Work Text:
The air was cold on his bare arms, the thin navy t-shirt he was wearing not doing much to warm him. It didn’t help that this was also one of the darker and sketchier areas of London – which didn’t actually bother him, considering where he grew up: he was just thankful that he had decided to change out of his Kingsman suit before coming here, thinking that David wouldn’t want him showing up in such fancy attire - and that Eggsy had been banging on the door for the past 15 minutes to no avail. He was certain that this was David’s flat, he’d triple checked the address from a message that the man himself had sent a few weeks ago when he’d asked Eggsy to come over to spend the night in. It had been wonderful, and Eggsy had loved it, but now the chill that he was feeling was no longer only to do with the atmosphere.
“David? Open the door, it’s Eggsy. You haven’t returned my calls, and I heard about- never mind, just let me in, yeah?” He called, resting his forehead against the door and exhaling, his breath coming out in white puffs around him, swirling and mocking him. He spoke out again trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach and the fear that was slowly coursing through his bloodstream. “David?”
An optimistic part of Eggsy’s brain wanted to believe that he had just fallen asleep, maybe slept in - he knew how tough these last few weeks since October 1st had been on him, maybe he was finally catching up on some sleep or something – but he knew better. David had never slept in past seven, not even when he had stayed up until the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep and shaking noticeably as he called Eggsy and talked to him instead. So, if not sleeping, then what else? He would be able to hear him calling out, unless he was in the shower, but there was no sound of water running. The walls weren’t even that thick either – something that David had complained about to him for quite a long time, saying that it was ‘a nightmare living in this part of London with so many students’ - so there was no reason that he shouldn’t be able to hear him. The thought made Eggsy panic even more.
“David, open the fuckin’ door, please. I’m here for you.”
The door creaked, and in an instant Eggsy had shot back from it, standing straight and tall. A sliver of light shone into the darkness covered by the door, and Eggsy desperately scanned for anything that could’ve been the reason why David hadn’t heard him. The blinds were pulled closed on the far window, the one that they loved to stand in front of, pressed close together, and look out at the busy roads and people and laugh at how frantic it all seemed. Now, all he could look out at was strips of grey, alternating with a blinding white light that Eggsy thought couldn’t possibly have come from the sun on such a cold day.
The door finally pushed all the way open to reveal a disheveled-looking David Budd, wearing black jeans which wasn’t unusual for the guy, and a dark forest green hoodie that Eggsy had never seen before. He audibly gasped as he saw what stained the left shoulder of the hoodie, something that he was well acquainted with as an agent. It was coloured slightly darker than the rest of the fabric, looking fresh and sticky. It could only have been one thing, but Eggsy looked up at his face, wanting confirmation and hoping that he was wrong, his eyes welling up with tears.
“David, what have you done?” He whispered, eyes wide.
David only looked at him blankly before walking away from the door and going to sit down on the sofa, posture radiating stress and tension. Eggsy furrowed his brows, but followed him nonetheless.
He didn’t head straight over to the broken man, instead subtly glancing around the room for anything that he could’ve used to hurt himself with and stopping in his tracks when he saw the gun lay on the carpet, next to the small dark patch on the carpet - more blood, he assumed. He gently nudged the pistol away into the kitchen with his foot, out of reach for now. Taking a deep breath, he crouched in front of him and took David’s right hand into both of his own, curling the unresponsive fingers gently around his cold ones.
“You don’t need to say anything, just squeeze my hand if you want me to, yeah? Will you let me see your head so I can patch it up?” He spoke softly to not scare him, practically whispering in the blaring emptiness and quiet of the flat. A gentle tug on his hands told him that it was ok, and so he smiled at him.
Eggsy let go of the hand, placing it gently in its owner’s lap, and stood, knees clicking as he did so. He needed a med kit – where would he keep a med kit? He kept one in his bedside table so that he – or sometimes it was David now - could patch himself up after missions somewhere comfortable, but he doubted that the other man would have the same thought process as him. The kitchen is always a good place to start, he thought to himself as he stepped onto the cold tiled floor in his socks, shoes abandoned hastily just inside the door underneath the coat rack. He pulled open every cabinet door that he could see, but it was just filled with bowls, cups, plates, pans, cereal, pasta – anything but a med kit. He groaned frustratedly as he opened the last door, the one that led to the underneath of the sink, and the groan turned to a sound of happiness as he saw the green cross.
