Chapter Text
[New Squidbeak Splatoon] (2:25 p.m.)
> SquidbeakCaptain has joined the game.
SquidbeakCaptain: I am now a father...
MCPrincess: Oh boy, is he still going on about that??
DJHyperfresh: Lay off the captain. He's just overloaded with so many feelings right now.
DJHyperfresh: Also congrats on the baby, Cap!
SquidbeakCaptain: ...I have... a child...
> CraigCuttlefish has joined the game.
> LowTideSnipe had joined the game.
> RollingInkGirl has joined the game.
RollingInkGirl: Hey guys! What's-
RollingInkGirl: Oh.
Sheldon: Indeed. He's still out of it.
CraigCuttlefish: I can understand how he feels though.
CraigCuttlefish: I went through a similar phase when Callie and Marie's parents were born.
LowInkSnipe: Oh yeah. Mom and uncle always talked about it with us whenever we're at family gatherings.
RollingInkGirl: It's always their favorite material to use for teasing and blackmail.
CrustySean: Lol I always love hearing stories about your family.
CrustySean: Even the crazy bits.
CraigCuttlefish: My own children and grandchildren turning on me.
OctobotKing2.0: I wasn't aware you had a wife.
OctobotKing2.0: I mean, I knew you were with SOMEONE, otherwise those two wouldn't exist right now.
RollingInkGirl: Hi!
LowTideSnipe: What exactly are you implying with that comment?
OctobotKing2.0: I didn't mean anything negative with my comment! I'm just saying that Craig's not the type of guy to settle down.
OctobotKing2.0: He's always up an about, ready for the next adventure.
OctobotKing2.0: Don't even get me started on what happened recently. Remember that event?
LowTideSnipe: ...Well...
RollingInkGirl: He has a point. I don't think I remember a moment we've ever seen or met a grandma on my dad and your mom's side of the family.
TheEelDeal: You guys don't have a grandma?!
TheEelDeal: Were your parents test tube babies or something?? I don't get it!
DJHyperfresh: Nope. Technology wasn't advanced enough for Inklings and Octolings to have test tube deliveries be a thing when Cuttlefish and Octavio were around our age.
SharkBandit: And that's saying a lot coming from an Octoling considering how technologically innovative we are.
Big Man Time!: Is now really the time to be gloating?
CraigCuttlefish: To answer your question, I actually had my granddaughters' parents with an old friend of mine.
CraigCuttlefish: She didn't want any kids but she agreed to help me since I've always wanted to have a family myself.
CraigCuttlefish: After the kids were born, I was given full custody of them though she was allowed to stay around in their life as a caregiver and co-parent.
LowInkSnipe: Hold on.
LowInkSnipe: This woman wouldn't happen to be named Trina Gerfin, would she?
RollingInkGirl: As in the Aunt Trina that my dad and Marie's mom often talk and reminisce fondly of?
CraigCuttlefish: The same one.
TheEelDeal *le gasp* PLOT TWIST NOT EXPECTED!!!
Big Man Time!: Truth bombs have been dropped!
> MCPrincess was blown up by MCPrincess.
Sheldon: Goodness...
GnarlyEddy: Damn! The hell happened to you?
MCPrincess: I'm fine! I just accidentally placed a TNT block next to a fire.
SharkBandit: How do you "accidentally" do something like that??
MCPrincess: I was cooking!
LowTideSnipe: ...How?
Bisk: I wanna know how she did it too.
Shelly: Please tell us how you blew yourself up, Pearl!
Donny: ...Up, Pearl!
MCPrincess: Well if you guys shut up, I'll recount the events that took place!
MCPrincess: Also is the Captain alright? He's... oh shit.
DJHyperfresh: Cap-!
> SquidbeakCaptain fell from a high place.
> 420 Splat It has joined the game.
420 Splat It: I just logged on and the first thing I see is a message that said Three fell.
420 Splat It: What happened?
OctobotKing2.0: I think he was trying to pick some flowers from the cliff. There were a lot of flowers around where he dropped.
