Chapter Text
ectoBiologist [EB] added turntechGodhead [TG], tipsyGnostalgic [TG], tentacleTherapist [TT], timaeusTestified [TT], and 36 more contacts to the group chat!
GG: oh! uhm, hello, i don't think i know most of the people here :(
TG: what is this
CC3: 83<< 8O!! s)(ello!!
TT: Oh, hello. Everyone. Most of which I know.
EB: i got bored, soooo i made a gc with everyone in my chumlist! which, i didn't realize how many people i had in there until i made this hah!
TG: damn egbert you sure get around
GG: oh!!!! yeah, that makes sense. didnt know you knew so many people, john!
EB: i didn't either honestly :B
TG2: zamn egbert, you sure do know basically everyone ever
EB: pretty sure most these people are just contacts others gave me, and i never talked to.
TT: That makes sense, considering some younger family members are in here.
CC3: 83<< 8333
uu: wow, this sUre is a lot of people! :U
TT3: This feels like a family gathering where I vaguely recognize everyone here but also, who the fuck are you all?
EB: oops! didn't mean to add kids in here
CC3: 38<< o)( 38
TT: A good amount of our family is in here according to my contacts, Hal. Though, I don't think I sent John their handles, so who knows how he knows them.
TT3: Sheesh. We must take up about half the chat.
EB: i just found everyone in my contacts is all! no idea how i got all of you :B
TG: doesnt matter were all here and unless everyone else in the chat is a hermit who would rather lurk in a chat than actually talk to people like a loser then i forgot what i was going to say and now the only thing thats coming to my mind its "we can all be friends" but im not going to say that so pretend i said something to that effect
TT: Wouldn't surprise me if we did, honestly. We Strilondes are a pretty large family, after all. Though, of course, some people are going to lurk, as that's the nature of things.
EB: wow dave! didn't realize you were so social! just met some of these people and you're already making friends
TG: what can i say
TG: i always want to allow people to have a taste of strider in their life
EB: dont make me regret this dave
TG: strider lalonde
TG: at least one of the people in the gc is going to say something worse than that im just trying to brace you for it
TG: im strapping the body armour on you so i can prepare you for whenever someone drops the worst pickup line youve heard in your life
TT: Strider-Lalonde-Megidos, Actually.
TT: We really do get around, huh?
TG: whose we
TG: you mean mom
TT: Yes, I mean Mom. And technically David as well.
TG: well at least he only had one kid
TT: True.
TG: how many did mom have i lost count after the first 3
TG: though also kinda not her fault because we are majority twins so maybe the universe cursed her
TT: Five, though a good amount of us are twins.
EB: whos going to flirt in a big groupchat like this??
TG: who wouldnt?
TG: good chance to get like 30 peoples attentions
EB: i wouldn't!
TG: you havent hit that stage of being a man yet
EB: sheesh dave dont be flirting with people in my gc :B
TG: one day youll wake up with the burning urge to send the most desperate thing to a gc youve heard in your life
TG: alright fine
TG: i wont for now
TT: The Ampora family is in here, so. I believe that answers your question, John.
EB: it... doesnt, but now i am a tad worried!
TG: mostly because i know most people here
TG: and itd be weird
EB: pressing x for doubt right now
TG: fine
TG: dont believe me
TG: but i warned you bro
TG: i warned you
EB: whatever dave :B
TT: Eh, how worried you have about that sort of thing depends on if Cronus is in here or not.
TG: i hope he is
TG: hes funny in the way that reddit is funny
TT: In the way that he's an incel? I agree, but it'd be hell on earth for John.
EB: no idea who that is! so... probably not?
TG: itll be a jumpscare if he is then
EB: at the same time i dont know a handful of people in here myself, again, had a bunch of unknown contacts!
TT: Ah, so he might be in here. Lmao.
TG: imagine you added your dad then
EB: no! my dad doesn't have pesterchum, dork!
TG: dangit
EB: sorry dave i dont want my dad in here :B
TG: its okay man youre forgiven for now
TG: lets hope this gets more active later
TG: 40 people some must be willing to talk
TG: for now no one is so im going to go back to mixing seeya john
EB: bye dave!
