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In spite of his usual restless spirit, Celegorm hadn’t moved in some time. He sat in a high-backed armchair at one end of the balcony, partially concealed beneath the pergola and the vines wrapped around it. When he’d first taken a seat there, you and Maglor practising some melodies on the main section of the balcony, you’d sent him repeated glances.
Had he wanted your attention? No, Celegorm was always far more brash and loud about things like that. Loneliness, perhaps? It was rare that such melancholy overcame your husband but not unheard of. Or maybe Celegorm was simply bored – as he often got if it had been too long since his last expedition. And considering that most of his usual hunting partners had been busy with other things recently, that was a very real possibility. Whatever the reason, though, you decided it was probably best to leave him be. You’d long since learned that no one could brood better than the sons of Feanor and most of them (save Caranthir and Maedhros) could pull themselves out of it in their own time.
After sending him another fleeting glance, to which Celegorm responded with another benevolent smile, you turned back to your harp, turning back into your debate with Maglor over which chords would best accompany the melody he’d written.
Celegorm’s eyes stayed fixed to the back of your head, hyper-focused even if he’d intentionally schooled his body language into something more nonchalant. As he watched your hands move on the instrument as you made a suggestion to Maglor (which his elder brother immediately agreed with), Celegorm tried not to pout – though it was a challenge.
He couldn’t help but envy Maglor at that moment. The two of you had a bond, an understanding, that Celegorm himself could never hope to emulate with you. Whilst the two of you loved each other deeply, dearly and unconditionally, Celegorm wished more often than he’d admit to that the two of you had more interests in common. He’d long since accepted that hunting didn’t grip you in the same way it did him, and you were content with the fact that Celegorm didn’t love music in the same way that you did too.
But… still. There was a need there, niggling at the back of Celegorm’s mind – the need to be close to you in as many aspects as he could manage. Music was obviously important to you and therefore it was only fair that he understood its importance too. The conversations you had with your friends or the enthused rambling you sometimes did over the meal table were all but lost on him, unable to read sheet music or even understand what a treble clef was. Celegorm couldn’t have contributed no matter how much he wanted to.
Not only that, but Celegorm couldn’t help but be a little put-out by how much time you were spending with Maglor. No, no, not jealous – he absolutely was not jealous of his wife and elder brother, thank you very much. Celegorm wasn’t clingy, he wasn’t needy , and he certainly didn’t care who you spent your time with. Nope, not one bit. What it did do, though, was unsettle him. After all, it was his job to look out for your best interests, wasn’t it?
Celegorm knew there was a way to kill two birds with one stone. Music had never been a passion of his – not least because he had issues with the delicate hand movements and understanding the nuances of what elements compromised a piece of music. Furthermore, as a child, Maglor may have been a little… possessive of being the only musical one in the family. A lute Celegorm had been given for a name day celebration one year went missing under mysterious and suspicious circumstances. And so, since then, Celegorm had abandoned any lingering interest in music he might have had. Now though, he had other motivations to pick it back up again.
Silent and determined, Celegorm stood. Neither you nor Maglor looked up from your work, too focused on scrawling notes over the page of a book and correcting each other at every opportunity. Celegorm had seen one of your music sheets before and to him, it was an indecipherable language shared by only a select view – another thing you shared with Maglor and not him.
Celegorm cleared his throat and intentionally scuffed his feet to gain your attention. Your head snapped up and when the two of you locked eyes, your smile was almost reflexive.
“Will you teach me how to play the harp?” He asked instead of starting out with a greeting. Celegorm was always abrupt, especially when things mattered to him. The tension in his tone caught your attention but you neglected to comment on it. Just as you opened your mouth to reply, Maglor barked out a harsh laugh.
“You?” He snarked. “The harp? I can hardly think of anything more ridiculous.” Maglor scoffed and continued to chortle to himself. You watched as Celegorm’s eyes fell to his feet. Whilst his body language remained strong and defiant, you knew that your husband was a whole lot more sensitive than met the eye.
“I want to learn.”
“Oh, do you, now? Want to play with the big boys?” Maglor mocked. He might have been the gentlest in his family but he could still be cruel and cutting when the occasion called for it. And like in your own family, the bickering of siblings could easily turn harsh. Though Celegorm was more than capable of sticking up for himself, you didn’t have the stomach to sit in the middle of an argument at that moment. Celegorm was already bristling, you could tell.
“Cease , Makalaurë! We’ve done more than enough for the day – the concert is three weeks away yet, we have more than enough time to finish this later.” That much was true, though it had been you who insisted that you both composed that day, wanting enough time to practise and iron out any kinks before the performance. Then you turned to Celegorm. “Of course, I can teach you darling! Why the harp specifically?”
‘Because you play the harp’ Celegorm wanted to say, though he would never admit to such out loud. Instead, he shrugged, eyes flicking between you and Maglor as if daring someone to comment.
“Now?” You asked. Maglor made another disapproving noise and began to collect his books.
“Please.” Celegorm rarely said please, and usually only ever to you. If you hadn’t already suspected that there was more to meet the eye with this, you certainly did now. You blinked once, and then again, and turned to Maglor.
