare he almost laughed. But he didn't. A severed hand in the side of his vision begged for attention. Instead he thought of his wife. His beautiful, strong, amazing, villain wife. His wife with a quirk that allowed her to take anything she had the exact measurements of and freeze it in time and space, so that only she could touch it. He thought of the fetus frozen in time, in a blank room they wanted to dedicate to the baby, when she finally was ready to have him. And he thought of the name they had chosen. The name for thier beautiful unborn child. "Good luck darling. Take care of Jin for me will you? Tell them thier daddy loves them."

Far above the cell, in a prison known as Tartarus, a little blonde girl clutched onto the arms of a small girl with green hair. She held onto her tightly as she cried silent tears. Only three hours into existence and she already knew the world was a horrible place. But she would hold her head high. Because a clone is a clone. And not every child, has equal amounts of thier parents DNA. They said she was supposed to be Katsuki. Well she wasn't, she was Mitsuki. But even so, she knew the name would never leave her mind. Just as Inko would never forget Izuku, the child she would never have. 

Chapter Text

To anyone other than Izuku the bombardment of questions from the pink haired girl would have been unanswerable. As it was they matched the speed of his own and god (heh) did he love to ask questions. 

"How did, you move the door like that? Was it your own natural strength or-"

"The door was blasted out at an angle, I used it's natural spin-"

"And capitalised in that to bend it around your body so that it slammed into the wall."

"Exactly, where were you when the explosive-"

"My baby blew up from almost directly infront of the door, it should have blasted straight out, I wonder if-"

"How strong are the hinges on the door? If it normally opens outwards them it would already be spinning when the explosion-"

"It does but it was locked. The lock is stronger than the hinges-"

"Which is why the door spun in that direction instead, and of course why it was slow enough for me to use it's momentum and rotate it."

"Precisely!"

"By the way I noticed the explosion that caused the door to be blasted outwards was while strong enough to break the lock and hinges, wasn't that strong in general. Was it intentional or-"

"No one of my babies just exploded! They do that a lot." 

"That's concerning. Oh well whatever we can address that while building nukes and implament them into your inventions."

"Mhm, I look forward to making lots of babies with you." Concerning but considering her comment from earlier about her baby blowing up I'm just gonna assume she means the inventions. "I'm Hatsume Mei but you can call me Mei or something fun. I like your attitude mister teacher-kun." 

He grinned. "The same can be said for you. Also just call me Intoxication. It's more fun to say and my villain name." He pulled a pair of soot stained gloves from his pocket dimension that contained his notebook with his god abilities and protagonist privileges. "Now, why don't we make things explode for real. I spent 35 years of my life with a guy who sweats literal explosives. If y'all don't think I have gallons of it saved you'd be wrong." The manical grin on Mei's face matched his own. Oh yes. Yes this is gonna be so much fun. 

"DUCK." 

With the reflexes of a fridge on steroids, Shinsou did the exact opposite and raised his hands to catch the random flying object, as you do. The ball of literal fluff he had snstched out of the air looked down at him from the air, silently judging him. 

"Oh. Well that's a cat. Why did someone throw a cat." He looked around him, the hallway quickly emptying of people. "God I should have stayed in the vents." He lowered the sentiant pom pom and clutched them tightly to his chest. "You're mine now. Ok." The cat didn't reply. Just silently hung limp in his arms, judging his as if they were an 8th grader, not a physical embodiment of cuteness. "I'm just gonna take that as a yes. Now, class time. God I want some coffee so bad." 

Dark shadow flew along the floor, sticking close to the walls and tailing Monoma. They watched as Monoma (almost) got impailed by a flying door and came to the conclusion that thier villain teacher of chaos was actually semi compitant. But that wasn't the point. They had a job to do. They could feel Shihai-san residing in thier body of darkness ready to make a move. Perhaps the mob hadn't managed to find the villains to attack them after the first time. But if Monoma thought the villains were still attacking now after the period had ended, well then. That would be fun to watch unfold. 

They flew up as close as he could without being seen along the wall. They could feel Shihai-san sticking his hand out of them to grab Monoma's ankle same as the first time. When we get back I'm making Tokoyami buy mushroom girl some spores or something. She embraces out inner darkness and talks to me like I'm a person not just Tokoyami. 

Monoma's shrieks when the hand clasped around his ankle and tugged him down was enough to make them silently cackle. Then with the pleasant screams of "MOTHERFUCKER" filling thier ears they turned and flew

Chapter Text

Kitten clasped gently in his arms, Hitoshi wandered the corridors of UA to find the vent entrance he was looking for. Contrary to popular belief they are not all interconnected and the ones that are aren't exactly convinient. He would rather not climb 7 stories uphill just to wind through a maze downwards just to emerge three rooms down from his starting point. Which is why he had the absolute please of meeting spiky boom boom boy who despite being a (suprisingly) good student was our in the hallways aswell. He probably thinks whatver class he had was boring or he already knew it all. I mean not like I blame him but seriously, it's only third period of the first day. You're skipping already?

"Out of my way eyebags, I've got places to be."

Hitoshi raised his brows in mock surprise. "Oh really? I thought you were just out here because you had nothing to do."

"Fuck off I'm busy."

"Don't let me get in your way."

"Wasn't planning on it." Bakugou looked like he was about to bump shoulders with Shinsou but stopped at the last minute. "Oh and that cat you've got in your arms. If your sleep deprived ass can't take care of it and feed it properly give it to me."

Hitoshi eyed him carefully. "I've only known you for like two hours now and in my opinion you are the absolute worst person to care for an animal I could find."

"SHUT U-" He cut himself off and paused, staring at the kitten who had risen from the folds of Hitoshi's jacket. "Shut up. At least I don't look like I'm constantly on the brink off passing out. Now I've got places to be. See ya later, you damn extra." He stepped around Hitoshi and carried on through the hallway. His weird stompy walk a little less loud them normal. 

Hitoshi raised the living ball of fluff to eye level. "I think that's the nicest he's ever been to anyone in his life. Maybe he's not as bad as he looks."

"Mrowrrg"

"See. You get me. Now come on, to the vents." He tucked the kitten under his arm and strode off in what was hopefully the direction of the vent passage that led him to his next class. Yes the vents were his domain but that absolutely did not mean he knew where he was going. 

Shihai let go of his quirk and felt himself slip out of dark shadow. "Thank you dark shadow for letting me use you as a vessel of darkness. And thank you too Tokoyami, for agreeing, as you are a part of dark shadow like he is a part of you, and share your inner darkness." Dark shadow preened and rubbed against him, happy to be addressed and thanked as a concious being rather than Tokoyami just being praised for using his quirk. 

"Tokoyami he's so sweet, can we keep him? He's actually nice to us and regards me as a person. Plus he hasn't said anything rude at all about your bird head."

"You can't keep a person it doesn't work like that." 

"Thank you Shihai-san, helping us spread chaos and aiding our mission given to us by Intoxication-sensei." Who looks weirdly familiar. I'm pretty sure I've seen Sensei on some fan conspiracy website for some show that's been running since the pre-quirk era. Can't remember what though. 

Mushroom girl pinched Tokoyami's arm making him jump and turn to her. "If you two are done with your edgy bonding session I just found a panel that moves next to a small engraving of a rodent. I'm pretty sure this is either a clue to what were looking for or the entrance itself." She explained tugging on his sleeve. "Could you ask Dark shadow to travel through the cracks and open the panel from the inside, I think there's a lock in there and I don't feel like breaking school property."

"Oh of course sorry."

"Yea, yea just follow me, come on." She dragged him over to a dead end corridor. "See this panel 3 from the end wall on the right? Well if you push it gently it moves just he littles bit back and if you knock on it it's hollow. Well I think it's hollow. It sounds different to the rest of the wall so I'm assuming it's hollow."

"What a mad banquet of darkness." 

"Indeed."

Mushroom girl blinked then turned back to the panel. "Ok ignoring whatever allience you two seem to be forming without me or Shouji, whose still here by the way why are none of you talking to him? Anyway we need to get Dark shadow through the panel cracks. Of course that is if dark shadow wants to. If not we can probably smash it or something."

Shouji (finally) piped up, bestowinign his wise words of wisdom onto the group. "Please don't break that." 

"No promises." Mushroom girl said in a singsong voice. "Now dark shadow, willing to find out what's behind our panel?" 

Chapter Text

Izuku looked up from the metal he was bending to place along the outside of the nuke they were building. "Hey Meimei, why is there black powder along the inside of this, and why are the wires all exposed and close to the insulative parts?"

Mei looked up from the part she was inspecting, flipping u other goggle headband type thing she seemed to have permanentpy attatched to her head. The other 4 students looked up from the sections of the nuke they were working on. Apparently more than 5 students in a lab was a liability and even if the others looked quiet and serious, they were considered dangerous enough to warrant a reinforce lab on the side of the school, so of they blew up a wall there's a 1 in 4 change it would just be the outside one and they wouldn't destroy another classroom. 

"Well the powder I got from a guy covered in scars who offered me white powder with it and said to use it together but I lost that. So it's just the black powder that I use."

Is she... Is she talking about cocaine and gunpowder? "Did the guy say to use these in your inventions?"

"Yea, he told me a little black powder and a lotta white would make everything fun."

Meimei I love you, you are now my child and my newest best friend. But girl you misinterpreted like a master. "Yea I'm pretty sure this is gunpowder, that night be why your babies keep exploding." Ok but seriously, who gave cocaine to a teenager? How much did she spend on it? She obviously has a lot if it's in every one of her inventions. 

"Wait it's gunpowder?"

"Did you seriously out mystery substance into every one of your inventions and not stop to wonder why they explode? Like, I'd do the same but really?"

"Well they exploded before as well. Just not as much. I took the explosions as a sign it was working."

He nodded then pulled at the wires. "And you have all these wires wrapped around a main metal core to preserve space right?"

"Yup." She flicked her goggles down again from the headband thing and pointed in at a part he could barely see. "See that there, that's where any electrical charge escaping the wires into the core goes to bring it back to the nuclear generator."

"Now I would say that's incredibly smart. But it's also what causes electromagnetism. You've created an electromagnetic field inside your invention. We have a high energy output flowing through it because of the energy released during an atomic reaction but from the way you work with it, I'm assuming you usually use high electrical charges?"

"Yup I do, but I didn't put that together, that was all them." She pointed to a blue haired student, carefully drilling holes to fit snugly when nailed into another piece. 

The other student looks up and nods. "That was me, my quirk generates heat energy and I have a device in my pocket I built that transforms it into electrical energy."

Interesting, energy cannot be created or destroyed so I'm assuming thier quirk turns a different type of energy into heat energy which they emitt. How interesting. I wonder if it could convert to any other type of energy. Perhaps not a heat energy conversion quirk but a energy conversion quirk first used to create heat energy that was never disputed. How did they realise it was a heat energy generation quirk and that they could harness that power. How do they harness that power? What level of heat do they produce? How did they build their device? What is it made off? How does it take all the energy from all of their body and transform it to electrical energy? Or does it just take the energy from one part of thier body?

"I used that device to power the generator I built for this. The power might be a little high tho. Not much I can do about it." They continued, ignoring his mumbling.

Izuku pulled out his notebook from his personal pocket dimension using his protagonist privileges and god status as you do. "I have about a million questions and next lesson were going to be focussing on your quirk and the devise you've built. Right now, I'm more concerned about who sold a teenager cocaine and gunpowder and why that teenager decided to buy enough to fill all thier inventions with." Snapping the notebook shut, he went back to the nuke, rubbing the gunpowder from the walls. "We're building an atom bomb besties not a low quality firework. No more gunpowder in the inventions and Meimei, your new homework is to reseach electromagnetism."

The lab door slammed open, a depressed catepillar standing in the doorway. The catepillar happened to look rather enraged. Yup. Now is infact a good time to run. 

"Midoriya."

Izuku stood up from the floor him and the kids were sitting on, in a circle with the nuke in the middle, like some sort of conveluted summoning circle. He slowly backed up towards the wall facing the outside of the school. 

"Oh Aizawa, you know I like to be called Intoxication."

"You're going to pay for interrupting my class."

He laughed. "I don't think I will." He turned and smashed his fist though the window. "Sayonara suckers." He flipped off Aizawa then dove through the open window into the abyss

Chapter Text

Tamaki was just minding his business, walking through the hallways trying not to be seen when there was a loud crash. He looked towards the window in time to see something drop by surrounded by broken glass. He wanted to say it was a green haired child flipping off the air but a seconds glance wasn't really enough to judge. He started at the window blankly for a second. Another, significantly splattier crash was headed from outside, followed by a shout of victory and the sound of running footsteps.

Tamaki turned away from the window and found a nice corner to hide and slowly bash his head against the wall. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck. 

__________

Aizawa stood in the centre of the classroom, capture weapon extended towards the shattered window, contemplating what had led him to this moment. He jumped to look out the window in time to see a grinning Izuku flipping him off hit the ground. Part of him blanched not so much as the sight of him hitting the ground, but the sight of his body drawing back together. He bones reknitting themselves together, blood lifting up from the pavement to swirl around his body and retake its place. Part of him wondered if Izuku's cells had changed in the last 200 years. With the exception of gills, he seemed to pull everything back to its rightful place. 

He was brought back to the world of the fully mentally concious by the sight of Izuku jumping up and making a run for it, whooping in victory and cackling maniacally. 

And then brought back to the world of the first years support labs by the sound of delighted chattering. "Oooh that looks fun. I wanna do that now, I know, I can build a shock absorbent baby and test it out on Intoxication-sensei since it won't hurt him anyway oh but would that ..." The pink haired girl devolved into mumbling, twirling around the tools in her hands and almost stabbing one into the desk. Oh gods no we have another one. Please god why. And what teaching her. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Wait no." Another student interrupted both his train of thought and her mumbling. "You're suggesting building it out of shock absorbent fabric but the expenses on that are higher by 57 percent than the schools budget for support students decided by grade, class, student and number of paid yearly projects per student. You couldn't afford that specific type of fabric."

"Well then what could I afford?"

"Me. My quirk is force absorber. Intoxication-sensei would be fine with you doing human experimentation on me for my quirk and it's application onto other substances. Although there is a high chance of power loader Sensei shutting it down if it isn't already started by the time he catches wind of it." Isn't that human experimentation??? On children??? Oh nevermind these are support students, they do what they want and no-one can stop them. 

He turned to leave the classroom. And then he saw the nuke. What the actual fuck?

__________

Within the LoV headquarters, Shigaraki stood before Sensei. He considered himself fairly good at reading emotions. Whatever emotions Sensei was feeling, well those were a complete mystery. From the agressive pacing around in his wheelchair, trailing his life support behind him, he guessed it was a big emotion. 

"50 years Tomura. 50 years he was gone. And now he's back, I'm... Oh gods he's back I'm gonna die."

"I still don't know who you're talking about." Perhaps a valuable player? Or an npc with a specific useful quest that can help us. He resisted the urge to scratch his neck. Sensei don't like it when he did that in his presence. 

"Him Tomura. Him. Intoxication."

"Oh." A half forgotten memory slotted into his mind, one of the few times he had seen Sensei genuinely happy. He was talking and laughing about a guy he called Intoxication. Talking about how much fun they had together and how he was sad he dropped off the face of the earth again. So another old man on life support? Actually if he was old enough to know Sensei he's probably on his deathbed right now. What a pity it would almost be game over for him.

Sensei stoped pacing. "If you ever see a green haired teenager with horrible fashion taste, wearing a shirt with words printed on them and bright red sneakers you tell me immediately ok? He'll he yelling random things that won't make sense to you, make a bunch of references to the old games I showed you and be generally very loud and impolite. He also has gills." What does a weird fish teen have to do with Sensei's old man? Oh well, better not to question him. 

"Of course Sensei. I'll try to remember to."

Somewhere on the grounds of UA a green haired boy with gills sneezed, and felt incredibly offended for some reason

Chapter Text

Izuku was in the middle of teaching his fourth period class (1A again he hadn't gotten to gen-ed or business yet for some reason), well teaching was a broad term, when he saw him. A blonde haired boy, sparkles all around him, staring right though the screen and into the souls of the people. "OK BITCHES LISTEN UP." The exited chatter stopped for a moment. "Ok well first off you guys have to stop listening to people that quickly Jesus. What are you gonna hear a villain say wait a second, and just stop in the middle of a battle? No. Well I hope not so listen up kiddos, stop listening to your teachers. Unless they have a satisfactory reason for you to listen to them you don't need to do shit."

"THAT IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE ADVICE FROM AN AUTHORITY FIGURE SUCH AS YOURSELF!!!"

"Well first off no and second off engine legs, I love the volume, but I don't need to be lectured by a teacher who thinks they're better than me cuz they scare a class I to silence, so lower it down a bit."

"Apologies Sir, but your advice is encouraging wrongful behaviour."

Izuku smiled at the kid. He listened, he's willing to listen to what I say, despite not judging me to be a good teacher. It'll take a while to break out of his mentality but I can do it. "I'll argue this later blue child, for now I did infact have something to say."

He hopped up on the podium thingy he liked to sit on and stood up for dramatic affect. He hooked his arms in the ceiling supports and drew himself up to crouch there. "I want you all to move the desks to the sides of the classroom and make a pile of chairs. You all have to work together to put the chairs together and make them fit properly. But the end of this everyone needs to fit onto the top of the pile without toppling it. Any questions?"

A flurry of questions erupted from the class and he waited for them to sort themselves out. Engine child seemed to be organising half the class while the rest tried to be the loudest to get thier questions heard. This is really inaffective. Like bro do none of you know how to organise yourselves? This could be a time sensitive scenario where certain questions need to be asked and they'd just keep struggling. Jeez I have so much work to do. 

In the commotion he swung himself over to the other side of the classroom and dripped down next to sparkle boy.

"✨You have the aura of a god✨"

"So do you."

