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"This is gonna be great," a limber, dark-haired man said, smiling with pained eyes at the camera.
The Asian girl to his left patted his shoulder, giggling. The black boy on his right was wincing.
"Maybe it won't be... that bad?"
"Oh, it's not us I'm worried about."
/
"This is gonna be great," the tallest boy said, grinning wide and half-feral. A streak of white in his otherwise dark hair hung down not quite to his unnaturally bright green eyes.
"At least try to contain your excitement, Todd," the bronze-skinned child in the middle huffed.
The pale, long-haired boy on the left just sighed, pulling a purple coffee mug closer to his laptop.
/
"Hi," the first man said, trying for charming but just barely scraping past exhausted. "I'm Dick Grayson."
"Cass Wayne!"
"And I'm Duke Thomas."
/
"At this point, if you say you don't know us, you're lying," Green-eyes said.
"Yeah, I'm obviously Jason Todd," the pale boy deadpanned.
"Right," Green-eyes agreed. "And I'm Damian Wayne, naturally."
"I unequivocally refuse to call myself Drake."
/
"And we're here today," Dick continued, "to do the Buzzfeed... the Buzzfeed 'How would you die as a superhero' quiz."
His PR smile was already slipping.
/
"I'm going to have seven panic attacks or the best day of my life," the real Jason Todd announced. "Literally no in-between. Let's do it."
Tim Drake snorted. "Alright, first question. What are you and what do you look like?" He began snickering in earnest. "Either you look like a cinnamon roll or like you could kill someone, and either you are a cinnamon roll or you could kill someone."
"I could kill a man if I wanted," Damian said immediately. "And I have become resigned to the fact that I am seen as this cinnamon roll."
"It's the baby fat," Jason said. "It just turns your Baby Batglare from intimidating to adorable."
Tim coughed, immediately receiving the Adorable Baby Batglare.
"I'm told I look like a cinnamon roll," he said. "But I frankly have no clue if I am one or if I could actually kill someone. Well, I guess Ra's. I'd be down to just... off him."
"We'll make a party of it," Jason said drily. "I know I look like I could kill a person, and I absolutely--"
"You're actually a cinnamon roll."
The two stared at each other over Damian's head.
"Timothy," Jason whispered, flabbergasted, after five shocked seconds. "The bleep?"
"You literally can't argue with me."
"He's right."
"Damian-"
Jason strangled off whatever he was going to say, staring between his little brothers as if concerned for their very sanity. He mouthed wordlessly, shaking his head the slightest bit.
"Literally the guiding factor behind everything you literally ever do," Tim said, "is 'who can I help by doing the thing?'"
"Ok, but..."
"Just don't argue, Todd. You can't possibly win."
"You're telling me that you can kill a man, tiny, but I can't?"
"Yes."
Jason blinked at the two in disbelief before half a second, then just shook his head in defeat. "Alright, y'know what, fine, this isn't worth the migraine. But if I'm a bleeping cinnamon roll, so the bleep is Tim."
"Agreed."
"Yeah, ok, I can live with that. Ra's can be both of our exceptions."
"I'd like to be clear that the Joker is also my exception."
"Fair enough."
/
"Duke, you're a cinnamon roll inside and out," Dick determined.
"Takes one to know one, right?" Duke grinned.
"Don't be so sure," was Dick’s only response.
Poor Duke's eyes got rounder than saucers as he stared at his oldest brother. Cass ignored the exchange.
"Cinnamon roll who could but won't."
"What the bleep," Duke whispered.
"Next question," Dick continued, leaning back in his seat. "Dang, we went from zero to a hundred pretty fast. Who would you sacrifice for? Anyone, my loved ones, my cause-slash-beliefs, I don't honestly know, or depends, what am I sacrificing?"
"Anyone," Cass said without hesitating.
"Anyone," Duke agreed.
"Anyone," Dick made unanimous.
/
"My loved ones," Damian decided after a minute. He frowned a bit at the answer, like he wasn't sure if he was proud of it, but he seemed agreeable to its accuracy.
"Anyone," Tim said quietly. "Weighing lives is wrong to me."
"I get it," Jason said, expression grim, "and I've never pretended you aren't a better man than me, Timmers, but I can't say just anyone. Any innocent sure, but there are people who I'd choose your life or mine over, and I would not feel guilty."
Tim just nodded mildly. "I know, Jay."
"I'll say loved ones," Jason went on, "but it's not so narrow."
Tim merely nodded again and moved on. "What is your fatal flaw? I trust too easily, I'm jaded, I don't consider the future, I'm too guarded, I don't pick my battles wisely, or I can never say no."
