Chapter Text
Our story begins in the middle of a large room. Scattered around on the cold marble floor lay 21 strange-looking individuals, all unconscious. A young man wearing red glasses and holding a guitar case is the first person to wake up. His eyes flutter upon and he sits up, looking around and taking in the unfamiliar surroundings in silence…
Ryan Akagi
“OH AM I IN THAT FREAKING TRAIN AGAIN I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THAT-“
The sudden yelling wakes up most of the other characters around him. A teenage boy with a bowl cut immediately becomes alert, and glances around
Will Byers
“AGH- WHAT- DID I GET POSSESED AGAIN- VECNA?”
An elderly orange-coloured frog walks over to Will
Hop Pop
“Calm down boy! Obviously we’re all confused!”
Will
“WHAT ARE YOU-”
Hop Pop
“Um, rude. I’m Hopidiah Plantar! I’m a frog, and a farmer, and a grandfather to three lovely children. I’m very accomplished”
Will Byers
“A talking frog- did my brother accidentally give me his and Argyle’s special brownies again-“
A girl with red hair done in two braids leans over and looks at Hop Pop curiously before poking him in the back
Anne Shirley-Cuthbert
“Whoa-”
Hop Pop
“YOWCH! Watch it!”
Anne
“Oh, sorry! Usually when I talk to frogs they don’t talk back”
Hop Pop
“Well I DO talk back, I got some sass in my little bod”
A teenager with yellow skin walks over
Kris
“And some ass”
Hop Pop
“What?”
Kris
“Nothing. Anyways this is definitely a dark world, we need to find a fountain so I can… hey wait a minute-”
Kris moves their arm, their eyes widen
Kris
“I’m- in control again- how did that happen-”
Lego Batman swoops in and knocks Kris over
Lego Batman
“Yeah, I’ve dealt with stuff like this before- this is obviously the work of some C-Tier supervillain, kidnapping a bunch of innocent civilians. Don’t worry kid- I CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS”
Kris is unimpressed with Lego Batman
Kris
“So uh, anyway… ignoring- that-”
A woman with pale skin and pointy ears walks over, adjusting her glasses
Lilith Clawthorne
“We seem to be in some sort of strange building- very unique architecture-”
Kris
“What are you on about? This is literally normal monster architecture”
Lilith
“Oh wait-”
She examines Kris
Lilith
“Those ears- are you human?”
Kris
“Guilty as charged… wait-”
Kris looks around
Kris
“Uh… that’s more humans than I’ve ever seen- look at that dork-”
A girl with short black hair and black glasses is standing in the corner groaning prolongedly
Tina Belcher
“What is thissssss- eghhhhhhh- I’m not supposed to get- lost- which is obvious- Dad’s gonna get so worried-”
Kris
“Weirdo. Alright moving on”
Kris leaves to go look around some more. A teen wearing a green dress with long brown hair walks over to Tina
Lily Boyer
“Whoa, um, are you okay, gal?”
Tina
“NO- EGHHHHHH-“
Lily
“Heyyy, don’t worry. Deep breaths, We’ll be alright! I’ve gotten in weirder situations before, trust me, it’ll be okay”
Tina
“Weirder than waking up in a room full of people you don’t know?”
Lily
“My mom owns a paranormal investigation company, you won’t BELIEVE the kinda creatures that escape from their enclosures and end up in my room”
Tina
“Cool- cool-”
She takes some deep breaths, Lily awkwardly pats Tina’s head, which surprisingly helps. A teen wearing an orange jacket wakes up with a start
Jason Moio
“NOT THE KNIFE- WH-“
He realizes he’s not in the arena and pats his chest, where he would have been stabbed
Jason
“Wait- there’s no wound- did Cato spare me- did I pass out and survive the Hunger Games? CAN I GO HOME-“
Lily and Tina notice Jason as he stands up
Lily and Tina
“Oh hello you-”
Lily and Tina glance at each other, and laugh a bit
Jason
“... okay this obviously isn’t District 6 where the hell am I”
A robot orb with a large blue eye rolls into him, crushing his foot
Jason
“OWCHIES-“
Wheatley
“Oh! Terribly sorry, I haven’t quite gotten the hang of being off my rail system, it’s a bit of a struggle moving around without someone-“
Jason picks him up
Wheatley
“Yes, someone doing that! Oh I’ve missed being held-“
Jason
“Whoa, are you some kind of- Capitol technology?”
Wheatley
“Er, sure! That sounds about right!”
