Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first few years of Eddie's life were quiet. He knew he had a soulmate, he still heard the things that most people heard at some point in their life, nursery rhymes at preschool, music lessons once a week and that sort of thing. But there was never any other sort of music playing behind his eyes. No lullabies, no radio, no records. It broke Eddie's heart a little, because either his soulmate hated music, or they didn't have access to it and he couldn't figure out which was worse. 

Music was a constant in his life, he drowned out the real world with metal, and when people judged him for it he found louder and stronger music to fight back with. Even when he couldn't have anything playing, he could feel it thrumming in his bones, shaking him until it came out his fingertips to tap on the table or up his throat to hum a particular melody or solo that had been caught in his head. He could never seem to stop himself, even if people ask him to, even when they threatened him.

His soulmate did eventually start listening to music, nothing good, admittedly. But at first he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was lucky enough to have a soulmate in the first place so he didn't really think he had the right to complain. Maybe he could convert them anyway, there didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to their music choices, no definitive style just what was popular at the time. 

There was a pattern to it eventually though, Eddie noticed as he grew into his teens, the music was most prominent in the evenings. Mostly Fridays and Saturdays, endless reams of the same trash circling round and round. The kind of music he heard when he sold. The kind of music at parties. His soulmate was popular.

It was a blow. And Eddie could look back now and admit that he was probably being overdramatic at the time (when wasn't he really?) but the idea that his soulmate wasn't this kind and accepting person he'd imagined them as but instead one of the assholes who made his life torture was devastating. He wondered dryly if his soulmate was a guy, wondered which of the festering swarm that followed him around with slurs and bigotry was actually a big fat hypocrite.

Then something changed. Like all of a sudden the weekly parties stopped but somehow the music didn't. His soulmate, who never seemed to put on music of their own volition all of a sudden would not stop playing music. It still wasn't good by any means but it was almost constant. Tears for Fears, ABBA, pretty much anything they could get their hands on played on repeat morning, noon and night. Like they were filling the silence, like they were drowning something out. The only time music didn't seem to be playing was when Eddie played music. Whenever he put a record on, or played his guitar or had a gig the music in his head would stop. It was as if his soulmate was listening to him, really listening to his music and it made him ache. It feels so different to how they used to be. He wondered if his soulmate would listen to him talk as well as listen to his music, like no one else could be bothered to. He sort of thought they would. 

Eddie started playing for them. Maybe at first it was more for his sake than for theirs, pretending he had on devoted listener but before he started playing, the music in his head would run late into the night, and was often the first thing he heard in the morning. Now, when he finished his evenings with guitar solos and complicated riffs he had noticed that the music didn't start again. Like his soulmate had fallen asleep to the sound of his playing, it made his cheeks flush with a warmth that also settled in his stomach. It made him feel useful in a way that nothing had in a long time.

Very occasionally, with no warning, the music would stop for a day or two. Eddie played a lot during those days, quieter than usual but hoping that the notes helped fill the silence while his soulmate dealt with whatever or whoever was keeping them away from their music. He didn’t want them to have to go back to the silence of their childhood.

…

It happened again, in 1986. The music stopped but this time there was nothing Eddie could do about it. He didn't have his guitar, didn't have a Walkman, didn't even dare hum as he lay curled up in the bottom of the boat. He apologised in his head over and over, to his soulmate, to Chrissy, as tears slipped down his cheeks. He was useless. 

It was too quiet until it wasn’t. Until he was suddenly surrounded by people who wanted to help him. Dustin Henderson, Robin Buckley and Steve Harrington of all people. He was surprised to see him when he had a bottle pressed up against his neck, but even more surprised when he noticed how immediately different he was. This wasn’t the same King Steve that Eddie had spent years avoiding at school. He was quiet and sombre as Robin rubbed his back once Eddie had released him. He looked nothing like before either, dark circles under his eyes, lips pressed into a thin line. Hell, even his hair looked unkempt. Steve "the hair" Harrington, with bad hair, was unprecedented.

"Is he always like this?" He muttered to Dustin, nodding to where Steve had his head pressed into Robin's shoulder, surely Eddie hadn’t been able to startle him that bad. Dustin shook his head,

"No, not at all. His soulmate went quiet yesterday and after what you said about Chrissy I think he's worried something has happened to them," Eddie winced, he knew the feeling. Then a horrible idea occurred to him,

"You don't think- you don't think Chrissy was his soulmate do you?" He whispered, but Dustin just shook his head again,

"He knew Chrissy a bit in school, said she never listened to the kind of music his soulmate likes," 

"What kind of music does he hear?" Eddie asked a little curiously, in his head he kind of assumed that Steve's soulmate would be the exact type to listen to the pop that Chrissy probably liked, but then he was assuming that about Chrissy too wasn't he?

"He's never actually told us, most I've ever got out of him is that it's not mainstream, whatever that means," Eddie looked at Steve again with renewed interest, he felt a pang of sympathy at the worried crease in his brow and wondered if his own soulmate was making a similar expression at the thought of him right now.

Probably not.

… 

"It was a real Ozzy move you pulled back there," Eddie knew it was a stupid compliment the moment it left his mouth, it's wasnt like Steve Harrington of all people was going to know who - 

"Ozzy Osborne? Really?" Steve looked back at him with the closest thing to a smile he had seen yet. He almost looked pleased with himself. Eddie almost tripped over his own feet,

"Wait, you know who he is?" He gaped at the man before him who flushed a little under the scrutiny,

"Black Sabbath, right?" He said, sounding a little more unsure of himself,

"Yeah, holy shit Harrington do you listen to metal?" 

"Um, sort of?" He mumbled, watching his feet as they walked, "my soulmate listens to it, and I really like it. But I don't know what anything is called or where to start looking for it so I usually just let them take the reins," his eyes glazed over as he spoke and somehow Eddie could tell that he wished he could hear his soulmate then. That was something he could understand,

"Your soulmate has good taste Harrington," He grinned, "Didn't have you pegged as a metal fan though," 

"It's... loud?" He shrugged, making Eddie bark out a laugh, "I mean, it's unapologetic. Its passionate and not afraid to be itself. Takes up the space it needs. I guess I like to think that my soulmate is the same way," it was a deeper response than Eddie had been expecting and he stared at Steve a little awestruck,

I wish he was my soulmate, the thought dashed across his brain before he could stop it and he mentally slapped himself for it. He didn't want Steve Harrington as a soulmate, didn't even know him really. He was probably just hoping that his own soulmate had similar views on metal to Steve. Yeah, that sounded right.