"I am guarded and jaded," Jason laughed. "But mostly jaded."
"I don't see myself in any of these," Tim muttered.
"Guarded," Jason said instantly. "Getting anything out of you is like pulling teeth. From a lion."
Tim scowled.
"I also do not see myself represented--"
"Bleep, you can't choose your battles worth bleep!" Tim exclaimed.
"Facts."
Damian sputtered.
"You've literally fought every single one of us before, including Bruce!"
"I was assessing your prowess," Damian sniffed.
"Uh huh," Jason said, unimpressed. "And I guess when you charged Penguin at the gala last month you were testing his reflexes?"
"He has committed numerous animal rights atrocities. He would have deserved my skewering him."
Tim made eye contact with the camera and took a long sip of his coffee.
/
"Hmm," Duke hummed. "Gosh. I think another quiz was more accurate with the flaws thing. Of these I guess I'd pick not saying no? It's not like, fatal, but it's really stressful sometimes."
"Amen to that, little brother," Dick laughed. "But I do not pick my battles well. Gotten my bleep kicked more often than I'd really like to admit, quite honestly."
"Don't think about the future," Cass mused. "Live in right now."
"Well, usually that's really admirable," Dick offered. "Just... not when you're talking fatal flaws."
"Next up!" Duke announced once everyone had clicked their answers. "Which... Jason's gonna have fun with this, which Broadway song cuts you to the core?"
"Oh, bleep," Dick whispered.
"Story of Tonight, from Hamilton. I Dreamed a Dream, from Les Miserables, She Used to be Mine, from Waitress, No Good Deed, from Wicked, Flowers, from Hadestown, or Bring Him Home, also from Les Mis."
/
"Oh, come on!" Jason complained. "Bleeping all of these cut me to the core."
"None of them move me."
"I don't think I've even heard the last one T B H."
Damian shot his brother an extremely judgmental look.
"Wait, what?" Jason exclaimed, jerking away from staring at the screen to instead stare at Tim. "Well, hang on, do you know I Dreamed A Dream, though?"
"Yeah."
"How the f--"
"Well..." Tim shifted uncomfortably, staring down at the table and avoiding Jason's gaze. "I watched Les Mis with Dick when we still thought you were dead. It was your birthday, so we were watching your favorite musicals. And we... we got through intermission, but when the second act came on, Dick just said, "I can't do this," and turned it off. We just... we never tried again."
Jason got very quiet. Even Damian seemed to have nothing to say to Tim's story.
Tim himself shifted uncomfortably. He reached for his coffee mug but retracted his hand. His eyes darted around at the camera, his brothers, the laptop, and the table.
"How... How does... does Bring Him Home go?"
Jason was silent for a long moment, either heedless of or feeling the full weight of both his brothers staring at him. He kept his eyes on the computer as he cleared his throat and swallowed. But instead of reciting a few lines in speech, when he opened his mouth, he began to sing.
"Bring him peace... Bring him joy./He is young... He is only a boy."
It was soft at first, almost fearful, and slightly thready. The last word of the stanza broke his voice to a whisper. But as he went on, his voice grew stronger and surer, fulfilling each note with a slight, almost haunting vibrato.
"You can take... You can give./ Let him be, let him live."
He never took his eyes off the screen... or whatever it was that he saw before him. His brow pinched tight, a glistening haze blurring the unnatural green of his eyes.
"If I die... let me die, let him live... Bring him home."
Tim had bowed his head from the first note. Now he was weeping silently, shoulders wracking.
"Bring him home."
Damian's face was turned to Jason. His eyes darted up every few moments to search his brother's expression.
"Bring him... home."
It was a silent moment after his last note faded away, before a single tear slipped down Jason's cheek. He swallowed tightly.
After blinking for a second and taking a deep, shaky breath, he turned and glanced at his brothers. Damian immediately looked away, clearing his throat as he raised his chin and made a selection on the laptop before him. His eyes were suspiciously shiny. Tim was still crying, silent but openly.
Jason sighed softly. He scooped Damian off his chair and stole the seat, setting his youngest brother on his lap. Tim fell against him as he scooted closer and pulled him against his side, turning to hide his face in Jason's shoulder. The camera respectfully cut away to the other table.
/
"Dream," Cass decided, voice soft. "Sometimes... can hardly watch."
Dick just nodded, still staring at the screen with a faraway expression.
"Weird choice," Duke began, also quiet, "but I'm going with Story of Tonight. It's just such a weird mix of hope and... I don't know, defeatism in a way. I can't tell you how it hits, but it does hit, and hits hard."
