Work Text:
This was getting ridiculous.
Wilbur was just staring at his computer screen as he watched the emails pile in from his teachers. Each was concerned about his mental health and the E he had kept pretty consistent through the school year. Wilbur was usually a pretty good student. He was never straight A's by any means but good none the less. This year, though, that was not the case. Each assignment that he turned in late (if at all) taunted him endlessly. Its not like he didn't want to work, just that whenever he tried, nothing could be done. He'd just stare at the screen and heaven forbid Philza came in and tried to help. No, Wilbur didn't need help, he was a good student. A good student.
With each new email came a new threat of a phone call home. Months ago that might have been a horrifying thought. Now though, it was just a normal occurrence. Phil would receive a phone call or an email detailing his sons grades and Wilbur would get yelled at. Well- maybe not yelled at, but it was a scolding for sure. Tommy teased him endlessly about that, not like a kid could ever understand. Nobody ever seemed to understand.
Wilbur took a shot at trying to explain once but it only ended in him crying and having to walk away before Techno came home and saw his breakdown. Nothing changed that day.
So here Wilbur sat, emotionless in his room.
Wilbur couldn't help but glance at the stash of assorted alcoholic drinks he had hidden under his bed. Maybe it would take the edge off, maybe it would help. Deep down Wilbur knew what he was doing was bad and would hurt him later on but he didn't particularly care. After this school year his life was fucked anyways, right? With these grades he'd never get into his dream collage so what's the point?
He sat up and made his way a crossed the room, grabbing a bottle of what appeared to be general whiskey. Nothing particularly special about seeing as it was a common brand but he didn't care even if it was special, it would get him drunk. He didn't know the first damn thing about drinking. It wasn't the first time he tried and he figured it wouldn't be the last but he never bothered to look up anything he might need to know. Maybe he should've, but he didn't.
After grabbing the bottle, Wilbur set it on his desk and made his way into the bathroom. Sitting on the marble countertops was a small water cup used for washing out your mouth after brushing your teeth. It was plastic so he grabbed it, washed it out, and took it into his room. He hoped Tommy wouldn't mind too much. Using his newly acquired cup he poured the cup to about a quarter full and took a swig. He was able to finish it in one go but he came close. Wilbur was a little disappointed when the alcohol didn't take immediate affect but that was normal, he just had high expectations. The first time he tried to drink, he drank way too much for his first time and just ended up barely lucid which eventually lead to him passing out on his floor. The next morning was not pleasant to say to the least. He was determined not to make that mistake again, though.
Picking up the glass for a second time, he drank a little more. He poured again, and drank a little more. It didn't take long for his body to start reacting and relaxing. Since his first time was spent barely alive, he didn't anticipate himself becoming even more depressed than he already was. That wasn't right, he should be happy! Why wasn't he feeling better? Was he so damn hopeless that not even the adult fix all couldn't fix him? Surely not, maybe he just needed a little more? He poured himself another half glass and with time drank that too. It didn't help. Wilbur was getting tired so he went out into the kitchen to grab a glass a water before he called it a night. What he hadn't anticipated in his drunken state was his father being in the living room watching a movie.
"Wilbur?" Phil called out to him from the other room. All Wilbur could think was 'Ah Fuck'. Wilbur tried to turn around quickly but ended up stumbling over his feet and giving his dad a clumsy smile. It wasn't hard to tell he was drunk out of his mind, you could just see it in the way he moved and the way his eyes seemed glazed over or distracted at any given moment. "Wilbur, are you?-" Phil already knew the answer, he didn't know why he had asked but maybe just maybe, he was wrong.
"I'm sorry, Dad." Wilbur cried out. Tears welled up in his eyes are he tried to look his father in the eyes. "I just wanted some water..." He tried to slip away from his father's gaze but it followed him everywhere he went. When Wilbur went to grab a glass and almost dropped it, Philza knew he had to step in.
"Wilbur, what the fuck did you do?!" He wasn't referring to the half pulled out glass in the cabinet, even Wilbur knew that, but he had to try his luck.
"Almost dropped the glass..." He whimpered out. With all the commotion Techno had come out of his room with a shitty grin on his face. Well, that was until he saw Wilbur's state. After which he just looked concerned. Wilbur didn't appreciate that, he just wanted to slip away and cry in his room with some peace and quiet. So, he tried to slip away. Little did he realize, however, that his legs were just as drunk as him. A moment later he was leaning against the hallway wall trying to get away but just looking like a sad octopus put on land. Techno put his arm out to catch his brother but Wilbur just waved him away. Phil couldn't help but just watch him stumble his way down the hall. What the hell was he supposed to do? Phil and Technoblade exchanged glances before returning to watch Wilbur stumble along.
When he finally got the door shut, Wilbur flopped on his bed and sobbed. What else could he do? He hoped he wouldn't remember this utter embarrassment in the morning, maybe nobody would bring it up either if he was lucky. Though, Wilbur knew someone would, he wasn't lucky, he never was. Wilbur's eyes wandered over to his computer where he left the screen on the piling in emails. He considered shutting his computer down for the night but when he went to get up, he decided it wasn't worth it and left it alone. With a bit of struggle, he pulled the chain of his lamp to turn it off and went to bed.