Ryan walks over to Jason and Wheatley
Ryan
“You sound familiar-”
Jason
“Me?”
Ryan
“No the- British idiot orb-”
Wheatley
“Thank you :>”
A faint screaming is heard. The three look back and see an anthropomorphic lightbulb freaking out and looking at the ceiling
Lightbulb
“Guh- WUH- HUH- MEEEEE?”
She’s pointing at the lightbulbs illuminating the room
Lightbulb
“WHAT IS THIS-“
Grassy
“It’s Grassy!!!”
An anthropomorphic patch of grass walks up to Lightbulb and attaches himself to her leg. Lightbulb immediately stops freaking out.
Lightbulb
“Oh hello little fella!“
She picks him up
Lightbulb
“Gimme some of that noun action, I’ve learned to be very accepting- it was part of my arc-”
Grassy
“Huh?”
Lightbulb
“Okay cool, you’re my new friend!”
She hugs Grassy and puts him on her head
Lightbulb
“I’ll call youuuu… Baxter II”
Grassy
“Grassy enjoys that name!”
A giant woman with curly pink hair walks past the two objects
Rose Quartz
“This place is- a bit ominous- another Homeworld trap?”
Ryan is staring at her. Rose Quartz notices and inspects the human with wonder
Rose Quartz
“Curious… do you know how we got here?”
Ryan
“No idea, but hey, don’t worry. I have experience with this kinda thing, just stick with me and you’ll be fine”
She chuckles
Rose Quartz
“You seem confident, human man. Though that doesn’t help me understand where I-… OH HEY WHATS THAT?”
She points to the side of the room, every single character turns, and she transforms into an even taller, thinner, pink woman
Pink Diamond
“*Ahem* Hello subjects! It is I, your brilliant diamond! Which means I’m entitled to any and all information regarding where I am, so I can return to homeworld and- resume my Diamondly duties or something… Also CURSE THAT ROSE QUARTZ AND HER CRYSTAL GEMS GRRRRR-“
Ryan looks at her for a second
Ryan
“Where’d the last chick go? She was pretty-”
She’s taken aback
Pink Diamond
“I- wait really?”
Brief silence
Pink Diamond
“Hey what’s that?”
She points to the side of the room, every single character turns, and she transforms back into Rose Quartz
Rose Quartz
“Sorry, I fled the scene to avoid that- tyrannical dictator- so what’s your name, human?”
Ryan
“Oh uh, Ryan! Ryan Akagi!”
Rose Quartz
“Ehe, well hello Ryan Akagi, I’m Rose Quartz”
Ryan
“Well it is a pleasure to meet you”
An man with a green hat and bushy mustache walks past, he’s pacing nervously
Luigi
“Ooooh geez- oooooh no- ooooh mama mia- ooooh-”
Squirps
“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! You are driving Squirps UP THE WALL!”
Luigi
“Oh- I a-pologize, I get anxious a-really easily. I’m a-sorry”
Squirps
“YOU SHOULD BE”
Tinky Winky
“Uh ooooooh”
Everyone looks at the large purple… thing.
Squirps
“What-“
Tinky Winky responds by laughing like a demon from the pits of hell
Luigi
“Mama Mia- I’m a-gonna have nightmares tonight-“
Po
“I have nightmares every night, you get used to them”
Luigi jumps at the unexpected voice behind him
Luigi
“AAAAGH-“
Po
“WHOA DUDE- sorry to sneak up on you there- my dragon warrior stealth must’ve been working too well”
He does a few kung-fu moves and accidentally smacks himself in the face
Luigi
“W-What’s a Dragon Warrior?”
Po
“You’ve never heard of the dragon warrior? I saved all of China like, THREE TIMES, dude!”
Luigi
“China? Is that a-close to the a-Mushroom Kingdom?”
A white robot appears beside them
Reddit
“Um you guys are freaking weird. r/cringe. A million downvotes”
A blue penguin wearing red winter gear and an old woman walk over
Bitsy Brandenham
“Why are all you nerds confused, it’s obvious why we’re here”
King Dedede
“Yeah, we literally signed up for it!”
Anne Shirley-Cuthbert
“We? I don’t recall signing up for anything…”
King Dedede
“Well I do!”
Bitsy
“Same here- after losing the contract to Central Park, I was just eager to sign something-”
King Dedede
“And my li’l waddle dees encouraged me to do it, said I could give DreamLand some good representation!”
Will
“What- wait, what do you mean-”
King Dedede
“I mean if I win this here game, I’d be a good representative for my home! Plus that prize don’t sound too shabby”
Everyone (except Dedede and Bitsy)
“Game?!”
