Chapter Text
Journal Entry, August 1st 20XX
I’ve been having a lot of weird feelings lately.
There is this Japanese boy that is in almost all of my classes. Nakamoto Yuta. He is absolutely beautiful with dark shaggy hair that covers his eyes sometimes. He wears makeup sometimes too, lining his dark eyes with jet black eyeliner. Honestly, I’m still a little scared of him but he seems kind. Donghyuck sometimes talks about him, telling me about the rumors he’s heard about Yuta. Yuta apparently had a child with Dong Sicheng the president of the Movie Club. Donghyuck also tells me about the people that Yuta supposedly beats up for fun. His hands are usually bruised so I believe him. He never has any other injuries though, Donghyuck says it’s because he’s that good at fighting that his opponent can’t lay a hand on him.
He’s terrifying. But for some reason, I want to talk to him? Whenever I see him sitting at lunch I want to go sit next to him. I want to ask him how his day is going. I want to ask him what the book he is reading is about.
My stomach hasn’t been feeling right, but in a different way than when I look at Donghyuck. It’s similar to the nervous feeling I get when he is around, but it’s worse somehow? Stronger. Whenever I look at Donghyuck I feel the butterflies start, the giggly puppy love feeling. Sweet and kind. When I look at him time seems to slow, flowers seem to bloom around him. Until he starts talking, then the flowers die and the butterflies turn into hawks. He stresses me out so much, why do I feel like this about him?
Why do I want him to kiss me more? It’s not like he only kisses me either. It’s not like I feel special when he does it, he kisses all of his friends. I’ve seen him kiss all of his other friends. He has so many other friends too, luckily some of them like me. Like Johnny and Jaehyun. They’re all so cool. Johnny was born in America! He speaks English! It’s so nice to be able to talk to someone and not have to actively think about what I’m saying. Korean is so much harder than French ever was. Jaehyun also speaks English well! He lived in America for 4 years! They’re so neat.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll turn another year older. Johnny is planning a huge party for me since his folks will be out of town this weekend. I’m grateful! But I also really don’t want some huge party where all of the kids show up because they think Johnny is cool. I want the people to like me for me and not for Johnny. I know it’s stupid for me to feel like this, I’m just some loser that happened to make one of the most popular guys in school laugh and they happened to get attached to me. I got lucky that I made a friend, let alone three. Meeting Johnny lead to becoming friends with Donghyuck and Jaehyun. I’m grateful to be friends with them, but they don’t understand what it is like to be an unpopular guy.
Yuta understands.
I hope he comes. I mean I did ask him to come last minute… But he laughed at me! Gah! He isn’t coming and I embarrassed myself.
Mark closed his journal as the last bell rang for the day, his classmate’s chairs scraping loudly against the floor as they all rushed to leave for the weekend. Mark moved slower, his thoughts still muddy even after his journaling. He gathered his things as Donghyuck, Jaehyun and Johnny entered the classroom to bright hellos and ‘What are you doing here’s.
“Mark!” Donghyuck called, pronouncing it more like ‘Melt’ like he always did, but that was okay with Mark. When Mark didn’t immediately appear at his side, Donghyuck started to look around for him, having to jump to see over most of the students who were standing in his way trying to talk to him.
Donghyuck was shorter than Mark was, but he was quick-witted and could convince an alligator that it was vegetarian if he chose to. His chocolate brown hair was fluffy and bouncy as he jumped cutely up and down trying to see where ‘His Melt’ was. He could have asked Johnny or Jaehyun, who stood either side of him, dwarfing not only Donghyuck but most of the students that milled around them. Johnny even made Jaehyun, who was only an inch shorter than him, look small. Mark’s classmates asked Johnny questions about his day which Johnny answered politely, meeting every person’s eye as he smiled at them. Mark knew Johnny was trying to intimidate them, knew that Johnny liked intimidating people. It was hard to not be when Johnny looked like he walked straight off the runway. His dark hair was always styled perfectly, today it was pushed back to show off his handsome face. Long legs, the perfect body, handsome face, and an overall super nice guy; it wasn’t surprising that Johnny’s locker was full of love letters every single day. He always politely declined anyone who asked him on a date, telling them that he had a boyfriend already. Mark had never met ‘Ten’, but Johnny said that he was absolutely gorgeous.