The next day was horrible.
He figured he would stay in his room the night before but when the morning actually came, but it was a lot harder than expected. It was almost like Phil was trying to punish him. All he wanted was some breakfast but when he left his room he found that almost every light was on in the house. Was that normal? He never really paid attention till now. On top of that, Tommy was blasting music from his room and Philza wasn't saying a damn word. That was definitely unusual but he decided if Phil wouldn't do it, he would. Wilbur raised his fist to bang on the door but before he could actually hit it, Philza stepped out of his room and greeted Wilbur with a smile. Damn bastard was doing it on purpose. Why was everyone trying to spite him?! With a huff Wilbur just turned away and with a mumbled "morning." Nothing was worth the little energy he had left so he just moved into the kitchen.
He turned off the light and closed the curtains before pulling some aspirin from the cabinet. As he measured it out in his hand, Phil approached him from behind and grunted. That was Wilbur's chance to turn around and apologize but he stayed in place and pretended he didn't hear it.
After a moment or two of waiting Phil softly said Wilbur's name but when he still received no response, he shouted it. "Will! Look at me." Wilbur flinched but paid it no mind as he got some water from the sink to swallow the pills with. Phil was frustrated, he didn't want to be, but he couldn't help it. When his son turned away from him, he grabbed his wrist and spun him around before holding down his shoulders and locking him place. Wilbur gave him the most terrified look he'd ever seen. He never wanted to see such fear coming from his son, especially when it was caused by him. Despite this, he didn't apologize, he just faltered in his grip, giving Wilbur the chance to grab a box of cereal and slip away. He tried to softly say his son's name again but all the came out was a defeated whimper. Phil turned back to face the counter and sighed.
All Wilbur felt was rage. The nerve, the absolute nerve of his father. Who did he think he was? Grabbing Wilbur like that. Maybe he had good intentions, maybe he didn't mean to, but it didn't matter to Will, he was just angry. Angry, and sad. As soon as he closed his bedroom door, he sobbed. Not even his father loved him anymore. If his dad couldn't love him, who could? Wilbur's brain flashed to his younger brother but he quickly waved the idea away. Tommy didn't know him, not really. Even if he did love him now, he wouldn't if he knew the truth about Wilbur. He was just a failure, a total and complete loser.
In an attempt to calm his thoughts, he pulled out his guitar. It was a soft acoustic that he got when he was 9. Since it was so old he only really used it for practice and recorded any music with his more recently bought electric. It sounded better to Wilbur anyways so it wasn't a loss by any means. Wilbur put his earbuds in and played his favorite song, strumming along with it as he had learned to do so long ago. No matter how overwhelmed Wilbur got, he could always count on music to ground him, always.
Between the earbuds and his own thoughts, Wilbur hadn't heard Techno step into his room and just, exist with him. Technoblade was listening, but not invasively, he was just- there. When Wilbur finally did notice, Techno had been there a good two or three minutes. He didn't seem to mind, though. Wilbur just ripped his earbuds out and glared at Technoblade for invading his space. Especially when he was in his safe zone. "What do you want?" Wilbur hissed.
"Dad asked me to search your room for any... drinks." Techno had lost his comfortable stance and now just seemed anxious.
"Tell him I only had the one." That was a lie and they both knew it but Techno just hummed a response and started to close the door before he paused.
"Will?"
"What."
"Are you okay?"
A simple question. It was a simple question. Even so, Wilbur almost broke down then and there. No one ever really asked him if he was okay, nobody who mattered at least. Techno, however, did matter to Wilbur. He had upset more than just Phil but Techno too. He just wished he could control his little rebellious outbursts. Maybe he wouldn't be so depressed all the time he was just normal. A normal teen like he used to be. Oh well, nothing he could do now. He never could do anything, could he? He shook himself out of his pit of self pity and nodded before waving Technoblade out of his room. Techno just sighed and closed the door leaving Wilbur alone again. Always alone, that's just how things were. He never needed help before, so he sure as hell didn't need it now.
Playing his guitar could pass hours at a time. It was a quite useful tool of procrastination if he did say so himself. Sometimes, afterwards he'd be in a good enough mood to get his work done. Not often though, so he never used music for motivation.
Before he could even think to check the time Tommy knocked on his door and called him out for dinner preparations. Everyone helped with dinner, that was the rule. Wilbur didn't particularly feel like eating, though. He pondered for a moment before opening his window and slipping out. He was sure Tommy would come back to yell at him for taking too long but he knew he had a couple minutes before that happened. Just enough time to slip away, right? Right.
