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"Professor Fizzlebean, there's a weirdo outside of the labs again."
Teaching brought a lot of enrichment to Floofty's life, but not in the way they expected. Yes, watching young students bloom into sort-of capable graduates with bold aspirations to get caught up in as many lawsuits as possible was rewarding, but it didn't compare to reducing some hippie who thought cabbage could grow back limbs to tears.
The faculty had warned Floofty that hiring them was going to attract attention. After all, they were a disgraced scientist, controversial and smeared. The first wave of protests were almost inevitable.
Unfortunately for the staff and protestors, Floofty relished in the chance to play mad scientist. The students liked it too. Nothing caught a young mind quite as much as high energy, Grumppums-family style lunacy.
"Oh? Who is it this time? Is it the cabbage woman again? The one who thinks the haemorrhoids are caused by separation anxiety?"
"Nah. She's ranting about the evil alchemist. One who smashes the toxins and remains scarred."
"Ah," said Floofty, "yes. I was wondering when that blasted herbalist would come to haunt me. Be on your way, she's harmless- probably."
"Probably?"
Floofty shrugged.
"I have seen her hit things with her cane."
Shelda Woolbag had been invited to sign her hit book 'I was right but not because I had magical powers' in a small bookstore that served the local university. The second she saw Floofty Fizzlebean walking past with a latte in hand, scowling, she knew she needed to bother them.
The students were mostly unwary, except for one who scuttled out of the seminar like a frightened strabby.
"You septegarian pest, why have you come to interfere with my work? My followers will not be swayed by your deluded ramblings!"
And it was like they'd never been apart.
"Oh! Oh the wicked one! Amassing followers from the youths! Mother Naturae despairs!"
"I'm the wicked alchemist, yet you're the one from whom an acolyte flees?"
"What rumours have you spread?!"
"That you hit people with your cane."
"Eh," said Shelda, shrugging, "that's fair. I struck one of those blasted new age people earlier. She was trying to convince me my arthritis was caused by a lack of faith."
"Be thankful she wasn't talking about haemorrhoids again. Anyway, as repulsive as it is to see you again, what are you doing here?"
"Book tour. I saw you in the shop. I came to invite the controversial Dr Fizzlebean to a sacred herbal ceremony, celebrating the great plants we have been given."
"Such as?"
"Tea leaves, coffee beans, and the recreational substance known as 'the weed'."
Floofty squinted at her.
"Are you asking me to partake of drugs? Shelda, are you a police officer?"
"Dr Fizzlebean," she gasped, "I am shocked! Offended! One would NEVER use force against such an esteemed researcher." She paused, "besides, I grew it myself and I want an unbiased opinion."
"On the tea, the coffee, or the weed?"
"Yes."
"Very well. Allow me to collect my papers and we'll get lost in the sauce."