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Finding out he was a spare parts baby was horrifying enough on its own, but the fact was that Chimney was the one who had been told by Maddie first and Chim couldn't keep someone else's secret to save his own life. In no time the rest of A shift knew and from there it swiftly spread to the whole house. And probably outside of it too, Jesus.
As a result, Buck didn't only have to contend with being a failed experiment and having his sister lie to him his whole life, he also had to swallow that the co-worker who liked to hit him where it hurt knew about this big family secret before Buck did and told the rest of their colleagues all about it. As if it was nothing. As if that gigantic secret didn't revolve around Buck and he, therefore, should have had a say in who exactly knew.
The answer was no one, by the way. He had not yet been able to process anything and he definitely had not been ready to let anyone else in on this 'saviour sibling' thing. Not that it mattered. That decision had been taken entirely out of his hands. Thanks, sis.
Buck just wanted some time to wrap his head around this bitter truth. Instead he had to ignore all the looks full of pity and the not-so-discrete gossip. In addition, he was also expected to support his teammates through their emotional responses to his tragic back story that he'd only just learned about himself.
What. The actual. Fuck.
No, really. What the actual fuck?!
Why in seven hells did he have to be the one to comfort other people about his sob story, especially when all of them had a support system of their own?! He didn't want to know how they felt about any of this shit. He wasn't fucking interested! Why were they telling him? Why were they hugging him and crying on his shoulder?! None of them had even once asked him what he needed. Or, you know, offered him any sort of help. Aside from Eddie, of course. Eddie was his rock. Not that Buck used him as a touchstone, because frankly he couldn't deal right now. He was forced to acknowledge and hear about the saviour sibling thing way too fucking much, while he hadn't had any opportunity to process it at all. Eddie would listen, he knew. But talking about this with Eddie would taint the one safe haven he'd managed to create in the fire family and he simply didn't want to. Not now. Maybe never, with how things were going.
'For fucks sake people, this is none of your business!' He should be the one determining whether or not he wanted to talk about this! Banging on that he 'should' talk, because it was 'healthy' had actually nothing to do with Buck and everything to do with his colleagues wanting to feel better about themselves by managing to 'help', regardless of Buck's needs, or hell, his rather loudly voiced opinions.
---
On top of all of this, Chimney had been harassing him on and off shift about contacting Maddie, since she 'was so distraught and she hadn't meant to hurt him' and 'she was very pregnant and stress wasn't good for her or the baby, don't be so selfish, Buck'. But Buck was done. D. O. N. E. Done. Maddie had brought that shit on herself, first by lying to him all his fucking life and then by ambushing him with their parents' visit and guilt tripping him into attending that dinner. Not upsetting Maddie, as it was bad for the baby, had been one of the main reasons he went to that dinner in the first place. He'd had no intention to let those people back into his life. Sure, he'd missed having parents, but it wasn't as if Margaret and Philip Buckley ever had fulfilled that role in the first place. Not to him, at any rate. He missed an abstract concept, nothing more.
And now he suddenly found out that the reason he was alive at all, was not because he had been wanted or even because he had been an oops baby or bastard that his parents decided to keep. No, he had been created for a sole purpose. More than that, he had been specifically engineered in a lab for one specific goal. That on its own was mindboggling enough. However, he knew down to his very bones that even if the transplant had succeeded, even if Daniel had lived, he would still have been unwanted by his parents. He only ever was a thing in their eyes and then it turned out 'it' didn't do what 'it' was designed to do and they were stuck with 'it' and no son to show for all their troubles. Yeah, no wonder they hated him. It explained everything about his childhood and his mostly non-existent relationship with the donors of his genetic material. Why the hell would Maddie keep insisting their parents loved him? Jesus. Was she that delusional? He couldn't understand, now more than ever.
It did shine a spotlight on the fact that Maddie had huge blinders when it came to Margaret and Philip Buckley. And she had to be putting them on willingly, since it had to take a shit ton of effort to keep convincing herself -despite all historical and present evidence- that her parents really did love her brother. Why was it so important to her? It had to be trauma talking. And if that was true then her judgement was suspect. Not just about those two pieces of shit, but probably about a boatload of other things too. Trauma, especially when rooted deep into childhood, touched on a fuck ton of stuff. It was difficult to distangle it from your perceptions and responses completely. He would know. It had been quite the ordeal to work through his trauma with Dr Copeland. He'd only made a little headway and it already had a lot of impact on him. Not necessarily in being able to change his behaviour, but in understanding himself and other people. And that was before this mother of all secrets had landed in his lap. Working through that alone was going to require so much time and effort. And that didn't even touch on the frankly weird and stressful behaviour his colleagues eagerly indulged in after Chimney had dropped that truth bomb.
