Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

— There are a lot of ways to be lost at sea. It’s not the same as being abandoned or stranded; those things happen beyond our control. Sometimes, we just take a wrong turn too close to the tide. The waters rise and sweep us away. We fight the currents for a way back, to dry land and solid ground—to each other, to normal. And when we catch our breaths, we search the shore for all that we lost, and everything we loved. For our families, for our dreams and our futures, our friends and loved ones, and for those who couldn’t swim. Sometimes being lost, is not knowing how to get from where we are, to where we want to be…where we need to be. A few choice words can sometimes be the life raft that gets you home. To be seen. To be found. Isn’t that what we’re all searching for? —

Buck had been drowning for as long as he could remember, never quite reaching the surface before being sucked back down, lost in the waves once more. He’d taken too many wrong turns, swam oceans he’d had no business swimming, all of them leading him farther away from home. He didn’t know how to get from where he was, to where he needed to be. The ocean was vast, Buck barely able to stay afloat. He was determined; never gave up. Fighting the currents was the easy part; it was keeping them at bay that gave Buck difficulty. He needed something he could tether himself to, something like an anchor—a person that wouldn’t let him wash away and fade out to sea. He needed someone like Eddie.

Leaning back into the couch some more, Buck scrolled endlessly through is phone, not looking at anything in particular, simply trying to keep his mind busy. He reached absently to rub at his leg, the one that was technically healing, but still pained him more than it probably should. It was fine though; nothing he hadn’t handled before.

He desperately wanted to go up to his bed, to lie down and properly stretch out, but he couldn’t; that would require moving from the couch and climbing the stairs, two things Buck instantly dreaded. It was why he’d been sleeping on the couch for months, even now after his leg had mostly healed. His physical therapy sessions were helping, yes, even if he hated them, but they didn’t seem to be enough; he needed therapy for his head more than his leg at this point.

As his thumb scrolled past more posts, there was an ad that caught his attention, Buck quickly scrolling back up to it. Bringing his phone up closer, Buck read the ad over a few times, thinking back to something his PT had said. ‘try getting some less strenuous activity in, say like a light jog, water aerobics, or maybe even surfing.’

The last one stood out to Buck then, even more so now, the surfing lesson ad sat right in front of him. The ad claimed that they offered surfing lessons for all, no experience required. It wasn’t like Buck didn’t have any experience with surfing—it was one of the many things he’d tried before making it to the 118—but that had been years ago, Buck never really working to perfect the craft.

The address on the ad stated that the shop was right there in town, only about a twenty-minute drive from his loft. Looking at the time, he noted it was late afternoon, Buck having slept most of the day away; it seemed to be the only time he got any decent sleep these days.

Sighing, Buck swung his bad leg off the couch first, stretching it a little before using his opposite one to help lift him from the couch, standing in place for a minute to get his legs solid on the floor. The pain wasn’t too bad today, but it was always there, like a lingering ache he could never get rid of, kind of like the one his parents had left him with—a permanent scar never meant to fade.

After making himself look halfway decent, Buck made his way to his jeep, driving on autopilot down the coast. He’d made the drive a handful of times since living in LA, though he’d never really taken the time to stop and visit. Firefighting was pretty much his life these days, Buck never feeling more in his element than when in his uniform; it was why he’d been in such a funk as of late.

As he pulled into the parking lot, Buck saw a quaint little shop, surfboards lined all around the front, a giant ‘Surf Shop’ logo sat out in front; he really hoped that wasn’t the name of the place.

Stretching his leg once more, Buck finally found the courage to exit his jeep and make his way up to the door, taking in a breath before pulling it open, a bell above him jingling.

His eyes wandered around the shop, spotting various boards, t-shirts, and surfing gear.

“Welcome in. Let me know if I can help you with anything.”

At the man’s voice, Buck looked around, not spotting anyone for a moment. When the guy finally came into view, his back to Buck, he watched closely, the man organizing stickers that didn’t seem to be out of place. Buck couldn’t help but to move closer, the guy seeming to sense him, turning to face Buck. It was like all the oxygen faded from his lungs, Buck forgetting about the pain in his leg for that split moment.

Fluffy brown hair, eyes golden like honey, a jawline that could slice right through him, skin like a warm summer day—was Buck dreaming?

“Yes, it’s really me.”

Huh?

Buck furrowed his brows before looking away from the beautiful man in front of him, adverting his them toward the ground. His injured leg made its presence then, Buck leaning more of his weight over to his right side, shifting awkwardly from side to side. He could feel the man’s intense gaze on him as he did so, Buck tensing for a second before regaining his composure and looking up to those beautiful browns once more.

“I um, I saw that you do lessons here, in the—in the ad?”

The guy looked to him as if Buck was suddenly speaking a different language, making Buck begin to question if he’d come into the right place or not. Did they even offer lessons here, or just dreamy guys Buck had only seen in magazines before?

“Yea, yes, we do. Let me get you the paperwork.”

Ok, now they were getting somewhere.

Buck gave a shake of his head, watching as the guy turned to grab some form attached to a clipboard, along with a pen. He handed them out, Buck taking them in hand, standing there awkwardly for a moment.

“Who do I uh, who should I give these to when I’m done?”

“You can give them back to me. I’m Eddie by the way, the store manager.”

Eddie huh? And the store manager? What had Buck gotten himself into?

The guy—Eddie—stuck his hand out in greeting, Buck hesitating for a moment before stepping forward, trying not to wince as his bad leg threatened to give out on him. Their hands met, Buck mesmerized at how perfectly they fit. His hand seemed to be pulled to Eddie’s like a magnet, like the current of a wave.

“Buck…you can-you can call me Buck.”

Eddie seemed to study him over for a minute, like he wasn’t quite sure what to make of a name like that; it was a little odd for people who didn’t know him, though it was better than the alternative of giving out his real name.

“Ok, Buck. Well, I’ll be right here whenever you’re done filling those out.” Eddie pointed out some of the chairs near the front, ushering Buck to sit in one. Buck gave him another nod before turning on his heel and moving toward them, relived to finally be sitting and getting some of the tension off his leg.