Not many people talked to Jaehyun, who seemed to glower at everyone that looked Johnny’s way. Mark knew that Jaehyun was sweet and caring under his tough shell, but most people preferred talking to Johnny or Donghyuck instead. Jaehyun’s hair was a soft pink, the color itself picked out by Johnny, who said it would make him look cute. It did, but Jaehyun was still intensely handsome and intimidating. Jaehyun met eyes with Mark and nudged Donghyuck to stop jumping, saying something that Mark couldn’t hear.
“Do they have to come to pick him up every day?” A girl sneered to her friend as Mark approached the trio, “Why do they hang out with him? He’s so fucking annoying.” Mark was used to hearing things like that from jealous people who wanted to get close to his friends. To be honest, he agreed with them, wondering why the trio kept him around. “He’s probably just their lackey or something.” The girls kept giggling and whispering even as Mark passed them, finally making his way to Jaehyun’s side. Jaehyun was a comforting presence for Mark, intense but gentle.
“Hey Mark, let me hold your bag for you,” Jaehyun said softly, not giving Mark much of a choice when he took his bag from him. Jaehyun wasn’t looking at Mark, instead looking past him, glaring in the direction the girls were giggling from. Immediately the giggling silenced, and the trio surrounded Mark and ushered him out the door.
“Melt!” Donghyuck always spoke a little too loudly, wrapping himself around Mark as they walked like they hadn’t seen each other in months even though it had only been an hour. He was always like this, so it was easy for Mark to get used to Donghyuck’s gentle touches, “I missed you so much!”
Mark could feel his cheeks heating up as Donghyuck pressed his lips gently against his cheek. Mark quickly pushed him off, making Donghyuck laugh loudly. They were almost to the exit door of the school when Mark noticed Johnny and Jaehyun were trailing behind them just out of earshot. And they hadn’t noticed Mark wasn’t being pulled off to their cars by Donghyuck, as he usually was.
“-being mean again, hyung.”
“Jae, he’s fine… He would tell us if someone was bothering him.” Johnny answered in quiet English. Jaehyun had spent a couple of years abroad in America, so they found it easy to talk to each other in Johnny’s native tongue. It was easy for them to talk about secrets in front of the other students who would have no idea what they were talking about. Unfortunately for them, that trick wouldn’t work on Canada-borne Mark.
Mark’s anxiety skyrocketed, he didn’t want them to think he was having trouble! People were just a little mean from time to time, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Nothing he couldn’t handle.
“Hey! I can’t understand you! That’s mean!” Donghyuck said from Mark’s side, apparently, he had heard them talking as well. Mark couldn’t meet their eye as Jaehyun lied to Donghyuck saying they were talking about food. It pleased the shortest of them to hear, he was always hungry.
A couple of hours later they were sprawled out under a tree, well-fed and basking in the late afternoon sun. Jaehyun carded his fingers through Johnny’s hair, the softest smile Mark had ever seen on his handsome face. Johnny was laying with his head on Jaehyun’s lap, fixated on his phone that buzzed near constantly. Donghyuck was laying on Johnny’s toned stomach, complaining every time Johnny moved or laughed. Mark sat apart from the trio, just far enough so he wasn’t touching any of them, the textbook that lay in his lap long forgotten.
After Donghyuck complained about Johnny’s stomach being uncomfortable a handful of times, Johnny shoved his head away playfully, “Go lay on Mark’s stomach, you never complain about it.”
There was a glint to Donghyuck’s eye when he looked at Mark like he really didn’t want to. Was Donghyuck mad at him? What had he done? Mark awkwardly laid down as Donghyuck crawled over to him and snuggled against his stomach. He seemed to sigh contently as soon as Mark stopped squirming and got comfortable.
“-the party?”
“Wha?”
Jaehyun blinked at Mark and repeated, “What are you wearing to the party?”
