Work Text:
Every night Revan woke up from the same nightmare, wishing Carth had brought them somewhere to live with fresh air. Bringing her head up from where she pressed it into her knees, she faced the darkness of space and the slowly recovering surface of Telos IV. The restoration project had been slower in recent months, the reasons for which Revan was too exhausted to pay attention, but the patches of flourishing green beneath the space station looked as hopeful as ever. She took a deep breath in, imagining the rolling hills and wind on her face. All that filled her lungs was the stale air pumped through the vent in the ceiling. Still, she somehow doubted that sleeping anywhere else would stop her night terrors – she’d even gone through a phase of sleeping in her old quarters on the Ebon Hawk, the freighter gathering dust in one of the hangar bays. The familiarity did not ease her visions, perhaps they even made them worse. Seeing things was quickly getting old. Without glancing at her sleeping partner, Revan heaved herself from the bed, wincing as the freezing metal floor touched her feet. She crossed the room to the window that stretched from the floor to the ceiling of their quarters. Despite Carth’s elevated rank and Revan’s near-constant presence on the station, the room was sparsely decorated with only practical items. Their military backgrounds showed all too well. From where Revan stood, arms wrapped tightly around herself, she got a better view of not just Telos’ healing surface, but the star-speckled void that enveloped it.
Something in the dark called to her.
The vastness of the nothing behind the glass made the images burned into her mind clearer. A planet cursed with the constant gloom of night. The only light, brief and terrifying, came from twisted forks of lightning that cut through a neverending torrential downpour. Here, the darkness reigned eternal. Soon, the storm would spread, and there would be no escape.
Revan turned her focus back inwards to ease the threatening pounds of her heart, reciting as much of the Jedi code her anxious mind would allow. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no serenity, there is a storm coming. There is no escape, there is only death. If she closed her eyes, flashes of that awful planet taunted her. Whatever was baiting her, it had her hook, line, and sinker. If anyone was going to go hunt for an unknown planet, one possibly intrinsically linked to the Sith, in pursuit of some goddamn sleep, it would be Revan. She let out a heavy sigh and planted her forehead against the cool window, a dull thud echoing through the room.
“Careful, you’ll make a dent,” From behind, Revan could feel Carth smile wryly at her. Turning around, she could easily recognise the concern in his eyes. She could’ve kicked herself, how did she not realise he was awake? That pitying look on his face didn’t help, and he knew it. He didn’t fuss over her just yet, he always waited for her to approach him for comfort.
“Are you saying my skull’s thick enough to crack transparisteel? Charming.” Revan managed a smile back and didn’t hesitate to close the short distance between them. Carth took her in his arms instantly, and for a moment her visions were a bad memory. No mantra or meditation could settle her the same way he did, even if briefly. In the moment, it helped. But they knew they’d be back in the same place tomorrow, the next night, and the next night into infinity.
“Come and lie down,” Carth muttered into her hair.
“Here is fine,” She said.
“Was it the same again?”
Some weeks ago, Revan repeated every vague detail her visions gave her, hoping Carth could cross-reference it with a planet in the Republic database. Nothing came, naturally. Either the planet didn’t exist, or it was far beyond the reaches of known space. Of course it was.
Revan nodded, “Even the way the lightning strikes is the same.”
“You should talk to the Jedi Council about this, or at the very least Bastila.” He pulled away to plant his hands on her shoulders. Judging by the serious look in his eyes, he was going to try not taking no for an answer. Revan shook her head.
“What could they do? The planet isn’t in Republic space, do you think they’d send any of their own to the Unknown Regions?”
“Does it have to be any of them?” He said immediately, “We could go, just like old times.”
“No, I’m not having another adventure– I won’t have anyone putting their lives on hold for me.”
At this, Carth scoffed in that irritating way that reminded Revan of a time when she would have willingly slapped him across the face for laughing at her.
“I think we’re past that, don’t you?” His smile softens. As all the anger seeps out of her, it is replaced with the raw sadness that comes with being misunderstood. “This isn’t just about you, y’know. If this is the fate of the galaxy, are you seriously going to bear that on your shoulders?”
Revan bit her tongue and stopped herself from nodding. The absence of an answer was confirmation, Carth knew this as well as anyone. After Malak’s defeat at her hand, it seemed all Revan could do was remember. Her brutal actions were unearthed in painful detail when everyone else had gone to sleep. Many times he’d woken up to her screaming. The morning after, she wouldn’t say a word about it, haunted by a past she would never fully recall. She didn’t dare imagine what kind of state she would be in if Carth hadn’t stubbornly pulled her from her bed every morning, giving her the comfort of routine and the comfort of his love. Looking at him now, the only feeling that threatened to spill over everything else was guilt. He was wasting his time on her. The sooner he realised that, the better.
“I know that look,” Carth said warningly. Revan schooled her sorry expression. “Please, Revan. You aren’t alone in this, you know I’m– We’re–”
“You’re here for me. I know, my love, and I’m glad of it.”
The way Carth’s entire brain seems to restart when Revan stands on her tiptoes to kiss the corner of his mouth is enough to make her smile, if even for a moment. His hands trace down to her waist, pulling her closer.
“Then will you listen to me?” He asked, eyes full of hope. “Talk to Bastila, she’ll understand. Hell, you’ve got that bond, maybe she’s seeing the same things and picked up your bottling techniques.”
Revan gave him a look that made him reconsider that last comment, but she relented.
“If you think it’ll help, then I’ll do it. But I won’t speak to the Council unless we have to.”
Judging by the way things were going, it was looking more and more likely that she’d be paying the Coruscant temple a visit. Not exactly her idea of a good time. Carth spotted the dread on her face and pressed a kiss to her cheek, his stubble scratching on her skin.
“Deal. Now, am I gonna have to carry you back to bed, or are you walking?”
“The bed’s about ten feet away, Carth.”
“And I’ll carry you. See?” Before Revan could escape from his reach, Carth had swept her off her feet and was very pleased about it. Flinging her arms around his neck, she tried to contain her laughter.
“Five steps won’t kill me, what are you playing at?”
“Five steps could kill anyone, if there’s a conveniently placed mine in their way. Come on, bedtime.” His voice was short, comically no-nonsense. Revan could clearly spot a flash of pride at making her laugh. Allowing him that was the least she could do.
The five steps back to their bed were, naturally, uneventful. Carth laid her down, but instead of letting go of him, Revan let her hands travel upwards and held his face in her hands. He leaned into her touch, like always. Running the Republic fleet had barely aged him. He’d never been more in his element, always ready to jump back into the fray. Revan could only imagine what she looked like compared to him. The fray was forcefully dragging her back, whether she liked it or not, and she was determined to kick, bite and scream it away.
She must have had an odd look on her face, as Carth leaned in and kissed her, just enough to pull her from her own mind again. He pulled back first, pressing his forehead against hers.
“Get some rest. Plenty of time for thinking in the morning.”
Carth shuffled to his side of the mattress but did not lie down, instead taking her hand in his and letting her rest her head on his thigh. Revan couldn’t help the wave of drowsiness that flooded her senses, though the second her body went still visions of that damned planet clouded her thoughts. The only sunshine that cleared away the perpetual rainfall was the gentle thumb running over the back of her hand, anchoring her, keeping her safe. In the back of her mind, Revan couldn’t help wondering if she’d be able to do the same for Carth.