Work Text:
When Bucky Barnes saw the unnatural green glow lighting up the New York nightscape, he revved his motorcycle and raced towards it. He tapped the communication bud tucked in his ear.
“Cap, I found one near the parking garage on 47th! I’ll be there in a few seconds!” Bucky expertly weaved his bike around the crush of cars that slammed on their brakes in front of him.
“Copy that,” Sam Wilson responded. “Rhodey and I found one hovering over the bridge. Be safe, man.”
“Holy shit, what is that? What is that?” yelled a man walking his dog on the sidewalk. His Rottweiler barked furiously at the pulsating green lights coming from behind the parking garage, nearly choking itself on its own leash. The man kept yelling as he struggled to drag his dog away from the area. Dozens of other screaming and panicked New Yorkers were fleeing the scene as fast as they could.
When Bucky rounded the corner, he finally got a good look at it. The rift.
It was huge. At least two stories high, and it spanned across most of the street width. The jagged edges of the doorway rippled with mystic green energy, and from it came a loud whistling howl, as the atmospheres of two different worlds swirled and coalesced into an extra-dimensional storm.
Dr. Strange had an extremely complicated explanation for these arcane rifts manifesting all over the city, but from what Bucky could gather from his briefing, they were tears in the fabric between their reality and a dark dimension…
…one filled with a lot of deadly creatures that would see this world as a new feeding ground.
Crawling out of the rift was an oily black squid-like creature the size of a taco truck, with a gaping maw and at least a dozen ropy tentacles. A lone policeman fired his service revolver at the monster until one of the tentacles coiled around his neck and began pulling him towards its mouth.
Bucky skidded his bike to a halt and had his rifle drawn before he even leapt off his seat. Although it had been months since he’d allowed himself to use a weapon, the rifle still felt like it was as much an extension of his own body as his prosthetic arm.
He planted his feet and swiftly fired five rounds at the outstretched tentacle. It severed with an oily splotch, releasing the cop who tumbled to the ground, clutching his bruised throat and gasping for air. The squid creature emitted an agonized shriek that made Bucky’s ears feel like they were spiked with icepicks.
Bucky gritted his teeth and ignored the pain caused by the squid’s high-pitched cries. He strutted defiantly towards the wounded officer while firing at the creature’s head. Finally, the squid collapsed and stopped moving.
He felt a pang of remorse when he saw the beast go down.
Stop. Don’t kick yourself. It was going to eat that guy! Killing a monster doesn't make you the Soldier again.
“T-thank you, thank you, Sergeant Barnes!” muttered the frightened officer, his eyes filled with grateful tears as he pulled the tentacle off his throat. “What was that? Oh, Christ…I thought I was gonna die! I’ve got kids…”
“It’s okay. You’re going to see them again.” Bucky hauled the officer to his feet. “Officer…Dunlap, is it? Look, I need you to pull yourself together. The Avengers are going to shut these rifts down, but in the meantime, I need the police to cordon off every street in a two block radius. Don’t let anyone get close! You got that?”
Bucky’s steely resolve in the face of the eldritch threat got through to Dunlap, because he squared himself and nodded. “You can count on it, Sergeant.” The officer tapped his shoulder microphone and began coordinating with his dispatcher as he exited the area.
The squid’s death knells must have attracted scavengers, because a swarm of at least two dozen cat-sized bug creatures, with luminous blue shells and large pincers, began skittering out of the rift. Some of them began devouring the squid carcass, but others spotted Bucky and moved in to attack.
They were extremely fast, but the Winter Soldier’s muscle memory kicked in to slaughter the insectoids in a matter of seconds in a hail of perfectly executed gunfire. As their carapaces exploded, noxious yellow gloop splattered all over the surrounding area.
Bucky frowned as another wave of insectoids advanced from out of the rift. He took cover behind a crashed taxicab and picked off creatures like he was a kid shooting paper targets at Coney Island. Even long before he joined the army, he had all the makings of an expert sniper.
After eight decades of combat, killing had become easy. Too easy. It was far harder to ignore the instinct to take every kill-shot, to make every punch a killing blow. If he wanted to remain an Avenger, he would have to be very careful not to slip back into old habits after this mission.
As his kill count rose higher and higher, he clenched his jaw and kept reminding himself he wasn’t an assassin. Not anymore.
“Incoming!”
Out of nowhere, a katana wielding man in a red and black body suit vaulted into the fray, effortlessly slicing and dicing a half dozen insectoids with a whoop of glee.