"✨You don't appear to be one of the old gods, why are you here?✨"

"I found them over my journey past the human lifespan. I gained godhood when my rebellion started to worship me"

"✨Ah, so a new god✨"

"Correct." He eyed the sparkly boy carefully. The way he stared at Izuku's eyes made him feel like he was looking right through him into his soul. And with no knowledge of the boy's history he couldn't misstep. Or maybe he could. "You seem to be new to having a mortal vessel."

"✨What makes you say that mon ami?✨"

"You have exceptional knowledge of your quirk and how use it, but didn't remove drawbacks when creating it." 

The sparkly god eyed him carefully. "✨That's not to say your own quirk isn't without drawbacks✨" Aaaaaand now is the time to change conversation. Nope nope nope not going down that existential crisis.

"So... Sparkle god, how did you become a god?" Oh fuck if I just overstepped a boundary I do not want to be here to witness my cosmic comeuppance. 

"✨Ah what a wonderful story it is✨" Oh thank the gods he's chill. "✨I found a holy cheese in a past life. Couple centuries later I rejoin the world of the humans to spread cheese and scare the watchers by staring into thier souls✨"

"Makes sense not gonna question it."

"✨Good✨"

Why does that feel so passive agressive? Whatever. "Well I personally have a group of screaming mortals to deal with so I will be back"

He macarinad away semi agressivly ignoring the cheese diety's question of "are you the immortal doctor?" Great, time to deal with a superpowered gang of children. He took one look at the mess and retreated to the roof of the classroom. Let them work it out on thier own, it's basically a learning experience. God I'm so glad the classrooms are soundproofed. Wait are they soundproofed? Fuck. He watched as some students began to haphazardly throw together a pile, explosions going off in the middle as knock off Fury was burried under a pile of chairs. Huh, so maybe these kids aren't so bad after all.

In the hallway outside, Shouji turned and left, clutching his mask with 3 of his hands, unwilling to join whatever the fuck that was. Consequences be damned he'd rather hang out with the 1b kids searching for secret passageways than he would join whatever the fuck that was.

Chapter Text

Ink slowly stood up, blood covered hands dropping to thier sides. The first hero, the murderer of thousands of the quirked lay still below thier feet. The walls of the hero commison building were not closing in on them. There was no internal conflict over killing him. It was a good thing even. They felt almost giddy with excitement. If they were anywhere else they could take off thier mask and laugh. But they were in the hero commison building. And there was a dead hero at thier feet and an 8 year old kid in the hallway. 

They walked over to the door, vines of dark red ink peeling off thier skin and coming up to cover thier limbs till all the blood was hidden. They opened the door and grinned. "Hey Greeny. You got the hallways on loop right?"

The kid looked up from his laptop and nodded. He closed the laptop carefully then jumped up to hug Ink. "You call me Intoxication on missions. Just so they don't know remember." Oh right. Smart kid. 

"Right almost forgot. Anyway it's time to run kid." He brightened up immediately and detatched himself from thier hug. "Not so fast kid, don't want u getting hurt alright." 

"Sorry Ink." 

"Its ok Toxxy, gotta cover you though." They scooped up the kid, vines spreading out to cover him. He was ridiculously light for an 8 year old, or maybe Ink was just ridiculously strong for a 14 year old. Either way it was easy to carry him. 

They ran along the corridor, laughing freely and loudly when they saw the heroes coming to stop them. "When you go out, you go out with a BANG" They yelled, setting off the bomb attatched to thier stomach. The Ink closed around thier body as they were blasted straight up into the air and through several ceilings, until they finally got up into open sky. Shots fired around them ricocheted off the solid ink as they went into freefall. 

Greeny was curled into a tight ball, hanging onto thier neck and unwilling to lift his head. The vines unwound from the pair and stop out to grab onto the tops of skyscrapers and propell them up through the city. This was the age of quirks. And if anyone was gonna be the face of thier war it was them. So they'd take down the heroes, one murderer at a time. An army of living tattoos writhed beneath the skin of every criminal in the city. This was thier war. And they'd do anything to keep thier new siblings safe. 

----------

Ink soared through the sky over the battlefield happily. There was a bullet lodged in thier shoulder but it was ok becuase this was thier last battle anyway. Today was the day they died and that was ok becuase they had already done what they had to. It had been hard, seeing Greeny stop aging at 16, seen how he really was immortal and see how he would never age with them. They were 50 now and he never aged put of being a teenager. But it had been harder to watch Fury die and they'd give anything for him to be immortal too. But the past was the past and now they'd join Fury in whatever happened after death. After 36 long years of fighting, this would end the war. 

They let the vines drop and fell down into the battle. Right above his head. Right above the head of the man on which society leaned. The head of the hero commison. And as they fell, bullets shit through thier stomach, as if a falling corpse wouldn't keep its tattoos. And as they fell down the vines extended and thier tattoos took control. 

"Heh. Izuku Midoriya, I chose you." 

Darkness. 

Chapter Text

Izuku was just minding his own business walking to lunch to see if lunch rush lived up to the legend when a white scarf wrapped unceremoniously around his torso and dragged him into a classroom. 

"Damn purple catepillar if u wanted me that bad you could've just asked. Unfortunately for you I'm wayyyy out of your age bracket." Aizawa stared at him shocked for a moment before morphing back into his original anger. 

"You are a discrace of a teacher-"

"Yea I know."

"You are teaching these kids nothing. Why Nedzu even lets you in here is beyond me."

"..." Izuku dropped his normal happy attitude and let climate change inducing anger enter him. The no. 1 motivator for anything was rage and if he was going to get any words through the overgrown eggplants head he needed to match his energy. And of the vibes were bad vibes well fuck it he was gen z, he knew how to be a bitch. 

"I'm not teaching them anything you say. I'm a bad teacher you say. Oh don't make me laugh, when have I ever pretended to be an adult. When have I ever seemed like I would be a good person to teach children math, Japanese, English, hero law, any of the subjects you want to put them in. When have I ever come across as the sort of guy who genuinely wants to teach teenagers subjects they hate.

"Its education-"

"Shut your trap. Ain't noone wanna hear that shit. I'm not here to be another teacher like you. I'm not here to make them do subjects they don't want to and force them to learn. I'm here, in what is honestly a souped up militant training camp for teenagers to be their light. Do you know the death rates for new heroes Aizawa? Actually scratch that of course you do you've lost a friend before he even graduated UA. Yes I know about Obero, I knew his great grandfather and kept up with the family line. 

The first ten years after they leave this god forsaken school is the death zone. If a hero makes it though that time they probably won't die in early. But the majority die within those 5 years. You can go on with your life, saying you're giving those children the nessesary skills to survive out there all you want. Those kids signed a death warrant the moment they turned 14. 

You can't really tell me you expect most of those kids to last can you? Oh please, half of them will die before they're 30. And they'll die fighting people the rest of their lives for a cause that shouldn't even exist in the first place.

I'm not here to teach these kids Aizawa. I'm here to be thier light. I'm here to be a source of fun and games. I'm here to make sure these kids get the childhood they deserve because they're missing out on three years that they'll never have the time to get back. 

You know at most hero funerals they say 'they died for a noble cause' or 'they had a good life and died doing what they loved'. A good life oh please. They spend three whole years of thier lives fighting thier friends and being attacked. Piling up that PTSD and trauma in a school that doesn't even have a therapist. 

These kids aren't gonna live long Aizawa. I'm just here to make sure they get the childhood they otherwise would have missed. Because believe me, none of them are ever gonna finish every item on their bucket lists. I pray to the gods they live until they graduate this school."

"..."

Well shit that might have been a little extreme. Oh well. He let go of the climate change rage and went back into his normal chaotic mindset. 

"Keep that in mind mkay? Good, luv ya, ba byeeee" He wriggled out of the scarfs bindings and ran out the classroom. God I fucking hate social interaction. Aight time to see if the lunch rush legend is really true.

Inside the vents above the classroom Shinsou silently cackled. He probably should've been sad about his adoptive father getting verbally bashed by a literal god but like the internet drama of the 2021 comeback of covid, it was fun to watch people call others out on thier bullshit. Carefully he snuck away leaving his dad sitting on the floor of the classroom staring blankly at a wall, having an existential crisis.

Chapter Text

All Might say in the staff room a little confused, Aizawa had told him that he needed class 1A for hero training today and that all mights teaching would be starting tomorrow. He was kind of sad, he'd planned to give the kids a big entrance of him being there, then making them fight each other in glorious battle but the more he thought the more he realised that wasn't a great idea for children with no training. Maybe it's a good thing Aizawa-san took them for today. 

The bell for end of lunch rang but with no class to go to he just sat there and continued to ear the godly food produced by lunch rush for him.

Izuku basically breezed through 5th period, continuing to build the bomb with the support class and teaching them all obscure meme references and telling stories a out the rabbit hole of the political side of Tumblr vs 4chan war. Electricity generator kids name was Arkira but he just decided to call them world ender. World ender just so happened to be veryyyy into theoretical astrophysics which Izuku had a degree in so they spent the remainder of the period talking about the practical uses of harnessing energy from dark matter while building the bomb.

That and the combat uses of mechanisimg detatchable titties becuase of course if humans had to evolve over the course of 200 years of quirks the no 1 evolution was replaceable boobs. Which Izuku wasn't complaining about but he didn't exactly evolve alongside the rest of humanity so he unfortunately did not have screw holes in his chest to twist in the tits. Which was a bummer cuz massive mommy milkers sounds fun if they're removable.

He was feeling mostly good until he walked into his 6th period gen ed class. The vibes. The vibes were horrible. It was like if prep school and Colledge exam season had a love child. And he was not going to stand for the slander of his good energy. 

"OK LISTEN UP GEN ED" he yelled slamming the door fully open, pulling in all the energy he could muster. Which wasn't a lot but when you live on energy drinks and recycled twitter for 2 centuries you start to be able to summon the heart palpitations at will. "Ok bitches I'm your new teacher, my villain name's Intoxication, you can read about me in the history books yes I'm that one guy from the dawn of quirks who was Ink's fabled hacker, the co-leader of the revolution and who claimed to be a god and have a cult. All of it is true, the cult still exists in a different universe called discord. Anyways I'm your new teacher any questions."

A beat of silence before some brave child raised thier hand. "Sir what the actual fuck." 

"Don't swear child. I'm immortal so I'm allowed to... Don't take that seriously by the way ur allowed to swear."

"... Ok then."

"No-one in this class is much of a talker huh?"

Another student raised thier hand. "Intoxication-sensei I just want to graduate from a school that will guarantee me a job and avoid the hero students at all costs."

"You know what fair enough I'm supposed to be teaching your class English." He grinned. "Let's go over some common historical phrases and what they mean." 

50 minutes and 20 extremely confused students later Izuku walked out of that classroom satisfied even if he had taught the kids absolutely nothing in the course work they did understand what used to be common English terms and how abbreviations work. 

He happily entered a ceiling vent and slithered along the passageways till he got to his favorite nook to watch security footage from. Pulling out his phone he opened up Nedzu's footage from the hero training grounds, appriciating the older years and writing down quirk improvements for a blonde boy named Mirio when he finally switched to class 1A with Aizawa and tuned into the audio.

"As you all knew the person last placing on the quirk apprehension test would be expelled. Yayurozo I can see you're thinking it's a logical ruse. Its not. Hakagure you placed last, go back to the classroom and collect your stuff, you're expelled."

... Motherfucker. He couldn't stand up in his vent position but instead started to formulate a plan in his mind. Hakagure was already practically the queen of stealth. And if he could give her just a little push in the right direction and invisible clothes from his support class well just because she was expelled who said she had to leave. He'd let Nedzu know so her school card stayed active and let her enter, Nedzu knew not to snitch to Aizawa. He enjoyed the impending chaos and/or doom too much to spoil the fun.

With knowledge of the vent system that came from living in it for months before the start of the new term he found his was to the outside of the classroom and waited for her to show up. And show up she did. Sniffling quietly but not crying quite yet she stood infront of the door, clothes showing how her body sagged defeated. 

"Hey, psssst, Invisibitch, up here." He presumed she looked up becuase she gasped and whispered back to him.

"Yes? What do you want?"

"You don't wanna be expelled right?"

"No shit I worked hard to cheat my way through the entrance exam. I deserve to be here." 

"Perfect you're becoming another resident cryptid. Aizawa won't even know you're here, now come up we've got work to do." 

He pulled out the vent grate and swing his upper body out, arms reaching down to her which he felt her grab, before pulling his upper body along with her back up to the vent system. 

"You know how to be stealthy right?"

"Who do you take me for?"

"Fair enough, first order of business were gonna make you invisible clothes. Then you get to learn everything I know. An invisible sniper is ten times more deadly than one you can see, hiding in plain sight is a blessing and you have that down to a t."

She giggled excitedly and wiped at her eyes to get rid of the remaining tears. "Hell yea, I get to stay."

"That's right you do, now come on, we've got a genius inventor to visit." He turned and dragged her through the vent passages. This was gonna be so much fun. And Aizawa, well Aizawa would pay. 

Chapter Text

Hagakure followed closely behind Intoxication-sensei in the vents. She had admitted to cheating her way into UA in the heat of the moment since she was getting expelled anyway. And if she was going to be a villain now well cheating the UA exam to the top score was quite the achievement. But now Intoxication-sensei was giving her a change to stay and if anything seemed impressed with her for cheating. Oh and how impressed he'd be when she told him.

-------

Hagakure arrived on UA grounds 3 hours early and checked in. Happily she babbled to the teacher there she was going to explore her future high school, the teacher just laughing at her confidence and letting her go "explore". She went into one of the bathrooms, took off her uniform keeping the backpack and hid it neatly folded in the ceiling vent. She was used to the feeling of not wearing anything, even if it did make her feel weirdly vunerable. Leaving the bathroom via the window so people wouldn't see the door open and close on its own she set off for the mock cities. 

UA could claim the contents of the exam a secret all they wanted but it was only impossible to find online. Find one failed examine and they'll spill everything for free. And how she'd dispaired when she found out it was robots. She wasn't a physical fighter in the slightest. But connections through the web of failed UA examinees led her to the web of vigilantes and the web of vigilantes led her to the web of informants. And informants had connections to illegal support gear makers and 3 months later she had 50 bombs an invisible backpack and a lot of new "friends".

So she walked off towards one of the mock cities, a map perfectly preserved in her memory. The mock cities barely changed every year, and via hundreds of failed examinees recounts she'd built a map of the spawn points and where the 3 pointer major spawn point was. She made her way inside the silent city, half feeling like a villain and all the more powerful for it. Quietly they made thier way to the point thier mental map led and found the dumpster if legend. Many a student had seen it explode upwards into the air, robot coming out after it. It probably wasn't the main entrance but a back one was a hundred times better anyway. 

She stared at the dumpster of legend it looked mostly normal, but she knew how special it was. In the normally silent state if the city, the noise of an abnormally light and movable dumpster rang out clear in all its clangy plastic glory. And underneath the beautiful dumpster of legend was the very thing she was looking for. A perfectly circle hole in the floor, the shiny metal of the robots just visible in the darkness. Holy shit it's actually here... HOLY SHIT ITS ACTUALLY HERE. I MENTAL MAPPED THE RIGHT PLACE. First pumping the air she silently celebrated before getting back down to business, to defeat, the robots. 

She carefully lowered herself down till she was hanging by the fingertips, her toes touching the head of a single robot. Years of gymnastics practice let her swing carefully from limb to limb down to the floor swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a greath typhoon. She was half afraid the robots would have heat detectors but it appeared motion detectors were the only ones. And when you're invisible there isn't exactly any way for you to show up on those. 

Half an hour of remaining time and hagakure couldn't be more proud of herself. She pulled the bombs from her backpack and began carefulling attatching them to the weak points of the robots, she had gathered from the failed examinees. Grinning as she did it she pulled out her phone and called the one person who had helped her through all of this, who she cared about deeply. The one person who could never he a hero, but that was alright becuase Tooru would be a hero for the both of them. 

"Heyyy Himiko-chan, wanna hear the good news?"

There was a slight scuffle on the other side of the phone, followed by a scream of pain and the subsequent muffling of the sound and muttered "shut the fuck up." Tooru sighed happily to herself and continued to attach the bombs as she waited. "TOORU-CHANNNNNNN. WHAT HAPPENED DID IT WORK TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME."

Tooru giggled, Himiko's enthusiasm was infectious. "Settle down babes, I can't have them hear me, I'm not failing this exam before it even starts."

"Oh oops. Sorry."

"Don't worry it's all good so far, I'm in, I've got the bombs, everything is working out so far. Let's just see how much I inoress the rat god."

"Ooooh I can't wait, you're going to be number one it's gonna be so good. You're gonna become a hero Tooru-chan, not just my hero but like a bunchhhhh of others." Hakagure smiled softly then made sure to keep her voice low, the less sound the better. 

"I will be Himiko, trust me. And when I'm a hero I'll rule Japan right from the top. And when I rule you'll be right behind me ruling the underworld. Just wait, we'll be the queen's of this society. All might won't know what hit him."

Himiko's cackling on the other end was almost endearing, despite the sound of ripping flesh and muffled screams. "You'll do great, I know you will. Now fucking rock that exam and I'll be waiting for you back in the tree for after you talk to the almighty rat god."

"Ok babes, just you wait, I'll imoress even you."

"I'll be waiting. Now go go go, win this shit for us, mwah."

"Luv ya, ba byee."

"Byee."

Himiko hung up the phone before she had the chance to and she stared at the screen for a second before putting it away and finishing up the robots. Sitting carefully back to back with the last robot, she waited for the inevitable shout of present Mic. This was her exam, and there was no way she was going to lose.

Chapter Text

Bakugou stormed away from the training grounds where the quirk assesment had taken place, not noticing Shinsou following behind him with an expression of pure boredom. "Stupid fucking teacher motherfucker. The fuck does he think he is expelling Invisibitch like that there's no fucking way she came last. The grape fucker was way more likely to."

"A good point but Aizawa wouldn't do that." 

