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His chest still hurts from the impact of the arrow - the potion healing whatever major damage it could find, but not quite being strong enough to heal all of it.
It will most likely leave a scar. He has mixed feelings on that.
Mostly because there’s a guilt that’s been clinging to Jay’s body since the prison, the weight of it making her shrink in on herself. It amplifies when she looks at him. Her eyes flicking down to his chest like she still expects her arrow to be there. And Gillion is shorter than her, so he can still catch the swirling mix of grief and guilt in them whenever she does.
He thinks she might be looking at Chip the same way.
Anyway, the point is - he’s gathered a lot of scars over the past years. During his training and his quest to follow his destiny and destroy evil. One more doesn’t hurt.
But he thinks maybe everyone will be expecting it to. The culture of the oversea is difficult to grasp in that way. He’s not a stranger to fighting a friend for his honour or for theirs. But judging by the way people reacted when he did the same with Chip, it’s not a common occurrence up here.
He doesn’t really get it. People will brawl for fun, intending to land hits on each other - the idea being that this is fine because punches don’t do lasting damage. But when considering healing magic, neither do weapons.
Well, so long as you avoid cutting anything off.
So, yes, being shot by his friend is something he thinks people will expect him to be upset about. Never mind that he stands by his actions. Never mind that it was her father’s fault in the first place.
She was frozen and she was shaking. When he woke up, she was crying. That fight - her father - was hurting her. And it wasn’t something he could heal with his magic so he did the only other thing he’s good at.
Dolling out hits and taking them.
He wasn’t going to let her go with that man without a fight. Not when she didn’t want to in her heart. And he also wasn’t going to disrespect her and betray her trust by continuing to use the armour she bought and made for him without upholding her favour.
It was a simple choice. It was easy.
And considering Jay is still with them, it was the right one.
His whole body aches, anyway. The trek through the prison was long and taxing. And the fight with Jay’s father and the escape afterwards wasn’t any easier. It’s just the arrow wound seems like it will cause emotional difficulties. Ones he’s not quite sure how to handle because the oversea doesn’t really get it.
He’s not dying. The pain is a background hum to him by now, especially with the ache of the rest of his body. And it’ll probably leave a cool looking scar.
But Jay’s still looking at him with guilt. And Chip’s eyes dart between them like he wants to say something but doesn’t.
The thing with Chip bursts first.
Well, more like Chip corners him in their bedroom while he’s redressing his wounds.
“Hey, Gill.” Chip rocks back and forth on his heels briefly, then steps closer. “Can we talk?”
“Of course, Chip.”
Gillion pats the floor beside him and Chip sits with a sigh, fingers drumming against his legs.
“So, um, Jay huh?” Chip leans back on his hands, shooting Gillion a hesitant smile. “You’re okay with her?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” At his answer, Chip’s smile falters a little more. “Her actions weren’t her own.”
“Well, she wasn’t charmed.”
“Not magically, no.”
Chip is silent for a second. Then he nods.
“Yeah, yeah.” His voice is softer than Gillion usually hears it. “I know.”
“Besides, I’m going to get a pretty cool scar out of it, don’t you think?”
It startles a laugh out of Chip, who leans towards him to bump their shoulders together.
“Yeah, buddy.”
Chip pushes off his hands so he’s sitting up normally and then rubs them down his face. He looks exhausted.
“I mean, I always knew there was a chance she was lying to us, you know? She’s navy. And the reason she came with me in the first place was kinda because of a bet! That- that’s fine. But I dunno.” Chip sighs. Drums his fingers on his legs again. “Seeing her shoot you like that… I didn’t really think she would do it.”
“She was trying to make things better for us and herself. I was causing problems by provoking her father.”
“That- that doesn’t matter! I mean,” Chip shoots him a look full of grief and desperation, “she could’ve killed you! And then- then what would I do?”
“Well, I’m still alive.” He places a hand on Chip’s shoulder. “And Jay was the one who gave me the healing potion to save me.”
“Yeah, I know.” Chip slumps, but Gillion can feel the tension still in his shoulders. “It’s- it’s stupid.”
“It’s how you feel.” He shrugs. “But if you’re going to be mad Jay, you should be mad at me as well. I escalated the situation.”
