Archive of Our Own

Yeonjun chose this specific night to rest. Right after their quarterly meeting in the company regarding their upcoming schedules. Yeonjun immediately took note of the date that will grant him a night of peace amongst the red-circled-days. 

His planned night of rest is going well. Their managers brought their dinner, which are multiple servings of Korean food, ranging from cheese tteokbokki to fried chicken to corndogs, everything that they had missed while staying overseas for over a month. 

Yeonjun, with sudden luck from the game gods, had won the first round of rock-paper-scissors and got the chance to use the bathtub first. He chooses to indulge the night more as he brings out the Lush bath bombs that his cousin gifted him. 

Of course, Yeonjun has learned from the years of living with the other members, a peaceful night only exists in the realm of dreams and wishes.

While watching Frozen 2, a movie that he still hasn’t watched despite being one of Elsa’s biggest fans, a notification banner appears on top of his screen. He briefly recognizes Taehyun’s nickname, before exhaling loudly through his nose and pausing the movie to read what his member sent. 

Taehyun’s bed is literally a wall away from Yeonjun, couldn’t he say whatever he wanted with his voice? He could even do the same way Soobin and Beomgyu knock and scream at each other through the walls between their bedrooms, or through calling each other until five in the morning, Yeonjun’s brain bitterly whispers. 

Yeonjun opens the text nevertheless. 

He blinks once, twice. All the message contains is a link to a TikTok video followed by a disturbing amount of ㅋㅋㅋ. Yeonjun taps on the link anyway, curiosity winning over the desire to follow Elsa’s journey. Sorry Elsa, Yeonjun thinks as he waits for his phone to redirect him to TikTok. It takes time to load and when it does, Yeonjun’s brain takes time to process what he’s watching. 

It was a compilation of Beomgyu and Heeseung mentioning and interacting with each other. The creator made use of the ten-minute limit for the video. It ends with Beomgyu and Heeseung smiling as they whisper to each other, during the all artist ending stage from three days ago. 

After watching the entire edit two times, Yeonjun taps at the side, wanting to read the comments of their fans. It is important to know the reactions of the fans, monitoring is a part of their jobs, Yeonjun reasons as he scrolls through the comments. 

heeddungie: selca when 

soobiedoobie: they look sooo good together 

While Yeonjun agrees with user soobiedoobie, Heeseung and Beomgyu look good beside each other. But has user soobiedoobie seen Beomgyu and Yeonjun together? They look even better – no offense to Heeseung – and it’s obvious that it’s true because photographers like putting them together for unit shoots. 

kittyunnie: never knew i needed this duo until this edit 

ddubawariwari: collab when

Just like his thoughts about user soobiedoobie, user ddubawariwari should consider a Yeonjun and Beomgyu unit. Imagine Beomgyu’s deep voice and Yeonjun’s R&B vocals together in one song. That would be a huge hit in the charts. With the right amount of promotion from their company, it might even top Bilboard. In addition, Beomgyu could produce while Yeonjun writes the lyrics. It’s a good match. They would serve so much. See the best vision user ddubawariwari, Yeonjun thinks as he scrolls even further down the comment section. 

One of the comments catches his attention. 

bbeombbeom13: whenever beomgyu interacts with someone he looks like he’s been in love with them for years 

Now. 

Yeonjun pauses.

Now, that’s a comment. 

Yeonjun exits the comment section, his finger hovering above his phone screen as the TikTok video loops over.

Beomgyu has always been full of love. 

From the first time he stepped into the practice room, Yeonjun can remember him being so round and the sparkling eyes that looked around the room with wonder until it stopped at him. Yeonjun was frozen in his place until he snapped out of it and started his initiation. Usually, he would get a suspicious and wary stare or a calculating and envious side eye from the newest trainee, but with Beomgyu— hyung is so great and reliable then! — Yeonjun was able to feel his efforts were all validated and make his chest puff with pride. Until Beomgyu was pouring him a drink — cola in a glass, only half filled with ice  — with a light scolding on how his throat will continue to hurt if he continues to drink freezing cold drinks. 

There is a reason why they unanimously named Beomgyu as the most romantic member of their group. 

Beomgyu has countless ways to show love to the people around him. It can be as loud as giving expensive gifts on special occasions or as quiet as a reassuring hand squeeze in the darkness of their car. He shows his love in different ways and with sincere feelings. 

When Taehyun had started spending a lot of time in the kitchen trying to cook up a recipe he found online, Beomgyu had promised an always vacant space in his stomach to try out Taehyun’s dishes. Yeonjun had watched as Beomgyu claps and eats spoonfuls of Taehyun’s galbijjim, right when he just came home from eating dinner with his brother.

In one of their vacant weekends, Beomgyu had spent a full day handwashing all of Kai’s plush toys in one of their dorm’s bathrooms. He even went so far as to put them all up to dry under the sun on their balcony and made sure to arrange them all on Kai’s bed, surprising their youngest when he got home from visiting his sisters. 

At the end of their work day, Beomgyu always makes time to speak with Soobin, letting him rant and rave about anything and everything, from leader duties to the new bread he had for lunch. Beomgyu would listen attentively, responding timely and even, offering advice to alleviate the leader’s concerns. 

For Yeonjun, it was simple. A takeout from one of Yeonjun’s favorite restaurants waiting for him after his Inkigayo filming, but it would still be hot by the time Yeonjun takes his first bite. On nights Yeonjun feels drained, a short text message would be in his inbox, telling him that he has done a great job. 

So, Yeonjun repeats the video. He takes in every second of each clip with focus that rivals him during monitoring. And in each second, something green and ugly twists in his chest as he watches Beomgyu’s eyes crinkles as he smiles brightly at Heeseung. 

User bbeombbeom13 is right. Beomgyu does look like he’s in love… with Heeseung. 

With that, Yeonjun closes his phone and throws it at the farthest corner of his bed.

It is one thing to see a video edit, and another to see it right before his eyes. Yeonjun isn’t sure which is worse and he really has to work on controlling his facial expression. 

As if to rub it in his face even further, their schedule for the day is a practice for a collaboration with Enhypen for the upcoming year-end award shows. Naturally, they drift into smaller groups to catch up, which also means that Beomgyu and Heeseung are in a corner of the practice room, whispering and giggling about something on Beomgyu’s phone. 

This is all Taehyun’s fault, Yeonjun thinks, shifting his glare from Beomgyu and Heeseung’s corner and onto Taehyun who is kicking a ball around with Kai and Jake. Look at him acting as if he didn’t just ruin my life. 

“What’s wrong with you today?” Soobin asks, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. 

Yeonjun wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “Nothing.”

Soobin throws him a look, telling him that he does not believe him one bit. 

Yeonjun tries to act innocent, raising his eyebrows as if to ask what the other is talking about, only to see that Soobin has his leader face on. Having a semi-laid back personality, Soobin usually lets his members keep things to themselves or lets them off for a bunch of things, but when he is in his serious leader mode , even Yeonjun folds. 

Yeonjun sighs, his shoulders slumping in surrender. “Look, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m just a little more tired than usual. That’s all.” 

Soobin frowns. “Isn’t your special Yeonjun night supposed to be last night?” 

“Yes. But, you know— stuff.”

“Stuff?” 

“Yeah. Life throws us stuff when we least expect it, Soobin-ah. Lemons and lemonades. Listen to your hyung.”

“Why are you being so metaphorical? Did you search up motivational quotes on Facebook, again? Are you really that sleep deprived, hyung?” Soobin asks, looking partially concerned and partially disgusted at what Yeonjun just said. “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Why are you stuck here, glaring at Beomgyu and Heeseung as if they ate all your ramyeon and ruined your Lego castle?” 

Yeonjun whips his head to look at Soobin, a little wide eyed before answering abruptly, “I’m not glaring at them.” 

Soobin just stares at him unamused. “You are. Jungwon even had to ask me if there was something that happened between you and Heeseung.” 

“ Fuck. Nothing happened. Seriously.” He makes a vague gesture with his hand, hoping that Soobin would somehow make sense of what he’s trying to convey, even if Yeonjun himself doesn’t know what he’s trying to say. 

Something omniscient and knowing — a leader thing, Yeonjun guesses — passes in Soobin’s eyes, before he nods. 

“I’ll tell Jungwon that he has nothing to worry about and I’ll apologize to Heeseung later.” 

Soobin nods, satisfied with what he just said. And when Yeonjun thinks that he is finally off the hook, Soobin suddenly speaks again. “That’s enough for now . Come on, we need you at the center.” 

It’s three in the morning when Yeonjun wakes up to the sounds of their cupboard slamming close and someone cursing. His room is nearest to the kitchen, meaning any noise in the kitchen carries in his room. 

When he sees the time, he groans. He had just fallen asleep. There must be an important reason why someone’s in the kitchen right now, or else , Yeonjun thinks darkly, as he rolls to his side before jumping off his bed and leaving his room quietly. He lets out a soft yawn, padding through the dark hallway of the dorm. All the lights are off, but he can faintly make out someone rummaging through the shelf containing their stack of ramyeon with a phone on one hand. 

Yeonjun clears his throat softly, making Beomgyu turn to look at him with a startled expression. Adorable, Yeonjun thinks before shaking that thought away and tries to act as a responsible hyung. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and tries his best to muster a disappointed expression on his face. 

But then, Beomgyu fucking pouts at him. 

And just like that, Yeonjun deflates. 

It is no secret that Yeonjun is weak for his dongsaengs, something that they shamelessly take advantage of. But Yeonjun is even weaker for Beomgyu and weakest for Beomgyu’s pouts. 

Yeonjun sighs in defeat, uncrossing his arms before walking over to where Beomgyu is crouching. Yeonjun runs a hand through the younger’s messy hair, trying to smooth down the hair sticking out. The younger’s hair is sticking up in all directions, making him look like he’s trying to imitate their resident devil hedgehog, and no matter how many times Yeonjun tries to smooth them down, it goes back up. He then takes notice that Beomgyu is only wearing an oversized shirt that used to belong to Soobin, before it took a permanent place in Beomgyu’s closet a year ago.

“Beomgyu-ah, you’ll get a cold if you walk around like this,” Yeonjun scolds lightly, his hands quickly unzipping his jacket to give it to Beomgyu. 

He watches as Beomgyu puts on the jacket, the sleeves falling past his fingers, before he could let himself coo at the sight, he looks around at the state of the kitchen. There are two pans, a large pot, and an array of ingredients set on the counter. “Beoms, what are you doing so early?” 

Beomgyu smiles sheepishly, his finger tip coming up to scratch the corner of his lip, mumbling, “I was hungry, so I want to cook something to eat.” 

“You should’ve woken me up.”

“I don’t want to interrupt your sleep, hyung. I heard that you were tired earlier,” Beomgyu mumbles, his lips jutting into a pout. 

Yeonjun ruffles the younger’s hair fondly, before walking towards the stove, looking back at Bemgyu who looks at him. “Help me cook?” 

The two of them cook in silence. Communicating through tiny points of a finger, raised eyebrows, and a hand at the small of one’s back as they step around each other while they cook a very-late continuation of their dinner, or a very early breakfast. 

As the ramyeon boils down, under the warm glow of their kitchen lights, Yeonjun basks in the sight of Beomgyu enthusiastically scooping up the noodles into their bowls. At that moment, Yeonjun feels content, basking in the sounds of slurping and soft clicks of chopsticks hitting the insides of their bowls.

But then, he remembers the TikTok video, how Beomgyu and Heeseung kept on laughing together, and the promise of chatting together, 

Yeonjun stirs his ramyeon absentmindedly, his thoughts a tangled mess of the TikTok clips, the sound of Beomgyu’s giggles, and how he had promised to chat Heeseung. He glances across the table at Beomgyu, who is happily slurping his noodles, seemingly without a care in the world

Right after Yeonjun finishes eating, his back already sliding down his chair as he is an inch away from a food coma, Beomgyu breaks the silence. 

“Hyung, is there something bothering you?” Beomgyu asks, a noodle hanging comically from the corner of his mouth. 

Yeonjun swipes his tongue on his lips, still tasting the faint spiciness of the ramyeon they just ate, as he tries to calmly gather his thoughts. With Soobin already talking to him during practice, and now Beomgyu bringing it up, Yeonjun must have been really transparent. It also meant that it’s only a matter of time before Taehyun and Kai came to talk to him. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his mind running through a thousand excuses. 

“Don’t bother denying it. I’m sure that’s what you and Soobin hyung were talking about during practice,” Beomgyu deduces. He doesn’t wait for Yeonjun’s response before continuing. “Even Enhypen noticed. Heeseung told me.” 

Yeonjun’s face must’ve soured at the mention of Heeseung’s name because Beomgyu raises an inquisitive eyebrow at him. “Did something happen between you and Heeseung?”

Yeonjun turns away slightly, hiding his expression. He used to be able to hide his expression really well, but it seems to be failing him. I’m not usually like this. What’s happening to me? Yeonjun thinks. 

His shoulders slumps, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to escape Beomgyu’s line of questioning. Beomgyu can be pushy and stubborn if he wants to. Yeonjun knows that Beomgyu will continue prodding at him until he coughs up an honest answer that would satisfy the younger. So, he chooses the route that will answer both of their questions. 

“Beoms, do you like Heeseung?” 

“Huh?” Beomgyu blinks in surprise, then lets out a heart laugh. “Of course I like him. He’s my friend.”

Yeonjun shakes his head, before repeating his question, a little more firmly. “Do you like Heeseung? — In a not friendly way.” 

Beomgyu shakes his head, his eyes sparkling with amusement, before answering sincerely. “No. I only like him as a friend, hyung. Is that what’s been bothering you?” 

Yeonjun’s heart does this little flutter with relief that confuses him. Why is my heart acting this way? 

Despite his inner turmoil, Yeonjun nods at Beomgyu’s question, saying, “That’s… good.” 

“Silly, hyung,” Beomgyu chuckles as he reaches a hand to fondly ruffle Yeonjun’s hair. His hand is light and soft as it stays there, making Yeonjun stare straight at him. His expression turns more mischievous,“Why the sudden interest? Are you jealous that someone else would replace you in my heart? Don’t worry. I am still your forever number one fan.”

Yeonjun’s hands are cool against his face as he covers his rapidly warming cheeks and ears. “Yah. I’m not jealous. I just want to know.” 

Despite the teasing tone of Beomgyu’s laugh, it’s still music to his ears. Yeonjun would take all the teasing he would get from the younger, if it means that he would be able to hear his laugh. In the back of his mind, Yeonjun wonders if it’s selfish of him to like the idea that he is the only person awake to hear Beomgyu’s laugh at that moment. 

Beomgyu smirks, clearly enjoying himself. “You know, there is someone I like, but they can be pretty oblivious sometimes.” 

Yeonjun freezes, his mind racing. He clenches his fist under the table, away from Beomgyu’s sight, and tries to play it cool by asking, “Oh? Who’s that?” 

Beomgyu just smiles and shakes his head. “Never mind. I don’t think that door will be open for me anytime soon,” he says. His eyes are twinkling at Yeonjun but there is a trace of longing in his voice. 

If only Yeonjun is as brave as he is honest, he would acknowledge the shift in his chest. He would press Beomgyu to elaborate on what he just said. What does he mean that it won’t be open for him? And anytime soon? Is he pining for someone? 

“Let’s clean up before the others wakes up and scolds the both of us for not sharing,” Beomgyu jokes, deftly changing the subject. His voice is lighter, no traces of their previous topic, like he didn’t just turn Yeonjun’s mind into a topsy-turvy. 

It is the tenth time his phone has lit up in the past fifteen minutes. At every notification, Taehyun feels his blood pressure go up a few lines. And after a couple more notifications, Taehyun groans as he snuggles deeper into Kai’s chest. 

It is the thirteenth time Taehyun’s phone has lit up in the past ten minutes. At every notification, Taehyun feels his blood pressure go up a few lines. And after even more notifications, Taehyun groans as he buries his face into Kai’s chest. 

He feels fingers weave into his hair, softly massaging his head. “Who’s messaging you so aggressively at this hour?” 

“Yeonjun hyung,” Taehyun answers, his voice muffled by Kai’s shirt. 

Kai’s chest rumbles in laughter. “What is he saying?” 

Taehyun didn’t answer, patting the space beside him to look for his phone, opting to show his chat thread with Yeonjun instead. 

#beomjun #yeongyu #yeonbam

fondgyu and fondjun 

beomjun sweet moments 

The next day, Yeonjun wakes up armed with their newly updated schedule open on his trusty iPad — which he had to buy with his own money because he just planscourtkeeps on losing on To Do — and his notes application open on his phone. The group has a full schedule for the day — fittings, practice, stage rehearsals, salon, and an award show, then back at the company for a recording and more practice. He plans on sticking by Beomgyu’s side to know if there is an idol that the younger one likes because he is the best hyung ever . 

Through his trusted industry connections — the darlingz groupchat — he manages to compile a list of groups that they will encounter for the day. The list is extensive and sorted from where they might encounter them — company, stage rehearsal, salon, award show — and arranged from oldest to youngest with a short description of each idol. 

Wooyoung suggested that Yeonjun should also research the dating history of each idol on his list, but Changbin opposed saying that it is too much, even for Yeonjun’s obsessive Virgo tendencies. Serim and Haknyeon just laugh at each name that gets added on his list. Mark did not even bother opening the groupchat. 

Now that Yeonjun is laser-focused on watching who Beomgyu interacts with, he discovers that Beomgyu is friends with a lot of idols. A lot , Yeonjun thinks as his already long list grew even longer due to a scheduling mishap on their stage rehearsal. 

Yeonjun sighs as he, once again, types another name before opening his groupchat. 

Yeonjun  

since when did beomgyu know so many people?

Wooyoung  

lololol 

is mr. social butterfly scared that his dongsaeng is coming for his title? 

Haknyeon  

isn’t beomgyu also a part of a gc like this? 

Wooyoung  

ㅋㅋ 

looks like you still have a lot of work to do, yeonddunie :P

With an annoyed click of his tongue, Yeonjun locks his phone. His friends can be really helpful or really annoying, depending on which side a coin falls on. And right at that moment, they chose to be really unhelpful to Yeonjun. 

It’s bad that Yeonjun chose the award-and-year-end show season to start his Sherlock Cupid dreams. Award shows mean more idols. More people Beomgyu could talk to, be friends with, or be even closer to. Award shows mean more names to add on Yeonjun’s list. To see who Beomgyu would interact with, he made it his personal role for tonight to stick himself beside Beomgyu at all times. 

He remembers the times that he teased Beomgyu for having few friends outside of their group, forcing the younger to reach out to some same age idols. Knowing that he is sharing Beomgyu to a lot of idols is making him feel a little stuffy. Maybe the ventilation is bad with all these people here , Yeonjun thinks as he looks around, surveying the clusters of artists waving at their fans. 

Right after the closing stage, all artists would be gathering backstage, exchanging greetings and hugs. Normally, Yeonjun would be making his rounds, looking at too-familiar faces, getting introduced to other idols he still hasn’t made friends with, and adding more people to his Kakao contacts. However, tonight, for the first time since his rookie days and much to the surprise of his members, Yeonjun opts to stick around his group and just waving at the people he knows. 

“Good job onstage!” A cheerful voice exclaims from his side, as The Boyz’s Eric comes walking over. “ Lover with a dollar sign — is a loser! ” 

For a brief moment, Yeonjun assumes that Eric is going to approach him, but instead he sees Eric directly walks to hug Beomgyu. Okay? When did that happen? As far as he can remember, Eric is only friends with Soobin and Yeonjun in their group, and by the hug they just did, it seems like Eric is close to Beomgyu as well. 

Yeonjun walks behind the two, trying to listen to their conversation under the guise of looking for their manager. 

“Beomgyu-yah, the game last night was amazing. A smurf joined us and they singlehandedly shifted the game to their favor-” 

What the fuck is a smurf? Yeonjun frowns to himself. Those are real? Why would they play with blue-skinned gremlins?

“Oh! I almost forgot. I’ll introduce you to hyung!” Eric says, throwing an arm around Beomgyu’s shoulders as he directs the latter towards where the rest of The Boyz are standing. 

Introduce you to hyung? Yeonjun’s eyes follow Beomgyu, watching as he gets welcomed into the circle before getting introduced to one of the older members of the group — Hyunjae . 

He knows little about his sunbae. All he knows is the bare minimum stuff that anyone who reads Hyunjae’s kprofile page. Born on September 13 — just like Yeonjun, just a couple of years earlier. Had a brief one-episode acting gig in a webdrama — just like Yeonjun’s cameo, but Hyunjae was the main character. Hyunjae is also in demand for fashion magazines and has also bagged himself a couple of brand deals — just like Yeonjun. 

Basically, Hyunjae is like Yeonjun — just in a different font . 

Yeonjun shakes his head. What am I even saying? Why am I even comparing myself — with a sunbae too. He had learned so long ago, back when he was a trainee, that comparing himself to other idols is a doorway to a downward spiral. 

He has been acting weird the past few days. Maybe he can talk with their counselor. 

“Where’s Beomgyu?” Soobin asks beside him. 

Yeonjun doesn’t answer, still staring as Beomgyu shyly converses with Hyunjae.

Soobin must’ve followed his gaze, as he makes a sound when he sees Beomgyu. “Oh, he finally got introduced to Hyunjae hyung.” 

“You’re close to Hyunjae sunbaenim, too?” Yeonjun asks casually, trying to fish for more information. 

Is this why Haknyeon laughed when I asked if I should add The Boyz into my list?  Yeonjun takes note of his friend’s betrayal and is already drafting a strongly worded message in his mind to  send to his group chat for later.

“Not really. I just know him from the times that I played with him and Beomgyu. They’ve been playing together for a while now.” Soobin pauses, then he loudly snaps his finger, remembering something. “I got invited to a game last night with them. I’m not sure if Beomgyu played with them.” 

“No, he didn’t.” Yeonjun quietly says. 

“What was that?” 

“Beomgyu didn’t play with them. I was with him last night.” 

“Is that so?”

Yeonjun doesn’t bother saying anything else, choosing to silently watch Beomgyu throw his head back in laughter. 

The days after the gruesome back-to-back shows are always slow moving in Yeonjun’s opinion. Going from packed schedules that only leaves enough time for naps into having too much time that he’s started getting bored of sleeping. 

So, the moment that he heard Beomgyu enter the dorm, lugging what sounds like a huge cardboard box behind him, Yeonjun immediately goes out of the room to check the younger. Leading him to this very moment:: sitting on the floor of Beomgyu’s bedroom, an instruction manual on one hand and a piece of wood on the other, trying to make sense on how to build a shelf. 

Yeonjun is a man of many talents. He can pick up a choreography just by seeing it once, and performing it perfectly on the first try. He can churn out lyrics about anything and everything in a couple of hours. He can style clothes that no one else would wear, and pose in it good enough for a high fashion magazine. However, building a shelf is not to be added to his long list of talents. 

Yeonjun, age 24, known as the 4th Gen It Boy, defeated by a piece of furniture. 

Beomgyu drops his screwdriver with a loud whine, before falling backwards dramatically. He rolls from where he ends up laying down and to where Yeonjun is sitting cross-legged. He rests his head on Yeonjun, whining again, “Why do we suck so much at this?” 

“Because your concentration runs out after the first ten minutes at anything non-gaming or music-related,” Yeonjun says, still trying to make sense of which piece of wood goes at the bottom. Why do they all look the same? 

Beomgyu turns to glare at him. “You haven’t done much either, hyung.” 