Balugo wipped around, so agressivly you'd think by his already backward leaning gait he would have fallen on his ass. By some miracle however he seemed to have perfected the art of permantly walking horizontally in the classic nuerodivergent pose and it would take more than a simple jumpscare to topple him. "The fuck are you following me for? You wanna fight bitch."

"No, I simply wanted to talk. Apparently that's not something you're able to do."

"Ehh. You piss me off."

"Lovely to know I have that much of an emotional impact but that wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well spit it out already I haven't got all day."

"You have a villainous quirk."

Bakugou blinked at him dumbstruck before the normal angry persona came back. "Of course I fucking do what did you think I had."

"I knew you had a villainous quirk. Did you get bullied for it? Oh who am I kidding of course you did."

Maybe the hurt Bakugou felt wouldn't have been obvious to anyone else. The agressive nature was a perfect mask after all, on more ways than one. But it's possible to tell from the way his posture drooped, the way his hands played with little explosions over and over again with a satisfying pop noise. "Of course I fucking was. What do you think parents would think of me? Me defending myself was seen as an attack until I became the human personification of a bomb threat. The number one candidate for villain of the district. But I'll show them I'll be better than fucking all might. I'll be the no 1 hero and no-one can stop me."

"That's great and all but I don't really care. Wanna be friends now?" 

"I don't become friends with extras."

"You get to co-parent the kitten."

"We have a deal egg fucker."

---------------

Biscuits in one hand and a can of Izuku's newest attempt at recreating a monster in the other, Hagakure sat in a vent room opposite Izuku. "And that," she finished of her sentance. "Is part one of how I cheated my way into UA."

"Part one."

"Yup, shit doesn't end there. I have a loooooot of connections to the underworld and there's no way in hell I'm simply relying on Nedzu accepting what I did with the robot base to impress him."

"Intriguing. I think I've found a new successor to bring to the top and crush society."

"Trust me, I could do it without your help. Me and Himiko will rule Japan."

"Its always good to have a god in your corner. Now please, tell me more."

---------------

As the last robot exploded and she waited behind the remains of another to stay out of the way of the blast, she put in her headphones and sent a simple :) to la Brava. The hacker was one of the nicest people she had ever met, and was happy to help her get the footage of the fake city from the heroes, for a price of course. 

A link popped up in her inbox and she clicked it, footage from one of the cameras playing as she opened split screen to take notes. Walking slowly out of the mock city and up to Nedzu's office she carefully took notes of each point she could claim, being sure to make sure they were all in order of where she could realistically have been, cleaning all the kills that weren't immediately apparently done by the other test takers around her and the ones involving explosions similar to that of the bombs she used.

Soon she reached the corridor of Nedzu's office and put her phone away into her invisible backpack after memorising the list. Nedzu had surely been tracking her movemtns through the school but she wasn't going to let him watch her at this moment in time. Anything she could do to throw him off kilter was worth it.

For the first time ever, someone knocked on Nedzu's doors. 

Chapter Text

Nedzu was casually sipping his tea when his motion sensors detected something moving in the general direction of his office. Switching tabs to his video footage he realised it was a single phone floating along the way. Curious but not alarmed he watched it move along the halls, clearly headed towards his office, before it stopped, jerked backwards and dissapeared. "Curiouser and curiouser." He muttered softly to himself. Then his features split into a grin matching the Cheshire cat. Many people in this school have a quirk suited for levitation. I wonder who it was. Perhaps it was the invisible girl in the exam. Impressive but against the rules. It really would be such a waste to fail her.

Sighing softly he went back to his tea, after all, it had gone backwards and dissapeared, it wasn't his problem anymore. A single knock echoed throughout the room. He stilled slowly and put his cup down. No-one had ever knocked on his door before. He always opened it a split second before they could to confuse them and put him in a higher position of power. 

Gently he pushed the button to open the door. Even his enhanced animal ears couldn't pick up the sound of footsteps, so it almost made him react when the voice of a teenage girl chirped from barely a metre infront of him. 

"Hey Nedzu-san. There's something I wanna talk to you about if you have a minute."

He could basically hear her smile, she sounded so warm and genuine, evidently not meaning to scare him. 

"Why yes I do, but first would you like some tea?"

--------

Tooru grinned almost manically, curling her fingers over and over in little circles at her sides. Excitement flowed through her veins like a fridge on steroids (a feeling Shinsou would come to have in the future). Carefully changing her voice to sound as sincere as she could, she refused herself to lie her way into the fucking top. "Yea I'd like some tea, it tastes good."

The animal principal pushed over a cup of tea which she took and happily drunk, knowing he couldn't posion her without reprocussions he would have to care about. 

"Well you see I'm invisible and took my clothes off so that I wouldn't be seen by the robots. But that means the cameras couldn't see my takedowns either." 

"On the contrary we could see the dumpster you moved, and the robots all being destoryed in that spawn point. I commend you on your takedowns. 69 points gained and 23 robots destroyed. Almost impressive if it weren't against the rules."

She made herself laugh before responding. "Well the rules are made for people who need to play by them to win. If you had any idea all the effort I went through to do that you'd be even more impressed, and I know you are. What I came here to say is after setting the bombs and counting the timer I left the spawn point to fight villains in the rest of the city. Here's what I did..."

--------

Nedzu listened to the girl with an increasing sense of awe. The memory of her events in perfect order and a clear path throughout the city were almost perfect, she described exactly how she has taken each of them down not the other contestants and everything lined up. He couldn't tell she was lying, when you live your life unable to show others your expressions you become a master at manipulating your voice. With no visible body there is no body language to give you away. And when you learn how to be silent in your movements, no-one can stop you. So he believes her, so he listened and beloved her as her scores ticked up and up until she had a total of 126 villain points and 12 hero points. 

"You Hagakure, you're an interesting student. So I'll tell you right now. I'm putting you in 1A, and whatever Aizawa choses to do about you in his class is not my problem. I hope to see you again in my office. Its not often a human intrests me. However you, I know you're going to be important."

--------

Aizawa stared blankly at the scores report on the new students and his class allocation. The top student, higher than any of the recommendation students was an unremarkable, invisible girl. And the blurb specifically written by Nedzu made his blood boil. He wasn't going to allow anyone so selfish to become a hero. No matter how well they did. If she was going to sabotage the rest of the examinees who says she wouldn't do the same to his class. 

But there was always the quirk aprihension test. As long as she didn't score too high he could tweak her scores a little. Satisfied he crumpled up the paper, curled up in his sleeping bag and went to sleep, unaware of the hell this decision would cause, and the reprocussions an immortal god would bring to him.

Chapter Text

Izuku listened to Invisibitch's story with a growing delight at her actions. "Hey kid, I'm adopting you, you are my child now, you are Hi-chan's sibling, and you're going to be the best fucking villain, I mean hero since my revolution."

She laughed in a way too fake for his ears. "Fat chance I just got expelled."

"And I'm unexpelling you, you're graduating under me and no-ones even gonna know."

The next laugh was a lot less fake, yet 200 years of experience being forced to socialise and graduate from the stuttering mess he used to be let him know every single thing that came out of her mouth was carefully crafted to convey specific emotions and expressions. Not fake, just perfect. It made his skin crawl. He couldn't be more proud. 

"Do you maybe have space for a second student to graduate under your villainous guide?" 

Intriguing. "And who would that be." Toga Himiko, my." She paused uncertain. "My friend, and whatever a villains hero would be." Colour me interested, I want tea. 

"Yes yes I'll teach her too, however first you have to meet my support class students, they're probably mostly gone now that school's out but I know one pink haired maniac whose probably still there." With the grace of a god, which he happened to be, he led her through the Vent tunnels to the support class, stopping on the way to watch the reunion of Octoman, My chemical crowmance, mushroom girl and shadow dude through a vent. They eventually reached the support classroom which was thankfully not blown off its hinges when he opened the door. 

"MEIMEI I GOT A NEW PROJECT. Oh and hi other student what's your name?"

--------

 Bakugou and Shinsou sat silently in the grass, half a metre apart, kitten sitting confused between them. 

"That is the most fucking adorable bean I've ever seen in my entire god damn life. I would kill anyone who dares hurt it."

"Agreed, what should we name it?"

"Tiny explosion murder. Tem for short."

"That's the same acronym as a microscopy technique."

"Shut up it's Tem now."

"Alright."

Shinsou looked straight at Bakugou before lightly punching his arm to get him to look up. "What the fuck was that for you egg headed bitch." Bakugou muttered in the most agressive way possible while staying quiet to not startle the kitten, slowly scooping up the newly named Tem to deposit in his lap, scooping it up with the backs of his hands to not get nitroglycerin on it. 

"Can I use my quirk on you?"

"Absolutely not."

"Fair enough, wanna bond over our respective trauma being seen as the villain kids?" 

"Trauma bonding is for losers."

"Then you're a loser."

"Fuck you, we're having a depression session, you can cry into Tem if you want to cause there's no way in hell you're getting my shoulder."

--------

Walking by his support lab Power loader heard the noise of people inside. Which was odd considering he had only left Mei to use it after he was finished. About to open the door he paused and reconsidered. One of the voices he could hear inside was distinctly the voice of Intoxication, and if there was one villain he didn't want to mess with it was him. Carefully and quietly he backed away from the classroom before jogging away back up to the safety of the staffroom feeling like he was being chased by someone walking slowly but keeping up the entire time.

--------

Izuku stood inside the classroom content watching Mei, Hagakure, and God-ish (odd name but he had an intern named Cult managing his cult so who was he to judge) when he heard footsteps approaching the door. Adult footsteps. He listened closely before the person left the classroom and borderline ran away, while he continued to talk to the children of chaos he was slowly collecting. His inner paranoid Midoriya wanted to go check who it was and like most times, the inner Midoriya won. He silently opened the classroom door and looked out to see power loader jogging away and breathed a sigh of relief before turning back to God-ish who was in the process of demonstrating how she hid her babies in her afro.

Unlike Mei's babies these were alive. Living creatures. Hybrids if god knows how many species. Abominations. It was beautiful, he vibed with her already. She and Mei were talking so fast about thier respective babies he could barely tell who was saying what while Hagakure just stood off to the side occasionally interjecting with a random piece of relevant knowledge they would both pause to listen to then continue thier rapid fire discussion. The best friends you will ever make are the ones you either trauma bond with or become besties for life in under ten minutes. My little chaos gremlins, they grow up so fast.

Chapter Text

With the noise of hero training going on in the background Izuku sat in a circle with Meimei, God-ish and Invisibitch staring at a pile of black fabric in the middle of them. Nobody spoke a word as they sat in silence staring at it. 

"So are we summoning a demon with our eyes or are we gonna get miss unseeable over here to try it on?" He finally asked breaking the spell of silence. 

Which ultimately started a chant between Meimei and God-ish of "demon, demon, demon, demon." 

Ignoring the other two Invisibitch picked up the black material and eyed it over. "God-ish can you hold my boobs, they're not gonna fit in this." She murmured unscrewing them from her chest and handing them to God-ish. They stayed invisible even when seperated from her which Izuku found fascinating. They probably weren't her originals since it's very easy to lose invisible flesh lumps, he'd have to talk with the company she bought them off of the technology would be useful in designing her invisible gear. God-ish stored the invisible tits in her afro along with her living babies, hopefully they wouldn't try eating them. 

Invisibitch went into the makeshift cubicle they constructed of sheets of metal to change into the black clothes them came back out shaking her head. The clothes shimmered in and out of visibility on her, not being completely unseeable at any point. "Half fail." She said shaking her head. "They try to blend into my flesh and use my mutation to be invisible but I think my quirk is rejecting it since it doesn't contain my DNA." 

"OOH INTERESTING LETS MAKE IT CINTAIN YOU THEN." Mei half screamed jumping up and down in excitement before running up to Invisibitch and picking her up princess style to spin her around in circles. 

"Woah woah woah Meimei put me down I don't wanna get dizzy."

With the strength of a fridge in steroids Mei chucked her over to God-ish who barely caught her before jumping up on the table and pointing at the ceiling. "TO THE DRAWING BOARD, INVISIBITCH WERE TAKING YOU BLOOD SOMEONE GIVE ME A NEEDLE."

Shouji held hands with mushroom girl and the two human embodiments of the emo subculture, his remaining five hands hanging limp buy his side's, as he dragged them across campus. After getting over the initial shock of whatever the fuck they were searching for he had decided they were his kids and he was adopting them. 

Which was fine he was happy to let them chatter and plot how they were going to take over the school using catacombs or something so long as they were staying put and not murdering someone. 

Maybe it was because me was on edge, maybe it was becuase he had learnt into the energy of his new kids, but when he rounded the corner and came face to face with All might he panicked, punched him in the face and ran for it, loading his kids onto his back and booking it. 

Mushroom girl was scream laughing holding onto one arm for dear life while my chemical crowmance and his alter ego started a vocal stim loop of "what a mad banquet of darkness." 

Oh god I just punched the number one. I'm dead. I'm fucking dead oh god.

All might sat on the floor stunned back into his small might form. He cradled his nose in one hand, where he'd been punched by god knows what. He looked around to see a blur in the distance of tangled limbs and mushrooms. Extremely confused he got to his feet and walked off to recovery girl, mentally preparing himself for her lecture or laughter.

Chapter Text

Human experimentation was probably mildly illegal seeing as none of them were medical professionals nor scientists but Izuku went to Colledge for 12 decades so he was as qualified as to could get and God-ish and Meimei were good enough. They had the right vibe to chop people up and be trusted with the decapitated parts. Thankfully nothing that extreme had to be done. Invisibitch sat on thier probably unsanitary workbench as Izuku took the needle he stole off recovery girl via the vents out of her arm. He slapped a bandaid on the spot and disconnected the needle from the bloodbag.

Recovery girl was too busy lecturing Nana's dumbass successor and hadn't paid any attention to him raiding her cupboards in the background. It was odd though how familiar her voice sounded. Reminded him of an old friend but he couldn't remember who. Maybe he'd figure it out when he saw her face. He shook off his thoughts as he handed the bloodbag to Mei. This was a bad time to lose focus. 

"God-ish on a level of 1 to 10 how responsible are you?"

"No."

"Good enough take this needle, don't stab yourself and sneak into the sick bay. Toss it in a sharps bin and come back here you understand?"

"Yup." She called already half out the door flicking the needle over her fingers like a pen from hand to hand. 

She'll be fine. Probably. Now how are we going to put little miss see me not's blood into clothes. Oh and I should really make that call. Wait crap hero courses still have training right now I should be watching them. 

He jumped up and grabbed a bag of random tools on one of the desks. "I gotta run kids go work your science on the blood I'll be back at some point." He half yelled to them, jumping up on the desks then up to the ceiling supports and through the vents, dissapearing from sight.

----------

Bakugou and Shinsou stood at the back of the class in the shade watching the two verses two battle going on in the building infront of them. 

"This is a horrible way to judge our ability."

"Shut up egghead the heroes know what they're doing."

"All might literally left to go find something from inside and shouji over there," he pointed to the 8 armed man nervously holding his newly adopted friends/children who weren't even in that class. "Punched our lovely teacher in the face. We are being led by robo boy. Robo boy. What about this seems like a good idea?"

Bakugou growled as small explosions went off in his palms. "Nothing eggfucker but we can pretend. Let there be some semblance of order on our first day stuck in this godforsaken school."

"Ya know maybe proving everyone wring wasn't worth it. Fuck this I'm bored."

"Well guess what so are we all, but we gotta stay and you aren't leaving me with those extra's."

"Why a lovely way to refer to your classmates."

"You ain't disagreeing."

Shinsou shrugged. "Well you aren't wrong."

A minute passed in silence, Shinsou just staring at the building while Bakugou ground the grass out of the dirt in a circle with his pacing. 

"Do you ever stand still?"

"DO YOU EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP?"

"I'm not the one yelling."

"Shut up you extra."

"From egghead to extra. I've been downgraded, how dissapointing."

"I hate you."

"Love you too blasty."

"Suck my dick."

Another 5 minutes if silence ensued, Shinsou just standing there content while Bakugou silently fumed. 

"I don't actually hate you egghead."

"I'm perfectly aware."

"Stop killing the conversation it's like talking to a fucking wall."

"And you're a living bomb, you don't exactly make great company."

"Nevermind I do hate you."

----------

Shouji stood with the rest of his class, mushrooms girl, shadow boy and bird boy still in his arms, overthinking absolutely everything.

"Can I be let down yet?" Mushroom girl asked borrowing further into his arms despite her words. 

"You are a literal embodiment of chaos. You're leading a mini underground organisation facing off against the rest of ur class trying to find catacombs. You are not even remotely trusted to touch the ground."

"You suck." She mumbled closing her eyes and curling up more, more little mushrooms sprouting over his arms with every breathe she took.

Adorable. I'm so fucked. I'm absolutely not ready for fatherhood this is going to go horribly. 

Chapter Text

Tooru sat dumbstruck on the desk as Mei and God-ish ran around in circles grabbing shit from benches and swinging around her bag of blood. 

"Meimei babe can u go grab my microscope, it's under that sheet if metal over by the broken window."

"Yup." Mei parctically leapt across the room and picked up the sheet like it was light as a grey coloured chair which has circle stickers on the side that nobody really likes to sit in but teachers force you too and they're really light and plastic. Anyways she picked it up easy as fuck and grabbed the microscope under. "CATCH."

Tooru jumped and got off the bench to grab the flying microscope. 

"Careful with the tools babes." God-ish shouted from across the room, grabbing a hammer to use for god knows what. 

"I know I know." Mei let go of the sheet which fell to the floor with a clang. 

"Well it was lovely meeting you two and I wish you the best if luck with my blood but I'm gonna get nakey and skedaddle."

