Work Text:
1.
Look, okay, it's like this: Carrie knows she can be mean. She knows she's a bitch sometimes. But she thinks it's perfectly reasonable to schedule full-day rehearsals for the whole of the February mid-semester break. They have the week off from school, why not rehearse? They need it, anyway, especially with Julie's new band taking over at every turn, and her dad being so distant lately, maybe if they do really well at their next performance, everyone will start being excited about Dirty Candi again. Including Trevor. It’s not like school exams are more important than music.
Apparently, the girls disagree. Kayla wants to cut back the rehearsals.
“Kay, honey,” says Carrie, convinced that she just doesn’t understand. “Can’t you see we need to spend this time working on the routine? There’s competition now, and we’ve not properly stepped up our game!”
Kayla sighs. “Carrie, I know you're as worried about exams and school as the rest of us, and I want to procrastinate with dance as much as you do, I promise, but this isn't a good way to do things! We all need to rest, and to revise. I'm sorry.”
“But, Kayla—
“This isn't really about Julie, again, is it?” Kayla looks pensive. Disappointed.
“No,” Carrie scoffs, “Of course not. I mean. Everyone loves her and her band, and we should be in her league but no one sees it, so, I just thought— maybe you're right. The girls can have a break. Go revise.” It was stupid to think Kayla would get it.
“I'm so sorry, Carrie. We can still rehearse for an hour or so a day! Or else I'd miss you too much.”
Carrie softens a little, and Kayla starts to grin. “I'd miss you too, hun.” They hug.
“Well.” Kayla says, pulling away, “I've gotta get going. You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah, Kay. See you in rehearsals, I'll text, love you too.” But she thinks, I just wish sometimes you'd listen. I wish I was better at saying what I mean.
2.
Nick was over a lot during the Easter break; although they'd broken up last year, they were still best friends. It got her thinking, hanging out with him so much, about last year when they’d broken up. She can admit that she'd been a little/a lot jealous because he went straight from dating her to flirting with Julie, and it was at the exact same time as everyone else did the same thing, and, to be honest it still made her upset. It feels awkward to bring it up, but Carrie doesn't like unresolved problems. Plus, when has Carrie Wilson ever shied away from something awkward? Never, that's when.
“Hey, Nick,” she says, “I just wanted to ask, like, um. Did you like Julie when we were still dating? Because you went straight from dating me to flirting with her.”
Nick freezes. “I mean, a little? I didn't really, uh, realize. For a while.”
“Oh. Okay!” Carrie turns away to try and figure out how she feels about that.
“Carrie, no, look, okay, we broke up, like in the same week as I started to realize I might have feelings for Julie. It was a weird week.” He tries to smile.
“That's fine!” she says, high pitched. “Thank you for telling me!” She fiddles with her hair, ducking her head.
“Carrie,” Nick says. “You know how much you meant to me, right? How much you still mean to me.”
Carrie looks back up at him, catching his eye. She relaxes a little. “Yeah.” She still doesn't know how she feels about this.
Nick smiles properly. “Good.”
3.
A while ago, Julie’s mom passed away. Back then, Carrie, Julie, and Flynn had been the best of friends. Justifiably, Julie wasn’t dealing with her grief particularly well, and Carrie was trying her best to help, but, well, the situation was reigniting her own mother-related problems. Her own mother had left Trevor a good few years beforehand.
Her and Julie had started to drift apart; in Julie’s words,
“You have to make every issue about you, Care.” This was a fight they had had before.
“I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that I understand! I want to help! I’m sorry, Julie.”
“I’m sorry too. I don’t think we should be friends right now.”
“What? Why? We’ve been friends for—
“I don’t think I can deal with you on top of my own stuff right now, Carrie! I can’t get myself to play, I can’t think straight, I don’t know.”
“Deal with me? What’s that supposed to mean? Well. Not everything has to be about music, Julie. I thought friends were worth more to you than that.”
“Of course you’re worth more to me than music! It’s just that I want to figure things out again. I’ll call you, I promise.”
So Carrie left, anxious about her best friend, wondering if maybe she should prioritise music more. Julie never called. And things only went downhill from there.
4.
It had been a long summer, and a hot one too. Carrie had been pushing the girls to rehearse (when they felt like it), but they all spent a lot of time collapsing in the sun, drinking as much water as possible, and taking advantage of her dad's pool. Carrie had… reassessed her position a little, regarding Julie's new band and the attention they were getting. She had decided that it didn't really matter as much as she personally took it; Dirty Candi would work for themselves, and not to beat someone else.
So when the members of Julie and her little "hologram band" that she didn't know (the Phantoms themselves, if you will) joined Los Feliz High School at the beginning of the new school year, Carrie took it in stride, and just avoided them as she had taken to avoiding Julie and Flynn.
This proved difficult. Despite the fact that they were in the year above, they were at almost every music and sports event, taking part in school spirit, and most recently, on top of this: Alex. He was one of the members of Julie's band, and he wanted to join Carrie's dance club.
Carrie and Alex had slowly become friends, recently. He seemed to understand the anxiety she felt about her performances, and was being way too nice about it. It made her feel, like, a little insecure. Not that she would ever say that out loud. So she kept lashing out; maybe if she pushed him away, he'd stop being so stupidly genuine. It did not work. Alex joined her club anyway.
It was kind of nice, having such a genuine friend. Even if he was sorta on the opposite team.
5.
In November, the students of Los Feliz had to do a whole bunch of exams. It sucked. It especially sucked when you cared less about grades and more about music, and hadn't really been staying on top of the revision you were supposed to be doing.
Exams plus lack of revision equals bad grades, equals disappointed dad. Disappointed dad who has been spectacularly distant over the last few months, for no apparent clear reason. As Carrie points out to him, in their recent fight.
“Daddy, it's like you care more about music and work and the fact that mom's gone than you care about me! It's like you care about all the things you don't have rather than the things you do!”
Trevor softens. He apologises. He reassures her that he's still here for her. She doesn't know how she feels.
Carrie does feel bad about what she said, after a few days. She knows her dad is trying his best. And Carrie Wilson doesn't shy away from awkward situations, so she apologises too, and they make up. Properly. They hug and everything. It's still a learning curve, though.
+1.
In December, she throws a Christmas Party. She invites Kayla and the girls, obviously. Her dad says they can have it at their house, and runs around putting up decorations with her all morning.
Carrie invites Alex too, because she likes him (again, never admitting it out loud) and she's inviting the rest of the dance club, anyway. She tells him to invite Julie and Flynn, and the rest of the band. She knew she couldn't avoid them forever, so, when Flynn and Julie started being nicer to her, like, in the corridors and around, she stopped being actively antagonistic. She smiles at them sometimes and everything.
They set up a photo wall in the corner, and get photos taken, and she hadn't seen them in the queue behind her and the girls, but suddenly Carrie is surrounded by Dirty Candi and Julie and the Phantoms, and Trevor is there too. Suddenly everything starts to make sense. This time, she does know how she feels. This time, Carrie Wilson knows she's happy; that she loves the people around her. And that they love her, too, in their own ways, despite the mistakes and the fights. It's a good Christmas.