"That's a good reason to like it, even if you don't know much about it," He paused for a second, "if you're struggling to get started, I could help you out? When we get out of here, I mean," 

"Would you really?" Steve looked at him again, eyes shining,

"Yeah sure, what metalhead would pass up the opportunity to induct golden boy Steve Harrington into the world of metal?" He teased, cackling slightly as Steve shoved him with a smile on his face. 

…

The next time he felt the familiar feeling of music in his head, Eddie was standing on the roof of his trailer, wailing out Master of Puppets into the Upside Down. He couldn't hear anything but the sounds of his own music though, perhaps they were playing something really quiet that he couldn't make out? Either way the feeling fueled his performance, his soulmate was out there listening. 

…

Silence prevailed as Eddie slipped from consciousness. The sound of Dustin's sobs faded away and Eddie wished more than anything that he could hear his soulmate now. Shit, he'd settle for the worst of their music tastes just to know they were alive and ok. He thought he could die peacefully knowing they were going to live. God, he was going to die. He was going to die here in the Upside Down before he's even met his soulmate, they won't even know why he's gone quiet. He apologised to them again and again into the emptiness, mourning their silence and his.

"Don't you fucking dare," his stomach dropped and his sides erupted in pain, gasping as he was pulled back into consciousness. He could see the blurry form of Steve Harrington above him, "you're not allowed to die Eddie. Not when I've just realised- not when you still owe me that music lesson. OK?" He almost seemed to be muttering to himself. 

What an odd reason to save a guy, Eddie managed to think before the pain yanked everything away again. 

…

Music thrummed softly in his skull, a soundtrack to the blurry dips in and out of sleep. Not Sleep was categorised with music and blinding light and white. Sleep was fuelled by darkness and silence. It helped him split what was real and what wasn't. At first all Eddie could do was listen, to the music, to murmuring voices that sounded like his friends. Eventually, he could pick them out individually, all his little sheep were there at some point, Robin and Nancy too. There were some voices he didn't recognise as well, still soft and kind though so he couldn't bring himself to mind.

Head Over Heels was playing the first time Eddie managed to open his eyes. It was dark, which helped, and he realised with a pang that his soulmate was yet again filling the silence of the night with music. He wished he had his guitar to play them to sleep but it wouldn't have mattered if he did, he could barely move his fingers where they lay on the sheets. There was a figure in the room with him, he realised belatedly, folded over in a chair. Whoever it was looked like shit, Eddie couldn't make out much but a messy head of hair, rumpled clothes and a Walkman pressed over their ears. He wondered if that was a requirement for their group now, if everyone was under music lockdown for fear of Vecna. He hoped not. Eddie turned his head squinting at the figure to try and make out who it was. The sheets rustled as he moved and the figure immediately snapped upright, hands going the headphones on his head, clutching them with wide eyes. Eddie stared back in shock as Steve Harrington panted above him. The hands on the Walkman flexed as his expression softened,

"Eddie..." his voice was rough and low in the night, and Eddie managed to give him a pained smile before sliding back to sleep. 

The music stopped after that. It was concerning, sure, but Edie was awake a lot more which meant that there were more distractions to stop him thinking about it. The kids came by every day, sometimes with Robin and Nancy but always with Steve. Steve, who looked far better than he had on that first night but was still quiet and fidgety, Eddie wondered if his soulmate was still silent.

"Does anyone know what happened to my guitar?" Eddie asked one afternoon, several days into his recovery. He meant for it to sound nonchalant, he wasn’t sure it did. Dustin beamed at him,

"Steve's got it. Insisted on bringing it back through the gate even though he was carrying you at the same time," Dustin explained, shooting Steve a pointed glance at the same time that Eddie couldn't quite understand. Maybe Steve didn't either since he elected to ignore the glance in favour of smiling softly at Eddie,

"You can come grab it when you're out of here," He offered apologetically, "I would've brought it to you earlier but I'm pretty sure it would be confiscated," 

"Yeah, sounds good man. Thanks for looking after her," 

"She means a lot," Steve shrugged as if he hadn't just read Eddie's mind, as if he actually knew how important the guitar was to him. How many memories did he have with that guitar? Playing her on stage or during his even more intimate concerts for his soulmate. How on earth had Steve had the forethought to pick her up even as Eddie had been bleeding out in his arms? 

… 

The only way he could think to pay Steve back is to fulfil his request from the Upside Down. The moment he was back in his trailer he gathered the supplies, pen, paper, tapes. He apologised to his soulmate in advance as he set to work on making a mixtape for Steve, knowing he wouldn't retrieve his guitar until it was done. Sure, he couldn't play to them for another couple of days while he sorted the mixtape, but if it hadn't been for Steve he wouldn't be able to play for them at all so it only seems fair. His soulmate still wasn’t playing much music, but given that he's got metal on 24/7 trying to pick out the best songs for Steve he hoped it was because they were listening to him instead. He'd missed that, the easy balance of their music soothed his nerves in the aftermath of the chaos. He hoped he would get to meet them soon, the universe owed him that. 

… 

Two days of obsessive concentration later and Eddie was standing at Steve's door, doorbell ringing and tape clutched inside his pocket. Why was it so important? Why was Steve so important all of a sudden? Eddie thought back to the weeks in hospital where Steve never missed a day, thought about the guitar stashed in the house in front of him and not for the first time wondered what he did to deserve the sort of attention Steve had been quietly placing on him in the background. 