She quickly stripped off her school uniform, she didn't want to be seen by Aizawa (that hoe) afterall. She tossed her clothes to Mei to use for her DNA on the fabric and got God-ish to open the door so she wouldn't be seen as nothing opening a door. Carefully she stepped out, quieting her footsteps despite noone being around, not wanting Nedzu to be able to track her movements. It was cold and kind if indecent to not wear clothes but that would hopefully be fixed by the suit. Ah shit I left my tits with the others from when I put on that suit. Oh well I have spares anyway. 

Weaving around the few students wandering the halls after everyone had left and the heroes in training were doing thier, well training. Without her. She should've been there, she got into UA it was her right. But now that was a dream crushed and she'd have to become a hero with the help of a villain instead. And she would do it, for Himiko. All of this was so they could rule Japan together, her on the sidelines altering fate, Himiko on the throne. And whatever Himiko was doing now, she was working just as hard to gain control of the underworld. They could do this, it just might take a little more time. 

----------

Hands covered in blood Himiko stood over the corpse of Kai Chisaki, Overhaul. The eight principles of death lay around her, charred remains leaving no blood to add to her collection. 

"You boiled thier blood Dabi, I wanted to keep some."

"I don't give a shit you told me to take care if them I did." 

"Well now to find the child." She skipped off with Dabi following her, no idea what child she was talking about but content to be her helper. He owed Hagakure anyway, helping Toga was the least he could do. "Found youuuuu." She sung happily entering a room where a small girl covered in bandages was strapped to a chair. She didn't speak as Himiko bounded up to her and undid her bonds. "Hey little girl, what's your name."

"I'm Eri." She whispered. "Don't touch me I'm cursed." 

"Aw don't worry kid, were all cursed. I'm the monster whose going to get you out. Just follow us, Tooru is going to love you." Himiko finished undoing the bonds and let her walk out, her legs shaking. Toga picked her up despite the little girls weak protests. 

"Don't worry kiddo, keep calm and your quirk won't activate. I know why you're hear, I know you think you're cursed, I can help you." 

"You can?" She whispered. 

"Tooru can. Tooru has a lot of people who owe her. We'll find someone to help. All I want is a little of your blood and all of your trust." 

"Oh ok, I can do that, I give Overhaul my blood anyway." 

"Good kid, now let's go." 

Himiko skipped off, the child in her arms, Dabi trailing behind them. She pulled out her phone and called the only contact letting it go to voicemail."Hey babe, I got a surprise for you."

Chapter Text

After school had ended Bakugou was forced into the absolute pleasure of Eggfucker's company, as they walked to a store like two homophobic but gay straight boys caring for a kitten together. The kitten part was true, the gay we'll you'll have to see. Regardless they had a fluffball named tiny explosion murder (tem) and it needed food. Which is how they ended up standing the in pet aisle if the grocery store, staring at the various choices of cat food with no clue how to judge what was good or not.

"Hey eggfucker wanna taste test?"

"Quick reminder you can't yell infront of the kitten. Now I would think your Pomeranian looking ass would eat this much more willingly."

"Shut yo bitchass up. No taste testing we buy whatever has the middle price so it'll be normal quality."

"Eh good enough." Eggfucker handed off Tem to Bakugou, who let it sit on his shoulder so it wouldn't be affected by the nitroglycerin on his hands. 

"Do you think Tem is a boy or a girl?"

"It's a fucking cat."

"Ok and?"

"Cats don't have gender eggfucker they're non-binary by default."

"So you think all cats are trans?"

"No the fuck? They don't have gender there's just the ones with dicks and the ones without."

"Ok but we probably need to know for the vet."

"It's a fucking cat. It's gender is cat. Let the cat be a cat."

"Jeez okok."

Eggfucker picked up a bag of cat food, struggling against its weight while Bakugou just watched and internally laughed at his struggle. Ha he's so fucking weak, got nice hands though. Maybe I can put him into training with me, we can build up that muscle in no time. He'd look good with muscles. Probably lean muscles because he doesn't seem like the type who could bodybuild.

"Want some help there eggfucker?"

"You can stop calling me that ya know."

"Never."

"... And yes I would like some help."

----------------

Leaving the store Hitoshi walked behind Bakugou, cradling the cat in his arms while Bakugou used the cat food as weights. Fucking show off. God damn hes strong though. Girls would fucking love that, he's hot too I bet he gets bitches. Actually nevermind his attitude is horrible everyone would give up the minute he opened his mouth.

Jogging the catch up without bumping Tem he caught up to Bakugou and started walking beside him. He was content to walk by him in silence, hating conversation but it was visibly making Bakugou anxious and he knew he'd soon start yelling at him to shut up despite him being silent. And he was perfectly happy for Bakugou to do that because making people anxious was both entertaining and quirk training. 

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Called it. "Oh yea sure, you wo t hear a peep out of me." He continued walking in silence letting Bakugou silently fume. 

"Where the fuck are we going."

"My house."

"Where's your house."

"Straight ahead."

"Why are we walking there."

"Kitten."

"I swear to the gods if you don't stop being a dry piece of goat shit I'm going to punch you in the face."

"Oh really, I thought you wanted me to shut up?" 

"You're insuferable."

"I know."

"I hate you."

"Love you too bestie."I love this cranky motherfucker. He's mine I'm not letting him get any other friend this bitch is mine. Oh shit that sounded weirdly possessive. Uh no don't be possessive he can have friends. Actually no he can't make friends I don't even need to think about that. 

------------

"Out of all the things I expected you to be homeless is not one of them."

"Shut up I have a house."

"This is an abandoned piece of shit.theres a for sale sign dated 6 years ago. We're in the underworld side if the city."

"And you didn't expect this? That house is mine I've made it mine." 

"I swear to the gods eggfucker you cannot live here."

"Good thing I won't have too."

"You won't?"

"Secret I got from Toxic, you'll see."

"Don't you have parents."

"I have two dad's who adopted me but I refuse to live in thier house."

"Why?"

"Ones loud."

"Ya know what fair enough."

Chapter Text

Was taking his little group of chaos children home with him a good idea? Absolutely not. Was Shouji doing it anyway? Yes, yes he was. A few phone calls later and the four of them were sitting in a circle in Shouji's room much to the shock of the parents of the introverted boy. His mom whispered in his ear if he was being held hostage to grow an extra pair of ears, and when he didn't she seemed genuinely shocked that he wasn't.

They sat in silence for a while until Komori got up and laid down with her head on his legs. "I'm sleepy if something important happens someone tell me."

"I will join you in your revelry of the darkness in unconscious."

"What he said." Muttered Shihai as the two followed Komori's lead, leaving shouji having to grow a third leg to give them all space. He learnt back against the side of his bed as the three laid on his legs, dark shadow coming out of Tokoyami's chest to curl up on Komori and eat the mushrooms growing in her hair. 

-----------

"So." Nedzu sipped his tea. "Where were you the past 50 years, if I may be so bold as to ask?"

"That my friend, is a long and complex story involving the gods and a lot of complex quirks. If you really want to know I'd be happy to share." 

"Please, if you would, there's a lot I would like to hear."

"Well it all started when I decided to put my gills to good use and walk across the ocean again." 

--------------

Izuku stood under the ocean staring in wonder. So mermaids are real, I wonder whose quirk led to this. He walked among the mermaids, his gills and the webbing between his fingers but lack of tail causing the mermaids to stare. The webbing would come to fade when he left for land but after being underwater for so long his quirk had started to adapt to the surroundings and help him love not only keep him alive. 

A mermaid with blue hair and a shark tail swam down to the sea floor where he walked. She held out a hand to him, but the look on her morphed face was not one of friendly greeting, but rather caution and purpose. He put his hand up in greeting then took here and let her drag him along up towards the surface. 

 Breaking the surface of the water he breathed air for the first time in months. She easily stood afloat in the water while he had more difficulty bobbing up and down. 

She spat water out of her mouth then began to speak to him. "How did you get through the barrier?" 

"Where am I?"

"Don't play dumb, you know where this is. How. Did. You. Break. The. Barrier."

"I broke something? I'll try fix it sorry mate."

"Are you really that clueless. Noone wanders into the Bermuda triangle by accident, noone wanders in here at all you cannot get through the ground and no ships above sea will see us and live to tell the tale."

"The Bermuda triangle? Guess my sense if direction really is that bad I was trying to get to Australia."

"How did you break the barrier, I won't ask again."

He looked at her for a while then went over his memories of the past few days. "Well if it was tingly electrical force I went through yesterday I just walked through it."

"That should have killed you."

"Oh whoops I'm immortal my bad, didn't realise I wasn't supposed to be here." 

"She glared at him, then opened her mouth revealing layers of sharp shark like teeth and unhinged her jaw. It just occured to him at this point that she was bigger than him, by a lot, it was hard to tell underwater but she was the size of an average shark. Oh shit. And then she bit his head off.

Chapter Text

Izuku floated in the water, his vision taken up by the inside of her mouth. "Um, can I be let go?" He could have pried her off easily but didn't really want to start a conflict. Well she already tried to decapitate him and was actively still trying but like ya know, keeping the peace and shit. Every time her teeth would sink into his neck his flesh would just push them back out again and heal over, it was painful but not excruciating, probably worse for her as pieces if chipped tooth were starting to float in the ocean. 

She finally unhinged her jaw and moved back to keep a safe distance away. "What are you?" 

"I'm a god. Not an old god, but a god nonetheless." 

"A god?"

"My name is Intoxication."

All the blood drained from her shark like face, if that was even possible, he wondered if she was cold-blooded or warm blooded or just didn't have blood in her lower half. 

"You led the revolution?" She whispered. "At the dawn of quirks? You were the strongest villain?" 

"Yup that's me, stop whispering there's noone else out here we are in the middle of the literal ocean." 

She swam back furth away from him. "Forgive me, we've heard many stories about you and what you've done for us with mutation quirks. I did not mean to attack a god, I simply meant to protect my family and friends within the triangle. We don't get intruders often."

"All good mate, honestly I don't mind I'm not even hurt, a little violent but it's ok." 

----------

"Yea turns out they worshipped me as an old savoir and shit cuz I helped people with fish mutations escape the heroes in the dawn of quirks and they swam to the burmuda and started a civilisation. And then over a century more people with mutation quirks suited to water arrived and they made a city. I lived there for 50 years gathering information and studying mutation quirks met a fellow god, went to hell then back to the Bermuda triangle, leaving every decade for a very important role and occasionally for other shit I had to do."

Nedzu sat in his chair sipping his tea and staring off into space. "Pardon my french but what in the ever loving fucknuggets." 

"Yea that was fun. Anyways I spent 5 decades there, came back and the world had gone to shit. So I decided to make a difference. Influence the next generation of heroes and stuff. Create some civil unrest, remind everyone I'm still here and still alive. I'm not a problem the government can get rid of that easily."

"I'm not even going to try and understand your thought process, was it worth it?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

"Excuse me, I'm gonna need to go make another teapot."

"Can I have the recipe?"

"Fuck no."

"Worth a shot."

------------

Tooru left the school after wandering around and finding all possible entries and exits. She picked up her phone from the support room Mei and God-ish had abandoned to go god knows where leaving an absolute mess and no blood to be seen. Once she was outside the school she looked through her contacts and found a voicemail from "Himiko-chan♥️". She clicked on it as the phone beeped and started the message. "Hey babe, I got a surprise for you."

The voicemail ended and she sighed. Just like Himiko to leave her in suspense. Whatever she had it must be good because she knew her girl don't mess around. 

Whatever she expected when entering the house her and Himiko hing out in it wasn't the scarred man who owed her a life debt ten times over, and a white haired little girl with a horn. 

"TOORUUUUU." Himiko jumped up as soon as she saw her, launching herself into her arms and hugging her tight enough to break bones. 

"Hey babes, whose the kid?" 

"I'm Eri." Said the kid softly flinching away from Tooru when she looked at her. 

"Holy shit you did it. HOLY SHIT HIMIKO-CHAN YOU DID IT I LOVE YOU." She picked up Toga and spun her around in circles, with the strength of a fridge on steroids. She kissed Himiko on the forehead then put her down to walk over to Eri. 

"Heya kiddo, my name's Hagakure Tooru. I'm here to help you. And you, you'll be very helpful to me." Maybe those words would have been threataning to anyone else, but Eri had never felt safer in her life. A misplaced sense of trust that would only strengthen with time. Because Himiko was now saviour, her idol, her hero, and Tooru was the hero of her hero, which made her the strongest person in the world in her eyes.

Chapter Text

Multiple phone calls, a fist fight and a couple lawsuits later and Shouji's group of chaos children were staying over for the night. Which was lovely considering the fact that it was the literal first day of school and he hadn't actually had friends before. And now he had a group of cudddly beings of chaos screaming and running around, leaving him to take the role of mom friend. Which while he was perfectly fine with, left him with the lovely task of communicating with the emos. Don't get me wrong he love Shihai and Tokoyami, they were just, a little depressed but in an aesthetic way. Depression but make it sparkly black glitter with a sprinkle of actual depression and crippling loneliness. 

Anyways he loves his children who had mirgated to outside and were attempting to use his backyard tree to get ontop of his roof. Why? He had no clue. Should he stop them? Probably. Was he going to? No. No he was not. Instead he went back inside got drinks in his 6 amrs and carried them all out to his 3 little demons. Shouji had never been one to talk so instead of yelling to let them know he simply stood there until Shihai materialised out of a crack in the universe, drunk all his drink without taking it from shouji and dissapeared once again into the void. 

---------

Aizawa walked home slowly, knowing his son would absolutely not be there, god knows where he slept, and his husband was probably still at school. He was almost happy for once, he'd gotten rid of the selfish bitch that would honestly just serve to sabotage the rest of his class. If she was that much of a villain during the entrance exam, whose to say she wouldn't turn on her fellow heroes to get what she wanted. She'd already done that just to get in.aybe it was unfair but he felt good in his decision. 

Nedzu had made a horrible decision making intoxication, a literal villain, a teacher. He'd have to weed out all the corrupt students, before they fell under his influence. And he started, with the most villainous he knew. 

---------

Tooru sat on the floor with Eri sitting quietly in her arms. Eri was hugging her tightly, unwilling to let go of her arms, the invisible saviour that was like a god to her. Her heroes hero. And Tooru sat there, softly stroking her hair as Dabi had left the house, leaving Himiko to do god knows what, and Eri with her. She lifted the little girls chin up from where it was curled to her titless chest and kissed her on the forehead. "Were not letting the bad guys get you again ok hun." The bad guys, well she didn't mean villains. "Have you ever heard of all might?"

"No." 

"Well he's one of the bad guys that pretends to be a good guy. I'm going to take his place and save everyone, and Himiko is going to do the same with the super bad guys, until we're saving everyone."

"Like heroes?" 

"We're gonna be the biggest heroes ever. But I need your help, I've heard about you for a long time and what you can do."

"My curse." Eri pulled her head back down and curled further into Tooru's chest. "I don't want to hurt you, but I'm touching you and you're not getting hurt." 

"You're not cursed, you just never learnt how to help people. That's what I'm going to do. You're quirk is only a curse when you're overwhelmed, when you don't know what ur doing and just want to protect yourself. And that's just how everyone else's quirks are." The little girl mumbled and squeezed Tooru tight. "We'll get through this, together. I promise." Eri couldn't see the sadistic smile that overtook Tooru's face. Sure she would keep her safe, but safety is subjective and Eri's were the only eyes mattered.

---------

Bakugou sat in the timeout corner while Shinsou attempted to get the Tem down from the curling fan. 

"You can't-"

"Shut it."

"I'M NOT STAYING IN THIS-"

"NO YELLING INFRONT OF TEM." Shinsou snapped looking down at Bakugou while still trying to get Tem to jump down onto his hand.

"YOU'RE YE- you're yelling."

"Just sit in the god damn corner ur the one who yeeted Tem up here."

"It was having fun."

"I'm sorry if I don't trust the walking explosion who finds joy out of blowing people to pieces with my precious child."

"You're a fucking egghead."

"How lovely." Tem jumped down to his palm and Shinsou lowered it to the floor. "Make yourself useful and move the food bags to the kitchen and find a bowl for Tem. 

Grumbling Bakugou got out of the corner and went off to find the food. That fucking idiot. Gotta love him tho he's my only friend. God that's pathetic out of all the people I chose to father my child with I go with the human embodiment of a ticking time bomb.

Chapter Text

A week's timeskip (I'm a crack writer idk how to write good timeskips) 

Izuku has spent his period with his business class teaching them about how to get away with tax fraud, very attentive students he really liked them. So he happily made his way to class 1 B for thier history lesson, which of course would be on subjects no other teacher would ever mention. "CLASS, LISTEN UP. Today I'd like to tell you the story of how I became the most wanted villain in all of Japan."

The students of 1B got out of their chairs and sat either on the desks, the floor, or wherever they felt comfortable, ceiling beams were always encouraged as a seating spot. They chattered softly but not loud enough to disrupt him, over the past week they had grown to realise storytimes, were the best part of his class. And the true ones, well they were pure gold. 

Shouji sat with his group of chaos children, after having moved classes to 1B after 3 days of putting up with 1A. A decision no-one in 1A had understood, but everyone in 1B welcomed him with open arms. Exept Monoma but Monoma's Monoma so no-one gives a shit. 

"It all started just after the end of the quirk wars, many of you would have never heard of this case, but the ones who have, well it was infamous. The great Bean shortage of 2069."

----------

Izuku looked around carefully, his rucksack full of what he seemed treasure. Canned beans. He made sure no-one was following him. He would not jeopardize the beans. He went to the rock he used as a headstone, then payed his respects before digging up the great bean grave. 30,000 cans of beans. Probably more, he'd lost count. He emptied the couple hundred he carried into the hole, before covering it up again and distributing the rest of the dirt around the forrest. 

Izuku was no stranger to breaking and entering. When he'd started his bean grave he had only stolen from supermarkets and the such. But as the price of beans inflated, and the supply dwindled shops stocked them less and less. So he had a map at home, every island in Japan, every town and city on that island, every house and apartment in that town, and crossed them off one by one. He was still currently working on all of Hokkaidou but had faith that by the end of this spree, all beans would be his. 

