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Your name is Jade Harley. You spend your time crocheting, watching TV, and using your work as a private investigator to stay on top of your... issues. And the other day, A-list director David Strider, who has recently come into guardianship of his younger brother, requested your services.
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AKA: No-SBURB AU where Jade and Dave meet through Jade's job as a PI.
Estimated word count ~40k -
HomeshippingLikeaPro's Non-Explicit Homesmuts by karkavicious
Fandoms: Homestuck, Hiveswap
08 Jan 2026
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The non-explicit, but still "problematique", counterpart to homeshippinglikeapro tumblr NSFW art requests. The first 12 drawings were posted on the homeshippinglikeapro Tumblr before it was purged, and were all drawn by Karkavicious.
Requests are CLOSED as of 20 February 2025 for "problematic" Homestuck/Hiveswap pairings and tropes that fulfill the condition of "no archive warnings apply". However, this is not for requesting explicit violence, sex, and kinks - go here to request those!
Latest Chapter: #14 - Candy-Red Hot No-Chill Pepper (Karkat x Kankri)
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Homestuck shipping slop
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Hits:
- 4
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Whoever these asshole trolls are, they have messed with the wrong guy's friends. Dave Strider is not taking this lying down. He doesn't take anything lying down. Dave Strider is the proverbial top. Hmm, Rose would have a field day with that figure of speech.
Whoever these fucking humans are, Karkat is going to make sure they know how little he wants to speak to them. Even if he's being forced to. How has it come to this? He's meant to be the gogdamn leader.
OR
The trolls have won sgrub and are stuck in space in their new universe.UPDATES EVERY MON-FRI @ 00:00 GMT
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It's Dracula but with Homestuck characters. Not much more to say on the matter.
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John lets himself in and climbs the stairs to the second-floor studio, where the piano lives, flicking on the lights as he goes. It’s well after most classes and dance companies have retired for the evening, and he usually has this place all alone. It’s a little lonely… but it’s better than nothing.
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AKA: John Egbert is a pianist, and Dirk Strider is the principle male dancer of a ballet company. After both getting out of long-term relationships, John and Dirk meet. -
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Nearly three hundred years after the destruction of Earth at the hands of the Alternian Empire, Dave Strider enlists into the military in order to escape the colony work planet he was born on.
Karkat Vantas is masquerading as a rustblood on an Alternian imperial battleship, counting down the days until he is inevitably exposed as a mutant.
Dave and Karkat are pulled into one another's orbit by their respective societies' circumstances, then catapulted into something they could have never thought possible.
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Jake and John go to Grandpas.
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Dave finally agrees to let June paint his nails. It doesn’t exactly go as planned.
{sequel to both “hot chocolate” and “closer encounters”}
Series
- Part 3 of the old wounds au
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,029
- Chapters:
- 1/?
- Kudos:
- 4
- Hits:
- 48
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Your name is JADE HARLEY. [...] It has been a FEW WEEKS since you began your journey through the YELLOW YARD, and you are frankly having A BIT OF A SHIT TIME. Your MANY INTERESTS have not helped to improve your DOWNHEARTED MOOD all that much, as you have experienced a FUNDAMENTAL DISRUPTION to your SENSE OF SELF after your ascension to GOD TIER.
Basically, taking "Dog Dick Jade” seriously.
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The Dersite royal family are famed for their powerful magic, but Prince Dave does not have any. Prospit is an insular nation who believes magic to be inherently corrupting and wicked, and yet Princess Jade has magic flowing through her veins. When their marriage is arranged to end a centuries-long war, they have a lot to figure out.
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The Gods turn out to be a teensy wee bit more mortal than they initially expected.
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A big, fat line of D’s ran down his screen—honestly, not that different from normal, all things considered.
But at the bottom, written in bright red letters, all caps, bolded for stupid emphasis as if he couldn’t tell something really fucking bad from something really fucking maybe okay actually, spelled his inescapable doom: MINIMUM GPA REQUIREMENT NOT MET, STUDENT ON ACADEMIC PROBATION UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. SEE ADVISOR IMMEDIATELY.
Fuck.
Dave Strider is a junior in college and nearing the end of his rope. After two years of fumbling his way through his computer science and engineering classes, the other shoe has finally dropped: he's fucked it up. Coping comes in the form of a loud-mouthed barista that Dave can't seem to do anything except enrage, while Karkat seems incapable of getting Dave to fuck off for good, for better or for worse. With a month-long winter break looming, loneliness begins to set in. Shit gets dire, bro.
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John has made his choice. It was the only choice for him. Now nothing shall be the same...
Series
- Part 2 of Homestuck: Candied Meat
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June picks Dave up from the airport and the two proceed to have a wildly successful first date together after many years of socializing exclusively over the internet.
{prequel to "hot chocolate"}
Series
- Part 2 of the old wounds au
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Not a proper fic! Just me talking about my favorite thing for an extended period of time!
Also, to clarify, my name is Eridan, I have a serious Homestuck problem so yes I named myself after Eridan fucking Ampora.
Im going to show this to my psychiatrist so I can finally get my autism diagnosis
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It's the day after John's 14th birthday!
John's having a rough one and Jade isn't very good at being comforting. Thankfully, Davesprite is also there.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,506
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 3
- Hits:
- 17
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Karkat practically flies up the stairs to the meteor’s roof. He can’t hear anything over his own breathing, but he feels the snapping of blood from blood.
He feels when things are wrong. And oh fuck, are they ever wrong. He feels like he’s going to throw up, but he just forces himself to fall up the steps even faster. Don’t be late again. Don’t fucking do that, Vantas.
He stumbles out, heaving in breaths as he takes in the scene, brain working furiously to compensate for the terror thrumming in his veins and the pounding of his head.
(Updates Sundays)
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John Egbert is a researcher at the SCP foundation. Wanting to prove himself he wishes to take on a case that has been dormant for years. None of his colleagues have been able to crack this particular subject and he feels that it was time to give it a shot with a fresh face. Namely his fresh face. Though the other does not see responsive at first John had many ways to get through to them. Though the more he learns about his subject the more he starts to understand how cruel his own foundation could be and what drove him there in the first place.
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Five kids all got stuck in a bad situation. Two of them act happier in an attempt to avoid being bothered by the situation. One of them is incredibly fed up with being stuck in here. One of them has a long-term plan to escape. And one of them has decided that no matter what, he will make sure the other four get out of this situation, even if he doesn't.