The door swung open and said Steve greeted him with a smile,

"Hey, you here for your baby?" He grinned, Eddie was ashamed to admit it took him a second to realise he was talking about the guitar,

"Uh, yeah. If you're free," he cleared his throat,

"Yeah, of course. Come in," he stepped backwards into the house and immediately beckoned Eddie to follow him up the stairs, "I'm surprised you waited so long to come and get her," Steve said over his shoulder,

"Yeah me too, but I guess I wanted to give you something in exchange for saving her so I've been working on that," Steve turned back to look at him as he reached the top of the stairs,

"You really didn't have to, I was happy I could save her, honestly," he pouted a little, hands on his hips and it made Eddie laugh,

"Don't worry, it's something I promised you anyway," he took the tape out and wiggled it, "musical education right?" 

"Oh, right," Steve said with a smile, his eyes glued to the tape as he opened the door, "well let's reunite you with your other half first, yeah?" The door opened and Eddie could practically hear the angelic choir singing as he laid eyes on the guitar, propped up on a chair. He noticed with surprise that not only was his battle vest hanging on the chair, but that both it and the guitar had been cleaned, free of Upside Down grime and blood. Another one of Steve's quiet little gifts,

"You cleaned them," he asked looking back at Steve who had the gall to look bashful at the comment,

"Yeah, I've gotten pretty good at getting hell gunk off stuff after four years of it. I usually end up washing everyone's clothes afterwards so their parents don't notice," he shrugged, again like it was nothing. Eddie ran his fingers across the strings, feeling them hum under his touch,

"Thank you Steve. It really means a lot," 

"It was really no problem," 

"I used to play for my soulmate in the evenings, felt like I was playing them to sleep. Haven't been able to do that in a while," He admitted, looking at the shiny surface of the deck instead of Steve,

"I'm sure they'll be glad to hear it again," Eddie thinks he heard a smile in Steve's voice,

"Is yours still quiet?" He asked softly, looking back at where Steve had sat himself on the bed,

"No, they started playing music again in the Upside Down. Helped me get through the fight with Vecna, knowing they were out there," he was smiling, soft and warm as he looked at Eddie, 

"Well, you can return the favour by listening to this," he threw the mixtape at Steve who grabbed it out the air and proceeded to stare at it reverently, eyes scanning the track list before turning it over and over in his hands,

"You going to play it?" Eddie laughed, still a little bewildered by this metal loving version of Steve 

"Um, not yet? I kinda wanna see what my soulmate thinks of it first," 

"Oh," why was he disappointed? Of course Steve wants to share it with his soulmate first, "you... know who your soulmate is then?"

"Yeah I know who he is," he was still smiling but it didn't quite reach his eyes,

"What's wrong then? He's not your type?" Eddie tried to laugh but it didn't really come out,

"I guess I'm more worried I'm not his type," He said, fiddling with the tape, and Eddie wondered where the confident King Steve of years past had gone, he also wondered if it was possible not to find Steve attractive but he wasn't about to say that,

"He's your soulmate Steve, of course he'll like you," Eddie reassured, Steve looked down at the tape,

"I'll find out soon enough I guess," he sighed 

… 

Eddie was halfway home when he found himself slamming the breaks and pulling over on the side of the road. His soulmate was playing something and it had only taken about two notes of the song for Eddie to recognise it. His heart thrummed in his chest to the beat of the drums, erratic and loud. It had to be a coincidence, right? That his soulmate was playing the first song on the mixtape he had just given to Steve? He tried to breath, forehead pressed to the steering wheel. There was a chance that his soulmate would suddenly start playing metal that just happened to match the set list he had given to someone else, he tried to reason but it was like someone had hit a switch in head. Lighting up a pinboard in his head covered with little snippets of the past few weeks.

"His soulmate went quiet yesterday," Dustin had said, how had he missed that? How had he missed that Steve's soulmate went quiet exactly when he had? 

"My soulmate listens to it," He really should have known then, he remembered the way Steve had praised metal for being open, how he hoped his soulmate was the same. Shit. 

"You're not allowed to die Eddie, not when I've just realised-'' realised what? Had Steve known all the way back then? Eddie wondered as the words floated to the surface in his head. God how many moments were there? Steve by his bedside, Dustin's pointed look when he mentioned the guitar, did Dustin know? 

"She means a lot," Steve had said, not she means a lot to you, just, she means a lot. As if the guitar meant something to Steve as well, as if it had been playing him to sleep for years. Four of them to be exact,

"I've gotten pretty good at getting hell gunk off stuff after four years of it." And didn’t that just make Eddie want to cry? The thought of Steve drowning out the fear of the world underneath them all that time with music, the thought that Eddie had been helping him all along without realising it. 

"I'm sure they'll be glad to hear it again," Eddie's stomach went warm at the thought, Steve was glad to hear him play, Steve had missed him playing. 

Eddie had the car turned around just as the second song flickered into his head to fully confirm his suspicion. Steve was his soulmate. Why hadn't he told him? Back at the hospital or even at his house minutes ago? Why in the ever loving fuck hadn't he said anything? Eddie cursed as he tore back down the road in the opposite direction, it wasn't until the third song hit that he remembered Steve's anxious smile, 

"I'm more worried I'm not his type," the words made Eddie's foot press even harder on the gas, the thought of Steve pacing anxiously to the very songs he had wanted him to enjoy goading him into driving faster than he probably should have been. 

He pulled back into the driveway in record time, slamming his door behind him as he marched his way up to Steve's door as fast as his injured sides would allow him, knocking on it impatiently. He listened as the music in his head faded gradually until the door opened and he was met with a wide eyed and tight lipped Steve. Even in the Upside Down he had never seen him so frightened,

"Of course you're my type you asshole," he blurted, decidedly less romantic than he was hoping for but it could have been a declaration of love going off the way Steve's face split into a smile,

"Really?" he breathed, and for the first time Eddie allowed himself to admire him, free of the guilt of looking at someone other than his soulmate,

"Are you joking?" he laughed, pushing his way into the house and closer to Steve, "You wanted to learn about metal for me, you saved my life and my guitar. You're Steve Harrington for God's sake you should know how hot you are," Eddie watched delighted as Steve flushed under his gaze, 

"Exactly, I'm Steve Harrington, infamous asshole and bully, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me," Steve said, his eyes locked onto Eddie as if he couldn't look away, Eddie snorted

"Please, I'm not going to hold the past against you. I could tell you were different the moment I had a bottle to your throat. You were so quiet," 

"I was worried about you," Steve murmured, sending chills down Eddie's spine, "You were quiet too, in my head at least and you've never done that before. Not once," it's so sincere that Eddie can't help but step forward into Steve's space and press their foreheads together, he felt Steve's fingers thread through his belt loops, 

"I'm sorry, baby," the name slipped out and Steve's breath hitched in response, Eddie felt his lips curl upwards, "I was worried too, couldn't help feeling like I'd failed you when I couldn't play for you," 

"You were being hunted for murder, I think thats a reasonable excuse," Steve laughed a little wetly, 

"You didn't know that though," Eddie protested,

"Not at first," Steve said and Eddie was reminded that he had known about this longer than 20 minutes,

"When did you figure it out?" 