“I’ll see you at dinner?” Maglor’s responding glower was a powerful thing. But, for reasons unbeknownst to you, he didn’t argue.
When the balcony was empty save for you and Celegorm, you turned to your husband with your lips pressed into a line. Though you wanted to ask what his spur of the moment interest in the harp was all about, you knew better than to question him directly lest he turn into a defensive clam. So, instead, you turned your thoughts towards how best to teach him.
You’d taught many people to play the harp, though most of them were either children or already learned in a different instrument. This was the first time you’d have to teach an adult the basics of music too. As well as Celegorm’s relative inexperience to contend with, there was also the sheer size of him too. Noldor were known for their great height and the sons of the royal family even more so. You had always found it rather deceptive that Maedhros was named ‘the tall’ when, in fact, his brothers too were giants – and Maedhros was hardly even the tallest in his own family (Turgon, you knew, had a few inches on him). Immediately, you knew you could discard the idea of having him sit on your lap like you did with the clumsier children.
“Right then – since it’s already tuned, you can use mine.” You stood from the stool you’d been occupying and took a step back, motioning for Celegorm to take your place. He followed the silent direction quickly and you were pleasantly surprised to note that he appeared to be taking the lesson seriously. Celegorm settled, looking to you for direction. “We won’t have you playing like a professional in an hour, but we’ll start with the basic chords that make up most songs and go from there, alright?”
“Will you teach me a song you wrote?” You had to admit, Celegorm’s question caught you off guard. You’d never considered yourself much of a composer – certainly not on Maglor’s level, for instance. Most of your own tunes tended to be short and sweet. Despite that, the sentiment behind the question touched you – and gave you more of an understanding as to why Celegorm was interested in learning in the first place.
You resisted the urge to coo at him. You’d learnt quickly that it never went down well with your husband unless he was asleep. And he did look very cute whilst sleeping…
“Do you have one in particular in mind?” You asked, voice light. You stepped up behind him, allowing him to lean his back against the tops of your thighs. He gazed up at you through his lashes, lacing your fingers when you put a hand on his shoulder.
“That one… shit, how does it go…” Celegorm began to hum it under his breath lowly. You allowed yourself a smile, partly because if you didn’t, you’d explode and but also since his humming was very out of tune. Still, you knew which one he meant. It was one you often hummed or played in the evenings right before bed and always seemed to calm your husband down from his restless, hyperactive moods. Now that he’d asked for that song in particular, you knew it wouldn’t have made sense if he’d asked to learn anything else.
“Alright.” You bent and pressed a quick kiss to Celegorm’s hair. Although he was usually happy to dote on you to his heart’s content, Celegorm was less comfortable in receiving affection in front of others. Since you were alone, though, he accepted the kiss without comment. “Ok, so for the first chord, you need this hand like this-“ You took Celegorm by the wrists, and then by the fingers, positioning them on the strings. He quickly took the hint and manoeuvred his hands as directed. “Yep,” You moved your hands away, leaving Celegorm in position. “Now give it a gentle pluck.”
Barely a noise was produced.
“A little harder, sweetheart. Don’t pinch like you would when skinning a chicken, you need to-“
Celegorm plucked the strings again. In his defence, you had told him to pluck them harder – but it seemed that Celegorm had gone from one extreme to the other. There was a loud, off-tune twang before the string snapped. The pair of you flinched backwards to avoid the recoil of the metal wire, it barely missing Celegorm’s fingers.
Then there was silence. Celegorm was tense in front of you, evidently expecting anger. He found none. You simply stared at the harp for a while, somewhat baffled. Never had you seen anyone break a harp string before. You’d heard of students doing it purposefully, of course, but it wasn’t exactly something that someone could do by accident. Well, it seemed Celegorm had proved you wrong on that last part.
“You… you broke my harp…” The surprise on your face was quickly waning and you fought for it not to be replaced with disappointment. You could get it restrung in a day or so, but still – it meant a day or so of not being able to practice and a hearty ‘I told you so’ from Maglor.
“I… fuck, I’m sorry – you can’t believe I did this on purpose! I just… you play the harp and I wanted to understand that… wanted you to be able to share that with me and for me to know what the fuck you were talking about… it was a fucking stupid idea, I’m sorry I even mentioned it.” Celegorm’s face was uncharacteristically red. There wasn’t much that made your husband embarrassed but failing you was certainly one of them.
When he hastily moved to stand, you set a firm hand on his shoulder, asking more than telling him to stay in place. What had you done to deserve such a partner? Celegorm might act like a cock-sure asshole at times (some would say the majority of such) but you were privileged enough to see the vulnerability underneath.
“I promise you, my love, this is not stupid. Far from it, actually. I would talk to you about my music more often, but I didn’t want to bore you! But now that I know you’re actually interested – you have my word that you’ll get a front row seat to all my monologues. I’ll even teach you the basics in theory too so you can understand without having to learn how to play.” You smiled as Celegorm’s broad shoulders relaxed with something akin to relief.
The corners of his lips turned upwards and you knew that was the closest you’d get to a smile that day considering his earlier embarrassment. That didn’t matter to you, though, you could just count yourself thrilled that Celegorm was willing to learn about something he hated in order to be close to you.