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It was a beautiful Sunday morning if only a little warm. The summer sun shined a brilliant, blinding white in the cornflower-blue sky, illuminating the grasses on the sidewalk.
He was walking down the street, hands playing with the hem of his maroon T-shirt, deep in thought.
The warm summer breeze was playing with the loose strand of hair, swinging it back and forth in the white mole scattered skin of his forehead.
Stopping in front of the flower shop, he took a minute to enjoy the crisp floral air before pushing the door open and stepping inside.
He looked around in fascination, there were beautiful colorful flowers in equally beautiful vases all around the small square shop.
Someone coughed, snapping him back in reality, he remembered why he was there in the first place.
He tore his eyes away from the beautiful sunflowers in a golden vase and looked where the sound came from.
All the thoughts escaped his mind once again as his eyes landed on the most stunning thing he has ever seen.
A boy was standing behind the counter, surrendered by flowers, the sun reflecting off his eyes, making it look like molten gold.
He was wearing a white shirt and Thomas could swear he could see a white hollow around the boy's golden hair.
It was simply breathtaking.
The boy coughed again, snapping him back in reality for the second time, Thomas blushed a dark shade of pink when he realized he was caught starring at the boy, mouth agape.
He tried to compose himself "Uh.. sorry.. hi.. i.." he stuttered.
"How can I help you mate? Do you have any specific flower in mind?" The boy asked, a soft angelic laugh escaping his pink lips.
'Oh my god he's British, can he be more perfect?' Thomas thought to himself, blushing more when he realized he was staring at the boy like a fish out of the water, once again.
"Um.. sorry again... I'm not here for flowers actually. I'm looking for an old gentleman, I think he owns this place?"
He said scratching the back of his head, looking around the shop as a distraction so he wouldn't stare at the angelic boy again.
"When was the last time you saw him then?" The boy asked while arranging some flowers in a bouquet.
"Around 2 years ago I think?" Thomas answered stepping closer to the counter and looking at the boy's talented fingers wrapping the flowers with a red ribbon.
"I think you are talking about my grandfather. I'm sorry but he passed away a year ago" the boy said a sad smile on his lips.
"Oh...i...I'm sorry for your loss" Thomas said sympathetically while looking at the completed bouquet in amazement.
"This is gorgeous" he murmured not expecting the boy to hear.
"Thanks, mate" the blonde winked -fucking winked- at him and Thomas's heart skipped a beat.
Before he could say anything stupid like 'you are gorgeous or something equally as stupid, the boy continued "What is your business with him anyway? Did he owned you money or something? Maybe I can help you"
"Oh, oh no no no, it's not like that... you can't help... it was..uh.. something personal" Thomas rushed out, waving his hand frantically as he spoke.
The boy gave him a weird look "OK, then"
"Yep, I should... I should probably go.." Thomas stated weakly, not moving to leave at all.
He looked around the shop searching for an excuse to stay a little longer, not wanting to leave the blond so soon. Though there was nothing except flowers in sight.
Flowers. That's it
"In second thought, do you have a flower meaning 'sorry for being an ass, please forgive me'?" He asked grinning like an idiot
"Well, I do have some flowers with a meaning like 'sorry' and 'forgive me', but I don't know about one that specific" the blonde laughed eyes shining with amusement.
"Great. I want a bouquet of them. I'm Thomas by the way"
"Name's Newt," the blond said as he stepped around the counter to gather the flowers.
"Well Newt, not to be creepy and all, but can you perhaps show me your grandfather's grave after you wrapped the flowers ?" Thomas grinned.
~~~
He sat down on the floor, putting the bouquet of purple hyacinth on the cold stone.
He broke the silence after a few moments, turning his head around to face the blond beauty beside him
"I guess it's only fair if I explain why we are here"
"You don't have to tell me anything mate. You said it was personal" Newt said a small smile on his lips.
"I want to though." Thomas ran his hand in his hair messing it up.
"Then I'm all ears"
"2 years ago, I don't remember the exact date and time, I don't even remember why. But I remember it was still early afternoon and I was drunk off my ass already. Walking down a street with a girl I don't even remember her name." Thomas chuckled dryly.
"She saw the flower shop and she wanted some roses so I went in, stumble in more like, and your grandfather tried to help me. Asking me if I was ok and what did I need. But well, I was drunk and a total asshole at the time. So I snapped at him, I think I even broke a few vases. Then I just grabbed some red roses and left" he looked down in shame waiting for Newt's reaction.
"So why now? Why come to apologize after 2 years?" Newt asked curiously, no trace of judgment in his voice.
