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The last customers had just left, and Osamu was going to lock the door when he saw him. Sakusa Kiyoomi, the complete and utter asshole. What the fuck did he think he was doing here after everything?
Sakusa made it to the door before Osamu could lock it, pushing it open as quickly as he could, probably because he knew if Osamu locked it, he was never getting in there. Especially now that Osamu knew he was back on Japanese soil.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”
“Did Atsumu tell you he saw me?”
“I haven’t checked my phone all day, but probably. Now again I’m asking, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“He didn’t tell you then.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve been back for two weeks.”
Osamu was shocked. Why hadn’t his brother told him?
“If he didn’t tell you, that means -“
“You think it means there’s a chance he’ll forgive you.” Osamu sounded cold even to his own ears.
Silence.
“Well let me tell you there isn’t. He probably just doesn’t want me to get arrested for aggravated assault. Which could still happen if you don’t fuck off.”
“Osamu-“
“No. You don’t get to come in here and demand I help you.” It was like he was having an out of body experience for a moment.
Silence
“That’s what you were gonna do right? Ask for my help? Well too fucking bad. You didn’t see the mess you left when you ran away. You don't get to come back after a year and make any demands of me.” He was just so angry, he could feel the tears starting from the back of his eyes, burning hot.
“I made a lot of mistakes. I was going through a lot and I took it out on Atsumu, I-“
“You cheated on him! You didn’t just take it out on him, you fucking destroyed him! He fucking loved you, went through so much for you, and you just fucking shattered him!”
“I know, I know. I’ll never not regret it. I have- I was taking some time, to- to fix things. To fix myself, make myself into a man that he might give another chance to. I’ve been in therapy, I fixed my meds. I’ve been consistently taking them too, I swear. I love him so much, and-“
“You don't do that to someone you love.” How could you do that to us? Your family?
“I know you don't want to hear this, that you probably won’t understand, but everything I did was about me, and hurting myself. I hurt him, I know I did, but I did it to push him away so that he wouldn’t want me anymore. And it was the worst mistake of my life and I would do anything, anything to take it back, but I can’t.”
“You didn’t just hurt him! I trusted you with him! I fucking trusted you and you hurt him. And I will never forgive you.” There was so much more he wanted to say, so much more he had practiced saying if this day ever came. But he couldn’t remember any of it.
“Osamu, I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt either of you. I wish I could tell you, make you understand what was going through my head. I just felt like- like-“ Osamu could see the gears turning, could actually see Sakusa’s hands trying to grab onto something.
“I would’ve helped you! Whatever it was, whatever you needed! You were my brother. I saw you as my friend, and my brother, and I trusted you, and instead you broke the most important person in my life.”
They were at an impasse, neither of them going to budge. The image of Sakusa was starting to blur through his tears, but he refused to wipe them away. He wanted the other man to see what he had done, to really understand the pain that he had caused.
Sakusa started nodding his head, slowly turning around. Osamu didn’t know what he needed to hear, but he knew Sakusa hadn’t said it.
Sakusa paused at the door, “I’ll come back. I’ll keep coming back, even if you never forgive me, because I see you as my brother too.”
And then he was gone.
Osamu hugged himself, he squeezed and squeezed, but he still couldn’t stop the flow of tears. It ached, an old and sore pain, a year old bruise.
Sakusa hadn’t even said he was sorry.