A teen wearing a Hawaiian shirt and round glasses appears out of thin air
Mia
“OH GREAT YOU FINALLY WOKE UP- Took you long enough, I think I stole you all from your homes like, two hours ago? ANYWAYS- I’m Mia, and I’ll be your host for this evening. And next evening. And however many evenings it takes for us to finish this thang”
Everyone looks at them
Po
“Um, hey?-”
Mia
“Hi! Anyways who here’s excited to compete in my epic-”
A freaking SEXY GUY HUBBA HUBBA appears
Eli
“YOU’RE ALL HERE TO COMPETE IN MY PARTNER’S EPIC GAMESHOW WOOOO!”
…
Mia
“Uh yeah! That’s my co-host and boyfriend Eli, ain’t he cute? SO- the prize is-”
Eli
“ONE MILLION DOLLARS”
Everyone gasps
Mia
“No- it’s not- the prize is actually ULTIMATE POWER! Which is like, significantly better. OBSERVE-“
Mia summons a sandwich out of thin air and eats it
Everyone chatters excitedly
Mia
“Yeah, ain’t it neat?”
Rose Quartz
“Boy I’ll say-”
Eli
“My partner‘s great at prizes :>”
Mia
“You’re the real prize, snuggle muffin :>”
Eli
“I loooooove you :>”
Mia
“I love you toooooooo :>”
Reddit
“Ew, r/ihatepeopleinrelationships”
Eli
“You’re eliminated!”
Mia
“Babe no- we haven’t even started yet-”
Eli
“Fine-”
Luigi
“I think they’re cute! It’s like a-me and Daisy!”
Ryan
“And me and… nobody- for now”
Rose Quartz looks at him curiously
Mia
“Basically uh, you’ll all compete in contests, then a team will lose, and they’ll lose a member as decided by the viewers, and that’ll repeat until there’s only two left, and they’ll compete in a challenge, and- yeah- okay? Okay? Cool-”
Lego Batman
“Cool”
Mia
“Now I need you all to form 3 teams of 7 and we can GET THIS PARTY STARTED”
Eli
“Ready? OKAY GO-“
The contestants start spreading out, Lightbulb (who still has Grassy on her head) runs over to Hop Pop
Lightbulb
“Hey frogster, can you bust a move?”
Hop Pop
“CAN I?!”
He starts dancing horrifically
Lightbulb
“Yep, you’re perfect! Welcome!”
Hop Pop
“HOT DANG! Picked already!”
Cut over to Lego Batman
Lego Batman
“I need nothing but the best of the best for my team, so- obviously Jason”
Jason
“Cool, I guess. Can I bring the talking sphere with me?”
Wheatley
“Oh I’d very much enjoy that!”
Lego Batman
“Yeah sure, I’ve always been a tech guy- HA”
Po
“I’m the dragon warrior, so obviously I’ll join too”
Lego Batman
“Sure, that’s fine-”
Po
“AWESOME!”
Cut over to Lily and Tina
Tina
“Uhhhhhhhhhhh, can we be on the same- team?”
Lily
“Huh? Oh yeah sure! We need to get that hot Jason guy on our team too-”
Will walks over
Will
“He already joined the small plastic guy’s team”
Lily
“Well you aren’t- not hot- can YOU join?”
Will
“I mean, you guys are the- least weird of this group, so sure”
Tina starts blushing
Tina
“Ha- ha- ha- boy”
Will gets visibly uncomfortable
Will
“Not regretting this already nope-”
Reddit appears behind Lily
Reddit
“I wanna join r/teenagers”
Lily
“Oh uh- okay”
Reddit
“Wholesome 100 r/prequelmemes”
Will
“I understand none of those words“
Cut over to Lightbulb’s team, Lilith has walked over
Lilith
“Can I join? I don’t seem to have anywhere else to go”
Lightbulb
“Of course, if you can be funky fresh!”
Lilith
“I believe I can arrange that”
King Dedede and Bitsy run over
King Dedede
“Hey, we want in too!”
Lightbulb
“Wow! Aren’t we popular, Baxter II?”
Grassy
“Grassy is always popular!”
Hop Pop
“We just need one more member I think!”
Lightbulb
“Hmm- well, I guess we should start looking for one-”
Tinky Winky teleports into the group
Lightbulb
“Know what that works-”
Cut over to Ryan and Rose Quartz
Ryan
“What team shoooould- we join-”
Rose Quartz
“Hmm- I’m not sure”
Ryan
“Ooh wait, I know what’ll attract a crowd!”