Yeonjun ignores him, softening Beomgyu’s glare. Instead, he grabs what looks like a pair of legs and tries to screw it to the piece of wood he is holding. Or, at least, that’s where they are supposed to be according to the instructions. “Aren’t you glad that you have a dependable hyung to help? You’d be nowhere if I didn’t come and help you.” 

 “I can bother Soobinnie to help me,” Beomgyu retorts. “Maybe Kai and Taehyun would be a bigger help.” 

“Sure, they would like to be bothered on their rest day,” Yeonjun sarcastically says, finally finishing the bottom part of the shelf. “I finally did something. I don’t see you doing anything.” 

Beomgyu pointedly grabs his screwdriver and waves it in front of Yeonjun’s face. “Aish, you're stricter here than in practice.” 

They work in relative silence for a few moments, the only sounds being the turning of screws and the occasional grunt of effort. 

“You know, you could’ve just bought a built one. Or, call someone that could’ve done this. Saves us both the trouble,” Yeonjun says. 

“And miss out on this bonding experience with my dependable hyung? Never.” Beomgyu throws him a sickeningly sweet smile while fluttering his eyelashes exaggeratedly. “Besides, this shelf is about the satisfaction of building something with my own hands.” At Yeonjun’s eyebrow raise, Beomgyu smiles sheepishly before correcting himself. “Both our hands.” 

“If you say so.”

“It’s starting to look like a real shelf. I’m impressed, Yeonjun hyung. You could add this to your resume.” 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you slacking off and just watching me do all the work, Beomgyu.” 

Beomgyu groans, pointedly waving his screwdriver to Yeonjun’s face again. 

As he screws one of the levels of the shelf, he breaks the silence. “What are you up to these past few days?” 

Beomgyu hums noncommittally. “You know, the usual. Sleep. Game. Sleep. Eat. Weverse. Sleep. Game. Sleep.” 

“The full Beomgyu routine, huh?” Yeonjun chuckles, trying to make the mood light before he breaches the topic he’s been meaning to talk about. “Not going to the studio?” 

Beomgyu lets out a heavy sigh, his shoulder slumping down like there’s a sudden weight pressed on it. “Well, I want to go there and try to get something done. But, you know,” Beomgyu drifts off . Yeonjun watches as he lightly blows at the strand of hair that falls down on his face. It gently lifts in the air, before gracefully falling back to its place in Beomgyu’s face. “I still only have a blank page in my notebook.”

Yeonjun nods understandingly. He stops turning the screwdriver to give Beomgyu a pat on the back which earns him a grateful smile. 

“I think I’m having a block,” Beomgyu admits, a little embarrassed. He fiddles with a stray screw for a while, before he peers up to look at Yeonjun. “Have you had it before?” 

Yeonjun thinks for a while, ruminating on his trainee life and the earlier years of his idol life. “A couple of times before, but I wouldn’t call it a block— it’s more of a slump in my opinion.” 

It seems like his answer piques Beomgyu as he quickly sits up. “There’s a difference?” 

“A block is like your creativity completely shuts down. You can’t come up with anything. You can’t see anything that will motivate you to do something. Like there’s something holding you back? And because of that hindrance, you don’t feel like creating something. If that makes sense,” Yeonjun says. Seeing Beomgyu ponder on what he said, and getting a small nod from him, Yeonjun continues. “While in a slump, the creativity is there, the want to create is there, but you can’t come up with anything good. You don’t know how to channel that creativity, or it is not flowing properly, or the way you want it to.”

Beomgyu’s expression turns somber. 

The past few weeks have been hard on Beomgyu, and Yeonjun knows it. In fact, he and the other members had small and quiet talks about how Beomgyu is being so antsy due to a writer’s block. All of them don't know how to open the topic to Beomgyu, knowing how protective and sensitive he gets when his music is the topic. So, the past few days, they have been tiptoeing around Beomgyu, waiting for an opportunity to get him to open up, and the opportunity opened itself for Yeonjun.

“I think that’s a bad explanation, but it was like that for me. When I had this very bad slump, everything felt forced and uninspired and just plain boring. There’s a lot of doubt and frustration and just— it was a negativity overload.” 

“How did you get out of it?” 

“After a few days swimming in crumpled papers and eraser shavings, I just wrote whatever I think of. The words might not be connecting and the lines might be contradicting— I just write it down. I let myself express what my mind and heart is feeling that moment, let it all out, no pressure.”

Yeonjun laughs, remembering the pure monstrosity of a song that he created. The original draft is tucked in between the books he has in his room. From time to time, he reads it and feels like he’s nineteen again. 

“It sucked so bad, I made myself laugh at what I created for hours.”

“And that cured your slump?”

“Not really,” Yeonjun says, scratching the back of his neck. There’s a lot of information he’s leaving out, maybe one day he will be able to share it to Beomgyu. But he’s not brave enough to admit to himself, nor brave enough to let Beomgyu know about it. “I think a muse came for me at the right time.”

He takes a peek at Beomgyu’s reaction, wanting to see if there would be a hint of recognition or if he would push to know what Yeonjun meant. When he sees 

“Thinking about it too much and pressuring yourself is counterproductive.” Yeonjun installs the last divider. He smiles proudly at his handiwork before showing it off to Beomgyu. “You should distract yourself with other things. Put your energy out there and find something you’ll be able to help you work on your music. Go out and enjoy nature. Or be impulsive, like this sudden furniture purchase—” 

“This thing?” Beomgyu lightly kicks the now-finished shelf standing prominently at the corner of the bedroom. “Hyunjae hyung gave it to me. Said that he got it from their recent variety show? But he has no space in his room for it.” 

“This is from Hyunjae sunbaenim?”

Yeonjun looks at the shelf that he just built. He felt proud of himself for building it a few seconds ago, but now, he just want to pick the screwdriver back up and disassemble it. 

“Yeah,” Beomgyu says, standing up to clean the mess that they have made. “I think I mentioned wanting to arrange my room or something. Then he said that he has a shelf that I might want, I just accepted it because I’ve been meaning to buy one.”

“And he just gave it to you?” 

Beomgyu nods in affirmation. He stretches a hand to help Yeonjun stand up. 

Yeonjun hesitates for a moment, a question weighing heavily on his mind since the night at the award show. He finally finds the courage, his voice barely masking the tension he feels. “Is there something going on between you two?” he asks, trying to sound casual. 

Beomgyu stares at him for a second before bursting into laughter. The sound echoes through the quiet room, but the sound of Yeonjun’s nervous heart is louder in his heart. When Beomgyu finally takes notice of the serious expression on Yeonjun’s face, his laughter dies down, replaced by a look of concern.  

“Wait, are you serious? Me and Hyunjae hyung?” 

Yeonjun nods, his lips pulled into something between a smile and a grimace. There’s a weird mix of hope and dread that swirls in him as he waits for Beomgyu’s answers. 

“Oh, no, no,” he says, shaking his head. “We’re just friends. Beside, Hyunjae hyung is madly in love with his boyfriend , Younghoon hyung.” 

Yeonjun feels a wave of relief wash over him, though a hint of jealousy still lingers. As Beomgyu gazes at him with such sincerity, Yeonjun decides that it's enough for him.

He fidgets with his hands, glancing down at them before mustering the courage to look back into Beomgyu’s eyes. His heart races, and  he feels a warm flush creeping up his neck. 

Yeonjun hesitates a little before speaking, “Hey, Beomgyu. Want to go to the park?” 

The park is nothing grand. In fact, it is just a couple of steps higher compared to a vacant lot. But, within the little patch of grass encircled by tall trees, the young them found their home in the city. Yeonjun remembers running to the park after practice, eating a box of chicken and a couple of kimbap rolls that they paid with their collective spare change. The grandma who owns the fried chicken place they frequent makes sure to put extra pieces and sometimes, even goes as far as adding some side dishes. 

Sometimes, they would eat silently, trying to preserve the remaining energy inside their body. Sometimes, they would be noisy, trading stories about the practice sessions that they mostly share with each other. Most of the time, they would play around; Taehyun and Kai chasing each other, Beomgyu strumming his guitar, Soobin silently munching on his food and Yeonjun would fondly watch all of them with a wide smile on his face. 

Sooner or later, all of them would end up lying down on the grass, staring up at the twinkling stars of the night sky, and talking about their dreams. 

However, for tonight, it is only Yeonjun and Beomgyu. 

Nights like this used to be frequent back then, too. Yeonjun would see Beomgyu getting quiet and his stare faraway, missing his home in Daegu. So, Yeonjun would silently pull Beomgyu to eat outside, ordering a cup of ramyeon, two rice balls, and a bottle of carbonated juice for the both of them. 

It’s colder than Yeonjun expected. His gray hoodie does a good job of blocking the wind, but not quite thick enough to keep his body heat in.

While walking the perimeter of the park, the two of them talk about the past, how young they all were when they started. Now, 4 years later, they have achieved most of the dreams they talked about and are listing new ones. Yeonjun still dreams of bigger stages, meeting their fans all around the world, and receiving awards.

Yeonjun has always found it easy to talk to Beomgyu. They have the same humor; they can exchange a look and laugh at the smallest things. They also share inside jokes that no one else would be able to understand. Beomgyu also has witnessed the majority of his hardships; seeing his tears after a harsh criticism of his performance after an evaluation, he knows how Yeonjun would try to cover up his tears by saying his muscles hurt because of too much practice. 

He thinks that he will always find it amazing how moments like this, where they’re just walking side by side, talking about their past, present, and future — Yeonjun feels the most content. Like he would be satisfied to do this for the rest of his life. 

Time has blurred for him, making him believe that Beomgyu has always been by his side. He hopes it stretches far enough that Beomgyu would still be by his side in the future. 

An hour must have passed by when Yeonjun started to actually feel the chill of the wind. He has been doing his very best to pay attention to what Beomgyu is saying, while putting his very best effort to make his shivering not obvious to the younger. He doesn’t want to break the moment that they are sharing, who knows when he will be able to have Beomgyu all for himself again, so Yeonjun tries to subtly pull his hoodie tighter against him. 

There’s the sound of a zipper, and the next thing Yeonjun knows, Beomgyu is shoving his jacket in front of him. Yeonjun pushes it back towards Beomgyu. “What? No. Keep it on. I should’ve grabbed a coat or thicker jacket when we went out.” 

“Hyung, it’s like you don’t know me,” Beomgyu scoffs, starting to whack the sleeves of his jacket against Yeonjun’s arms. “I’m stubborn as hell and I wouldn’t hesitate to whine at you until you take the jacket.” 

Yeah. You are also as caring as hell, Yeonjun thinks. 

Beomgyu is an expert in bending lines into his favor. He would be the first person to push it, but he would also be the first person to apologize when he pushes too much. And, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to win against Beomgyu’s whining, Yeonjun huffs and accepts the proffered hoodie. 

Yeonjun wiggles his arms into it, before letting Beomgyu zip it up. The shoulders are a little too tight than his usual hoodies, but he relishes in it, letting himself be hugged by Beomgyu’s warmth. Like he’s being hugged by the younger. The hoodie is so warm, and cozy, and it smells like Beomgyu’s body wash with a hint of his hair spray. 

“At least tell me if you want the jacket back,” Yeonjun says lightly, following Beomgyu’s steps. 

For almost an hour, they walked circles around the park, pointing out the newly planted flowers and how the trees had changed since they last came here. The stars above them twinkles like a thousand tiny lanterns, and the calmness of the park feels like a warm blanket draped over them. 

From time to time, Yeonjun steals glances at Beomgyu. His eyes seem to sparkle brighter than the starlit sky, and it’s light warming Yeonjun’s heart. The easy laughter and gentle conversation they share feels like a sweet melody resonating in the quiet night. 

“So, feeling a little inspired?” 

Beomgyu shrugs. “I don’t know… Maybe I should take a break from production, at least for a while.” 

Yeonjun purses his lips. “Let’s keep walking. Then, some other day we can go back here or we can go some other place till we find you

“You’ll accompany me?”

“Sure. Anytime you want,” Yeonjun says. Then, noticing slight shivers and reddening of Beomgyu’s cheeks, he asks, “Do you want to go back now?”

“Let’s walk for a little more.” 

Eventually, they decide to head back, their steps reluctantly turning towards the patch back home. Every step nearing the dorm, Yeonjun feels a bittersweet emotion. How does one long for a moment that they are currently experiencing? He knew that this night would end. That they would go back to their rooms, possibly only seeing each other when it’s time to eat, or bumping into each other on the way to the bathroom, or when their schedules start again.

Beomgyu’s eyes, illuminated by a street lamp, meet Yeonjun’s, and in that shared glance, Yeonjun feels a silent promise. This moment, this feeling would be cherished by them. And, if time permits, they would repeat this night again.

“I thought idiots don’t get sick,” Yeonjun teases, but his actions are the opposite. He uses the back of his hand to feel Beomgyu’s forehead. “Your temperature is still high. I’ll look for our thermometer to check accurately. What do you want to eat, Beomgyu-yah? Hyung will cook it for you.”

Beomgyu shakes his head defiantly, before pulling his blanket up to cover his face. Normally, Yeonjun would coo at how adorable the Beomgyu is, however, he hasn’t eaten anything nor drank any of his medicine.If not-sick Beomgyu is picky with his food, sick Beomgyu is even pickier. 

Yeonjun sighs, pulling a piece of chocolate chip cookie from a paper bag he brought. At the sound of rustling, Beomgyu’s eyes peek out curiously, before widening at the sight of the cookie. 

When he was told about the story of how young Beomgyu would only eat cookies from one specific bakery, Yeonjun made the effort to ask Beomgyu’s father for the name. He took note of it, knowing that the information would be handy. Luckily for Yeonjun, the bakery has a branch in Seoul, and in difficult times — Beomgyu refusing to do something — he would buy a box of cookies for him. 

A hand tries to sneakily snatch the cookie that Yeonjun is holding, only for it to be pulled away quickly. “I will give this to you, if you promise to drink all your medicine and to eat the soup that Taehyun had cooked for you.” 

Beomgyu makes sure he sees his eye roll, before his gaze turns back to the cookie that Yeonjun’s holding. 

Yeonjun can see the slight hesitation in Beomgyu’s eyes and knows that he would be winning. Beomgyu slowly reaches for the cookie again, making Yeonjun smile. I know him well. 

“Beomgyu-yah, you promised,” Yeonjun gently reminds him, before handing the cookie over. 

Beomgyu nods as he takes a small bite of the cookie. 

“Are you in pain anywhere?” 

Beomgyu answers in small shakes of his head.  

“That’s good. Maybe you just need to sleep it off and you’ll recover quickly.” Yeonjun nods to himself. At this point, he is more likely assuring himself than Beomgyu. He settles on watching Beomgyu take tiny bites of his cookie.

“Hyung, you should not spoil him! You’re the reason why he’s still so picky with his food,” Soobin nags as soon as he enters the room and sees Beomgyu happily munching on his cookie. “You should make him eat something healthier, like the vegetables he keeps on pushing off his plate.”

Yeonjun throws a glare at him. “Why don’t you try making him eat something, huh?” 

Soobin simply waves him off, before bringing the thermometer to Beomgyu’s ears. Once he hears a beeping sound, Soobin retracts the thermometer and clicks his tongue before announcing, “38.6 degrees.” 

Crumbs fall down Beomgyu’s blanket as he whimpers, “Binnie—” 

Soobin shakes his head. “Yeonjun hyung, go heat the soup. Beomgyu, no more cookies or any sweets for you until your temperature goes back down. If it goes higher, I’ll call Jisoo hyung to take us to the hospital.” 

Still not done with his nagging, he pulls a very familiar baby blue box that made Beomgyu and Yeonjun simultaneously wince. Soobin brings out numerous bottles, where he gets a bunch of pills, capsules, and tablets that he arranges into small pill boxes. “Beomgyu, this one is for your fever. Drink this one to boost your immune system. This one works better if you drink it with this one. Drink this before you take your meals — this one, after you take your meals.”

Soobin continues to enumerate the medicine that Beomgyu should be taking, none the wiser that Beomgyu and Yeonjun had stopped paying attention by the time he opened the third bottle. 

At the sight of increasing pill boxes, Beomgyu looks at Yeonjun pleadingly, which makes him gulp and look away. 

Soobin has the tendency to go and be an absolute health nut over a sick member, especially if said member is Beomgyu. Their leader has a tendency to go overboard when it comes to Beomgyu’s health after being roommates and witnessing multiple incidences of Beomgyu being sick. And it’s not a battle that Yeonjun wants to fight, it would be good for Beomgyu to get better soon. And anything good for Beomgyu is good in Yeonjun’s books.

But, Yeonjun is just so weak for Beomgyu’s pouts. And the time Beomgyu juts out his lips, the corners pulling downward, Yeonjun is already opening his mouth to interrupt Soobin’s lecture. 

“Soobinnie—” 

Soobin stops talking, before raising an eyebrow at Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun’s  eyes dart back to Beomgyu who, once again, brings out the pout. 

“Let’s lighten up on the medicine, okay? Beomgyu hasn’t eaten anything—” he cuts himself when Soobin’s eyes sharpen at the half-eaten cookie still clutched by Beomgyu. “ Substantial. Let’s give him the flu medicine now and tackle the rest when he’s a lot better.” 

“Hyung, you should be firm on Beomgyu about these things! His immune system is probably really shitty with all the junk he chooses to eat, and the all nighters he pulls to game, and the vegetables that he keeps on pushing off his plate.”

“I know, I know,” Yeonjun placates, even reaching out to pat Soobin on the back to calm him down. “When he gets better, I’ll go help you make Beomgyu drink all those vitamins and make him eat some nutritious food.”

At that, Beomgyu throws him a betrayed look which he pointedly ignores. 

Soobin scoffs. “That’s right. As if anyone on this planet can make Beomgyu eat his vegetables. His own mother gave up on him when he was four years old .” 

“We could start slowly, from something Beomgyu likes— like fruits. Beomgyu eats fruits!” Yeonjun exclaims, a little weakly against Soobin’s glare and the incredulous look on Beomgyu’s face. 

“You mean fruits on cakes?” 

“A fruit is a fruit, Bin-ah. Then, we could step it up to small pieces of vegetables: carrots, broccoli, spinach.”

“Sure, as if Beomgyu would do that,” Soobin says. 

“I will be the one to force feed it to him, if I must,” Yeonjun lies. He would be the last person to make Beomgyu do anything. And everybody knows that. Soobin knows that. “Promise.” 

Soobin just looks at him skeptically, before looking at Beomgyu’s pleading face. He sighs, raising both of his hands in surrender. “Fine. Beomgyu-ah, just drink this one every six hours. Yeonjun hyung, you monitor and make sure he drinks it on time.”

With that, Yeonjun and Beomgyu smirked at each other before giving each other a high five. Soobin just shakes his head at the both of them, mumbling about being tag-teamed and someone being whipped. 

A couple of days later, Yeonjun walks into the living room, on his hands are a plate of freshly-cut strawberries and a jar of nutella. 

The living room is brightly lit by the vibrant colors reflecting the video game playing on their television. Beomgyu, now completely well, is seated comfortably on the couch, engrossed in playing. His eyes are fixed on the screen while his fingers are dancing nimbly over the controller. 

Yeonjun takes a seat beside Beomgyu, carefully placing the plate of fruit on his lap and the jar of nutella on his one hand. “Beomgyu, eat some fruits.” 

Beomgyu, still focused on his game, opens his mouth obediently. Yeonjun gently places a piece of strawberry in his mouth, making Beomgyu’s eyes widen in delight as he bites down. 

“That tastes amazing, hyung.”

Yeonjun laughs softly as he uses a fork to pierce another slice of strawberry and carefully coating it with chocolate. “Try it with chocolate.” 

Beomgyu eagerly nods, opening his mouth after he swallows. Yeonjun carefully feeds him another slice, watching Beomgyu’s eyes widen in delight as he tastes the chocolate mixing with the sweetness of the strawberry. 

“Like it?” 

“I do.” Beomgyu chews slowly, savoring the taste while he resumes his game. “You’re spoiling me, hyung” 

Yeonjun puts down the fork, before reaching out to ruffle Beomgyu’s hair. “You deserve it. Plus, it’s fun feeding you.” 

Beomgyu leans slightly towards Yeonjun, allowing him to place another chocolate-covered fruit in his mouth, His game character narrowly avoids an obstacle as he chews thoughtfully. “These are really good, hyung. You’ve outdone yourself.” 

Yeonjun inches closer, whispering softly, “Maybe we can make this a regular thing. You, me, games, and chocolate-covered fruits.” 

There’s something that blooms on Yeonjun’s chest as he watches a soft blush painting Beomgyu’s cheeks. I did that. 

“Awe, still onto your deal with Soobin to make me eat healthily?” Beomgyu teases. 

“Busted,” Yeonjun grins. “So, no on making this a regular thing?” 

“Now, I didn’t say that ,” Beomgyu playfully drawls. He turns back at his game, almost nearing the end of it. “Maybe, you can join me in another game next time.” 

Yeonjun leans back against the sofa. “Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m not good at those games.” 

Beomgyu nudges his shoulder using his. “I’ll teach you.”

“Sure, we’ll try that next time. Strawberry.”

Yeonjun continues to feed Beomgyu, alternating between plain strawberry slices and chocolate-covered strawberries. A couple of times, Yeonjun misses Beomgyu’s mouth, smearing his cheek with chocolate, prompting laughter from the both of them.

You win. 

“Huh.” Beomgyu puts down the controller, eyes wide at the television screen.

“Is there something wrong?” 

“I’ve been having troubles with that round and now,” Beomgyu explains, gesturing at the television with his thumb. He looks at Yeonjun, eyes wide, “Hyung, I think you might be my good luck charm.” 

Yeonjun feels his warm blood rushing from his chest and up his neck, spreading to his cheeks until it reaches the tips of his ear. He gets a little tongue-tied because how can someone respond to that? So, in a non-Yeonjun fashion, he shoves a strawberry into Beomgyu’s mouth, hoping that it would prevent him from saying anything blush-inducing. 

Also, just in time, Soobin walks into the living room, and immediately spots the plate of strawberries and jar of nutella on Yeonjun’s lap. “Hyung, that’s not it. In fact, that’s even worse,” he whines, before launching into another lecture session. 

That night, Yeonjun dreams about Beomgyu. All he could see was bright eyes and whisker dimples, cheek moles, and pink lips before he shot awake with his heart racing. He hadn’t been able to go back to sleep as his brain chose that it would be the best time to be more alive than ever. So, Yeonjun made his bed, cleared out his bedroom, did his laundry, and arranged his closet in season, type, and color. Doing everything to bury all his thoughts of a certain member.

He finishes cleaning up his room at around 4 o’clock, and there’s still a lot of time left before their manager picks them up for another round of practice. Yeonjun decides it is due time that the common areas of their time gets cleaned, he starts with the living room, making sure that the noise wouldn’t wake up the younger members. 

Slowly, the soft light of dawn filters through the curtains. Yeonjun moved around with practiced ease, picking up stray items and folding blankets, his mind still lingering on the dream he had. 

Just as he finished straightening the last cushion, the familiar sound of their door’s code rings, signaling that their manager has arrived to wake them up for their first schedule of the day. Jisoo takes a look at Yeonjun and the clean living room and raises an eyebrow, a silent question hanging in the air. He says nothing, but the expression on his face speaks volumes. 

Feeling a bit self-conscious, Yeonjun offers a sheepish smile. “Good morning,” he says, trying to sound casual. 

Jisoo nods, still eyeing him curiously. “Morning. Ready for the day?”

Before Yeonjun could respond, the other group members began to emerge from their rooms, rubbing their eyes and stretching. They stop in their tracks when they see Yeonjun in the middle of the now-clean living room, each one raising an eyebrow in unison. The unspoken judgment in their looks made Yeonjun’s heat up with embarrassment. 

