Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

How things can change, I know. So I’m putting on aftershave, nothing is out of place. Gonna be on my way. Try to pretend it’s not only glass, concrete and stone.

Glass, Concrete & Stone by David Byrne

The air was cool out on the balcony overlooking the river. The moon was bright enough to light up the water and turn it to mercury.

Reigen watched the smoke curl up between his fingers, wondering when he’d become so wistful. One day, the fingers holding the smoke would be nicotine stained and wrinkled with age, but right now, they were haphazardly clinging to youth. He brought the cigarette to his mouth and took another lungful of smoke. He felt the faint buzz of the nicotine settle into his bones, calming the static in his brain.

It had been three years since Mob had stopped working at Spirits and Such, but without the good influence of a benevolent esper, he’d fallen back on bad habits. His on again off again relationship with cigarettes was one of the first things to come creeping back, like an annoying ex.

Like I’d know anything about that, he laughed at his own expense.

He crushed his cigarette against the railing and went back inside.

The bar was overly warm and clammy, and a sea of voices fought to be heard over one another - it was Serizawa’s personal nightmare, but he was still sat in the booth where Reigen had left him. He was already sitting up and alert, but when he spotted Reigen, he straightened further, if that was even possible. The drink in front of him, a half-pint of beer, remained untouched.

Reigen slid back into the booth and straightened his suit jacket. It was clear Serizawa could smell the smoke on him, but he was more than used to playing along with Reigen’s lies.

“Was there a queue for the bathroom?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Reigen agreed, taking a sip of his own single-shot cocktail. It had tasted like apples, but now it tasted like cigarette smoke, as did the handful of peanuts he dropped into his mouth from the dish on the bar.

Reigen tapped the table as he thought, unable to remember where they’d left off before he’d been pulled away by his traitorously nicotine addicted brain. Even though it had been well over a year since they’d worked together, Serizawa still knew his body language well.

“You were telling me how business has been?” Serizawa prompted.

“Good.” He swept his hair back out of his eyes. It was longer than ever, tickling his neck. “Yeah, it’s been good. You know, Serizawa, the thing with psychic work is it never stops rolling in.”

“Oh yeah?”

Reigen nodded ferociously. “If there’s one sure thing in life, it’s death. You know what that means?”

“Uh, no.” Serizawa said nervously.

“There’s no lack of evil spirits to exorcise. That’s job security.”

“Mm, I’ve heard some colleagues at Sato Corp mention job security before. And healthcare. But I haven’t encountered any spirits yet, just lots of spreadsheets.”

Serizawa had been working for Sato Corp since leaving Spirits and Such a year ago, but Reigen was still a little remiss on exactly what he did, though Serizawa had explained it in detail. He found it hard to listen. Whenever Serizawa mentioned Sato, Reigen felt a small pang in his chest. It was regret, or anger, or sadness, he wasn’t sure which. Perhaps it was all of the above. He’d never once considered while they were working together that Serizawa would move onto bigger and better things until he was already gone. Now, he was lost to Sato Corp.

“Spreadsheets sound boring.” Reigen said, taking another sip of his apple-smoke cocktail. He already wanted to smoke again, but getting up for the toilet twice in as many minutes would look suspicious. Even if Serizawa knew he was lying, Reigen refused to be caught.

“They can be interesting.” Serizawa said lightly. “If you find that sort of thing interesting.”

“I don’t.”

“Well, I couldn’t imagine you in a normal corporate job, Reigen.”

“Hm, I know several people who wished I had taken a normal corporate job.” He watched Serizawa trace the ring his drink had left in the table. “But who am I to deny my true talents? How could I keep them to myself in some pencil pushing desk job, when I could be out there, helping people?” He swept his arms out at the bar, encompassing the crowd of dancers, drunkards and drifters.

“Of course. You’ve helped loads of people.” Serizawa said, and considering his clear expression, he really meant it.

Reigen batted the compliment away like it meant nothing, but the starving creature inside of him clung onto it like it was the last cracker in hell.

“Anyway, how are you getting along? Mob told me you recently went in for a promotion?”