Thomas shrugged and stood up, dusting himself off "I was still an always drunk asshole until 6 months ago, before..before something happened that made me rethink my life choices. I had a change of heart you can say"
Newt nodded in understanding, standing up himself he put a reassuring hand on Thomas's shoulder "I'm sure he has already forgiven you mate"
"Well I sure hope so"
They walked back to Newt's car in silence, since he drove them to the cemetery not knowing Thomas had his own car. not that Thomas objected. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with the blond.
Sitting in the car, Newt started the engine before turning to face Thomas
"So what would you say to a coffee and more talking?"
"Well, I could never say no to a coffee, and I would like to talk more" Thomas answered smiling happily.
"Alright then" Newt grinned and started to drive.
~
"So what else do you do, except walking around asking for forgiveness?" Newt asked and took a sip of his coffee.
They were sitting in a small coffee shop each with a cup of steaming coffee in hand.
Thomas blushed and took a sip of his black coffee to hide his face.
"Oh my god, I was joking mate, but you did actually went around apologizing," Newt said, shock and wonder in his voice.
"Uh, yeah...your grandfather was the last one on my list" Thomas mumbled in his coffee
"Hey, I wasn't making fun of ya .. it's actually sweet of you" Newt smiled at the cute brunette in front of him.
Thomas gave him a small smile.
"So what do you do? Except working in the flower shop?" 'And looking like an angel' he thought the last part to himself.
"I go to college, I study art. What do you study? If you're in college that is" Newt asked curiously, he wanted to know everything about the interesting young man in front of him.
"Well I was studying engineering, but I dropped out for personal reasons" Thomas answered while taking the last sip of his coffee
He glanced at the blond's empty cup and stood up
"Fancy a walk?"
~
They talked for near 2 hours before it was late afternoon and time for Thomas to go.
Newt parked his car a street down the flower shop, where Thomas told him his car was parked and turned off the engine.
"It was nice meeting you Newt, I really enjoyed our time together," Thomas said weakly, not wanting to go.
"Did you enjoyed it enough to want a redo? As a date maybe? Or just as friends, whichever you want" Newt asked shyly looking at Thomas's big brown eyes a soft smile on his lips.
Thomas's heart was beating frantically in his heart. He wanted nothing more than to say yes, to take the blond angel to a date and another and another.
But he was aware of his condition, he knew he couldn't drag Newt in his misery.
"I...I really like you Newt, you are a great person, but I don't think I can, I'm sorry"
Thomas answered without looking at the blond. He opened the door and hopped out of the car.
"Hey, it's ok, we can just stay friends Thomas no hard feeling," Newt said a tone of sadness in his voice.
Thomas closed the door and looked at him through the open window
"I can't, I'm sorry, thanks for the drive"
He gave the blond one last smile before turning around and walking to his car, but not before hearing the blond's last words
"Bye Tommy"
Thomas turned on the engine and started to drive, not looking back once.
'This is for the best' he thought to himself 'this is for the best' he repeated over and over in his mind.
This was for the best but it didn't make it hurt any less.
He drove away from the boy who caught his heart from the very first moment and tried his best not to break down.
And he succeeded, till around an hour later when he parked in front of his little apartment anyway.
~~~
Newt was sitting behind the counter, desperately waiting for a new order to work on when the door opened and a young girl came inside.
Newt stood up and went behind the counter
"Hi, how can I help you?" He asked politely but the girl was just staring at him. It made him remember someone else but he shook his head trying to push any thought of Thomas in the back of his mind. It had been 2 months but he couldn't help thinking about the brunette from time to time.
He coughed trying to catch the girl's attention, not enjoying the stare.
"Oh sorry, I'm here to order a flower arrangement for a funeral." She said with a sad smile, stepping closer.
"I'm sorry for your loss, any special flower in your mind?"
"Sunflowers please, the rest doesn't matter, he liked everything." She answered while looking around the shop.
Sunflowers were a strange choice for a funeral.
Tommy loved sunflowers too.
'For god's sake Newt, stop thinking about him' he scolded himself.
"When do you want the flowers?"
"The ceremony is on Friday"
"Alright mam, just write your information here," he said giving the girl a thick notebook.
The girl wrote everything down, but instead of living she pulled an envelope out of her pocket and put it on the counter.
"This is for you, he was right you do look like an angel," she said with a sad smile before leaving the shop.
Confused, Newt grabbed the envelope and opened it, inside were two folded papers.
He opened the papers and figured it was a letter of some sort.