“So, you’re on cleaning duty now?” Taehyun teases, a sleepy grin tugging at his lips. 

Kai shakes his head with a playful sigh. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Yeonjun scratches the back of his neck, trying to laugh it off. “Woke up early and thought I’d tidy up a bit.” 

Jisoo claps his hand, drawing everyone’s attention. “Alright, you have thirty minutes before we leave. We have a busy day ahead.” 

They move in a well-practiced formation, flowing from their bedroom to the living room to the kitchen to the bathroom, with light conversations filled with teasings and plans for the day. Sounds of feet padding on the floor, zippers, and rustling fabric fills the dorm as everyone packs their bags. 

Yeonjun goes through his mental checklist as he ruffles through his duffel bag: water bottle, medicine, glasses, sunglasses, beanie, spare clothes, headphones, charger no. 1, and charger no.2. He checks it once, then twice, before closing it up to follow Jisoo to the door. 

The ride to the company is filled with comfortable silence, with most of them trying to catch a few more minutes of sleep. 

Yeonjun leans against the window, phone in his hand as he scrolls through private social media account. His fingers move absently over the screen, double-tapping  photos and liking posts out of habit more than genuine interest. He stops on a picture taken in the familiar street of Garosu-gil. 

An idea sparks in his mind, but with it comes a flutter of nervousness. He glances across the car, at Beomgyu, who has his eyes closed, but obviously not sleeping. Yeonjun bites his lip, trying to contain the feeling of excitement that thrums through him. He wants to ask Beomgyu to go shopping after practice, something they used to do frequently pre-debut. 

During the practice secession, his mind wanders as they rehearse their choreography. His movements are all on point, the result of muscle memory and countless hours of practice, but his thoughts keep drifting back to Beomgyu and Garosu-gil. As the music plays, he tries to imagine the best way to bring it up. 

Hey, Beomgyu, want to buy some clothes?” 

Too  random. 

“Hey, Beomgyu, go to Garou-gil with me after practice.” 

Too strong. 

“Hey, Beomgyu, want to go to Garosu-gil… with me… after practice… if you want…” 

Too nervous. 

“Hey, Beomgyu! Let’s go to Garosu-gil after practice and check out some clothes!” 

Too enthusiastic. 

Yeonjun cringes, feeling self-conscious even in the privacy of his thoughts. He hears someone announcing a five-minute break, and Yeonjun takes the opportunity to sip some water, his eyes darting to Beomgyu again. This time, Beomgyu catches his gaze and offers him a curious smile. Before Yeonjun could look away, Beomgyu starts beelining towards him. 

Yeonjun’s heart pounds, panic rising, fuck, fuck, I’m still not ready yet, what should I say— He tries to calm himself, but his mind is racing, searching for the right words. Beomgyu is a couple of steps away from him, his bright smile giving him a mix of comfort and anxiety. 

“Hey, Beoms.” 

“Hey, hyung, what’s up?” 

This is it. 

Yeonjun wipes the sweat from his forehead using the back of his hand, his heart beating a little faster for a reason unrelated to the intense practice. 

“Uh,” Yeonjun’s voice breaks off a little. He clears his throat. “Do you have plans after practice?” 

Beomgyu hums. “Don’t remember having anything today. Why?” 

Yeonjun nods, hoping that he doesn’t come off as too excited, before blurting out his well-practiced and well-thought out question. “Do you want to go out? With me? To the mall? To — you know, shop? Eat? Shop and eat?”

He winces. Practicing, for the first time in his life, fails him. 

So, he repeats the question in a clearer manner. “Do you want to go to Garosu-gil with me after the practice?” 

Beomgyu raises an eyebrow at him, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. “Shopping, huh? Thought my fashion is the worst these days? Am I the last choice?” 

Yeonjun feels his face flush. “No! I just thought you’d be interested. You know— you and me in Garosu-gil. Just like back then?” 

Beomgyu chuckles, giving Yeonjun a light nudge on his shoulder. “Relax, I’m just messing with you. I’d love to go. You know, ask the fashion king Choi Yeonjun for some advice to update my wardrobe.” 

Relief washes over Yeonjun, and he can’t help but grin. “Nice. That’s good. I’ll go tell Jisoo hyung.” 

After the practice session filled with Yeonjun glancing at the giant wall clock, his watch, his phone— Yeonjun and Beomgyu hops into the van, heading to the bustling shopping district. The streets are alive with hums of conversation, the scent of street food, and colorful displays of various boutiques and shops. 

Yeonjun’s excitement is tempered by a growing sense of unease; he just realized he doesn’t have anything planned beyond asking Beomgyu out. In hindsight, Yeonjun thinks that he should have planned out some kind of schedule, or at least had a couple of ideas of where to go. He just said shopping and eating but what are we looking for? Is there something Beomgyu wants to buy? Where are we going to eat? Is Beomgyu craving for something? His eyes darts from store to store, but nothing seems to stand out to him. It’s also been a long time since Yeonjun got to look around Garosu-gil, so he feels a little lost. He can feel Beomgyu’s gaze on him and mentally berates himself for not having an itinerary. 

“What’s the plan, hyung?” Beomgyu asks, a hint of amusement in his voice. 

Yeonjun wets his lips with his tongue, trying to buy some time. “Uh, I thought we could just check out a few places, see what catches our eye.” 

Beomgyu nods, but Yeonjun can see the skeptical look on his face. They walk a bit farther, Yeonjun’s anxiety growing with each step. He mentally kicks himself for being so impulsive. What if Beomgyu thinks he’s just wasting his time? 

Just as Yeonjun is about to spiral further into self-doubt, Beomgyu stops in front of a familiar boutique with mannequins dressed in the latest trends. They used to 

“Yeah, that’s a great idea. Let’s check it out.” 

They enter the store, the racks still arranged the same way Yeonjun can remember, giving comfort that not everything has changed. Beomgyu immediately gravitates toward a rack of cardigans, his eyes lighting up with interest. 

“Look at this one,” Beomgyu says, holding up a light blue cardigan that looks the same as the twenty other ones in his closet. 

“See, that’s why you get dubbed as the worst dresser,” Yeonjun comments, shaking his head. He pulls a black shirt, something that Beomgyu used to wear. “Where’s the edgy, emo Beomgyu from 2018, huh?” 

Beomgyu surveys the shirt, clearly considering  it. “Should I try it?” 

Yeonjun places it back on the rack. “Nah. I’m kidding. You should go with what you want and comfortable with, Gyu-yah.” 

Beomgyu grabs it back, before walking towards where the fitting rooms are. He shoots Yeonjun a smile over his shoulder. “Nothing wrong with mixing it up from time to time, I guess.” 

A few moments later, Beomgyu emerges, wearing the shirt with a playful swagger. “What do you think? Do I still have edgy, emo Beomgyu from 2018?”

The image of Beomgyu in similar outfits during their trainee days flashes in his mind: the young and round Beomgyu in the darkest shirts, black overalls, ripped skinny jeans, headband, silver necklaces, and chunky boots.

Yeonjun laughs, full of amusement and fondness. “Put on a black skinny jeans and boots, probably get your ear piercings open again, and it will be like we’re in 2018 again.”

Beomgyu strikes one more pose, exaggerating his movements to make Yeonjun laugh even more. “Young Beomgyu really was something, huh? Acting all cool like his Yeonjun hyung.”

Yeonjun sarcastically rolls his eyes at that. He glances around the store. “Let’s see more stuff?”

They spend the next hour browsing through the store, trying on various outfits and giving each other feedback. Yeonjun gradually relaxes, the tension bleeding out his shoulders, as he enjoys Beomgyu’s company and the fun of shopping together. Beomgyu’s enthusiasm is infectious, as always, and Yeonjun finds himself laughing at and with him, as always. 

Making their way to the checkout counter, Yeonjun feels something stir in the pits of his stomach, unsettling but pleasant. Somehow, he is reminded of how far they had come. With their purchases bagged and in Yeonjun’s hands, they left the store and continued exploring one store to another. 

They stumble upon a Lush store, wherein Beomgyu pulls him with amplified excitement. They immediately get engulfed by the vibrant scents and colors of various bath bombs, soaps and an array of skin care items that line the shelves. 

“I’ve been meaning to pick up some shower gel. I ran out a while ago,” Beomgyu says, distractedly picking up an item and putting it back down. He picks up a bottle of bright yellow shower gel labeled “Mimosa,” opens the cap, and takes a sniff. He smiles. “Oh, this smells nice. A little citrusy and flowery. I like it.” 

Yeonjun leans in to smell. “Wow, that’s nice. You should get it.” 

While waiting for Beomgyu to make his purchase, Yeonjun wanders around the store, the refreshing aroma of the shower gel lingering in his memory, mingled with thoughts of Beomgyu. His feet lead him towards a section with body sprays, his eyes scanning the various options. Yeonjun wanders towards a section with body sprays, his eyes scanning the various options. He picks up a couple of different dark colored spray bottles, testing their scents. 

The scent is almost identical to the Mimosa shower gel, but with a slightly different hint. Yeonjun feels a rush of excitement, his thoughts consumed by the idea of matching scents with Beomgyu, so, without thinking twice, he grabs the duo pack and heads to the checkout. 

While waiting for the cashier to bag up their items, Yeonjun’s stomach growls loudly, reminding him that he hasn’t eaten anything for the day. Beomgyu, a step beside him, looks just in time to hear it, laughs. 

“Want to eat?” Beomgyu comments, a teasing smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Yeonjun grumbles, a little embarrassed. 

Once the cashier finishes up on their purchase, they make their way to the exit. Walking out, Beomgyu stretches his arms above his head, before turning his head from left to right, looking for something. “I know a place nearby. Do you want to go there or do you have a place in mind?” 

Yeonjun shakes his head. “Let’s go to your place.” 

He then follows Beomgyu as he navigates through the streets with confidence, easily making his way in between the incoming throngs of people and taking turns in between the shops. They probably walked for five minutes, leaving the bustling shopping district behind and venturing into a quiet neighborhood. The buildings are a little older and less commercialized. 

Finally, Beomgyu stops in front of a small, unassuming restaurant with a flickering led sign hanging on the roof. The exterior is unremarkable, something that anyone would pass on a regular night. Yeonjun briefly wonders how Beomgyu discovered the place when he opens the sliding door. 

The restaurant that Beomgyu chose has a warm, inviting atmosphere with low lighting that casts a soft glow over booths and tables. The smell of Korean food wafts through the air, and the gentle murmur of conversations creates a relaxing background hum. Beomgyu and Yeonjun steps inside, taking in the homely vibe that fits the vibe of their night out. 

“This place is perfect, right? I think you’d like it.” Beomgyu says. 

They choose a booth in the corner, the leather seats are cracked but comfortable, adding to the restaurant’s charm. They slide in, facing each other with content smiles. The light bulb above their table flickers, casting momentary shadows over them. Yeonjun glances up at it, and when the light stables, he picks up the menu placed in the middle of the table. 

“Everything looks so good. What are you thinking of getting?” 

Beomgyu scans the menu. He points at a picture of tteokbokki, before saying, “Tteok?” 

Yeonjun nods, scribbling it down on the notepad the restaurant provided for orders. “What about some samgyeopsal? I've been craving it since last week.” 

Beomgyu peers at him with a grin. “Me too. Then, we should get kimchi jjigae with it.”

“How about drinks?” 

“Barley tea?” Beomgyu answers playfully, making him laugh. 

Their food arrives, steaming hot and delicious. They dig in, the comfortable atmosphere making the meal even more enjoyable. Between bites, they share stories and laughs, the day’s worries melting away.

As they stand up to leave, Yeonjun looks around the cozy restaurant. “We should come back here again.” 

“We really should.” 

Beomgyu is smiling at him. Bright and wide. The exact same smile that causes a topsy-turvy in Yeonjun’s stomach, melts his bone,  his brain whir. Yeonjun catches his reflection at the window adjacent to their table, and sees that he is wearing a matching smile on his face. 

They leave the restaurant, stepping into the cool evening air and the distant bright lights. 

“I really needed this night out,” Yeonjun says, breaking the silence between them as they walk side by side. “I just saw my schedule get updated earlier and—” Yeonjun shivers at the thought of it. “I don’t think I would be leaving the cycle of going from company to dorm to company for a while.” 

Beomgyu sighs, his lips jutting in a frustrated pout. “I just saw mine and hyung, I think yours is really bad. Why are they overworking you so much?”

Yeonjun shrugs. “I guess it’s just the way it is? We’re in our fourth year in the industry already, a couple of more years and we’ll be in line for negotiations, so the company is throwing us all these schedules.” 

“I know. But, would it really hurt for them to squeeze in a few breaks in between? A proper one, not one that we’ll get because we’re in the car or having our hair and makeup done.” Beomgyu stops walking, turning around and grabbing Yeonjun by the shoulders, making him look into his fierce eyes. “Hyung, tell us, tell me if it gets too much. We’ll attack the office for real this time.” 

Yeonjun smiles reassuringly, loving how Beomgyu is showing fierce concern over him. Even going as far as threatening to storm into their company offices for him. “It’s going to be fine. Things will slow down soon enough, after the shows and the comeback, we’ll get some rest soon. And, it’s all worth it because  I'm doing this with you guys and for Moas.” 

Beomgyu’s eyes soften at that, but the worry doesn’t completely leave his eyes. “I get that, but I don't want you burning out and being unhealthy, hyung.”

“I promise, I’ll be fine. No need to worry about your hyung.” 

Back at home, Yeonjun unpacks his purchases, placing the two body sprays on his dresser, putting it in front of his other body sprays and even more expensive perfumes. He takes a moment to admire them, the thought of Beomgyu making him smile.

The studio lights cast a harsh glare on the mirrored walls, reflecting Yeonjun’s tense face. The music stops abruptly, and the new dance instructor claps his hand loudly. 

“Yeonjun!” his voice rang out, sharp and unforgiving. “What is going on with you today? You’re missing steps, your timing is off, and your energy is completely flat. Why can’t you perform your solo properly? This is unacceptable!” 

Yeonjun, drenched in sweat, stands in the middle of the practice room, breathing heavily. The weight of everyone’s expectations presses down at him like a physical burden. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better,” he pants, his voice barely audible. 

The choreographer shakes his head, frustration etched on his face. “Sorry isn’t good enough, Yeonjun. You’re the dancer of the group. The producer specifically asked for you to have this solo performance. You need to set a good impression, so that next time, maybe more members will receive an offer. Right now, you’re ruining that. Get it together.” 

As the choreographer turns his back to play the music from the start, Yeonjun’s shoulders slumps. He feels the sting of criticism like a punch to the gut. His thoughts spiraled into a dark abyss of self-doubt and exhaustion. Maybe he is right. Maybe I’m not good enough to represent Tomorrow x Together. I can’t perform well. What's wrong with me? 

His mind flashes back to the constant pressure of being perfect so that he can maintain his position as the top performing trainee in all three categories. BigHit’s Legendary Trainee, they used to call him. He used to take pride in that title, filled with sleepless nights, grueling schedules, and never ending practice. He used to thrive under this kind of pressure, but now it feels like it is crushing him to pieces. I’m a failure. I’m not enough. I’m hindering them. 

The rest of the practice passes in a blur. The choreographer has already left him a couple of hours ago, but not without scolding Yeonjun a few more times and telling him that he should practice more to get better. So, repeatedly, Yeonjun goes through the motions, his body moving automatically, but his mind is spiraling down in a dark place. 

Yeonjun stands alone in the center, staring at his reflection in the mirrored walls. Sweat trickles down his face as he tries to catch his breath, the exhaustion evident in his eyes. As the music loops over, he launches into the routine, his movements still sharp but increasingly sloppy. 

“Not good enough.” 

The music starts again.

“That’s even worse than earlier.” 

The music starts again.

“Are you even trying?” 

The music starts again.

“Is that your best?” 

The music starts again.

“Tsk.” 

Yeonjun pushes open the door to the dorm, his body feeling heavy with exhaustion. He toes off his shoes, rubbing his tired eyes as he steps inside. The entryway is dimly lit, the soft glow of a nearby lamp casting long shadows on the walls. 

Beomgyu is waiting for him, practically bouncing on his heels. “Hyung, you’re finally back!” he greets, unable to hide his excitement. 

Yeonjun, stifling a yawn, barely registers the enthusiasm in Beomgyu’s voice. “Hey, Beomgyu,” he mumbles, his tongue a little flat on his mouth, making his tone more tired and disinterested than he intended. “What’s up?” 

Beomgyu’s smile wavers for a moment, but he quickly regains his composure. “I finally received the final version of the music video for my new cover. I think this is the best one yet.” 

Yeonjun slowly blinks, looking slightly surprised. “Oh, you’re working on a new cover? I didn’t know.”

Strike one.

“I told you about it a few times. I filmed it a couple of weeks ago. Remember?” he asks, his voice constricted with a hint of hurt. 

Yeonjun mutters a dumb, “Oh.” 

How eloquent of him. Yeonjun should be awarded as the Speaker of the Year. After all the public speaking training they had as trainees, all the practice for interviews, all the experience in speaking at award shows, and the best Yeonjun can mutter is a pathetic oh. 

He tries to bandage it up, his mind trying to recall the previous days but coming up blank. So, he tries to be honest, “Sorry, I must have forgotten. It’s been so busy lately.” 

Disappointment is evident in Beomgyu’s eyes before it flickers to something neutral, something a little dull, and the familiar twinkle is absent. “It’s fine, hyung. Do you want to watch it?” 

Beomgyu shows him his phone, the music video still paused on his screen. Right before Yeonjun can utter yes, I would watch it, Beomgyu-yah. He yawns. 

Multiple nights of staying up late and waking up early, with barely any time for naps, are finally catching up to Yeonjun. He used to pull all-nighters like it was nothing, but now? Not so much. 

Strike two.

“Uh, you don’t have to–” Beomgyu falters. He almost fumbles his phone, nearly dropping it on the floor as he turns it off and slipping it back into his pocket. “You look really tired, hyung. Why don’t you go to bed?”

“Sure, night Beomgyu.”

Beomgyu waves him off, a forced and tight smile that is not quite reaching his eyes is plastered on his face. He steps aside, allowing Yeonjun to walk into his room.“Night, hyung.”

The hallway to his room feels a little cold as Yeonjun shuffles towards his bedroom. He settles into his bed, drifting off to sleep instantly.

Strike three and he’s out.

For the next few days, Yeonjun has been spending countless hours in the practice room, his focus entirely on perfecting his solo performance. The desire to prove himself and shake off the self-doubt he’s experiencing has already consumed him. The time he’s spending at the dorm becomes less and less, until he’s moving there like a ghost without any presence. But Yeonjun’s tunnel vision at perfection has overshadowed everything else. 

Yeonjun stands in front of the mirror, sweat dripping from his forehead, his breath coming in short labored gasps. 

His phone buzzes on the floor in front of him, he doesn’t check it. 

His bluetooth speaker shuts down due to low battery, he grabs another one hidden in the storage cabinet.

The digital clock on the walls reads 2:47 am, but he ignores it. 

The relentless sound of music and the repetitive thuds of Yeonjun’s sneakers against the polished floor fills the practice room. His movers are sharp and precise, but there is an evident exhaustion. He has been at it for hours, ignoring the passing of time and the gnawing fatigue in his muscles. 

And then, in the middle of the chorus, Yeonjun stumbles, his legs finally giving out. He collapses onto the floor, the cold surface a stark contrast to his overheated body. He sits there for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Like a mantra, the choreographer’s voice rings through his mind, like the choreographer himself is right beside him, screaming at him, you’re not good enough, you’re not good enough, you’re not good enough. 

“Get up,” Yeonjun mutters to himself, forcing his tired body to comply. When his body doesn’t move, he hits his legs with his fists. “Get up. Get up. Get up. Just a little more. You can do this, Yeonjun. Get up.”  

He doesn’t notice his manager, Jisoo, has been observing from the doorway for a while, his eyebrows furrowed with concern until the music stops. 

“Yeonjun,” Jisoo says firmly, “that’s enough for today.”

Yeonjun, startled, turns to face him, his chest heaving with exertion. “Jisoo hyung, I need to keep practicing. I have to get this right.” 

Jisoo shakes his head, crossing his arms. “No, Yeonjun-ah. You need to rest. Phishing yourself this hard is going to do more harm than good.”

Yeonjun opens his mouth to protest, but Jisoo’s stern expression stops him. “Look at yourself, Yeonjun-ah. You’re exhausted. You’re not performing at your best because you’re overworking your body. This isn’t healthy.” 

Yeonjun feels a lump in his throat, his mind racing with conflicting thoughts. I’m a failure. I’m not enough. I’m hindering them. And now, with the disappointed face that Jisoo has, I’ve disappointed them. “I have to prove that I can do this. Hyung, I can’t afford to mess up. Not for them.” 

Jisoo’s expression softens slightly. “Jun-ah, you don’t have to prove anything because everyone, especially your members and your fans, has complete trust that you will be able to do this well. I’m not trying to say that you don’t need to practice or put effort in your performance, I am reminding you that you still have to take care of your body. There’s a balance in everything.” 

For a moment, Yeonjun just stands there, the weight of his exhaustion crashes down on him, making his shoulders sag. He feels tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, but he blinks them away. He knows that Jisoo is right, that the abuse he's been doing to his body is counterproductive with the goal he’s been trying to achieve. But the irrational fear of failure still gnaws at him. 

“Come on,” Jisoo says gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s get you home. You need rest.” 

Reluctantly, Yeonjun nods. He gathers his things, feeling a strange mix of relief and frustration. As they walk out of the practice room, the lights clicking off behind them, Jisoo keeps a supportive hand on his back, supporting him. 

The ride back to the dorm is quiet. Yeonjun leans his head against the window, watching the city lights blur past. His body feels like it has been stretched and folded with exhaustion, and the adrenaline that had kept him going is fading, leaving him hollowed out and drained. 

“Yeonjun-ah, tell me, did someone say something to you?” 

Yeonjun fiddles with the seat belt. “What do you mean, hyung?” 

“You’ve been pushing yourself way too hard, and it’s more than just the usual pressure. I know how hardworking you are when it comes to performances, I also know how you usually are with practice,” Jisoo says, glancing at him for a second before turning his gaze on the road. “Something is different now. Can you tell me?” 

Yeonjun hesitates, staring into the bright red lights in front of him. Finally, he takes a deep breath and speaks, his voice tinged with bitterness. “The new choreographer. He said something about my performance being unacceptable. That the whole team is relying on me to do good, and I am not performing good, so they wouldn’t have offers for 

Jisoo’s grips on the steering wheel become tighter, his eyes darken with anger as he barely grits out, “He said that to you?” 

Yeonjun nods smally, like a kid that has been scolded by a parent. “Yes. And I wanted to prove him wrong, to show that I’m not a failure.” 

Jisoo reaches across the console to pat Yeonjun’s shoulder. “Yeonjun, you are one of the most talented and hardworking people I know. No one has the right to talk to you like that. A failure would be the last thing someone should be describing you.” 

Yeonjun looks at his manager,his eyes shining with unshed tears. “I thought I’m letting everyone down.” 

“You’re not letting everyone down,” Jisoo firmly tells him. “I know four people who would fight you if they heard you say that.” 

Yeonjun lets a watery chuckle. “I know.” 

“Don’t worry about the choreographer. I’ll talk to him.” 

“Hyung, you don’t have to—” 

“Yes, I do,” Jisoo interrupts. “It’s my job to look out for you, and that includes making sure you’re treated with respect. Focus on taking care of yourself. Let me handle this.” 