“That is for making me miss the Golden Girls marathon!” he exclaimed while flinging a gloopy carcass off his blade. He re-sheathed his katanas behind his back. “Ew, these critters smell worse than Blind Al’s tuna casserole! Where the heck did they come from, the Upside Down?” He turned to face Bucky.
Upon recognizing him, the man dramatically smacked his hands on the sides of his cheeks. “OHMYSTARSANDGARTERS! You’re the Winter Soldier!” He bounced up and down and squealed like a teen age girl. “You may not believe this, but I’m your biggest fan!”
Bucky scowled and felt a blush creep up into his cheeks. “I uh, don’t go by that anymore, and no offense, but I don’t want any fans.” He terminated a dozen more of the insectoids, which judging by the numbers must be part of a humongous colony.
The strange man waved a pshaw at him. “Aw, you couldn’t offend me if you tried.” He absent-mindedly stomped one of the insectoids, producing a sickly crunch under his boot. “Can I just give you major props for that Qatari ambassador hit back in 2005? I mean, taking down an entire embassy in twenty seconds? You are an absolute legend!” He blew Bucky a chef’s kiss while crushing another bug underfoot.
Bucky was so rattled he almost missed his shots while he fired at a cluster of attacking creatures. “Who the hell are you, and how do you know about that?!?”
“Where are my manners? Sorry, I’m Deadpool, but my friends call me Wade!” He heartily extended his hand to shake, but Bucky just glowered at him while he finished off the last remnants of the insectoid swarm.
Deadpool shrugged, unperturbed by the slight, and lowered his voice into a flirtatious whisper. “Seriously, please call me,” he said, holding his fingers by his ear like he was cradling a phone. “Day or night. I’ll slip you my digits later!”
Then without missing a beat, he swiftly pulled out two pistols from his hip holsters and used them to kill a purple bat-like creature soaring out of the portal.
Although he appreciated the back up, Bucky knew he would need to be wary of this one. Deadpool might act like a clown, but he was obviously quite deadly.
Ignoring the come-on, he leveled his eyes at Deadpool once there was a lull in activity. “If you know about the Qatari job, then you must be a professional.”
“You are the first one to ever accuse me of being remotely professional, but yes, I guess we did share the same line of work,” Deadpool chuckled. “But no worries! I’m pretty much retired. I only kill assholes now.” He pointed his guns at the remains of their kills strewn all over the street. “Considering these critters all smell like the inside of an elephant’s poopshoot, I’d say they qualify!”
As Bucky escorted some terrified bystanders away from the rift, he watched in amazement as Deadpool gracefully annihilated wave after wave of extra-dimensional invaders, like a deadly circus acrobat putting on a show. His dexterity was simply incredible.
The man seemed to love narrating his own act, too – because he kept talking, and talking, and talking…
“…and that, my buggy friends, is why Professor X looks EXACTLY like Captain Jean Luc Picard!”
Holy cow...and to think I thought Sam was too chatty on the job! The words sure sound like English, but I only understand a fraction of what this guy is talking about. Like, what the hell is a Kardashian?
Along with the constant stream of verbal diarrhea, it felt completely bizarre seeing Deadpool get so much joy out of killing everything in sight. The Winter Soldier may have been a master assassin, but he had never felt any pride in his work.
What...what the hell is he doing?
Bucky stared in disbelief while Deadpool pretended the severed head of one of the purple flying bat creatures was a hand puppet.
I honestly can’t tell which of us needs more psychiatric help, but at least Wade here seems to be having a lot more fun!
Sam’s voice came through his ear bud. “Bucky, you good over there? These suckers are NASTY!”
Deadpool’s katanas made short work of more swarming insectoids, like he was shoving vegetables through a food processor. Bucky grabbed a swooping bat thing right before it bit him and snapped its neck with his vibranium arm. He tossed it away from him and tapped his comm.
“Yeah, I’m good. Got some help. How much longer is it gonna take for Strange to close these rifts, anyway?” Bucky asked. While the two former assassins were easily holding their own, the stench of all the dead monsters piled up around them was becoming unbearable.
“He’s almost done. Remember, make sure you are away from the opening when his spell completes, otherwise you might get torn between dimensions,” Sam replied.
“Don’t worry about me, pal. You better keep those big wings of yours clear, because I’m not asking the Wakandans to make you another suit!” He could hear Sam laughing over the comm.