Annie&Moe: They were f-for Eight, right? T-That's really sweet of Cap!
CrustySean: The problem is that he is WAY too out of it.
420 Splat It: Still?
RollingInkGirl: It's not affecting his ability to care for the baby, is it?
420 Splat It: No. He does seem spaced out sometimes but otherwise is doing a good job at looking after Eight and Asher.
LowTideSnipe: To be fair, Cap has always been the socially awkward type. Even when we first met, he's always been more of the silent type and never showed much emotions.
Annie&Moe: Relatable.
Harmony: Agreed~
Big Man Time!: Ay!
Iso Padre: Indeed.
RollingInkGirl: He's gotten better at expressing himself, but still prefers to keep to himself.
RollingInkGirl: Only reason he's so expressive here on the server is because he's comfortable and familiar with most of us.
DJHyperfresh: And for the ones he's not familiar with, he tends to warm up to pretty fast.
MCPrincess: Not to sound like an attention hog, but CAN I PLS TELL MA STORY NOW??!!!?!
Bisk: Oh yeah.
TheEelDeal: Honestly forgot about that.
MCPrincess: Again. We change topics way too much.
MCPrincess: ANYWAYS, I was cooking in my furnace earlier and I noticed the fire was starting to get dimmer.
MCPrincess: I was feeling pretty sleepy because I spent another all-nighter working on some stories.
DJHyperfresh: Which I advised you against doing...
MCPrincess: I know! Anyways, I was feeling sleepy so I accidentally grabbed a flint and steel by accident instead of some wood.
CrustySean: I'm starting to see what happened now...
MCPrincess: Yep. In my sleepiness, I actually hit my TNT stash instead of the furnace.
Sheldon: You put your TNT stash next to your furnace??
SharkBandit: No wonder you blew yourself up.
MCPrincess: I was running low on chests so I put them there for the time being!
DJHyperfresh: But then you got distracted, right?
MCPrincess: ...Yes.
DJHyperfresh: Oh, Pearlie...
> AgentEight has joined the game.
AgentEight: Alright I managed to put Asher to sleep, so I have at least 30 minutes of energy left before I pass out too.
AgentEight: What did I miss?
RollingInkGirl: Nothing much really.
Bisk: Three's being an emotional wreck, Craig dropped some lore bombs regarding his family, and Pearl blew herself up while cooking food.
AgentEight: ...Wat?
CrustySean: Yeah that last part definitely sounds unbelievable.
MCPrincess: Get off my case! Go bother Craig and Octavio or something!
AgentEight: How?
MCPrincess: Scroll up. I ain't explaining shit again.
SquidbeakCaptain: Alright. I finally calmed down and just got back all of the stuff I dropped down that cliff.
SquidbeakCaptain: What did I miss while I was spacing out?
MCPrincess: Didn't you just see what I just typed?!
TheEelDeal: Pearl, chill...
SharkBandit: Yeah chill your big forehead.
GnarlyEddy: Pfft!
MCPrincess: SCROLL. UP.
MCPrincess: Also fuck u, Shiver.
> MCPrincess has left the game.
DJHyperfresh: Oh Pearl...
Big Man Time!: Maybe we went a little too fair.
CraigCuttlefish: Agreed. Pearl did mention she was feeling stressed working all night on some songs.
CraigCuttlefish: I feel bad for adding more to her frustration.
RollingInkGirl: Same.
TheEelDeal: Me too... ugh! Stupid emotions!
LowTideSnipe: We can apologize later. Maybe with some rare resource...
LowTideSnipe: Maybe even buy her something irl...
SquidbeakCaptain: But what can we buy her though??
420 Splat It: Yeah! She's freaking rich as all heck so anything we try to buy, she could probably buy but times 10!
RollingInkGirl: We're rich too!
420 Splat It: That's true but Pearl is rich on a MUCH higher level than you.
AgentEight: He has a point.
SquidbeakCaptain: I love you guys but they both have a point. Pearl is far more loaded than both of you combined.
LowTideSnipe: That's because we aren't a really rich family, despite Gramps being a war veteran.