----------

"Citizens of Japan, it is with great displeasure that we need to make this broadcast, however we have no choice. The most wanted criminal in all of Japan has been knocked off his pedastool and we now have a new threat to deal with. The formerly most wanted villain Intoxication, who led his cult rebellion and overthrew the government, has been moved down to number two on the list, exceeded by what we call the Hokkaidou bean thief. Over the course of less than 3 months the entire supply of beans on Hokkaidou has been stolen, leading to billions of yen lost and the economy plummeting, as the price of canned beans has undergone a massive inflation. We are not sure what this criminal wants, nor where the beans went, but let it be known this case is being handled with the upmost care by the Japanese police force. And this criminal will be caught. This is Arumi Jogou signing off."

----------

Izuku returned to his bean grave and sat atop of it. The grass had begun to grow over millions of canned beans hidden deep below. He laid back on the grass and sighed before finally realising it would soon be time. He had acquired every possible master's degree any University could offer, and learnt every language of the world. There was nothing fun left to do but break the economy. And what a mess he would soon make. A single can of beans went for hundred of thousands of Australian dollars, his new favourite currency to count by, and soon, well soon that inflation would come crashing down at its heels. But for now, he laid back on his bean grave, a couple months to relish in the chaos before releasing a new wave, would be nice. And afterall, he would never jeopardise the beans. 

---------- 

"The Japanese bean shortage has come to a head with almost noone in Japan owning a single can of beans. The company Amazon has invested in 300 cans of beans, more than the entire Japanese population put together will ever get to see. No progress has been made in this case and it is with great regret, that the Japanese police force has officially closed thier investigation into the villain now known as the Japanese bean thief. No hero has ever come close to catching the elusive bean thief. This is Arumi Jogou signing off."

---------- 

The Tokyo Metropolitan government building, the perfect place for him to take the final step in the scheme against beans. He grinned standing over his bean grave. Japan would fall, and he would stand over the rubble and cans. 

---------- 

A disheveled women hurried onto screen, her reporter voice dying in her throat and eyes blown wide with shock. 

"Anyone who lives near the government centre in Tokyo, evacuate now. The great bean shortage has come to an end and Japan's most wanted villains are both the same boy. Cans of beans are falling from the sky above the Tokyo Metropolitan government building and spreading over the entire city. It is a tsunami of beans. Property damage is estimated at about half the destruction of the city of Tokyo, crushed under the weight of beans. Please evacuate if you live anywhere near. And to those who own precious cans of beans, sell them while you can because in less than an hour they'll be as worthless as sand. This is Arumi Jogou signing off."

She stumbled away from the screen before screaming and running past it again, as the camera turned to show the building collapsing, under the weight of a tsunami of beans. The broadcast went black.  

Chapter Text

Greeny. The great bean thief. Bean dude. Intoxication. God. Cult dude. The world's strongest villain. Man with a pet fridge. Gills dude. Inks little mastermind. Izuku had gone by many names through the centuries. Intoxication always stuck the best, but Greeny was his favourite, it was Inks name for him back when they refused to learn his legal name. After the ecanomic crash of 2069 caused by a bean tsunami, his status as the world's greatest villain had been upgraded from, government usurper to bean thief. And yes in his eyes that was an upgrade. 

But as he screwed on his detachable tits and look at his one leftover can of beans, he felt almost sad, that Ink couldn't be here to witness this. Ink was dead, gone forever and his big sibling he treasured so dearly, he'd never see them again. Hell he'd never see Fury again either. His little family, torn apart, dying in the last battle against the heroes leaving only him to carry on thier deeds in thier name. And no-one would ever forget them, not if he could help it. 

"Ink," he raised the can of beans to the sky. "I offer you the precious beans. One day I'll see you again, and we can take over the afterlife, with a tsunami of beans." He paused and thought for a second. "Nevermind you've probably already taken it over with your army, you probably built a new one in hell. Well either way, I hope you receive my previous beans." 

He pulled back his hand then yeeted it as high as he could into the sky, until it dissapeared and he had no clue where it went. 

Somewhere in the afterlife Ink sat on a throne. It was a little less intimidating than thier throne of bones back on earth but ya know, at least it wasn't as cliche. They were relaxing, watching over the realm they had conquered when a blunt object smashed into the side of thier head and knocked them right off the overly fancy seat. They looked at the blunt object that hit them in shock. It was a can of beans. A can of motherfucking beans. Greeny.  

With anger only an older sibling can produce, they turned thier head up to the sky and screamed. "GREENYYYYYYY"

On earth Izuku sighed happily. "It's like I can hear them now." 

-----------

The last adventure Ink and Intoxication ever went on.

"Hold on tight Greeny were almost there." They swung from building to building, the vine tattoo they treasured so dearly reaching out to wrap around windowsills and pull them along. "Once we get there it's up to you to get us in ok, you disabled all cameras?" 

Izuku sat on a nest of Akira's (Inks vine tattoos name) tendrils typing quickly but not frantically on his laptop. "Almost done Ink, the tours of Parliament house are shut down for today thanks to me so we shouldn't have any civilians in the way."

"Good kid. Now let's get there before scomo catches on and we lose him. His last day in office will be his last day of life."

"Ok disabled, your army's ready?."

"Ready and rolling. I'm dropping you now." Akira unwravelled and Izuku dropped down from the sky. He laughed in freefall, right over the Wong of parliament house he knew scomo was in. He crashed through the roof, blood and flesh binding back onto his bones as soon as it was ripped off. He flipped on the floor then jumped up. "STILL ALIVEEEE." 

The shocked face of scomo infront of him only added to his glee. He raised his metal coated bat, electricity flowing through the wires inside and cracking over the outside. "And your." Bonk. "Now" Bonk. "Fucked." Bonk. God I love murder. And tacos. Tacos are better than murder.

---------

Attention citizens of Australia, it is my greatest pleasure, to inform you your leader is dead. But you'll be fine it was his last day anyway. I wish you good luck with your new prime Minister. Let's hope he doesn't suffer the same fate. Intoxication, signing out. 

The black and green glitching image on the screen over every device in Australia switched back to normal as the country erupted into panic. 

Chapter Text

"And thattttt, is how I crashed the economy of Japan all with the power of beans." Izuku said with a bow. The errupting cheers were exactly the response head wanted, as the class of heroes warmed up too his villainous ways. "And now, to mark your homework." His students looked at each other extremely confused. Mutters of 'homework?' fluttered around the room. 

"And by that I mean who found the catacombs."

Nine hands shot up, 6 of them belonging to octoboi, two belonging to mushroom chick, one belonging to emo no 2 and the silver haired zombie girl that blended into the background just sat with her hands in the Trex position like normal. She is definitely autistic. Aww she's just like me. She started to speak with mushroom girls encouragement, her flat affect affirming his assumption. 

"We found a key behind a panel. Inside the vents in a passage that has nothing special about it there is a lose panel. If you pry it off there is a door behind it with a keyhole. Infront of the door is a box. There are cookies in that box. There is also tiny table. On the table there is a bottle. The bottle has a label saying panel. Each sweet in the box has a label saying key. The key behind the panel unlocks the door. If you go through into the catcombs hold tight to the key,the door locks behind you. The catacombs are half flooded on that level. You climb up out of the water and there is the catacombs. The only found exit is that one door. So if you get lost, you're lost forever." She stopped speaking and looked at the ground. She didn't whisper anything to herself or shyly continue speaking she was just done and that's what you do when you're done speaking. 

Nedzu you sneaky rat bastard. I didn't know you read fiction from the pre quirk era. An Alice in wonderland themed entrance. How beautiful. "Perfect, the underground wins. Heroes, villains, take this as a sign. You don't diss the tiny groups who didn't pick a side."

"Sir that's dumb."

"Don't call me Sir I'm too old for that you can call me god." 

"God that's dumb."

"Watch out for what lurks in the vents kids, or you're gonna regret it."

In the vents Tooru grinned. Her invisible clothes were fully completed with the help of God-ish and Mei so she was free to roam the school as she pleased. And roam the school she did. Perhaps Nedzu knew she was there, perhaps he didn't care. Or maybe, just maybe, a genius in quirk science can beat a genius in everything. Whatever the option she trusted Intoxication. And class 1B, they'd make the perfect team 2. Aizawa was going to fucking pay. But first she was craving noodles. 

--------

Tooru sat with Eri on her lap and Himiko clinging onto her arm. "Himiko, I fucking love your noodles. They're so good I'm gonna die." She shovelled more into her mouth before offering some to Eri. "Eat up kid you're malnourished as all hell. Eri looked at Tooru in confusion before taking a small bite. Her eyes widened then she unhinged her jaw and with teeth sharper than toga she at it, bowl and all. 

"Thank you." She whispered, jaw rehinging to transform her back to the sweet little girl she seemed to be. 

"Himiko you're gonna need to make more noodles... And a new pair of chopsticks."

"On it babe." 

"Oh and by the way."

"Hmm?"

"I love ya."

"Love ya too." She did two kiss motions onto her fingers before running out the door to shoplift noodles and more soy sauce from the nearest supermarket. Dabi who had been sitting in the corner the entire time gagged at the exchange then went back to his noodles. 

"Is that homophobia I hear?" She teased, putting Eri down in her seat so she could go to him. He looked across the room before settling on talking to the table. She was on the other side if the room. 

"No it's general hatred of affection."

"I'd certianly hope so." She said softly in a sing song voice. "Would be bad for you if it wasn't." 

His eyes snapped toward where she had spoken from but she had moved to standing right Infront of him. "Trust me mate, I aim to be the furthest thing from my father possible, and if he's homophobic then I'm a queer cunt, men are hot so fuck yea go kiss your bloodsucking girlfriend."

She laughed startling him but he grinned. "Gay in the opposite way?" She offered a hand. 

"Gay in the opposite way." He shook on it.

"Mom can I have more noodles." 

"Shit I forgot she's here."

Chapter Text

Disclaimer before u start I'm high. Don't take this as a serious chapter maybe.

Imagine toga and Tooru just like. Hugging. And cuddling. And making out like I do with my gf but she's higher than me and yet I had more weed. So imma taking care of her. Anyways don't break the fourth wall that's bad. So they're like hugging. On the couch. In the same room as the table they were eating from before. Dabis seat is gonna be next to couches. God I fell like I'm going to pass out. Anywaus Iove Himiko and I love rarepairs and I also love the idea. They soooooooo similar. I know I may not be writing the most soberish rn but don't worry, I'm literally so smart when I'm high I'm practically a genius. I love analyse every little thing that happens. And the realisations are mind-blowing. Anyways so like. Toga and Tooru I keep forgetting her last name I'll remember later but they're cuddling on that couch and Eri is on the floor playing with a puzzle. That was too long of a sentence maybe I should burn it. I'm really tired.

Chapter Text

Himiko and Tooru sat opposite each other over a game of jigsaw, slowly solving it. "Himi pass me that red piece would you?"

"Which one I have a lot?"

"The one you were flatting daggers at I found out where it goes."

"Oh." Toga passed the piece over and went back to trying to fit her pieces together. 

"Hey Himiko."

"Yea?" Toga looked up confused at the lack of nickname or chan. "Something wrong?"

"Would you ever break up with me if you saw a guy covered in blood and thought you liked him."

The pieces in Tog's hands clattered to the floor. Hagakure looked up surprised to see Himiko's eyes welling with tears. Oh no baby what did I do. 

"No I wouldn't." She sniffed wiping her nose with her jumper sleeve. "Would you?" 

"Never." She got up from her side and moved around to curl up next to her girlfriend. "I'll never leave you, so you'd better not try to leave."

Toga curled into her chest like a cat. "If you left me I'd keep your corpse as a stuffed toy and sleep with it. No matter what you'll never leave me."

"And you'll never leave me. Now ahhhh." She petted Himiko's head. "Noone is going anywhere." Not if I can stop it. You're mine. You will not leave me. 

------------

Bakugou sat on the floor of Shinsou's almost house. He called it an almost house cuz it definitely wasn't good enough to be one but it was quiet and there was no screaming pro hero parents to it was honestly a win. Shinsou just called it home. They sat on the floor, playing with Tem, Shinsou rolling onto his back to pick up Tem and plop them on his nose. 

Cute. The cat. The cat's cute he's not cute he's dumb. But maybe... Nah it's the cat. Bakugou nodded content with his logic then picked up Tem and bopped his nose to Tems. "Hello tiny explosion murder. You ready to become a big strong pro hero. " He eyed Shinsou to make sure he wasn't making fun of him. Shinsou was still lying on the floor grinning contently. Cute. No the cats gone he's not cute. But that is. Ohhhh it's probably just the memory of the cat on his face. He stood up cradling Tem to his chest. "C'mon Tem, were gin a be the best hero duo in the land. King explosion murder and tiny explosion murder."

Shinsou laughed. "And what thier sidekick egghead." 

"Tem's baby daddy, egghead." 

Shinsou cackled before getting up from the floor still laughing slightly. 

"Tem, explosion fucker and egghead. A wonderful hero family."

"Don't get too far ahead your just Tem's baby daddy."

"One day I'll be his dad and gain custody, watch out."

"Nah the courts wouldn't give you shit egghead." He grinned manically. "This is my kid and if you hurt him your dead meat."

Shinsou pit a finger to Tem's nose. "Dis is ma baby. And ain't nobody finna touch em."

"Wha."

"Izuku said it once. A reference from his time. Felt right here." 

And it did. How odd. He stared at Shinsou. Why does he still look cute he don't have the cat on him anymore this is bullshit. 

"What is it " Shinsou smiled and said in a tone he couldn't identify. 

"You have the ugliest fucking eyes I've ever seen." 

Shinsou burst into laughter once again. 

------------

Mei and God-ish were tinkering on an baby together, God-ish's baby's jumping in and out of her afro to bring her and Mei tools. "What would happen if you had locs."

"Same as my afro, they just vibe in my hair."

"And braids?" 

"Same."

"Niceeeeee can I braid you hair." 

"Have you ever done a black persons hair before?"

"No." 

"Fuck it let's try." She plopped down Infront of Mei and shook her hair. "Go ahead babes." 

Mei got to work, failing immediately with no clue how to start as God-ish just laughed at her. 

"You're so bad at this." God-ish grinned turning around and giving Mei a kiss on the cheek. 

"I can build your hair into a bomb but braiding... I'm just gonna leave it to you." God-ish laughed.

"Oh no dude, you started this you're finishing it." 

"Oh god I'm screwed."

You could hear from somehwere deep in the school, the faint echos of. "DON'T SPEAK MY NAME IN VAIN BITCH."

Chapter Text

Ok so like izuku akaa intoxication. He's old friends with chisakis father cuz of course he is. So he goes personally to overhauls lab after learning about the behaviour of his friends kid and like breaks it all down. And he's looking around like where's the filing kid and there isn't one, it's just izuku. Because Eri is with tooru and sharpy mommy's and Sabi.

Oh and like, oh god I thought my dog was on my bed. Anyways like, godish and mei are a couple and ofc so are tooru and toga himiko the thirdddd. And the two couples meat through tooru because of the whole invisible labs suit thing. And they meet each other and fall in love and become a closed polycule. Or polycube. Square humans if you will. And I will.

Did you know (minor spoiler alert) nedzu thinking he's the devil is a carrot. I'm so hungry. Catapiller. Nono cult focas. Ok the importal doctor or whatever. Thats cannon. As in in this fic izuku appeared in doctor who episodes but only once every ten years on the exact same day but still kinda slightly different because of leap years. Ans there's a while theory of who the immortal docitar is. He once didn't show up for 5 decades straight. This was when he was being worshipped by the mermaid cult. Anyways he does this every half century and it's not se mysterious doctor who fan, it's Japan's most uight ranked villain.

I feel like I'm not sober enough to be righting this. I meeve to sober. Anyways sorry the chapters short I love yallll

Chapter Text

Aizawa had homeroom for his class, a week free of the burden of an selfish hero in the making left him content in his decision. Morale was equal, she had not attempted to come back and overall he didn't see it as a mistake. He ignored the Min*ta oggling at Momo in favour of lying down in his sleeping bad to sleep. She'll be fine he won't hurt her. He closed his eyes to nap. 

"AAAAA HELP." He shot to his feet, scarf unraveling to capture the intruder. But it was Min*ta screaming, cluthing his arm and no villain. Dramatic, he probably just hit mimself on a table. He blocked out the sounds of screaming and laid back down. 

-------

Tooru laid in the vents and smiled softly. She twirled the dart tube between her fingers then loaded a dart. Lily of the valley was crushed up and loaded in every dart. She had taken Eri on a trip to the woods to look for flowers, and if there was a slow acting poison just happening to grow there, well who wouldn't take the chance. 

"Three days baby. If anyone ever treats you like overhaul did you put these flowers in thier food and it'll be three days till they're either out of your life for a while, or out of your life for good."

Eri nodded softly and took the flower smiling at it. 

"Just remember, never ever eat these. The smaller the person, the bigger the affect."

The smaller the perosn the bigger the affect. Well the tiny grapist is small so let's see how big the impact is. She aimed carefully then blew through the pipe, hitting him straight in the arm. She grinned as he began screaming and skuttled away using his cries for help as a cover of noise. 

--------

"Mister Aizawaaaaaa." 

Grumpily he raised his head and looked straight at Min*ta. "What." Min*ta tearfully mumbled something and showed Aizawa his arm. There was a tiny pinprick in his arm. A pinprick. He could not be bothered with this shit. "Slap a band-aid on it you're fine. Now let me sleep."

"But." Momo spoke up. 

"No. Shut up. Go back to you're homework and be glad I'm not giving you stuff to do in homeroom. "

---------

She hesitated for a second, then her eyes hardened and she nodded. "As you wish Sensei." She turned and walked away, fingers curled around the dart in her pocket. Waiting till he was definitely asleep again she approached the boy who had been oggling at her before. He stared up at her boobs as she approached. Is he... Drooling? Change of plans then. "Come with me." She whispered winking at him. The red flush covered his face as he wordlessly followed her, leaving behind a trail of drool. He followed her all the way out the open classroom door, down the corridors and to the boys bathrooms. 