Buck tried to concentrate on the form in front of him, he did, but between his leg and Eddie, he couldn’t quite concentrate, his leg bouncing uncontrollably up and down, fingers fidgeting with the pen. It didn’t help that the form was a little alarming, what with having to put his real name down, and basically wave away all of his rights. It seemed all too familiar to his most recent injury. The firehouse had taken full responsibility, sure, though they still hadn’t deemed him ready to return to work, claiming that he ‘wasn’t ready.’

Bringing the pen up to his mouth, Buck tapped it against his teeth, watching from the corner of his eye as Eddie tided up more things around the shop that didn’t seem out of place. He was probably one of those people who had the fancy couch pillows, the man rearranging them just before anyone came over.

Reading the waiver over once more, Buck fought an internal battle. All he had to do was sign his life away and promise not to sue if anything bad happened to him. He’d avoided doing that with the fire station so far, and didn’t have any plans to. He hated that he couldn’t be back with his teammates, back where he belonged, but a stupid lawsuit wouldn’t help solve any of that, especially not the shit he was dealing with in his head.

Buck looked up to Eddie then, the man seeming to plaster on a smile before turning to straighten some of the surfboards on the wall. There were so many different colors and sizes, Buck fascinated by them all.  He wondered if Eddie was trying to avoid staring as much as Buck was. In hindsight, the guy probably didn’t have this instant crush on him, one that was threatening to burst out of him at any moment.

Glancing back to the form, Buck finally put pen to paper, filling out all the required forms, signing his life away at the bottom. There. No turning back now.

Standing from the chair, Buck quickly stretched his leg, grateful Eddie had his back turned to him. As he approached the counter, Buck cleared his throat, holding out the clipboard a little nervously when Eddie twisted to meet him. Eddie reached out to take it, their fingers brushing together for a few seconds too long, Buck feeling that pull once more. He tried not to let it show, a shiver running down him when their fingers pulled apart, Buck tensing for it. If Eddie noticed, he didn’t say anything.

He watched as Eddie looked the form over, Buck momentarily afraid that he wasn’t going to be approved, and that the ad wasn’t as inclusive as it’d claimed to be.

“When would you like to start? There’s an opening the day after next at eight a.m., or—”

“That sounds great.” Buck cut him off, not wanting Eddie to change his mind before they’d even gotten started; it probably wouldn’t take long for the guy to be giving up on him though—Buck was used to it by now.

“Ok, Buck. Well, I’ve got you all set for then. Have you ever surfed before?”

Every time Eddie said his name, it was like Buck forgot how to breathe, the pain in his leg seeming to dissipate.

Buck pretended to think it over, already knowing his answer. He eventually gave a shrug of his shoulders, trying to seem indifferent.

“Not really. I tried it once a few years ago, but I didn’t really know what I was doing.”

It wasn’t a lie, and he could definitely use more lessons than the five seconds he’d gotten in Peru all those summers ago.

“Alright, well we can provide the board, wax, and fin, but you should invest in a decent wetsuit, especially if you plan to do this more than a few times. Oh, and earplugs; don’t want you getting surfer’s ear.”

A wetsuit? Yea, Buck would certainly be needing that to help conceal the mess his leg was; no one wanted to see that.

Biting at the inside of his cheek, Buck shook his head in acknowledgement, noting the surfer’s ear in particular.

 “No, no we wouldn’t want that.”

There seemed to be a slight flush to Eddie’s cheeks then, the man quickly righting himself and getting back to business.

“Well, you’re all set then. Any other questions?”

Nope, none that Buck could think of. Especially not involving the current state of his leg.

“Nope, I think you got it all covered, Eddie.”

Buck saying Eddie’s name seemed to do something to the man, Buck swearing he saw the guy shiver for a second before brushing it off, nodding his head toward Buck just as casually as before.

“We’ll see you in a couple days then. Don’t forget the wetsuit.”

“I won’t. See you, uh, see you soon.”

Before Buck could say anything stupid, like telling Eddie about his leg, or how hot he was, Buck turned back on his heel, pushing the door open and letting himself back into the cool ocean air. Buck inhaled deeply, letting it fill his lungs as he tried to clear his head.

He’d had so many new starts, each either failing, or fading right into the next. Buck wasn’t sure this time would be any different, but something about it felt more significant than the others. It had little to do with the surfing lessons he’d soon be taking, and everything to do with the way Eddie had looked at him—looked at him like he mattered. Buck didn’t remember being looked at like that before, except maybe from Maddie.

~

When Buck got back to his loft, after driving around the coast and getting lost in his head, Maddie was there, sat on his couch with a bowl of cereal, milk and box still out, an extra spoon and bowl next to hers.

Buck smiled as he made his way toward her, bending to press a kiss to his sister’s head before sitting next to her, pretending his leg didn’t ache from the way the couch made it bounce.

“Thanks, Mads. You’re the best.”

She waved him off, looking him over for a moment.

“Yea well, I figured you hadn’t eaten all day. I know cereal’s not the best, but judging by your countertops, doesn’t look like you’ve been eating all that well anyway.”

Buck looked away from her, pretending to busy himself with the box of cereal, pouring the milk over it after, scooping up a large amount and shoving it into his mouth. Maddie rolled her eyes like she always did, Buck all but hearing her chastise him for his eating habits in his head. There were takeout containers spread all about the kitchen, Buck having neither the care nor energy to discard them. What did it matter when he didn’t have anything else to do anyhow?

“So, where were you today?”

Buck knew Maddie was only asking because she cared, and not because she was trying to keep tabs on him, though something about meeting Eddie made Buck want to keep it to himself. Even so, he didn’t like lying to his sister—not more than he already was.

“I uh, I went and signed up for some surfing lessons.” At the look on his sister’s face, Buck quickly added, “my PT suggested it Mads. Said it might help.”

“Oh ok. Well, that’s great then. Have you ever surfed before?”

Again, he considered lying, this time to save Maddie from feeling guilty, but he liked sharing his past when he could, especially ones that were happy memories.

“Yea, when um, when I was bartending in Peru. It was only a couple times, and I didn’t have anyone helping me, but it was fun.”

Maddie’s features softened then, her hand reaching out to pat Buck’s thigh.

“Well, I’m glad you’re trying it again. I’m sure you’ll be great at it just like everything else you do.”

Why was Maddie always so supportive of him, never giving up on Buck? He didn’t deserve it.

“Yea, I um, I think it’ll be fun.”