For the first time in weeks, he feels like he isn’t alone in this battle. “Thank you, Jisoo hyung.” 

Jisoo smiles at him. 

Arriving at the dorm, he finds his members laughing and playing a video game in the living room. 

Kai looks up and waves him over. “Hyung, join us!” 

Yeonjun smiles, and joins them, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. 

Noticing a vacant spot in the corner sofa, a seat that Beomgyu claims as his, he asks, “Where’s Beomgyu?” 

“He’s already asleep,” Soobin replies, not taking his eyes off the screen. “Got a personal schedule early in the morning.” 

Yeonjun remembers his last conversation with Beomgyu and how excited he was about his newest cover video, which reminds him, “Have you guys already watched his cover? When is he releasing it?”

“It was posted last week,” Taehyun answers, eyeing him weirdly. “The link was sent in the groupchat.” 

Yeonjun freezes in his spot, guilt washing over him like a tidal wave. He still hasn’t seen it nor has he known that the cover is already posted online. This means that he would literally be the last person to ever watch it. He tries to play it off casually. “Ah, no, I must’ve missed it. I haven’t been checking my phone recently.” 

Taehyun raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t dig deeper into what Yeonjun has said. Although, he mentions, “It got a lot of attention. The original artist posted it on their social media, so Beomgyu hyung has been trending for the past few days now.” 

The conversation moves on, but Yeonjun can’t shake the guilt gnawing at him. He prides himself on being the first one to know Beomgyu’s endeavors, in fact, he once bragged on how he was with Beomgyu when he films for his cover videos and how he is usually the first person to hear and watch it. Now, he feels like he has let Beomgyu down.

Yeonjun stands up and excuses himself from the group, “I’ll head to bed now. Tired from practice.” 

There’s a chorus of good nights directed at him, but Yeonjun doesn’t bother replying. His feet feels heavy, not because of the exhaustion from practice, he 

As he lays on his bed, the room around him is quiet and dimly lit by the light of his phone screen. His mind, however, is everything but still. The events from last week: Beomgyu, the choreographer, Beomgyu’s cover, his conversation with Jisoo— keeps cycling in his mind. 

He thinks about Beomgyu’s cover and the fact he has been so wrapped up in his own world that he forgot about it. Beomgyu, who has always been there for him, supporting him through thick and thin, is now the one he has unintentionally distanced himself from. Yeonjun sighs, finally opening the YouTube application on his phone. He doesn’t have to search for Beomgyu’s cover when it is in the YouTube homepage, still trending. 

The thumbnail shows Beomgyu sitting on a wooden stool in the middle of a field, holding a guitar, and smiling into the camera. Yeonjun doesn’t take any more time and clicks on the video. The video is filmed quite simply. Starting with Beomgyu walking into the frame, wearing a plain white button-up shirt with two buttons left open paired with denim pants. He turns around, and Yeonjun takes in his slightly permed hair and light makeup that softens Beomgyu’s features even more than usual. Beomgyu’s deep voice fills the quiet room. Deep and charming. There’s a hint of breathiness in some parts that gives the song a layer of intimacy, making anyone who listens feel like they know Beomgyu. 

No wonder it’s trending. 

The video ends with a soft and sincere smile forming on Beomgyu’s face. It starts slowly, the corners of his lips gently curling upward, slightly showing his teeth. His whisker dimples showing prominently, and eyes crinkling slightly at the edge. There’s a subtle sparkle in it. The one that Yeonjun cherishes as it reflects Beomgyu’s warmth perfectly. 

Yeonjun mentally notes to congratulate Beomgyu for doing well on his cover, first thing in the morning. 

He replays the video, letting Beomgyu’s voice fill the silence over and over again. And, as the video plays for the fifth time, Yeonjun feels his eyelids growing heavy. He nestles deeper into his pillow, the soothing sound of Beomgyu’s voice easing the remaining tension from his body. 

Yeonjun wakes up to the light of the morning sun streaming through the window, a sight that he hasn’t seen in a while. He’s been leaving the dorm at 3 in the morning and is already dancing at the practice room. He stretches, feels a dull ache in muscles that he doesn’t even know he had due to days of intense practice. 

He quickly makes his way to the living room, his hair still messy from sleep, hoping to find Beomgyu and congratulate him on the excellent cover. However, the dorm is unusually quiet. He checks the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and Beomgyu’s bedroom, even the small balcony they have, but there is no sign of Beomgyu. 

Taehyun is in the kitchen, pouring milk into his bowl of cereal. “Morning, hyung. You look like you sleep well.” 

“I did, actually,” Yeonjun replies, casually opening the door of the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. “Have you seen Beomgyu? I wanted to talk to him about his cover.” 

Taehyun pauses his chewing, before shaking his head. He tries to open his mouth to talk, but milk slightly dribbles in the corner of his mouth, so he raises a hand up at Yeonjun. After a few more seconds, Taehyun speaks up, “He left early for the art club he;s been attending with other idols.”

Yeonjun frowns. Another new thing about Beomgyu that he doesn’t know. “Art club? How long has he been doing that?” 

“A week now, I think?” Taehyun says. “You didn’t know?” 

Yeonjun pulls a chair, practically dropping his body in it. “No, I didn’t. I guess I’ve been pretty out of loop lately.” 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’ve had a lot on your plate, hyung.” Taehyun throws him a calculating look. “Actually, do you have anything to do for the day?” 

The sun is high in the sky when Yeonjun and Taehyun arrive on the sandy shores of the beach. The waves gently lap at the shoreline, and the salty sea breeze ruffles Yeonjun’s hair as he and Taehyun strolls along the water’s edge. The sudden beach trip has been Taehyun’s idea, a spur of the moment decision to drag Yeonjun away from the dorm.

Taehyun has insisted on taking pictures, and Yeonjun finds himself laughing and posing as his friend snaps shot after shot with his pose getting wackier and wackier. “Hold still!” Taehyun calls out, his phone aimed at Yeonjun. “That one’s going to be sent to our group chat. Now, a normal one for Weverse.” 

Yeonjun grins, striking a playful pose, but still presentable enough to be shared to their fans. “You better take good ones.” 

Taehyun chuckles. “Of course.” He takes a few more pictures before handing the phone to Yeonjun. “My turn. Get my good side.” 

They spend the next hour taking photos of each other, capturing more pictures at every background with even more sillier poses. The carefree atmosphere is a welcome change, and Yeonjun feels himself relaxing more and more. 

A wrong move. 

It’s no news that Taehyun is currently the strongest in their team. It used to be Yeonjun, back when they were trainees because he gained all the benefits of going through puberty first. He constantly abused his strength, picking up his dongsaengs, carrying them upside down, and dragging them whenever. Now, he’s the one getting picked up and thrown upside down over Taehyun’s shoulder.

“Yah! Where are you taking me?” Yeonjun screams, hitting his Taehyun’s back. “Yah, Kang Taehyun!”

The surprised, high-pitched shriek that Yeonjun lets out is immensely embarrassing when he gets dropped down the freezing cold water. 

After buying Yeonjun a change of clothes from a nearby souvenir shop — so now he’s wearing a white shirt that says “I ♡ South Korea” rather than his fashionable yellow sleeveless top — they find a cozy seafood shack nestled by the dunes and decide to grab some late lunch. The smell of grilled fish and freshly steamed shellfish makes Yeonjun’s mouth water, prompting him to order a feast. 

Settling at a picnic table with a perfect view of the ocean, they dug into their meal. Taehyun, deciding that an-eating Yeonjun is easier to question than a-not-doing-anything Yeonjun, says, “So, are you going to tell me what’s been going on with you? You’ve basically ghosted us for weeks. We’ve all been worried about you.” 

Yeonjun pauses mid bite, settles his fork down on his plate. He looks out at the ocean for a moment, gathering his thoughts, before speaking. “The last few weeks have been… tough on me. The new choreographer— he’s been quite harsh to me. No matter what I do, it’s never enough. He said that I am practically bringing you guys down, ruining possible offers that you might get. It’s gotten to the point that I had a downward spiral.”

Taehyun’s eyes darken with rage, his grip on a crab claw tightened. “Why didn’t you tell us? Who does he think he is, treating you like that?” 

“I know. I should’ve said something sooner, but Jisoo hyung knows about it now. He said he would handle it.” 

Taehyun takes a deep breath, trying to rein in his anger. “ Jisoo hyung would handle it. Okay.” After a few more breaths, he looks at Yeonjun, his eyes showing a mix of seriousness and sincerity. “Hyung, you know we appreciate all your efforts for the group, right? That choreographer is definitely not speaking for us.”

“I know.” 

And, Yeonjun knows it. Words of assurance are not something their group skip out on. Constant monitoring keeps them in check and constant assurances lifts their spirits up. The back-to-back schedules and numerous solo schedules that lessened his time with the other members must have increased his sensitivity to negative comments that the choreographer has been dishing out on him.

“You’ll always have us on your side, Yeonjun hyung. Remember that.”

Walking into their dorm is a slow, drowsy affair as Yeonjun and Taehyun trudges along, groggy and heavy from their seafood fast. They lean on each other for support — which makes them stumble more than a couple of times from the parking lot and until they reach their unit — their footsteps turning sluggish as they reach the living room where Kai is sitting. 

A grin spreads across Kai’s face as he takes in his two members’ appearance. “Yeonjun hyung, what happened to your shirt?” 

Yeonjun glances down at his new shirt, glaring at it a little. “New fashion statement.” He then waves off Taehyun and Kai with a tired smile “I’m too full to care right now. I just want to sleep.”

Yeonjun makes his way to his room, briefly noticing that Beomgyu’s door is still tightly shut and the owner is still not back from the art club thing he went to. He barely manages to change into comfortable clothes, before collapsing onto his bed. 

The sun is already setting when Yeonjun wakes up from his nap. 

Kai is still in the living room, now joined by Soobin and Taehyun, all engrossed in the football match playing on the television. 

“Is Beomgyu back?” 

Soobin moves to check his phone that’s been resting on the coffee table. He reads something on the screen, before answering Yeonjun, “Beomgyu said that he’s grabbing dinner with Hyunjin.” 

Yeonjun frowns. “Is he coming home soon?”

Soobin checks his phone again. “He didn’t say, but he said that he’ll be coming home a little late.”

His frown deepens when he catches a sight of the wall clock above the television. 11:50pm. 

Okay. It’s alright. All of them went home late after hanging out with friends. It’s fine. Beomgyu can take care of himself, Yeonjun assures himself, as he makes himself comfortable on the couch, in between Soobin and Kai. He’ll just stay up until Beomgyu gets home, so that he can see that he’s safe, then he will talk to him. 

Yeonjun falls asleep at 1:30 am and Beomgyu still hasn’t come home.

Yeonjun wakes up at 8:15 am, still on the couch, and is told that Beomgyu has already left. 

The next few days followed a similar pattern. Yeonjun would wake up to find Beomgyu already gone and would already be sleeping by the time Beomgyu returns to the dorm. It is starting to make Yeonjun feel itchy and restless. More often than not, he’s pacing around his room and sometimes in the living room and the hallway. He also started hanging out in the kitchen, taking longer meals — “I read that researchers say food should be chewed about 32 times before swallowing, so I’ve been trying that out, he reasons when Taehyun asked him why he’s in the kitchen for almost two hours already — and just opening the refrigerator to take a small sips of water throughout the day. There is also that one time when he scared Kai, literally the last person in the group to be scared of anything, when he decided to sit inside an empty box on the entryway. He still has a fading bruise in the shape of Kai’s feet on his left arm.

Soon enough — probably after the maknaes have voiced their worries about Yeonjun acting weird, or weirder than usual — Soobin decides to intervene. 

“Let’s eat lunch outside.” 

Yeonjun hesitates for a moment, taking a look between Soobin and Beomgyu’s door and the kitchen, and surrenders. “Okay.”

“Is this an intervention?” 

Soobin glances over the top of his menu at Yeonjun, keeping a pleasant smile on his face as he answers, “Depends on you. This could be a simple and normal lunch or it could be an intervention. ”

“Lunch.” 

“Okay. Anything look good to you?” 

“I’ll just get the rice bowl. My appetite’s been all over the place lately.” 

“That’s what happens when you keep on making yourself chew your food thirty-two times at each bite.”

Yeonjun raises a hand in front of Soobin, stopping him from talking. “I said this is lunch. No interventions allowed.” 

“Alright.”

“I just feel really fucking stupid,” Yeonjun says as methodically mixes his sauces: a bit of soy sauce, sesame oil, and a generous spoonful of chili paste. He dumps his concoction into his rice bowl, topping it with a fried egg before aggressively mixing everything. “I feel like a dog waiting for its owner. But then, the owner suddenly has this friend who keeps on inviting him out and making him leave early and come home late.”

“Is Beomgyu the owner in this scenario?” Soobin asks, watching as Yeonjun huffs and shoving a big mouthful of rice into his mouth.

“No!” Yeonjun exclaims, surprising himself and Soobin and the family on the table beside them. He apologizes, before speaking in a more silent tone, “No. That’s just an example, you know? So that you’ll be able to understand my feelings.” 

“Okay. So, in that situation, shouldn’t the dog be happy to know that his owner has friends and is currently happy?” Soobin says, playing into Yeonjun’s scenario.

Yeonjun glares at Soobin, cheeks puffed out with rice. “You’re making fun of me.” 

“I’m trying hard not to.” 

Yeonjun slumps back in his seat, still mixing his food as he talks, “I think— no, I made a mistake. I forgot about his cover, then when he approached me to watch it with him, I kinda waved him off because I was sleepy. Then, I didn’t even know it got posted and it's been trending for a week before I got to watch it. Now, I want to talk to him, but he’s always out. With Hyunjin.” 

“And what do you think about that?” 

“I’m worried. He’s just always out so early and comes home so late, and it’s driving me crazy. What’s up with that art club that he joined? Is he avoiding me? What if something happens to him? A sasaeng stalking him or a Dispatch reporter making an issue.” 

“You sound like a parent waiting for their teenager, I hope you know that.” 

“Not funny.”

“Sometimes Beomgyu simply needs space,” Soobin tries, but seeing Yeonjun’s defeated face, he retracts his statement. “Let him enjoy his time with his friends. Our comeback preparation is near, you know, then promotions, a world tour, practice. Everyone will be so sick of seeing each other’s faces again.” 

“Yay,” Yeonjun says drily. “I just want to talk to him, not wish for everyone’s schedules to be tight again.” 

“It's a part of our job description. Now, please stop mixing your rice, I can barely see the grain anymore.” 

When Yeonjun walks out of the bathroom after his shower, he spots Kai lounging on the balcony, engrossed in a game on his phone. He quietly slides the balcony door open, making Kai look up and notice him. Immediately, a bright smile spreads across his face. “Hi, hyung.” 

Yeonjun feels a matching smile form on his face. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing much,” he answers, settling his phone down in front of him. “Want some ice cream?” He nods at the open tub beside him on the balcony table, where a couple of spoons are already placed. 

Yeonjun’s eyes light up at the sight, his smile widens when he notices its flavor. He quickly grabs a spoonful of ice cream and savors it. “It’s been a while since I had mintchoco.” 

“Things have been pretty hectic so I thought you could use a treat,” Kai replies, fondly watching him eat.

“Ah, our maknae take care of me so well,” Yeonjun coos, touched by Kai's thoughtfulness. Despite being the youngest in the group, Kai’s big brother tendencies show to his members which Yeonjun appreciates the most. “Here, eat some too!” Yeonjun says, playfully making airplane sounds as he feeds Kai. 

“Delicious!” Kai exclaims exaggeratedly in a baby-tone voice, making Yeonjun laugh in his seat. 

Some being out here must have taken pity on Yeonjun as he arrives at the dorm, after spending time at the gym, he sees Beomgyu’s door open. Slowly walking towards it — his footsteps quiet as he is afraid that it would be somebody else or there is no one in the room or Beomgyu would magically vanish if hears Yeonjun footsteps — then, he peeks in and sees Bemgyu sitting in the middle of his bedroom floor, surround by what looks like packages of newly bought art supplies. 

“Hi.” 

“Hey Yeonjun hyung!” Beomgyu greets him. “Wow, it feels like it has been so long since I last saw you.” 

Yeonjun just tilts his head at that, not wanting to dig deep into that, not when he finally got to see Beomgyu. So, instead he asks, “I heard that you started going to an art club? How’s that going for you?” 

Beomgy’s face immediately lightens up at the mention of the art club, and it sends a small sting at Yeonjun’s heart because, apparently, he’s been missing out on something that is bringing Beomgyu so much joy. 

“It’s been really fun! I’ve met a lot of people, idols, actors, university students, and they have been friendly to me,” Beomgyu shares. “Oh, and I’ve been good at channeling my creativity, or so says the instructor, and I think this would help me with my slump.”

“That’s great!” Yeonjun praises, making Beomgyu beam at him. Feeling confident at the light conversation that they are having, Yeonjun playfully nags at Beomgyu, “Yah! You should’ve told me you’re buying all this stuff, I would’ve gone and got it for you. Show support for my dongsaeng in his new endeavor.” 

Something must’ve been wrong with what he just said because Beomgyu dims a little. He’s about to ask what is wrong when Beomgyu shakes his head. 

“Hyunjin hyung sent it to me as a welcoming gift. He said that, while the materials at the studio are nice to work with, it is still better for an artist to have his own materials, so he got me all these.” 

“Is that so,” he trails off, as he feels a second pang in his chest. He should probably ask the company doctor about that. “It’s great you have Hyunjin with you.” 

There is a shy smile on Beomgyu’s face when he says, “I know. He’s the one who asked me to join and he’s been really helpful to me.” 

Yeonjun feels another pang and he really should get that checked out because it might be a sign of a heart condition, or what if he’s been having a heart attack all this time? But, he chooses to linger in the doorway to watch Beomgyu unwrap and sort through his new art materials. He shifts his weight from one foot to another, before deciding to bring up something he has been meaning to talk to Beomgyu about. 

“Oh, by the way, I finally watched your cover. You did really well. I love it a lot.” 

Beomgyu’s hands paused over a set of colored markers, his smile still wide in its place, but there is a flicker of something in his eyes — something that looks like disappointment or maybe sadness. “Thanks, hyung,” Beomgyu replies warmly, but Yeonjun couldn’t shake the feeling that something is off. 

Yeonjun frowns slightly, sensing a shift but unable to pinpoint its cause. Normally, Beomgyu would tell him all the planning he did, and how he spent days practicing for it, and how everything went down during the recording and filming. But now, he looks around the room and feels a sudden wave of self-consciousness, like he’s an intruder in Beomgyu’s room. 

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “I should probably get going. I promised my mom that I would call her but I saw your door open and wanted to say hi because it’s been a while since I last saw you.” 

The excitement in Beomgyu’s eyes from minutes ago seems to have dulled, replaced by a guarded expression but his smile doesn’t waiver, feeling more like a mask now. “It’s nice to catch up with you, hyung.”

“Same here,” Yeonjun replies, trying to muster genuine warmth. As he turns to leave, he glances back one more time, seeing Beomgyu already turning his attention back to his art supplies, his expression unreadable. 

Walking back to his own room, Yeonjun’s mind is a whirl of confusion and worry. Did he say something wrong? Is there something he also missed out on? The image of Beomgyu’s guarded expression and forced smile lingers in his mind, making him feel an itch in the back of his brain. 

To keep up with each other, Yeonjun’s close circle of idol friends — his darlingz — take the time to rent an AirBnb and have their own get together just before someone leaves for a world tour. That is until Serim got his own place and they naturally crowned him as the eternal host of their get together that they intelligently titled, 99z reunion. 

Can it still be considered as a reunion if they have it at least five times a year? Yeonjun asks himself from time to time.Haknyeon says, it doesn’t count because they see each other a lot backstage or in the salon. Wooyoung says, it counts because seeing each other at work is not considered as getting together. Serim suggests that they should just call it 99z hangout , but Dino says it makes them a little too young, which Tag retorts by saying reunion makes them sound too old. In the end, no one could come up with a better name so they just settled to 99z reunion.

On his third shot, Yeonjun’s mouth loosens up and he starts spilling his emotions to the delight of his friends. Yeonjun, being the absolute lightweight he is, is always the fun of the party by the time he gets to his third or fourth shot. 

“Say, I have this friend who has this problem,” Yeonjun slurs a little. 

“And what is your friend’s problem?” Wooyoung asks, a little too happy because everyone knows who Yeonjun is talking about. Then he whispers to San, “Changbin is going to be so pissed to know that he missed this.” 

“My friend has this friend who he is always with. They do stuff together like shopping and nights walking in the park and dinner in restaurants,” Yeonjun continues. “But then, my friend noticed that he started to get this sting? Or, a pang in his chest whenever his friend is going out or hanging out with his friends. My friend’s friend’s friend. Huh? Wait.” Yeonjun interrupts himself to analyze his own story, eliciting a round of laughs from his friends. “So, my friend’s friend is hanging out with his other friends and my friend thinks he has something wrong with his chest. But when my friend asked a doctor for the checkup, the doctor said that I’m fine— I mean, the doctor said that he's fine, my friend, not the doctor.”

“Sounds like your friend is in love,” Dino comments, to which Haknyeon and Serim nods simultaneously. 

“He is?” Yeonjun asks. “But why is his heart stinging?” 

“He’s probably jealous that his friend is hanging out with other people,” Haknyeon says, speaking slowly so that Yeonjun could understand because he really looks like he’s out of it. 

“I am?” Yeonjun asks, noticing his second slip of tongue, he repeats, “My friend is? Jealous?” 

At the nods of his friends, Yeonjun slumps down in his seat in realization. “Huh.” 

Yeonjun wakes up with a groan. His head is pounding, his mouth tastes like sour stomach acid, and his whole body aching— all the things he feels when he has a terrible hangover. The light seeping through his curtains feels like daggers into his eyes, and he squeezes them shut, trying to remember how much he had drunk the night before. With great superman-like effort, he reaches over to his bedside table, fumbling for phone. 

As he turns on his phone, the screen lights up with a barrage of notifications, all coming from his group chat. He lowers the brightness of his screen, squinting as he try to make sense of the messages. 

Wooyoung 

rooting for you yeonddunie :P

Serim

fighting!!

Haknyeon

rooting for you, yj

Dino 

fighting, jjun

Changbin

what

what are you guys saying

rooting for him for what

is yeonjun going to do something

what

@wooyoung? @haknyeon? @dino? @serim? @mark? 

Mark 

? 

Yeonjun winces, the memories of the night before slowly coming back to him in hazy fragments. He vaguely remembers singing with Haknyeon, volunteering his credit card to pay for all their food, and I have this friend who has this problem— fuck. 

The throbbing pain in his head intensifies as he remembers the knowing looks that his friends exchange as his mouth rambles on about his friend and the teasing elbow nudges at his slips. 

He also remembers what they had said, sounds like your friend is in love , and is he? 

Yeonjun shakes his head, trying to dismiss the idea. “No, it’s just because we’re close friends,” he mutters to himself. “We’ve known each other for so long, and we’ve always been there for each other. It’s normal to feel this way.” 

But the more he thinks about it, the more his heart seems to betray him. Memories of Beomgyu’s bright smile, 

And the way Yeonjun loves the way Beomgyu’s eyes light up with excitement all plays through his mind. Yeonjun feels a familiar flutter in his chest, one he had been trying to ignore. 

“Come on, Yeonjun, it’s just because he’s your best friend,” he insists, but the denial feels hollow. He remembers the pride he feels whenever Beomgyu films his covers, how. Probably, his friends are right, these aren’t just feelings of friendship. 

