Chapter Text
‘I just don’t understand.’ Wei Wuxian paces nervously through the cave. He holds Chenqing in a hard grip, knuckles white. ‘It’s not even winter yet! Why?...’
‘It’s not a surprise, honestly.’ Wen Qing enters the cave. She pauses at the entrance, arms crossed. ‘We have barely enough food to survive. When people don’t get enough vitamins, well, their systems are weak and prone to illnesses. It will be only getting worse.’ Her eyes are sharp, lips drawn. ‘I got you warmer clothes. Change immediately.'
‘...Maybe I could share...’
‘No, you cannot share it with anybody else. They know not to take anything from you.’ The woman throws a small bundle on his bed. Robes, in dull, brown and grey colours. He looks at it like it is going to bite him. ‘You wear those. That’s the end of the topic.’
Low on nutrition... They are all low on nutrition. Their food is barely enough to keep them alive. They've already tried a few different types of the vegetables, but most of the plants resisted growing on the burial ground. Resentment killed it, changed it.
He taps his head with his flute.
‘There must be some way,’ he says, shivering slightly, turning back to resume his walking.
‘Wei Wuxian. Clothes.’
He feels the gaze of Wen Qing on his back. He sighs. Exhales.
The idea of wearing clothes when they are so low on them, when others still feel cold, even more than him, without the shelter of the cave, doesn’t sit well with him. He gets lost in his head and barely registeres a sigh.
‘I need to state it, don’t I? Ok. I am going to do it.’
He jumps, barely stopping himself from treating the simple movement as an attack. Wen Qing touches his shoulder, and then picks up the new robe for him, so that he can slip his arms into sleeves.
‘Wei Wuxian,’ she says firmly, but with this tender edge in her voice. ‘You are one of us now. You can get ill. And when you get ill, we are dead.’
Wei Wuxian shudders, allowing Wen Qing to help him put the new robe on top of his current clothing. He suddenly feels... Numb. Detached.
Small.
‘Dead...’
‘You are holding out the resentful energy, don’t you?’ It wasn’t a question, not a real one. They both know the answer. She sees his state and wants to ground him in reality. ‘You are hurting all the time. You are cold. You barely eat. I am surprised, to be honest, that you are not ill yet. But you can get ill. Do you think you can still protect us while feverish?’
Wei Wuxian’s throat seems impossibly tight. Does she know? Does she know that he fixes his body with resentful energy when nobody's looking, that his body is fragile and his mind...
‘I don’t know,’ he whispers. The whole cave is spinning all of the sudden. Normally he would smile and pretend he doesn’t feel weak and terrified, but he knows he can be honest with Wen Qing.
And, what is more, he is not stupid. He knows she’s right.
After a few seconds of silence the woman is in front of him, cupping his head – he leans into the touch, closes his eyes, for a moment happy that there is someone who understands and protects him from himself, another sister he loves...
‘Sit,’ she says quietly. ‘I know you didn’t sleep again. But you need to, Wei Wuxian. I am saying it as your doctor and your friend.’
The way. He needs to find a way. There is one, there must be – and as he lays on his bed, looking at the ceiling of the cave, drowsy after Wen Qing’s potion, he murmurs half-heartedly...
‘We are not going to survive the winter,’ he whispers. ‘We are not going to survive it. Me. You. Two or three more people. But all of the rest, they will be dead. A-Yuan.’
He grabs Wen Qing’s hand before she manages to step away.
‘I think, senior sister,’ he whispers, slowly closing his eyes ‘that I may have something.’
I found the way...
***
Morning is quite beautiful, as much as anything can be beautiful in the Burial Mounds. Yet, there is a change. Something in the air, maybe. Or in the dark mass of energy crushing sometimes over their wards, flying up their heads. Wen Qing rises her basket and turns to the first of the makeshift houses built just next to the cave.
Firstly, A-Yuan. Then, tending to the ill. Then, helping with breakfast – or rather first of the two meals they were going to eat.
She steps into the familiar routine with a sense of relief. The truth is...
Wei Wuxian scared her yesterday.
When she’d entered the cave, he seemed determined. But her words... She didn’t want to scare him. She wanted only to warn him and she told him the truth.
And yet. He seemed so hollow after it. He had this look on his face from time to time – she learned to recognize it and counter it. Despite his own words, Wei Wuxian’s mind was as fragile as his body.
He hid, but she saw it all. She saw his anger, the moments he lost himself in his ideas and inventions, escaping reality. She saw him breaking down and battling the resentment on his own, again and again. She saw him longing. She saw him desperate.
She looks at Wen Ning working on their small field. She saw Wei Wuxian performing miracles.
She saw him doing it all, giving himself freely, aware that he may be doing this at the cost of himself. Sometimes she asks herself; is there something more to be given? Is there anything left?
She sometimes wants to be angry at him. She wants – but she can’t. Clear conscience. She heard him whispering those words to himself, like a mantra, something to stay in the moment.
Clear conscience.
She learned to think of him as of another brother. At the beginning the relations between members of her clan and Wei Wuxian were strained, weird and unnatural, but he blended with them quickly. Or they blended with him? Wen Qing vaguely thinks about the clothes they all wear, grey and red.