Buck managed not to say anything about Eddie, wanting to keep a little something to himself for now. It wasn’t like he was going to be seeing Eddie again, or very often. The guy had a shop to run, Buck almost disappointed he’d be receiving lessons from someone else. At any rate, Buck wasn’t getting the lessons so he could shamelessly flirt; he needed to get better, needed to heal.

~

The next few days went much the same for Buck, his leg still bothering him, motivation to move from the couch little to none.

It didn’t help that he hadn’t been sleeping, his insomnia worse than ever these days, visions of the truck falling on him often turning into nightmares. His insides twisted just for the thoughts.

Last night had little to do with either of those though, Buck a ball of anxious nerves knowing that he would be seeing Eddie again today, even if just for a few moments. He’d spent most of the night looking up all he could find on surfing, getting lost in several articles of swimmer’s ear in particular. It was a condition where the bone of the ear canal developed several bony growths that could eventually cause partial or complete blockage of the ear canal; he would not be getting that, thank you very much.

Buck put on his wetsuit, admiring the way it sculpted to him, hiding his insecurities; well, the ones that were visible at least. He grabbed one of his soft hoodies and sweatpants to wear over it, picking up the earplugs that he’d left next to his keys, scooping them both into hand.

As he drove down the coast, there was something about it that calmed Buck. The ocean surrounded him, breathtaking landscapes all around, not to mention the fresh air that rolled in around him; it was a drive he could certainly get used to.

He pulled into the shops parking lot as he had last time, frowning when he saw the ‘closed’ sign over the door. Had he gotten the days mixed up? He’d always been a bit skater brained, even more so as of late, but he knew he’d gotten the time and day right.

Buck limped a little on his leg as he headed toward the door, knocking a few times before confirming no one was actually there. He used his jeep to get in a few good stretches of his leg, thankful it hadn’t been too sore yet this morning.

Looking out toward the water, Buck could imagine how freeing it felt to be out there, soaring over the waves. He could almost picture Eddie out there with them, the two of them chasing the tides together, laughing while doing so. Shaking the thoughts, Buck stepped up to the shop again, cupping his hands so that he could peer through the windows, not seeing much with the lights off.

“Sorry, I went for my own session this morning before our lesson. I always lock the shop up while I’m out on the water.”

Buck turned at Eddie’s voice, his mouth all but hung open.

Eddie, the guy he hadn’t been able to get out of his head for the last forty-eight hours was going to be the one to give him lessons? Be calm Buck.

“I uh, um—you’re the one who’s gonna give me the lesson?”

Smooth Buckley, smooth.

Eddie knitted his brows together, looking around himself a little confused as if someone else was suddenly going to pop up and help him out.

“Uh yea, I own the shop and offer the lessons. Sorry, did you—were you expecting someone else?”

Buck quickly shook his head, ducking it and looking away from Eddie. The guy owned and ran the shop and gave the lessons?

“No! I um, it’s just…you said we when you were going over everything. So, I guess I just assumed that-that someone else gave the lessons.”

Well, he’d hoped anyway. How was he supposed to get through lessons with this guy and his big brown eyes ogling over him?

“Oh, I meant we as in me and my son. He’s only seven, but he makes me keep a tight ship around here.”

The guy had a kid too? Yep, Buck was done for. You might as well just push him out to sea because he was completely drowning in all that was Eddie. He couldn’t help but to smile, unable to keep his excitement at bay.

“You have a kid? I uh, I love kids.”

Eddie looked him over for a moment, surprise covering his face before he smiled softly, seeming lost in thought.

“Yea, well I love this one. I’m all he’s got.”

What did that mean? He’d known Eddie all of two seconds, though he hadn’t seen a ring on the man’s hand. Maybe he took it off for work and surfing?

“Yea well, he’s lucky to have you. I’m sure you’re a great dad.”

Shit. Why did Buck say that? He would’ve been better off asking about the wife/mom situations than telling Eddie what a great dad he was. He barely knew the man for fucks sake. Even so, Buck knew that it was true; there was something about Eddie that reeled Buck right in, his voice gentle yet firm, Buck instantly knowing his own dad wasn’t half the man Eddie was.

“Thanks. Well anyway, I’ll open up the store and grab a board for you, then we can head out. You got a wet suit under that?” Eddie gestured to the sweats and hoodie Buck was wearing, Buck snuggling into his hoodie a bit more.

“Yep, got one just like you suggested, and some ear plugs too.”

Eddie eyed him keenly for a moment, seeming impressed, Buck trying not to blush under the praise.

After unlocking the store, Eddie made his way in, Buck awkwardly following behind him. Buck watched as Eddie rifled through the boards, stopping when he appeared to find the ones he’d been looking for, grabbing two that were similar in size. Eddie also picked up two leashes, Buck recognizing the material from all of his research.

They walked down the beach together, Buck offering to take one of the boards, reveling in the feeling of the warm sand beneath him, digging his toes into it.

While Eddie busied himself with getting the boards ready, Buck pulled the hoodie over his head, followed by his pants, leaving him just in his wetsuit so that he matched Eddie. Buck caught Eddie looking him over, suddenly noticing how tight the wetsuit actually was, noting how it perfectly outlined Eddie’s frame, those muscles on display. While Buck’s had blue stripes down the sides, Eddie’s had green, something about the color bringing out those warm browns of his.

Eddie cleared his throat as he looked back up to Buck, their eyes meeting, brown holding blue.

“Ok, so first thing’s first. Are you afraid of the ocean, or water in general?”

It wasn’t something Buck had ever really considered; he’d never been around it much to feel one way or the other.

“Um, no? Not that I can think of anyway.”

“Perfect. You said you’ve done a little surfing in the past; do you remember the basics?”

Buck shrugged his shoulders. “I guess, but a refresher couldn’t hurt. I’ve um—I’ve done a lot of things since then.”

Buck had all but toured the world after taking off from his parents, not able to stand being around them for five more seconds, Maddie giving him the means to do so; he’d never looked back.

Eddie simply nodded his head, Buck unsure what to make of his silence.

Turning toward the sea in front of them, Eddie pointed his finger out, waiting for Buck to join his stance.

“I always start with wave watching. There’s a certain skill to surfing, but if you don’t know how to catch a wave, see where they’re breaking…then you’ll never truly learn.”

Buck followed the man’s gaze, watching the various surfers out on the water. Eddie pointed a few out to Buck, noting what they were doing right, and what could be better.