"So babe, whaddya wanna do with me." He wheezed. 

She smiled, internally freaking out, crying and wanting to vomit all at the same time. "This." She murmured softly taking his hand as he closed his eyes and pulled out the dart. Quickly she slid the needle into the vein on his wrist, him not even noticing in his perverted haze. She squished the dart and all its contents out then pulled it out. "Fuck you." She murmured and kicked him hard in the balls. She walked away. 

Tears fell down her face. She had acted like a villain. So why did it feel so good. Whatever was in that dart... Well she didn't feel sorry. 

--------

Tooru lay shocked in the vents, her brain screaming. The stuck up lil miss perfect of the class just lured the grapist away and finished Tooru's job. Right in his vein. Her admiration for this girl increased a million times. Fate brought her to see this and she'd thank the gods for it. "She's thinking like a villain." She whispered. "My oh my I think I just found me and Himiko a third girlfriend. I think I just fell in love." She giggled softly. Best to watch the girl for now. But if she happened to be like her. Well maybe one member of class 1a deserved to know she hadn't left.

Chapter Text

Hey folks Boy when he ya trick ya by ta even buddy ya Ridley ya
Slayyyyyy
Ok so
I might be a little to high to do dis. But imma try anyway for y'all's sake. I think I can't too much chocale earlier I wanna those up. God I love the soft and hight diff in this kinda high. Your loyal servant - totally fucked
But wait this is meant to be about Izuku. Cuz he's like mommy but daddy but mommy but not mommy but not daddy but not no dadny no matter and then no mother and the other said no mother becuase they were under the impression I was going under the thingy the mommy won. Hehe. BUT IZUKU IZUKU WJAT DO I THINK OF IZUKU. He's gay however the technical age difference with mortals it makes it hard because blah blah blah who caresses. So now he sorta aroace cuz he doesn't feel any sexyyy attraction to anyone ever and two he only feels romantic attraction to people who have been dead two centuries ago. Lol get fucked. Maybe demi god status would be good for him. Perhaps. For him to date I mean. He's a god bit he def won't fe most powa Fu ones. GOD IM GINNA GET DISCOVERED IM TERRIFIED.

Ok so. Ink. Whose ink. If the the mc of the fic of mine. The rise of a new ruler. There are two fics named that one is a rewrite that completely changed the story and like slayyyyyy. Anyways yass queen remember those books u used to reed at a 6yo again bitch chose barely forces then into this. SHIT IF I THROW UP IM DEAD. And I think my friend Hayes me now. Fuck me in the balls. With a rusty fork. I'm so fucked.

Slayyyyyyyyyyy

Chapter Text

Hohohooo the time is exactly 420 and I just got high. I'm still pretty coherent and I can actually speak. I might have a minor problem faking sobiety to my mom. However this will be me writing a actually chapter according to plot and sober me will take it as cannon. So we last left off at Momo W Tooru so let's gooooo.

Momo sat down Infront of one of the classrooms, she knelt on the floor, back to a wall , she wept. Tears of glass fell from her eyes onto the soft skin of her palms holy shit me dog just ran where did he go. Nvm he's my new dad cuz the way he's acting around me is so parental. Momo rested her back against the wall, tears of glass still slipping down her face.

Nobody came and confronted her.OH WHAT TJE FUCK DID MY DOG JUST GET. Nvm just a sock. Nobody cried with her. No-one truely loved Momo. She was a lesbain. That's why her poetic tears of glass exist because women are pretty. The only time she was confronted with the reality of what she'd done. When she turned herself in to the police station to face the consequences the universe wished to bestow upon her. She knelt I front of the prison deputy."!!!! Sir neckbeards sir, I'm homophobic sir!!!!" She said attempting to lesson her sentance. But the stars wanted NONE OF IT. So they threw her in a rocket and shit her back into the world. Sober me I'm sorry idk how ur gonna fit this into the plot and explain away everything. But I'm putting this up so mwahahaaha fuck u. TW mention of ED I'm gonna eat so much I cure out eating disorder.
TW ends here.
Ok so the entire time that's happening Tooru is using Eri as a human weapon and rewinds a bunch of ppl. She uses human sacrifices.as live pray to expeninent in and help Eri gain control of her quirk. One Eri has reached amazing levels of knowledge in her quirk Tooru gets shot straight up to the moon with only enough food to feed a million people for 3 days. But it all rots so you're on the verge of dying from food poisoning.

Hitoshi and toga meet and they like bond. And then Hitoshi turns villainy hero ish and Bakugou is beyond furious and joins his side for a front view seat of the ensuing Trainwreck. Holy crap my mom's home this is NOT good. Also m*neta dead. I killed him.
Anyways good luck sober me <3

Chapter Text

It had been a year since Izuku started teaching at this God forsaken hero school. The choas his new following of heroes in training was more glorious than he could imagine. The world wasn't in complete dissaray yet. Not quite yet. Although roumours we're reaching the hero commision of a child causing people to dissapear. Tooru's fault no doubt. Though noone would blame the invisible girl who 'isn't even there'. He crossed his legs, wind whistling around him as he sat on the tallest tower in Japan. The streets below him belonged to noone. It had been too long since someone plunged the world into a new era. This time he was content for it not to be him. 

He learnt forwards, hands reaching out to grasp at the clouds as he slipped off the edge. He hoped he didn't hit anyone on the way down, he was immortal they would be crushed. But it's faster than an elevator and time is the enemy of evil so he would happily speed along. He plunged into the ground with the speed of a fridge on steroids, creating a new crator to rival the one that caused the great dying. 

He got up and brushed himself off, looking at the cavernous walls he would have to climb to get out. "That's homophobic." He muttered. "Nevermind who cares about taking over the world I'm just gonna sleep." He laid down on the softest pile of dirt he could find to nap. Someone would get a crane to get him out. Eventually. 

-----------

Momo sat in her prison cell in Tartarus, her face stone cold but her brain writhing with joy and terror. She had planned this day for well... Like two days when she was arrested. She did rather regret turning herself in but it was for the good of humanity. But now she had served 3 days in Tartarus a year after committing the murder she felt cleansed of the tiny little murder of m*neta. She was forgiven by the universe which meant it was time to go. 

"HEY GUARD." she yelled, internally dying at drawing attention to herself. The lady outside looked in and raised her brows. "I think my period just started." She said in a level tone, her face flushing in the hopes only her guard heard and not the other prisons. The guards face relaxed at what she said and she nodded, pressing a button on the wall to open the barrier between her and Momo to escort her to the bathrooms. She undid Momo's chains, keeping on the quirk suppressant cuffs and slipped a tampon into her hand and winked. 

"Everyone deserves sanitary products and lets me honest toilet paper ain't it." Momo almost felt bad as she smiled and took it. The toilets were Tartarus's weakness, that she had learnt from Izuku. She nodded in thanks to the guard and went into the bathroom. Her hands shook in anticipation as she dislocated her thumbs, ow that hurt like a motherfucker, and slipped off the cuffs. She had delicate small hands, perfect for this. 

She reached into her stomach and pulled out an assault rifle. A little back up just in case. Izuku had taught her how to shoot, with the help of snipe. Did she have a gun licence? No, no she did not. But a year under him had broken off a lot of her insecurity and rulefollowing. She wasn't a hero, she was classes as a villain but god damn she would still help people. She pulled out plated armour and covered herself with it, then a bomb. She'd spent months carefully studying how to make one and finally she could do it.

Crouching down she gripped the rifle to her chest, pressed the button on the bomb then yeeted it at the toilet wall. Tartarus's weak point, a room above the ground on the outside. Why they built it there she did not know, but she was greatful the cityscape showed through the gaping hole in the wall. Then the bell went off and her soot covered ass knee it was time to bolt. She rushed at the wall then jumped through the hole, the ground luckily only 2 stories down. She hit the ground hard in a roll, bruising her knees but got up and just fucking ran for it. 

Shots fired behind her, one hitting her back, causing her to fall despite the armour. She felt her back but no blood came off on her hand so she stood back up and kept running. Aiming the assult rifle she turned back to the prison. Her guard was chasing followed by more prison staff. Heart clenching she aimed down at thier legs and rapid fired into the crowd of people, then turned and ran ignoring the screams. 

It took her hours but eventually she was in a part of the city she knew well enough to know where to crash. Holding the rifle tightly under her arm she knocked twice on the dumpster in the alley. She waited a minute then knocked again. "Boss it's me." A door opener on the other side of the alleyway, Dabi standing in the corner. 

"Tooru's out dude she's on a bloody rocket. They're shooting her into space." 

"She'll get out of it." Momo murmered pushing past Dabi and walking down the corridor. 

"Ay add that gun to the pile." 

"Yea yea I know." She took a sharp left and jumped down the hole. Himiko was sitting in the room with Eri, curled up asleep. She chucked the gun I to the pile in the corner and went over to kiss her gf and daughter on the forehead. "Sleep well." She whispered then walked off to flop down on a shitty sofa. 

"Not very ladylike."

"Shut the fuck up you ugly ass bitch you can't say shit." 

"Woah good two shoes got a tounge."

"My second gf is in a fucking rocket and I just broke out of Tartarus. Gimme a break." 

He laughed and left to the kitchen. She hasn't crashed here in months, sleeping predominantly at her own crappy apartment. But that wasn't safe anymore so she'd put up with her burnt brother till Tooru got back and could get her network to find a new place. She closed her eyes.

Chapter Text

Izuku had been napping peacefully in the hole he had so lovingly created in the middle of the city when finally some construction workers and a crane reeled him out. One man with a purple beard patted him on the shoulder. "Big fan of your work mate, your a huge inspiration."

"You do not have the right guy but thank you."

"You ain't Mark?"

"No I'm Jesus." He walked off leaving the purple beard man behind. His phone buzzed in his pocket 6 times. Invisibitch. He glanced around for security cameras then put up his umbrella and took out his phone. An unknown number with a buzz unmistakably Tooru's. He swiped the text down to read without opening it then grinned. Hey Toxy back from space and I need a lift from my fav teacher, coordinates are **** Lmk when u get here cuz I need to see my daughter Xoxo - ur fav student

He laughed before putting his phone away and walking up to some random lady. "Very sorry Ma'am I hope you have good insurance." He said before grabbing her car keys bumping her away with his hip and hopping in to speed off. He bashed the side door into a letterbox on the way down the street but that didn't particularly matter. Not to him anyway, the women tho... Well that was her problem. He put the coordinates Tooru had sent into the cars GPS and sped off in the general direction.

3 hours two car chases and a lunch break later he had arrived at Japan's smallest space station. He looked for the eject button. There wasn't one. He didn't know how to brake. Confused and a lil pissed he simple drove full speed into the side of a building. Airbags punched his entire body like karma's own divine punishment for wrecking the lady's car. He struggled out the window and fell face first onto the floor.

"STILL ALIVE. Now where the fuck is she."

"Really. You trashed our getaway car."

He peeled his face from the loving embrace of the concrete to stare at his favourite pupils non existent face. "INVISIBITCH YOUR BACK."

"Yea and what exactly is your plan to get us home?"

"I dunno but hey at least I'm here. Now bring it in how the fuck did you get off that rocket."

She laughed softly then hugged him. "Murdered the piloting crew then took an escape pod."

"That's my kid."

"I'll just get us arrested holdup." He took out his phone and dialled detective Tsukuachi.

"You have reached Musutafu police station what's the emergency."

"Ok hihi you don't know me but you're Yagi's friend so hi it's the world's no 1 villain calling in to get arrested and sent back to Tartarus."

"We don't accept prank calls if there is no emergency we will hang up."

"All Mights identity is Yagi Toshinori. He's Nana's successor and his quirk is transferable. All for One is still alive and I used to babysit him. My name is Izuku Midoriya aka Intoxication and I'm calling to be brought back to Tartarus. Now are you going to arrest me or not?"

"... A police car is on the way. Please stay in your current location we are tracking your IP address."

"Oh that won't work I got Nord VPN."

"That's illegal."

"I never cancelled my subscription from 2020."

"What are your coordinates."

"**** Now come pick me up before I get bored and find a different ride." He hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket. "Got us a ride home now you just be quiet and stick with me."

"Got it boss."

It only took the police 3 minutes to arrive, handcuff him and toss him in the back of a van, Tooru following him in. The drive to Tartarus took a lot less time than Izukus own. They got there, he thanked the driver for the ride then shot his way out.

"Ya killed a lot of people back there."

"Duh."

"I would have thought you were above that."

"I'm the world's number one villain, not number one vigilante."

"Yk what fair. Let's go home I wanna see my girls."

Donning a blue coat and pink cowboy hat he acquired from the 2022 Easter show (pre stabbing) he wandered through the alleyways until he came across a distinctly ugly dumpster stolen from the UA physical exam. Invisibitch knocked on the dumpster twice then again after a minute. A girl with long black hair stood at the door. Tears welled in her eyes as she stared at Invisibitch.

"I'm back babes."

"Welcome home." She whispered before straight up sobbing and hugging Tooru.

Chapter Text

Bakugou sat on the couch he had dragged off a council cleanup with his kitten and Eggplant man. Shinsou picked up Tem off of Bakugou’s lap and flopped over his thighs, balancing Tem on his chest. Cute. The cat of course. Maybe him. Actually no just the cat. He petted the cat gently then ran his other hand through the purple idiots hair.

“How’s invisibitch going? Last I heard she was booted to space.”

“Look at you Mr explosive being all caring. She got off that rocket pretty sure Intoxication had something to do with it.”

“And class pres no 2?”

“Out of Tartarus on the run.”

“Never expected that of her.” He massaged Shinsou’s scalp with his free hand, the other petting their child.

“Yea.” Shinsou looked up and met his eyes. “But you never expected to be taught heroics by a world renowned villain and god either. Not all of us were gonna turn out heroes.”

Bakugou flicked his nose. “Cynicism Eggplant. We’re all still alive.”

“Min*ta.”

“Literally shut the fuck up before I bash your head into a wall we don’t speak of it.”

“Fair shutting up now.”

“Don’t fuck with me.”

“Remove the with and the sentence is a lie.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP I’M DYSLEXIC.”

“THATS NOT SPELLING OR READING STUPID.”

Bakugou squished Eggplants cheeks then shook his head around.

“Stupid.”

“Bitch.”

“Pomeranian.”

“Eggplant.”

“Babe.”

“I’m throwing myself off a cliff.”

——————-

Tooru was tackle hugged by Himoko as soon as she walked into the main room, Momo still clinging to her side sobbing.

“Tooru-chan.” She chirped before kissing her girlfriend and hugging her tight. “I missed you baby me and Yaomomo were so lonely.” She kissed Momo before going back to hugging Tooru. And Eri missed you.”

“Where’s my baby?”

“Which one?”

“Eri darling, my other two are right here.”

She pushed past her girlfriends to the main room where Eri was asleep on the couch. She knelt down next to her and brushed the hair out of her face. “Eri baby. Wake up.” She pinched her daughters cheek gently.

Red eyes opened slowly to stare into Tooru’s invisible ones. A small hand reached out and felt over her face. “Mama?”

“Yes Eri, it’s me.”

“Mama.” Tears filled her eyes, red turning glassy as the little girl pulled back her hands as her horn started to glow. “Mama.”

“Oh baby shhh it’s ok. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Now let’s do our breathing and let that calm ok? Then you can hug Mom.” Eri nodded and breathed in hard, then out again until her horn shrunk and stopped glowing. “Now come give me a hug.” Eri flung herself into Toorus arms, tears streaming down her face and she nestled into her saviors chest.

“Mama.”

“I’m here Eri. And I’m not leaving anytime soon.”

———————-

Izuku stood at the doorway watching them come together. His lips tightened as he thought back to what he once had. Ink and Tooru were so alike. Maybe one day Tooru would lead the underworld just like Ink had, with the children they raised right at their side. Intoxication and Fury were the best things that had ever happened to Ink. Eri was the same to Tooru. He hoped they never fell to the same fate.

Chapter Text

Izuku walked through the school gates, a little tired and quite a bit more mad, wearing his curtain tshirt. He made his way through the maze of the school till he reached Nedzu’s office. Barging in he grabbed the rat god by the collar. “The tapes Nedzu, I want the tapes. There’s no cheese and crackers in prison Nedzu, I need those tapes.”

“First off put me down.”

“Give me the tapes.”

“You ruled Japan it was your land. But this is mine. You abide by my rules Izuku. Put. Me. Down.”

Izuku dropped him and he fell to the floor, brushing himself off. “The tapes Nedzu.”

“You should be glad I like what your doing with this school, I would not take this treatment from anyone else.”

“You know why I’m mad Nedzu, I need every copy in existence not a single one kept for yourself.”

“It will get the government off my back, but you would need to trash my office. Leave no traces of yourself, don’t let it be known it was a member off my staff.”

Izuku grinned. “Use your office as a rage room?”

“I don’t know what that is Izuku, I come from a different time.”

“I’m going to trash this fucking room where are the tapes.”

Nedzu waddled across the room to a filling cabinet and flicked through the middle drawer. He pulled out a file took a key out of it and opened a compartment on the bottom of the drawer. “By The tapes do you mean just the ones of Miss Yayurozu committing manslaughter or all illegal activities that your students have committed?”

“Everything.”

He pulled out the panel on the bottom and a bunch of glowing computer chips sat neatly organised on it. He tipped them all into his paws and handed them to Izuku. “I’ll delete the footage if you coming and leaving. Mess the room up but don’t destroy the computers.” He walked out the room.

“Thanks rat god.” Izuku yelled after him before smashing his elbow through the window.

———————

Katsuki stood beside Shinsou in silence as they walked to home room with Aizawa. They stopped before the door and Katsuki squeezed his shoulder. “Go in eggplant we don’t got all day.”