LowTideSnipe: Plus the majority of our income is from our jobs as idols along with our side-projects.
RollingInkGirl: Like Marie's talk show podcast!
CraigCuttlefish: Too much money can corrupt. It's why I drilled modesty and morals into you both and also your parents.
LowTideSnipe: We know, Gramps, and we don't blame you.
LowTideSnipe: It's just frustrating sometimes since there are things that we want to buy sometimes but can't due to our instinctive need to save up.
SquidbeakCaptain: I can always buy something in your place if you'd like. I have the money and the lack of modesty to splurge it on a gift for Pearl.
RollingInkGirl: Only because you're offering!
RollingInkGirl: We'll message you once we figure out a gift.
Bisk: If you're buying something for Pearl, would you mind buying my gift for her too?
CrustySean: And mine?
Annie&Moe: I-I can just make something f-for her...
Sheldon: Perhaps the latest Dualies might curry some favor from her...
Shelly: That sounds like a good idea!
Donny: ...Good idea!
SquidbeakCaptain: Oh boy... If you have a suggestion for apology gifts, just send it to me through DMs.
GnarlyEddy: Thanks dude!
OctobotKing2.0: I do not envy your position in the slightest, lol.
CraigCuttlefish: Octavio, be nice...
OctobotKing2.0: Whatever...
OctobotKing2.0: Anyways, get over here. I need help with my pulsar cannon.
AgentEight: Your what now?
CraigCuttlefish: Sure! I'm surprised you're actually finishing it after so long.
AgentEight: Mr. Craig, wtf does Octavio mean by pulsar cannon?!
DJHyperfresh: Oh boy...
Bisk: Why do I have a feeling this won't end well?
CrustySean: Umm... Three?
SquidbeakCaptain: Sorry guys but Eight is starting to feel the fatigue. And so am I...
SquidbeakCaptain: Parenting is tiring...
420 Splat It: I feel fine. Yawning once in a while but still awake.
AgentEight: That's because you exercise more often compared to us. Stupid pregnancy kept me from keeping up with my training regime...
AgentEight: I used to be the most physically fit and strong of the three of us!
GnarlyEddy: F
Annie&Moe: F
Sheldon: F
Shelly: F
Donny: ...F
SquidbeakCaptain: I think Eight gets it, so you guys can stop now.
RollingInkGirl: Aww but I was gonna join in too!
SquidbeakCaptain: ANYWAYS, Eight and I are gonna go now. Need our sleep and all.
AgentEight: About time!
SquidbeakCaptain: Again, if you guys have any suggestions for an apology gift for Pearl, DM me.
SquidbeakCaptain: Later guys.
420 Splat It: See ya!
AgentEight: Sweet dreams everyone.
RollingInkGirl: Have a good rest you guys!
DJHyperfresh: You clearly deserve it after a hard day's work looking after Asher.
GnarlyEddy: Wait, why is Four leaving?
420 Splat It: Because I want an excuse for cuddles~
Bisk: Gross.
420 Splat It: Screw off, Bisk. Go make out with Sean or something.
CrustySean: W-What...?!
Bisk: Screw you Four...
Annie&Moe: H-Have a good nap y-you guys!
Shelly: What Ms. Annie said!
Donny: ...Annie said!
AgentEight: Thanks guys... well, later!
> AgentEight has left the game.
> 420 Splat It has left the game.
> SquidbeakCaptain has left the game.
> OctobotKing2.0 has experienced kinetic energy.
OctobotKing2.0: God damn it!
DJHyperfresh: What happened?
CraigCuttlefish: We were working on Octavio's pulsar cannon when he noticed one side was a little... off.
OctobotKing2.0: You know how OCD I can be sometimes! Symmetry is a must!
CraigCuttlefish: Anyways, he flew down on his elytra to go fix the problem and I guess he hit the wall a little too hard.
TheEelDeal: Damn, skill issues.
SharkBandit: Pfft!
Big Man Time!: Just because it's funny doesn't mean you should make fun of him for something he couldn't control!
OctobotKing2.0: I hate all of you.