“Everyone has a different technique; you’ll just have to learn your own.”

Buck couldn’t wait to do so, nor could he wait to learn what Eddie’s was.

They stood there for a moment in silence, Eddie seeming lost on the waves in front of them, Buck blurting out the first thing that came to mind; he didn’t do well with silence.

“Did you know that it could take up to ten or fifteen years for symptoms of surfer’s ear to appear?”

Eddie looked over to him with a raised brow, seeming a little confused, though thankfully not annoyed; people tended to groan over his random facts, especially when he’d said one too many in a row.

“I um, I didn’t.”

“Yea, and now they can even do surgeries to remove the bone growth!”

Buck went on to tell Eddie several more random facts about swimmers’ ear, Eddie tilting his head to show he was listening, commenting every now and again. He seemed to genuinely enjoy Buck’s voice, a soft smile spreading across his lips several times throughout their conversation.

“And you should always keep your ears warm when out of the water, with like a hoodie or beanie.”

“Good to know. Just curious, but—why do you know so much about surfers’ ear?”

Buck pulled in his bottom lip then, his head tilting down toward the ground. Had Eddie already seen right through him? Was he tired of listening to Buck already?

“I um, I look up random shit at night when I can’t sleep.”

He didn’t want to reveal all of himself, but like Maddie, Buck didn’t want to lie to Eddie either.

“Well maybe when you’re having trouble sleeping one night you can help me figure out how to best teach my kid to surf. He has CP.”

Eddie wanted Buck to help him, with his kid? Buck was on it! His face immediately lit up into another smile, Buck nodding excitedly.

“Yea sure. That uh, that sounds really cool actually.”

Buck knew what he would be doing later when the inevitable insomnia kicked in.

Eddie offered a smile in thanks, Buck’s mind already racing with a million thoughts.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Buck decided to spill on some of those thoughts, carefully choosing his next words.

“What um, what happened to his mom—or, your wife?”

Ok, so maybe he wanted to know about Eddie’s marital status, sue him. He also genuinely wanted to know about his kid’s mom.

The question seemed to perplex Eddie, the man thinking it over for a moment before answering.

“She wasn’t—we were never married. I was gone all the time for competitions, and when I came back one time, she told me her mom was sick and that she wanted to go see her. She was gone the next morning, only leaving a half-assed note behind.”

Well, that was shitty. Buck almost regretted asking the question, feeling guilty for bringing up whatever bad memories were clearly associated with Eddie’s ex.

“Damn. I’m sorry man, that—that’s really shitty.”

“Yea well, she signed over full custody, so I guess there was that.”

Before Buck could ask any more questions, Eddie steered the conversation elsewhere; Buck understood, though he was still curious. Hopefully he’d get the chance to ask more questions. Something told him this wouldn’t be the last time they found themselves in deeper conversations.

“Ok, well let’s move on to the next step, the one I like to call the ‘pop-up’.”

Ooh, that sounded fun! Eddie went on to demonstrate, Buck watching as the man dropped down to the sand on his stomach before jumping back up onto his feet.  Eddie did the maneuver seamlessly, as if he’d done it a thousand times; he probably had. Buck couldn’t help but to be impressed even still.  Eddie did the movements a few more times, Buck slowly becoming more and more anxious. His leg wasn’t feeling that good.

“Can’t we just-just work on swimming out on the boards, getting used to the water?”

They could start simpler, right?

“That’s not really how it works Buck. The whole point of surfing is to stand on the board. We practice on land to get our upper body strength so that it’s easier on the water.”

“Well, I already have plenty of that.”

He hadn’t meant to be cocky, but his defenses were up, Buck ready to flee at any moment. He did not want to do this.

“How about you just do a few, then we can head out to the water?”

How about, no?

“No, I-I already know how to do that part. Can’t you just take my word for it?”

He’d never technically done it in the past, just swimming out on the board with half-ass gestures, but Eddie didn’t need to know that.

Buck couldn’t help but to shift his weight from his left leg to his right, refraining from reaching out to rub over the tender skin there. He’d been so focused on his pain and nerves, that he hadn’t noticed Eddie watching him, those browns honing in on his bad leg.

“Is there anything you wanna tell me about your leg?” Eddie questioned with a nod to his bad one, Buck trying to hide his obvious pain even more now. He hated to seem like an asshole, but this was a sensitive topic for him, one he had no idea how to deal with. Furrowing his brows together, Buck’s voice came out harsher than he’d intended.

“What are you talking about? My leg’s fine. Let’s just get on the water already.”

If they could just get out on the water, Buck could stretch it out and soak in the coolness; he would be better in seconds.

“I’m sorry Buck, but I need to know that we can do this safely, and that you’ll follow my directions once we’re out there.”

Oh, now Eddie didn’t think he could follow simple directions? He didn’t need to be treated like a baby.

 “Ok dad. What am I, seven years old or something?”

Eddie shrugged his shoulders, scanning Buck over once more.

“I mean, you are kind of acting like my kid right now when I tell him he can’t stay up late and watch tv, so…”

Nope, Buck was out of there.

“Forget it man. I don’t need you and your stupid surfing lessons anyway.”

With that, Buck stormed off, kicking up the sand as he went, ignoring the bolts of pain it sent up his bad leg as he stomped it into the ground below. He let out a heavy sigh as he came back to the pavement, grounding the heels of his hands into his eyes. God he was such an idiot.

All Eddie was trying to do was help, he knew that, but Buck had shut him out, just like he did with everyone else; it was easier that way.

Buck was in too much pain to pretend at the moment, putting the back of his jeep down so he could gingerly lift himself up onto it. He desperately wanted to remove his wetsuit to get his leg out of the tight confines, but he couldn’t; no one would want to see how broken he actually was.

Instead, he stretched it out in front of him, trying to breathe as the pain shot through him, closing his eyes as he rubbed up and down over the spot just below his knee, the part that always ached the most.

Buck could almost sense Eddie before he saw him, though he didn’t give anything away, not bothering to stop his ministrations either. Buck had already been made, even before Eddie saw him tenderly rubbing a hand over his thigh.

Eddie kept his distance, keeping a nice space between them, making himself present with a calm and neutral tone, something Buck was unused to after taking off like that.  

“Hey, if you don’t want to tell me about your leg, that’s fine. It’s none of my business. But I can’t take you out on the water if I don’t know what’s going on Buck.”