GC: JOHN WH4T TH3 H3LL D1D YOU 4DD M3 TOO??
EB: read up :B
TT: Yes, I'd recommend reading up, if possible.
GC: 1 M34NT WHY WOULD YOU CR34T3 TH1S? 1 4LR34DY SUFF3R3D THROUGH D4V3S R4MBL3S
TT: For the funny, of course.
EB: i explained that too! i was bored. also its kinda funny yeah!
CA: wwell its a fuckin atrocious idea
TT: I think it works quite fine. It provides ample time to make fun of your relatives.
EB: hey! at least im trying to have fun! dont be a stick in the mud :B
CA: oh of course you wwould take joy in havvin a public mockery of your relativves
TT: I never said my relatives, Eridan.
EB: wait are you guys related?? i dont know ca, was one of the randoms
TT: Making fun of my mother aside, no. She didn't get around to that side of town, apparently.
EB: ohhh :B
CA: uh huh
CA: quite frankly i find it fuckin hard to believve you wwouldnt go around spreadin bs around about more family members than just your mother
TT: Ah, you wound me Eridan. But you are technically correct, it's just mostly my relatives, this time.
CA: thats wwhat i figured
CA: by the wway do you havve any idea howw many of my family wwere added
TT: I have absolutely no idea. John added a bunch of contacts that he didn't have filled out.
EB: yep! i call it: im tired of my homework and am MEGA bored.
EB: like, jeez! didnt know i could get this bored even
TT: At least if anyone else is in here, it'll be interesting. Especially knowing Roxy and Cronus are very likely to drown the other if put in the same room.
CA: i am likely to drowwn him if i havve to be in a fuckin room wwith him
TT: Aren't we all.
CA2: wvoah wvoah wvoah, im gettin a bad rap and im not evwen here to defend myself! wvhats so wvrong wvith me? i swvear its alwvays the nice guys that get the most hate
TT: Ah, fuck, we jinxed ourselfs.
TG2: rose this is why you cant talk abt him
TG2: hell appear in the fucin hallway
TG2: like a bitch
CA2: aye! again with the shit talkin, makin me sound like a bad guy sheesh
TG2: i beat the shit out of you once and would do it again
TG2: just as a btw
CA2: wvoah, REALLY bringin up old drama into a group of fresh newv peeps? not my fault your anger got the best of you
TG2:and its not my fault youre the biggest sleazeball ive ever had the misfortune of meeting
CA: fuckin hell
CA: of course hes got to be in here
CA: livvin wwith him wwasnt fuckin enough i guess
TT: Eridan, shush, this is getting good.
CA2: i wvas just flirtin! howv wvas i supposed to knowv it wvas your friend?
TG2: big talk from a guy who doesnt know how to use a vpn lol
CA2: wvhat the hells a vwpn
CA2: plus! id totally apologize and shiz for it to her if you gavwe me the chance, instead you decked me wvithout second thought
TG2: lets just say me and callie have all of your online information now
TG2: ;)
GC: W41T
GC: CRONUS D1D YOU FL1RT W1TH C4LL13?
CA2: uh, if that wvas her name?
GC: YOUR3 SO LUCKY YOU 4RE B2H1ND 4 SCR33N R1GHT NOW
TG2: he doesnt have 2 be
TG2: wonk
CA2: wvoah wvaoh wvoah first my personal info is threatened, nowv it feels like i am too
TG2: thats because you are, fish for brians
GC: NO SH1T TH4TS MY S1BL1NG YOUR3 FUCK1N W1TH, WHO 1S S4PPH1C PR1CK
TG2: i have your address
GC: P1CK UP WH3N?
TG2: omw
CA2: HEY HEY!! WVE CAN TALK A8OUT THIS!!!
TT: No way you're leaving me out of this. I wanna watch.
TG2: siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, i guess u cn come rosie, cmon
uu: i mean, i did tell yoU i was not interested in men u~u
CA2: listen! callie, wvas it? i didnt mean to like, upset you and your girly gang, i wvont do it again! really it wvas an accident!
uu: im not a girl u~u
TT: Hey Eridan, Rox wants me to ask you corpse-disposal related questions. Or murder-get-away-with questions. Hard to tell, shes driving so fast its putting Mom to shame.