"When you played Master of Puppets, it would be pretty hard not to notice the song that your soulmate has been practising on repeat non stop for the last few weeks," He laughed again, "it was perfect by the way," something wonderful unfurled in Eddie's gut at the compliment, his soulmate really did listen to him, Steve listened to him,

"I really want to kiss you," He whispered, chin pressing forward,

"Please," was all Steve managed before Eddie could press their lips together. The kiss felt the same way their music did, warm and soft with an understanding of the push and pull of the other perfectly. Steve tugged on his belt loops to pull him closer and Eddie happily obliged, deepening the kiss at the same time. Steve tasted like mint and it made Eddie pull away with a smile,

"Did you brush your teeth before playing the mixtape?" He asked in disbelief, 

"Sh-shut up," Steve stuttered, making Eddie grin wider, 

"Make me Harrington," 

They kissed their way back to Steve's room where the cassette was still playing, hands roaming as they collapsed onto the bed. Eddie wondered a little giddily why the noises Steve was making weren't playing in his head, they were music as far as he was concerned. 

The tape got replayed several more times before they were done and at one point Eddie had to run back out to his van to get his guitar but it was all worth it to finally see his favourite audience react to his favourite music. As he played he got to watch as Steve's eyes moved from a shining and open admiration that made him blush to half lidded and blissed out as he slowly fell asleep. And when Eddie finally laid the guitar down softly and pressed himself against Steve's back, he found that his new favourite song was breathing softly in his sleep beside him.

Chapter Text

Steve's soulmate was noisy. It wasn't something he was used to at all, in fact, he remembered hating it as a kid. Who was his soulmate, and why were they allowed to play music at all hours of the day when Steve couldn't even recite a nursery rhyme at home without getting told off? He supposed that it had been jealousy at the time but the jealousy had quickly morphed into inconvenience the older he got and the more specific the music became. 

Specifically when the music turned to rock and then into metal. He didn't hate it per se, but he envied his friends who could gush about the latest music their soulmate was listening to or go up to a girl and ask if she was listening to a specific song that they'd been hearing all morning. It wasn't like he could really go around talking about the screaming lyrics and wax poetic about the love messages his soulmate was sending him, it wasn't an option. 

Steve never really cared for music anyway, it was a waste of time when he could have been out with friends or swimming or literally anything else. So he resigned himself to listening to whatever was on the radio at the time so he didn't look like a complete idiot when some girl bat her eyelashes at him and asked if he'd been hearing some song or other that day. He could never decide if it was funny or not, the idea of these preppy girls listening to the kind of thing in his head. It was funny to think back on at least. 

The moment everything changed was the first night Steve laid in his bed after the incident at the Byers House. His mind played the memory on repeat. Flickering lights. Nancy and the gun. The creature. Fire. Flickering lights again. It felt like it was suffocating him, the quiet felt suffocating and before he knew what was happening he was out of bed again, hands shaking as he grabbed the closest record and shoved it onto the player. It was loud, loud enough that he knew his parents would complain if they were home, but then they never were, were they? He let the sound fill up the room, dousing himself in the beat and for what felt like the first time soaking up the lyrics with a determination that felt almost religious. He still didn't sleep that night but he felt better than he had expected. 

The next day he bought a Walkman and any cassettes he liked the cover of. He looked for metal ones, but didn't find any. 

Steve supposed he didn't really need his own metal while his soulmate was playing it, he was hesitant to admit it but it was slowly becoming his favourite genre of music. The deep pulsing of the tracks, the loud lyrics that he could barely understand, chased away the thoughts that he didn't want to feel, filled his head and his body completely with a calm you wouldn't expect from it. He also liked that only he could hear it, it stopped nosey dickheads from coming at you with grabby hands to see what you were listening to. These songs were for him and his soulmate alone. 

He was also convinced that his soulmate played guitar, unless his soulmate had some endless album of pure guitar solos somehow. It wasn't as loud or as all consuming as the metal was but it was impressive, drew Steve in and made him turn off his Walkman just to listen to it. He liked to imagine that it was just for him, and maybe it was because he had fallen asleep to the sound of it one evening and after that his soulmate made sure to play every night, the sounds of the guitar lulling him to sleep. It felt intimate and Steve blushed every time he thought about it too hard. 

The night that Nancy called them bullshit made him love metal even more. It rang in his ears as he drove home alone. Metal wasn’t bullshit, it didn't care who heard it, didn't pretend to be something it wasn’t. He hoped his soulmate was like that too, it made him want to be like that for them, not bullshit. That night, as the guitar crooned in his ears, Steve promised his soulmate that he would learn more about their music, make an effort for them like they did for him. 

It was easier said than done, he realised quickly, most record stores in Hawkins didn't bother to stock up on metal since it didn't sell well, and what he did find didn't look like stuff he heard in his head. Well he wasn't sure exactly, none of the lyrics he knew matched the titles of the songs. He learned a little at the library, finally able to label a couple of bands like Black Sabbath and Dio. He memorised the names of the members, hoping it was enough to impress his soulmate. He doubted it and even spent one lunch staring at the resident Hawkins metalhead Eddie Munson, debating on whether or not he could ask for his help. He decided against it, Munson would never have taken him seriously anyway. 