“Oh, you spoke to Shigeo? Isn’t he off to college soon?”

Reigen shrugged dismissively, “Only on the phone. He’s busy with his studies.”

Serizawa nodded. “I’m being interviewed next week for a new position. It was put forward to me by my manager…He—uh—he really thinks I could get the promotion. He said I’m one of the best on my floor.”

“Well, obviously.” Reigen said.

Serizawa’s ears went red. He took an alarmingly deep drink from his beer. “To be honest, I’ve been losing sleep over it. I’m so nervous for the interview, I can hardly concentrate on my current job. I think maybe I should pull out of the running.”

“Nonsense.”

“Eh?”

“You heard me. I think you should take the interview. I’ll bet you smash it, just like you did with your night school exams, and your interview for Sato Corp.” Reigen said sagely, “The time for doubting yourself is over, Serizawa! You’ve come a long way from the shut-in with wild facial hair I first met. You’ve earned your chance. So take it.”

If anything, Serizawa looked more nervous than before, but he couldn’t quite hide the smile pulling at his lips. He looked up at Reigen through his hair, seeming smaller than ever—some feat as Reigen was the shorter of the two by quite a fraction.

“You know, sometimes I wish you’d take your own advice.” Serizawa said.

“Huh?” He said obtrusively, not feeling like delving into deep emotions this evening, “What are you on about?”

Serizawa shook his head, but the small smile remained, “Never mind. Finish up your drink, I only booked this booth out until midnight.”

However off-hand the comment may have been, Reigen still found himself surprised at Serizawa’s assertiveness. He really had grown so much over the past few years.

And where did that leave Reigen?

Spirits and Such was quiet nowadays.

Reigen made enough noise on his own, but without anyone to talk to aside from clients, the stillness of the office freaked him out. Mob’s desk, which had become Tome’s, was empty. Serizawa’s desk had become a storage table for his recently self-published Psychic and Spiritual Self Help books. They weren’t exactly flying off of shelves.

With Mob concentrating on his studies, and the other kids spread halfway across the country in varying stages of further education, only Tome remained in near-constant contact. She still swung round most evenings after college, if only to gush about her classes, her friends, her recent contact with the otherworldly. Tome may have grown out of her middle-school uniform, but she hadn’t grown out of her obsession with all things alien. Reigen kept her on the payroll because she was surprisingly good at crunching numbers and keeping track of the books, activities he’d rather chew off his own left hand than attempt to do himself.

It was only two in the afternoon, meaning Tome wouldn’t be over for another few hours.

He stretched out his increasingly aching spine and braced his hands against the desk. He had a client who’d requested a house call later on in the afternoon. He’d just have to find something to fill his time until then.

He fiddled around with the Spirits and Such webpage for a time, updating the blog he’d been starting to keep with success stories from recent clients. He could admit, it had been hard to keep the momentum going on his psychic business without Mob or Serizawa to supplement his own severe lack of psychic powers, but he was managing. He was good at that.

His phone trilled. He answered it with embarrassing speed.

“Arataka?” The voice on the other line said sharply.

He only knew one person who used his first name as a greeting. He didn’t hide his groan of disappointment when he confirmed his suspicions with a glance at the caller ID. He didn’t feel guilty about his reaction. She was perpetually disappointed in him, and never in her life had she bothered to hide it.

“Hi Mom.” He said. None of his usual pizazz could be mustered.

“I was wondering when you’d finally pick up.”

He wrinkled his nose. He’d picked up instantaneously, but he knew his mother had pointless arguments down to an art form. He wouldn’t take the bait.

“How are you? How is Kimi?”

The receiver rattled as his mother sighed, “Your sister is fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“I’m fine. I tell you every time you call. Don’t worry about me.” He said. He stood up and walked to the window. The afternoon light was casting the office in an amber glow that made the stark space look vaguely comforting.

“Did you know it’s the anniversary of your father’s death today? Did you know that Arataka?” Her voice was taught and her words snapped together like a whip.