Wei Wuxian comes out of his cave after they prepared the breakfast, still visibly tired, with hollow cheeks, but his eyes sparkle mischievously. He gives A-Yuan a new toy, a quite neatly crafted figure made out of dark wood. A bunny, of course. When he managed that, she has no idea.
He stretches theatrically, says hi to them and winks to her. She sees him raising his hands, pulling a few talismans from behind his neatly tied, warm robes, and throwing them to the sky.
She knows those. Talismans to make the air more breathable, to cleanse the night resentment that managed to slip through. He still didn’t manage to come up with something that could cleanse it permanently.
But as she watches, the paper ignites and disappears with a strange sound and a colourful blast of sparkles. They all wince, automatically, but after a second...
‘Great! That was great! Can you do it again? Again? Please?’
Wei Wuxian laughs and takes A-Yuan into his arms. The kid clings to him for dear life.
Wen Qing looks at Wei Wuxan and feels the emotions tightening in her chest. She loves this stupid, self-sacrificing menace that she in her heart started to call her brother.
And that’s why she is so terribly afraid of his plan.
***
‘Okay, so hear me out.’
It is bad, then. It’s always bad when he starts like that. At least, he seems more alive now, sitting in front of her and basically vibrating with his chaotic energy.
‘I’m listening.’
‘We will not survive throughout the winter.’ Wei Wuxian cautiously takes some half-finished talismans from the table and places them on the ground. Then, he takes some of his little items and pulls them together. She vaguely understands that some kind of stone, a few small pieces of bamboo, pieces of paper and Chenqing apparently symbolise them. ‘We cannot rely on anybody else. Clans are slowly but steadily turning against me, rumours are getting worse and worse. I won’t risk Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan. But I won’t risk you as well. So... We need to take you all away from here. Somewhere safe. Away from me.’
She frowns. She doesn’t like it in the slightest.
‘From you,’ she repeats, holding her hands together.
‘YES! Yes.’ Wei Wuxian grabs random charcoal ember laying for some reason on his small desk and starts to draw vigorously over one of his faulty talismans. Seeing him like that, one could think Wei Wuxian really was mad. But she knows he isn’t. He is, simply, a genius at work. ‘If you are not associated with me anymore, you can be free.’
She is cautious this time.
‘Wei Wuxian,’ she says. ‘It is not you that is the problem. It is our Clan’s name. Breaking our ties to you... it won’t change much.’
‘Yes, but actually no,’ he answers and she wonders briefly what it could possibly mean. He raises a finger stained black. ‘I invented a talisman... A good one this time, I swear, although I have not tested it much... That could possibly take two people on a really long trip. A really, really long trip.’
Wen Qing frowns again. He better doesn’t mean death.
‘Teleportation talisman?’ she tries.
‘Yes! But actually better.’ Now he looks smug, very confident, like his younger, cockier self. ‘Firstly, it can take not only one, but two people. Secondly, its range is so vast it’s crazy. Thirdly, it is powered by resentful energy.’
That’s interesting. Wen Qing hides her trembling hand into her sleeves.
‘So,’ she manages. ‘You want to send us onto the moon?’
He laughs, briefly, viciously, then leans closer.
‘No,’ he says playfully. ‘I can, completely unnoticed, scatter you all around the world. No one will be able to track you. If you change your appearance, you will blend into the background easily. I can make you disappear.’
***
The idea came to him while he was watching the play one of the uncles created for A-Yuan. Playing with shadows and lights, using small figures made from straw, pieces of bamboo and clothing. The child was absolutely delighted.
Wei Wuxian’s mind was frantic. He ran to his cave and wrote. Wrote and wrote and drew and drew and worked till the moment he could use the talisman to teleport himself to the other half of Burial Mounds. The sheer power of his creation made him scream in delight...
... Well, till one of the monsters hadn’t decided to start chewing on his leg.
But his leg is (more or less... probably less) healed this day, when he is sitting in front of Wen Qing, satisfied. He expects her to be at least interested, but instead, she looks more sad.
‘Mhm,’ she murmurs, looking at his trinkets.
‘Hm? That’s all?’ he tries not to sound too hurt. ‘I planned it all, Wen Qing! Of course, it won’t be easy, and not so safe after all, you will need to change the appearance, and...’
‘I just...’ Wen Qing’s shoulders slumps a bit. ‘You are talking about separating us. You understand it, right?...’
She is delicate, this time. He understands, of course. He tries to be open and happy, but he knows.
His idea means leaving them all. Losing them all. Them losing his protection. Separating the family, leaving scared people craving comfort all over the world, only remains of the once great Wens, hunted for the rest of their lives. Not seeing them ever again.
Not seeing them ever again.
He lies on his elbows, suddenly serious again.
‘I just look around, Wen Qing,’ he whispers. His body hurts. He feels weak as always. He doesn’t mention it. ‘We have little food. Little shelter. Few people ill. A child. A child, Wen Qing. And there, somewhere there,’ he points at the wall ‘there are people who tolerate me just because I did nothing. But one slip, one mistake and they will be there. And you won’t escape. But right now, you can. I will help you. Provide for you as I can. Maintain appearances.’ He becomes a little frantic. ‘I will do all, please, I will do whatever it takes...’
