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Buck knew well that leaving a bad situation was only ever the first step. Afterwards, you still needed to heal. And to grieve. He learned that lesson when leaving Hershey behind.
After all, Margaret and Philip Buckley might be people he could happily kick out of his life, but that didn't mean he didn't mourn the parents he could have had. And when he left Pennsylvania, he knew he wouldn't be seeing Maddie again for a very long time, possibly decades. Given the lack of effort she'd put into seeing him when they lived in the same city, he'd had no faith he'd see her when they no longer lived in the same state.
But he couldn't stay. He had to leave. He'd felt guilty for his selfishness for such a long time and it was only now that he realised his sister would have somehow made sure they wouldn't have met up, even if he'd had come by.
He knew her reasoning. He still disagreed.
Knowing this didn't relieve that feeling of guilt, however. It didn't stop the conviction deep down that he was an inherently selfish and greedy creature. It took a lot of time and compassion to work through this. And it left scars.
---
His relationship with Maddie was much more complicated than he had wanted to realise. Chimney's actions had only made that worse. He silently hoped that his sister stayed out of his life for a little while longer. It shouldn't be too difficult. They had spoken once in the past few months, when Maddie had wanted to know why Chim was driving all over the country with their daughter. As if he'd know.
Other than that Chimney was a man possessed and he obviously couldn't care less about his own child in light of his obsession.
He wisely kept his mouth shut, since he doubted that Maddie would have appreciated hearing that. It was his honest opinion, though. He'd been a bit surprised at her surprise, really, but people do love to fool themselves. He was a prime example, he knew.
Either way, it wasn't his problem. He had alerted his sister of Chimney's behaviour through email as soon as he knew she was somewhere safe, getting the help she needed. That was as far as he was willing to go. He warned her in the subject line to read it with her therapist in attendance, of course. That way she could determine whether she wanted to open it in the first place or if she wasn't ready yet. She had a right to know about the punch, so she would be able to make informed decisions. He'd had to tell her, therefore. The rest was up to her and she should take all the time and support she needed.
This is where their lack of contact was a blessing in disguise. As long as Maddie stayed out of touch, she wouldn't try to insert herself into his life and control his choices. He knew she would, if given the chance. She certainly wouldn't approve of his move to San Diego. And she would feel as if she had a say given her boyfriend's actions.
Even though his mates provided him with a great excuse to skip right out of the 118 into the sunset, everyone knew Chimney's punch played a role in his decision too. Sure, everyone was also determined to ignore that little detail, however even if no-one said anything when Maddie returned, she would know. And she would want to make it right. He shuddered to think what exactly that entailed.
He wondered how hard she would start scapegoating him in order to justify her boyfriend's behaviour. Would the therapy she was getting now help? They were focusing on her PPD, but if the dysfunctionality in her relationships played a significant role in that, they should focus on that too. Chim had definitely enabled her unhealthy coping mechanisms...
He ruthlessly crushed every bit of hope that sprang up at that thought. It was an ongoing process, but he didn't relent. Expecting the worst was just sensible. He could do with a little less disappointment right now.
---
He silently put away his phone where he had been checking his emails, hoping and fearing his sister would finally have sent something. She hadn't, of course. And now he wouldn't hear about Maddie through Hen. Then again, would Chim tell the truth? He couldn't trust that anymore either.
No news is good news, he told himself. Athena or May would tell him if Maddie returned. Or if she died. They had promised.
He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders. All the relaxation from lazy morning sex followed by a delicious breakfast prepared by Peter, was gone. The alpha gave him an understanding smile across the kitchen table. "Perhaps you should only check your emails once or twice a week. Reduce your stress." Buck pressed his lips together and nodded tightly. It was a good idea. All he was doing now was working his fingers into an open wound on the daily.
"Come." Peter tugged him out of his chair. "Let's snuggle on the couch while we watch some home improvement shows." The blond snorted and shook his head with a smile, though he followed the werewolf gamely. He let himself be manoeuvred into position and then spent a few hours snickering at Peter's vicious diatribes. It proved to be the perfect distraction and before long he was happily bouncing around the place again.
---
That night Buck decided to follow Maddie's lead. He couldn't deal with the anxiety possible contact with her brought him and although Peter's suggestion had merit, he needed something more. So he sent his sister an email where he told her he would be taking a break from their relationship for a while. He didn't think she would take it very well, but that wasn't his problem. He blocked her phone number and directed all her emails into a separate folder, so he could check his inbox without any stress. She didn't know where he lived or worked anymore, thus the only avenue of contact left for her was through someone else and it was at least a little easier to lay down some boundaries with them.
The relief he felt at doing all this was instantaneous and enormous. He knew he would get shit for this from most of the fire family, because his mental health didn't seem to factor all that much into their consideration, but he was ready and willing to cut them off too. After 'hell weeks from Hen' and Bobby's conspicuous inaction, he was done. He was giving them rope. Let's see if they hanged themselves with it.