"All of them," Dick said quietly. "All of them hurt. But I can't... with most, I... it's... it's ok. But No Good Deed. I just..." He laughed, but it was so much more like a sob. "Three lines in and I... I have to change the song."
Cass set a hand on Dick's arm. He braved a smile for her, moving on quickly with only a slight catch in his voice.
"Your superhero team has just walked into a trap, and you're the only one not to get caught. What do you do?"
Dick's voice seemed to stop, so Duke took over, glancing sideways at him, but receiving only a small smile, gone as soon as it was conjured.
"First option. I bargain with the villain for my team's freedom, offering myself instead. Or, I sneak around and free my teammates, and give them the signal for round two. Alternatively, I finish the mission on my own, using stealth as my weapon. Four, I call for backup, and E, I stand up and challenge the villain on my own."
"Free everyone," Cass decided. "Attack as a team."
"Probably your best bet," Duke agreed, nodding. "If you're sure you can get everyone free, which, fair assumption. So I'll go with it too."
"I've been in similar situations before," Dick said, scanning the options again. "And I've tried them all, or their equivalents. They each work in different situations. But the overall most reliable is to call for backup while starting on one of the others. Does that mean I always do it? Not even close. But if I'm trying to set a good example, that's my answer."
/
Tim was swiping tears off his face as Damian read the question aloud, still deigning to remain in Jason's lap. Jason himself was still staring a bit blankly, except when he eyed his brothers. Then his gaze became shrewd and worried, and he either tugged them closer or loosened his grip. When Damian finished, he quietly said, "Well, if it's you brats, bargain, but in any other situation, I finish the mission first."
"Finish the mission," Damian agreed. "As it is frowned upon to challenge the villain alone, apparently."
"Bite-size, challenging villains alone is literally a surefire way to die, ok, just don't bleeping do it."
"I have a sword, Todd."
"Yeah, you know what else you have that bad guys don't, midget? Morals. Your opponents don't care if they're beating up a thirteen-year-old, they just want blood. Don't bleeping fight them alone."
Damian just rolled his eyes.
Tim had recovered enough to rally himself, and scanned the answers for a minute before saying, "Challenge the villain alo--"
"Timothy Jackson."
Tim turned and stared Jason in the eyes, defiant. "It would keep their attention off of my teammates and their previous goal at the same time, without actually putting myself in their power or wasting time gathering others from distance or cells."
"It's also a really quick shortcut to dying!"
"I calculate the risks--"
"And then you totally ignore them!"
Tim scowled.
"That was one time."
"Yeah? And I tried to solo Joker one time."
"Question six!" Damian hollered.
Jason and Tim reluctantly subsided into This isn't over glares as Damian wriggled free of Jason's grip and stole his former seat.
"What trade-off could you best live with?"
/
"Blood, sweat, and tears for my goals," Dick read, apparently recovered from his own stress. "Heartbreak for happy memories, my... my morals for the greater good, other's judgement of me for my privacy, future possibilities for immediate ones, or my peace for a loved one's happiness."
He chuckled bitterly. "I've dealt with all of them."
"I'm gonna go with heartbreak for memories," Duke said. "But dang, this quiz is depressing."
Cass nodded, frowning. "Judgement for privacy," she said. "Easiest trade."
"Not always, Cassie," Dick said reluctantly. "None are entirely easy. But most commonly, for me... Peace for happiness."
/
"My own hard work for my goals," Damian decided. "It's simply natural."
"See, I'd happily trade people judging me for my own privacy," Jason said, "'Cept it never really seems to be me people judge as much as the rest of you. That I can't live with. And 'greater good' is a real slippery slope. God help me, I'm agreeing with the peewee."
Tim huffed a small laugh. "I can live with peace for happiness."
"You shouldn't have to," Jason grumbled. "Alright last one. Which... Oh, thank bleep. Which character do you look up to most? Kaz bleeping Brekker, no contest."
"Y'know what, I was gonna say Tony Stark, but I'm down to agree. Kaz is just goals."
"Anakin Skywalker did not prove you could be redeemed from even the worst deeds for the both of you to idolize a criminal overlord who --"
"Would pull himself together into a semblance of a man for Queen Inej Ghafa?" Jason interrupted. "Who'd crawl if he couldn't walk because that's what he does? Who recognized that people belong to only themselves and no one else?"
"Alright, enough about your book beau, Todd," Damian said, shuddering.
"Book boyfriend," Jason corrected shamelessly.
"Whatever."
/
"I know what Jason picked," Duke laughed, looking over the question.
"Kaz," Cass smiled.
"Other options are Anakin Skywalker, Tony Stark, Harry Potter, Aang, and... Mare Barrow?" Dick continued, frowning at the last name.