He wished he could do more though, because there was his soulmate who helped him sleep at night, who drowned out his worst thoughts, who even picked up on the days where Steve couldn't play music. That always made his heart flutter the most, when his soulmate noticed that he was too tied up with Upside Down shit to be able to play music and filled the silence for him. It was like having his own soundtrack as he battled against demodogs and dust clouds in stupid dank tunnels. It kept him sane while he grit his teeth through the Russian torture, made him feel like he was protecting them somehow. He always wondered afterwards how his soulmate managed to play for so long during those days. He hoped it didn't hurt their fingers, he really didn't want them hurt for his sake. 

… 

Something went wrong in 1986, well, something went wrong every year but that time was far worse somehow. For the first night in years his soulmate didn't play for him. He tried to play it off, tried to come up with any number of solutions as to why they hadn't played but for every decent reason he found two more terrible ones pop up in his head. He paced and picked up the phone and put it down again. He didn't play his own music, it wouldn't replace what he was missing that night.

Steve woke up to silence, got dressed in silence and dragged himself to work in silence. He couldn't bring himself to play anything, not when the music he was so evidently craving was missing. Not when his soulmate was missing. Robin gave him a look as he pulled himself through the door.

"You look like shit," she said, a mixture of amused and concerned,

"My soulmate didn't play last night," He managed, lip wobbling as he heard the words out loud for the first time, "they haven't played anything all morning," the confession had Robin running round the counter to grab hold of him as the tears came pouring out, 

"Oh Steve," she rubbed soothing circles into his back, "Hey I'm sure it's fine, right? They probably just went out last night and haven't woken up yet," 

"Went out to a place without any music? I was up all night Robin there hasn't been anything at all," He cried,

"OK, OK," she hushed, "but it's too early to tell yet, yeah? We've just got to wait it out a little longer, I'm sure they'll be back, Steve. I'm sure," Steve nodded into her shoulder but he couldn't quite bring himself to believe it as she guided him around the store and behind the counter.

His hopes didn’t get any better when they turned on the news, Steve was still clutching at Robin’s shirt, paralysed in fear as he stared at the screen when Dustin and Max burst through the doors,

“Hey, Steve,” Henderson called, he couldn’t find it in himself to respond,

“Not now, Dingus,” Robin snapped back at him,

“How many phones do you have,”

“Someone was just murdered,” Robin hissed,

“How many phones do you have,” Dustin repeated, raising his voice.

“Someone just got murdered, ” Robin retorted, hands flying up into the air before her voice came back to a whisper, “and Steve’s soulmate has gone quiet. So maybe shut up for a second?” to Robin’s credit, it worked. Dustin’s eyes went wide as he froze in place but the silence wasn’t helping Steve either. It rang in his ears as Robin’s words repeated in his head, he couldn’t hold his own weight anymore and slid to the floor behind the counter. 

In seconds Robin was crouched beside him, squeezing his shoulder,

“Steve…”

“It was Chrissy Cunningham,” Max had run round the counter and was standing in front of him, voice quiet and eyes soft, “do you think Chrissy was your-” he shook his head but couldn’t find it in himself to be relieved, 

“I met Chrissy back at the highschool, she didn’t listen to the stuff my soulmate does,” he paused, unsure if he wanted to continue, “how do you know it was her?”

“Saw her with Eddie Munson last night, then all the lights at my place went all wonky and did the flickering shit,” Steve flinched at the memories, “and then Eddie was out of the door and sped away, you should’ve seen his face. He looked terrified,” the explanation helped, if only a little,

“So even though my soulmate hasn’t just been murdered they could still be wrapped up in some Upside Down shit?” he groaned shakily, 

“Yeah, well right now we need to find Eddie, who’s currently being blamed for the Upside Down shit,” Dustin called, Steve forgotten the moment his soulmate was confirmed not to be Chrissy,

“Right,” Steve grumbled pushing himself to his feet, at least working on whatever batshit stuff Dustin had going on would distract him, “It’s all about Eddie,”

… 

It sort of was, or at least, that’s what was running through Steve’s mind as he caught up to Eddie in the Upside Down. It was selfish, but he knew that at that moment Eddie was the closest thing to his soulmate he could have. It was like secondhand smoke really, useless in that it only reminds you of the real thing, but Steve would take all he could get, 

“Eddie, Eddie. Hey, man. Uh…” actually he wasn’t even sure how to start, “Listen I just- I just want to say thanks. For saving my ass back there,”

“Shit, you saved your own ass, man,” Eddie chuckled, “I mean, that was a real Ozzy move you pulled back there,” 

"Ozzy Osborne? Really?" he thought back to the one picture of Ozzy he could remember, pleased that he’d done something even a little metal, he wondered if his soulmate would be pleased, wondered if he’d ever get the chance to tell them,

"Wait, you know who he is?" Eddie gasped, the look on his face making Steve heat up, 

"Black Sabbath right?" He asked, he really wasn’t sure he had enough knowledge on the subject to hold out a conversation with Eddie Munson of all people,

"Yeah, Holy shit Harrington do you listen to metal?" 

"Um, sort of?" He mumbled, it was kind of scary, he’d never told anyone about the kind of music his soulmate listened to. Even Robin only knew they played guitar, "my soulmate listens to it, and I really like it. But I don't know what anything is called or where to start looking for it so I usually just let them take the reins," he explained, he knew it was odd, Steve Harrington, listening to metal, but it had been the only constant in his life, he wasn’t sure he’d have made it through all the terror of the past few years without it. His soulmate had supported him through every one of his nightmare filled tussles with the Upside Down, now there was nothing, 

"Your soulmate has good taste Harrington, didn't have you pegged as a metal fan though," Eddie was grinning at him and for the first time he felt the need to explain himself,

"It's... loud?" he started, but the way it made Eddie laugh made Steve think he hadn’t explained it right, he tried again, "I mean, it's unapologetic. It's passionate and not afraid to be itself. Takes up the space it needs. I guess I like to think that my soulmate is the same way," Steve felt more satisfied with that answer, he glanced up at Eddie to find him staring back at him, Steve marvelled a little at how expressive Eddie was, purely with his eyes,

"That's a good reason to like it, even if you don't know much about it… if you're struggling to get started, I could help you out? When we get out of here I mean," Steve felt his heart swell at the offer, because who was this random man who’d appeared out of nowhere and why was he kind enough to give Steve the thing he had been searching for for years?

