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Christmas holidays are, objectively speaking, a lovely time.
The streets get embellished by colorful decorations, a Christmas market selling warm dishes and shiny objects settles on the main city square from the 1st of December to mid-January, supermarkets display an array of festive products, traditional santon figurines, good food, gift ideas, tinsels, plastic decorations... It's always nice to enter December and witness how the heartfelt ambiance slowly but surely invades the collective mind.
Edward smiled.
As a child in his birth town in the countryside, he never celebrated Christmas but he loved this period of the year because the open-air markets were easier to steal food at. As a teen in Gotham, he enjoyed it because it was more adapted to obtain food supplies, medicine or clothes for free: people were willing to hand things over during that cheerful time. As a young adult in the Rogues Gallery, he discovered the joys of a Christmas atmosphere in the Iceberg Lounge with his colleagues.
Today...
Let's say this Christmas is special.
Jonathan never appreciated the holiday so they usually don't properly celebrate: last year, again, they had dinner at the Lounge and spent a heated night together once back home, but they didn't decorate their flat or anything like that. The previous year they were both incarcerated at Arkham, and two years ago they tried a disastrous double date with Harley and Pamela... that nearly ended in a fight after they drank a little too much.
They were no experts in the area.
Notwithstanding that fact, this year is different.
Today is different.
Hence... Edward was, indeed, doing something 'different': cooking this early afternoon in prevision of a cozy evening at home with the two persons he loves most in this world, even if he wouldn't (couldn't?) admit it aloud.
He addressed a bright smile to the dark-haired teenage boy who appeared at the entry of the kitchen and sent him a mildly shy look, as if he hesitated to step closer.
"Hi Jason!" He greeted him warmly. "How are you feeling?" He inquired softly, since the kid spent the previous... nearly two hours, in what Jonathan renamed his 'consultation office' for a therapy session with his dedicated half-parent for the past year half-devoted psychiatrist.
"I'm... ok."
Ok was probably an oversimplification of what was going on in his head right now, though Jason hadn't lied, he did feel slightly more stable, definitely better than an hour earlier, when he'd almost attacked Jonathan. It never stopped surprising him how patient the rogue was with him, he didn't have any reason to and on his worst days Jason couldn't help but think that it was all an elaborate ploy to further his agenda. Thankfully he was getting better at letting go of these thoughts, using the techniques Jonathan had taught him to dismantle his paranoid spirals, to rationalise instead of letting these ideas grip into his mind.
"What are you making?"
He asked softly, trying to subtly take a peek at what the other was doing.
He remembers he used to be brash, loud, unafraid to take what he wanted and say what he wanted. Now? On the good days he could talk above a whisper.
Shaking himself once more from negative thoughts he let himself be carried by the smell of Eddie's cooking, using it to anchor himself to the present as well as enjoying something nice.
"Smells good."
"Smells good and will be the best Christmas Eve dinner you'll ever taste!" Edward bragged with what he supposes passes as a reassuring smile. "At least if I win the battle against these onions. For now the snarky layered devils are determined to make me cry."
As if he was talking about a dangerous chemical product or an elaborate software, Ed described step by step the recipe he follows to cook the salmon, sweet potatoes, mushrooms and stuffed tomatoes for a probably too heavy but nonetheless festive meal. Plus the entry and the chocolate dessert he bought yesterday at the supermarket: a classy black and white Christmas log.
He might be aware he is making enough food for a regiment whilst they were just three, including Jonathan who eats extremely small quantities of a dish every time, but... he liked the idea to be cooking for his men.
His boyfriend and their... ward? Sort of?
"Wanna help?" He offered with the gentleness he shows over the past months in the boy's company.
He learned how to be patient, soft, and... caring, in his own way, for this boy.
"You can add garlic and parsley in the mushroom's saucepan, and I join the onions as soon as I win the fight against them!"
Jason nodded mutely, taking his place at Eddie's side in silence. He was surprised to find that he didn't feel uncomfortable as he helped, although minimally, with the cooking. He steered clean of any and all sharp objects, instead opting to simply pass things to Edward, mix ingredients or move things around at the other's instructions. It felt comfortable, warm... homey.
"You think he misses me?"
His question was barely a whisper, spoken so softly it might not even been there. He didn't specify which He. He didn't know if he wanted an answer either way.
It really didn't matter if they were thinking of him. He had Eddie and Jonathan; he had a warm house, food in his stomach, comfortable clothes and a funny little robotic pet. He was... happy.
Thinking about them was only going to ruin his Christmas and he'd been looking forward to it. His first Christmas away from the- away from him.
