Chapter Text
Carlos has always known that what he has with TK is different than he has had with anyone else. He cannot quite put his finger on it, tell exactly and accurately, what it is that makes everything between them different and better than he has ever experienced.
He just knows that it is different.
Maybe it is just the sheer amount and depth of love between them. Maybe it is the fact that they are both fully aboard and willing to work through any issues and bumps in the road that life keeps throwing at their way. Maybe it is the fact that despite being different people, they still seem to understand each other on some deeper level.
Carlos doesn’t know, but he is almost glad that he doesn’t. He likes the idea of a little bit of a mystery, the possibilities of it. Maybe it’s the sum of all of those things and more. That they just complement each other with a plenty of small things and it’s their love that keeps drawing them to each other. Maybe it is some greater power that has made them suitable and almost perfect for each other.
Carlos is still willing to bet that the fact that they work so seamlessly together and have survived together everything they have been through during the past two years is partly because they understand each other’s jobs and what it takes.
With anyone else, he might have had to explain and argue that despite both of them having day-offs at the same time, he doesn’t want to move anywhere from the couch. Carlos pulled an eighteen-hour shift yesterday and despite sleeping through the night, he still feels the exhaustion in his limbs and mind.
He knows that if TK really wanted to spend his day off doing something else than watch crappy daytime tv while cuddling and almost nodding off on the couch, he would have done it with him. He could have bitten his teeth through the exhaustion and pull through whatever, and he would have done it gladly.
Still, Carlos is grateful that he doesn’t have to do that. He is grateful that TK knows him well enough that he only needed to glance at him once in bed in morning before he asked if he wanted to spend the day at home doing nothing in particular.
He felt incredibly loved in that moment, and in all honesty, he still does.
Carlos is lying on the way too soft couch, the middle of his back is leaning against the arm rest, and it isn’t the most comfortable position to be in, but TK is sitting in between his legs and leaning against his chest while loosely holding his hand, and Carlos really can’t say he would rather be anywhere else in the world.
The tv is on, and while Carlos hasn’t paid that much attention to it, he is pretty sure it is some holiday themed rom-com. It isn’t that much different from any other rom-com that they keep showing towards the end of the year and it isn’t a cinematic masterpiece, but it seems entertaining enough and it fills their living room with pleasant background noise.
TK has kept occasionally making comments and remarks about the movie, but Carlos still hides his smile against the back of his head and hair when TK groans. It’s endearing and Carlos glances at the tv screen again to see what is frustrating him that much about the movie.
The scene is unmistakably a wedding. It isn’t that big of a surprise, almost every holiday rom-com includes a wedding of some sort, as if it would be impossible to make one of those without marriage and winter weddings. The scene is taking place in a huge cathedral, and someone has just dramatically interrupted the wedding and the bride seems to be leaving the groom on the altar.
It’s a cliché and not much of a plot twist, in Carlos’ opinion, and he is almost sure that TK’s annoyance isn’t solely rising from the movie plotline, either.
Marriage isn’t something they would have talked about that much but given everything TK has been through related to proposals and rejection, he could imagine that he has a few sore spots left, and in all honesty, as far as movie plotlines go, dumping someone at the altar is little ridiculous.
“You haven’t ever loved someone so much you’d drop everything for them?” Carlos teases, whispering it near his ear, with amusement clearly laced in his voice.
He doesn’t want to ignore TK’s sudden and slight frustration, but he isn’t sure if TK is ready for any sort of real and serious conversation about it, and it might be that he is just reading too much into between the lines and it is a possibility that in reality, TK is just really disliking the movie.
The atmosphere has been light and serene for the whole morning, full of talking about anything and everything, and making dumb jokes, so joking about it feels like the safest bet to take.
“I have, but the only person I’d be willing to drop everything for is the only person I can imagine marrying, so I’d not have this problem,” TK says, huffing and gesturing towards the tv screen.
TK falls quiet after that, and Carlos doesn’t dare to break the silence. His own mind is racing, trying to understand the implications of his words, and if there even are any implications to begin with, but at the same time he can practically hear TK think.
TK places his hand on top of Carlos’ knee and slides it down against the fabric of his grey sweatpants until he reaches his ankle and curls his fingers gently around it, brushing it slowly but constantly. “And before you get too stuck in your own head, I’m talking about you.”
He says it almost casually, lightly and softly, and it takes a moment for Carlos to even wrap his head around it.
He is convinced his heart actually skips a beat when he does realise it. “Oh.”
Carlos knows that TK wouldn’t say anything remotely close to that if it wasn’t truly how he felt and the serenity of the moment doesn’t disappear anywhere with his little confession, but suddenly everything feels a bit heavier and more real.
For a moment, Carlos is only able to stare at the grey couch cushion next to him, and apparently TK takes his stunned silence in the wrong way because he shifts a little and eventually drags himself slightly away from him and turns to look at him.
“Is it really that big of a surprise?”
It looks as if he is biting the inside of his cheek and slight concern is deepening by each passing second in his eyes, and Carlos loathes it.
“Not that you love me that much,” he points out, softly, because it is the truth, and he reaches to intertwine their fingers again, “but I didn’t know how you felt about the whole marriage thing.”