Buck didn’t know what to say, not bothering to even nod his head in answer. This was the part where Eddie gave up on him, because everyone inevitably did.

“You don’t have to decide today, but whenever you’re ready for lessons, you know where to find me. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”

Wait. Eddie was—still offering to give him lessons, even after Buck had stormed off?

“A firetruck fell on me at work. Crushed my whole leg.”

The words blurted out of him, Buck feeling a little weight off his chest for the admission.

“You’re a firefighter?”

Buck wasn’t sure why that was the part Eddie honed in on, though it did cause him to relax a little more.

“Yea. Well, at least I used to be.”

He used to be one of the best, a badass if you will; he hadn’t felt like that in a long time now.

“They won’t let you back on the job?” Eddie questioned, seeming a little sad for Buck.

Buck shrugged his shoulders, looking away from Eddie, not ready to meet the sadness he was sure lingered in those big browns of his.

“The department doesn’t think I’m ready. They want me to do some desk job bullshit for a few months.”

A desk job that he was not taking. Just the idea of it made Buck squirm. It wasn’t what he wanted to do, wasn’t what he thrived at. He refused to settle for anything less than what he’d worked so hard to attain.

Eddie cut into his thoughts, something about the guy’s voice continuously grounding him, even if Buck didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

“Can I ask what made you want to take up surfing?”

“My therapist thought it might help,” Buck answered with a shrug, quickly adding, “physical therapist, though I probably need the other kind too.” He couldn’t help but to laugh a little bitterly at the notion.

“Yea me too.”

Buck raised a brow toward Eddie, even more curious than he’d been back when they were by the water, Buck asking about Eddie’s ex. It appeared he wasn’t the only one with a shitty past.

They didn’t say anything for a moment, Buck’s head racing with jumbled thoughts once more.

“Hey, even if you can’t do the ‘pop-up’ maneuver, I can still give you lessons you know? That’s what I’m here for.”

Why was Eddie so nice to him? Buck had no idea why the guy was still talking to him, let alone why he hadn’t given up yet. Buck didn’t know what to say in answer, staring awkwardly toward Eddie instead.

“Well, I meant what I said. Whenever you’re ready, you know where to find me.”

Eddie turned on his heel, then, Buck knowing he had to say something before the man disappeared for good. He wasn’t ready to let go of Eddie; not yet.

“Hey Eddie.”

Eddie half-turned to meet him, Buck honing in on him.

“Yea?”

“Thanks, for-for not giving up on me.”

He wanted to say more, knew he needed to explain himself, but it was all he could offer. He’d parted himself out too many times to have much of anything left.

“Just remember not to give up on yourself Buck.”

Buck’s brows furrowed as he watched Eddie walk away and toward his shop, his words lingering like sand did when your toes got wet, sticking to you until you were able to brush it off. Unlike the sand particles, Buck didn’t want Eddie’s words to fade. He wanted to permanently etch them into his skin, wanted them to stay there like tan lines that would never fade.

Eddie hadn’t given up on him, hadn’t let him go. If only Buck could do the same for himself now. Just remember not to give up on yourself Buck.

Eddie had crashed into Buck’s life like a wave, Buck only hoping one day he’d learn how to surf it.

~

Naturally, Buck spent the next week after his mishap with Eddie sulking, still letting the darkness consume him.

His mind fought with wanting to see Eddie, needing to really, but the safety of his loft always won out. It wasn’t that he even particularly liked it there—it didn’t really feel like a home—but it was the one place that was his, a place where he could go away and hide when he needed to.

Of course Maddie often let herself in to check on him, Buck pretending to be annoyed by it, though he almost always enjoyed her company, Maddie being the best big sister ever. His teammates came to check on him too, even Bobby and Athena, Buck making himself seem better than he actually was, making sure to tidy up the loft before they came over.

It had officially been a week and five days since he’d seen Eddie; not that he was counting or anything. It was around the first several hours that Buck decided to channel his research binging into Eddie’s son, looking up everything there was to know about cerebral palsy, followed by physical therapy, along with famous athletes with disabilities. He was several pages deep when he remembered a book he’d read while in the hospital, Buck digging it up so he could re-read through it. There was so much information to be found, Buck soaking it all up like a sponge.

It wasn’t until it’d been well over two weeks that Buck finally got up the courage to go visit Eddie, trying not to think too much about it on his drive over. Eddie had probably forgotten about him by now anyway.

As he pulled into the lot, Buck got out and headed for the door, the chime sounding almost familiar somehow. He didn’t see Eddie, though he heard the man rustling around behind the counter, no doubt rearranging things that weren’t out of place.

About the time Eddie asked, “what’d you forget this time bud?” Buck blurted out, “have you ever heard of Jim Abbott?”

Buck winced as Eddie all but smacked his head into the counter when his head shot up from behind it. Well, that wasn’t quite how he’d planned this meeting.

“I um, I thought you were my son.”

Buck stood there with a sheepish smile, shrugging his shoulders absently.

“Nope, just me.”

Eddie gave him a once over, Buck quickly continuing on.

“So, Jim Abbott, you uh, you heard of him?”

“Sure, the baseball player. What about him?”

Eddie seemed a little puzzled by the random question, though he was a good sport, playing along, Buck eager to get to the punchline.

“Did you know he pitched a no-hitter in the 90’s?”

Eddie shook his head, waiting for Buck to go on.

“Well, that in itself is pretty crazy, but it’s even crazier if you know that Jim Abbott was only born with one hand.”

He knew he had Eddie’s attention when the man’s brow quirked a brow up; Buck was getting excited too.

“I uh, I read his book while I was in the hospital, and I remembered his story when you asked me about your kid and surfing.”

For the look on Eddie’s face, Buck couldn’t tell if it was odd that he’d remembered that, but he would take it as a plus Eddie didn’t shoo him out, only inquiring further.

“Ok, so how’d he do it?”

It seemed like Eddie wanted to ask a little more, restraining himself, Buck torn on whether to answer or wait him out. Unfortunately, Buck didn’t have that much patience.  

“He practiced switching his glove to his throwing hand relentlessly so that he could field after he pitched.”

Eddie squinched his face up, clearly wondering how this applied to his own kid, Buck going on to assure him.