“I’m not gonna get mad you for almost dying, Gill.” Chip smiles at him. And Gillion’s not the best with interpreting emotion, but he thinks he knows Chip well enough now to pick up that it’s strained. “And I’m not mad at Jay! Not really. But it’s just… complicated. I guess.”
And before Gillion can respond, Chip stands up and offers a hand up to him, shrugging while he waits.
“I’ll get over it.”
Gillion takes Chip’s hand and pulls himself up with it - careful not to use too much strength and accidentally unbalance Chip.
“And if it makes you feel better, I don’t hold it against her.” Gillion says. “Her father is the one at fault.”
“Yeah, that’s- that’s good. You know, as capt- co-captain I want to make sure my fellow co-captains are okay.”
“I think I should talk to Jay.”
He mostly throws the idea out to see what Chip thinks. It seems like a good idea, but he’s always worried there’s some… thing he’s not getting. Some cultural difference to the oversea that’ll make him misstep.
“I probably should, too.” Chip muses. “I mean, I know we all had that chat together but…”
He trails off, then claps his hands together as if to end the conversation. Gillion has one more thing he wants to address, though, so he cuts in before Chip can speak.
“Chip? I’m sorry about what that mouth on me said in that room.”
Chip blinks, startled.
“Oh! Oh, wow I- I almost forgot about that, so much else was going on.” He laughs, a little stressed. “Yeah, me too, Gill. I don’t- I don’t think those things. About you or Jay.”
At first, his mind tries to remind him that Chip is a liar. But Chip hasn’t lied to him in ages. He knows, because he’s overhead Chip lightheartedly complaining about it.
Some of the tension he was carrying eases.
“Thank you.”
Then there’s a crashing sound on deck, and Chip groans as they hurry their way up to see what’s gone wrong.
Luckily, it’s nothing out of the ordinary for their crew. And Gillion sees Jay laughing, sincerely, for the first time since they left the prison. The guilt following her seeming to disappear.
It doesn’t last for long. But it steels Gillion’s thoughts and he knows that they need to talk. He's not going to let her continue to stay in pain like this.
They don’t get a chance before bed. The only time that would make sense is when Jay’s eyes linger on him as he uses his magic to close up the rest of his wounds. He had tried to offer it to the other members of his crew first but they had all refused. Apparently the fact he was knocked down means he needs it more than them, despite the healing potion.
It’s fine. There’s always tomorrow.
And yes, that would’ve been a good time. Unfortunately, due to the fact they all sleep in the same room, Chip was there. And Gillion didn’t feel right about asking him to leave even if he thinks Chip would’ve gone without complaining seriously.
But again, there’s always tomorrow.
Or the middle of the night, apparently. As Gillion is woken up to the sound of knocking on his barrel lid. He assumes it’s for his watch.
At least until he comes face to face with Jay’s puffy red eyes, smudged tear tracks running down her face. Her hands are trembling, and she looks down at his chest.
“Jay?”
“You’re okay.” She breathes, a mix of disbelief and relief in her voice.
“Yes?”
He starts to get out of his barrel and she backs away.
“No, no, I’m- I’m sorry, Gillion.” She laughs nervously. “You can go back to sleep.”
“You’re upset.”
“I- yeah.”
She hugs herself and trails back to sit on her bed.
But she leaves the curtain open so he takes that as a sign he can follow her. He stays standing, though. Not willing to get her bed wet.
“Is this about the prison?”
“Just a- a bad dream, Gill.” She looks up at him, new tears welling in her eyes. “It’s fine.”
“I don’t know about that.” He crouches down in front of her as she hastily attempts to wipe her tears away. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Then she sighs. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I want to talk to you.” For a second, there’s fear in her eyes. He doesn’t like that. “I wanted to tell you that I’m not mad at you.”
She laughs wetly, tears spilling from her eyes again.
“How can you even- how can you even say that?”
“Because it’s true.” He bumps his arm into her knee. “You know me, Jay. I don’t lie.”
“Yeah, I know.” She tries to wipe at her tears again. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I’m the one that shot the fucking arrow, okay? I think that makes it my fault.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” He repeats steadily. “And if it was, I’ve already forgiven you.”