TK’ face falls a little at that, but he nods and exhales deeply. The movie is still playing, and cheerful Christmas music is quietly filling their living room as well, but they only stare at each other. Their fingers are interlocked and resting on top of the couch cushions, and Carlos slips his thumb inside the sleeve of TK’s dark blue hoodie.
He can faintly feel his pulse through his wrist and placing his fingers inside the sleeve and on his wrist is something he has done occasionally when he tries to comfort him. It’s a small move, and tiny touch, but there is something intimate about it, and TK usually seems to like it.
Even now, his expression grows gradually softer.
“To be honest, I wasn’t sure either – after everything,” he admits quietly, with a tiny shrug and gentle squeeze of a hand, “but the idea of that with you, someday, doesn’t feel that terrible.”
It feels as if his heart might burst at any given moment purely out of the love that he feels for him, and it never ceases to surprise him how much love his heart is able to harbor and how he falls in love a little bit more by each passing day.
Carlos knows he could tell him that. At least try to put that feeling and realisation into words. He knows TK is once again baring one part of his heart to him, and while the way he talks about painful and unpleasant things seems deliberate and as if he has considered his every word, and he knows that is far from effortless, no matter how much trust they have between them.
It’s challenging and maybe in return, he should bare something of himself, explain just how much hearing him say those words mean to him, but he can sense some reluctancy from TK. That he is holding back a little bit, trying to avoid going truly deep into his feelings about marriage and his explanation is a little vague, and Carlos gets it.
It’s a big thing to talk about, even though they are on the same page when it comes to love and commitment, and it isn’t really something that could be covered in one quick conversation on a Tuesday morning, but it still feels like a start of something, nevertheless.
He appreciates that TK was willing to talk about it, instead of completely deflecting and avoiding the topic, and he knows that he would continue talking about it, if he steered the conversation into that direction but he doesn’t want to drag him into the deep end, especially when everything is fine, and he is perfectly content with the way things are and even this little discussion.
“I’m flattered,” he quips instead, to diffuse the tension that is slowly creeping up around the room, because as much as he knows what TK truly meant with his words, ‘that terrible’ isn’t really the way one should describe a potential marriage.
TK sputters out a surprised laughter before rolling his eyes slightly but there is fondness in the way he looks at their joined hands. “You should be.”
They are not sitting that far away from each other, TK’s knee is wedged against his thigh, and he doesn’t have to reach to hold his hand. It doesn’t take much effort from Carlos to lift up their joined hands and press a soft kiss on TK’s palm.
“And if the idea of marriage never feels more than not that terrible,” he murmurs, still against his skin, “that’s okay, too.”
He obviously wants to offer him reassurances about it, but it is also the truth. He would never want to even slightly pressure him into doing something that doesn’t feel completely right to him, and marriage would never be a make-it-or-break-it issue for him, and he doesn’t want it to be something that they do just because they should.
“I know,” TK replies, easily and effortlessly, and it warms his heart to hear it because he sounds as if he believes it completely, “how do you feel about it?”
“I—think it’s something I’ve always thought to be down in the line once finding the right person.”
Carlos guesses that everyone has ideas, hopes even, of what their lives will end up being in the end. He knows he has had plenty of expectations growing up what his life as an adult would be like, and some of those expectations have been fulfilled and some of them have turned out to be completely opposite of reality and even what he actually wants.
But getting married is something that has always lingered in the background, something that hopefully and eventually happens, and sometimes he has wondered if it is just because it is something that should happen or because he wants it to happen.
He knows the answer to that now.
“Me too,” TK replies quietly, some sort of frown lingering on his face just for a second, but it is replaced by a smaller but warmer and affectionate smile quickly.
“I’m pretty sure I’ve that first part covered already,” he admits, because it is something he has known for a while, and TK deserves to hear it, too, that they are still on the same page, and it’s not something he should consider for a while before saying it.
And most of all, saying it feels right, and it is truthful in all ways he can think of.
And just the soft and enamoured expression on TK’s face, the way his mouth curls into a half-smile is captivating and his eyes glimmer just a bit more brightly before he reaches to kiss him, and Carlos’ heart still somersaults.
It’s a soft and brief kiss, but every brush and touch of their lips together is exuding love and adoration, and they are taking it slow. It’s almost drowsy and they keep smiling against each other’s lips and TK is loosely cupping his face, but eventually he just softly drags his fingertips along his cheek as they pull apart.
“It’s a big thing,” Carlos muses, softly, as they just breathe, and he holds his gaze.
“It is,” he agrees, matching him in his tone, and he doesn’t look away from him. Instead, he almost studies him with his gaze, as if searching for something, quietly for a moment before he pokes him gently in his thigh with his thumb, “maybe in a good way, especially with you.”
Maybe his heart is soaring, and it feels surprisingly good to know that is where his mind lies, because it opens up possibilities and there is nothing more beautiful than possibilities. Possibility doesn’t require obligations and it is comforting to know that anything could happen.
“It’d be my honour to marry you someday.”
TK just grins at him, and he is unable to look away from him, but from the corner of his eye, he can see that on the tv screen the end credits of the movie are already scrolling, and he cannot say that he would mind that much. Everything that is hanging between them on that small couch feels indefinitely more important than the movie.
“Someday,” he echoes, quietly, but with all the intention in the world.