Ryan runs off, then runs back with his guitar case
Ryan
“Watch this!”
He pulls his guitar out and starts playing it. Lego Batman hears it starts bobbing his head to the rhythm
Lego Batman
“Oh we need that guy, he’s got some SWEET tunes”
Ryan
“I’m game! Only if she gets to join too!”
He points at Rose Quartz, who looks flattered
Lego Batman
“Sure, by all means”
Ryan
“Nice!”
Kris walks over to Lily’s team
Lily
“Hey-”
Kris
“Don’t talk to me”
Anne notices all of the teenage characters uniting around a single team, and decides she’d do best on that team, so she walks over
Anne
“I hope I’m not intruding, but do you think I might be able to join this team?”
Lily
“Of course you can join!”
Anne
“Thank you!”
Will
“Oh, aren’t you the girl that Steve’s friend has a cr- I mean- is in band with?”
Anne
“Oh sorry, I’m not in a band- and I don’t know anyone who’s friends with a Steve-”
Will
“Oh you- well that’s interesting, you look just like-”
Luigi looks at the two teams with available slots, and decides to join the teen team
Luigi
“The other team is a bit a-scary-”
Tina
“Agreed-”
She looks over at Jason
Tina
“Scary hot-”
Luigi
“Heuh?”
Tina
“Nothing!”
Mia
“And so Squirps joins Lego Batman’s team”
Squirps
“MWA HA HA! SQUIRPS IS READY TO LEAD THESE PATHETIC FOOLS TO VICTORY”
Lego Batman
“So- are you like a squid- games?”
Ryan
“OH HOLD ON- what about that other big pink lady? She hasn’t joined a team yet”
Lego Batman
“Oh yeah- where is she?”
Rose Quartz
“Oh that’s odd- HEY I THINK I SEE HER OVER THERE”
She points to the side of the room, every single character turns, and she transforms into Pink Diamond
Pink Diamond
“As part of the Great Diamond Authority- I think I should be able to join whatever team I want- so I’ll be with the nice human man then”
She pats Ryan’s head
Ryan
“Oh cool”
Mia
“Okay, now that THAT’S settled- Time for the challenge, which is to make the best team name! Worst team name will be up for elimination! Go!”
Eli
“You said that so well”
Mia
“Oh stop it you”
They gaze lovingly at each other
Tina
“I want that someday”
Lily
“Saaaame-”
Will
“Also same-”
Tina looks at him
Tina
“Oh cool interesting haaa-“
Kris
“Hey guys, the challenge?”
Tina
“OH RIGHT THAT-“
Will
“Oh, maybe we should name ourselves ‘The Party’!”
Tina
“Oh I love parties and socializing with other cool teens hahaha-“
Will
“No like- in Dungeons And Dragons-“
Anne
“Dragons? Like the ones guarding princesses in castles? Are those real where you’re from?”
Will
“I- no it’s a game-“
Lily
“My mom caught a dragon once. It bit me”
Luigi
“I regularly go-kart race with a turtle dragon dinosaur thing”
Reddit
“Psh, r/thathappened”
Will
“Are you even listening to me-
Kris
“I saved the world multiple times with- a raptor, so pretty much a dragon”
Will
“Who even are you people-”
Kris
“The Party isn’t a bad name honestly, let’s go with that”
Mia
“OH BY THE WAY- once you’ve chosen your team name, kindly write it down on a slip of paper and put it in this box whoaaaa”
They snap their fingers and a table, a pile of papers, a pen, a cardboard box and a giant television screen all appear in the room. Kris quickly writes the name down on a slip of paper, walks over and tosses it in the box. The team name, along with the members’ names, appear on the screen
————————
THE PARTY
Anne Shirley-Cuthbert
Kris Dreemurr
Tina Belcher
Lily Boyer
Luigi Brothers
Reddit
Tina Belcher
Will Byers
————————
Will
“Okay cool-”
Anne
“WHOA- is magic real here? How are our names in that box thing?“
Tina
“It’s a TV screen”
Anne
“Tea Vee? What’s that?”
Lilith (in distance)
“Vee? Isn’t that Luz’s Basilisk friend?”
Cut to Lego Batman’s team
Rose Quartz
“Let’s see, does anyone have any suggestions?”
Ryan
“Ooh! We could name it after my band!”
Po
“That’s so boring, c’mon, we need something that kicks BUTT!”