“Oooh, is that Captain America?” Deadpool asked after he back flipped away from a flailing tentacle that had tried to grab him. “Tell him I love the new look!”
A thick black tentacle lashed out and encircled Bucky’s waist, while another pulled his rifle out of his hands. This squid was nearly twice the size of the first one and it was so strong, it was able to yank him off his feet and pull him several yards. Bucky dug into the asphalt with his vibranium fingers to stop the momentum. With all his might, he threw his combat knife at the squid’s head stalk. When it pierced an eye, the squid let out a painful shriek and released him.
Bucky groaned, picking up his rifle as he rose to his feet. His ears were still ringing and his abdomen really stung where his jacket rode up and the tentacle had touched him. “Don’t get so close to the rift. Cap says this door is going to slam shut any minute now!”
A pack of large red scaled reptilian predators burst out of the rift and surrounded the duo, their fangs bared as they circled their prey. Bucky pressed his back against Deadpool’s as they simultaneously shot everything around them in a deadly arcing motion. Although they were acting on instinct, it felt as smooth as a choreographed dance, as if they’d been partners for years. Disgusting guts splashed all over the place, causing Bucky to grimace and recoil when some landed on his lip.
“Hey! Speaking of your partners, just between us bis, which milkshake brings all your boys to the yard: chocolate or vanilla?” Deadpool asked, still pressed a little too close for Bucky’s comfort.
Bucky spit, trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth. “Do you always talk this much?”
“Usually more, to be honest. But you're so much hotter in person, it is making me a little tongue...WHOA!” A tentacle grabbed Deadpool's arm and lifted him into the air. He tried to cut it with one of his katanas, but a second tentacle sent it flying.
Bucky aimed his rifle at the squid, but when he pulled the trigger, it jammed. “Dammit!” He dropped the weapon and rushed forward to grab Deadpool before he could be pulled into the other dimension.
“Don’t judge me, but this feels like one of my hentai fantasies come true,” Deadpool groaned as they grasped wrists. The squid was not letting him go without a fight.
The green glowing lights edging the rift sparkled and throbbed brighter as it began to shrink in size, and the otherworldly howling sound became almost deafening.
“Uh, oh, that can’t be good!” yelled Deadpool.
The rift closing resulted in a powerful vacuum, sucking in Bucky’s rifle, the monstrous carcasses, and even his motorcycle! Any stray debris not nailed down was being pulled into the dark dimension. Thankfully all the civilians had been evacuated, but Bucky was still in a tug of war contest with the tentacled monster on the other side, who now had Deadpool suspended halfway through the rapidly closing rift.
Bucky grasped a fire hydrant using his bionic arm for leverage, and with every bit of strength he had he pulled Deadpool closer, screaming from the intense strain.
With a blinding flash of light, the rift shrank to the size of a pinprick, and all resistance instantly vanished. Deadpool crashed against Bucky’s chest as the two tumbled to the ground.
“My hero!” Deadpool gushed as he embraced Bucky…with only one arm. A fountain of blood spurted out of Deadpool’s stump where it had been severed by the rift, just a few inches below his shoulder.
“Oh, no…no!” Bucky levered Deadpool to his side and unbuckled his belt to use as a tourniquet. “Don’t move, don’t move!” When Officer Dunlap ran up to them, Bucky begged him to call for a medic.
Memories of losing his own arm kept pushing to the surface. The smell of blood, the pain, the horror. His heart threatened to pound through his chest, but he forced those thoughts aside and focused on fastening the belt around the stump and pulled tight.
Deadpool coughed weakly and caressed Bucky’s cheek while he ministered to him. “Will you do something for me, Soldier? In the years to come, will you – cough, cough – will you light a candle…and remember me on my birthday?”
“Don’t talk like that. Stay with me, Wade!” No one had extended Bucky any kindness when he’d lost a part of himself, so he covered Deadpool’s hand on his cheek and squeezed it gently, wishing he could see his eyes behind his mask. He glanced over at Dunlap. “Where’s that medic?!”
“On their way!” Officer Dunlap sat down on his haunches and got a closer look at Bucky’s patient. “Wait a second…isn’t that Deadpool? Since when did crazies like him become Avengers material?”
Bucky clenched his jaw and tried not to let the “crazies” jab bother him.
“I wanted to have your children,” Deadpool murmured in an exaggerated whisper before tweaking Bucky’s chin dimple.