CA2: WVHAT THE HELL!
EB: well. i see what dave meant when he said i wouldnt like the guy!
CA: wwell id say take it out back dad wwould not be pleased to see the furniture trashed
TT: Also we're here, Terezi. Does Latula wish to come with?
TT: I'm actually going to DM this to you really fast.
CA2: COME ON GUYS, listen it wvas a lil fuck up in the past! eri dont betray your big bro like this!
CA: you should havve seen this comin
TT: As Dave would say: L Plus Ratio.
GC: N4H SH3S OUT W1TH M1TUN4, WHO, PROB4BLY WOULD W4NN4 S33 TH1S. SOM3ON3 B3TT3R R3CORD TH1S
TT: Roxy says she can give Callie her phone if they'd like to come with.
uu: i woUldn't mind that! not typically one for violence, bUt he was creepy u~u
TT: Awesome.
GC: TH3Y'R3 COMIN WITH NOW, H3AD3D TO TH3 C4R
GC :H3Y CRONUS, HOW WOULD YOU F33L G3TT1NG B34T BY 4 BL1ND P3RSON?
CA2: not good! eri listen you gotta help me out here my bikes out of fuel
TT: We're maybe 15 minutes away.
CA2: ERI! ILL 8UY YOU WVHATEVER YOU WVANT!! it goes against my code to fight ladies you know this!
TT: Well, now I'm tempted to join in kicking your ass. I do have my needles.
GC: MOST OF US 1N TH1S CAR 4R3 NOT G1RLS D1PSH1T
TG: i think rose is the only grl in here
TT: Roxy pay attention to the road.
CA2: FUCK. i really didnt mean to misgender yall, truly i didnt. you guys are all so so vwalid ofc and i nevwer meant any harm to you or your community. i swvear you havwe to believe me!
CA2: dont kill me murder is hard to get awvay wvith!!
TG2: ;)
TG2: thats what you think, fuckboy
EB: wow! there is. murder happening in my gc! not what i expected out of this, but, at least im... entertained?
CA2: EB! youre the one who made this gc right? you dont wvant to be an accomplice to murder by not stoppin this do ya? you seem like a swveet guy, come on help a dude out here
TG2: john is litterally the last person 2 care
TG2: i see u cronus
EB: uhhh yeah no man im not gonna help. good luck though!
CA2: rox, please, come on, hear me out
TG2: naw
CA2: callie, im sorry i bugged you and wvas flirtin wvith you, i wvont do it again.
uu: well were already here so i dont see the point in stopping now! :U
TG: callie take my phone rq
uu: okay!
uu: terezi also handed me their phone, cant Use text to speech right now u~u
TT: I'm in the house, by the way. You guys can do what you were planning now.
CA3: EB your my last hope man! please! something!
EB: errr sorry! im pretending i dont know whats happening right now :B
CT: D--> What in the fiddlesticks is this.
EB: oh! some douche is gettin beat up or smthin rn, nice to meet you! :B
TT: Roxy is beating up Cronus.
TT: Along with Terezi and Callie.
TT: Also I think we might have to cover up a kidnapping, Eridan.
CA: huh
CA: wwell shit i didnt think they wwould actually escalate it to murder
TT: Neither did I, but I can't say I'm surprised.
CT: D--> Ah. Well. I suppose I shall take my leave. I would rather not be questioned for the disappearance of someone, even if I do not like him.
TT: Of course. Later, Equius.
CA: i suppose i should say noww that for any investigators readin this wwe are not liable
TT: Yeah, we didn't know they'd actually kill him.
TT: Or.
TT: Kidnap him?
CA: wwho the hell knowws at this point
TT: They did shove him in Roxy's car's trunk.
CT: D--> Eridan. Good luck with the death of your brother. I will be e%pecting a funeral invita%ion. See you at the next group gathering until then. Or school.
CA: uh ok
TT: Anywho.
TT: Eridan, do you have any hair dye left over from the last time you dyed your hair?
CA: wwhat
CA: i dont dye my hair
TT: Yes, because the violet streak in your hair is natural.
CA: of course it is
TT: Mhmm. Can you help me dye a streak into mine?