The sun wasn't quite set yet so he still had some day light to find a comfy spot to hide out for a bit, maybe call up a friend or two. Though, the more he thought about it, the less he wanted to talk to anyone. Even his best friend just seemed too hard to talk to, he just wanted to be alone. Maybe he shouldn't have gone out alone, maybe he shouldn't have gone out at all, either way he didn't care. He started to care when he looked to the local lake's beach shore, however. He found it was much harder to control his thoughts than he had previously assumed. That seemed to be a reoccurring problem for him, self control. But as he gazed at the lake, he wondered if it even mattered in the end. Nobody cared about him and if they did, it wasn't in the way he wanted. Sure, there were girls crushing on him at school and all that but he wanted to really, truly be loved. Not romantic love, that was too much for him at the moment. He just wanted someone he could count on in the end, but that was asking too much and he knew that. Once upon a time he had his mom, she loved him no matter what. He could always count on her. Not anymore though, she was gone now. She left Wilbur behind, just like everyone else.
He took another glance at the lake. It was probably cold but maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Maybe he could just- swim for a bit. No other intention, just swim. Deep down he knew exactly what would happen if he stepped in that water but for now, he could lie to himself. It was just a nice peaceful swim after all!
Wilbur took a couple of steps before breaking into a dead sprint towards the water. His heart was racing with fear and excitement. The faster he moved the last time he had for regret, right? Wilbur made sure he was quick with removing his sweater and placing it softly on the beach. He wanted someone to know, even if no one cared. It brought him some solace to think he wouldn't be forgotten so quickly. Even if it was just a memory made by a curious passerby questioning the presence of his bright yellow sweater, it was something.
He took a couple steps into the water before diving in and shivering in both cold and anticipation. The only thing that could make this better would be a cold drink in his hand, oh well, no going back now. No time for regrets, right?
Wilbur let himself just kind of float there for a bit. He thought of his family. Would they care of his absence? He hadn't even thought to leave a note. Maybe that was for the best, though. His secrets would drown with him now. Deep down isn't that what he wanted? He wasn't entirely sure anymore. Wilbur noticed his thoughts catching up with him so he just plunged himself into the depths of the water and hoped. He didn't entirely know what he was doing but he just swam down and down as far as he could before his body started to go into panic mode. He wiggled around and tried to swim up but before he could even see where the surface met the water, his vision started to go dark.
Of course it was Techno's job to find his shit twin. He loved Wilbur to death but Phil really needed to do something about his rebellious behavior before he decided to kill them all. Wilbur was always the impulsive one despite how cold and calculated he seemed. Though he was sure people thought similar of him. All his thoughts were interrupted, however, when he approached Wilbur's favorite hiding spot. It was the town's lake. It was deep as hell but the water was clear for a lake none the less. That didn't matter much with the sun pretty much over the horizon now. All Techno could worry about was the sweater haphazardly thrown on the beach. He shone his flashlight on the lake as he ran. He could see Wilbur's beanie in the water along with some panicked bubbles rising violently to the surface of the water. Wilbur had mentioned doing this before, why hadn't Technoblade done something sooner? He knew something was wrong with his beloved brother but he was too stupid to even stop and think maybe he should step in and help. All Techno ever did was a small check in here or there and most of the time Wilbur didn't even hear him. He was such an idiot, god he hoped he wasn't too late.
Diving into the water he searched around for his stupid twin but found nothing. He was going to drown if he didn't come up soon. Well- not really but Techno couldn't help but worry himself thinking about it. The only other thought in his head was that he was too late, he killed his brother by his own carelessness and anxiety. The first thought seemed nice and calm in comparison. That's when he saw Wilbur's body floating in the water. He looked oddly graceful like this, his curled hair waving about with his face in a peaceful almost smiling expression. No time for thinking, though. He had to save Wilbur, that's the only thing that mattered now. In one swift motion he grabbed Wilbur and swam up as fast as he could. Now above water, he thrust Wilbur onto the peer and pulled himself up after. God he hoped Wilbur didn't need CPR though he was sure he did. Techno didn't know CPR, he was taught in school but never certified. What the hell was he supposed to do??
Technoblade just put his hands on Wilbur's chest as best as he remembered and went through the movements as best he could.
The first thing Wilbur remembers is pain, horrible, horrible pain. Then, the face of his sobbing twin. No, that wasn't right. Why would Techno be crying? Not a lot of time was able to be given to that thought before he started coughing out water. wheezing and crying as he hacked every last drop from his lungs. When he looked back at Techno, Techno was holding a phone, probably talking to dad. Wilbur didn't want to talk to dad, he just wanted to run away from everything. No one would let him run away from his fuck-ups. He was angry, impulsive, anxious, and he hid himself away. Why would anyone want him around. Wilbur just didn't understand any of it. He especially didn't understand when he saw his father running towards him with his little brother in tow both crying themselves. All Wilbur could do was curl up in shame. He couldn't even seem to kill himself right, what a worthless human being. Before he could get too far into that thought his father dived down to envelope Wilbur in his embrace. When was the last time he was hugged with such love? He couldn't remember but he knew he liked the warmth. Something about it told him everything would be okay now. All his worries and fears seemed to melt as Techno and Tommy joined the hug. All the sudden everything he was worried about seemed so small in comparison. All he could do was cry with the rest of them as he wondered how he could ever think they didn't love him. All this embrace held was love, no malice, no ulterior motives, just love.
It was everything Wilbur ever wanted, love. He knew in that moment despite everything, he would be okay, it would all be okay.