---
There was another reason why he had been avoiding Maddie. The secret, her lying, Chim knowing about it before him, his co-worker's responses. He was honestly overwhelmed and this time he finally didn't feel responsible for his sister's well-being. She literally brought this on herself. She made this bed, she got to lie in it. It was frankly not his problem.
Letting go of that desire to manage Maddie's happiness had been both terrifying and so very relieving. He didn't have the words to describe it. It felt like an old hurt dissolving into nothingness and he could at long last simply... Breathe.
He'd still had to block her phone number and filter her emails just to stop his knee-jerk attempts to soothe his sister. His heart had hammered in his chest and he'd felt so scared he'd felt nauseated, but he'd accomplished it with his therapist's help. Of course, he'd first sent Maddie a message that he needed some time to process everything and that he would contact her when he was ready. He didn't want her to be blindsided, despite... Everything.
Given the fact that Chimney was now harassing him, Maddie didn't take the message well. Buck had had no problem blocking Chim though. Unfortunately, Chimney simply harassed him on shift in retaliation. Buck had alerted Bobby to the situation, but his captain's attempts to police Chimney's behaviour were lacklustre at best. Sure, if they happened right under his nose, he told Chimney to reign it in at work. Not a ringing endorsement, that. Additionally, the definition for 'under his nose' ended up being very literal as well. Buck might have also been subjected to a lecture or several about second chances, perhaps, or the delicacy of pregnancy. Who knew? Buck sure didn't, since he turned around and walked away every. single. time.
The blond was so very glad for Eddie's support in this cluster fuck. He was honestly angry enough to have bulldozed through it on his lonesome. However, it felt great to realise he wasn't entirely alone in this. Besides, thanks to Eddie and his Abuela he now had a place to hide away from Maddie in peace. Chimney had not been amused the shift after Maddie had decided to pay Buck a visit. In turn, the younger man had been a little too obviously relieved to have dodged that bullet. Whenever Chim got too overbearing, though, Buck had parked himself at their captain's elbow and coughed pointedly in Bobby's direction every time Chimney went over the line. At one point it got so bad Eddie started to fuss very loudly that Buck must be coming down with covid, as he'd been coughing so damn much. The murderous glare spearing Cap had been a particularly nice touch. It had been heart-warming.
---
It was obvious that Buck was going to need to be the one to put down some seriously strong boundaries and hold fast to them, because Bobby sure as shit wouldn't. Luckily, Buck was here for it. You see, the blond had never liked how Chim liked to hit below the belt with his 'jokes', especially when it came to Buck. In addition, the younger man could also do some simple deductions. Like noticing increases in bullying behaviour on Chimney's part whenever he (or Buck) was on the outs with Maddie. It was frankly disgusting behaviour, because it showed that the other man knew very well that how he acted was unacceptable, since he refrained from doing it whenever he had a chance at getting into Maddie's pants.
Guess his sister's taste in men hadn't improved all that much. And guess Buck was once again paying the price for it. Thanks ever so much, sis.
The previous shift had been the last straw for Buck though. Seriously, it was a good thing they'd had their four days off afterwards or he would have strangled certain people. Fortunately, four days was enough time to schedule an extra therapy appointment and throw himself into some more research into toxic behaviour and how exactly to handle it. During his search, he'd stumbled onto a message board dealing with dysfunctional relationships with anyone, ranging from family members to co-workers. He'd devoured as much of it as he could during his time off. Hell, he kept returning in the lulls during his shift. These were people who'd been there themselves and who were willing to help others cut to the chase and wade through the bullshit. Seeing several toxic behaviours that he recognised detailed again and again with minor variations across vastly different circumstances had opened his eyes. His situation wasn't all that unique. Which also meant that all those responses that were offered up as solutions time and again, would work for him too.
