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After the fight with Mizuki, Naruto needs someone to talk to. But Iruka-sensei is still healing, and Hokage-sama is too busy dealing with the aftermath to deal with his questions, and no-one else can even look at him, let alone speak with him. So Naruto goes to the next best option - himself. Or, more accurately his clone.
Naruto takes to calling the Clone Ichi, because really, Naruto-original and Naruto-clone are too long, and Naruto feels bad simply calling him Clone cause that’s just rude, yknow? Ichi situates himself on Naruto’s floor and Naruto hangs from the ceiling, and they talk about everything that happened. Naruto learns some exciting things from the conversation, like how Ichi has all his memories - and, apparently his personality, which wow, that’s a wake up call - and Mizuki’s words hadn’t been some weird, adrenaline and fear fueled hallucination.
Immediately after this conversation, when Ichi has dispelled, Naruto learns a third more exciting - and probably even more important - thing. He gets his clone's memories. Naruto gets his clone's memories.
Ichi is instantly summoned back, and is in the same state of fucking elated. Ichi’s the first to suggest they use it to study - which, ew, but also Naruto supposes even if the clones are technically him, he won’t be the one actually doing the work, so he can pass it. They strategise this new study plan for hours - long enough that Naruto’s entire stock of ramen is completely depleted before they’ve even come up with a schedule.
Once they have that fleshed out, Naruto comes across the first obstacle - Konoha Village isn’t exactly welcoming of him, and he doubts they’d be very happy about multiple Naruto’s. And after spending so much time with Ichi - with himself - Naruto can’t find it in himself to blame them. Ichi suggests using the Henge, which duh, but also huh? Naruto’s pretty sure a Transformation Jutsu is supposed to be really hard to keep up - something about the catra, chakra, whatever - plus the Kage Bunshin is supposed to be near impossible, and does Ichi really think they’d be able to do both? At the same time? For extended periods of time?
Naruto appreciates the ego boost, really he does, but he’s almost certain now that his clone is fucking insane. But, well there’s no harm in trying, right?
A lecture from the Hokage, some random kid - Jiji-sama’s grandson? - declaring himself Naruto’s disciple or whatever, team allocation and three days later, Ichi has become a permanent fixture in Naruto’s life. They have another day before they meet their jounin sensei, and they are not prepared. At all.
Sure, Naruto can actually read now, but that’s kind of pointless when he still can’t understand anything. Like basic Katas, or simple Jutsu theory. Or why no-one in the village is talking about an Academy teacher committing literal treason. Ichi reckons it’s because if that got out, the civilians wouldn’t allow their children into the Academy, and Konoha needs all the soldiers it can get. Naruto puts his money on the Council not wanting foreign-nin knowing how easy it is to get their ‘Forbidden Scrolls’.
(I mean really, one Jutsu - a simple Henge, at that - and he had full access to the Hokage’s office and every secret in there. Naruto shudders to think of what could’ve happened, if he’d been a little less in love with his village.)
They spend the next ten hours raiding every basic Shinobi book in the library - all ten clones Henge’d into some form of child, so as to avoid suspicion (and embarrassment). Ichi focuses his efforts on basic footwork, and Naruto singles out the language books. Normally he’d just bail for physical training, but recently they've learned the more Naruto-original learns directly, the easier it is for the Clones to understand everything else. And for Naruto to actually learn.
This is, suspiciously, only for the basics, however. Probably something about control or whatever Iruka-sensei is always going on about. They find it hard to pay attention when people talk, because they always use words he doesn’t know, or quite understand, and normally he’d just ask what they mean, but for some reason adults always get really mad when Naruto asks questions, and the kids would only ever laugh at him. He thinks they think it’s a joke. It’s not.
By the end of the ten hours, Naruto has essentially wiped the library’s entire stock of Shinobi Training and Preparation Books directly into the creases of his brain. And this thought is the first of many, many unhinged trains. Ichi sticks around even after every other clone has dispersed, and he picks up the now 8-year old Naruto - still somehow Henge’d even with the mental exhaustion of ten people cranking out ten solid hours of study, jesus, why did they ever think the Henge wouldn’t work? - and carries him back to the apartment, cooks some instant ramen for himself and some vegetable stir-fry they bought the other day for Naruto.
When they finish eating, Ichi is still around, and even goes as far as to tuck himself into bed with Naruto. By the time the sun is coming through the curtains - flimsy as they are, god they would so be buying new ones with their first pay - Ichi is still curled up in Naruto’s bed. Neither are exhausted, and honestly Naruto can’t say he minds the company so - he stays.