“You have to adapt it to your kid, to his abilities. If your kid’s anything like you, I’m sure he’ll catch on pretty quick.”

Eddie looked up to him then with raised brows, a bashful smile spreading across Buck’s face.

So maybe while Buck was looking up other famous athletes he’d stumbled across Eddie. Apparently the guy was a pro-surfer….who knew? If Buck got a little carried away, reading every article he could find, zooming in on those toned abs, saving videos to his favorites, well, that was between him and his web history.

“Ok, so I might’ve…looked up a few of your videos. Just to uh, just to see how surfing works.”

“Yea, because you couldn’t have looked up any of the other hundreds of professional surfers that are out there?”

Well Buck couldn’t exactly deny that, his fingers tapping anxiously at his sides.

“I um, I didn’t just come here to tell you that. I-I think I’m ready now.”

Buck had contemplated over what he would say to Eddie when they saw each other again, using his research binge as an excuse to get himself in front of the man. Now that he was there, it felt like revealing too much of himself, Buck settling his weight onto his right side once more, Eddie seeming to debate his answer.

“Ok sure. I don’t have any openings until the day after next though. Say ten a.m.?”

Buck was mildly disappointed that they couldn’t go out tomorrow, or even right now, quickly changing his frown to a half-smile, nodding his head acceptingly; he was just grateful Eddie had agreed to take him on again at all.

“Yea sounds good. I’ll uh, I’ll see you then Eddie.”

Buck decided to leave things at that, turning to leave the store, stopping and twisting back around when Eddie called out to him.

“Hey Buck.”

“Yea?”

Eddie glanced up and down Buck’s stature, Buck feeling completely laid bare under the mans gaze, especially when Eddie looked right into his eyes, settling his stare there.  

“I’m glad you came back.”

As a soft sort of shy smile began to spread across his face, Buck quickly ducked his head, answering Eddie back.

“Yea uh, yea me too.”

When Buck turned toward the door again, something caught his eye, his hand reaching out on instinct. Picking up the frame, Buck stared at the photo in wonder. It was one of Eddie with a silver medal, one he’d won at the Olympics; you could say Buck was impressed. Holding it up to the wall in front of him, Buck nodded to himself, tilting his head back toward Eddie. “This would look perfect here.”

Eddie looked from Buck to the photo, swallowing a little thickly before answering.

“Yea, yea maybe one day.”

Buck furrowed his brows, looking Eddie over, but didn’t press the issue; he knew all about having a past that he’d rather not discuss.

Setting the photo back where he’d found it, Buck looked over to Eddie once more.

“Until next time, Eddie.”

“See you soon, Buck.”

They shared another lingering look before Buck headed out, feeling Eddie’s eyes on him the entire way. Eddie seemed like a fairly chill and relaxed guy, Buck slowly gathering there were more layers to him, one’s Buck wanted to pull back and look through thoroughly. For now, Buck would take whatever Eddie was willing to give, hoping he could give even half of himself to Eddie in turn.

~

Soon hadn’t come soon enough, Buck all but wearing a hole into his hardwood with his pacing. A whole day between their next meet had Buck buzzing with energy, all but bursting out his door when the day of his next lesson came.

They weren’t meeting until ten in the morning, Buck dressed in his wetsuit and ready to go by seven a.m. He grabbed breakfast to kill time, driving around the coast hoping to whisk away some of the nerves, finally arriving at the beach just before ten. Buck parked his jeep in its usual spot, deciding to head down toward the water to wait for Eddie instead of barging into the store again.

He used the extra minutes to stretch his leg out, hoping that it would behave itself today. He hated taking pain killers, though he’d taken a few that morning, not wanting anything to get in his way today, especially his pesky leg injury.

It was almost becoming a habit now, Buck all but sensing Eddie, turning to see that fluffy hair of his blowing in the wind, Buck’s fingers tingling to reach out and smooth it down. Next to Eddie was the most adorable kid Buck had ever seen, red-rimmed glasses over his face, crutches at his sides.

When they got close enough, Buck bent to the boys’ level so that he could reach his hand out for a proper greeting.

“Hi, I’m Buck. I can see where your dad gets his good looks from.”

Chris giggled as Buck’s eyes found Eddie’s, a slight blush creeping up the man’s cheeks.

“Is Buck your real name?” Christopher asked curiously, Buck chuckling for it, Eddie seeming like he wanted to chastise his kid.

“Yea. Kind of cool, huh?”

Chris nodded his head. “Yea like I’m Christopher, but I like people to call me Chris.”

If they both had nicknames, Eddie needed one too, right?

“Well alright then Chris. What nickname should we give your dad?”

Chris pondered this for a second, Buck doing to do the same, all while Eddie stood there looking between the two of them suspiciously.

“Well, let’s see. Eddie’s gotta be short for what, Eduardo?”

It seemed like the logical answer to Buck, Eddie shaking his head while Chris called out the answer.

“Edmundo!”

Edmundo. Buck tried it out in his head, not letting the name pass his lips just yet; something told him that the way Buck preferred not to be called his given name, Eddie did too.

Thinking it over for a moment, Buck suddenly had it.

“Oh, I’ve got it!” Buck crouched down to whisper in Chris’ ear, sending the kid into a laughing fit; the sound warmed Buck wholly.

Eddie pretended to be unamused, folding his arms together over his chest.

“Alright, let’s hear it.”

With another glance to Chris, Buck finally stood back to his full stature, Eddie’s eyes wandering the length of him as he did so.

“How about, Ed-board-o. You know, because you surf?”

Eddie gave this sort of fond eyeroll, one that made Buck’s heart flutter a little.

“Alright kids, that’s enough nicknames for today. Let’s get to it, shall we?”

Chris’ face lit up in delight, a shy smile passing Buck’s lips. He couldn’t believe he was out here with Eddie again, the man having brought his son along too; Buck couldn’t wait to get started.

They followed Eddie closer to the shoreline, the three of them stopping in a row.

“Ok, so first thing we want to do is lay on our bellies and practice paddling with our hands and arms.”

Buck obliged easily this time, dropping his body down to the ground, watching as Eddie moved to help Chris do the same. Once they were in position, Eddie told them to spread their arms outward, and to pretend like they were pushing water away from them. Buck did as instructed, Eddie reaching over now and again to correct his form, Buck trying to keep from drifting toward the man. Even with the wetsuit, Buck’s skin tingled under Eddie’s touch, his face no doubt flushing red.

