Actions

Work Header

Sacrificial, Intolerable, Nuisance, and Me

Summary:

Logan's thoughts were clouded; fear, sadness, happiness, and anger, all categorized as emotions. Yet even at the face of all these annoying emotions, he couldn't help but laugh

or where Logan's aware of his emotions, but deals with them by brushing them off and bursting them out at the same time

or or, aftermath of SvS Redux

Notes:

Hello there! Currently I'm just making random small fics to try and prepare for my main fic (in my profile) (btw this fic is not related to it). This is just me writing at 1 am because of thinking about Logan's overall character in the series.

This will discuss some unhealthy coping mechanisms such as overworking, drinking (not as severe in this case but just as unhealthy), and breaking things from anger.

This is more or so a almost seeing behind the scenes of how Logan deals with some conflict not only about himself but the other sides. This may come off as out of character probably, so just a heads up

Work Text:

Logan wasn't a horrible person, he'd like to think. Assuming that he was would mean Thomas was a horrible person, which is just not true. He always thought to himself highly compared to the other sides; admittedly, he was egotistical in some aspects depending on the situation. Though, because of this, he underestimated a lot of the other side's intelligence. He knows that, but awareness doesn't really make the whole issue disappear. 

He could say the same thing with his knowledge of his general emotions. He wasn't ignorant of the obvious clues and hints that he has expressed and felt emotions before, if he didn't he wouldn't be in this situation at the moment. What situation? you ask. Well, he wasn't in the very best situation at the moment. 

His room was a mess. No sugarcoating the state of it. Furniture such as chairs and shelves were everywhere, some even broken. Pieces of paper lying around every inch of the floor, almost mocking him. It was in disarray and generally not a very clean place right now. He wasn't quite focused with the furniture but rather his rapid thoughts racing as he sits on his bed with his shoulders tensed. 

He was just mad, you can say. Just angry at his state and the other side's perception of him. He wasn't really thinking of one thing, no no, that's impossible after all. When he felt the tug of Janus' cane on his neck, he wasn't quite happy with that. Even during the pull and plan that Janus did, he was infuriated. Almost screamed and snapped at the sudden action and disregard of his contribution. Janus looked almost terrified as the short moments of outbursts that he had were occuring. Even with this fear, Janus pretended to be him, of course, it was quite easy to pretend like him. 

He didn't know if that was a insult or not. He didn't like to think about it. 

The aftermath of the event was him going at it at his own room, expecting some kind of fruition and satisfaction with the feeling of the furniture, papers, and worksheets break and tear. It was immature, he wasn't quite being logical. But, he wasn't really just logic now, is he? He was more than that, he had emotions after all. Janus was right. He didn't like that. 

Was that an excuse to wreck his own room? Maybe, maybe not, wasn't really important now. His anger manifested into an outburst of many emotions, he wasn't expecting himself to snap at Janus like how he did within that situation. It was like he couldn't even manage his own emotions, it was quite pitiful. Though, wasn't it the saying that 'it's okay not to be okay' relevant to Thomas' whole mindset and perspective? Well he wasn't okay right now, isn't that okay? 

He felt himself laugh, his chest moves at the vibrations. He felt pathetic, he wasn't quite a good model for being logic, is he? He pushed himself up to stand, his shoulders now relaxed but his mind far different. He snapped his fingers, making all of the mess organized. It was quite ironic; even with such awareness, he continued on and sat on his chair in front of his desk. 

He needed to feel things didn't he? Wasn't that the point? Was wrecking the place a way to express emotions properly? He knew it wasn't; he cursed to himself, the pattern of awareness was starting to become a nuisance. He wished ignorance at these times, such a blissful reality it would be. But, even then, he knew deep down that his pursuit and crave for knowledge always precedes past his loathing. 

A bottle of wine stood beside his desk, he swirls the glass of wine in his hand. It felt so quick to move on from his sudden outbursts of anger, well, he hasn't moved on but everything felt like nothing even happened. He knew he did this so that the others wouldn't notice his blatant anger and emotions. It was easy to pretend. If he could clean his whole room with a snap of a finger, he wanted to reflect and do the same for his emotional state. 

Was it unhealthy? yes, but that didn't really stop him. Awareness seems to have only fed his existing anger and rage. 

Again, was he a bad person? well, he wasn't a person in the first place but hypothetically speaking, would he be considered this? Snapping at people (or sides) multiple times, violent tendencies and outbursts, and a smidge of over confidence, portraying it this way he sounded like a villain. He never really thought about the concept of his goodness, he was a side after all. But right now, at this moment in time,

he didn't feel like a good person. 

He felt horrible and he knew he had these emotions. But he knew himself at his core, he was a self-sacrificing, overthinking, inconsiderate mess. It wasn't funny anymore, he didn't felt his chest rise from amusement.

Emotions were the bane of his existence. He meant it wholeheartedly. 

Series this work belongs to: