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The irony of Nightwing seeking him out would have been funny in any other universe, perhaps in some other timeline Jason would have laughed and made good use of his concealed identity to tease Dick, to pretend he’d done something to the Robin he was desperately begging for Hood to help him find… Maybe he’d refuse or ask for demands far greater than he knew Dick could pay-
But in this universe, Jason felt sick. He felt like a monster. He wanted to shift and run away and curl up against Damian where it was safe.
“Please. I- I’ll give you anything you want. I can’t lose another brother.”
Dick cried.
Nightwing, the pinnacle of strength, of optimism, of always smiling, trying to help anyone, issues big or small, was sobbing, on the rooftop beside him. Jason felt disgusting. He’d been so scared of going home, of letting Tim and Dick see what had become of him… He was a killer, he’d broken Bruce’s only rule, first under the forceful orders of the League (even if it was to become Damian’s protector- which Jason would kill for his little brother without hesitation if it kept him safe-) but when he’d reached Gotham he’d kept going.
He’d kept killing. He was already sullied, he’d already be rejected should he go home.. So he didn’t stop, didn't go home. He took the cowardly option, hid himself away and continued to clean up Gotham the only way his bloodied hands knew how. If he cried himself to sleep some nights, missing his family, well, nobody would know.
But now he had Damian back in his life, (the kiddo apparently moving back to Gotham shortly after Jason had) and Freya and Colin to care for (despite Freya only being two years younger than him.) And for the first time in a while he wasn’t lonely- He wanted things to stay that way.
The consequences of his selfish desires, had given him this.
“I- I’ll give you anything.” Dick repeated, his tone so desperate, tears leaking from the clouded domino, shoulder shuddering and arms trembling. His big brother.
“I-” Hood started, his own voice coming out distorted, the modulator not working very well with the raw, broken tone Jason was sure he was using. He’d done this. He couldn’t go back, he couldn’t, his brothers deserved better than a murderer for a sibling and yet- he really wanted to hug his older brother.
“Me. You can have me. Please just help me find my baby brother.” Dick choked out, “I-I’m a shifter. I- You can have me however you want-” Dick continued, quivering as he did. Dick was only just 18. He was barely an adult, he’d probably only come into his fully-grown form while Jason was with the League. He would be highly desirable for Traffickers and even more so if it came to light he was Nightwing. Dick was offering up his entire life to someone who could, very easily, do anything they wanted to him. “I- Would that be an agreeable payment?” Dick asked, desperately, still shuddering violently as he signed away his soul.
“Hood?” Dick asked, his voice was so quiet, pleading that Jason- “W-Would you rather me- um-” Dick made a crude gesture with his hands and flushed, head bowed. “I’d be good for you.” Dick spoke, through tears, clearly uncaring if he looked weak or desperate.
Jason only just managed to get the latches undone on his hood, launching it over the rooftop to turn and throw up his lunch.
He vaguely hear Dick recoil, a noise of surprise and concern as Jason heaved. Dick was what? Offering himself up to be raped for Damian's safety… Which okay Jason would probably do the same, but he was a street kid, the fact he’d escaped that fate when he’d been homeless was nothing short of a miracle. He’d spent years expecting it- It wouldn’t be as-
Dick. Jason would never let that happen to his brothers.
He coughed violently, nothing left to spill, wiping his mouth with the back of a gloved hand. God he needed a drink, his mouth tasted awful.
“Y-You-” Jason tried, turning to look at Dick.
His brother flinched violently, taking a step backwards. Jason still had a domino, but his brother had spent three years seeing him in a Domino, of course he’d recognize him, even if he was bigger, taller, a stripe of white in his hair that- okay maybe that one made him even more recognizable.
“Jay?” The tone was haunted, especially still through Dick’s hiccupping sobs, feet frozen to the roof.
“Dickwing.” Jason managed. “I-” Jason went silent. Shook his head and then gave Dick a gesturing motion. “C’mon. Not here.” Jason grumbled, reaching to pick up his hood, but not put it back on. He slid down the roof and onto the fire escape. Yes, he’d been on his own roof, he wanted a smoke before he finished patrol and smoking inside was gross, especially with kids.
Dick followed, mostly in shock.
It was easy enough to slide back into the flat. Damian and Colin were curled up beside Freya, the elder girl in the middle with one boy tucked under an arm on both sides. It was ridiculously soft. Freya shot him a curious look and put a finger to her lips when he entered, nodding down at Colin. The kid was asleep. Good. He didn’t need Mini-Dick and Actual Dick to meet. Hood nodded at Nightwing, Freya narrowed her eyes, a little defensive but not questioning Jason. A week of living together and the girl had slowly started to trust him (and fallen ridiculously in love with Damian and Colin.)
Dick slid in after and met Damian’s eyes instantly, sagging down to his knees in relief, a keening noise punched from his lips. Damian was instantly on his feet and across in Dick’s arms. Jason slipped away to shuck off some of his gear and grab a glass of water, brush his teeth. He had just thrown up after all.
When he returned, Colin was awake (fuck) and Dick was still curled around Damian on the floor, mask off, eyes red raw and wet. They instantly shot up and met Jason’s across the room, blue meeting Lazarus green. Dick let out a muffled wail and made the most helpless looking grabby hands, unable to draw himself to pull his arms from around Damian who was snuggled against his chest.
“Jay. Jay- Brother-” Dick bawled, babbling desperately over and over until Jason was over and on the ground too, tugged into a three-way hug right there on the hardwood floor.
“Dickie.” Jason choked out, his own eyes wet as Damian made adorable little purrs between them. It was a habit Jason had noticed long ago, a lack of shifting in his youth meant some of Damian’s shifter characteristics had begun to show while he was human, the snappy teeth and the growls but also the purrs-
“You-you’re alive.” Dick gasped out, hands touching every part of Jason’s face that they could before he pressed his ear to Jason’s chest, sagging at the sound of a heartbeat.
“I-Yeah. The League had me for a while.” Jason admitted. Damian didn’t even stir at their talking, just squeezing onto them both tightly. “I- I’m sorry I didn’t come home-” Jason sniffed, trying drastically not to cry and failing horribly. Dick didn’t speak, just squeezed them both tighter. Jason couldn’t ignore Damian’s little huffs and hitches, clearly crying himself.
“Habibi, look at me.” Jason spoke, voice cracking. Damian complied, lifting his head to offer Jason his tear-streaked face.
“Akhi?”
“You’re safe. I’m here, I’ll always protect you, remember? Not because its my job but because you’re my family. And Dickie, he’ll protect you just the same. We’ve got you. We won’t let go, Baby Bat.” Jason urged, Damian shuddering and relaxing into Jason’s arms. His littlest brother was so relieved. He’d really enjoyed spending time with Jason but he’d grown fond of Dick and Tim- he’d missed them too-
Colin and Freya awkwardly watched on.
“Pr-Promise?” Damian asked.
“I’d die for you, Baby Bat.” Jason firmly stated, Dick flinching and shuddering against him at the words. “Sorry Dickie.” He hadn’t meant to do that to him-
Dick went silent, shifting forms between the two of them to then press himself even closer against Damian’s face as a Sugar Glider. Dick's form was only a little bigger than Jason remembered but clearly now fully mature. Damian instantly followed, slipping into the familiar Caracal he’d been too scared to shift into since Jason saved him- But now it didn’t feel scary, it felt safe. Dick happily chirped and crawled onto the fluff of Damian’s back, snuggling closer, shooting Jason a look.
Jason let out a long sigh that then turned into a sob he couldn’t mask and shifted for the first time in a while. It was… it was nice. Dick gifted them with a little screechy wail when he saw him, a skunk once more, before launching himself at Jason’s face.
God. Wasn’t that familiar-
Jason sagged to the floor and cried, let out pathetic little mewls, Dick curled on his head and Damian against his side and-
Jason wanted to stay here forever. He didn’t want to go back to reality where Dick would take Damian home, Freya and Colin would leave and he’d be alone once more, swimming in the blood he’d spilt and the lives he’d taken and the shame and disappointment he’d brought to his family, breaking Bruce’s rule...
For dying.
Jason mewled, whimpered and let out everything he’d been trying to mask by the scary façade of Red Hood. He was still just a kid, he didn’t want any of this. He just wanted his dad and Tim and Alfie and-
He wanted this moment to never end.
But it would.
And he hated that thought.