“Mmm.” He blinked still half asleep. Oh for fucks sale. Katsuki scooped him up bridal style and carried him over to his seat. His Eggplant shoved his eye bags into Katsuki’s chest and wrapped him arms around him.

“Get the fuck off before I make you.”

“Ahdjfiendjgjs. Bleh.”

Cute. Nah actually just annoying. “Off.” He shook violently till Shinsou let go then plopped him down at the table. “THE FUCK YOU STARING AT.” Denki scrambled off the bench murmuring nothing and giggling his ass off. “That’s what I thought.” His Eggplant looked up at him.

“You suck.”

“Your a sloth.”

“I was comfy.”

“Shut the fuck up or you don’t get Katsudon for dinner.”

“Point taken shutting up.” Somewhere in the school a window shattered. Yea cuz that’s totally normal. He smelt smoke and burning plastic. Normal. A chair went flying by the window and smashed into the concrete down below. Normal WAIT SHIT IS THAT NEDZU’S CHAIR. Eh probably normal. He smacked his head down on his desk and let his lack of sight let him tune into what Mr Aizawa was saying.

———————-

Lighter in hand he blew the pile of ash out the window. Not a single tape left, his kids were safe. But now to make this look like a break in. He cracked his knuckles and grinned. “Chair goes first, god I hate that fucking chair.” He pegged it out the window.

Chapter Text

Katsuki sat on the couch in his Eggplant’s squatter house with Tem and his Eggplant. He pet the once kitten, now year old cat gently, wearing gloves to protect the small baby from his nitroglycerin. His Eggplant scooted closer and booped Tem’s nose. “Hey Katsuki?”

“Da fuck you calling me Katsuki for?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Get the fuck outta here with your gay shit.”

“Worth a shot.”

“At least try and court me first.”

“What is this the 2000’s who the fuck says court.”

“Me so do it or I’m taking our child.”

“We’re not getting divorced, we can’t what about Tem.”

“I get sole custody.”

“Does making you food count as courting?”

“HELL NO DON’T YOU DARE STEP FOOT IN MY KITCHEN YOU OVERSIZED EGGPLANT.”

—————-

Somewhere on top of a rooftop Izuku sighed. Young love, I can practically smell it. He swung his feet backwards and smashed a window. Glass stuck to his skin but was forced out as soon as it broke through, blood flowing back in and skin closing over. He rubbed his gills, dry with lack of use and almost missed his days with the mermaids. Perhaps being a teacher was not for him. He’d come to help the further generation and as far as he could tell he’d done that. A little nudge here a violent push there and they were on their way to changing the world.

But it was the world now, not his world. Not Inks world, not Intoxications world not even ass mights world. Just the world. He was an old and forgotten villain, faded from relevance the moment he government saw the chance to cover him up. Perhaps it was time to get back into business, back to the world. And his first step was always to go right for the throat.

He stood from the edge and jumped down onto a protruding balcony a few stories down. His legs snapped then instantly snapped back into place, returning to the way it once was. He put his hand to his chest to feel for it. The cancer, the reason his quirk even kicked in in the first place at the old yet still so young age of 16.

He took his hand down and jumped down to the next balcony, tiles cracking under his feet. He continued on his descent down till he reached the ground, setting off in the direction of the hero commission headquarters.

A hijacked police car and two now tagged up bullet trains later he arrived out the front of the Hero commission headquarters. He pulled off his backpack and pulled out his favorite little pistol and slipped it into his pocket. Walking through the doors with the cocky grin of someone who owned the place he skipped past the reception and went straight to the elevator up.

He walked as soon as someone came in and scanned their keycard to make the elevator work.

“Oi you need to scan you can’t be in here.”

Izuku pulled out the pistol and pressed it to her temple. He pulled back the barrel and rested his finger on the trigger. “Head of the hero commissions office. Now.”

She started tearing up. “Please don’t-“

“Bring me there you get off free and I’ll pay you, you’ll be set for life.”

“I don’t-“

He pressed the gun harder to her temple. “Now.”  Her eyes widened and she slowly nodded then pressed the top floor button. “Thank you. But let it be known you bring me to the wrong place and your brains will be all over the floor.”

“Who are you.”

“Intoxication, if you work here let’s be honest you’ve probably heard of me. And you know who I used to be.”

Tears started flowing down her face. “I thought you were gone.”

“Back from the dead darling, and no one will ever kill me.”

The elevator dinged and opened. Keeping the gun pressed to her head he let her lead him to the hero commission office. Shuddering she knocked then opened the door. “You have a guest Ma’am. He stepped into the room face to face with the president of the hero commission. He aimed and shot her in the head before she had the chance to speak.

“No.” Whimpered the women behind him as she fell to her knees. “No no no no no.”

“Chin up kiddo. I’m in charge now. Put the building on lockdown not evacuate if you want to keep your life, this is my office now.”

Chapter Text

Momo sat on the couch with toga letting her massage body butter into her skin. The smoother it was the easier it was for objects to come out. She turned her back to her gf so she could rub the butter in there, moving the straps of her tank top so she could spread it better. She leaned her head back and rested it on Toga’s shoulder. Her gf kissed her cheek then wrapped her arms around her to spread it on her stomach.

“Am I gaining weight darling?”

“Yes it’s perfect, don’t worry we’ll continue to feed you up till your not collapsing from weakness and leaving every fight with your spine sticking out your back.”

“Thank you.” She murmured resting her hands on Toga’s wrists. “I won’t be judged?”

“Not by us. Family darling, family is bonded by shit stronger than blood, and I’d know I’ve tasted every type on the planet. No blood tastes as good together as family.”

She sighed and leans back further into her girlfriends embrace. “We’re gonna make it one day you know, together.”

“You sure of that Yaomomo.”

“We've got to start at the bottom and work up. And if we don't earnestly cheer each other on... we'll never be top villains.”

“Words to suit a hero.”

“They aren’t too different from us.”

“One day you’ll be locked in battle against your old classmates.”

“Only the ones who don’t end up on our side.”

Toga laughed and squeezed her tighter. “Someday then, you’ll be locked in battle with your old classmates as your beck and call. My natural little leader.”

——————-

Kinoko laid her head on one of Shoujis many legs, taking off her mushroom hat and stretching. “Toko-chan~~~~.”

He lifted his head from where he had been staring ominously at his hands. “Kinoko.”

“Pass the billy would ya.”

Dark shadow shot out of Tokoyamis chest as if summoned. “Druggie, druggie.” She crowed before flying over to the chest of draws. They were painted black, fitting considering it was Shihai’s house and he was just as fond of the darkness as tokoyami. Dark shadow rifled through the draw before pulling out a pile of clothes and unwrapping it to reveal a really shitty gatorade bong. She dropped it before Kinoko then rushed back into Tokoyami’s chest.

“Kinoko none of us have pot left.”

“I do, I’ll shout.” She sat up then rifled through the folds of her mushroom hat before finding the zipper and undoing it, to reveal another zipper, to reveal 3 more. Just to make extra sure nothing fell out during hero training.

“The absolute balls it takes to bring a hat stuffed with drugs every day to a school taught with essentially super powered police officers.” Shouji murmured.

“And you love me for it.” She laughed and finally undid the last zipper.

“Kinoko your a legend.”

“The darkness within you speaks to my desires.”

“Desire to get absolutely fucking smashed.” She finally pulled out a baggie of more pot than any of the others could ever afford. “Dealer things baby got that sweet sweet illegal money.”

“Tokoyami checked his phone. “Kino-chan.” He looked at her with the bird version of puppy eyes.

“Yes Toko.”

“Would you be able to shout Sero and Denki too? They said they’ll pay you back soon as they get paid.”

She took a couple ciggies out from the hat and ripped them open to pour into the grinder she had also pulled out. “Fuck it sure if Shihai wants them in his house.”

“Shihai?”

“If the darkness within their souls is satisfied by the Gatorade bong I don’t see why not.”

“Second cone, auction.”

“SOLD.”

“SOLD.”

“Fuck.”

Chapter Text

It was a well established fact that Katsuki spent his weekends in Shinsou’s squatter house, so him showing up Saturday morning to no one there was completely unheard of. And yet here he was, calling out as loud as he could for his Eggplant yet no one came. He was.. almost offended? His Eggplant has never not been there and he wanted to collapse with him on the couch and get his weekly dose of physical affection.

Not that he’d ever admit that. So he turned on the shitty box tv they’d gathered from a council cleanup pile and switched to the news. Then he froze. Intoxications face plastered across the screen, manic eyes and blood splattered across his skin. “What the fuck.” He whispered. Grabbing the side of the tv he turned up the volume to a hearable level.

“Has taken the hero commission hostage. Heroes from all across Japan are positioned outside the building waiting for him to exit. The president of the Hero commission has yet to be seen. Excuse me.” The reporters voice paused. “I have just received an update, the President has been shot. Paramedics are unable to enter the building as it has been put on lockdown and not even the strongest heroes are a match for the technology of the hero commission.”

“Kats-“

“SHUT UP AND LISTEN.” Bakugou screamed not moving his eyes from the tv as his Eggplant entered the room. Hitoshi sat down next to him and stared at the screen.

“Screams and shots can be heard from the inside of the building, however we don’t have any footage of the inside, it can only be assumed what is taking place is a massacre. And now for the weather.”

“NOONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SHITTY WEATHER.”

“For once I agree with you.”

“What the fuck is he doing.”

“Villain shit. Remember Kats, he’s not a hero, nor a vigilante. He kills people.”

“I know but fuck.”

“He was never morally grey remember that.”

“How are you so fucking calm.”

“The hero commission did a shitty job covering up his existence. This fits with everything else he’s done when he gets bored.”

“You expected this.”

“I was waiting for this.”

Bakugou just stared at him in silence, tuning out the weather report. He reached out and gripped his Eggplant’s hand and leant on him. “We’re not getting our teacher back are we.”

Shinsou just laughed. “Don’t be stupid, he would have accounted for stuff like this happening.”

—————-

Pistol in hand Intoxication pulled out his old mask from his backpack. Oh how he’d missed wearing this. He knocked on the next office door. “Open up darlinggggg, don’t make me do this myself.” There was no response from inside. He slammed his fist through the door. Someone screamed inside. “I gave you a choice, too bad you picked the wrong answer.”

He pulled out his fist and smashed it through again, close to the lock. Pulling it out the holes in the door had cracks spreading throughout the rest of the door. He slammed his shoulder into the door and it collapsed. A terrified man was pressed into a corner, tightly holding the hand of a small child.

Izuku frowned. “It’s not bring your kid to work day. You two.” He pointed his pistol at them. “Scram, before I change my mind.” The man picked up how kid and sprinted past Izuku out the door. “GO UP.” He yelled after them. “COME ACROSS ME AGAIN AND YOU WONT BE SO LUCKY.”

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not the children. Everyone has limits, stick to them.” He pressed the buttons on the side of his mask and let it cover the back of his head and neck. Screens appeared in front of his eyes and he picked an option he hadn’t used in a long time.

“Hello citizens of Japan. Every empire only lasts 250 years. It’s time to revolt. So to all those who recognise this mask, I urge you to join me, one more time, like your ancestors once did, to build a better world. To break everything down and build it up from scratch once more. Too long have I let society fall into disrepair. I’m taking back my throne.

- Your loving god, Intoxication

Chapter Text

Tooru’s screen flashed to life and a glitching black and green image filled the screen. She frowned and tried to press home but the image didn’t disappear. “Yaomomo,” she called for her gf to come over. “Somethings wring with my phone.”

Her girlfriend walked over and pulled out her own. “Mine too.”

“Fuck do you think they found us.”

She glanced back st her screen and a mask appeared. Full face, dark green bunny ears with green buttons and switches all over the sides. And emerald green eyes shone in the eyeholes of the black mask. She gasped then grinned. It was the mask she’d seen in history books Intoxication had given her, ones published despite the governments attempts to cover up the past.

It was his mask. The face of the rebellion, the face of the villains, the face of the quirked. Intoxication. Her volume maxed out on its own as his voice, deeper and more serious than she’d ever heard it filled the room.

“Hello citizens of Japan.” Her mouth fell open as she looked at Yaomomo.

“He’s hacked everyone.”

“He did this when he was first making a name for himself I found some of the recordings. Everything on the internet lasts forever the government can’t erase it.”

“Every empire only lasts 250 years. It’s time to revolt. So to all those who recognise this mask, I urge you to join me, one more time, like your ancestors once did, to build a better world. To break everything down and build it up from scratch once more. Too long have I let society fall into disrepair. I’m taking back my throne.”

“No fucking way,” she whispered.

“Your loving god, Intoxication.”

The mask disappeared and the screen glitches once more, then turned back to normal. Yaomomo opened up her photos and turned off screen recording. She was constantly screen recording so she could go back and look over every tiny detail, so she would never miss anything.

“Did you get it?”

“Hold on, I must have.”

She opened the video and sped through 6 hours of footage, right to the very end. And there it was, his full speech. “You got it.”

“Of course I did.” She rapped edit and cropped the video, saving it on its own. “Don’t doubt me Tooru I never miss a thing.” She turned her screen recording back on.

“What are you going to do with it?”

“Show the world of course. Everyone would have already seen but unless they were already screen recording I don’t think there is a single device out there that would have been able to turn it on.”

“Spreading his word?”

“Of course. This will help us darling, the collapse of society will give us free reign to do as we please, and garner many more supporters.”

“Speaking of, I found a few people I think you’d love to meet.”

“Allies?”

“Enemy of our enemy. Toga-chan’s friends.”

“Villains?”

“They call themselves the league of villain.”

“Cute, I bet you’d love some new lackeys.”

“Oh Momo you know me so well. They’ll work for us or regret it.”

“And if they only want a partnership not a new leader.”

“Burn them to the ground.”

Chapter Text

Mei stared eagerly at her screen as she replayed Izuku’s message over and over again. Momo has sent it to her since they’d kept in touch when she went rouge and she had never been happier. God-ish sat beside her, one arm around her waist watching it with her.

“The technology in that is just incredible look at the structure of the mask I’d date the switches to possibly 2016 maybe early 2019 and oh my gods look at the base of the mask itself that isn’t fabric but it’s certainty not plastic or metal-“

“Eraserhead’s capture scarf it looks like that.” God-ish added interrupting her.

“Yes but with a higher metal compound perhaps towards the middle the edges with more fabric-“

“No it would be floppy I’d say the mask itself has an internal metal structure-“

“It’s hollow to make room for his technology which is used as part of the structure-“

“But it must be a very strong material so blunt force trauma would not damage the technology-“ A snake fell from her Afro and curled exitedly around her arm, recognising the pure joy of its creator.

“And coated in something waterproof so he can make use of his gills without damaging it!”

“YES. Meimei your a genius I love you.”

“We have to make a baby like that, God-ish let’s make a baby.”

“Yes!!!” She jumped up and kissed Mei. “I’ll get my silkworms to produce silk for a soft inner lining.”

“And your spiders get them to produce a bunch of webbing we’ll use it to lay over the internal structure and protect the technology.” She hopped over to her workbench and stood on it, ripping off a ceiling tile and crushing the camera just peeking over the edge.

“Meimei pass the coke.”

“Which kind.”

“The kind that ain’t mixed with gunpowder no more.”

“Aight.” She tossed a little baggie over to God-ish who slipped it in her pocket.

“Gonna put this in the mask justttt incase whoever’s using it needs a lil extra strength.”

“Ooh good idea I’ll get more.”

“Mei where do you even get this shit.”

“Shhhh, a great inventor never reveals her secrets.”

“Your gonna end up in prison one day Meimei.”

“And I’ll be out in no time. Fuck the laws baby this is gonna be Izuku’s world soon.”

————-

Making his way down to the lobby, mask splattered with blood and probably brains the building was finally quiet. He knew what awaited him outside but honestly he didn’t really give a shit. All the heroes in the world were nothing compared to him. He had been there since the beginning, he had seen everything.

But cockiness wouldn’t get him anywhere, he didn’t become a god by brute forcing his way through life. So he materialized his notebook from the void and sat down to check up on his notes. Hero notebook no. 784. His notes had become more meticulous over the centuries. Pages upon pages on each hero he skimmed through, focusing on weaknesses and proffered pairings. He sat there for hours going over his notes, snacking on brownies and two minute noodles while the heroes outside sat in the sun, bored and becoming unprepared.

Finished with his notes he closed the book and stood. He pressed a sequence of buttons on the side of his mask and brought up the hero commission security system. Bypassing most of the system by the merit of his own technology being 200 years old and not showing up as an intruder he made his way through to where building lockdown was activated. Then turned it off and bolted straight out the front door firing shots right into the midst of Japan’s strongest heroes no longer on high alert.

Chapter Text

The news played on one of Nedzu’s moniters, cctv footage on all the others as he glanced from minister to moniter, reading and rereading Izuku’s employment contract over and over again down to the smallest fine print, externally calm but panicking on the inside. And there it was, a condition added by Izuku in the fine print that he had not seen as a problem when they signed.

This contract spans for 3 years and cannot be nullified until the 3 years have been completed, regardless of the unlawful or immoral actions of either party. At the time Nedzu had assumed it was to protect Izuku from being fired because of petty crime or funny stunts the law prohibited. But now he was realising just how bad this was. He could not fire Izuku, this was a public contract that he could not alter.

“I can’t fire him.” He whispered, looking up at the monitor with cctv footage of the front of the hero commission. Izuku was single handedly taking on Japan’s strongest heroes and winning. Not just winning killing them. With nothing but a gun and his own body that could never be harmed. “Holy shit I can’t fire him.”

His genius rodent mind whirled, memories of Izuku shooting up the experimental lab he was once held capture in and he grinned. This was almost the same, it was to be expected. “Well played intoxication well played.” He murmured and watched as he fought the heroes. “Can’t say I blame you, in fact, perhaps you could help me.”

He pulled up his contact list of heroes and sent a message to Endevour.

—————-

Izuku was happily reveling in the chaos, firing rounds at ever hero he didn’t like, going for their weak spots when the metric ton trauma inducing meat appeared.

“Die villain!!!” He screamed as he sent waves upon waves of flames to wash over Izuku. He dramatically collapsed to the floor, hand to his forehead fake writhing in pain. “You are no match for my flames.” Declared the firey lump of human garbage standing over him.

Izuku opened his eyes. “Damn I knew you were stupid but I didn’t know you were that stupid.” He aimed and shot him in the dick. Over the screaming of Endeavor that was honestly music to his ears he muttered to himself. “No more kids for you to abuse, lord you should never have been allowed to breed.”

The heroes that had made way for Endeavor were shocked into silence. “All right whose next doing free castration only today get it while you still can.” A bullet fired from the top of a nearby building and went straight through his forehead. Without missing a beat he shot one straight back then shouted after it. “SNIPE I LIKE YOU AS A TEACHER DON’T BE STUPID YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T HURT ME.”

“But we can lock you up for good villain, and we will not stop until your defeated!”

He yawned. “Cringe, get a life. ”Now can we hurry this up I’m sleepy.”

None of the heroes replied, those once so full of bravo standing back and watching the boy they knew they couldn’t defeat.

“Boring, now listen I’m giving you 3 choices. Pledge your alligence to me, scram or die. What will it be. Cuz two of those options mean you can still protect your precious citizens and one leaves them at my mercy. What will it be?”

No one moved for a second until a blonde haired hero with red wings stepped forward. “Did you kill the president?”

“What kind of sloppy half hearted job do you think I did of course I killed her.”

Hawks breathed out heavily, then voice wobbling, trying to grin he held out his hand. “I pledge my alligence to you. If only to repay a favour and keep the citizens safe.”

Izuku looked up at the young, far too young hero. “You know who I am better than any of the others here don’t you.”

“I do. You were my idol as a child. So I will follow you, and keep the others safe as best as I can.”

Izuku sighed and tapped on his mask. “There’s a dad and his kid in the building, I spared them as I draw the line at children. One of if the top floors. Go save them.”

The hero nodded and took flight. Izuku stared at the other heroes, half looking shocked and betrayed, the others looking grim. “Join me, leave,” he paused for a second. “Or perish.”

Chapter Text

Hawks flew up and landed on the top of the building. He tried the door down and was surprised it was unlocked. Intoxication had probably unlocked it for him. He shivered. Meeting his idol like this, it was just pure adrenaline. Fear and excitement all mixed into one adrenaline rush vibrating through his bones.

Walking down he called out for anyone to come, that he’s here to bring them out. No one answered. As a child he’d studied every piece of information he could find on Intoxication. How he’d taken over the world, how he’d slapped the former US president, every little crime and every major one that made him the worlds greatest villain. Hawks hero.

He has liberated the quirked, led the rebellion against the heroes that were nothing more than assasins. He was a true hero to hawks, but he’d never kid himself to think he would be a hero today. Intoxication has taken up the handle of villain with pride and become an unstoppable force the world had to bend around.

He let his feathers detach from his wings and search for any sign of life in the building. 3 floors down, a crying child and man. Stepping into the elevator, hawks tried to stop his shaking. Then remembering Intoxication’s words he jumped out the elevator and sprinted to the office he dreaded the most.

He wouldn’t enter if his life depended on it, but he had to know. Knocking on the door he received no response. He opened the door and stared in. And there she was. The abuser he’d never confront, the woman who owned him, lying dead on the floor with a bullet lodged firmly in her brain. He flew slowly over to her and looked at the hole in her head. Straight in the temple, a clean shot.

Kicking his feet like an exited toddler receiving a Christmas present he pulled out his phone and took a pic. Then knowing full well it was a horrible idea he turned around and took a selfie with her corpse.

He opened his contacts and sent it to the grumpy burn covered man he considered almost a friend. He was going to savour this moment for the rest of time, then with the pettiness of a 6th grader he flipped off the president stuck his tounge out at her then zoomed out of the room to go rescue the man and his kid.

—————-

“Oi boss,” Dabi called out from his room. Tooru appeared at the doorway.

“I’m assuming you got something good if your calling me boss?”

“You bet I fucking do, look at this shit.” He turned his phone to show her a chat. From bird fuckmer? He spelt fucker wrong did this cunt not go to school? Then her eyes landed on the image bird fuckmer had sent. And suddenly the name made a lot more sense.

“Holy shit that’s hawks, with the dead President of the hero commission.”

“Guess who was the first to pledge their allegiance to Izuku.”

“No fucking way.”

“Hawks. And his ulterior motives are all his own now not the hero commissions. He’s a free birdie.”

“You spelt fucker wrong by the way.”

“I know.”

“... oh. Ew.”

Chapter Text

Izuku was quickly growing bored of the heroes shit. So in the midst of having heroic speeches thrown at him he laid down on the ground and closed his eyes. “Keep doing your shit imma take a nap, someone go recover the corpses from the building. Don’t bother looking for survivors, I sent hawks to rescue the only two.” Curling up peacefully he started to drift off to sleep. That was until some hero punched him in the stomach.

He opened one eye and death stared them. “Why the fuck is wrong with you?” The hero stepped back confused. “God can no one relax these days I’m out y’all suck.” He walked off in the general direction of the beach, heroes parting to avoid him, some more stubborn standing in his way then being yanked back by those with more common sense.

He stepped over the corpses of a couple heroes he’d shot and fatally wounded, most being dragged out of his way. He walked for 30 minutes towards the sea, followed closely behind by a cohort of heroes. He took out his 20 dollar android he’d bought at a coles register in Australia in 2022 and took a selfie with them. As soon as his toes touched the sand he sent his mask and the phone to the pocket dimension his notebook resided in and walked slowly in like the king of the sea.

His feet turned from fugly human adendages to graceful flippers and webbing grew between his fingers. The gills that were slowly closing over reopened as he got his first good breathe of ocean air in so so long.

Smiling he swam off to go take a nap where the heroes wouldn’t disturb him. Unless they sent the orca man. Which would culminate in an underwater battle he would undeniably win. So reaching a patch of seagrass far enough from the beach he laid down and slept.

3 hours later the orca man showed up, because of course he did. “Heroes these days.” He muttered. “Can’t stick to their own damn business.”

“I’m here to take you to Tartarus, come quietly and you won’t he hurt.”

“Grand orca you know better than that, I can’t be hurt. And your not the only one who evolved to live underwater.”

“I could say the same to you.”

“First off that doesn’t make sense second you better back the fuck up before u get smacked the fuck up.”

“Wut.”

“The fact that tik toks essentially a historical artifact now. God what do y’all do for fun?”

“Your under arrest.”

“Im not going anywhere but you know who is?”

“Wha-“

“UR MOM.”

He turned around and shot a metric fuck ton of oxygenless air out of the blowhole on his back, sending Grand Orca straight out of the water and flying through the air above. “Fuck now I gotta find a new spot.” He dejectedly swam off.

Chapter Text

Singing to himself softly Izuku approached the surface, near a fishing port god knows where. “You go down just like holy Mary, Mary on a, Mary on a cro-“

“SHUT UP SIREN IM TRYING TO FISH.”

He popped his head out of the water and stared at the man leaning over the edge of his boat. He was young and weirdly scruffy, and didn’t look any older than Izuku. “You know I’m like the worlds greatest villain right? I just massacred the entire hero commission.”

“I don’t give a shit fuck off Siren.”

“Siren, wow you think my voice is that nice?” He flapped his gills to flex the fact he had them and ran his webbed hands through his hair.

“Now don’t you go luring me into the sea I’m catching the fish not feeding them.”

Izuku blinked at him then in the highest most feminine voice he could muster started singing the wellerman shanty. The man threw his hands up and walked away from the edge. “Siren’s these days, don’t know when to quit it.” Izuku heard him mutter as he stormed off to start the boats moter.

He stared at the edge. I’m seducing that man if it’s the last thing I do. He reached up and grabbed onto the edge of the boat as the motor started, lifting himself gracefully out of the water and flapping his gills to show off the fact he had them.

The man turned to stare. “Off.”

“Please I’ll drive the fish into your nets like a sheep dog.” He batted his eyes and the man sighed.

“Go sit in the net I’ll chuck you in with it.”

Izuku eyed the grotty net with distaste and instead sat on the floor. “Thanks but no.”

“So, worlds greatest villain huh? What you do to think your that.”

Izuku laughed and pulled his mask out of the pocket dimension. “Mighta seen this in the history books, tho they tried to cover me up. Led the quirked rebellion 200 years ago and took over the world. Intoxication, Ink and Fury.”

The man dropped the anchor he had just picked up. “You bitch slapped the president.”

“So hard his man boobs concaved.”

“I saw I was there.”

“Cunt what.”

“I shot you.”

“Did u miss.”

“Yes.”

Izuku looked him up and down. “A fellow immortal?”

“A fellow god.”

“Well shit means your in my age range.”

“Off.”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry please I’ll sing for you.”

“I’d rather listen to a dying cat than the shit that comes out of your mouth”

“Rude.”

“If you don’t shut up I will compress you into this marble and throw you into the sea, we’re nearly there so go jump in and heard the fish.”

“Yes yes but by the way.”

The man hmmed questioningly.

“What’s your name.”

“Just call me compress, Mr Compress.”

Chapter Text

Sirens wailing outside her house Kinoko signed. “Matter of time.” She murmured, running her fingers gently over her mushroom grow case. Her house was humid all through and her parents were out. Smiling gently she exploded spores from her body, filling and covering the room as they grew and started to produce their own spores. Sirens approaching she opened the door to her room and ran through the house, spores releasing from her pores and turning the house into a biohazard.

She touched her precious mushroom children as she ran, letting them collapse and explode with more spores of noxious poisonous mushrooms. The sirens stopped. Her house fully coated and completely unnenterable for both police and sniffer dogs she opened her front door and ran out to the busy street where the police cars had parked in front of her house and were getting out.

People were filming the police as they approached her, her mushroom covered figure standing a good few metres away from the police.

A man approached her and walked behind her, grabbing her arms and cuffing her wrists together. “Kinoko Komori you are under arrest on suspicion of commercial drug dealing and possession. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.”

Kinoko thought very carefully about what she wanted to say, thinking back to what Izuku had taught her. “Approximately three times a week I have unprotected sex with yo MOTHER. I WANNA FUCKING LAWYER.”

She got ignored and loaded into the paddy wagon.

—————

“Holy shit Kats look at this.”

Bakugou looked over to his eggplants screen watching as he increased the volume. The shy girl from class 1b that Izuku favoured was surrounded by cop cars.

Through the muffled audio he could perfectly make out what she was saying, something Izuku had said to him when he wouldn’t stop yelling. “Approximately three times a week I have unprotected sex with yo MOTHER.  I WANNA FUCKING LAWYER.”

He watched as she got loaded into the police van. The camera panned shakily to her house where an officer walked in then immediately keeled over backwards and fell smack onto the concrete.

“Holy shit Mushroom bitch got arrested.”

“I bet nedzu’s regretting letting Intoxication on now.”

“Nah he castrated endeavour Nedzu’s pretty happy.”

“... I feel like I’ve missed a few chapters.”

“I rage quit watching the news and dragged you out for groceries remember.”

“I want compensation for that I actually like the news.”

“What kind of compensation eggplant?”

“Can I get a kiss.”

“Fuck off.”

“Worth a shot.”

Chapter Text

Cult lay on his couch, flicking through the channels on the tv looking for the right one. Skipping past Noelle they swiped their finger down and looked at the new episodes ready for release, all that was required was a little bit of tinkering with he speech. “Effort,” he murmured swiping across to the next channel. Izuku’s face popped up. They clicked and the mask of Intoxication showed up.

“Haven’t visited you in a while now have I?” They reaches into the tv and pried the mask from his face, slipping it on. “Can’t leave my readers waiting now can I? Now how do I want this story to go?” He smirked behind the mask. “Let’s get my favorite boys together.” The eyes on the mask glowed green. He pressed his palm through the screen. “Let’s pay you a little visit. Lemme introduce myself, I’m Poser.”

——————

Shinsou walked into the living room of his and bakugous squatter house. “It’s official baby we have rights.”

“Rights?”

“Squatter rights, we’ve been here long enough we can’t legally get kicked out anymore.”

“What cunt.”

“I’ve lived here the full 12 years, I legally own this property now.”

“You we’re living here since you were 4?”

“With my parents yes, so I now own the place, correction you as my soon to b husband co-own the place.”

“And why would I marry you?”

“I come with a house and a cat.”

“Deal motherucker lets go get your dads we’re going to the courthouse.”

“Don’t you wanna date me first Kats?”

“We can do that after I want a house.”

Shinsou pulled out his phone and clicked on dad no 1. It only took 3 rings for Aizawa to pick up. “Yes Shin-“

“Dad I’m getting married can you drive me to the courthouse.”

“Toshi. Toshi what the fuck. MikeeeeeEEEEEE.”

“YES DARLING.”

“COME HERE. Toshi wants to get married.” There was a couple clangs and a loud bang before Mic had grabbed the phone.

“OH MY GOD HITOSHI THATS GREAT WHO ARE YOU MARRYING AM I GETTING GRANDKIDS.” Shinsou winced and turned the call volume down.

“Bakugou.”

“... THATS GREAT SON WHY.”

“Because.”

“Mic gimme back the phone.” Aizawa is heard wrestling it out of Mics hands before talking over the speaking role. “Hitoshi Shinsou, you are way too young to get married.”

“I get tax benifits.”

“Don’t marry for the tax benifits.”

“MARRY FOR THE TAX BENIFITS!”

“SHUT UP MIC. What do Bakugou’s parents even say about this?”

Shinsou looked over to Katsuki shrugging.  “Haven’t asked em yet.”

“The old hag will probably be estatic to get rid of me.”

“Well ask them first then comeback to me.”

“Is that a yes.”

“No Hitoshi it’s a solid maybe.”

“Fuck yea love you byeee.” He hung up before Aizawa could change his mind. “Call your mom.”

He walked over to lean over Bakugou’s shoulder and watch him call her. He put it on speaker and waited. After a couple rings she picked up.

“What is it brat?”

“I’m getting married.”

“To who.”

“My eggplant.”

“.. you mean Shinsou?”

“Yes.”

“MARESU COME DOWN HERE.” They listened for his fathers voice on the phone.

“What is it darling.”

“Katsuki’s gay you owe me $50.”

“Fuck I was so sure he liked that pink chick.”

“He wants to marry Shinsou.”

“Isn’t he a bit young?”

“Divorce is always an option we got divorced 7 times and look we’re still together.”

“Ok when’s the wedding.”

“Today if you’ll sign the paperwork.”

“Whatever you want son.”

“Fuck yea.” He hung up and grabbed Hitoshi, spinning him around. “Getting a house motherfucker that’s so good.”

“You get me too you know.”

“Pros and cons.”

“Ouch. Go put on something presentable we’re getting married.”

“You proposed in those clothes you’re getting married in those clothes and I will do the same.”

“Alright Kats, cya in the courthouse.”

Chapter Text

It was a beautiful wedding, no ceremony actually they just went to the courthouse with thier parents and signed a piece of legal paper. "So guess this means we're together, eh shortage." 

"Do I get to kiss the groom?" Hitoshi asked, the corners of his mouth tightening to a smirk. 

"No homo bro, but just so you know I'm not wearing socks."

"Oh n-" he was intupted by his husband grabbing his neck. "Shut it with the sarcasm eggplant." He leaned in and grinned in a maniacal way Hitoshi had come to find cute. "Happy wedding motherfucker." And then he kissed him. Oh my god he kissed me first bro I wanted to do that. He raised his hand to hold his husband's cheek. But might as well enjoy this now.

-----------------------

Katsuki slammed the fridge door. 

"KATS!" 

"WHAT? Our fucking butters jewish bruh."

"I'm sorry what? Is that racist?"

"No what?" Katsuki reopened the fridge and grabbed something before slamming it down on the table Infront of Hitoshi. He read the label. NUTTEX KOSHER .

"Oh, shit true." He laughed. "It's fine it's just butter it tastes the same."

"So it's environmentally friendly?"

"Sure."

"Oh fuck yea."

-----------------------

Denki sat idly on a rooftop beam watching the scene on the warehouse floor. He toyed with a !real disk connected to a wire that ran down the beam and across the rooftop. A charging cable and a control panel, with a single spark he could activate every gun hidden in the shadows of the beams. His boss sat bellow on a small stool. She was talking animatedly with a man in a navy suit. Beanie, via regulation he can't have any kind of frace covering but good on him for hiding his hair and not risking being turned away with a cap. No visible quirk, uhhhh C'mon denki what would Izuku take not of, ooh henchmen. He turned his attention breifly to the door where a dog-wolf mutant sat being pretted idly by a woman with scales. Tall, kinda thick ooh, no focus, long black hair, plain black t-shirt and pants, scales must be hardened if she isn't wearing anything at all. Or she's stupid. 

A raised voice from his boss, Shroomy turned his attention immediately back to her as he squeezed the disk slightly harder. He had taken a step forward, Denki expected him to move back when she raised her voice but he stayed in  place. October stepped closer to her, raiseding 5 of his arms as she leaned forward on her stool. 

Then she held her hand out. Open palm down, close, palm up, pause. Missiles? activate, shoot? No. He smiled letting his quirk finally flow out from his veins into the metal disk he'd been waiting to use so long, lights flashed on as layers upon layers on guns turned on, those with laser aim thingys (he doesn't know what they're called) pointing directly at the heads of all three. 

He looked up, looked back at her, nodded and handed her a bag he'd had resting by his foot. A laser focused in on the bag. Just incase ya'know. But she signalled off and he let go of the disk, letting the firearms disarm as she laughed and touched his shoulder. Better luck next time, bro I wanted to use these. Nah don't think like that that's villain behaviour. Is it? Eh who cares irl cod lessgoooo.