He sat down on his chair and started to read.
Dear Newt
If you are reading this, it means that you have seen Brenda. She is the badass-looking brunette with short hair and dark eyes also known as my best friend.
Anyway if you have seen her then it means she actually listened to me for once and came there to order the flowers and give you this letter.
What I really wanna say is that I'm sorry.
We didn't know each other for long, a few hours actually -and that's all my fault, believe me, I know- but in the short time that I had with you, you became an important person in my life.
Not to sound creepy but from the first moment that I laid my eyes on you surrendered by those beautiful and colorful flowers, I felt a connection with you that I have never felt before in my life.
Well, it didn't hurt that you looked like an angel in that white shirt of yours, your golden hair and eyes glowing in the morning light. It was a magnificent sight.
̶I̶s̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶e̶e̶p̶y̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶i̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶i̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶a̶p̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶l̶i̶p̶s̶?̶ ̶A̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶i̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶a̶s̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶o̶n̶c̶e̶.̶
Wow, getting a little out of hand there with my emotions, sorry.
I'm trying not to bore you to death with a long-ass letter but this is the first time I'm writing one and to be honest with you I'm getting a little out of hand with emotions and excitement.
The point -and yes there is actually a point- is that I like you quite a lot and when I declined your invitation to a date it wasn't because I wasn't interested. I just want you to know that it wasn't because I didn't found you date-able(Is that even a word? Who cares I'm making it a word). I just didn't want to drag you to this shit show that I call life.
You know my past and what I did, who I was. But what you don't know is why I decided to change. Well, I told you that I had a change of heart, that was true, but the reason for that is also the reason I rejected you.
Almost 8month ago on one of those nights that I was drunk off my ass, it got so bad that Brenda has to get me to the hospital so I wouldn't die of alcohol poisoning.
And well, a shit tone of alcohol was not the only thing the doctors found in me.
That night after taking a lot of tests and scans they found that I have a tumor. Brain tumor. And well, after another shit tone of tests they figured out that it was so bad that they couldn't cure it. And honestly, I didn't want to spend the little time I had left in a hospital bed anyway.
At first, I got worse than I was. More alcohol, more partying, more everything.
But then I just..., to be honest, I don't even know what happened I just didn't want to live the rest of my short life like that anymore.
And the rest you know. Going around asking for forgiveness of anyone I did wrong in the past, And finding you.
So now you know the real reason I rejected you. I really didn't want to drag you in That. You were too good to be with a dying man. And believe me when I say walking out on you after rejecting you was one of the hardest things I ever did.
So yes the flower arrangement that Brenda asked for is for my funeral.
I'm sorry I asked her to get them from you.
I guess, I just wanted a part of you with me that day.
You are a good man Newt. In fact, I think you are amazing. And if I had more time with you I'm sure I would have fallen in love with you in no time. ̶I̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶i̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶l̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶.̶
Sorry if I tired you with this. I just needed you to know.
Live a happy life Newt.
Goodbye
Love. Tommy (̶i̶m̶ ̶s̶o̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶i̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶)̶
~~~
Newt sidestepped the graves until he found the right one.
He sat down on the ground in front of the cold stone of Tommy's grave and put the single sunflower on it.
It has been 10 days since he read the letter and 7 since he arranged the flowers for the ceremony, crying his eyes out with every single flower he put in a bouquet.
He couldn't believe the beautiful, happy brunette who walked into his flower shop around 2 months ago was dead.
He certainly denied it until now, sitting in front of Thomas grave, reading his name on the stone, he couldn't deny it anymore
Wiping out the stray tear falling on his cheek he played with his fingers and started to talk
"He Tommy, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, I was in denial until now, I didn't want to believe you were gone." He chuckled dryly.
"I wish the reason you rejected me wasn't that you were dying. It hurt thinking you didn't want me but knowing you were somewhere living the life you wasted before was enough. It was enough and now it hurts even more knowing you were suffering and I didn't have any clue"
"I read your letter, obviously. And I just want to say that you caught my attention from the first moment I laid my eyes on you too."
"You were so beautiful and then I got to know you and you were sweet and kind and...yeah I liked... I like you a lot too" he couldn't stop the sobs anymore.
"I'm. I'm sorry too Tommy, I'm sorry I didn't get to be yours. I'm.."
"I wish me and you had a chance to be us"
He stood up, dusting himself off
"I think I'm a little bit in love with you too Tommy" he murmured and started to walk back to his car. Not before he said his last words
"Bye Tommy, sleep well love"
He was going to live the life Tommy didn't get the chance to.