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Why now? Why am I even thinking about this?” he asks himself, frustration creeping into his voice. Doubt gnaws at him, and he questions every interaction they share. Am I just putting meaning on innocuous things? Is he projecting his feelings onto Beomgyu because he is someone that Yeonjun had shared so many memories with? 

But then, Yeonjun recalls how Beomgyu always seems to know when something is bothering him, how he always makes Yeonjun laugh, even on his worst days. The way Beomgyu’s presence alone could lift his spirits. It isn’t just about comfort or familiarity; it is about how deeply he cares for Beomgyu — a little more than he cares about his other members , he admits guiltily, but he thought it’s because of how small he saw Beomgyu on his first day of training — and later on, his happiness seems so intrinsically tied to Beomgyu’s. 

“Could it be?” he whispers, fear filling his voice. The idea scares him. What if I’m wrong? What if this could make everything go wrong? We are reaching great heights in our career, what if these feelings would get out and change the whole dynamics of the group? 

“Maybe… maybe I do like him,” Yeonjun admits quietly. Only letting the close confines of his room hear him, not letting his voice escape out of the small slit under the door nor the open space of his window. 

He takes a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart. He knows he has to confront these emotions, to understand them fully. He needs to make sure about it himself. Before doing something about. Or, if he will not do something about it. 

And with that, a sense of clarity begins to form in his mind. He still doesn’t have all his answers, but he knows one thing for certain: he needs to be honest with himself about what he feels, no matter how scary it might be. 

Then, he also remembers when his friends tried to make sense of what he’s been feeling lately, he’s probably jealous that his friend is hanging out with other people .

I’m jealous? 

He thinks about it. Heeseung. Hyunjae. Hyunjin. And the pang of something unpleasant he feels when Beomgyu spends time with them. He didn’t think much of it, back then. Thinking that he is just worried about Beomgyu’s safety. But now, in the light of his very new realizations, those feelings take on a new meaning. 

Yeonjun closes his eyes, trying to understand it more. “Why do I feel jealous?” he mutters to himself. “They’re just his friends. I should be happy that he’s expanding his social circle. Happy that Beomgyu is happy.”

A little more pondering gives him a short explanation, which might be true to some extent. Seeing Beomgyu going out and hanging out with new people in his life scared him that he is losing a part of Beomgyu to others. He saw Beomgyu whispering something to Heeseung. He saw Beomgyu laughing with Hyunjae. He saw how Hyunjin was the one giving gifts to Beomgyu for his new hobby. All those were the things Beomgyu does with Yeonjun, but he’s now doing with others. 

The sad realization hits Yeonjun like a high speed train. No wonder his heart has been playing twister for the past few months. 

Despite realizing his feelings, Yeonjun decides that it is not time yet. If he wants things to go well, he has to be sure. And for him to be sure, he has to think about it some more time. Until he is ready. And the time is right. 

February. 

March. 

Yeonjun plans it out. 

He would slowly make his feelings known. Soft launching. Tiny bits and pieces that can mean something both platonic and romantic. Then, after a while, he will dial it up. Until Beomgyu will be able to catch on that something is different with him. 

Beomgyu is a romantic. He would appreciate a grand gesture, but not too grand as he is also quite simple. Wanting to keep the most intimate parts about him private, like a hushed secret. Yeonjun thinks of a song. Beomgyu would love that. The grand feeling of someone making a song for you, and Yeonjun will perform it in a picnic in the park, where only the stars and the moon will be their audience. It is romantic. And it will be the perfect confession for Beomgyu. 

The apartment is quiet, with the soft hum of the appliance the only sound breaking the silence. Yeonjun paces back and forth in his room. He checks his phone for what feels like the hundredth time, his eyes flicking to the clock. Beomgyu is late. They had plans to catch the last full show of the movie they are both waiting for, and now it’s an hour past their agreed meeting time. Yeonjun sighs, a mix of worry and frustration clouding his head. 

Where is he? Yeonjun thinks. It’s a twenty-minute drive to the cinema, and their movie is about to start in half an hour, but Beomgyu is still nowhere. No messages from him either. 

He grabs his jacket, his phone, and wallet— deciding to just wait for Beomgyu downstairs in the lobby of their building. Maybe Beomgyu has been caught up in traffic or had some other delay. As he steps out of the elevator, he hopes to see Beomgyu there, rushing in with an apologetic smile and ready to go. 

But when Yeonjun catches a glimpse of the entrance, he freezes midstep. Through the glass doors, he sees Beomgyu standing outside, laughing and talking animatedly with Hyunjin. Beomgyu’s face is beaming with joy. Hyunjin is equally engaged, their back and forth flowing effortlessly. 

A sharp pang of jealousy strikes Yeonjun’s heart, breaking it. Along with it is the sting of being sidelined. The excitement he had felt for their movie night evaporated, replaced by deep, aching sadness and heartbreak. 

He stands there for a moment, watching them, his heart sinking further with each passing second. He briefly wonders if he is masochistic as he continues to break his own heart. It is clear that Beomgyu had forgotten about their plans, too engrossed in his conversation with Hyunjin to remember. Yeonjun feels a lump in his throat, and he quickly turns away, not wanting to see the scene further. Save the rest of his heart for a heartbreak for another day. 

Upon reaching their unit, Yeonjun sits on the living room sofa, opening his phone to cancel the tickets he had booked. There’s only ten minutes left before the movie starts, it would be a miracle for them to arrive just in time. A miracle that will not happen because Beomgyu is still taking his time talking with Hyunjin at the entrance. He tries to close his eyes and calm himself. But he sees Beomgy’s smile and his animated gestures as he tells Hyunjin something. His heart breaks even more. 

After what feels like an eternity, he finally hears the familiar sound of their passcode being entered and the door creaking open. Beomgyu walks in, a smile on his face, but the sight does so little to ease Yeonjun’s frustration. 

“Hey, hyung!” Beomgyu greets, his voice cheerful. “I’m home.” 

Yeonjun forces a dry laugh, masking his hurt with a facade of indifference. “I noticed. How’s your day?”

Beomgyu drops his bag on the floor, and plops onto the couch beside Yeonjun. “It was great, actually. Did you know there’s an art shop in Garosu-gil? I also bought new clothes that I can use for practice. Hyunjin hyung should be this cafe where you can paint while you drink your coffee. I loved it.” 

Yeonjun nods, his stomach twisting with each word. “Sounds like you had a lot of fun.” 

“Yes!” Beomgyu says, oblivious to Yeonjun’s inner turmoil. “We planned on going back to the cafe next week because they have an art night thing that Hyunjin hyung and I are interested in.”

Yeonjun swallows hard, trying to keep his voice steady. “Beomgyu, do you think you’re forgetting something?” 

Beomgyu frowns, looking genuinely puzzled. “Forgetting something? What do you mean?” 

Yeonjun takes a deep breath, counting one-two-tree to keep his emotions in check. He feels like a full glass under an open faucet, water continues to fill him even if he’s way past the limit, each drop holding on and Yeonjun is putting his very best not to spill anything. 

“We had plans tonight, remember? We're supposed to watch a movie. I’ve been waiting for you since ten o’clock.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen in realization, and he slaps his forehead. “Oh, no! Hyung, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot. I got so caught up with Hyunjin hyung, It slipped my mind completely.”

Yeonjun chuckles bitterly, shaking his head. “Yeah, I figured as much.” 

Beomgyu moves closer, his expression earnest. “Hyung, I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to forget. Can we still go? I mean, maybe we can catch the next showing—” 

Yeonjun cuts, feeling drained. Who knows that trying to keep his emotions in check while dealing his heartbreak into smaller pieces every second is a tiring task? “Nevermind, Beomgyu.” 

“No,” Beomgyu says, stubbornly. He pulls his phone, opening a taxi booking app, saying, “I can book a taxi now, then we can book the tickets on the way. I’ll get a premium one, so it will be very fast—” 

“Beomgyu, that’s the last full show. And today is the last day.” 

“Hyung—” 

“I’ll just watch it when it comes out online.” Yeonjun picks up his jacket. “I’ll be in my room.” 

Beomgyu steps in front of him, which Yeonjun dodges with a side step, however Beomgyu can be persistent as he takes another step to block Yeonjun’s path to his door. 

“Beomgyu.” 

“Hyung, how about we just watch another movie here in the living room. I’ll make the popcorn. I think there’s still a box of Oreos in our cabinet.” 

“Beomgyu. I’m tired.” 

“No!” Beomgyu shouts. “Let me make up to you. Why are you pushing me away? Why are you being so dismissive of me?” 

Yeonjun hears blood rush in his ears. He tries to calmly say, “Beomgyu, you’ve had your fun for the day with Hyunjin. Aren’t you tired? Go get some rest. I’m tired too.” 

“No. No. No.” Beomgyu tries to push Yeonjun down the sofa. “Why are you acting like this? I forgot. I didn’t ditch you. I didn’t mean to forget. Why are you like this to me?” 

“Because I like you!” Yeonjun shouts. “And it hurts that you forgot your plans with me because you are out with another guy.” 

Beomgyu falls back. “What did you just say?”

“I feel like I’m not a priority to you anymore. And that I am slowly getting replaced and now, I am losing you,” Yeonjun says, tears beginning to run down his cheeks. 

“What did you say?” Beomgyu repeats. 

Yeonjun looks him straight into his eyes, wiping his tears with the back of his hands, but there are too many that are still falling from his eyes. “I like you, Beomgyu-yah.” 

“You're lying.” 

Overwhelmed by the rush of events, his heartbreak, his frustrations, his jealousy, his confession, and now, Beomgyu’s accusation— Yeonjun steps forward, closing the distance between them, and pulls Beomgyu into a kiss. It is desperate and intense, a collision of all the emotions he has been struggling to contain spills into the kiss, along with the desperation to make Beomgyu believe him. 

For a moment, Beomgyu is too shock to react, but then he roughly pulls away, his eyes wide with disbelief. “What did you do that for?” And he doesn’t let Yeonjun respond before his hand fly up, slapping Yeonjun across the face. The sound echoes in the room, and they both freeze, stunned by what just happened. 

Yeonjun stumbles back, his cheek stinging, and his eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry,” his voice breaking. “I… I didn’t mean to— but Beomgyu, I like you. I don’t know when it started, but I know I like you.”

Beomgyu’s mouth falls open, his eyes quickly filling with tears. He shakes his head, disbelief etched on his face. His voice shakes as he says, “No. No, hyung. Don’t say that. No. You never saw me that way,”

Yeonjun’s frustration peaks, and he takes a step closer, his voice wavering. He didn’t expect this outcome. He can’t find his voice. He can’t say anything. 

“I have made my peace that I will live the rest of my life as a shadow that will follow and admire you.” Angrily, Beomgyu repeats. “I have made peace with it, years ago . You don’t get to ruin that.”

“What are you talking about, Beomgyu?” Yeonjun asks, helplessly. He tries to reach out to Beomgyu, only for his hands to be slapped away. 

“All these years, I have been trying to play it cool, watching you go hang out with your thousands of friends, go out with hundreds of your admirers. I have swallowed my pride, and let me tell you, Choi Yeonjun, it was so fucking bitter. They get to be something to you, even for a couple of hours or a couple of nights. 

“All these years, I have yearned that I will be more than your fucking dongsaeng ,” Beomgyu spits out the word like it is a vile poison. “I have dreamed that one day you will get to see me . I have waited patiently for you to notice me until all I can do is assure myself that it’s okay, at least we’re the best of friends. That no matter what happens, I will still  be the one to greet you when you come home.

“Now, I am trying to discover myself and trying to grow, meeting people and going out. You have done this a thousand times before. And now, I am the one doing it, it’s all wrong? Just because, what? You don’t like it?”

Beomgyu’s voice turns into something dark and cruel. A tone that Yeonjun never expects from him. “Because you’re jealous?” 

Then, Yeonjun’s face hardens, his tears suddenly turning cold on his face. It’s like Beomgyu’s words, his tone, and his dull eyes trigger his fight or flight response. Realization hits him. He just understood his feelings for Beomgyu. He only got the confidence to admit it to him. And it feels like Beomgyu is slapping his feelings against his face. So many thoughts are running in Yeonjun’s brain. So many emotions  going through him and then he’s opening his mouth—and something ugly spills. 

“It’s a mistake. I take it back. I don’t like you. I will not like you. Not now, not ever.”

Beomgyu flinches as if struck, his expression turning from shock to hurt. He looks away, trying to compose himself. 

“You’re really so cruel, Choi Yeonjun.”

And something within Yeonjun just breaks. 

The next rundown of events feels like a blur to Yeonjun. It might be because of the constant stream of tears in his eyes. It might be because of the panic attack he had. Maybe, he blacked out. 

There’s a flurry of voices and sounds. Someone’s talking to him. Or, maybe they are talking to Beomgyu. 

“What’s happening?” 

Yeonjun wants to know too. 

“Hyung, I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Listen to my voice.” 

Yeonjun tries to focus on the voice. He wants his body to turn towards it, but he can’t. It suddenly feels like he is out of his body. At the same time, he can feel what his body is feeling. He’s being pushed away, then pulled somewhere. 

“Separate them from one another—” 

Yeonjun doesn’t protest as Jisoo ushers him into the car. He lets his manager sit him on the passenger seat and pull the seat belt across his body. Hot tears spurt from his eyes as curls his body on himself. The seat belt is pulling him tightly backwards, digging on the exposed skin of his neck and his chest, but it is nowhere near the tightness he has been feeling in his heart. 

When he was young, he would always cry to his mother of how lonely he was as an only child. Then, he cried when he had to say goodbye to his friends because he’s moving to California. As a member of Tomorrow x Together, he is known to be the first one to cry during their fanmeets and concerts. He is the first one who cried when he was declared to be the first member of the debut team, and at the announcement of a new member getting added, he cried. He might have cried a thousand times before, but nothing will ever come close to this.

Inevitably, he runs out of tears. His hands tightly clings on the seat belt, finding comfort at the uncomfortable edge digging into his palm. He tries to breathe, but he feels too tired and spent. He also feels dehydrated, like he just cried all the water in his body.

Jisoo has been driving around the whole time, however long Yeonjun spent crying, and he doesn’t know where they are. Maybe they have driven all the way to Incheon or Sokcho. Yeonjun cannot find it in himself to care. He can be driven off a cliff, Loser Lover style, and he wouldn’t blink. With his current emotional state, he would even thank Jisoo. 

They pull up at a gas station, the place still unfamiliar to Yeonjun, and Jisoo gets out of the car. He watches the manager practically run inside the convenience store, probably scared to leave Yeonjun alone. A couple of minutes pass by, maybe, when Jisoo comes back in, a black plastic bag in his hand.  

Yeonjun watches blankly as Jisoo pulls out a water bottle, twisting the cap off, and handing it over to him. He doesn’t move. Jisoo sighs, opening the glove box to get a straw that they keep in packs. He opens one, dropping it to the opening of the water bottle, and makes sure that the tip is touching Yeonjun’s lip. 

“Drink,” he gently says. 

And Yeonjun timidly does. He takes time between sips and gulps while Jisoo patiently waits for him. 

“Where should I take you?” Jisoo asks as he drives back to the road. He peers over at Yeonjun. Yeonjun wonders what’s running through his manager’s mind; the poor kid, can’t even process the whole situation, can’t even formulate words. “Tell me a place and I’ll bring us there. Or we can just drive in circles.” 

Yeonjun takes a long time to answer, struggling to think of a place that isn’t the dorms where Beomgyu is. He opens his mouth, but no voice comes out. Great. Maybe he cried his voice box out earlier. He closes his eyes in frustration, hitting his chest once, twice, and thrice. He can feel the familiar burn of his eyes again. I can’t talk. My voice will be so fucked. How can I sing? I’m an idol. For fuck’s sake, nothing is going my way today. 

Before he can continue to sink in a dark hole once again, he feels a nudge in his hand. He opens his eyes and sees Jisoo nodding at the water bottle he is tightly holding in his hand. “Drink.” 

Yeonjun obediently takes a drink. He focuses on feeling the liquid travel down his throat, trying to ground himself. He takes a couple of more gulps before he is able to rasp out, “To my house. Please.”

The drive is silent. Jisoo asked him earlier if he wanted the radio turned on, but Yeonjun declined. He can’t process any added stimulus. He presses his cheek into the cool window, letting his eyes be blinded by the headlights of the incoming cars. 

Soon enough they arrive in the familiar neighborhood of Yeonjun’s house. They park right in front and luckily, Yeonjun’s father is outside the house, on his way back from throwing their trash in the recycling bins.

Jisoo gets out of the car, greeting Yeonjun’s father. Yeonjun watches as a few whispers are exchanged by Yeonjun’s father and Jisoo. He’s probably giving some made up reason, anything but what really went down in the earlier hours of the night. Probably something about Yeonjun missing home and losing a little motivation. A lie evident to anyone who knows him. But his father nods like he understands.  

“Take a rest for a couple of days, Yeonjun-ah,” Jisoo quietly tells him as he gets down from the car. “Don’t worry about anything. I’ll handle everything. Just rest.” 

Yeonjun nods numbly. His father throws an arm around his shoulder as Jisoo starts walking back to the car. “Call me when you want me to pick you up. Or, if you need something.”

“Thank you, Jisoo hyung,” Yeonjun mumbles, earning him a small smile from his manager. 

Comforting a grown man cry is probably not written in Jisoo’s list of responsibilities as a manager nor driving the mentioned grown man around in an impromptu road trip, but he still did it. They keep a close relationship with their managers, but tonight, he feels even closer to Jisoo. That’s what happens when someone sees you cry your eyes out , Yeonjun guesses. 

Yeonjun barely notices his father guiding him inside the house, barely returning his mother’s hug, barely paying attention to what they said. He also barely notices that he is already sitting on his bed until his father has closed his door. Finally alone, all the emotions crash back into him. He quickly stands up to lock the door of his bedroom, not wanting his parents to see him crying. He had already hurt someone he loves today, he can’t add more to that. 

His mind flashes back to all the events that happened, and remembering Beomgyu’s eyes, Yeonjun feels sick to his stomach.  His favorite twinkling eyes turned dark and dull, full of pain caused by him. 

He feels the sourness of the kimchi jjigae he had for lunch and the iced americano he had been sipping all day, his throat and nose and eyes burning when he had been hit with what just happened— with what he had said to Beomgyu. 

It’s a mistake. I don’t like you. I will not like you. Not now, not ever.

He is so impulsive. He is so stupid. He’s an impulsive idiot. 

Acid rises from the back of his throat, and he runs to grab the trash bin beside the bed. He dry heaves, but nothing comes out, making it even more physically painful for him. 

He feels more sick when he sees the time. He’s supposed to meet with their public relations manager for a brand deal he plans to accept, but he couldn’t find the strength to get up from the floor. He’s been failing to do anything right. Why can’t I do anything right? He thinks of sending a message, but he pats his pockets and realizes he doesn’t have his phone on him nor anything else. Not wanting to leave the room and ask his parents for their phone,  Yeonjun just chooses to lay on his bed and trust Jisoo to fix it all for him. He has never felt so helpless.

Even with the mattress pressing against his back, Yeonjun feels like he’s floating, like his soul just separated from his body. Then, a second later, he feels like he’s being tortured, internally. It feels like there’s something heavy pressing down on top of his chest, crushing his ribs, and forcefully expelling all the air in his lungs until Yeonjun is all curled up and crying. 

 Some twisted being somewhere must be having fun playing with his emotions. 

When he was younger, all he thought about were dance choreographies, rap lyrics, and how to sing proper notes. He’s an excellent trainee, excelling in all three categories: dance, rap, and vocals. That’s why he got dubbed as BigHit’s Legendary Trainee .To achieve that, Yeonjun would skip classes, sometimes being absent multiple days in a row due to training or more practice time before the monthly evaluations. He knows just enough to pass his exams, sometimes getting high grades, sometimes a couple of marks above the passing grade. 

And Yeonjun has never been an expert in Anatomy. But, from what he knows from his recent physical examination, he is not sick. But why is his heart hurting ?

He had written hundred songs about love and heartbreak. He had sung the same songs every night for the last few years. But he never knew it would feel like this. Like all the sadness and regret he feels had physically manifested into a knife that stabs him repeatedly. 

All Yeonjun could do right now is cry. And cry. And cry. Until he passes out, still crying in his sleep. 

Everyone was just so busy back then. They have to adjust everyone’s schedule, making sure that only a certain amount of people is present in a certain place so that they wouldn’t be breaking pandemic protocol. It meant that sometimes Yeonjun would be in the same room as one or two members, sometimes Yeonjun would be alone with the company staff. 

“Everyone’s attention is on KPop right now,” a company staff member from marketing says. “It’s high time that we use that to gain more attention and extend Tomorrow x Together’s reach. Contents, releases, appearances — we all need to constantly present something so that everyone can see your name.” 

So, they worked double time. Juggling between comeback preparations, solo schedules, group schedules, variety show appearances, magazine photoshoot, all while trying to battle the pandemic depression and the idol depression of not being able to see their fans — Yeonjun doesn’t notice Beomgyu’s gentle pulling away. 

It was slow — slow enough for Yeonjun not to notice — and it was convenient for Beomgyu, as they were filming in different locations in different time schedules. Yeonjun would be coming home to the dorm, and Beomgyu had already left for his schedule. 

By the time that Yeonjun felt something was wrong — Beomgyu was already shifting slightly until he’s standing in a corner, just near enough to stay in the same frame but far enough that Yeonjun couldn't feel his presence behind his back.

At first, Yeonjun thought that he’s thinking too much. Maybe, there is a detail on Beomgyu’s clothes that he wants the fans to notice. A brand promotion stint. Maybe, the other side of their line formation has space in between. Balance in group pictures is a must. Maybe, Beomgyu is just feeling stuffy. A little space for a breather. Maybe— Maybe— Maybe—

And then, it becomes clearer. Beomgyu would be three steps away from Yeonjun’s back, two if he gets scolded by the photographer. Then, Beomgyu started standing on the opposite side of the line, even if they have a designated position that they have been following since debut. It throws everyone off a bit, Soobin would gently remind Beomgyu of his position until it happens so often that they start having a new formation. 

And then, Beomgyu starts to laugh less when it was Yeonjun telling the jokes. Staying silent when it was Yeonjun telling a story. Being clueless when it was Yeonjun being talked about. Shrugging off Yeonjun’s touch. Changing his seat when Yeonjun sits beside him. Leaving the room when Yeonjun enters. 

Until it boils down to one group live. 

“You really don’t have interest in me.” 

That night, Beomgyu knocks on his door, whispering a silent apology and a promise that things will get better. He said that he’s just been dealing with things that made him pull away. Everything will be back to how it was. No further explanation. 

The next day, Beomgyu fulfills his promise. 

Two days into his vacation, Yeonjun runs out of energy to cry, but is still feeling as miserable as ever. He feels numb from the hurt he felt. He briefly wonders if all the hurt that he has felt in the past two days increased his tolerance for pain. Yeonjun supposes this is better than crying his eyes out. 

However, when his mother places a table full of his favorite food and his father puts on his favorite movie, Yeonjun doesn't find any joy, so he has to force himself to smile and say his thanks. But he catches his reflection in the mirror and sees how wrong his smile is. It’s flat, like he’s just showing his teeth. His eyes don't crinkle at the ends, just looking black and dull. 

So, Yeonjun concludes that feeling the pain is better than feeling nothing at all. 

Yeonjun’s mother suggests he clean his things, saying that there are so many old things stored there that can be donated or given away. Wanting to clear his head from his thoughts, Yeonjun began sorting through his things. 