"She's from Red Queen, you idiot!" Jason's voice hollered off-screen.
"Well, excuse me if I don't have as much free time to read YA romance as you do!" Dick snipped back. "I grew up with Harry and Aang, so it's down between them."
"Aang," Cass decided. "So sweet."
"I guess I'll go with Harry, then."
"Mm, Tony Stark," Duke decided, tilting his head. "Talk about character development."
"Y'know what, I respect that," Jason called.
Dick rolled his eyes fondly. "And now to the answers."
"I'd be..." Cass squinted and then frowned at the answer. "Assassinated?"
"As if anyone could ever," Duke snorted.
"God, that's awful," Dick muttered. He leaned closer and read off the screen. "'The compliment here is that you're hard to kill in a fair fight.' True. 'You're clever and skilled, so your opponents resort to subterfuge to get at you. The problem is that it works, either because your honor precludes you from preparing against such dirty tactics, or because you're better at thinking on your feet than preparing ahead of time. Just try to take these things into account more often.' Overall, fairly accurate, except that it most definitely would not work."
Cass shook her head fervently, torn between disgust and confidence. "You?"
"I'd sacrifice myself," Dick said quietly, but he had a faint, sad sort of smile as he read it, as though he was glad to think that might really be the way he'd go out.
"You give up your own life willingly, whether it be for the whole world or just one person. You love so deeply and give so freely of yourself, but please take care of yourself, too. There are people who love you just as freely - let them!" Duke read. "Aw, Dick..."
"All hypothetical, Duke," Dick reminded him gently.
Duke made a face, but turned without answering to his own result.
"I would... get betrayed, damn. 'In or out of your mask, you let someone in that you shouldn't, and it comes back to bite you. The good news is that most real-life betrayals don't cost you your life. Still, you tend to trust too easily, perhaps because you, personally, are so trustworthy that you can't see how people can reconcile betrayal. Just watch your back a little closer.'"
"Well, they got your trustworthiness right," Dick said bracingly.
"Aw, thanks."
/
"I... live long enough to become the villain," Damian said slowly.
"What?" Tim demanded. "Horse crap."
"Y'know what, kid?" Jason said, scanning the result. "Bleep the title and just take the paragraph as grim advice. Here: 'You survive. It's impossible to know what you've lost and lived through, but at the end of the day, if you aren't careful, it could drive you away from the high road you've done your best to walk. Your anger comes from a just place, but don't let it consume you. It may be hard, but keep your hope and your good heart.' Just follow that like you always have, and take it to mean you live to a happy retirement with creaky knees and an old-man back."
"Delightful," Damian deadpanned.
"I sacrifice myself," Tim said, quiet and calm. "'You give up your own life willingly, whether it be for the whole world or just one person.'"
"No, you bleeping don't," Jason snapped. "'There are people who love you just as freely - let them!' And if you don't let us, we're gonna bleeping do it anyway, got that?"
"Sure, Jay."
But Tim had the tiniest sort of smile.
"Well," Jason stated, turning back and blinking at his own computer screen. "This is... painfully accurate."
"Captured and tortured to death," Damian read.
"Bleep," Tim muttered.
"Villains want you alive. That's bad."
"Oh, very bad," Jason agreed. Damian shot him a glare.
"Either they're interested in something about you, or you have a bad habit of pissing them off."
"Definitely the latter."
Damian glared harder, raising his voice louder. "From this we can assume you have a pretty tough exterior that borders on irritating at times, as well as some hidden gifts you rarely let anyone see.' - though I cannot possibly imagine what. 'You may be hardened because softness has hurt you in the past, but try again. There are people who care."
"Definitely not you, though, brat."
"No, certainly not."
"Right.... Well that was fun."
Comments:
Saradise: lol tim spells out tbh out loud
ShaneWoods: i was about to ask why "no good deed" but then i looked up the lyrics and... OUCH 😫
Cristiethecrab: why, what are they?
ShaneWoods: "Let his flesh not be torn/Let his blood leave no stain, Though they beat him/Let him feel no pain, Let his bones never break/And however they try, To destroy him/Let him never die"
Callmemaybe: oh god. Ow.
✔️JTthezombie: thats what i said
✔️Dick.Grayson: NO, bad Jason! NO JOKING ABOUT THIS FUCKING SONG
Peter.johnson: that's horrifically triggering oh my god
DUMbledore!: i feel that vibe, duke.
Enterusuername: poor dick 😂 video hasn't even started and he's already done
Janabeepboop: aaahhh!! DAMIAN WAYNE IS A CINNAMON ROLL CONFIRMED!