Edward stayed silent over a full minute, thinking the question through. Albeit he is a very chatty person, he noticed that sometimes, his constant babbling made the boy uncomfortable, therefore he... tried to refrain himself and he adapted, as much as possible, his line of conduct not to get his ward worked up.
"I think everyone who loved you misses you," Eddie voiced a genuine response without giving names, neither 'Batman' nor allies' as he doesn't know precisely the nature of Jason's previous bond with the Bat, Nightwing, Batgirl... and other so-called heroes he met when he was Robin.
His light green eyes riveted in the kid's equally green gaze, only of a darker, deeper shade, and a faint smile printed itself on his lips.
"I think those who cared for you, and probably still care for you, think about you for Christmas and recall joyous memories of your time with them. I am sincerely sorry I cannot share these souvenirs with you as they don't belong to me on the first place. Nevertheless, Christmas is a lovely time to share good moments in family... when you have a family. Although you likely didn't have one when you were a child, neither did Jonathan and I, you found a... substitute, I believe, with vigilantes who watched over you when you were roughly eleven to fifteen years old. You probably had a great time with them over this period of the year, and with... a bit more work, on yourself, I hope you'll be able to remember."
Despite the urge to put a hand on the kid's shoulder to show his support, Ed didn't move forward. Touches were the most sensitive ground with Jason; Jonathan could approach him at sparse occasions during therapy and... that was it. It remains a work in progress.
Echoing Edward's earlier pause, Jason took his time replying, mulling over the rogue's words. It was true that he could not remember a lot of pleasant things about his past, he was barely able to put together faces and voices. His brain carefully avoided the parental shaped silhouette in his mind, focusing instead on the picture of long red hair, mirrored in Edward's carefully kept ones. He thought of warm blue eyes, black hair and a blinding smile. He kept these flashes of memories close to his chest, afraid to lose them the moment he got distracted.
His eyes moved back to Edward, the way the older one was looking at him with a softness he wasn't sure he deserved.
The two rogues were different. They were not good by any means, had done bad- horrible things... but they had also saved him, taken him away from- him, had shown him care and understanding, patiently putting back together the fractured pieces of him. When he thought of family, he couldn't help but include the two, like separate pictures taped in his family photo, like the scribbles of a child added onto a picture book.
"I... think of them, when I can... when I remember..."
He started slowly, carefully. He usually didn't speak a lot outside of his sessions with Jonathan, even there it was something he still struggled with.
"But I... also think of you... you and Jonathan when I think of family... I..."
His brows furrowed slightly, as if trying to put together what he wanted to say yet lacking the vocabulary to do so.
"I am... happy to have this Christmas with you..."
He looked midly uncomfortable with his own admission, his face was scrunched funnily and his cheeks had a tint of red quickly crawling over his face. Rough, scarred fingers reached up to pick at the patch over his cheek, a nervous habit he'd picked during his first months while the brand healed.
The injury underneath was completely healed now, only leaving the ugly J brand over his cheek, which he carefully always kept covered under Jonathan's instructions.
Unfortunately the little habit he'd picked up hadn't left, leaving him to touch and scratch the damn thing whenever he was nervous or uncomfortable. Usually it was Jonathan who placed a hand over his, bringing it down from his face and holding it until he calmed down. But Jonathan wasn't here right now and Edward's gaze was starting to become too much for him.
"Please, leave this alone, child," Ed demanded, softly but firmly, and watched him intensely until the boy awkwardly removed his hand from the patch covering the dreadful injury on his cheek. "Thank you. Now... this dinner looks perfect enough, I think you can take a little moment off," he hinted, knowing every small bit of 'socializing process' needs to be regulated by alone time in the boy's schedule not to augment his high level of anxiety.
It's alright. They planned a pleasant evening together in a couple hours; the kid can stay put, either in the living room they decorated for the occasion or in his bedroom in the time being. If he feels like it, Ed and him will play chess over the late afternoon before fully stepping into the Christmas Eve mood.
"And Jason?" He grinned, a peculiar warmth blossoming in his chest prior the boy walked outside the kitchen. "I am happy, and proud, to spend this Christmas with you too. I'm aware my definition of the term probably doesn't mean as much as someone with a more... let's stay 'stable' situation, but... I think of you and Jonathan too, when I picture family. Never doubt we both... love to have you around."
Warmth bubbled up in his chest at Edward's words and the poor boy made sure to make himself scarce before his guardian noticed the blush quickly overtaking his features.
It was one thing to admit that he'd come to see the two rogues as a family of sort, it was completely different to hear it being reciprocated.