Ichi is there when he unrolls their burrito, and he’s there when he gets out of the shower, and when he stops for breakfast and even as he’s just about to leave. Naruto can’t bring himself to leave him alone in the apartment, and he is absolutely not telling him to dispel.
So Ichi Henge’s himself into a.. giant orange spider wasp? - Oh yeah, subtle dude. Ichi, in his wasp form that is big enough to fit into the crease of his palm, - holy shit why is he so big, that is a solid two fucking inches - settles himself somewhere on Naruto's neck, and god that is going to take some getting used to.
And then they’re off to the Academy, to meet their jounin sensei.
When introductions come around - seriously, what are they children? Don’t answer that. - Naruto comes to a startling conclusion. He had almost said we - had almost referred to himself as us. And, well. That’s probably indicative of something. Like the overuse of a Forbidden Jutsu. Unfortunate, but not fatal, per say - just, embarrassing. Naruto can feel the vibrations of Ichi’s little wasp chuckles, and that is so not it. He is absolutely getting put in time-out, or whatever adults do to kids who annoy them.
(He’s pretty sure he’s a special case, because normally they’d just shove him, or hit him, but he’s never seen someone so much as even raise a finger to another child, let alone a fist.)
When Kakashi asks them not to eat breakfast Naruto has about three different thoughts in one second. - One: Naruto has never once regretted breakfast, ever. (Even when they made him sick because he didn’t check the ingredients.) Two: Naruto barely follows Iruka-sensei and Jiji-sama’s orders when it comes to food, so really Kakashi is just setting himself up for disappointment, and three: bold of Kakashi to assume he’d have the supplies for breakfast anyway.
Ichi forces him to at least have half a bowl of plain rice, and a handful of trail-mix. He says it’s to offset the lack of a packable lunch, but Naruto knows it’s just to be spiteful.
Two bells. Kakashi has two bells, and a zero-percent pass rate. Now, Naruto’s certainly not a math genius, but even he knows something about that doesn’t add up. If the entire test was getting the bells, he’d have had at least one genin under him at some point. Plus, Kakashi has this look in his eye - one that Naruto is used to himself, but not so much when it’s directed at others. Not when it’s directed at the Uchiha.
Their Sensei expects them to fail. And normally, sure, that would be valid - they’re a bunch of genin, against what is supposed to be the strongest jounin of Konoha - but normally that team wouldn’t contain a “Child Prodigy God” (or whatever they’ve taken to calling Uchiha these days, god Naruto can’t fucking keep up) and also a literal demon.
And Naruto is counting himself, thank you very much, because even if his grades in the Academy where bad, he’s still got more catra - chakra, fuck - then every person in the village combined.
But that’s not the point - the point is their Sensei expects them to fail - expects them to do the same things as every other team he’s had to test. And really this could just imply that he’s expecting too much of freshly minted genin, but also Kakashi looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here. And he’s certainly not trying, that much even Naruto can tell.
So that leaves one option - he’s lying. Naruto doesn’t know what he’s lying about, but he knows he is, and that’s all Naruto needs.
He charges.
He fails. Miserably, really. Ichi-wasp flew away the moment Naruto took his first step and that probably should have been a warning but, yknow. Naruto’s never listened to another person in Konoha and he’s certainly not starting now.
He can see Ichi sitting on a rock - which, hadn’t been there before? And - oh.
Of course.
With all the practice they’ve gotten with Henge recently, Naruto’s - and therefore his clone’s - transformations have become increasingly realistic. And what better way to steal something, then to have the victim never see you at all?
The next time Naruto is kicked away, he’s running toward Ichi before he’s even hit the ground completely. He hides behind the rock - and he hears Kakashi sigh, and mumble something along the lines of “hiding” and “terrible”, which normally, Naruto would find insulting, but since he’s not actually hiding - they ignore him.
Ichi undoes the Henge on only his face - Naruto is going to fucking puke, what the fuck. He never wants to see a wasp with his face ever again, - and lands on the shell of Naruto’s ear.
They strategise.
The next time Naruto charges, he’s taken the opportunity Uchiha gave him with all his pretty little kunai tricks.
Naruto is behind Kakashi before he even materialises fully from the swap. Kakashi, even with the ‘surprise attack’, dodges flawlessly. Naruto charges again, head on and straight for Kakashi’s front.
“Seriously? Maa, you’d think you’d learn by now.”
