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quackity stared at the mirror and wondered where he went wrong for his life to go this downhill. he was wearing a rather nice wedding dress with the longest train money could buy and a veil that wasn’t really doing much to cover up his face.
purpled played a game on his dumb little other-worldly device, not at all paying attention to quackity. slime dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief, as he had seen people do in the moving pictures. fundy was drinking from a flask and foolish was attempting to get him to stop.
sam stood next to him, looking tired, but still managing to cry. “i can’t believe you’re getting married.” he said, giving his son a wobbly grin through the mirror (his gas mask was off for this special occasion).
quackity huffed and hiked up his dress. “let’s get this bullshit over with.” he muttered, walking out the door.
he had invited everyone on the server, even dream, who was sitting in the front row, chained to the chair, wiping his tears with a gross-ass tissue. surprisingly, everyone came, including his ex-fiancés, who looked worried to say the least.
wilbur 2 electric boogaloo stood at the front, wearing a priest’s outfit and smoking a cigarette. quackity saw michael at the back of the service area (yeah the wedding was outside, got a problem with it?), holding the flower-kid basket. shroud stood next to him with a little box that had the rings in it.
purpled, tubbo, slime, fundy, and foolish all stood up by wilbur, as they were his groomsmen. phil, niki, ranboo, and tommy stood on the other side. quackity moved to the end of the aisle, frowning as sam linked their arms and walked down, following michael. one of foolish’s kids was playing the piano, quite well actually. kudos to you, kid.
as they reached the end, sam let go of quackity and went to sit next to dream, who was sobbing violently. he pat the prisoner’s shoulder and sent quackity a tired look.
quackity rolled his eyes and adjusted the boob part of the dress like lottie did in princess and the frog, you know that scene when she goes to dance with naveen? it’s like that. he gives his soon-to-be-husband an empty look.
this was your idea , his eyes seemed to say.
quackity glared, you agreed to it.
the other only shrugged.
wilbur cleared his throat, “we’re gathered here today to witness the marriage of alexis quackity awe hq,” he paused for dramatic effect, “and technoblade craft.”
techno huffed and held out his hands, to which quackity rolled his eyes and took them. they both looked to wilbur in horrifying synchronization as if to say let’s get on with it.
the officiator rolled his eyes, “let’s get this over with quickly, i have shit to do, yeah?” he said, pulling out a piece of paper from drista-knows-where and adjusting his glasses.
“do you, quackity, take techno to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until you are parted by death?”
“i do.”
“and do you, technoblade, take quackity to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until you are parted by death?”
“i do.”
wilbur leaned against the podium, “if anyone has any objections, speak now.” he said. karl and sapnap immediately stood, casting fearful glances to techno.
“quackity, what are you doing?” sapnap asked, clutching karl’s hand like a lifeline.
techno made that one confused meme face, “uhhhh, getting married? what does it look like?” he said.
karl looked stressed, “yeah, but, quackity…we’re literally engaged!” he exclaimed. “and that’s technoblade ! isn’t he your sworn enemy?”
quackity groaned, looking up to the sky before turning his gaze back to karl and sapnap. “why does any of this matter? i just wanted to get married and now i have to deal with this bullshit?” he rolled his eyes.
sapnap sputtered, “wha—but we—“
“yeah, yeah, shove a sock in it.”
“anyway,” wilbur said loudly, “i now pronounce you, uh, insane and masochistic.” he then dropped the paper and left.
quackity held up and hand and techno high fived it. everyone clapped, dream standing and clapping very, very loudly.
“those are my enemies!” he shouted, grinning madly. “i hate you guys!”
quackity and techno smiled, “we hate you too!” they shouted back.
shroud raced up to them, holding out the box with the rings. techno took the box from him and they watched as he ran away back to tommy. techno opened the box and took out quackity’s ring, handing his own ring to his hate-you-husband.
quackity snorted and held out his left hand, and techno slid the ring on his finger, then held out his own hand for quackity to do the same. they tapped their rings together in a fist bump.
“i hate you.”
“i hate you, too.”