He startled out of his thoughts at the feeling of wetness on his face. Surprised, he reached to touch his cheek, finding that it was indeed wet. Was he... crying?
He probably looked dumb, standing there in the middle of the living room, crying silently because what? Because he- because he was loved?
He almost chocked up a sob at the thought, his brain unable to process it.
He was loved.
_____________________________
If he were a cat, Edward would purr of contentment.
They lighted the tinsel around the modest but harmoniously decorated fir in the living room (Ed painted a question mark on every bobble hung around its branches, an activity which had earned him one of Jason's rare but precious amused smiles, the closest to laughs he produced when seeing the rogue engaged with such devotion into the childish activity...), they shared amusing more or less invented Christmas anecdotes while having good food, Jonathan even tried a scientific joke of his own creation somewhere over dinner.
Things were... good? Yeah, 'good' may not be an elaborate phrasing, it sums up accurately the wholesome atmosphere.
Before dessert, all three of them ventured on the small balcony that prolongs the modern apartment's living room to watch the fireworks about to illuminate the nocturnal sky.
Gotham never passes an occasion to light fireworks, it's no surprise the Christmas night counts as one.
"Can't let you catch a cold," Jonathan introduced, a gentle smile on, when he delicately put a blanket over Jason's shoulders as the two men and the teenage boy stepped outside, despite the thin layer of snow covering the terrace and the frigid weather.
Both Jon and Ed assured earlier that if the fireworks' loud noises make him uncomfortable, they can return inside before the show is over. Anyway there is a potent risk Eddie complains against the too low temperature prior the end of the spectacle.
Jason wasn't sure how to describe how he felt. He was almost completely sure he wasn't going to cry again, having given his self imposed 'one per day' shedding of tears.
As he looked up at the night sky, huddled up in a warm blanket with the two people he currently trusted the most, he couldn't quite believe it was all real.
Some days he expects to wake back up in that abandoned wing of Arkham, tied to a chair, wishing he were dead. It seemed so far away now...
He knows this peace won't last, knows he still has a long way to go before what's been done to him stops affecting him so strongly. He still has a long way to go before he can get out of the house without the risk of having a breakdown in the middle of the street or attacking someone due to noises, smells or visual stimuli reminding him of abuse and before he stops waking up screaming, Jonathan's voice guiding him to awareness.
Fireworks started going off in the sky, lighting up the night in beautiful colors and shapes, distracting him from his thoughts.
From the corner of his eyes he saw Eddie and Jon sharing a quick kiss, before they turned their attention to him. Jonathan's hand was on his shoulder, its steading weight grounding him in the moment.
He wanted, for this one time, to let himself be weak and selfish, leaning against the man's side, resting his head on his shoulder and closing his eyes as he lets himself relax for the first time in what feels like forever, surrounded by his fucked up little family.
Eddie tried (and failed) to hide his own emotion as their boy leaned against his man. Wishing to go unnoticed, he quickly wiped the tear that escaped from his eyelashes, blamed it on the cold and shared a sweet glance with Jonathan who watched him knowingly, before putting an arm around the doctor's waist, the tallest of the three nested between the strongest, most impressive teenager he ever met and his beloved puzzle-obsessed genius.
So this is what 'Christmas as a family' feels like.
No wonder so many people across the world cherish this time of the year.
Of course Ed had to partially ruin the precious picture by a high-pitched sneeze at some point, what made Jonathan laugh and initiated an expected:
"I think that was our signal to say it's time to head back inside! Knowing Eddie, he'll be angry at us if he gets sick after tonight," he smiled at Jason on his left in a complicit manner prior ushering the little family toward the living room while the fireworks spectacle was almost over.
While Jason was initially startled by Eddie's sneeze he couldn't quite stop himself from snorting, amused by the painfully domestic scene in front of him.
He returned Jonathan's smile, easily following him back inside, feeling himself growing sleepy the moment he was surrounded once more by the warmth of their living room.
Realising that the fireworks had signified the arrival of Christmas Jason was helpless to stop the image of Jonathan or Edward dressing up as Santa and sneaking into the house to deliver presents, prompting a sleepy, tiny chuckle to leave his lips.
Christmas. He was celebrating Christmas. He was free and... happy.
Edward flashed them a toothy smirk (what made him resemble... a new specie of ginger piranha) once the three of them nested in the living room in front of the fir, a mushy romantic Christmas comedy playing on TV as a dim background noise.
"Boys, I have a request," the trickster announced with pride, holding a camera and as excited as a kiddo about to commit mischief. "I want a picture of us with our ravishingly gorgeous outfits, standing in front of our flawless Christmas tree. You're up to frame this glorious moment?"