"Would you really?" he breathed, 

"Yeah sure, what metalhead would pass up the opportunity to induct golden boy Steve Harrington into the world of metal?" Eddie chuckled and Steve couldn’t help grinning back at him.

…

The moment he heard it again, the moment he realised the truth, they were closing in on Vecna’s lair. The sound of Master of Puppets jolted to life in his head, louder than ever before. It pulsed through his body, weaving in harmony with the relief and joy that coursed through his veins. In the distance he could just barely hear the same melody echoing back to him from somewhere atop a trailer. He breathed out a laugh as his face split into a grin. Of course, of fucking course Eddie was his soulmate,

“What are you grinning for?” Robin whispered at him incredulously, 

“He started playing again,” Steve whispered back, barely able to contain his joy,

“He?” she asked, her eyes flickering as Steve took a glance over his shoulder in the direction they had come from, “ Oh, holy shit. Congrats dingus,” she slapped him on the back and he bumped her in return. He thought back to the few memories he had of Eddie, taking in his features in a new light. Warm eyes, giant grin and the kindness that had baffled him about his soulmate years before. Yeah, he could fight for that.

“Let’s go kill this bastard,”

…

Steve was still buzzing as they made their way back to the trailer gate, Nancy and Robin behind him barely able to keep up with his pace but Steve couldn’t bring himself to care. His soulmate was safe, Eddie was- 

The trailer park came into view between the trees and Steve was pulled to a standstill,

“Steve?” someone behind him asked, Eddie wasn’t safe. Eddie was on the ground, Dustin curled up over the top of him, 

“Shit, shit,” Steve cried, breaking into a run, “Dustin?” he was just resting, just unconscious, he had to be, 

“Steve,” the boy called back to him, voice broken and hoarse, “Steve, help,” he toppled to the ground next to him, knees slamming heavily as his hands reached out to find a pulse, barely steady from years of practice. He found it hidden away, flickering dangerously under his fingers, 

“He’s alive,” Steve managed to choke out, then he took a breath to steady himself, “Ok, we can do this. I need constant pressure on the wounds while I lift, then back to the trailer and out of here,” he slid his hands into place under Eddie as the other three crowded around his front, each shedding clothes to press against him, 

“Ready?” Nancy asked, a determined look in her eyes, “Lift,” Steve heaved, pulling the weight of his soulmate into his arms. Eddie groaned, eyes shooting open to stare at him unfocused, 

"Don't you fucking dare, you're not allowed to die Eddie. Not when I've just realized-” he told him, unable to finish the sentence the way he wanted to, “not when you still owe me that music lesson. OK?" he could see Robin watching him curiously, but he didn’t want to say it like this, not when Eddie was like this. 

They slammed into the trailer and Steve immediately made for the mattress to place Eddie down for a moment while he formulated a plan, 

“I think I can get him through,” he muttered, staring up at the ceiling, 

“He’ll bleed out before you can get there!” Robin protested, hands in her hair, 

“So, we bandage him up first, then hoist him through?” Nancy offered, hands becoming bloody where they were pressed against Eddie, Steve couldn’t look, didn’t want to think about it,

“Yeah, yeah that could work,”

Several minutes and a roll of duct tape later Steve was clambering up the new makeshift rope with one hand. Eddie was over his shoulder and his guitar was strapped to his back, again, with more duct tape. He had spotted it moments before and seized it with desperation. It twanged mournfully as the three of them landed on the mattress in the real trailer, 

“His guitar, Steve? Seriously?” Dustin complained, he had a right to be mad, it should have been trivial all things considered but-

“I couldn’t leave it,” he said desperately, looking at Robin and hoping she understood. Leaving the guitar was like leaving a piece of Eddie behind, worse, it was leaving behind the bit that connected Eddie to Steve. He burst into tears as he repeated himself, “I couldn’t leave it,”

… 

Steve didn't leave the hospital for a second once he arrived. He had stopped home briefly to hide the guitar, placing it softly on his bed before hastily shoving some clothes and his Walkman into a bag and sprinting out the door. 

He didn't tell anyone else about what he had learned in the Upside Down, but he didn't really need to. He knew the fact that he didn't move from Eddie's side while he slept was damning but Steve couldn't bring himself to care either way. Music played on a loop through his headphones, doing very little to quell his anxiety. He hoped it would be enough to pull Eddie back to the present, even if it wasn't the music he loved, even if he wasn't the thing that Eddie loved. That was the worst part, he mused to himself on one of his late nights by Eddie's bed, that he really doubted that Eddie liked him at all. To Eddie, Steve was probably just some bully that used to torture him in high-school, some preppy loser who could barely name any metal bands. How was he supposed to tell him they were soulmates? 

Hey, I know I'm pretty much the last person you'd be into but you're stuck with me now! Great, cause that would go down so well. 

The sheets rustled and Steve jumped, hands shooting up to his headphones automatically as he straightened and spotted Eddie, eyes watching him in the dim light. He wanted to take off the headphones, but knew the moment he did the truth would be out. He stared at Eddie and it felt like he could breathe again, he was awake,

"Eddie…" He started, unsure of where to go from there, but it didn't matter either way because the eyes holding him in place slid closed again as his head fell to the side. 

Steve stared at his Walkman for a while after that, Eddie waking up meant that it would start to happen more frequently. Steve wouldn’t be able to get away with sitting at his bedside wearing them constantly anymore, not without explaining himself. Even if he only showed up during visiting hours, even if he took them off for that Eddie would notice the pattern sooner or later wouldn’t he? If Steve was going to hide this, it meant no more music while Eddie was in hospital, which would suck. He rubbed his face wearily and sighed, slipping the headphones off and burying them at the bottom of his bag, 

“Sorry Eddie,” he whispered as softly as he could, “I’m not ready to lose you yet,”

True to his prediction, Eddie began to regain consciousness for longer and longer periods after that to the point where he was awake for most of the visiting hours. Steve was there for all of them, it was certainly a downgrade from being at his side 24/7 but ferrying Dustin back and forth was a good excuse to see him without arousing suspicion and it only cost him listening to Dustin rant about why he should confess every time they were in the car together. It could have been worse, at least Dustin managed to keep his mouth shut in front of Eddie.

