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It was not uncommon, after a mission, for the Avengers to all crash in the living room of the tower, now free of any Loki-sized holes in its floor. They would shower, change, order pizza, and pass out in front of the television for as long as they could before SHIELD showed up—they had the routine down pat.
Now, Bruce stepped out of the elevator, no longer green and no longer dressed in stretchy clothes, running a hand through his wet hair. On the couch, looking a little worse for wear, Tony grunted in lieu of a hello. Steve cracked one eye open from his chair and twitched a finger at Bruce, while Thor flashed him a weary smile and went back to scrubbing sea monster guts off of his armor with a dishrag.
Bruce flopped into an empty chair with a groan, half listening to the news coverage on the TV about their latest escapade with a giant, rampaging creature on the streets of New York.
“I’ve already counted seven Godzilla jokes, five Pacific Rim references, and two Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea puns,” Tony deadpanned.
A minute later, Steve raised his head toward the ceiling and mumbled, “JARVIS, can you put ‘Pacific Rim’ on my list, please?”
“Certainly, Captain,” the AI replied, sounding somehow more alive than any of the Avengers in the room.
Speaking of which…
“Where’s Tasha and Clint?” Bruce asked.
Tony shrugged, Steve waved his hands in vague way that encompassed both everything and nothing, and Thor said, “I believe they are still showering.”
This elicited a hum from Tony, which Bruce suspected was meant to be suggestive, but under present circumstances only sounded exhausted.
“I highly doubt it, Tony,” Bruce said.
Steve squinted at the two of them for a second and sighed. “JARVIS,” he said, “Put ‘how to understand Tony Stark Language’ on the list, too.”
“I’ll schedule it with Ms. Potts,” said JARVIS.
Tony sent a halfhearted scowl at the ceiling’s security camera. “I’m not joking,” he told Bruce, “You know they’re doing it. Probably right now. In the shower.”
“Oh!” Steve threw his hands in the air, then let them flop down again. He was too sore to do anything else.
“I highly doubt it,” Bruce repeated.
Thor glanced up from his scrubbing. “I have observed a greater closeness between Barton and the Lady Natasha than among others of our group,” he mused.
“Listen to MC Hammer, Bruce,” said Tony.
“JARVIS…” Steve started.
“Adding it to the list, Captain.”
“Thanks.”
While Bruce wondered once again just how much sentience JARVIS possessed, Tony continued speaking, “You can’t honestly tell me you’ve never thought they were an item.”
“Well…”
“They bicker like a married couple,” said Tony.
“Natasha has an arrow necklace she wears on missions without Clint,” Steve pointed out.
“They’ve got at least three permanent aliases where they’re married,” Tony added.
“If I recall correctly, Lady Natasha only became an Avenger because my brother put Clint in danger,” said Thor.
Bruce smiled. “I’m not arguing with any of that,” he said, “I simply disagreed with Tony’s… ah… insinuation.”
Tony gave Bruce an “are you really sure?” look over the arm of the couch.
“Tony,” Bruce said, “You’re tired, you’re sore, you’re hungry. What are the top five things you want to be doing right now?”
“Sleep, eat, avoid SHIELD briefings,” he listed off on his fingers as he slouched lower on the couch, “Um… sleep again. Invent a device that’ll let me sleep and eat at the same time… Oh.” He blinked. “Yeah, hot shower sex isn’t really on that list.”
Steve rolled his eyes. Thor looked like he was debating Tony’s claim. The reporter on the television made her eighth Godzilla reference.
And Tony kept talking. “Fine, but you know they’ve done it before.”
Bruce sighed, but said nothing.
“Capsicle, Sparky, back me up here.”
Thor cheerfully agreed with him, while Steve made indecisive noises.
“I’m not really comfortable speculating about other people’s relationships,” Bruce said slowly, “If they are together, that’s their business. If they’re not, it isn’t ours.”
“Well, Jolly Green’s not feeling very jolly today, is he?” Tony muttered.
Steve rolled his eyes again.
“Alright, for all you non-fun-sucking superheroes here,” Tony said, “I’ll bet you a hundred bucks they’re secretly banging.
“A hundred—shit, Tony, a hundred bucks?” Steve choked.
“I am afraid I cannot take you up on your offer, considering I do not own one hundred of any currency from Midgard,” said Thor, “Would you accept Asgardian gold?”
Bruce just chuckled and shook his head.
“How about fifty bucks?” Tony conceded.
“You have a deal!” Thor laughed, reaching across the couch to slap Tony happily on the back. Tony winced.
Steve still looked reluctant.
“That seems like an inherently unfair bet,” Bruce pointed out, “If it only ends wh—if someone proves Clint and Nat are dating, then —”
“You said ‘when,’” Tony grinned wickedly.
“I did not.”
“You did.”
“I did not.” But it was too late. Bruce was already biting his lip, trying—and failing spectacularly—not to snicker. “Fine. Fine!” he gave up, throwing his hands in the air as he started laughing, “You limit the bet to six months, and I’m in.”
“Deal!” Tony pumped his fist in the air, “You will regret this when I win, Bruce!”
“Oh, don’t count on it,” Steve grinned, digging in his pockets for the money, “They’re too smart to fall for any of your tricks.”
Suddenly, the elevator door dinged, and a familiar voice said, “Who’s too smart to fall for Tony’s tricks?”
All four Avengers twisted their head around to the source, to see Natasha leaning up against the side of the elevator, dripping water from her hair. Beside her, Clint scrubbed a violently purple towel over his head. They both, Tony decided, looked equally wet.
He raised his eyebrows at Bruce.
“Circumstantial evidence at best,” Bruce said.
Natasha raised her eyebrows at both of them.
Clint paused, looked up—towel still hovering over his hair—and saw Steve frozen in the middle of handing Tony his wad of bills. “Aw, you guys’re betting without me?” he said.
Dead silence.
“Okay, what did I miss?”