For a while, Yeonjun manages to distract himself by making piles of what he wants to keep, donate, and give away. The process is therapeutic; put what he can still use on his bed, put what he wants to donate in the left box, put what he wants to give away in the right box.

Then, buried inside one of his bags filled with his old clothes is Beomgyu’s scrunchie. It’s one of the scrunchies from their group merch, one that Yeonjun smuggled for Beomgyu when he saw how the younger likes it. He could’ve just asked one of the staff for it and he will probably get ten new ones, but there is something more sweeter when he secretly pockets it for Beomgyu. 

Unconsciously, Yeonjun presses it against his face, trying to catch a hint of Beomgyu’s scent. But all he got was a faint scent of old clothes and dust. The scent is wrong. It doesn’t smell like Beomgyu’s perfume nor the hair spray he loves. 

He gets reminded that Beomgyu is mad at him. And of how much hurt was in Beomgyu’s eyes when they fought. You’re really so cruel, Choi Yeonjun. And he drops the scrunchie as if it physically burned him. He stares at it, deciding it is best to leave it on his bedside table, not knowing what to do with it. 

After two more days, Yeonjun still hasn't decided on what he will do with it, so he just decided to wear it on his wrist. 

Five days into his hiding, Wooyoung knocks on the door of their house, bearing cold beer and chicken from his favorite takeout place. Yeonjun doesn’t know how his friend knew that he’s staying in his parent’s house nor does he remember telling Wooyong his parent’s address. Yeonjun doesn’t know if he wants to ask how Wooyoung is able to track his whereabouts, but he does welcome his friend with open arms.

Later that night, the two of them drank all the beer that Wooyoung brought in front of the television, crying at all the chick flicks that Netflix recommends. And even deeper into the night, after their brain feels a little numb from all the movies they watched and beer they drank, Yeonjun feels his stomach fuller than ever, and yet. 

And yet, his chest seems to be as hollow as ever. When he tells Wooyoung his thoughts, his friend grins to him sadly, handing him another opened can of beer. 

“What? Did you really think that running away and hiding in your parent’s house would heal you from heartbreak?” he asks. 

Somewhere down the road, a loud cursing that Yeonjun recognizes as his neighbors rang out, followed by a round of laughter. The floor is cold against Yeonjun’s alcohol warm skin, he likes it, feeling grounded because of contrasting temperatures. He raises his hand, staring intently at the thin black ring that he’s wearing. Downwards his hands, he sees the blue silk scrunchie that never left his wrist for the past two days except for when he’s about to take a shower or wash the dishes. 

“Not exactly. I just thought dealing with it would be a little easier than this,” he mumbles, taking a sip of the cold beer. At least the bitterness and burn down his throat makes him feel alive, even if it contributes with the burn in his eyes. 

“You like to look at things from the better side, Yeonjun-ah,” Wooyoung whispers into the air. His beer can falls on the floor, spilling the remaining beer on the floor, but the both of them don't bother moving to clean it up. “Trying to make things seem lighter than it really is for the people around you. Then, you try to embrace the brunt of it. You’re a little too self-sacrificial, don’t you think?” 

Yeonjun hums noncommittally. “Do I do that?” 

“Yes! Like when we were training together. For some reason, you felt responsible for all of us. Even for trainees that you didn’t even get to talk to, quits or gets cut off the program.” Wooyoung falls silent beside him. “You know, you did it too when Yeosang and I transferred.” 

“Wooyoung…” 

“We’re already friends at that time. But I thought, hey, he truly cares this much? When we told you that we were at KQ, you made sure to ask around about the company environment. Don’t bother denying it, someone told me.” 

Yeonjun chuckles guiltily. 

Wooyoung laughs at him. “You can ask the others. I’m pretty sure that they will have their own stories about you, too.” 

“No, thanks.” 

“Hey,” Wooyoung says, now surprisingly gentle. “You are not responsible for everyone, okay? You don’t have to act like a shield for all of us. Even for your members, Yeonjun-ah. You can depend on them. And you have to start thinking about yourself too. Enjoy where you currently are, right now. Take walks under the moonlight, smell the flowers, and dance in the rain. Do everything you want to do.”

Yeonjun stares at his friend, eyes wide and impressed. “Since when did you get so wise ?” 

Wooyoung shoves him, hard enough that he almost falls to his side. “Well, I obviously have to be the wise one when you are being a big idiot. Balance and all that.” 

“Thank you, Wooyoung,” Yeonjun says, sincerely. 

“This thing, between you and Beomgyu? I believe that you will get through this, soon.”

“You think so?” 

“From what I know about the two of you,” Wooyoung drifts off, taking another sip of his beer. “You two can solve this. Only if you just talked about it, together. But the two of you get protective over the other, so you just like to keep it all to yourselves. And that’s why we are in this moment right now.” 

“Huh.” 

“Think about it.” 

After carrying a drunk Wooyoung to his bed, Yeonjun doesn’t know what to do. Despite drinking way too much beer, his brain is alive and running. So, he stalks to the bathroom and turns on the shower. If it can go his way, he would drown himself, and maybe, magically, he will get reincarnated to a life where all his problems are solved. But he wouldn’t trade anything for this life he got. 

So, under the spray of the shower, Yeonjun tries to take on the Herculean task of unpacking all the emotions that have been running through his veins that led him to where he is now. One, he is irrationally angry at Beomgyu for having friends and hanging out with said friends. Something that he absolutely has done multiple times, since their first comeback. 

Two, he is jealous of Beomgyu’s friends. Of Heeseung for being one of Beomgyu’s closest friends, and he can also be considered as Beomgyu’s best friend following Soobin. Being same-age friends who have known each other for so long, there are things about Beomgyu that Heeseung would be able to understand more than Yeonjun, even if Yeonjun is still considered close to their age. Yeonjun remembers Beomgyu’s words ‘I have yearned that I will be more than your fucking dongsaeng’  and thinks Ah, no matter how I try to bridge that gap, I will not be able to cross it. 

All because he was born earlier than Beomgyu. One year and six months. Five hundred forty-seven days. 

Of Hyunjae for being able to get close to Beomgyu due to his hobby, one that Yeonjun is not really that knowledgeable about. From time to time, or during ToDo filmings, Yeonjun is able to play it with Beomgyu. He definitely found it fun, even going as far as downloading it to his phone and playing with him. However, Yeonjun can’t keep up with Beomgyu’s investment in the game— he isn’t able to play with him every night nor be updated on the newest character or weapon released nor know what gameplay would be the best for this character. In time, Beomgyu might’ve seen Yeonjun’s difficulty when he says, hyung, you don’t have to play with me, it’s fine.  

Of Hyunjin for helping Beomgyu defeat his slump, something that Yeonjun is unable to help with. Then, Hyunjin is the one who showed Beomgyu another hobby, something that he likes as much as he likes music production. Then, Hyunjin is the one who is buying Beomgyu gifts. Then, Hyunjin is the one bringing Beomgyu around Seoul to eat dinner. And then, all Beomgyu’s stories are filled with Hyunjin’s name. That used to be him. Yeonjun.

And for the first time in the past three days, Yeonjun starts to cry again. 

“Wooyoungie,” Yeonjun whispers. “How am I going to solve this?” 

He doesn’t expect Wooyuong to answer, knowing how drunk and sleepy his friend is. But Wooyoung, like he has a sensor for Yeonjun’s problems, sleepily says, “Stop being harsh on yourself. And trust Beomgyu more.” 

Yeonjun lay there all night, wide awake and thinking about what Wooyoung said.

The next day, Yeonjun borrows his father’s car to bring Wooyoung around his hometown. He brings Wooyoung to a small arcade he used to frequent when he was a kid. The bright neon lights and the row of claw machines seems to excite his friend who immediately takes a picture to send it to his own group members. 

Then, Wooyoung is pulling him towards one of the claw machines. “Pose!” he says, and without any more warning, clicks his phone camera. 

Yeonjun complains about the lack of warning, asking to see the picture and if he looks good in it. Wooyoung waves him off before asking where they would be going next. 

During their walk to a nearby restaurant, he pretends not to notice when Wooyoung sends a picture to a Kakao account with a profile picture similar to Beomgyu’s. 

That same day, Wooyoung gets picked up by his manager. When Wooyoung sheepishly admits that he just had his own members cover up for his sudden absence from practice, Yeonjun claps his back and 

“Come home soon, okay?” Wooyoung whispers to him in the middle of their hug. 

Later on, Yeonjun meets up with his friends. Those who came from his hometown and witnessed his growth before the gruel trainee period took all his youth, before he became Tomorrow x Together’s Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun has always been thankful for them. Despite his complicated schedule of being an idol and their own schedule with university and work, they still find time to hang out with him during his vacation. They would always send him pictures of the albums they bought to show support and from time to time, they would come and watch his concert. With them, even in a short span of a few hours, he gets to be Choi Yeonjun, the carefree kid from Bundang. 

A tradition they have kept since Yeonjun started training is a carpool ride to the nearest beach. There, on the rocky side of the beach, they like to talk about the mundanity of life, this time shared by Yeonjun’s friend who got married six months ago. She married her college sweetheart in a small intimate ceremony where Yeonjun sang Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran. During the ceremony, Yeonjun was swept away by his emotions, tearing up as he watched the bride and groom say their vows and exchange rings.  His friend standing beside him silently passes him a handkerchief which he gratefully accepts. 

That night, Yeonjun wonders, will I ever have that? before drifting off to dream of white suits, a flower altar, and a pair of twinkling eyes. 

When he wakes up, he borrows his mother’s phone and calls Jisoo. 

The sun has just begun to set, casting a golden orange glow over the streets of Seoul, when Yeonjun gets dropped  in the parking lot of their apartment building. His feet trudge as he makes his way to the elevator, methodically scanning his keycard and pressing the button of their floor. He walks through the hallway, taking each second as he presses the passcode of their door. 

The sight of four pairs of shoes in the entryway greets him. He toes off his shoes, completing the usual five pairs. Then, he lets the scent of their dorm fill his lungs; it is a mix of tangerines, instant ramyeon, and the unique scent that Yeonjun’s brain has associated with their dorm.

Yeonjun’s heart pounds hard in his chest, nervous as ever, as he makes his way down the corridor, past the living room where it all went downhill for him. He tries to swallow the heavy lump forming in his throat, hand tightening its hold at the paperbag that he’s holding. His shirt feels so tight and rough against his skin, like something is pulling him back to the entryway, back into the hallway, back into the elevator, and down in the parking lot, so that he can run away back to his parent’s house. 

As he rounds the corner to his room, he nearly collides into a familiar body. The ground seems to drop down beneath Yeonjun, leaving him suspended in a void. His stomach tightens with petrified anticipation of the inevitable fall. When he calls Jisoo, deciding that it is time for him to return to the dorm, he has braced himself for facing Beomgyu, but no amount of planning and practice has prepared him for this moment. 

Yeonjun lets his eyes travel upward until his eyes meets Beomgyu’s. Just like a week ago, it feels as if all the breath had been knocked out of his lungs. 

Nothing had changed with Beomgyu the past week. Same hair, same lips, and same twinkling eyes— but Yeonjun’s heart is thudding, banging against his ribs because Beomgyu is beautiful as ever. Would I ever be allowed to call him that again? 

“Uh, hey,” Beomgyu says, his voice catching a little. He takes a step back, eyes widened in surprise. His lips twitched into a forced relaxed smile, the effort makes him look a little crazed, but it still makes Yeonjun’s heart thud.“Didn’t know you’ll be back today.” 

Yeonjun gives a small, awkward chuckle. “Yeah. Can’t stay in my parents long — with work and stuff I need to do,” he awkwardly explains, his free hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. 

They both stand there for a moment, the silence stretching uncomfortably between them. Yeonjun’s mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. Should I apologize? Should I bring up the fight? No. Just act normal. Maybe, that’s a better option. But what is normal? 

“So, um,” Beomgyu starts hesitantly, his fingers playing with the strings of his hoodie. “How were your parents?” 

Small talk? I could do that, he thinks, however all he gave is a noise that could be taken either as an answering squeak — Who is he now? Did Odi possess him? — or a constipated whine. He winces at the sound. 

“They're fine,” he briefly answers, creating this awkward atmosphere that makes Beomgyu shuffle in his feet  and Yeonjun to bite his tongue. So, he adds, “My mom made me bring some food, so if you want—” He pauses. Is he asking Beomgyu to eat with him? Would it be too soon? Am I even ready for that when I can’t even engage in small talk? 

Beomgyu probably notices how Yeonjun can’t continue his sentence, sensing how uncomfortable he is. He’s always been good at knowing when Yeonjun is feeling uncomfortable. “Uh, I just ate lunch out. But thank you for offering.”

“Good. It’s good that you have eaten already, I mean.” Yeonjun clears his throat, wanting to escape to his room. He points at his door, making Beomgyu look at it, before he says, “Yeah, I’m going to go and rest now.” 

“Oh, okay, hyung,” Beomgyu says, pressing himself against one side of the hallway to let Yeonjun pass through. 

Yeonjun hastily walks towards his door, opening it, and closing it behind him.

Apparently, the awkward hallway encounter is just the start of Yeonjun and Beomgyu’s game of avoidance.

Round 1: The Practice Room 

Yeonjun walks into the practice room, bag slung over his shoulder and his phone in one hand. As he enters, he sees Beomgyu already there, diligently stretching on the floor. Normally, Yeonjun would tease how rare it is to see Beomgyu so early in the practice room, but when their eyes meet briefly, Yeonjun quickly looks away to pretend to be engrossed in finding something in his bag. 

After reorganizing his entire bag, Yeonjun makes a beeline for the far side of the room, pointedly looking at the floor to avoid meeting Beomgyu’s eyes. He unrolls his mat and starts his own stretches while facing the back wall, which is now considered as the safe wall because it has no mirrors meaning no accidental eye contact with Beomgyu.  

When the other members finally trickle in, Yeonjun finally gets to relax and properly do his stretching routine. 

Round 2: The Kitchen 

One evening, Yeonjun walks into the kitchen to grab a drink. To his surprise, Beomgyu is already there, rummaging through the fridge. Their eye meet, and for a moment, neither of them moves. 

“Uh, just getting some water,” Yeonjun says, breaking the silence and heading to the cupboard where they keep their tumblers. 

“Yeah, me too,” Beomgyu mumbles, grabbing a soda and stepping aside to let Yeonjun pass. They maneuver around each other awkwardly, obviously avoiding any physical contact. The air is thick with tension they both feel but didn’t acknowledge. 

As soon as Yeonjun gets his water, he leaves the kitchen hurriedly, not wanting to prolong the agonizing encounter. 

Round 3: The Living Room 

Kai had taken upon himself to knock on everyone’s door for a movie night. It is noticeable to everyone how Yeonjun and Beomgyu took opposite ends on the long couch rather than their usual spot on the love seat, but no one dared to make a comment about it. Although, knowing how gossipy his members could be, Yeonjun knows that he and Beomgyu will be the topic of the trio's group chat. 

During the movie, their eyes never meet, and their laughter is directed more at the movie and their friends’ antics than at each other. Later on, as soon as the ending credits start showing, Yeonjun stands up and goes to his bedroom, emphasizing a yawn. 

Round 4: The Studio 

Day after the movie night, Yeonjun goes to the studio to work on some lyrics. He isn’t expecting anyone else to be there so early in the morning like him, due to the late night that they just had, so when he finds Beomgyu already tapping away at the keyboard, he freezes. 

“Hey, I can leave if you need the space,” Beomgyu offers, starting to gather his things.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just come back later,” Yeonjun stammers, backing out of the room. 

“Hyung, we can just share the space. It’s big enough for both of us. 

But Yeonjun is already out the door. 

Round 5: The Elevator

Not having anything in his schedule for the next hour, Yeonjun chooses to loiter in the artist lounge. As he is about to enter the elevator, he almost collides with Beomgyu. They both stop abruptly, a now familiar awkward silence enveloping them. 

“Sorry, didn’t see you,” Yeonjun says, stepping back to give Beomgyu space. 

“No problem,” Beomgyu replies, equally stiff.

Yeonjun makes a quick excuse about an urgent schedule, an obvious lie because they have similar schedules for the day, while Beomgyu lets him enter the elevator and watch him press the close button multiple times, desperately. 

It seems like avoiding being alone with Beomgyu is impossible as a week later, he finds himself alone in the dorm  with Beomgyu.  He briefly wonders if it has been a deliberate set up from the other members because Yeonjun wouldn’t put it past them to stage an intervention. 

The quiet footsteps approaching the living room is unmistakable. Yeonjun’s heart skips a beat as Beomgyu appears in the hallway, his expression unreadable. For a moment, Beomgyu stands there, contemplating where to stay or retreat. The tension is, once again, thick between them. 

Yeonjun, trying to act nonchalant, says, “You don’t have to leave. You can stay here with me.”

Beomgyu steps closer, studying Yeonjun’s face, searching for any signs of insincerity. After a moment, he walks towards the coffee table and takes a seat on the floor, a wry smile tugging at his lips. “Finally done avoiding me, huh?” he says bluntly, his tone tinged with a mixture of curiosity and accusation. 

Not knowing how to respond, Yeonjun stays silent. 

For the next hour, Yeonjun is still on the couch, mindlessly staring at the television, even though his brain feels numb with the bright images from watching it all day. Beomgyu has an assortment of pens and pencils, an open notebook, and a huge eraser on the coffee table. Yeonjun watches as Beomgyu writes something before clicking his tongue and erasing what he wrote. 

Half an hour passes until Yeonjun decides to abandon the drama that he doesn’t even understand to sit beside Beomgyu on the floor. This is the closest they’ve been in a week. The fabric of Beomgyu’s hoodie and Yeonjun’s arm brush, but Yeonjun presses the thought at the back of his brain. Not the time, he thinks. 

“Having a problem?” he whispers, finally extending an olive branch. He waits for Beomgyu’s response, his heart’s thuds emphasizing each passing second that Beomgyu remains silent. 

“Just this little project that I started,” Beomgyu shares, pushing his notebook towards Yeonjun. “I had this melody stuck in my head for a while, but I am trying to figure out the vibe I am going for.” 

As the two of them are the only ones in the dorm, they only have the accent lights opened. The shadows catch over Beomgyu’s face, making his eyes look a little darker, eyelashes thicker. His hair is a little ruffled, the same way as when Beomgyu falls asleep while getting his makeup done or in the middle of car rides from one of their schedules to another. 

“Want me to help?” 

Beomgyu looks at him, surprised, but Yeonjun pointedly keeps his stare at the notebook. “Uh, yeah— sure, hyung.” 

Yeonjun looks up, not missing how Beomgyu flinches out of his stare. “Can I listen to what already you have?” 

Beomgyu nods, still a little hesitant, before opening his phone. “It’s a little rough. I only have these bits and pieces of my voice recordings and my guitar. I still have to establish and properly record the beats for it— honestly, it’s literally nothing right now, hyung.” 

Sometimes their legs press against each other, seeping warmth through fabric. Skin brushes as Yeonjun presses play in one of Beomgyu’s recordings. And it’s just so normal of them. Their sleepy voices mingle and it lulls both of them into a quiet sense of domesticity. It’s almost like just for the night, they can pretend that the past week didn’t happen; that they can just fall back as Yeonjun and Beomgyu again. 

As the hours pass by, they have a semblance of the vibe Beomgyu wants. He takes in the small smile that is tugging at Beomgyu’s lips, a real one that he had missed terribly. 

Although it pains Yeonjun to admit, he knows that by the time he wakes up, they will go back to minimal conversations. 

Wordlessly, Yeonjun and Beomgyu cleans up their mess to go sleep in their respective rooms. Yeonjun tidies up the couch, putting the television remote on the coffee table as Beomgyu places each of his pens into his pouch. 

Beomgyu looks like he wants to say something. Yeonjun silently waits for him. 

“Thank you for helping me,” Beomgyu finally, quietly says, looking small and shy. “Good night, and— I missed you, Yeonjun hyung.”

Yeonjun is stunned, staring off into the darkness Just as he begins to compose a thought, he hears the tiny click of Beomgyu’s door closing.

 I missed you, Yeonjun hyung. 

 I missed you, Yeonjun hyung. 

 I missed you, Yeonjun hyung. 

Beomgyu’s voice echoes through Yeonjun’s ears the entirety of the night. It makes his heartbeat accelerate, stirring excitement that he hasn’t experienced in a while.

In preparation of the upcoming onslaught of the comeback cycle, they have started filmingToDo episodes in advance. With the success of the previous painting episode, and to give them a little rest from the pressure of being entertaining on camera, the ToDo producer decides to recreate the action painting episode. 

This time, they would be guided with prompts that they will be picking from a fishbowl, a countermeasure that the producer placed to avoid an accidental spoiling of their comeback plans again. Losing the first round of the sequence game, Yeonjun watches as the remaining members fight on who would draw first.  

Each member takes their turns drawing a prompt from the fishbowl filled with five folded slips of paper, and it is finally Yeonjun’s turn. 

Yeonjun smiles at Kai’s sarcastic comment on how Yeonjun has a lot of choices, then he reaches into the fishbowl, his fingers brushing against the paper. He pulls it out and unfolds it, before seeing the prompt, he glances up to meet Beomgyu’s eyes across the table. His eyes are intense as he watches Yeonjun, making him think about what’s in Beomgyu’s mind. 

Yeonjun returns his gaze back down at the paper he’s been holding and reads Love. 

“We’ll give you an hour to paint something that fits your prompt,” the producer says into his microphone. “Did you notice that you don’t have your painting materials yet?” 

There goes thinking that this episode will be easy. 

“You can only paint using what you have,” the producer says, before a bunch of the staff comes in to set up a table and a bunch of art materials. One of the staff approaches them with five baskets that look like it is snatched from the closest grocery store. 

“Does everyone have a basket?” the producer asks, making them look around. “Now, you only have a minute to grab whatever you need— paint, brush, pencils, markers, anything you think you need. After that, you cannot get any more materials to finish your artwork.” 

Just as Kai is about to open his mouth, probably to throw in a joke about making Soobin do aegyo for extra art materials— the producer cuts in, anticipating the joke, “No extensions. No extras, Huening Kai-ssi.” 

At the sound of the timer starting, Yeonjun races towards the collection of paint cans and tubes, grabbing what he can reach — which turns out to be varying shades of brown and black paint — before grabbing a pack of paint brushes. A tube of white paint falls on the floor, catching his attention. 

He doesn’t know what he would paint as love with brown and black paint. Anyone would go for lighter colors and the obvious red and pink combination. But, at the sight of the white paint, he suddenly remembers a faint picture. 

He sees the timer nearing the end, as he makes a dive for the tube. 

Yeonjun sits in front of his designated canvas at the corner of the studio.. His brush moves with deliberate precision, dipping into his palette of varying shades of brown black, and white. Each stroke is well-thought of. 

It’s a rare sight to see Yeonjun’s so focused and quiet while filming ToDo, but at that moment, his usual easygoing and funny demeanor is replaced by an intense concentration that makes his brows furrowed and lips jut out. 

Just in time with the alarm, Yeonjun steps back to survey his work, wiping a stray smudge of pain from his cheek. The image on the canvas begins to take form, and amidst the rich, varied hues, a familiar set of bright, sparkling eyes emerges. 

 “Yeonjun, what prompt did you get?” 

Yeonjun inhales deeply, before answering, “Love.” 

Then he carefully turns his easel around, finally showing everyone what he had painted. He pointedly stares in front of him, pretending not to notice the recognition in his members’ faces. 

“Can you explain your painting?” 

