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“Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn, through silence you feel you could cut with a knife…”
Jemima settled on the ground, the warmth of her tribe surrounding her and breathing with her, and let the words settle over her. She knew this part so well, she was certain she could recite it in her sleep. As always she felt calm and warm and comforted.
And yet…
She always knew who the choice would be. Even at her first ball, where she and Grizabella had sung the dawn up together, and the old Glamour Cat had gone to her rest. Every ball since, she knew, like a whisper in the back of her mind, whose turn it would be to ascend. But tonight, she felt nothing. As the songs and dances swirled past and through, she had waited, but there was nothing.
Jemima idly recognized that were it not for the intoxicating effects of the Jellicle Moon, this would be a highly distressing prospect, but all she seemed capable of recognizing was that it was vaguely odd.
“...Announces the cat who will now be reborn, and come back to a different Jellicle life.”
Old Deuteronomy rose shakily to his feet, Munkustrap at his side, supporting him.
The Jellicle Leader was old.
This ought not to have been a surprise. Her Grandfather had been old as long as Jemima had known him, but now, in this moment she saw he was not old in the way he had used to be- old like a marble statue, solid, unshakable, even under the weight of years- but now Old Deuteronomy seemed frail and fluttery, like a moth caught by an early frost, in a way Jemima never could have believed her Grandfather capable of.
She gazed up at him, as he regarded his tribe before him, searching… But he made no proclamation. The silence dragged on, and the cats around her grew tense with anticipation. But still, Old Deuteronomy said nothing.
Then, she felt in her own limbs, a tugging sensation, urging her to feet. Jemima obeyed, rising from the ground. Around her, faces turned in her direction, her own confusion mirrored in their eyes.
She looked to Old Deuteronomy, hoping he would have an answer to what was happening, but as her eyes met his, the Jellicle Leader was bathed in a ray of moonlight, and there was a swelling in her heart and and her head-
Oh. She understood.
She understood, and she didn’t want to. She wasn’t ready. The tribe wasn’t ready. Old Deuteronomy was a stalwart, and unshakable pillar, and she couldn’t–
She gazed up at the moon, begging to be wrong. For there to be another choice. Another year. But the call remained the same, and Jemima was bound to obey.
She took a step, and then another towards Old Deuteronomy, her paw reaching out to him without her knowledge. He reached out as well, and she saw recognition in the Jellicle Leader’s eyes. He knew as well. And instead of the fear she felt flooding her every vein, in his face she saw peace and acceptance. She met with him, and took his paw, and behind her Jemima heard gasps from the gathered tribe. They had also realized what was happening. How soon, very soon, the history of the Jellicle Tribe would change irreversibly.
Jemima had not been a kitten for seasons now, and yet as she and Old Deuteronomy began their walk around the Junkyard, she felt more small and powerless than she had in years. Behind them she heard the voices of the Jellicle Tribe rise in an uncertain chorus, but when she tried to focus on them they sounded like rushing water.
As the pair ascended the tire, as she felt the power of the Everlasting Cat drawing near, Jemima turned to her Grandfather. It wasn’t necessarily proper– it rather broke up the chain of events– but she didn’t care–
“I can’t– Without you, how–”
She swallowed, her throat tight, unable to speak louder than a whisper.
“How will I lead them?”
Old Deuteronomy turned to her, and the warmth in his eyes reached to her very soul, like she was a newborn kitten. He wiped her cheek, and Jemima realized she was crying.
“My dear,” he murmured, and Jemima clung to every word, likely the last she would ever hear him say, “Take heart. You are not alone. And you are not unprepared.”
He leaned closer, so their foreheads touched. “I will not tell you it will be easy. But so long as you love them, and do right by them, it will be worth it.”
The pull of the Heaviside Layer overcame her once more, and they continued their journey to the pinnacle of the tire.
The next few moments she could only remember in snapshots of experiences. The wind in her fur as the tire ascended into the air. Her reluctance to let Old Deuteronomy’s paw slip from her grasp. The warmth in the old cat’s eyes as part way up the starry bridge, he turned and raised his paw to his tribe for the last time. Then he was ascended, and the light burned against her eyes as she tried to watch for as long as possible, and then–
The divine, piercing light of the Heaviside Layer faded, and left her standing in the dim beams of dawn that had just now crested the horizon. The yawning, unending march of the future seemed too overwhelming to bear, and she almost crumbled under the weight of it. Behind her there was stifling silence, and the heaviness of eyes gazing at her.
What should she do? What could she do?
As the rays of the sun washed over her fur, they brought to her mind an old song, one she had sung so long ago, of roses and sunflowers, and of new lives beginning. The memory of it warmed her heart, and soothed her soul, and then brought resolve at last.
And, as the new day dawned around her, the Jellicle Leader turned to address her tribe.