“How?” Her voice cracks. “Chip, I- I get. I just lied to him I didn’t- I didn’t try to kill him.”
“He’s actually more mad about the you killing me thing than I am.” She goes stiff. And he realises that maybe he shouldn’t have said that. “Not- not that he’s mad! Just I’m so not mad that in comparison he’s, well… more mad. He’s not actually mad at you, though.”
“It’s okay, Gill.” She sighs.
“Okay, I fucked up a bit with that one.”
This time when she laughs, it sounds almost normal.
“It’s fine.”
“I think…” he holds a hand out and she takes it. He can feel the callouses on her fingers as she holds tight. “I think our cultures have given us different views on this.”
“I mean, no disrespect to your culture but almost killing your friends isn’t exactly a good thing.”
Right. This is what he thought would happen. He doesn’t think he has the words to explain it in a way that makes sense. Even in the undersea, that’s always been his flaw.
He sighs.
“You don’t really understand it.”
Jay’s silent for a second. Then she squeezes his hand.
“I’ll listen?”
“Well, I… can’t say I know how to explain it, exactly.”
“That’s okay.”
“It’s just… well, we live in a world where fatal wounds can be healed fully within a couple of days with the right healing magic.” He unbuttons his pyjama shirt and pulls the fabric aside to show the scar. Jay gets that look of grief on her face again, though, so he quickly covers it back up. “Without magic, this would’ve taken weeks to heal. Maybe months.”
“That’s… true.”
“We hurt each other sometimes when we train.”
“Yeah…”
“It doesn’t matter because we’re not in danger. Because both of us have magic we can use to heal.” Gillion shrugs. “In the undersea, there are healers everywhere. If you fight someone for your honour, neither of your are in danger unless the person is dishonourable and tries to strike you while you’re down. But those fights are monitored so there’s still little danger.”
“I guess that… makes sense.”
He smiles. “I’m glad.”
“But this wasn’t some- some training accident.” Her hand tightens around his. “Or even a controlled fight for- for honour!”
“You had a healing potion.”
“If I left you would’ve died!” She hisses, wiping at her eyes again.
“But you didn’t.”
“I…” She curls in on herself. “I keep seeing you. In my- in my dreams. And you’re dead, and I leave with my dad, and you stay dead.”
“Jay.” He ducks down a little to try and meet her face to face. “The fact you’re beating yourself up about this so much means there’s nothing to forgive. I know you wouldn’t hurt me without a good reason.”
“I didn’t- I didn’t have one, though. I just- my dad-“
“Can I be honest?” She nods. “Your dad kind of sucks. In my eyes he’s the only one that deserves blame.”
She laughs. “That’s- he does kind of suck, huh?”
“And I was telling Chip, I’ve got this cool new scar now.”
“Yeah?”
She’s smiling now.
“Yeah.” He wants to hug her. But the angle will be awkward so he just settles for squeezing her hand again. “You’re my friend, Jay. I’m just glad you’re still here with us.”
“I’m- I’m glad too.”
And if his brain had any illusions about twisting what happened against him, the sincerity of her guilt and grief is enough for him to dispel it. Her relief at the fact he’s alive.
“And I hope, one day, you can forgive yourself too.”
She inhales shakily, tears welling up in her eyes again. She wipes at them, but this time she’s laughing and it sounds close to normal.
“C’mon, Gill, I’m trying not to cry.”
“Sorry, sorry.” But he’s laughing a little with her. “Well, I’m not sorry for saying it.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She leans forward and hugs him. Then whispers, “don’t ever take your armour off in a fight again, okay?”
“I’ll try.” She pulls back, frowning, and he puts his hands up in mock defence. “I can’t promise - juggling a few too many oaths right now, honestly - but I’ll try.”
“Okay,” she sighs, “good enough, I guess.”
“Now,” he stands, “do you think you can sleep or do you want to take over for watch?”
“I’ll take watch.” She stands and stretches, rubbing at her eyes again. “You go back to sleep.”
“Okay, see you in a couple of hours.”
“See you, Gill.”
He settles back into his barrel as Jay disappears to the top deck.
And they’ll be fine. Chip and Jay will have their talk and then everything will be back to normal.