Jonathan had to restrain a facepalm.
He should have guessed that Eddie, dressed in a homemade green pull on which purple, black and silver question marks of various shapes interlaced, insisting for Jay and him to wear equally ugly Christmas sweaters for dinner meant he would arrive at this inevitable conclusion.
And to think he accepted to suit up that cringe-looking orange and yellow thing sporting the drawing of a huge owl wearing glasses without giving it much thoughts...
"Only if that's ok with you," the doctor mentioned to Jason, unwilling to step past the kid's comfort zone while they were having such a good time.
Jason hesitated for a moment, looking up at Edward from his comfortable seat on the sofa before looking back at Jonathan. He could tell the doctor was exasperated; fond but definitely exasperated with his partner's antics. On his part Jay didn't really mind the sweater. It was candy red, decorated with candy canes running around this torso in neat little rows, alternating with white, stylised reindeers for every row in between. It wasn't personalised to the extent that Eddie's was, but he understood why the rogue had carefully avoided any theme that could have reminded him of his past life. Besides... he thought he quite liked this shade or red and Jonathan had said it looked good on him. He didn't know, he'd only seen the sweater before wearing it, still uncomfortable with meeting his own reflection in the mirror, but he trusted Jon.
Instead of answering the question he gave a nod, immediately searching for Jonathan's sleeve to grab onto for support. He was just a little nervous... last time he'd been in front of a camera- it hadn't ended well for him. He knew nothing bad was going to happen, but he felt safer knowing Jonathan was there.
Jon patiently waited for Jay to make up his mind, allowing him all the time he needed to decide whether or not he wanted to go on with this.
When the boy stood by his side, he addressed him a warm, proud smile as a parent would when their child performs an impressive achievement. Following the movement, Mulder, Jason's pet robot fox Edward built for him during summer, initially to serve as a therapy helper and whom evolved into a family member, nested at his young master's feet.
Edward was, of course, overexcited, but he managed not to move around too much when he placed himself on Jason's other side, not touching him but smiling just as fondly as Jonathan... and he looked right at the camera before counting "3... 2... 1..."
The Riddler giggled like a kid when showing off four photos of their team. Jason looked peaceful and Jon managed what passed as an amused smile on the second one. That's the reason why Ed always programs a series of photos instead of only one: his boyfriend has a tendency to close his eyes or make a weird face when they take a selfie, so he needs a few tries to get at least one right.
"This one is perfect," he cooed at the wholesome picture.
Jason carefully avoided looking at the picture, content to trust Eddie on his opinion. One day he'd be able to look at this picture and think fondly of this time. For now he could simply enjoy this, pushing aside negative thoughts to spend time with his...family.
Maybe he'll be ok after all.
"I thought Mulder could use a little companion," Edward introduced afterwards, a soft smile on, when he placed a cardboard box on the couch after inviting Jason to sit back on the cushions.
The kid has issues with 'surprises', understandable given the Joker's affinity for poisoned gifts. Therefore, spoiling what rests inside this green box is a fine alternative not to stress him further but still observe a Christmas tradition.
While a smile didn't quite make it to his lips Jason still felt warmth spreading from his chest as Eddie handed him his present. It truly spoke of how much the rogue cared that he put so much effort into making sure Jason was alright, even if it meant sacrificing some of the things he delighted in, like surprises.
As he observed the box he noticed that it had no holes, which meant this could only be one of Edward's inventions. Now properly reassured he opened the box, revealing a robotic bird. It was painted blue and black and it had a funny little shape on its head that resembled a mowhak.
"Wow... Did you model this after a real bird... it's so lifelike..."
He couldn't help the awe that slipped into his voice as he watched the bird come to life in small, fluid movements, a soft little smile pulling at his lips as the tiny robot turned to look at him.
"I did!" Edward gloated, proud of his newest invention and happy to see the boy's genuinely impressed reaction. "Its model is a Steller's Jay!" The redhead handed over to him a small notebook in which he meticulously wrote down precise instructions for the robot pet (he planned on explaining its functioning, analogous to his fox's, but in case Jason wanted to try out some of its exclusive options, he would appreciate having a guide to refer to).
The first pages of the notebook featured printed pictures of the living version of a Steller's Jay.
"I found the specie... fitting. Black and blue, gorgeous and a bird who wears your name! This little guy might have a couple more options than his wildlife counterpart, it's designed to be my smartest android so far and I registered the twitter of a hundred avian species to modulate its language. Among others. It's programmed to behave as a pet but just like for Mulder, it's also meant to protect and assist you in anything you'd need help for! It can produce weapons or communication devices and will look after you. The AI I developed for this model is a brand new, revolutionary software I work on for months, and my... most ambitious project yet."