Grabbing it quickly, he practically sprinted back to David, only slowing his approach as he noticed that the man was still lost in thought, staring off into space. He stood back for a moment, putting the box down on the floor and taking out some antiseptic and a fairly thick looking bandage that he could use instead of a tea towel, or a cloth or something, because he knew how much of a pain it was to try and get blood out of a cloth from previous injuries. Tipping enough liquid onto the fabric to let it soak through, he took a small step towards the man on the sofa and cleared his throat quietly.
“David? I’m back, I’m gonna clean your head now, yeah? That ok?” When he got a small nod in response, he sat down to the left of him on the sofa and leaned in to look closer.
David was still sat unnaturally still, but Eggsy needed to concentrate on not hurting him as he looked at the wound. He winced as he noticed the brass fragments from a bullet case dug into the flesh, realising that he would have to pull those out without any sort of pain relief for David. Deciding that he probably hadn’t sustained any damage to his brain, he started his cleaning, bringing the fabric up to his bloody head and wiping and dabbing gently at the mess. As stoic as David was trying to be, Eggsy noticed him flinching out of the corner of his eye every time the cloth caught one of the pieces of metal, and would murmur a quiet, ‘sorry love, it’s ok’, under his breath.
He stayed there for an hour, only once moving to collect a pair of tweezers from the box, cleaning and prodding the sticky mess of skin, hair, blood and bullet until it was looking better – although it would be bruised and uneven for a while until it healed. He didn’t attempt to draw David into conversation during that time, thinking that it might be better to let him gather his thoughts, and he had to concentrate on his job anyway.
Leaning back as if to admire his work, he checked one last time that he had gotten all the metal bits out so that the wound wouldn’t become infected.
“All done.” He stated, biting his lip and raising his eyebrows in hope that David would respond. There was silence, and Eggsy turned away, deciding that it was probably better to leave him to talk when he was ready rather than to pry answers and such out of him now.
A hand shot out and grabbed his wrist before he was able to leave.
“No! Stay- stay here.” His voice sounded panicked, words short and sharp. “Please.” Reaching out again with his other hand, he grabbed Eggsy’s forearm, pulling him back down onto the sofa and closer to him so that their legs were touching. He then dropped the arm as if it were on fire, retracting his hands back into his own lap and immediately looking down. Eggsy knew how much David hated people pitying him, and hence he didn’t. He just wished with all his heart that he could take away all the pain, and the misery, and the loneliness that he was feeling. David was the kindest, most emotional person he had ever met, and he knew that he felt things deeply with his whole self. It was indescribable to be loved by such a person, but when they began to turn on themselves it was a pain beyond belief to watch them suffer. Eggsy knew that better than anyone.
So, wordlessly, he pulled David into his arms, letting his forehead rest against his shoulder. He let him slide into his lap, holding the pieces of him tight together until he was ready to rebuild himself.
“Can’t even kill myself right.” David muttered hoarsely, and Eggsy felt the tears that he had been trying so hard to hold back slip out. He squeezed him even tighter for a moment, holding on as if he would never, could never let go, before inhaling deeply and leaning back away, just enough to see David’s face.
“You aren’t a failure. The thing with- Merlin told me; I know about- about what happened to her.” Eggsy said as he watched the horror dawn on David’s face, eyes growing wide, but even so, Eggsy couldn’t stop now, he needed to press on. “But there was nothing you could’ve done, and you need to stop thinking like this. The ‘what ifs’ will eat you up, trust me I know. And David, there’s people who love you- me included. Your kids need you; Vick needs you. I need you.” Eggsy paused, taking a deep breath and steadying himself. “I love you David Budd, and you’ll always matter to me. I was terrified when you wouldn’t pick up or answer any of my texts, then I stood outside and I banged on your door for twenty minutes, I- I was scared that something really bad had happened to you.” He dropped his voice to a whisper for the last sentence, feeling some semblance of the panic he felt earlier trying to set in.
David was crying in earnest now, tears falling down his face at a steady pace as he tried his best to control his shaking shoulders. Eggsy was falling apart too, gentle tears slipping down his cheeks as he shut his eyes and drew his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down hard.
“I’m sorry. God, Eggsy I’m so sorry, I-“ He was cut off by Eggsy pulling him back against his chest, stroking his hair softly and doing his best to avoid the injury. Eggsy smiled tiredly, a smile that nobody saw.
“I know David, I know.”