It distracted Mark enough to make him forget about his Donghyuck panic. He hadn’t thought about it, mostly because he wasn’t even sure if he was going to go or not.
‘They are only doing this for you, you have to show up.’ A tiny voice said in the back of his head, he shushed the voice before answering Jaehyun with a vague idea of an outfit, to which Jaehyun looked horrified.
It obviously was not what Jaehyun wanted him to wear.
Mark had gotten used to Jaehyun dressing him over the year that they had been friends. Jaehyun’s fashion sense was top notch and Mark really respected his opinion (although Jaehyun did want Mark to dye his hair a soft caramel color and Mark just couldn’t do it). The look of horror on Jaehyun’s face made Mark smile and before he could say anything defending his outfit Jaehyun had opened his phone and was rifling through different store apps.
“Markie hyung,” Meltie hyung, “It’s your birthday and you want to wear jeans?” Donghyuck seemed offended like he didn’t wear jeans to his own party a few months prior, Mark was going to call him out for that when Johnny decided to tear his attention away from his phone.
“Hyuckie, you wore jeans to your party.”
“That was different!” The youngest of them defended himself saying something about it being the fashion at the time or that they went with his outfit and made his ass look great. Which he was right, the jeans did look amazing on him. Donghyuck had even caught the attention of Moon Taeil, a senior and someone known to dislike parties. They had ended up in a closet together but Donghyuck wouldn’t give anyone any details of what happened in the small space. Johnny, Jaehyun, and Mark had joked about Taeil giving Donghyuck a special birthday present, and based on the way his face lit up bright red when they said it, it was true.
“Johnny, color?” The pink-haired boy poked his friend’s cheek, not looking up from his shopping tabs, even from where Mark was, he could see that there were at least a dozen open.
“Uh… yellow, I guess?”
“Alright.” Jaehyun nodded before tapping the screen a couple more times. When he was satisfied with the look he held out his phone to Mark, showing off the outfit he had created. It was a simple look, a light blue button-up and dark distressed pants paired with a pair of chunky boots. It seemed like something Mark would actually put on himself until he noticed the yellow half skirt off to the side.
“A skirt?” Mark wasn’t really against it, but it did make him nervous. Jaehyun’s outfits had never done him wrong but… what if it didn’t look good on him?
“It’s just a half skirt.” Jaehyun said, shrugging, “It’s no big deal.”
“Like the one you wore, Jae?” Johnny asked with a smirk up at Jaehyun who turned Johnny’s face away from him, his ears turning red. Johnny laughed to himself before his attention got caught by his buzzing phone again.
It was before Mark’s time with them, but Donghyuck had told him a little about the skirt scandal and how Jaehyun was dared to only wear a skirt. He did, apparently, something to do with his competitiveness and stubborn streak. According to Donghyuck, Johnny and Jaehyun had disappeared for half an hour and Jaehyun came back with his regular clothes on and his hair all messed up. Three days later, Johnny started dating some guy from Thailand.
Mark had seen the looks Jaehyun gave Johnny. He had spoken to Jaehyun in hushed voices, careful to not wake up Johnny or Donghyuck, at one of their sleepovers about it. Mark recalled the tears that filled Jaehyun’s dark eyes as he whispered that he was in love with Johnny. It was then that Mark and Jaehyun became the closest pair in the group, it was then Mark felt like he belonged. At least for a moment, before his anxiety flared again and made him feel unwelcomed. Jaehyun had always been by Johnny’s side, kind and gentle, always caring and sweet. They had known each other for years. Jaehyun had loved him for almost as long. It hurt Mark’s heart to watch them interact sometimes.
“I think it’s cute!” Donghyuck squealed, “Mark,” Melk, this pronunciation was newer but still cute, “is going to look so nice!”
Mark covered his face with his arm to hide his embarrassment as the trio talked about how Mark might finally get a partner (Like Jaehyun and Donghyuck were ones to talk).
“Who all is coming?”
“I invited almost everyone,” Johnny said nonchalantly like it was every day that you throw your best friend a huge party, “And I asked Myeonnie hyung to bring some of his friends.”