Doodledot12: a STABBY Cinnamon roll confirmed!
aKNIFE!no!: if dami wayne = stabby Cinnamon roll and stabby Cinnamon roll = robin, then DAMIAN WAYNE IS ROBIN CONFIRMED!
MadamLibrarian: he's even got the baby batglare!!!
Thrivingonwaynechaos: #savedukethomas lmao
Shayiscray: SIX OF CROOOOOWWWWS! jason todd u r now my favorite wayne!
✔️JTthezombie: you have good taste
Saradise: you have great taste in fictional men
✔️JTthezombie: why thank you
DefinitelyNotRobinHood: ok but what's your taste in real men??? 👀👀👀
✔️JTthezombie: stfu
WanyeKest: ok... i know this is really sad and everything hurts... but jason just plopping damian on his lap and damian STAYING THERE and then tim gets hugs too, like that is the sweetest flipping thing
Batwatcher45: ohhh as a mom "bring him home" makes me cry so hard
RockinRobin: i have very serious concerns about whoever this "rohz" guy is. Are you kids ok?
✔️JTthezombie: no we're not
✔️Timber!: rohz lmao 😂😂😂😂
✔️DamianWayne: for clarification, the correct spelling is Ra's.
RockinRobin: that is not the part i needed clarified
Greendragon: tim and jason roast each other a lot, but its so sweet how you can tell they really love and respect each other.
Whatupimjared: YES jason todd is a Cinnamon roll!
✔️JTthezombie: i really really disagree
Uselesspan: is Dick Grayson possibly a Sinnamon roll?? 👀👀
Whothehellisbucky: tim drake looks up to kaz brekker? God help us all
MoonlightSONYAta: i see a lot of people praising dick, duke, cass, and tim for saying "anyone" on the sacrifice question, but it's not an excuse for the rest of y'all to hate on jason and damian for prioritizing their loved ones. That's human, probably what most of us would do, and its not as easy as it sounds to acknowledge and admit that on record, especially for folks who are so likely to get reamed for anything negative
Killemwithkindness: yeah and don't forget jason literally said "ALMOST anyone"
✔️JTthezombie: Yes, I made that clarification, but that is no excuse for anyone to continue calling Damian "selfish" or any of the other things that have been said. If you think you're "better than us" then congratulations. Stop calling the thirteen-year-old "an example of everything wrong with the world."
Lilyloo: ^ THIS. If you say a child who's willing to "sacrifice" we don't even know what for his loved ones but not just anyone is The Problem in the world, you really need to rethink your shit.
Larabean: oh my god... tim and dick with les mis... 🥺
Liliasilly-a: what happened ONE TIME, @Timber!?
Timber!: i plead the fifth
Shayiscray: back bc red queen! ❤️👸
MadamLibrarian: jason. J a s o n. I am SOBBING right now
✔️JTthezombie: ...im... sorry?
MaryBeckham97: dont be! That was beautiful! 😭
✔️JTthezombie: what... was...?
TheForceIsWithMe: your singing. Technically, your voice is amazing. But specifically, the emotion you conveyed and the meaning you gave to it... i don't think there could have been a dry eye in the studio, and there certainly wasn't here!
LetmeLIVE: @JTthezombie your singing! I have chills, it was so haunting
✔️JTthezombie: oh
✔️Dick.Grayson: he's just shy about letting ppl hear him sing. Even we barely ever get to, AND WHEN WE DO HE ALWAYS MAKES US CRY JASON WHYYYY?
Persephone: i want to give the entire family a hug rn
La-di-da: jason will protect his siblings from literally anything from a supervillain to a mean quiz result, i stan a legendary brother!
✔️Timber!: I stan him too
✔️JTthezombie: im tearing up
PrimEverdeendeservedbetter: daaayum, dami has a good point about Anakin tho!
ShaneWoods: glad the quiz recognizes that Cass can win any fight
✔️cassafrass: 😁💪
Lilymaid: oof Jason's result was just a little too on the nose
Firstruleoffightclub: Jason's just calling all the Truth out about superheroing honestly. Kinda puts things into perspective...
Rubyread: seriously. Heroes come off as so powerful, but like, they really have to face these awful choices, and these horrific possibilities of if things go wrong
Redhoodie: This is exactly why FUCKING CHILDREN should not go up against these kinds of villains, BATMAN.
YesIAmRobin: fuck off hood 🖕
IAmDefinitelyNotRedRobin: tsk tsk we dont use rude hand gestures, Robin
YesIAmRobin: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
We'reallmadhere: wtf just happened the batfam is on youtube 😶