“I think our eyes show our true selves and our true feelings. It can be incredibly expressive, revealing things that we try to conceal in our words and body language. I also believe that the most beautiful part of a person is their eyes, the way it crinkles in the corners when a person smiles, the way eyes can look at someone with so much love, and lastly, how it twinkles when a person is truly happy.”

Yeonjun briefly gets scared that he might’ve exposed too much. It wouldn’t be hard for someone to know who’s eyes he painted and his explanation showed his emotions a little too deeply. 

A look around the studio shows everyone’s reaction to his painting and explanation, the producer seems satisfied, a couple of cameramen are nodding in agreement, and a bunch of other staff members are whispering at each other with a blush on their cheeks. 

Then, Yeonjun finally looks at his subject. 

Beomgyu is still staring at the painting, taking in every stroke. 

This is my true feelings for you, Beomgyu. 

Last to reveal his artwork is Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu turns his canvas, showing everyone in the studio his artwork, showing his depiction of contentment. 

And when Yeonjun sees what Beomgyu painted, he is blown away. 

At the bottom of the canvas, two hands rest on a wooden floor, each belonging to a different person. Their fingertips are barely touching— just slightly brushing against each other. Between the two hands lies a pair of wired earphones, its cords loosely tangled and dividing towards the two edges of the canvas. 

The background of the painting is a familiar living room. On top of a brown coffee table is a weird mix of items: a steaming bowl of ramen, a plate filled with chocolate-covered strawberries, a few cookies scattered around, and a blue silk scrunchie. 

Yeonjun feels a pang of longing, remembering the moment perfectly, as he gazes at the painting. The subtle touch that speaks volumes, the items that symbolizes his silent declarations of love, and how Beomgyu explains the meaning of the painting while staring at him. 

“Some would find contentment in the grandest things, some would find in the feeling of peacefulness and security. I find contentment within the space of home, listening to music with wired earphones, food, and the subtle things that one does to show love.” 

After wrapping up the filming, one of the staff members usually in charge of taking their photos calls them out to pose in front of their painting. They quickly assemble into a loosely knit formation to showcase bits of the painting. 

The photographer adjusts her lens, assessing the composition. “Yeonjun, can you move a bit closer to Beomgyu?” the photographer requests, her tone cheerful and oblivious to the undercurrents in the group. 

Yeonjun’s heart skips a beat, a flush creeping up his neck. He nods, trying to appear cool and casual as he shifts closer to Beomgyu. The proximity made his pulse quicken, his thoughts a tangled mess of hope and longing. Summoning his courage, Yeonjun loosely drapes an arm around Beomgyu’s shoulder. The touch sends a jolt through him, a mix of thrill and anxiety. He could feel the warmth of Beomgyu’s skin through the thin fabric of his shirt, the closeness both exhilarating and agonizing. 

He is holding Beomgyu. Now. He’s doing it right now. Greed creeps into him, starting from where he’s in contact with Beomgyu. He wants, and wants, and still wants more. Wanting to pull Beomgyu into a secluded corner. Bury his face into the junction of Beomgyu’s neck and shoulder. Wrap his arms around Beomgyu’s waist. Want to make up for the days that they weren’t speaking. Wanting to tell Beomgyu, all of it is real. 

“Perfect, just hold that pose,” the photographer says, raising their camera to their eyes. 

Yeonjun’s start is racing in his chest, his hands feel sweaty and hopes that Beomgyu wouldn’t feel it in his shoulder. He focuses on keeping a smile on his face, hoping it doesn’t look weird or strained. The photographer keeps on snapping pictures, making slight adjustments, while Yeonjun is holding himself back.

“Okay, got it! Thanks, everyone,” the photographer finally announces, lowering their camera with a satisfied nod. 

At that, all five of them scurry to the dressing rooms to change out of their outfits and into their casual clothes so that they can finally go home. While reaching for his bag, he accidentally knocks over Beomgyu’s iced tea. The plastic cup tumbled to the ground, spilling its contents across the tiled floor. 

“Oh, crap! Beomgyu, I’m so sorry,” Yeonjun stammers, his face flushing with embarrassment. 

Beomgyu glances down at the spilled drink, then back up at Yeonjun with a small, understanding smile. “It’s okay, hyung. It’s just iced tea. You can buy me one tomorrow.” 

Yeonjun’s stomach churns with guilt, not just for the drink, but for everything that has happened between them. He hesitates, wringing his hands together nervously before taking a deep breath.

“No, Beomgyu. I—” Yeonjun deeply inhales. He tries to channel his confidence. “I’m sorry for that night. For hurting you. For all the things I said. I don’t mean any of it, but I still said it. I wish I could take it all back. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten mad.”

Familiar pain flashes in Beomgyu’s eyes. Almost same as the one from that night, but duller. Maybe, it’s because Beomgyu also healed during the time they spent separated. And that is good. Yeonjun never wished to hurt Beomgyu. Maybe, it’s because Beomgyu had already moved on from him because of what happened. And that is good, Yeonjun swallows bitterly. 

Beomgyu’s expression softens, and he takes a step back, putting a small space between him and Yeonjun. Just a small space really, but the cracks in yeonjun’s heart gets bigger. 

“You hurt  me, hyung.” 

Yeonjun squeezes his eyes shut, his fingernails digging into his palms. “I know. I’m sorry. I can’t put into words how sorry I am, but let me make it up to you.” 

Beomgyu nods, his eyes warm and sincere. “You don’t have to, hyung. Let’s just put it behind us, yeah?” 

They stand there for a moment, the awareness slowly melting away. Beomgyu places a reassuring hand on Yeonjun’s shoulder, squeezing it before letting go. “Come on, let’s finish.” 

As they gather the last of their things, Yeonjun couldn’t help but feel a renewed sense of hope. The tension had eased, and though his feelings for Beomgyu remains complicated, at least their friendship is somewhat back on solid ground. And for now, that is enough.

“Yeonjun hyung?” Soobin calls out from the living room. 

“Hmm?” 

“Can you get the controller in Beomgyu’s room? I can’t get mine to connect to the television.” 

“Okay,” Yeonjun says, already walking towards Beomgyu’s room. He opens the door, not knowing what to expect as it is the first time he’ll be seeing Beomgyu’s room after moving to a new dorm.

Everything screams Beomgyu. It is cozy yet it is an eclectic mix of his personal interests and hobbies. The walls are adorned with photographs capturing cherished memories with his friends and family. Some are pinned up haphazardly on the walls, while others are carefully framed. 

A sleek, red electric guitar rests on a stand in one corder, next to a modest collection of vinyl records displayed on a small wooden shelf. The records range from classic rock to indie bands and some of his favorite IU releases. The turntable he won from ToDo sits on top of the shelf. 

Near the window, a desk hosts a high-end gaming PC, complete with dual monitors, a mechanical keyboard, and a gaming mouse. The setup is neatly organized, with cables managed efficiently. A pair of noise-canceling headphones hangs on a hook attached to the side of the desk. 

Above the desk, several prints of Beomgyu’s pictures from debut to the latest comeback hang in frames. The camera that Beomgyu recently bought is delicately displayed on a floating shelf, next to a pile of magazines. 

The bed is made, and Yeonjun can see hand drawn teddy bears printed on his bedsheets and what could be the world’s fluffiest brown  blanket. A fish bowl of different colored guitar pics rests on the nightstand, next to Beomgyu’s writing notebooks. Beomgyu’s well-loved and famous acoustic guitar leans against the wall, beside the bed, within easy reach for late-night strumming. 

The room’s lighting is soft and warm, provided by a combination of fairy lights draped along the headboard and a floor lamp. 

The floor is mostly clear, save for Sokuri who sits beside Beomgyu’s bed. 

His desk is littered with notebooks.

His eyes drift to the corner where Beomgyu’s wooden dresser stands. 

His heart stops. 

On top of the wooden dresser sits a collection of snow globes and assorted knick-knacks, seeming arranged haphazardly. Amongst these items, partially obscured and hidden in plain sight, is a modest picture frame. The frame itself is unremarkable, simple and unadorned, blending seamlessly with its surroundings. If Yeonjun were anyone else, looking around fast enough, he would’ve missed it. But, he is Yeonjun. He would be the last person, along with Beomgyu, to miss that picture frame, not when the photograph in it tells so much story. Especially, not when he has the exact same photograph tucked away in his wallet. 

In the photo, two distinct figures could be seen— more like shadows, barely showing definite features of the two people in the picture. One figure had their lips gently pressed against the other’s temple, a tender and intimate gesture captured in the right moment. The recipient of the kiss is smiling, a serene and genuine expression that seems to light up the entire image. 

It is a candid moment captured by a passerby, when Yeonjun and Beomgyu took advantage of the downtime in between their photoshoots. The passerby had caught the exact moment that Yeonjun had leaned in to kiss Beomgyu’s temple, making him smile. I saw the moment the two of you are sharing and thought that you might want to have a remembrance, they said. Yeonjun saw the picture and asked for them to AirDrop him a copy. The next vacant spot in his schedule, Yeonjun had the picture printed out, one for him and one for Beomgyu. 

Yeonjun reaches out and gently picks up the frame, his fingers trembling slightly. The familiarity of the scene, coupled with the knowledge that Beomgyu also kept this photo close, filled him with a mix of nostalgia and longing. Does he look at this picture and wonder? Just like how I do?  Holding the picture, Yeonjun feels a warmth spread through him, a reminder of the deep bond they share. 

While Beomgyu had told him of his feelings during their fight, seeing the photo in Beomgyu’s room, hidden but treasured, seems like an unspoken acknowledgement of what they had. 

As he carefully places the frame back in its spot, Yeonjun couldn’t help but smile softly. 

It is time to talk to Beomgyu. 

Taking a deep breath, Yeonjun pushes the door and steps inside Beomgyu’s studio. It is one of Beomgyu’s precious spaces, one that he worked hard to earn. Yeonjun can remember how Beomgyu worked endlessly, submitting tracks, lyrics, and compositions to the company to back his application. When it is granted, they all throw a small party to celebrate. And, Beomgyu being so used to sharing his love for the members, opened it to all of them, instantly making the studio a hotspot for the group. 

Soobin practices his scripts for Music Bank, Taehyun writes lyrics, Kai plays all the instruments he wants. Yeonjun would rest there, finding comfort in Beomgyu’s place in between his schedules. Everyone does their own stuff there, but, at the end of the day, it’s Beomgyu’s. 

It is Yeonjun’s first time seeing the studio in a while. It seems like Beomgyu did a little renovation— some of the things familiar to Yeonjun and some things are new. When Beomgyu first got the studio, it was bare; just a small desk with a computer, a microphone, and a simple office chair. 

Now, in the corner of the room, a brown sofa stands out against the muted tones of the studio. It is accompanied by a low, rectangular coffee table made of polished wood with a glass top that reflects the subtle lighting. On the table, there are a few scattered items: a pile of notebooks, along with a couple of coasters, a few pens, and a coffee mug emblazoned with Beomgyu’s famous teddy bear drawing that he uses for his covers.

He pulls and sits on Beomgyu’s rolling chair, smiling fondly as he remembers how Beomgyu is bragging about buying the chair. He said it is a worthy investment, and even going as far as sending the link to their team groupchat with the protocol team. 

As he lets his eyes wander  through the room, the door behind him creaks open. He turns to see Beomgyu standing in the doorway, a look of surprise etched across his face. 

“Yeonjun hyung? What are you doing here?” Beomgyu asks, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. 

Yeonjun stands up abruptly, his foot getting caught into one of the wheels of the chair. He feels his cheeks warm a little in embarrassment. He clears his throat, his mouth suddenly dry. “I need to talk to you,” he begins, trying to steady his voice. “We should’ve talked about it when I came back, but I got scared. Then, our schedules happened.” Yeonjun takes a deep breath, steeling himself. “We need to talk about us, Beomgyu-yah.” 

Beomgyu’s eyes widen briefly before he nods, his expression guarded. “Okay, hyung.” 

Yeonjun sits down on the sofa, watching Beomgyu do the same on his chair. Both of their bodies tense and guarded as they wait for the other to start. 

He takes initiative to start speaking, “That night shouldn’t have happened.” Seeing Beomgyu’s fingers dig into his thighs, he clarifies his statement. “It shouldn’t have happened that way.” 

He lets his words hang in the air in between them, before opening up himself, vulnerable and unrestricted for Beomgyu.  “I had a plan. I made it just earlier that day, of how I would slowly let you know my feelings, of how I would confess, of how I would court you.” He chuckles self-deprecatingly, continuing, “But I saw you with Hyunjin. I got jealous and irrational. I had to move. I had to tell you before I was too late. The plan got completely thrown out of the window, then you know what happened next.” 

Yeonjun wishes for a different outcome from the last time he had confessed his feelings. That this time wouldn’t end in a fight that would send one of them hiding in their family’s home for a week and the other making the company building their temporary home. That this time would end right. Hopefully.

Beomgyu sighs, running a hand through his hair. “About that fight… It was stupid.”

Yeonjun nods in agreement. “It was.” 

“But I think that it is in due time that it happened.”

Yeonjun’s breath hitched, the sound carrying across the studio as the weight of Beomgyu’s words started sinking in. 

“The fight forced us to be honest about what we were really feeling.” Beomgyu’s gaze drops into his hands on his laps, opening and closing it a couple of times, like he is trying to control his emotions and ground himself. “After it, I did a lot of thinking about myself, now and back then. And I only have memories of myself around you. All the precious memories I have, you are always, somehow, there. Then, I started wondering about myself, on my own. I think it’s what I was looking for back then. To know who I can be. To discover what I want. To learn what I am capable of.” Beomgyu purses his lips. “And I have to do all of that, without relying on you or following you.” 

Yeonjun’s heart sinks. “Beomgyu, I never meant to hinder you—” 

“I know,” Beomgyu replies quickly. “It’s not your fault. It’s just how I have been before. I created this thinking that I will always be content to be by your side, supporting you, achieving your dreams with you. As time passes by, all those things are just enough for me.” 

Yeonjun feels a mixture of emotions— hurt, confusion, but also a deep understanding. “And, now you want to grow on your own.” 

Beomgyu nods, his eyes earnest. “I have been working on it. For a while now. And I think I have all the answers I need.” 

Yeonjun takes a deep breath, processing Beomgyu’s words. His mind runs down the timeline he had pieced together after the fight, when Beomgyu started pulling away from him and how he said that he had made peace years ago. His heart is torn between thudding painfully and breaking apart. “I get it, Beomgyu. It is hard to hear that you have been feeling that way because of me, but I want you to be happy and for you to grow who you really are. Even if— even if that would mean that I have to give you space to do that, I’ll support you.” 

Beomgyu shakes his head in alarm. “No, hyung. No need to give me space. I know firsthand how it’s not helpful to distance myself from you.” 

“Can I confess my feelings, properly, this time?” 

Beomgyu looks at him, eyes widening in surprise. “You don’t have to—” 

“I want to,” Yeonjun interrupts, his voice steady with determination. He will make everything right. He wants to give Beomgyu a proper confession, not something blurted out of jealousy nor something that will end up in a fight. It is what they both deserve, especially Beomgyu. He stands up and makes his way in front of Beomgyu. 

“Beomgyu-yah, I like you.” 

I finally said it. 

“I’m sorry it took so long for your idiot hyung to realize how much he likes you, but I do— I do like you. More than just a friend and a dongsaeng. And I would like to express these feelings more than I would with my other friends and dongsaengs because you are special to me, Beomgyu. So, so, very special.”

Yeonjun feels his 

“If you still want to, let’s give us a try. You and me.” 

For a moment, there is just silence. His words linger in the air, full of his emotions, conveying the sincerity of his heart. Then, Beomgyu reaches out, taking Yeonjun’s hand on his own. The warmth of touch sends a jolt of reassurance through Yeonjun. Next thing he knows, Yeonjun is pulled into a tight hug. He can feel Beomgyu’s body trembling slightly, and when he pulls back just enough to look at Beomgyu’s face, he sees tears glistening in his eyes. 

“Beomgyu…”

Beomgyu smiles through his tears, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m just so happy,” he says, his voice breaking. “To hear you say that you like me— I only allowed myself to imagine that scenario once, and for it to become real— I didn’t know if you’d ever feel the same way.” 

Yeonjun feels tears prickling his own eyes as he hugs Beomgyu tighter. “I’m here now,” he whispers, his lips kissing Beomgyu’s temple, like the one in the photo they both keep. “We’re on the same page now. And, hyung will not let you feel alone in this, not anymore, Beomgyu-yah.” And, to remind Beomgyu, “I like you, Beomgyu-yah.” 

“I like you too, Yeonjun hyung,” Beomgyu whispers against his shoulders. 

They stay like that for a long moment, wrapped in each other’s embrace, taking their time to bask in the feeling. 

This is real. 

As they finally pull apart, they start their long overdue talk.

“After the promotions,” Beomgyu states. 

“After the promotions,” Yeonjun echoes with little understanding. The two of them are still at Beomgyu’s studio. Now, they are both sitting on the couch, side by side, holding each other’s hand. 

“Let’s give ourselves time to evaluate everything.” 

Yeonjun nods. 

“Everything is— this is just so delicate , hyung. And I want us to think about it very carefully,” Beomgyu explains, his eyes tracking every tiny movement Yeonjun makes. “Going through this, we’re putting everything on the line— our career, our group, our relationship. ” 

“Beomgyu,” Yeonjun softly cuts in. “When I told you my feelings, it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. I’ve been thinking about it for the past year. It took me months to realize what I feel for you, and it took me a few weeks more to understand it before I acted on it.”

“I know,” Beomgyu says abruptly, before repeating softly. “I know that, hyung. But I want us to take a minute to consider what would happen if we— if we ever become a couple.

“And if we ever push through with this, I want us to start our relationship on a time when we are not rushing from the practice room to the makeup stage to the stage.” 

Yeonjun’s eyes soften, all the tension he feels bleeds out of him. Our relationship, Beomgyu’s voice repeats in his mind. 

“After the promotions,” Beomgyu repeats with finality. “And that’s in June.” 

“So, June.” 

“June.” 

June comes and goes. 

The talk that Beomgyu and Yeonjun had is simple. They would take everything slow. Slowly but surely, a phrase that Beomgyu learned from his variety show and has been using it religiously. It is also a phrase that Yeonjun has on repeat in his brain for the next few weeks. 

There is no label for what they are— yet. They both wanted to keep what they have to themselves, at least for a while. The shift in their relationship needs to happen between the both of them, and as much as they both want to scream it to the world, they have to figure it out and protect the fragility of what they have. 

Slowly but surely, as Beomgyu has phrased.

The relationship that they are building, even in its infancy,  has already taught Yeonjun so much. 

There are no dates encircled with red markers. There are no looming thoughts bringing him anxiety. There is no pressure to get to the next level. 

Yeonjun is happy. Beomgyu is happy. And they are both happy with each other. 

That’s all that really matters. 

So, in the next few weeks, Yeonjun learns about the different meanings of slow, all taught by Beomgyu. 

Slow means Yeonjun buying tteokbokki and bringing it to Beomgyu’s studio. With a new goal of having more of his songs included in the next album, Beomgyu has been spending more time in his studio than the dorm. Just to get more time with the younger and make sure he’s eating properly, Yeonjun took up the role of bringing him meals and snacks that they would end up sharing. It also means Yeonjun running up the stairs to the seventeenth floor artist lounge, on a night that all the elevators at their company building are in maintenance, just to get Beomgyu a box of milk because  I bit into a chili pepper, hyung accompanied by the world’s most adorable puppy eyes. 

Slow means Yeonjun bringing his entire work ecosystem — his laptop, his mouse, his headphones, his microphone, his iPad, and a bunch of notebooks — into Beomgyu’s room every night. This way, he can work on his lyrics while catching glimpses of Beomgyu screaming at his friends on his gaming computer. Seeing Beomgyu brighten up whenever Yeonjun enters his room is enough for him to smile through the pain of having his microphone drop onto his small toe. It also means accepting a tote bag — just big enough to fit all his things and a little more — that Beomgyu hands him.

Eventually, slow also means meeting Beomgyu’s friends. The very same ones that caused his jealousy for months. After talking to Beomgyu about his episodes of jealousy, they both took it upon themselves to address this problem, before it gets big enough that it will explode on their faces. Again. Also, it would be like the first pet project as something-more-than-friends. It’s cute. Or so, Beomgyu says… that Yeonjun immediately agrees after. 

First, Heeseung. 

Probably the easiest one to reach out to, seeing as they are from the same company, just on different floors. Just in Yeonjun’s luck, they have another shared schedule with Enhypen, a second season to their playground show. 

The timing is perfect. Yeonjun wonders if Beomgyu perfectly coordinated it, or if it’s a coincidence brought by their same schedule. Just finished getting his hair and makeup done, Yeonjun walks in the waiting room to see Heeseung chatting animatedly with Beomgyu. Both of them are talking about something that Yeonjun can’t hear over the small distance between the door and the couch.  

When he approaches, they stop with their conversation to greet him. 

Yeonjun smiles, his eyes darting between Heeseung and Beomgyu, checking if there is still lingering jealousy. And there is, just a small amount. Small enough that Yeonjun can easily wave away and ignore. 

 “Hey, Heeseungie, it’s been a while.” 

A stylist calls for Beomgyu to change into his outfit, leaving Yeonjun alone with Heeseung. He takes the seat that Beomgyu just vacated, shuffling a little to make himself more comfortable. A couple of awkward seconds later, no amount of shuffling can make the stiff sofa comfortable enough for him, so he just decided to go into it— headfirst. 

“I need to be honest with you about something,” Yeonjun starts, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed about what he is about to admit. “When we were preparing for our collab, back in December, I was jealous of your relationship with Beomgyu.” 

Heeseung looks surprised at his admission, so he clarifies, “Jealous? Of me and Beomgyu?” 

Yeonjun nods, feeling a bit foolish now that he is saying it out loud. “Yeah. It’s a little dumb. But I did. For a while.”

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t like Beomgyu that way.” 

Yeonjun doesn’t know how exactly he can respond to that. Should I say thank you? Should I say I know? Should I—

Probably noticing Yeonjun’s mental breakdown, Heeseung grins, a mischievous glint in his eyes that briefly reminds him of Beomgyu. “If you really want to make it up to me, you can start by promising to film a dance challenge with me for our next five comebacks.”

Yeonjun laughs, grateful that Heeseung reacted lightly. “Done. Actually, make that seven comebacks.”

Second, Hyunjae. 

When Yeonjun says that he wants to eat out, meaning he wants to eat in the restaurant in Garosu-gil, Beomgyu brightens up, rushing to say he has a bright idea, before typing fast on his phone. 

Apparently, Beomgyu’s bright idea is a double date with Hyunjae and Younghoon. 

When they arrive at the restaurant, suggested by Hyunjae, they immediately spot the couple already sitting at a cozy corner table. Hyunjae must’ve been telling a funny story as Younghoon keeps on giggling beside him. 

After his talk with Heeseung, Yeonjun thought that he could simply accomplish their little pet project. With Heeseung being in the same company and also his friend, then Hyunjin being a casual friend in one of Yeonjun’s best friend’s groups, then he remembers Hyunjae. 

Hyunjae is a sunbaenim who debuted two years before Yeonjun did. He is also two years older than Yeonjun. 

He should’ve gotten Haknyeon to put in a good word for him. Or, at least ask for advice on how to get into his good graces because it seems like Hyunjae has become one of Beomgyu’s valued hyungs. 

Beomgyu runs to his hyungs, leading Yeonjun to the table.  “Hyunjae hyung, Younghoon hyung!” he greets. 