For the most part, he added in his head as he noticed the glare Dustin was sending him at the mention of Eddie’s guitar, he ignored it in favour of smiling at Eddie, 

"You can come grab it when you're out of here," He offered apologetically, "I would've brought it to you earlier but I'm pretty sure it would be confiscated," 

"Yeah, sounds good man. Thanks for looking after her," Eddie responded, 

"She means a lot," Steve shrugged back, trying to sound as casual as possible as if he hadn’t been crying over that guitar days before. He’d been trying to clean it up to fill time when he wasn’t at the hospital but he wasn’t really an expert on cleaning guitars and he didn’t dare move the strings himself in case he broke one or messed it up. It still felt surreal to be able to touch something that had been such a huge part of his life the past four years, to touch the same instrument that had staved off his nightmares every night and powered him through the worst things he’d ever faced. He wondered if touching Eddie would feel the same and then flushed at the thought. He looked up to find the real Eddie considering him with his unfairly attractive doe eyes, 

“I’m going to grab a drink,” he declared, standing up, “you guys want anything?” he tapped his foot as Dustin ambled around a decision before dashing out the room. As soon as the door closed behind him he pressed his forehead against the wall. 

This is torture. 

…

The relief of Eddie’s release hit Steve like a truck. The familiar sound of metal soothing his soul less than an hour after they had parted ways at the hospital. He grinned at the feeling of it lighting up his brain and danced around his kitchen screaming the lyrics for a solid 10 minutes before he even realised what he was doing. He bopped his way up the stairs and collapsed on his bed, heart pumping and limbs fizzy at the feeling of it. It wasn’t as good as Eddie’s playing by any stretch of the imagination but given that Steve hadn’t been able to sleep properly since before Eddie’s disappearance and that Eddie’s guitar was in the room with him he was happy to settle for the familiar albums instead. He let sleep wash over him and didn’t wake up until a day later. 

Unfortunately, the carefree kick that Steve had gotten from Eddie’s music didn’t last past that first day. Once he realised how long he had been asleep for he began to wonder why Eddie hadn’t come for his guitar yet, and the longer he waited the worse the wondering got. He knew Eddie was fine because he was still playing music, so why hadn’t he come to get his sweetheart yet? Perhaps Steve was spiralling but the only reason he could think of was him. That Eddie didn’t want to see him so much that he’d put off collecting his most prized possession. Steve had the guitar ready to go, placed on his chair with the battle vest hanging off the back, freshly washed. But still no Eddie. It felt like defeat, having to put his own music on that evening to get any semblance of sleep, but was it defeat when he hadn’t even tried? Eddie always talked like he was a coward for running away yet here Steve was, lying awake in his room because he didn’t have the guts to tell his own soulmate who he was. It wasn’t like he was even going to lose anything by confessing, he could hardly call Eddie his friend and it wasn’t like Eddie wanted to see him anyway so what was he scared of? If Eddie showed up, he would tell him the truth. 

Eddie did show up, sooner than Steve was ready for he realised as he opened his front door with a grin, 

"Hey, you here for your baby?" 

"Uh, yeah. If you're free," Eddie said and Steve let himself appreciate the sight of the man standing upright, he was allowed to be happy he was alive at least,

"Yeah, of course. Come in," he beckoned Eddie into the house, turning away to stop his eyes lingering "I'm surprised you waited so long to come and get her," he added as an afterthought, trying to hide the ache in his chest,

"Yeah me too, but I guess I wanted to give you something in exchange for saving her so I've been working on that," relief flooded through Steve’s chest at the explanation, swiftly followed by irritation that had him turning as he reached the top of the stairs,

"You really didn't have to, I was happy I could save her, honestly," this had been something he was finally able to do for Eddie, he didn’t want anything in return,

"Don't worry, it's something I promised you anyway," Eddie elaborated as he reached into a pocket and extracted a cassette tape "musical education right?" 

"Oh, right," Steve said with classic Harrington eloquence, the thought of Eddie making him a mixtape made him want to melt "well let's reunite you with your other half first, yeah?" He opened the door to his room to deflect the attention from himself and watched as Eddie caught sight of his guitar, his face lit up as he stared at it with reverence. He moved forward so slowly that Steve wasn’t even sure he knew what he was doing,

"You cleaned them," he noted, looking back at Steve like he had done something other than clean a couple of important items, he squirmed under the gaze,

"Yeah, I've gotten pretty good at getting hell gunk off stuff after four years of it. I usually end up washing everyone's clothes afterwards so their parents don't notice," He shrugged, peeking back again as Eddie’s fingers brushed along the neck of the guitar with a featherlite touch

"Thank you Steve. It really means a lot," 

"It was really no problem," 

"I used to play for my soulmate in the evenings, felt like I was playing them to sleep.” 

You were, Steve thought desperately, wishing he could just impress the knowledge into Eddie’s head,
“Haven't been able to do that in a while," Steve thought he could hear something sad in Eddie’s voice, he wanted to tell him how much he loved his playing,

"I'm sure they'll be glad to hear it again," he settled on instead, thinking back to countless music filled nights,

"Is yours still quiet?" Eddie said, so quietly that Steve almost didn’t catch it,

"No, they started playing music again in the Upside Down. Helped me get through the fight with Vecna, knowing they were out there," Eddie’s music always helped him get through those fights, but his latest rendition had been Steve’s favourite by far,

"Well, you can return the favour by listening to this," Eddie launched the tape, that Steve had almost forgotten about, at him, he caught it and immediately scanned the names of the songs, putting titles to the music from the last two days, Eddie really had spent all that time making it for him. Steve, just Steve. He turned it over, a little bewildered,

"You going to play it?" Eddie laughed, and Steve tried to hide the fear that had bubbled up at the thought,

"Um, not yet? I kinda wanna see what my soulmate thinks of it first," he said shakily, not quite a lie. He knew what his soulmate thought of the mixtape, he just wasn’t sure what his soulmate would think about him playing it,

"Oh, you... know who your soulmate is then?" 

