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She always had something to blame it on.
She has to focus on her school work, she has no time for boys. She just got out of school, she needs to put herself before guys. She’s trying to become a detective, there isn’t enough time for men.
It was never really true though.
It’s not like she was making it up, not like she was avoiding it for no reason, she really didn’t want it yet. She even tried forcing herself out there, speeding up the process, but it didn’t work. Nothing seemed to.
Men were boring. There was no one she wanted. He could be considered the most interesting man on earth, but she’d rather be at work, or, really, anywhere else than with him.
“It’s boring,” Six Drink Amy moans. “It’s not fair. I can’t find any fun guys.”
“What about Jake? He’s fun,” Gina states, passing the wine bottle back to Amy.
“Not my type.” Amy takes a quick swig of the wine.
Gina scoffs. “What is your type, exactly?”
“I don’t know. An.. interesting guy.”
“Jake’s interesting!” Gina declares, much too loud, and right in Amy’s ear. “Hell, even Boyle’s interesting.”
“Yeah, but.. not, like, not in their way.” Amy sighs, leaning her head against the wall behind her. “Like, you’re interesting.”
“Duh.“
“So, uhm, a guy version of you. Know anyone?”
“A guy version of me?” Gina raises her eyebrows. “Doesn’t sound very straight.”
Amy rolls her eyes. “It is straight. I’m straight.”
“But the only way you can imagine liking a guy is if they’re a gender-swapped version of your girl friend? Don’t sound straight.”
“Seriously, Gina, leave it. I’m straight.”
“Hey, don’t get all defensive with me. Just a suggestion. Or, like, an observation. Geez.” Gina tilts her head so she can look at Amy. “Pass me the wine back. You’re hogging it.”
Amy does so with a nod.
“I have a brother, I guess.”
Amy turns to her. “You do?”
“Yeah. Want me to set you up with him?”
Amy shrugs, pouting a little. “I dunno. What’s he like?”
“Well, he can’t really live up to my standards but, you know, he’s a Linetti. So he’s pretty cool.”
“Yeah,” Amy nods. “I like Linetti’s.”
“That much is obvious,” Gina snorts, grinning and leaning on Amy’s shoulder.
“What does that mean?”
“You’re always inviting me out for drinks lately. You’re obsessed with me. More than usual.”
“I’m not obsessed with you.” Amy frowns.
“It used to be every once in a blue moon, Santiago, now it’s pretty much every night.”
“Yeah, I’m just being nice. That’s what a friendship is, Gina. You know, when you don’t attack someone for how they dress and act constantly. Just being friendly, that a crime?”
“Don’t lecture me on what is and isn’t friendship, you’re the one staring at my lips all the time.” It comes out a lot more accusatory than Gina means it to.
Amy’s stomach dips. Her face falls.
She knows there’s nothing reasonable she can blame that on.
“It’s late,” she mumbles instead, not bothering for an excuse. She lifts herself up from her spot against the wall clumsily. “I should probably go.”
“Wait,” Gina says, forcing herself up. Amy’s already at her door, putting her shoes on. “I didn’t- no. I didn’t mean it like that. Ames, I-“
“It’s fine, Gina, but I should still go.”
Gina makes her way over quickly. “No. I didn’t- I didn’t mean to say it like that. Everyone stares at my lips. They’re irresistible.”
Amy twirls round on the spot, to say some lame comeback in response, but the words catch in her throat as Gina and her come face to face. Her eyes immediately fall to Gina’s parted lips.
“It just..” Gina breathes, Amy can feel it against her lips, “came out wrong.”
“Right. Okay. That’s fine.”
Amy can’t really breathe. She doesn’t really want to breathe. Not anymore. She wants to run away and never speak to Gina again because she knows, and Amy knows, and they both know she’s doing it again. They both know what Amy’s doing, but neither do anything to stop it.
Gina seems to take the fact Amy has been staring at her lips for at least a minute as consent to move forwards, to try it.
She steps closer, closing the gap between them and placing her hand on Amy’s cheek as their lips meld together. Amy responds without any hesitation, threading her hands in Gina’s infuriatingly soft hair.
They pull away after a moment or two, their foreheads pressed together.
“Oh my God,” Amy whispers. She feels Gina’s uneven breathing against her lips and what just happened truly hits her. She feels tears pool at the edge of her eyes. “What did I just do?” she whispers, tucking her head into Gina’s chest. It’s the last straw. That’s the proof she dreaded.
She feels Gina pull them down, she feels her slowly lower them to the floor.
She hates it. She hates that she’s carrying it on and not running out and pretending this never happened. She’s sobbing against Gina and she can’t really tell what Gina is saying but it’s in her nice voice, and that only makes her want to cry more because, seriously, what is she doing?
“I’m a lesbian,” Amy murmurs against Gina through her tears.
She kind of always knew it, cliche as it was. It was always there, in the back of her mind, like it was taunting her. It wasn’t until she really acknowledged it and she said it out loud that she realised, this is it. There’s no going back. This was everything.
“I know, honey,” Gina whispers, kissing the top of her head and hugging her tighter. “I know.”