CA: dont start slingin slander at me
CA: its just rare ok
TT: Eridan Ampora, if that streak in your hair is natural, my father isn't an asshole whom I'd love to enact violence upon.
TT: Now help me with this before I pour this on you.
CA: alright fine bloody hell
CA: do you knoww how much thatll fuckin stain EVVERYTHIN
TT: Yes, that's why I knew saying that would work. I'm not stupid, Eridan.
CA: wwhatevver!
CA: lets just get on wwith it
TT: Thank you.
TT: Roxy says she's on her way back, and Cronus is in fact alive.
EB: well good to know im not an accomplice of murder!
TT: Just near kidnapping.
TT: ...And also theft.
EB: ...theft?
TT: They stole Cronus's credit card.
TT: Eridan, I hope you're in the mood for social shit. Roxy's apparently taking us out to do things to celebrate.
CA: like wwhat?
TT: They were thinking lazer tag, but are open to suggestions.
TT: Also, Terezi wants to get our ears pierced. I'm running that one by Mom first though.
CA: sounds fine by me
TT: I'll also suggest going out to get occult things, if you'd like. I need to get Mom a piece of quartz as a return for letting me and Roxy get our ears pierced, anyway.
CA: ok but wwe are NOT hangin around there for long
TT: Mmm-hmmn.
GC: OH Y3S, P13RC1NGS!! 1D 4SK MY MOM BUT SH3 PROB4BLY WONT NOT1C3 ANYWAY, TOO BUSY >:]
TT: I figured. Eridan, climb down the window before I drag you.
GC: DON'T HURT YOURS3LF TOO MUCH FROM FALL1NG ER1D4N!
GC: 1 S4Y, MOSTLY B3C4US3 YOULL N33D IT. 1 DOUBT YOULL M4N4GE TO S1MP1LY "CL1MB DOWN", TOO CLUMSY 4ND 3XTRA
CA: oh fuck off its not that bad of a climb
GC: FOR M3 OR ROS3? TRUTH. YOU? 3HHH
CA: i am more than capable of handlin myself wwhen climbin out the wwindoww
TT: Then hurry up and get down. Roxy's going to make us walk if you don't.
GC: I'LL B3LI3V3 IT WH3N I S33 IT TW3RP. HOW3V3R I 4GR33 HURRY UP W3 DONT H4V3 4LL D4Y!!!
TT: If you don't come down, I'm going to head into the car. It's cold.
TT: Eridan almost fell off.
CA: i did not
TT: Did too.
CA: did NOT
TT: Did too.
GC: H4H4! WH4T D1D 1 S4Y WOU1D H4PP3N? TH4T.
TG2: cmoooon get in the car, the occult place is gonna close
GC: Y34H 3R1D4N W3 H4V3 B33N W41T1NG >:/
GC: SLOW 4SS
GC: 1M F4ST3R TH3N YOU 4ND GU3SS WHAT?
GC: 1M BL1ND! TH4T 1S S4D 3R1D4N. JUST S4D.
TG2: lmao get got
CA: fuckin hell shut your trap im GOIN
TG2: alright, first stop: occult magijks place
uu: if anyone wants the videos, tell me btw! i have them all right here °u°
TT: I need to see those.
TT: If just to send them to Mom. You know she'd find it funny.
uu: yoU want me to send them to your mother? :U
TT: If you have her number? I can send them to her if not.
uu: no i have her nUmber! jUst making sUre that's what is wanted! sending them now! ~u~
TT: Cool, thank you Callie.
uu: ^u^!
TG2: were here
TG2: hehe
TG2: yoooo eridan you like capes right
TG2: this store has a mad selection of halloween capes where im at
GC: ROXY, WH3R3 4R3 YOU >:?
GC:1T 4PP34RS 1 H4V3 WOND3R3D OFF BROWS1NG TH3 4RT SUPPL13S
TG2: towards the back, with the candles and halloween shit
TG2: smells fuckin amazin
GC: OH YUMMY C4NDL3S! B3 TH3R3 SOON. YOULL H4V3 TO PRY M3 4W4Y FROM THOS3 C4NDL3- B3TT3R Y3T? G3T M3 4 C4RT 1 KNOW WH4T 1 4M BUY1NG >:]