“Did you know that surfing is great for kids with CP because it can help improve their range of motion and strengthen their upper-body and core muscles?”

Buck had never been great at subtly, always blurting out whatever came to mind; Eddie didn’t seem to mind. Chris smiled from ear to ear, a soft look spreading over Eddie’s face. There, Buck had used his research to bring smiles to both their faces; his work was done.

Once they’d mastered the paddling part, Eddie showed them both the pop-up maneuver, Buck not missing the way Eddie looked over to him out of the corner of his eye. Buck didn’t say anything, waiting until Eddie turned his attention back to Chris, helping his kid get into formation.

Buck tested out his knee, bending it up while putting a little weight on it, elated when a bolt of pain didn’t shoot through him. He could do this.

Just as he began to press into the sand, his knees bending correctly, Chris hollered out, “you did it Buck!” There was a bit of pain as he did the ‘hopping’ part, Buck pushing through it, relived when he landed on his feet. He looked over to Eddie, their eyes meeting in an instant, Buck giving a slight nod of his head. It was the only way he knew how to say thanks, Eddie seeming to understand, easily offering his own nod in turn.

They worked on pop-ups for a bit longer before Eddie decided it was time to try it out on their boards. Buck stayed with Chris while Eddie quickly raced back up shore to retrieve the boards he’d left their earlier. With the boards laid into the sand, Eddie had them practice the same two maneuvers, but with the board beneath them this time. When Eddie finally deemed them ready to try things out on the water, Buck was both relieved yet eager, Chris looking to be much the same.

Eddie stayed next to them, watching as they both used their new-learned skills, Buck and Chris paddling out with their arms, swiping at the water as they went.

“Ok, I want you guys to watch the waves, watch how they form and move in and out; it’ll help you gage when to take them on.”

The three of them sat in a row on their boards, Eddie between the two of them. Buck watched for a moment as the waves crashed into one another, tracking the one he wanted to take. He turned toward Eddie, just waiting, Eddie seeming to sense his eyes on him, twisting toward him.

“I wanna test one out.”

Eddie nodded, giving Buck the go ahead. Buck got into crouching position, excited to show off all he’d learned, watching as the waves rolled by. In this position, his leg burned, Buck instantly regretting his eagerness; he hated disappointing Eddie. The perfect one came barreling by, Buck barely considering it before letting it pass by, settling back onto his board, one leg hanging off each side.

“It’s ok Buck, you’ll get the next one”, Chris said encouragingly, giving Buck a thumbs up.

Buck turned to look at Chris, giving him a soft smile.

“Thanks bud.”

Just as Buck had stated, Eddie was a great dad, Chris a loving and sweet kid.

They stayed on the water for a while longer, Buck watching Eddie help Chris to gain his balance, the boy sitting on the board, watching as the waves went by. Buck didn’t try to get up again, and Eddie didn’t push him, only encouraged him to keep practicing his paddling; it didn’t seem like much, but it was something, Eddie still refusing to give up on him.

When they finally got back to shore, Chris’ stomach rumbled, along with Buck and Eddie’s.

“Buck, you should have lunch with us!”

Oh, Buck would love that!

“Uh, Chris I’m not sure if—” Eddie began, Buck cutting him off with, “I’d love to buddy. If-if that’s ok with your dad?”

Eddie only shrugged his shoulders, not seeming to find a reason to say no. They walked together toward the store, Eddie hitching his thumb out in front of him once they’d reached the edge of it.

“You can follow us up. I usually just leave my truck here.”

Buck furrowed his brows, not quite understanding until he followed where Eddie’s thumb was pointed.

“You uh, you live on the beach?”

“Yea, is that-that, ok?”

Was that ok? Just add it to the list of things that made Eddie way too cool for him.

“It’s fuc—fricken awesome man!”

Buck caught himself at the last minute, Eddie huffing out a laugh.

“Well, c’mon then, let’s go.”

~

The entire walk up to the beach house had Buck on alert, his body and eyes moving from side to side as he tried to take it all in.

There was sand and gravel leading up to it, the house itself a little off the beaten path and away from others. It was nothing too big, though it looked magnificent to Buck all the same. There was a small wooded bridge they had to cross to get to it, one that seemed to have been pressed into the sand over the years, mostly for decoration these days. Buck found it cool all the same, letting his bare feet thud against it as they went. Apart from the house itself, there was a balcony that Buck could only imagine the view from, a little shed below where Buck guessed Eddie kept all of his surfing gear.

Once inside, Buck looked around at everything there was to see, which, there was a lot. Trophies and photos lined the walls, Buck refraining from reaching out to touch them all, letting his eyes wander instead. Christopher showed Buck to all his artwork on the fridge, most of it being Eddie and his surfboard, Chris close by. They were both adorable and well done, Buck admiring each one. There was something about this place, something that felt like home; Buck yearned to have something like that.

“Ok, let’s go get changed bud, then we can get some lunch going.”

It was about that time Buck realized what he was wearing, reaching down to rub his fingers over his wetsuit.

“I can just run back down to—”

Eddie quickly waved him off.

“C’mon, I’m sure I’ve got something you can borrow.”

Borrow Eddie’s clothes? Buck didn’t really seem to have another option—not that he really wanted one—quickly moving to follow Eddie down the hallway and into the bedroom. Eddie rummaged through his dresser before producing a set of clothes for Buck, handing them out, Buck feeling the draw toward him once more as their fingers brushed together.

Buck was about to thank Eddie when his eyes caught sight of the clothes, his insides instantly tightening. Eddie had given him shorts, shorts that would show off his leg and all his ugly scars.

“Uh, do you have sweats? I um, I’m kind of cold.”

It was a complete lie with the warm summer day, Eddie seeming to read right through it, but not pushing the issue.

“Yea, sure thing.”

Taking the shorts back from him, Eddie found Buck a pair of sweats, handing them off, their fingers hovering together yet again.

“You can use my bathroom. I’ll take the one down the hall.” Eddie motioned with a flick of his hand.

Realizing their fingers were still pressed together, Buck quickly pulled his away, clearing his throat as he went.

“Uh yea, thanks Eddie.”