“Uh, what are you doing?” Bucky asked, his eyes narrowing as he gradually realized he was being played.
“He’s acting out a scene from Highlander. Great movie!” Officer Dunlap chuckled once and stood up, dusting himself off. “I think we can cancel the ambulance, Sergeant. Didn’t you know? Regeneration is Deadpool’s super thing. I’m not even sure he can die.”
“WHO WANTS…TO LIVE…FOREVER?” Deadpool sang out at the top of his lungs just as the ambulance rolled up to the scene.
Exasperated, Bucky rolled his eyes and forcefully extricated himself from Deadpool’s clinch before the lunatic could kiss him. The paramedics jogged over to look after Deadpool’s wound, who kept singing another verse as Bucky stepped away.
Ignoring the serenade from his would-be suitor, Bucky turned to Officer Dunlap and offered his hand to shake, which he happily accepted.
“Thanks for evacuating the area, officer. You saved a lot of lives tonight.”
Dunlap grinned back at him. “Are you kidding me? You were the big hero! I’m going to be able to kiss my kids goodnight, instead of becoming some monster’s dinner. Everyone in the neighborhood can! Thanks again. You’re going to make an awesome Avenger!” He clapped Bucky on the shoulder and rejoined the other first responders who had arrived on the scene.
Bucky smiled to himself, unaccustomed to receiving praise like that. It would be a long time before he saw himself as a hero, but for once, he let himself bask in the compliment. He tapped his comm.
“Sam, think I can I get a pick-up? I’m fine, but the damn rift ate my bike!”
“Sure thing, Buck. We’re wrapping things up here, so I’ll be there shortly.”
“Wow. Don’t we smell awful!” Deadpool joked as he sidled up next to him, wiping some of the insectoid gore off Bucky’s leather jacket. They were both covered in it, as well as a ton of his blood. The paramedics had bandaged his stump, and were seeing to Dunlap’s throat injury now. “Don’t worry about this,” he wiggled his stump at Bucky. “It’ll grow back in a day or so.”
Bucky’s brow furrowed. “Huh. That must be nice.” He gulped, feeling strangely flushed now that he was alone with Deadpool again. Despite their wildly different personalities, Bucky felt a curious...simpatico with the man that he couldn’t yet define.
Deadpool looked him over, head to toe. “Soooo…my place is just a few blocks from here if you want to clean up. We could order some chimichangas, pop on some Disney+, take a long, lingering, completely gratuitous shower together…to save water, of course!”
Bucky crossed his arms and frowned at him. “I’m not going home with you, Wade.”
Deadpool held up his hand. “I get it, you’re an old-fashioned guy, you don’t put out on the first date…”
“…this was a battle, NOT a date,” Bucky interrupted, hoping Deadpool couldn’t see his cheeks redden under all the splattered goop.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. Every date with me inevitably ends in bloodshed and mass casualties! And sometimes ninjas.”
Bucky couldn’t help letting out a tiny laugh. He shook his head slowly and grinned. “You’re not going to let up, are you? I swear to God, you are the strangest person I have ever met in my entire life!”
“Considering you were born over a hundred years ago, I’m gonna take that as a compliment!” Deadpool bowed to Bucky, adding a grand flourish at the end. “It was a pleasure getting to work with the man, the myth, the legend...”
“Alright, alright, that’s enough. Stick to killing assholes so we never have a problem, okay?”
Sam finally soared into view; the winged Avenger circled the city block as he searched for Bucky. He waved when he finally spotted him.
“Oh, yay! Look in the air! It’s Captain Cockblock!” snarked Deadpool as Sam landed on the other side of the street.
“Goodbye, Wade,” Bucky chuckled over his shoulder as he made his way over to Sam. “Thanks for watching my back.”
“Any time! AN…Y…TIME!” Deadpool drawled. Bucky did not have to be a mind reader to tell he was checking out his ass while he walked away. “Follow my Instagram! It’s @wintersoldierstan616!” he called out while Bucky was still within earshot.
Bucky palmed his face and sighed. “I’m not the Winter Soldier anymore,” he grumbled under his breath.
“Who was that back there?” Sam asked when the two were aloft. “Did Spidey get a new costume?”
“Oh, that was definitely NOT Spider-Man,” Bucky replied, smiling to himself as Deadpool slowly disappeared from view.
“Hey, Sam. Do you think I should get an Instagram?”