He felt nervous and a little ill, just thinking about setting boundaries for Chimney, but he only had to return to the thread he had opened on that message board and read all the supportive comments to feel certainty thrumming through him. How Chim was treating him was absolutely unacceptable. And Bobby's wishy-washy behaviour was a disappointment, though not entirely a surprise. As a result, when Chimney zeroed in on him to harass him as soon as he had the opportunity, Buck squared his shoulders and said in his sternest voice, "One month." He looked Chim dead in the eye and didn't look away, hoping the other man would realise how serious he was. Chimney spluttered. "One month what? Is that supposed to mean something?!"
Buck tilted his chin up and reminded himself not to start explaining his reasoning, since others could use that to try and talk him around. No more. "One month was added to my time-out from Maddie due to your harassment right now. It's going to take at least two months before I will even consider contacting Maddie again." He wondered whether the older man noticed that he didn't guarantee he would be contacting his sister, just that he would consider it. Probably not.
"Two months?! The baby will be born by then! Are you seriously going to miss your sister giving birth, because of your selfishness?!" Chimney looked incredulous. It was obvious he thought Buck was bluffing, but he also seemed to be getting an inkling that something was wrong. Different.
And Buck was different. He'd been in therapy ever since that truck exploded, but it was difficult changing yourself, when everyone else stayed the same. Before he knew it, he was dragged back into old patterns. He was done. Small changes, speaking up a little, trying to stand his ground before caving whenever others pushed back. It didn't work. It was time to go big or go home, because he couldn't live like this anymore. The spare parts baby thing had been the catalyst. This? This was him putting himself first. Finally.
"Another month has been added, now three in total." Buck replied coldly. He stared at Chimney and saw several emotions ripple over his face. The other man's features hardened with anger. "I always knew there was something wrong with you, you piece of shit." He hissed. "You're nothing but a selfish asshole who only cares where he can stick his dick next. I never understood how you could be related to Maddie at all. Guess you were worthless from the very beginning."
Buck let Han spit his vitriol. He suspected this had been festering in the man ever since he had layed eyes on Buck. It definitely explained Han's somewhat erratic treatment of him. It was a relief, having it all out in the open. It might never have been stated so explicitly before, but it had been felt. Whether people consciously picked up on it or not. Better to know for sure. "Three months, now four in total. Keep. Going." Buck raised his eyebrows in challenge. Han curled his fists and puffed up in response, taking a threatening step closer.
"Alright, break it up, this has gone too far!" Bobby cut in. "Chimney to my office. Eddie, take Buck outside to cool off." Buck glanced at their captain impassively. The man was a bit late to the party, in his opinion, though he did prevent Han from throwing that punch like he so clearly wanted to. Physical violence was the line Bobby had drawn, apparently. Buck was not impressed.
---
Buck let Eddie steer him outside the station and around the corner of the building, his body working on automatic pilot. When they were out of sight his best friend silently pulled him in a tight hug and held him through the adrenaline crash. What was there to say? Buck squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his face in Eddie's neck. Grief fell on him like a ton of bricks. This was the ending of a friendship, if it ever existed in the first place. He sincerely doubted he would get to know his future niece or nephew all that well, given how their father felt about him. And Maddie? He wanted to say she wouldn't ever abandon him again, yet that's exactly what she had done for Doug. Why would this be any different?
"I'll probably have to transfer." Buck spoke quietly. "Then I will follow." Eddie responded. The blond leant back a little, so he could look Eddie in the eye. "You really mean that." His voice trembled. Eddie laid a gentle hand at the nape of Buck's neck and brought their foreheads together. "I've got your back. I let you down during the lawsuit, but I'm here now. I've got your back, Evan." He whispered. Soft lips were pressed, first to his birthmark, and then to the salty tear tracks on his cheeks. They might both have stared a little too long at each other's mouth, but this wasn't the time for it. Not right now. Not like this.
---
And to think, Buck simply had wanted some time to process in peace. But Maddie couldn't handle that and now everything had imploded spectacularly. Barely two weeks had passed since he learned the mother of all secrets, Jesus. He'd definitely earned that four-month-long time-out. Afterwards, he would see. He wasn't very optimistic, however. Maddie loved him, true. But would she be willing to respect him? He wasn't so sure and her behaviour so far didn't instill any confidence.
Only time would tell.