Kim Junmyeon was one of Johnny’s childhood friends, having known each other since kindergarten. His parents had sent him to a school in America when he was smaller where he had met Johnny but he moved back at the beginning of their second-grade year. The pair had kept close contact despite their distance and even planned on sharing a dorm at the university they both planned on getting into. Junmyeon seemed nice, even if Mark hadn’t met him. He went to the rich private school on the other side of town.
“Aww Mark could catch himself a rich boy!”
“Did you want to invite anyone specifically Markie?” Johnny said over Donghyuck’s rich boy comment, sitting up out of Jaehyun’s lap. His hair was slightly tousled from Jae’s touch but Johnny still looked amazing. It was completely unfair in Mark’s opinion.
“What were you talking to that Yuta kid about?” Jaehyun mused, carefully leaning on Johnny’s shoulder, making himself comfortable before Johnny could move away from him.
At the mention of Yuta, Donghyuck sat up with a gasp, “You talked to him?” He looked awed and horrified at the same time, “And he didn’t punch you? When did yo-”
“You were busy giving Moon Taeil hyung googoo eyes, Hyuckie.” Johnny interrupted what most likely would have been a rant about Yuta being terrifying, “Besides, Mark can talk to who he wants. If he gets hurt? Jae and I will take care of them.” An easy smile crossed his face as he said that, but Mark knew he was serious. Deadly serious.
Donghyuck’s cheeks turned red as he denied the accusations, even if they all knew they were true.
“I was… I asked him to come.” Mark said quietly, not meeting their eyes, “He’s always alone and he seems nice-”
“HE SEEMS NICE?!”
“Donghyuck. Be quiet.” Jaehyun’s stern tone made Donghyuck cover his mouth, the youngest looked terrified at Mark’s proposition that Nakamoto Yuta was a nice guy.
Honestly, it was a little shocking to Mark too. After hearing all of the things Donghyuck told him, most of them were probably baseless rumors but still, it should have been enough to steer Mark clear of the Japanese boy. From getting a senior pregnant last year to literal murder, Yuta had apparently done it all; Mark was intrigued, to say the least. He had grown up in a conservative Christian household as the son of a preacher, and while he didn’t believe all of the things his parents did about sins and stuff like that, there was still something about Yuta’s mysterious past and dark aesthetic that drew Mark’s thoughts to him. Yuta was himself. Yuta was terrifying to Mark but that made him so, so intriguing. Like a horror movie, he couldn’t stop himself from watching, even as he looked through his fingers.
Yuta probably loved horror movies...
“Did he say that he would come?”
Mark thought about how to answer Johnny’s question. He wasn’t really sure how to tell his best friends that the boy who he was secretly low-key crushing on had laughed in his face when Mark invited him. Mark had approached Yuta during their lunchtime when Mark was usually laughing along with one of Johnny’s jokes and pushing Donghyuck off of his lap every time the smaller man tried to cling to him. He had seen Yuta sitting alone in the far corner of the lunchroom before, always reading a book or drawing in his beaten-up sketchbook. Today Yuta had opted for reading, terrifying black-bound book with stunning red pages. Mark had squinted at the cover before realizing that it was in Japanese and he couldn’t read it.
“You want me to come to your party?” Yuta had said, his baritone voice making Mark’s knees feel weak. How was this the first time he heard Yuta speak? And it was directly to him? Mark had spent the past ten minutes doing breathing exercises to make sure he wouldn’t pass out as soon as Yuta looked at him, but his voice was almost enough to take him out. This crush stuff was unnecessarily difficult.
“The Mark Lee wants me at his party?” There was a teasing tone to his voice but the laugh after is what made Mark flinch.
Yuta laughed at him.
The one person he expected to not laugh in his face, did exactly that.
“If… if you wan.. If you wanted to, h-hyung.” Mark forced a smile, taking a deep breath before excusing himself and near sprinting across the lunchroom to the safe space he had carved at Jaehyun’s side.
“He didn’t.” Mark said at last, making Donghyuck let out a massive sigh of relief, “He probably won’t come.”