Ryan
“I mean- music is pretty cool but- okay-”
Squirps
“SQURIPS HAS A SUGGESTION”
Brief silence
Lego Batman
“Are you gonna… tell us what it is?”
Squirps
“... SQUIRPS DOESN’T LIKE YOUR TONE”
Jason
“Let’s be called the Metal Crushers”
Ryan
“Ooh- I like that-”
Wheatley
“I don’t! Seeing as I’m made of metal, and you’re holding me. Bit concerning if I’m being honest-”
Lego Batman
“That’s boring anyway, we need to be called… TEAM BAT-TEAM!”
Rose Quartz
“No offense, but… no”
Lego Batman
“Oh c’mon, it’s great, you know it. Anything with the word ‘Bat’ in front of it is automatically the coolest”
Squirps
“SQUIRPS LOVES IT”
Lego Batman
“I like your spirit!”
Po
“Well I guess… put it in the box?”
Jason
“WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING THIS?! THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL”
Po
“I JUST DON’T WANNA BE YELLED AT-”
Lego Batman carves the name into the slip of paper with a batarang (to look cool) and puts it in the box. The team name appears on the screen.
————————
TEAM BAT-TEAM
Jason Moio
Lego Batman
Pink Diamond
Po
Rose Quartz
Ryan Akagi
Squirps
Wheatley
————————
Cut to Lightbulb’s team
Lightbulb
“Alright guys, what should we name our team?”
Hop Pop
“I’m gonna name this here team exactly what I name every team I’m apart of… Reliability-”
Grassy
“GRASSY!”
Hop Pop
“What!? No Baxter II, we are not naming the team Grassy!”
Lilith
“That’s not very fair to Baxter II”
Hop Pop
“Well what do you suggest?”
Lilith
“Don’t look at me!”
King Dedede
“Now hold on just a minute, I have trouble like this with my Waddle Dees all the time! Just… combine the names”
Bitsy
“I am so drunk- please elaborate”
King Dedede
“Take Hopidiah’s name, and combine it with Baxter II’s. Reliable Grassy!”
Lightbulb
“That’s a pretty good idea, Club Penguin, someone put it in the host’s box!”
Tinky winky stares at Lightbulb with his cold dead eyes and slowly walks over to the pile of paper. He writes the team name down and inserts it into the box, and the screen displays the third and final team name
————————
RELIABLE GRASSY
Bitsy Brandenham
Grassy
Hopediah Plantar
King Dedede
Lightbulb
Lilith Clawthorne
Tinky Winky
————————
Hop Pop
“That thing’s no good”
Lilith
“Not one bit”
Mia
“Ring, ring, time’s up! And by that I just mean- uh- YOU ALL FINISHED! Lets see who wins, and who loses”
They look at the screen
Mia
“The winning team goes to… THE PARTY, nice DnD reference from Will!”
The Party cheers
Lily
“I can tell we’re gonna get along great!”
Anne
“Kindred spirits!”
Mia
“Aaaand the losing team is Team Bat-Team… like, seems a bit- ego fueled”
Eli nods in agreement
Lego Batman
“PFFT, NAAAAH, SQUIRPS LIKED IT TOO”
Squirps
“SQUIRPS WAS PLAYING YOU FOR A FOOL”
Lego Batman
“WHAT?! Wait, but why?”
Squirps
“... Squirps didn’t think he’d get this far-”
Eli
“VOTING TIME! VIEWERS, VOTE USING THE POLL FOR THE CONTESTANT YOU WANT TO BE ELIMINATED! WHOEVER GETS THE MOST VOTES GOES BYE BYE!”
Mia
“And uh, thanks for checking out the first episode of TWGOCYES!”
Ryan
“What does that- even stand for-”
Mia
“Oh, The Weirdest Group Of Characters You’ve Ever Seen. It was a placeholder name but SOMEONE enjoyed it”
Eli
“Guiltyyyyy”
Ryan
“Okay cool!”
(Ends on Wednesday August 10th at 11:59 CT)
…
The contestants all look at Mia
Mia
“What-”
Lilith
“So do we just sleep here-”
Mia
“OH RIGHT- so this building is actually a big resort, everyone has their own room, and there’s a big restaurant and stuff!”
Lilith
“Wait really?! That’s splendid!”
Mia
“Yeah, head upstairs and see for yourselves!”
They snap their fingers and a large door appears, leading to a staircase. Everyone heads upstairs
Eli
“You’re such a good host”
Mia
“SHH-”
See you in TWGOCYES 2 :>