Chapter Text
Getting into Titans Tower was inconceivably easy, after Jason entered Nightwing’s overrides. Two commands brought up the faraday cage blocking outgoing messages and ensured none of the usual alerts would make it to the Justice League. The press of a button released a sleeping gas in the common room, where the Titans—minus the Replacement—had gathered for a cheesy rom com marathon.
Hardwiring a sleeping gas button into the security system was a horrendous oversight, and one that Batman would never have allowed in the Batcave.
It was good to know that Bruce failed to care about all of his Robins equally once they disappointed him. Jason would have to ask Replacement about that, once he showed up. His patrol schedule said he should return any moment, and Jason wanted to be ready.
To start that, he had to tuck the rest of the Teen Titans into bed, just to make sure he didn’t give the game away before it was time. The Replacement needed to learn Robin was always alone when it mattered.
Jason started with Cyborg, half dragging the hero down the halfway as he carried him into his bedroom. Inside, the room was disturbingly empty: a bed with only the fitted sheet, a lapdesk balanced precariously on a beanbag chair, and what Jason assumed to be a customized charging port. There were no posters, no half built projects, not even a trash can to suggest the room was occupied by a teen boy.
Then again, Cyborg had a family, Jason reasoned, he probably only stayed here during emergencies. After all, the set up was a younger version of Jason’s own safe houses.
Getting Beast Boy and Raven to their rooms was easier, and yielded rooms similarly devoid of furniture or personal effects. Jason wasn’t sure about their family life, but it would make sense that the teens didn’t stay at the Tower without supervision all the time.
Starfire on the other hand, ticked at the streetrat in Jason. Her room had only a bed and one of those rolling clothes racks found in fancy neo-modern lofts. However, it was a pigsty, casual clothes and boxes of papers and tubes of paint jumbled together across the floor. It looked like she had moved all of her earthly possessions into the room, only to realize she didn’t have the storage space for any of it.
Not his business, Jason knew. Still, he couldn’t help but pull the covers up higher around Starfire, as if that would ward off the sense of abandonment gathered around the teen and her room. It was probably just for a weekend or so, to prove a point to her parents. That was the sort of behavior that was expected of teens, right?
Closing her door with a gentle click, Jason checked on Replacement’s status. Still out of range of the security system.
Jason frowned. The brat better not make him wait all night. It was already well past four in the morning, and Jason had skipped dinner to ensure he was ready for a fight.
Another half hour crept by, and Jason considered calling it a night. He’d lose his backdoor into the Tower, but at least Replacement wouldn’t be making a fool out of him.
His stomach grumbled, giving Jason a new plan. He’d teach the Replacement what it was like to come home and find out someone else had taken what was yours. Besides, it was Replacement’s fault Jason could no longer eat Alfred’s cooking.
He’d have to make do with what he could find at the Tower. His hopes weren’t particularly high—teenagers had a skill for eating the good stuff first. But, whatever adult was responsible for watching the Titans would probably make sure they had more nutritious foods as well. Who knew, maybe Afred had set up a series of frozen meals like he used to do for Jason before his yearly trip to visit family.
***
The kitchen, like everything else in Titans Tower, was state of the art. Gleaming chrome and glass surfaces. The fridge was industrial sized, spanning an entire wall. An island in the center held both a standard stove top and a built-in grill. A coffee maker in the corner was surrounded by empty k-cups.
Figured that his Replacement couldn’t be bothered to clean up after himself. Not when Bruce had clearly gone for the opposite of Jason, gone for old money, genius IQ Timmy.
Jason grabbed a handful of the cups, turning to look for a trashcan in the oversized kitchen. A minute of hunting later, he found it, built into a cabinet on the island. Pulling it open revealed a mess of chip bags and dirty microwave meal containers, tossed in the plastic container with no liner to be seen.
Jason wasn’t really sure why, but that pissed him off more. There was no way he was going to fight the Replacement in a dirty house. None of his plans accounted for it, but the idea of showing him just how lacking he was in all regards had grown more appealing than a simple fight.
He went to find a trash can liner. Alfred normally kept them in the laundry room, so he started there. The room was far cleaner than he expected, no dirty clothes or scooped out lint to be seen. No detergent or softener either, he realized as he opened the cabinet over the dryer. There was nothing in the cabinet in fact. Nor in the one opposite.
Back in the kitchen, Jason took a closer look. No soap or scrub brush by the sink. No pots or pans in any of the drawers. Cautiously, he opens the door to the pantry. A six pack of soda, a bulk pack of protein shakes, and a moldy onion.
Jason backed up, falling into one of the bar stools. One hand flipped the latch on his helmet, loosening it enough to slide off and clank onto a countertop that had clearly never seen use. What had the Justice League been thinking, sending a team of screwed up teens to live by themselves? They clearly weren’t checkin in on the Titans, and Starfire if not more of them were undeniably living there, without a way to do laundry or cook or even sit at a proper desk to work.
Jason felt a bit like a wet cat, scrabbling desperately at the edges of a bucket to get out. Leaving his helmet behind, he wandered through the building looking for any sign that the Titans feel at home in the tower.
He found a sign in the form of a sticky note pasted to the door between the common room and the med room. To Do was written across the top in blocky letters. Figure out where funding for first aid supplies is supposed to come from. Learn how to turn on heaters before winter. Buy food?
Jason had the nasty suspicion that the wardrobe labeled medical supplies was as empty as the laundry room cabinets. He opened the cabinets, and learned it could be worse. Dental floss was not appropriate for stitches, no matter that Jason had used it a time or two in a pinch. And bandages like that were single use for a reason, and if the Titans were going to reuse them they might as well just cut up a t-shirt. It’d probably be more sterile.
As he was entering the common room, he heard a clink, soft enough that he would never have heard it through his helmet. Pulling his hood up to cover the patch of white hair, Jason stalked forwards, hiding in the shadows as he followed the sounds of clicking plates to the kitchen.
The Replacement was back, bustling around the kitchen like nothing was wrong. On the country was a bowl half filled with cereal, a plastic spoon laid out beside it. The Replacement himself was currently looking rather green, tossing the carton of spoiled milk into the trash can a moment later.
For a second, Jason thought he was going to eat the cereal dry, and he debated trying to get him to choke with a dramatic entrance. Then he remembered his helmet was sitting on the counter, a good dozen feet away from the Replacement’s chair.
While Jason was dithering—no, mulling over his options—the Replacement had collected something from the pantry. Watching the Replacement pour a protein shake over his cereal, Jason realized a few things.
Firstly, this Robin had never met Alfred. Secondly, without intervention, one of the Titans was going to get sick or dead living like this. And thirdly, if he let this Robin die from something stupid like not having medical supplies, he’d never be able to respect himself or the Justice League again.
Collecting his helmet, Jason waited just long enough to ensure Robin had gone to bed. Then he found the garage and collected the least flashy of the vehicles inside. He had a lot of shopping to get done before the Titans woke up.