“Wow, is this the famous Choi Yeonjun that Beomgyu keeps on talking about?” Hyunjae exclaims upon seeing him. Beomgyu immediately reddens and screams an embarrassed ‘hyung!’ while Younghoon laughs and lightly scolds Hyunjae for being noisy. “I’m just kidding. He looks so nervous that I can’t help myself.”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes and properly introduces Yeonjun. “Hyunjae hyung, Younghoon hyung, this is Yeonjun hyung. Yeonjun hyung, this is Younghoon and his incredibly whipped, downbad, annoying boyfriend who once had one kill and twenty-three deaths in one game.” 

“Yah!” 

As their evening progresses, Yeonjun finds himself easily fitting into the conversations, he answers Younghoon and Hyunjae’s questions, and playfully throws his own jokes too. At one point, they leave the restaurant to try out the waffles that Younghoon has been raving about. Both Younghoon and Beomgyu volunteer to line up and order for them, leaving Yeonjun with Hyunjae. 

Despite already spending a couple of hours talking to Hyunjae, Yeonjun still feels nervous to be left alone with him. His distress might’ve been a little obvious as Beomgyu just throws him a wink before walking away. 

 “Hey, I’ve got something for you,” Hyunjae randomly says. 

“Oh? What’s that, hyung?” 

Hyunjae pulls out a small, neatly folded piece of paper and hands it to Yeonjun. He watches as Yeonjun carefully opens it, revealing a list of names followed by five white stars. “It’s a list of recommended restaurants around Seoul that Younghoon and I found online. Whenever we’re free, we like to go through the list, try out their food, and list down what we like. Perfect for date nights with Beomgyu. Consider it my gift for finally admitting your feelings and trying with Beomgyu.”

“Thank you so much for this, hyung, and to Younghoon hyung too,” Yeonjun says, neatly folding the paper again and placing it in his pocket for safekeeping. 

“Look, Yeonjun-ah,” Hyunjae starts, and takes a deep breath, clearly choosing his words carefully. “Being in a relationship as an idol is hard. Being an idol in a relationship with another idol is harder. But, being in a relationship with someone in the same group as you? A whole new ballgame.”

Yeonjun nods, understanding what Hyunjae is getting at. Over time, he understood why Beomgyu had suggested more time thinking about their relationship, and now, the reason why they are taking things slow.

“I will not be able to give you a step-by-step guide on how to make things work. That is something you two need to work on together. But, if I were to give you one piece of advice, on top of constant communication, learn how to separate your relationship from your work.” Hyunjae looks at where Younghoon is waiting for his crepes with Beomgyu, before turning his gaze back at Yeonjun, a little calculating. “I can see how the two of you care for each other. But, those fights are inevitable. Listen to each other and work it out.” 

“Hyung, I want to say that I would never hurt Beomgyu, but I am unsure of what the future may hold for the both of us. All I know is that I like him so much and I would do my very best to make us work.” Yeonjun exhales, deciding to be honest. “I can’t say I would never hurt Beomgyu because I already did. I didn’t know he’s hurting for years, then we fought. I would like to say that I have learned all the things I needed to know when it comes to relationships but I know I will mess up from time to time. Although, I could promise to always make it up to Beomgyu, and learn from it.”

Hyunjae studies him for a moment, before nodding, and seeming to relax a bit. “That’s good to hear. I’ve seen too many people take relationships lightly, and I know a lot of idol relationships that fell through badly. You’re a good kid, Yeonjun, from what I have heard in the past and from what I am hearing from you now. I trust that you’re good for beomgyu. I have only known Beomgyu for a short time, shorter compared to you, but I would never want to see him get hurt. Beomgyu is bright. It would be a loss to see the light in him dim.” 

“I get it. I’m glad that Beomgyu got to have a hyung like you by his side,” Yeonjun smiles gratefully.

Hyunjae smiles back at him, patting him in the back. “Now, also on your side.” 

Lastly, Hyunjin.

Before their world tour starts, Yeonjun gets invited by Changbin to his dorm, bribing him with hot cheetos bought in America. Yeonjun would have agreed to meet with his friend without the bribery, but it definitely motivated him to stop cuddling Beomgyu on the couch and leave the dorm. 

“So, how’s everything going with the tour preparations?” Changbin asks, taking a bite from the pizza that Yeonjun brought. 

Yeonjun leans back in his chair. “Intense, as usual. The company is just finalizing some logistics issues, then we’re off.” 

Changbin nods sympathetically. “I’m glad ours just finished.” 

Just then, Hyunjin walks into Changbin’s bedroom, a broad smile on his face as he spots Yeonjun. “Hey, Yeonjun hyung, just who I wanted to see.” He pulls a chair and sits down across Yeonjun. “I have something for you.” 

While Yeonjun is friends with Hyunjin, they are not close enough to be looking for each other. They are more of a nod and wave type of friends who would do some casual talk when they bump into each other. And, they are definitely not that close enough to be buying each other gifts. Curiously, he asks,  “For me? What is it?” 

Hyunjin reaches into his pocket and pulls out two tickets, handing them to Yeonjun. “These are for a midnight art exhibition that just opened. I thought you might want to take Beomgyu on a date. I heard it’s been a month since you two last went out.” 

Yeonjun looks at the tickets, feeling a mix of surprise and gratitude. “Wow, thanks Hyunjin-ah. That’s really thoughtful of you.” 

Hyunjin shrugs, waving off the compliment with a smile. “I figured you guys could use a break. Plus, it’s supposed to be a great exhibition. Lots of contemporary stuff that Beomgyu likes.” 

Changbin looks over at the tickets that Yeonjun is holding. “Sounds like a perfect idea. You should definitely go.” 

Later that evening, Yeonjun returns back to the dorm, he finds Beomgyu in the living room, going over the script for the concert. Yeonjun walks over, tickets in hand, and sits down beside him. 

“Hey, guess what?” 

Yeonjun holds up the tickets. “How about we take a break tonight and go to this art exhibition? Courtesy of Hyunjin.” 

Beomgyu’s eyes light up with surprise and excitement. “Really? That sounds amazing!” 

And it really is amazing. The art exhibition is held in a sleek, modern hall with pristine white walls serving as the perfect backdrop for the artworks that adorned them. Track lighting runs along the ceiling, illuminating each piece with a focused beam, casting perfect shadows that added depth and dimension. The atmosphere is a blend of quiet admiration and hushed conversations, as viewers move from one piece to another, 

Beomgyu’s eyes sparkles with excitement as he points out various artworks, sharing his thoughts and interpretations which vary from really in-depth ones with color analysis and brush strokes to simple wow. Yeonjun listens attentively, enjoying how Beomgyu is practically bursting with passion. 

“What do you think about this one?” Beomgyu asks when they stopped in front of a large artwork made with chalk and black background, 

Yeonjun surveys it for a minute, trying to make sense of what the artist is trying to convey. “I’m not really sure about what it means, but I like how unrealistic the drawing is. Like the placement of the chair in the middle of the door and how there’s a random lightbulb on the other side. But then, there’s a line striking through the canvas, so maybe the artist wants to show how the realistic world has an opposite unrealistic world?” 

Beomgyu nods at Yeonjun’s comment, his gaze shifting from the artwork to Yeonjun, leaning closer to whisper, “I actually don’t know what the artist wants to convey with that, but let’s go with your interpretation.” 

Yeonjun laughs loudly at that, gaining glares from around the room and a couple of shush. 

As the evening draws to a close, they drive to the park. Yeonjun mentally thanks his past self for borrowing their company car instead of asking their manager to drive them. He opens both of their windows and turns off the engine, letting the peacefulness of the park envelop them. 

Against all the voices screaming slow, slow, slow in Yeonjun’s mind, he unlocks his phone, opens a file and hands it over to Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu accepts the phone, looking at the blank screen with a play button in the middle. “What is this?”

“Listen to it,” Yeonjun encourages, but his voice has an evident tinged of nervousness. 

Beomgyu presses play, letting Yeonjun’s raw and unpolished voice fill the car. Yeonjun watches emotions flit through Beomgyu’s face, confusion, recognition, surprise, awe. It’s a song that Yeonjun had written, pouring his heart and soul into every lyric and melody. It’s a confession of his feelings, wrapped in Beomgyu’s favorite medium — music. 

Beomgyu’s eyes are fixed on the phone until the song ends, leaving a heavy silence. Then, Beomgyu opens the door to Yeonjun’s car, swinging his legs to get out. He quickly fumbles with the seatbelt, clicking it once and twice, before he successfully unbuckles himself then steps out of the car, shutting the door forcefully behind himself. He leaves Yeonjun’s phone behind, the music file still open, almost mocking Yeonjun.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Yeonjun says to himself, hitting the steering wheel in front of him. “I’m so dumb. I’m so dumb.”

Yeonjun quickly follows Beomgyu out of the car. A string of apologies ready to spill from his mouth, when Beomgyu reaches his side of the car, and—

Yeonjun stands there, his eyes wide in surprise and his arms dangling on his sides. His body, although still lagging in the state of surprise, catches on a little before his brain does. He wraps his arms around Beomgyu’s waist to tug him closer, and his lips finally kissing him back.

Beomgyu slightly pulls away just enough to let the both of them breathe, but still close enough that their lips are still touching. “How can I like this so much?” Beomgyu voices out. Yeonjun is about to answer when Beomgyu presses in for another kiss. 

The kiss is still led by Beomgyu and a little slower from the first one. His mind can finally process the soft lips against his, the fingers running through the back of his head, and the warmth of Beomgyu’s body against his. Slow fire spreads through his veins, starting from his lips and it spreads and spreads until it reaches the tips of Yeonjun’s toes. 

Yeonjun pulls away, making Beomgyu chase after him. “I like you so so so much,” Yeonjun whispers, and he’s now the one pulling Beomgyu for a kiss. This time, the kiss is not sweet and slow like the one when Beomgyu is leading. It is more intense. The fire in Yeonjun’s body burns, making him kiss Beomgyu more eagerly and more deeply. Ever since June, he’s been thinking of this. He’s been having dreams of pulling Beomgyu into a kiss. And he has been holding himself back because they have been keeping things slow. And now, Yeonjun can feel 

Yeonjun takes control of the kiss, switching their position. Without breaking the kiss, he pushes Beomgyu with his hips until his back is flat against the car. 

“I like you,” Yeonjun says, punctuating each word with a soft press of his lips on Beomgyu’s left cheek, then on his right cheek, and lastly, on his forehead. 

“I know. I like you too, Yeonjun hyung,” Beomgyu replies, giving Yeonjun a firm kiss on his lips. He looks up at Yeonjun’s head before letting out a round of laughter that made Yeonjun look confused. 

“What?” 

Beomgyu could only let out a wheeze and pointed at Yeonjun’s now messy hair that is pointing in every direction possible. “You look like Odi.” 

Yeonjun uses his free hand to brush back his hair — trying to make it a little presentable. It is a little hard to do with no mirror and just using one hand because the other is still holding Beomgyu tightly.  Somehow, Beomgyu sobers up. His eyes follow Yeonjun’s hand in a trance. 

“What?” Yeonjun asks, suddenly self-conscious. He makes a move to take his hand off his hair, but Beomgyu grabs his wrist with one hand and the back of Yeonjun’s head with the other, pulling him to another kiss.

They share more kisses under the faintly visible stars and moon above them. The sight of Beomgyu walking beside him and holding his hand is enough to brighten everything around Yeonjun. They silently walk through the cold breeze of the midnight air.

Yeonjun prepares his question, taking his time to formulate it carefully, wishing it won’t break the atmosphere they currently have.

“Did the…kiss back then scare you?”

Beomgyu, knowing what Yeonjun meant, contemplates for a second before answering truthfully, “A little bit.” 

Yeonjun lets out the breath that he’s been holding, nodding silently. 

Beomgyu glances up at the sky, and then down at the pavement, squeezing Yeonjun’s hand. “It’s just— Hyung, I was afraid. I told you how I didn’t expect you to return my feelings. And everything happened so fast. It’s been a while since we last saw each other, and I just got home, and then you were mad about me staying out late, and then you were confessing your feelings, then you pulled me into a kiss. I’ve been wishing for it, but all of it happening so suddenly scared me.” 

Yeonjun stops walking, gently turning Beomgyu towards him. “Hey,” he tries to get Beomgyu to look at him, trying to meet his eyes. “Look at me? Please?”

Beomgyu does, and his big eyes are boring into Yeonjun’s nervously, almost as if he’s afraid of what he’s seeing. So, Yeonjun smiles, reassuringly, while caressing Beomgyu’s cheek with his thumb. 

“What are you so scared of?”

“You.”

“Me? Beomie, I’d never—“

“I know,” Beomgyu interrupts him. “I know you’d never hurt me, not on purpose— never on purpose. Recent events withstanding. But, hyung, you’re so you . It’s hard to explain,” Beomgyu shakes his head. “You’d never understand, hyung.”

“You’re right. I probably would never understand what you felt back then, but help me understand, please,” Yeonjun pleads, like the idea of hurting Beomgyu — intentional or not — physically pains him. And it does. The clench on his heart is enough to make Yeonjun remember the pain he felt back in his parent’s house. “Beomie, please.” 

Beomgyu shakes his head. “That was in the past, hyung. It was wrong for me to bring it up and hang it over you, like it’s your fault that I’ve been liking you all these years. I want us to move on from that fight.” 

Yeonjun relents. He wants them to move on from the fight too. “At least tell me what you meant when you said you made your peace?”

Beomgyu reached up to take Yeonjun’s hands in his, bringing them down and off his face. He held onto them, staring at their joined hands as he searched for the right words.“Hyung, you always felt out of my league. The moment that I met you, you were already at the top. The star, even if we are only in a small, basement practice room. It was a miracle that I, a mere newbie with no formal training, was placed in the same lineup as you.” Beomgyu shushes Yeonjun when he notices his mouth opening to interrupt. “Then we debuted. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, it would place us in the same ground. And just like how it was back in the practice room, you shined and soared. I loved seeing you achieve things that you dreamed of, so I promised you that I will do my best to help you reach for your dreams. However, I learned that for me to do that, and for me to be able to continue in this path, I have to grow, too.” 

“I know, baby,” Yeonjun says, pausing in his slip of tongue that made both him and Beomgyu blush. “I know. And I will support you. This time, I’ll be the one to help you reach for your dreams.” 

Beomgyu gently shakes his head. “No. I want us to be a couple that will support each other as we grow together.” 

“Then, we’ll do that,” Yeonjun nods. “You, me, growing together. I like that.” 

Just like a perfect date in the movies, Yeonjun walks Beomgyu to his door — a mere two steps away from his own bedroom door — with a short, sweet kiss. 

“My boyfriend, Jjunie hyung,” Beomgyu giggles after the kiss. And the sound makes Yeonjun’s heart race so fast. It might become his favorite sound from Beomgyu. So, he presses another to hear it again. 

“You’re adorable,” Yeonjun teases, his lips lightly brushing against Beomgyu’s. 

“I’m not adorable,” Beomgyu says indignantly with a pout, but there is a faint shade of pink in his ears.“I’m hot. I’m handsome. I’m all that and more.” 

Yeonjun would have loved to argue more. It is their love language. Bickering. Teasing. Playfully arguing. Classic Yeonjun and Beomgyu.

Telling their members is not as hard as Yeonjun imagined. 

He expected a little shouting, a reprimand or two. A shovel talk from Soobin, stern advice from Taehyun, and Kai’s concern. They, after all, got the front row seats to the fight that they had. But, seeing their clasped hands and a matching pair of smiles, the three of them shouts in celebration. 

Kai is the first one to run, pulling the both of them in a tight hug. “I am so happy for the both of you!” 

Followed by Taehyun, just a step behind Kai, also joining the hug. “I know that the two of you will be great for each other.”

Noticing someone missing from their group hug, Yeonjun glances over at Soobin. He hasn’t moved from his spot, his expression thoughtful as he watches the scene unfold. Soobin has expressed his support to Yeonjun when he is trying to figure out what to do with his feelings, however, the situation is different as Yeonjun and Beomgyu are now a couple. Aside from that, he is the leader of the group, Yeonjun’s confidant, and also Beomgyu’s best friend, his opinion matters deeply to both of them.

Soobin finally makes up his mind, walking towards them with deliberate steps. He stops in front of Yeonjun and Beomgyu, his eyes searching their faces. “I am happy for you both,” he begins, his voice sincere but tinged with concern. “But, as your leader and your friend, I have to admit I have some worries.” 

Beomgyu nods in understanding, reaching a hand out to Soobin which he accepts with a tight squeeze. “We know, Binnie. This might complicate a lot of things, but we will handle it, together.” 

“I know that too.” Soobin looks at Beomgyu, slowly breaking into a smile. “I believe in the both of you. And like I said, I am happy for you. You both deserve to be happy.” He then turns to Yeonjun. “Take care of him, Yeonjun hyung. And, yourself too.” With that, Soobin pulls all of them into a hug, now complete with all of them. “Just know that I’m here for all of you, no matter what.”

That night, as he lays in his bed, Yeonjun is pretty sure what happened for the past twenty-four hours isn’t real — a figment of his imagination. But the parts of the day thrumming through his veins says otherwise: eyes looking at him with adoration, the press of Beomgyu’s lips against his, the whisper of “How can I like this so much?

Things really seem to be falling into place.

˗ˋˏ🦊 ♡ 🧸 ˎˊ˗

Being Beomgyu’s boyfriend — Yeonjun still giggles to himself whenever he thinks of it — as it turns out, isn’t much different from being just his friend and member. 

Beomgyu never fails to remind Yeonjun that before they are boyfriends, they are friends and groupmates first. But, their dynamics has been sweeter and freer than it ever was. 

The jokes, the teasing, the pranks never stopped. Not that Yeonjun expected it to. 

On top of their usual dynamics, there are the sweeter parts that they kept to themselves, sometimes sharing bits and pieces to the people around them and their fans. 

The never-ending song recommendations that started with Yeonjun’s curiosity about vinyls. The sudden appearance of candies in the pockets of his pants after Yeonjun almost fainted due to hypoglycemia. The increasing amount of plaid shirts in his bedroom since Beomgyu have started staying there after their schedules, saying he’s too tired to walk to his bedroom — which is right in front of Yeonjun’s bedroom. It is like Beomgyu has made it his personal mission to remind Yeonjun of his love and presence in every aspect of his day.

Alongside Beomgyu’s quiet declaration of love, Yeonjun learned how to become love braver.

He used to hide his declarations of love under the concern of a hyung, a friend, and a groupmate. Now, Yeonjun feels safe to take care of Beomgyu with a little less subtlety and with a whole lot of confidence. 

Yeonjun rekindles his love for cooking. He used to cook for his younger members back when they were trainees until their rookie years, before their schedules became so tight that they had to resort to having food delivered or grabbing bites at a restaurant they stumbled upon. Then, Taehyun learned how to cook proper meals, Yeonjun had naturally taken a step back from the kitchen.

Recently, Yeonjun was casted to appear for a couple of episodes in a variety show about cooking. There, he learned different dishes that he tried to recreate in the kitchen at their dorms. Yeonjun learnt different dishes — the ones that Beomgyu said he liked from his childhood, the ones that they both liked from the list of restaurants they ate at, and the ones that Beomgyu randomly craves in the middle of the night. As a result, dinner dates under the warm glow of their kitchen light have become more frequent. So do the grocery dates, which is Yeonjun’s favorite.

One night, underneath the glow-in-the-dark stars of Beomgyu’s ceilings, Yeonjun blurts out, “I think I want to enroll in a cooking class.” 

Beomgyu’s hands stills on his hair. Yeonjun has his head on his lap, 

“I should really have a hobby outside of being an idol, you know. And I think I really like cooking,” Yeonjun drifts. 

“You don’t have to look for a hobby just because you think you should, hyung.” Beomgyu says, in the gentlest tone. 

“I know that,” Yeonjun says, rolling his eyes. “But I think it would be good for me to have something outside of being an idol. You have your painting, Taehyun has his gym life, Kai has boxing, and Soobin takes care of Odi. I want something for myself too.” 

“And you’re making cooking as your thing?” 

“Yes.” Yeonjun nods excitedly as he starts to share his plans with Beomgyu. “I’ve been looking around for cooking classes already. I’ll send you my list later. Then, I need you to come with me to check them out.”

“That’s exciting,” Beomgyu says, his tone matching the excitement in Yeonjun’s voice. 

“I know. And if I get to be really good, I heard I can apply for a cooking license. But I have to attend additional classes because it also has a written test session on top of the practical test.” 

“And I’ll be the handsome boyfriend who will pick you up after class,” Beomgyu jokes. 

Yeonjun feels his chest tighten with an absurd amount of love and affection and tenderness. Beomgyu is so adorable. “Are you going to wait for me while leaning cooly against a car?” 

“I have to ask the car owner for permission first,” Beomgyu says solemnly. 

Yeonjun flicks at Beomgyu’s forehead, before scolding him. “Yah, when are you getting your driver’s license?” 

“Why should I when I have my boyfriend who can drive me around?” 

Yeonjun stares at Beomgyu, his eyes and mouth open wide. One thing he discovered about being in a relationship with Beomgyu is that he just knows how to make Yeonjun blush and then giggle into his pillow before he sleeps. To make things even, he launches a tickle attack on Beomgyu who starts laughing and squirming away from him. 

Finishing his cooking classes for the day, Yeonjun steps out of the building, the cool evening air is a refreshing contrast to the warmth of the kitchen. He carries a tupperware of his most recent creation, a smile of satisfaction on his face. As he descends the steps, he spots a familiar figure leaning against a sleek, black car in the parking lot. Beomgyu is there, casually propped against the car with his arms crossed, a broad smile spreading across his face as soon as he sees Yeonjun. 

“Beomgyu?” 

Beomgyu straightens up, a broad smile spreading across his face. “Hey, hyung! How is class?” 

“It was great. I have a tupperware of perfectly cooked braised short ribs for dinner,” Yeonjun says, showing the tupperware he is holding. Then, he looks at the car that Beomgyu is leaning on. “Did you ask the owner for permission to lean against his car? I have to admit, you look really cool and handsome doing that. Like a manhwa character. Actually, can you do it again so that I can take a picture of you?” 

“Well, the owner says that I can lean on the car all I want. In fact, he even said that I should take my hard working boyfriend for a drive.”

“Huh?” Yeonjun looks at him confused. “Do we know the owner?”

“Yup.”

“Is this your dad’s car?” 

“No.” Beomgyu giggles at the increasing confusion on Yeonjun’s face. “Want to know who the owner is?” 

Yeonjun nods, and Beomgyu motions for him to come closer, so he leans in until Beomgyu’s lips touch his ear. 

“Choi Beomgyu.” 

“Huh?” 

“I’m the owner of the car. This is mine. I got my license a month ago and then, I finally got permission to buy a car from the company last week, so I bought this one this afternoon,” Beomgyu narrates as he lightly taps the hood of the car. “And I want you to be the first one to see it. My first passenger too.” 

“Huh?” 

Beomgyu laughs and opens the car door for him. “Want to go for a ride?” 

Still confused, Yeonjun gets in the car, settling into the passenger seat, and adjusting the seat belt as Beomgyu closes his door and walks around the car to the driver seat. He watches intently as Beomgyu starts the engine, a smooth hum filling the car, and places his hand on the steering wheel. Right before he is about to shift into drive, he reaches over and takes Yeonjun’s hands and gives it a couple of squeeze. 

“Ready?” 

“Ready,” 

Then, they drive off. 

Before, he used to wonder countless what ifs. Now, he dreams of an endless future with Beomgyu.