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I mean, he has good hair, Sirius thought to himself silently. And his body isn’t hard on the eyes and-
“Holy shit!”
“Padfoot?!” James exclaimed in shock. “What’s wrong?!”
“Nothing,” Sirius awkwardly laughed. “Sorry, I, uh, thought I saw a snake-”
“A snake?!” James screamed in horror as he ran to stand behind his brother. “Where?!”
“I thought I saw a snake, Prongs,” Sirius lied swiftly, rolling his eyes in amusement and slight embarrassment. “No snake, don’t worry about it.”
“I knew that,” came the awkward cough as a hand ran through his hair. “Come on, let’s head back to the house… Just in case there’s a snake somewhere.”
“Sounds good, Prongs.”
I’m in love with my brother, Sirius thought as the horror set into his heart. What in the Wattpad/pure-blood nonsense shit is this?
“Why the fuck… why do I have feelings when I look at my brother,” Sirius whispered as he typed the words into his Google browser.
Ever since he realized his thoughts about his brother’s hair and body, he couldn’t get the question off of his mind. Why did he think-no, scratch that, why did he know that James looked good? James was his brother! That was not okay but Sirius couldn’t deny that his brother was good looking. It was horrifying.
“There’s only one person I know I can talk to about this...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Andy! This is serious!”
“I’m so sorry...”
“Then stop laughing!”
After an hour of being forced to socialize with the Black family and act like responsible Black heirs, Andromeda and Sirius had escaped to the roof to hang out and talk the rest of the night away. Their friendship was the only thing that kept the two cousins from leaving everything behind and leaving the family. They knew each other’s dark secrets and they knew the other like the back of their hand. Whenever Sirius had a question about life or something random, his cousin Andy was the person he went to.
Like all the times Sirius would bring up a question or a comment, there was no warning for Andy at all. This time, Sirius had blurted out the only thing he could:
“I think I have feelings for James, my brother, and I refuse to follow the Black tradition of marrying and having feelings for a relative.”
“Okay, okay,” Andy managed to breathe out as she tried to compose herself and stop herself from falling off the roof. “Talk me through it, love.”
“I just… He’s fucking good looking,” Sirius began, waving his hands as he tried to explain. “His hair, it’s like, hair! And his face is great to look at and holy shit, he’s my brother!”
“Okay, just because you think he looks good doesn’t mean you’re attracted to him-”
“I don’t think he looks good,” Sirius interrupted with a look of offence on his face. “I know he looks good! Like, damn… we’re 13! This is some Wattpad shit-”
“What the hell is a Wattpad?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Sirius replied dismissively. “If this part of my life was a book, it would be called “In love with my best friend/brother” and that’s very wrong!”
“Okay,” Andy began, shaking her head in amusement and confusion, “let’s start from the beginning, okay?”
“Okay...”
“Do you think he’s attractive?”
“I-have you been listening?!”
“Yeah, yeah, shut up,” Andy replied with an eye roll. “Just trying to cover all the bases. Okay, would you say that you love him?”
“No! That’s not okay if I do-”
“That’s not the question, do you love him?”
“He’s my brother-”
“Fine, do you want to kiss him?”
“Hell no!”
“Do you want to make out with-”
“Andy! Stop!”
“Do you love him as a friend?”
“Yes? I mean, maybe love isn’t the right word because that might mean-”
“An idiot,” Andy mumbled to herself as she smacked the back of her cousin’s head. “There is more than one type of love, it’s not all sexual and romantic, Sirius.”
“What?”
“What do you mean ‘what?’”
“There’s only one type of love,” Sirius began slowly as he tilted his head in confusion and curiosity. “What are you talking about?”
“When someone loves you, it doesn’t always mean that you have romantic feelings or sexual feelings about them.”
“So I can love someone and not want to… well, you know?”
“Of course,” Andy replies with a soft smile. “I mean, I love you, Sirius. I love you and as much as I love you, there is no way I have any sort of feelings of romance towards you.”
“So… I can love James? Even though he’s my brother?”
“Of course,” Andy whispered, gently messing up Sirius’ hair. “You can love anyone and everyone if you want. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have feelings for them.”
“Oh… I guess that makes sense...”
“What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing-”
“Bullshit!”
“Excuse you, I am a child of God! Do not use that language with me-”
“You’ve sworn at least four times during this conversation, cut it out and tell me the truth or I’ll push you off this roof.”
“Casual murder threat,” Sirius mumbled quietly, ducking the hand that tried to hit the back of his head. “Love that for me.”
“I’ll go back inside-”
“Okay, okay! I’ll talk, damn, woman.”
“You’re so weird,” Andy laughed lightly. “What’s on your mind?”
“Why do I know he’s good looking if I don’t love him… you know...”
“I never said you were blind,” Andy retorted bluntly with an eye roll. “You have eyes and you have… feelings.”
“Please don’t give me the talk...”
“Sirius, it’s perfectly normal for a boy to have urges-”
“Andy,” Sirius begged with pleading eyes, “don’t do this...”
“And with those urges, feelings may arise with both female and male anatomy-”
“Andy!”
“It’s normal, love,” Andy managed to say with a straight face as she placed her hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Maybe in this family it is frowned upon for a man to be with a man, but it’s perfectly normal-”
“Okay, okay!” Sirius exclaimed, making his cousin finally drop the act and start freely laughing, holding a hand over her mouth and using the other to keep her still on the roof.
“I’m so sorry...”
“You are not!”
“You’re right,” she nodded, laughing louder at the look of betrayal on Sirius’ face. “But I’m being honest!”
“Please never try to tell me about… that… again,” Sirius mumbled as his face continued to burn bright with embarrassment. “I never want to have that talk again, especially with you.”
“Are you sure?” Andy asked, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “Because Ted and I have-”
“No no no! I don’t want to hear about that or… feelings!”
“But feelings are-”
“Feelings are gross when your cousin is talking about them!” Sirius exclaims, covering his ears like a child. “Feelings are gross and disgusting and I want nothing to do with them!”
“And that is perfectly fine as well,” Andy says sincerely once Sirius had uncovered his ears. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Is it about activities that involve feelings that I don’t want to hear from you?”
“No.”
“Then yes,” Sirius agreed, making his cousin laugh.
“Whatever you do in life, unless it’s joining the Death Eaters or becoming an evil and ruthless drug dealer with no heart, I’ll always love you and accept you. If you find a girl, boy, or person that you like? I will accept you and love you the same. If you decide that you want to stay single and be the crazy rich uncle that always has alcohol with them wherever they go? I’ll still always love you.”
“Andy...”
“As uncomfortable as it is, if you have questions or concerns or anything, I’ll always be here for you. Okay?”
“Can you promise me that?”
“I promise. I love you, Sirius.”
“I love you too, Andy.”
“So… any other person you know is good looking? You’ve got the gaydar.”
“I’m so done with you...”
“Uh-huh,” Andy hummed sarcastically. “Why don’t you go back to your waltpad and see if that helps you with feelings?”
“It’s Wattpad,” Sirius corrected with an eye roll, “and besides, feelings are gross. Wattpad does not explain them well.”