‘Wei Wuxian!’
She needs to understand. She needs to get how difficult, how needed it is; he doesn’t want to be more direct. Doesn’t want to explain that there are bad things happening to him and that they are too vulnerable. She knows, to some extent.
He doesn’t want to state it more directly. He doesn’t want to say it in fear it all becomes more real.
So he goes quiet, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
***
She looks at his face, surprised by the tears on her own face. She stands and looks down at him – she sees clearly emotions on his face, fear, hope and pleading expression. She sees the strain of his muscles just to maintain his body upright. He is still too thin and although he trains from time to time, she sees he’s hurting. She doesn’t know if it’s a real, or a phantom pain this time.
She knows he would not appreciate the examination right now.
‘I will bring you something for the pain.’ Her voice is not trembling. Not at all. ‘Play with A-Yuan. The child loves you.’ We all love you. ‘I’ll talk with the rest of the Clan. We will tell you when we reach an agreement as to your... plan.’
She turns and hears Wei Wuxian gasping at the word. The Clan. They have never referred to themselves in this way. But although she hates the plan, although she feels it is awful, terrible, she cannot deny that it is logical. Maybe they won’t have that much time to call themselves as they liked, so she might as well...
She pauses and turns around at the entrance to the cave.
Wei Wuxian, composed and with his eyes closed, looks... Different. He sits on the floor at the centre of the cave, with his small, low table made of dark wood, talismans and different things scattered all around him. The smell inside is very peculiar, smell of the wood burning from the little torch on the wall, the wet stone, always a bit humid, the scent of paper and a bit of metallic blood. The scent that stuck to Wei Wuxian even when he went out of the cave.
Shadows dance dangerously on his young face. She suddenly, painfully realises he is so, so young. He went through so, so much pain. And he is, at the same time, a little unstable, loveable, terrifying demonic cultivation with a frighteningly bright mind. He could probably destroy half of the cultivation world, if he just wanted. He knows it. They know it.
She knows, too, that they would have him back. Whether he would behave, well, that is a totally different story. The Stygian Tiger Amulet... He would not hand it. If he wanted to destroy it, he would need to pay the price. His current cultivation always came with a price, after all.
She watches him and sighs, a quiet sigh of helplessness.
‘Tell me, Wei Wuxian,’ she carefully asks. ‘When we are gone, what are you going to do?’
He stays silent for a moment. Tilts his head back.
‘I don’t know, Wen Qing,’ he says and she feels hopeful at his gentle tone. ‘The world is vast. There must be a place, where... After I destroy...’
There is a familiar longing in his voice.
‘There is, somewhere, a breath-taking man in beautiful blue and white clothes,’ he continues. ‘The man I cannot approach. But the man I would like to hear gossip about. And that would be just enough. That would be enough.’
She suddenly feels like she touched a very personal topic. She retreats, trying to believe he didn’t lie directly to her face.
Wei Wuxian is, after all, a very skilled liar.
***
She tells Wei Wuxian’s plan to them the same evening.
They are sitting in front of the cave, together, listening to her, after A-Yuan was sent to bed. They know how to listen patiently and silently. There is a support in the air, the unspoken intimacy they've managed to form during these tough months. They are his family, even if sometimes not in blood. Not all Wens in front of her are, after all, related to her.
The suggestion hangs heavily in the air. To seperate them, to scatter around the world. To leave one another. To leave under the threat of being exposed and killed.
But the opposite is not, really, much better.
‘Will we be able to provide for ourselves?’ Someone voices the true concern. ‘We are old, Wen Qing. Not all of us are able to easily find jobs and live on. I...’
He stops. Wen Qing understands. She closes her eyes.
‘I think,’ she says finally, ‘that it depends on you, honestly. There are many refugees and old people on the roads because of the war. If you want to try, you should. If not, we will not kick you out. Just... Think about it. I will do it, too. Let’s have a few days to think about it.’
‘We? What about you, sister?’
She looks at Wen Ning and smiles. Then, she caresses his cheek.
‘I am far too recognizable,’ she whispers. ‘And... We started it. Not only Wei Wuxian, but me too. I need to see it to the end. But I would like A-Yuan...’
She stops. The whole group stays silent, the feeling of foreboding in the air.
‘I think he should at least have a chance,’ she ends. ‘Not like some of us. A real chance.’
People in front of her nod. Everywhere she sees serious expressions. Those people went through a lot. Through abuse, through war, fear and starvation. They were living now on a mountain of bones, living on what little they managed to grow or buy, with tattered and old clothes on their backs.
Wei Wuxian tried everything to make their life easier. But easier didn’t mean comfortable. Or fully safe.
But is it worse than leaving?
She hears a rustle, can see someone out of the corner of her eyes, blending deeper into the forest. Right. So he finally goes away.
She clasps her hands.
‘But before, if at all, we go,’ she says a little more enthusiastically. ‘I need to admit I have an idea...’