"Yeah I know who he is," he smiled at the irony of the question,

"What's wrong then? He not your type?" of course Eddie had noticed something was up, this at least was a question he could answer honestly,

"I guess I'm more worried I'm not his type," he looked down, unable to meet Eddie’s eyes as he said it,

"He's your soulmate Steve, of course he'll like you," Eddie said with such earnestness that Steve wanted to believe him, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

"I'll find out soon enough I guess," 

Steve waited til Eddie was out of sight before he even considered playing the tape. He put it in the player and then took it out again. Read over the list of titles, brushing his fingers over Eddie’s messy scrawling. Why was it so hard? He put the tape down on his bed and walked away from it into the bathroom, splashing his face with water and brushing his teeth for the second time that morning just to feel the grounding pressure of the bristles against his gums. He looked back into the mirror and sighed, 

“Nothing to lose Harrington,” he scolded, marching back over to the cassette, picking it up and slamming it into the player before he could stop himself. The track clicked on and for the first time, the sounds of metal did not quell his fears. 

…

He was halfway to a panic attack when he heard tires screeching onto his driveway, he flinched as a door slammed and flinched again at the series of knocks on the front door. 

Fuck, it was so much worse that Steve had anticipated. He’d assumed that Eddie would just ice him out if he wasn’t pleased but now he wasn’t so sure. He left the tape running as he moved out the room and down the stairs, gripping onto the bannister as his legs shook. The front door was in sight and Steve gulped as he pushed the final distance, pulling it open in the same movement to stop himself from running away. He locked eyes with Eddie,

"Of course you're my type you asshole," the words turned all of Steve’s bones to jelly, it was like coming out of the Upside Down into the sunshine for the first time,

"Really?" He almost whimpered, barely able to believe what was happening

"Are you joking?" a beautiful laugh peeled from Eddie’s chest, Steve tripped over his own feet as Eddie forced his way into the house and up against Steve’s chest "You wanted to learn about metal for me, you saved my life and my guitar. You're Steve Harrington for God's sake you should know how hot you are," it was too much, Steve didn’t know where to look, how was it even possible?

"Exactly, I'm Steve Harrington, infamous asshole and bully, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me," he made the mistake of looking back at Eddie and fell head first into his eyes, the warmth in them seized his chest, suffocating him in the best possible way, Eddie huffed at him,

"Please, I’m not going to hold the past against you. I could tell you were different the moment I had a bottle to your throat. You were so quiet," for a moment, Steve was thrown back to that morning, clutching at Robin as he prayed nothing had happened to his soulmate

"I was worried about you," he admitted softly, "You were quiet too, in my head at least and you've never done that before. Not once," he was suddenly very grateful that he’d never have to feel that way again, and maybe Eddie was too because he stepped closer, head falling against Steve’s. His fingers itched to do something, so he reached out towards Eddie, finding his belt loops and grasping hold,

"I'm sorry baby," and oh, if that name didn’t do things to him "I was worried too, couldn't help feeling like I'd failed you when I couldn't play for you," 

"You were being hunted for murder, I think thats a reasonable excuse," he reasoned with a laugh, too happy to be bothered by the past,

"You didn't know that though," 

"Not at first," knowing had made a difference, at least he knew Eddie was safe, but it didn’t stop him from missing the music all the same,

"When did you figure it out?" 

"When you played Master of Puppets, it would be pretty hard not to notice the song that your soulmate has been practising on repeat non stop for the last few weeks," He laughed again, "it was perfect by the way," Eddie let out a strangled noise that made Steve quite pleased with himself,

"I really want to kiss you," He whispered, 

"Please," Steve managed to gasp before Eddie captured his lips. They moved against each other softly, Eddie’s lips were chapped but it really didn’t matter when they were pressed against Steve’s in a way that made him feel whole. He couldn’t stop himself from tugging on Eddie’s belt loops to yank him in closer and Eddie thanked him by tilting his chin up and running his tongue against the seam of Steve’s mouth. If he’d thought Eddie’s lips were perfect his tongue was better. Kissing Eddie wasn’t as frantic as metal music but Steve could feel his brain numbing with the same sensation he always felt listening to it. Too soon he felt Eddie smile into the kiss as he pulled away,

"Did you brush your teeth before playing the mixtape?" He asked, leaving Steve to remember the ritual brushing from minutes before,

"Sh-shut up," Steve muttered, embarrassed,

"Make me Harrington," he coaxed, backing away with half lidded eyes. Steve was more than happy to oblige. 

The sun had set by the time they stopped to check where it was. Eddie was curled up against Steve’s chest, humming softly as Steve buried his fingers in the mess of curly hair he was slowly falling in love with. He felt his eyelids drooping and wondered if the sound of Eddie’s voice alone would be enough to send him to sleep, he didn’t want to risk it, 

“Eds?” he said with an idea in mind,

“Hm?”

“Do you still have your guitar with you?” he asked, trying not to sound too excited by the idea, Eddie perked up immediately, teeth flashing as his eyes crinkled, he leaned up and pressed a kiss to Steve’s lips before leaping of the bed, 

“You’re a genius Stevie,” he called, already halfway down the stairs and Steve chuckled deliriously. 

No one had ever called him a genius before, for good reason too, but lying on his bed with his soulmate leaning over him, fingers strumming on the guitar, he thought he might actually agree. He watched Eddie’s fingers dance across the frets with ease, thinking softly that if he had any more energy the sight of Eddie’s fingers alone might have got him going again. He marvelled at both the music and the man before him while he still could before the music captured his mind and pulled him towards sleep. Just before he lost consciousness he felt the press of Eddie’s chest against his back and managed to tip the corner of his lip up happily before the darkness consumed him. And for the first time, he wasn’t afraid of the silence.