Eddie left him to it, Buck making his way into the bathroom to change, thankful to get out of the wetsuit, grateful Eddie had given him a pair of pants without any questioning. Pulling on the clothes, Buck couldn’t help but to breathe in Eddie’s scent, some mix of body wash and sea salt filling his nostrils, Buck sinking right into it.

As he came back down the hall, he spotted Chris sat in one of the chairs, Eddie stood at the counter, making some kind of sandwich.

“We’re having pb & j’s Buck!”

Oh yes, those were one of his favorites!

Eddie all but dropped the knife as he looked up to Buck, taking him in. Buck would’ve felt a little self-conscious if not for the warmness in Eddie’s eyes, a soft smile spreading across his lips.

Buck sidled up next to Christopher at the table, nodding his head in approval.

“Those are my favorite. My sister used to make them for me all the time.”

When they were kids, they’d had to fend for themselves a lot, Maddie teaching Buck to make all sorts of things. They would often add chips or bananas to their pb & j’s, but Buck was just as happy to have a plain one, especially knowing Eddie had made it just for him.

The sandwich was delicious, the three of them eating them all gone, Buck and Eddie even having a second, a bowl of grapes shared between them. With their bellies full, Chris grabbed up a box of crayons along with some sheets of paper, handing one out to Buck. As Eddie busied himself with cleaning up the kitchen, Buck sidled up next to Chris, following the boys lead, adding his own little touch.

They both drew hearts, Buck’s with little smiley faces inside of them, Eddie hanging both of them on the fridge with a certain fondness, Buck smiling a little giddily for it; his parents had never bothered to hang up any of his drawings when he was a kid.

Chris headed out to the living room then, Buck watching as he laid onto the couch, turning on cartoons, passing out almost immediately. Just as Buck suspected, there were several throw pillows on the couch, Buck wondering how much Eddie’s insides were stirring, wanting to go rearrange them now that Chris had messed them up.

Buck’s attention drifted away as Eddie ushered him out onto the balcony, grabbing two beers as he went. The view from the balcony was even more spectacular than Buck could’ve ever imagined. The ocean was sat just below them, the waves rolling in and out, crashing into one another, a cool breeze blowing through the warm summer air. It was certainly a sight Buck would never get used to, along with the way Eddie was stood close by his side, the two of them leaned over the railing, shoulders knocking together with their close proximity. They cheered their beers before taking back sips, resting their hands atop the railing after.

There was something about all of this that was a little too calming for Buck. Instead of pushing it away, he leaned into it, letting Eddie’s presence ground him.

“So, how do you feel after your first official lesson?”

Buck tipped his beer bottle from side to side, watching as the liquid sloshed against the edges.

“It was good, yea. I um, I’d say you’re a pretty good teacher.”

“Yea? I’ve had a few years practice I guess.”

They shared a laugh, Buck letting out a little more of his curiosities.

“I’d say going to the Olympics and holding three state titles makes you pretty qualified.”

Eddie didn’t seem like one who tended to brag about his winnings, keenly eyeing Buck before answering.

“You been doing your research on me Buckley?”

Buck gave a shrug of his shoulders before a more serious look spread across his face. Wait—what did Eddie just call him?

“How did you—oh, my paperwork.”

Buck had had to put his full name on his waiver paperwork, the ones Eddie had no doubt looked over; it was a part of his job Buck supposed.

“Yep, the secret of where your nickname came from has been revealed. Though I’m glad your actual name isn’t Buck Buckley.

Buck couldn’t help but to duk his head with a shy laugh; Eddie seemed to have that effect on him.

“Yea uh, I don’t-don’t really like my first name.”

It wasn’t something he really liked to talk about, nor dwell on, Eddie thankfully picking up on that, moving their conversation along.

“How’s your leg feeling?”

Ok, Buck didn’t really want to talk about that either.

He found himself looking down to his leg before he could think better of it, rubbing his hand over it like his leg had somehow disappeared in the moments since he’d last touched it; sometimes he wished it would.

“Yea, it’s-it’s good.”

It wasn’t the full truth, and he knew Eddie knew that, but Eddie didn’t push, letting his answer slide once more.

“Good. Well, hey, thanks again for letting my kid hang out with us today. I just know he’s going to talk about this for weeks.”

Buck’s face lit up again at hearing about Chris, his fingers moving to fidget with the label on the bottle. He’d barely noticed the difference of having Chris there, the kid fitting right in with them, almost like the three of them belonged together somehow.

“Anytime. I mean, feel free to bring him out whenever. You’ve got a great kid Eddie.”

“Thanks. That-that really means a lot Buck. I don’t have a lot of support out here, and my abuela and tía can’t watch him for me all the time. I’ve tried to get a health home-aid but the paperwork’s a nightmare.”

Buck was suddenly caught in a memory, one that took him back to last year. He quickly shook it off, not wanting to let it cloud his head more than it already had. He threw a smile Eddie’s way, hoping to reassure the man.

They stayed out there for what felt like hours, Buck filling the silence whenever a thought came to mind, finding Eddie’s presence enough for the most part. Being pressed close to Eddie, the waves crashing below them, Buck felt like he could breathe easier for the first time in months, not feeling like he was constantly sinking down to the bottom.

 When it was time for him to head out, Chris woke enough to ask for a hug, one Buck easily gave. Eddie led him to the door after, the two of them standing there a little awkwardly.

“Thanks for today, for the lessons, and the food, and uh,” Buck plucked at Eddie’s t-shirt, a tiny smile falling off his lips. “And these. I’ll um, I’ll be sure to return them.”

He wanted to keep Eddie’s clothes forever, and would surely be wearing them to bed, letting the softness and lingering scent comfort him.

“Don’t worry about it. I think we’ll be seeing each other plenty.” Buck’s eyes widened a little at that, Eddie quickly following it up with, “um, you know, for the-the surf lessons.”

Buck let a chuckle fall of his lips, Eddie doing the same, Buck committing the sound to memory.

“Well, it’s a date then—the uh, the surf lesson, I mean.”

“Yea Buck, it’s a date.”

Buck tried not to let Eddie’s words go to his head, replaying them over and over again as he drove home with the windows down, letting in the cool ocean air.

Surf lessons or not, something was telling Buck he and Eddie would be seeing a lot of each other, Buck having something to look forward to for the first time in months. If Chris came along too, well that would just be a bonus. He was looking forward to getting to know both the Diaz boys a little more.

~