Ed was practically fidgeting on his seat with excitement, like a child pleased to expose his achievement.
"Merry Christmas, Jaybird."
Jonathan stayed simple in the gifts he offered and spoiled afterwards: a stylish pencil case filled with pens and coloured pencils, as well as a large, thick notebook covered of elegant leather. Some pages of the high quality paper were blank to draw on, others had lines to write.
"I see you've started drawing," the doctor explained with a soft smile. "It's an excellent activity to learn how to focus your energy on a task, it's a fine distraction and from what I've seen you have the potential of a very talented artist. I thought this could be... useful. I tend to appreciate... useful gifts. Merry Christmas, kid."
He had no words to express the rolling wave of emotions that were currently wrecking havoc in his mind. It was overwhelming, the warmth in his heart seemed to build up like an incoming explosion, like his chest might just burst.
Tears bubbled in his eyes and he was powerless to stop them as they started rolling down his cheeks, growing in intensity until they developed into full blown sobbing. The kid stood there, Jonathan's gifts in his hands and bird on his shoulder as he sobbed his heart out, his body shaking with the intensity of his cries.
Slowly not to stress him further, Jonathan put a hand on his back and, when he didn't meet a negative reaction, gestured wordlessly for Edward to do the same.
"Merry Christmas..." Eddie repeated, a lump in his throat and his vision foggy as he barely suppressed his own tears.
Without squeezing or putting pressure into the movement, he joined the three-headed sweet hug on the couch, completed by the new mechanical bird and Jay's pet robot fox.
Everyone may be on the verge of a massive panic attack at present and all three may be... broken beyond repair according to some, they prove again they have faith in each other. They learn how to be happy thanks to each other.
Right here right now, they resembled pieces of a puzzle.
Assembled.
Making sense at last, once together.
Slowly, he started to come down from his emotion high, finally calming down, sobs turning into sniffles and sniffles dying off into silence. Surprising everyone, perhaps even himself, Jason pulled the two closer, making space for himself in their arms.
"Thank you... thank you for saving me..."
"Thank you, Jason," Edward replied in a heartfelt tone filled with strong emotions he wasn't quite sure how to convey, "for doing the same with us."
"I... I got you something too... for Christmas I mean."
His words were just slightly mumbled, muffled in-between the two men. He sounded embarrassed, like he'd regretted saying it the moment it left his lips.
Whereas Jonathan stayed collected, Edward's expression resembled a cartoonish expression of surprise. Neither of them expected it.
"That's very thoughtful," Jon said in his best reassuring voice. "You didn't have to get us anything, but... that's nice of you to do so."
"I wanted to.... it's not much- I don't have any money nor can I got out so I- well I made you something..."
Having said that he detached from their hug before running off to his room, leaving the other two in confused silence for a few moments before he came back, a sheet of paper in hand.
He handed Jonathan the sheet without a word, perhaps too flustered or nervous to be able to say anything.
It was a drawing, a portrait to be precise, capturing a precise moment in time: Eddie and Jonathan seemed to be asleep on their living room sofa, slumped against one another, perhaps having both fallen asleep after staying up all day working. They looked soft, etched into page with startling similarity to their real life counterparts. It was clear he'd put a lot of care into it.
"This is beautiful..." Edward watched the drawing with wonder, in awe of the piece of art. "Jason, you are so talented..."
Next time, Ed will pose if the kid wanted a model, but for now he was profundly touched the boy took the time to... portray them. He smiled so widely his cheeks hurt.
As for him Jonathan put a hand on his heart, his eyes glimmering with a pure, authentic love.
"Thank you," the psychiatrist whispered, emotion audible in his tone.
"It was nothing... I made it a while ago I... didn't even know if I was gonna show you- guess the Christmas spirit got to me..."
He gave them a small, shy smile, a little twitch of his lips as his cheeks and the tips of his ears burned red with embarrassment.
Underneath it all he was relieved they'd liked his present, Eddie's praise lighting a warm kindle of fire in his chest. He wanted to keep earning their praise, their love, if only for the warmth their smiling faces brought in him. He pulled them both into another hug, a quick thing, just an arm around each of their shoulders for barely more than a few seconds.
"Merry Christmas."
Overall it has been a wonderful, heartfelt Christmas for everyone.
They cried, they laughed, they proved they can be happy together, they strengthened their odd but sincere bond.
They found each other.
They were going to be fine.