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Jack’s head resurfaced from the water and he started spluttering.
“Fuck! Shitting fuck you fucking— fuck your stupid crew and that stupid bird!”
That’s when he felt more saltwater than was comfortable in his mouth, and he had to reassess the situation: getting out of the ocean first, cursing second.
His dinghy was not far, lying half destroyed, floating miserably like his balls that one time they had tried to involve electric eels in a whippies session on Hornigold’s ship.
He wasn’t sure he felt that much better than his dinghy, either. He couldn’t move one of his legs, for starters, and he was starting to get a headache. Considering, that last part could just as well have been caused by having to deal with his old buddy’s bullshit. I should never have listened to that old lap dog of his.
Everything he got out of that stupid deal was a fistful of gold, some half-decent blowjobs, and a cannonball to the leg.
Right, about that.
He swam to the dinghy. Not entirely solid, but it could still support some of his weight. He heard a flapping sound, louder than the waves, and that’s when he saw it.
The seagull from before landed on the piece of the boat he was holding to keep himself afloat, giving him the biggest stink eye he had ever seen on a non-human face.
Hell, that would have been impressive in other circumstances. He swam faster, but the seagull didn’t budge.
if he had a translator at hand, Jack would have known that in that moment Olivia’s thoughts went something like this:
You murdered my beloved Karl, John Rackham. Don’t you know it’s bad luck to kill a sea bird? Oh, just you wait until I have my way with you.
Clueless to all this, Jack continued his fight with the ocean until he reached shore, exhausted. He dragged himself up, spluttering up sea salt at every “stupid bird” he uttered.
He allowed himself a moment of rest, throwing his limbs on the sand. He looked over to the docks, where a ship was getting loaded, the cabin boys singing to keep the rhythm. His drowsy mind conjured up a similar scene that must have happened far too long ago now. He began giggling and humming by himself.
Was there ever chummies, now, such as you and I, Jack?
Don't forget yer old shipmate, faldee raldee raldee raldee rye-eye-doe!
That’s what him and Edward used to sing, two young lads, unaware of how much pirate life sucked ass. A fit of laughter was starting to make it impossible to continue breathing, let alone singing.
Safe and sound at home again, let the waters roar, Jack.
Long we've tossed on the rolling main, now we're safe ashore, Jack.
The sounds coming out of his throat soon became a wheeze. His last thought before falling asleep was that, if Jack were a romantic like that posh fella Steve, he would have described his current situation as poetic irony. But he wasn’t, so he just said it was worse than hell’s butthole.
Olivia flied away, at least temporarily. There’s nothing she could do here that could make the situation worse.
When Jack woke up, his mind was hazy and his eyes wouldn’t stay open. He hears voices, and focuses on the ones talking about him.
“So you found him like this?”
Spanish Jackie’s Husband #12 nodded as he brought Jack into the tavern, supporting him with an arm slung over his shoulders. “Yeah. He was in hysterics, laughing and crying and covered in seaweed, sun-cooked and singing about his shipmates? Don’t know what happened to him, but he also smelled terribly bad. Rotting meat levels bad.”
Jackie gave a tentative sniff to the air. “Eh, not much worse than his usual. Take him to the free room, and bring someone to give a look at his leg.”
More steps, then some stairs. Finally, someone has the good idea to put him in a soft bed. He hears the door click. Whoever was with him left, so he relaxes and waits for the nurse or the sawbones. In either case, he figures he’s been through worse.
After a while, his head starts giving him some peace so he tentatively opens his eyes. In front of him is a window, and from the other side of that window two beady black eyes are staring right at him. Two eyes attached to a seagull head, which in turn is attached to a seagull body.
Even through the glass, Olivia can hear Jack’s loud groan of: “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”