Kakashi blocks his fist, and throws him back, but that’s ok because the plan wasn’t to land the punch anyway. It was just to make contact, and Kakashi had done that for them.
Ichi un-Henge’s the moment he’s near the bells, kicking out to the side, propelling himself - and consequently Kakashi - to the side with the unsuspected movement. Ichi’s gone again the second he touches the ground.
Kakashi smiles behind his mask - well, Naruto assumes it’s a smile.
“Maa, that one actually caught me, but you’ll have to try a lot harder to take me down.”
And, really -
“Who said we were trying to take you down?”
The bells - both of them, still neatly tied together - hang from Naruto’s outstretched fingers.
He’s already a fan of the scowl that forms on Uchiha’s face.
It is revealed afterward that Kakashi was lying - the test was to see if the team would be able to maintain loyalty, even in the face of one of them failing. Naruto nearly laughs - oh, no, he definitely laughs.
Sakura and Uchiha stare at him like he’s grown three heads, Kakashi just seems offended and Naruto can feel Ichi’s little wasp vibrations right under his ear, and that sets him off harder.
Which sets Ichi off harder, which - it’s a horrible cycle, really, one that ends in Ichi having to un-Henge before he accidentally stings Naruto or something and makes him start crying, because that would be even harder to explain then “I befriended my clone.”
Fuck, they’re pathetic.
“In our defense, it’s weirdly easy to not only perform Kage Bunshin, but to also hold it while simultaneously doing other Jutsu, I mean - ”
Sakura punches Ichi before he even finishes.
It’s the first time in about thirty-four hours that Ichi dispels, and Naruto faints.
He wakes to Sakura yelling something about not meaning to hurt him, which - doesn’t make sense, but know what? Kakashi’s the one that deals with this now, motherfucker.
Who, speaking of, is sitting oddly close to Naruto’s face - because he has Naruto’s head cradled in his lap. What the fuck.
Naruto is not used to any kind of physical contact that doesn’t end in some kind of violence - even Iruka-sensei usually only gives him back or shoulder slaps - and now his head is being fucking cradled in another man's lap.
Naruto can be forgiven the following outburst, surely.
“What the fuck -”
He’s standing - with Ichi next to him, and add that to the list of worries, because Naruto does not remember summoning him - off to the right and about three arms length away from his sensei within three seconds of opening his mouth.
Naruto hadn’t moved.
And that kinda hurts, because surely Naruto can’t be that despicable - afterall, Kakashi had to have been the one that initiated it, because Naruto was unconscious - and then Naruto has a thought. A horrible one, a no good, very bad, terrible thought. One that Ichi obviously shares.
What if Kakashi is one of the ones that despise him? What if Kakashi is one of the ones that wants him dead?
Naruto loses strength in his legs, and Ichi goes down with him.
“I don’t see why you’re so worried, Kakashi, it’s not like it’s hurting us.”
“Yeah, Sensei! Obviously I just need to get better at the memory thing, or whatever.”
Ichi see’s the punch coming this time and dodges, which just leads to Sakura shouting, to both of their horror.
“Naruto! Use honorifics when talking to someone so obviously superior! Kakashi-sensei is our sensei, and you should address him as such! Idiot!”
“Well, firstly - I’m not Naruto, that’s Naruto, and two - Kakashi isn’t my sensei, he’s Naruto’s and - referring to point one, I’m not Naruto. ”
Naruto hums his agreement and Sakura looks about three seconds away from kunai-ing the both of them when Kakashi steps forward.
“Not Naruto?”
Which is literally one of the stupidest things they’d heard come out of an adult, and they’d been around drunk civilians. Naruto hopes the stare Ichi gives him conveys this, because he’s too busy being confused about what’s confusing.
Judging by the - extremely - subtle sweatdrop forming, Naruto assumes it is.
“Yeah. He’s Ichi. For like, the number one -”
“We know what ichi means, Useless.”
And now Ichi looks about three seconds from kunai-ing Uchiha so Naruto grabs his hand, just as Kakashi extends his.
“Then it’s nice to meet you, Ichi. Don’t think you get out of introductions, either, if you’re going to be so adamant that you’re not Naruto.”
Ichi bows, shakes Kakashi’s hand, and then bolts. Eh, at least he was polite about it. Now Sakura can’t get mad.
Naruto grins like a mad man. Ichi doesn’t get far.
“My name is Ichi, my hobbies are interesting, my dislikes are my own, and my goal is to help, support and protect Naruto in whatever he needs, wants and chooses.”