“Oh, yeah. I’ve got the date circled on the calendar in red marker.” His father had passed away ten years earlier rather suddenly. Despite the lapsed time since, Reigen still hadn’t decided how he felt about it. He had never had much of a relationship with his father, and had never intended to change that, but having the choice taken from him was a tough pill to swallow. They only found out afterwards what had taken his life—a sizeable brain tumour.

“I don’t appreciate you being sarcastic about this. You know how I’ve struggled without him. We’ve all found it difficult.”

Reigen relented with a deep breath. If she didn’t appreciate the sarcasm, perhaps he’d try showing some emotion instead. “It’s been hard. And I’m sorry I haven’t been there.” He tried to find a level field for their conversation to continue, “Listen, I know you haven’t always…understood what I do, but—“

“And I don’t intend to. I’d hoped when your father passed, it might spur you into some action. I’d hoped you’d find yourself something less shady to fill your time, but I bet you’re pacing that dark little office right now, hm?”

“Don’t call it that.” He said. He was occupying himself by staring at a water stain on the linoleum floor that he’d never noticed before. It stretched out in a wide ring and disappeared under his desk. “You make it sound depraved.”

“It is depraved. I don’t know how long you want to keep up this psychic business, but it’s not natural.”

“Did you call me just to rattle off this old spiel again? I’ve heard it before. I’ve made my choice.”

“I was just calling to let you know that I’m thinking of you today.” His mother said, brushing over his weak protest, “To remind you about your family. You know, if your father were still here, he’d—“

“Think real carefully about how you finish that sentence.”

“Arataka, do you think so little of me?” For a moment, his mother actually sounded regretful. “I was going to say, he’d be just as worried about you as I am.”

“I told you—I’m fine. Never better. In fact, business is booming.”

She chuckled at this, but her sharp voice made it sound like the high titter of a hyena. He often felt like he was about to be torn apart when he spoke to his mother, so that checked out.

“Let’s forget about business. I’m asking about your life. Last we talked, you had a friend working with you, someone your age. What was his name? Serizama?”

“Serizawa.”

“Oh, yes. Him. What about him?”

“He’s working for Sato Corp now. I trained him too efficiently, so he’s already up for a promotion. Putting his skills from Spirits and Such to good use, eh?” Reigen couldn’t help spilling his pride for Serizawa.

“Now, there’s a young man with a good life ahead of him.” The implication was clear.

Reigen bit back his comment about how Serizawa had only managed to achieve so much because of Reigen’s teachings, but that wasn’t true, was it? Serizawa didn’t need him—he never had. He was better than Reigen, he always had been. He was perfectly capable of success on his own.

Reigen said, “Serizawa’s done really well for himself. I couldn’t be more proud.”

“So that means you’re on your own again?”

Reigen’s mouth twisted. “In a way.”

“Your sister and her husband are trying for a baby.”

“Well, good for them.”

“I was just wondering, if it’s not Serizawa, then maybe—“

“If you’re trying to ask about my love life, the answer is no. And Serizawa was just a colleague.”

“Right.” His mother said, clear in her conviction. “Arataka, I just don’t want you to be lonely. I want you to make an effort.”

“Okay.”

“That means talking to girls. Have you ever considered a singles night? Of course, you’d have to convince someone that you have a steady job, but my Arataka could convince the leaves off a tree. You know, I really think if you gave it a chance, you could—”

“Yeah, right.” Reigen interrupted, feeling the hollow inside him widen. “Not really my scene.” He tried to imagine himself on a singles night, but the fantasy fell apart as soon as he thought of speaking to a girl seriously. His confidence could only get him so far.

“You always do this. You’re so dismissive! I’m just trying to help you.”

“That’s just it. You call it helping, but I’ve told you I’m fine on my own.” He wondered where the water stain under his desk had come from. Maybe there had been a leak at some point. “I wish you and Dad had just understood that I was happy.”

“A happy man doesn’t cut off communication with his parents.”

A laugh broke free of his chest, one that held little humour. “I wasn’t the one who cut you off.”

“Your father-“

“My father was obsessed with my achievements because he was pissed at how his own life turned out. He never accepted anything that I did. Don’t put that on me.”

His mother was silent for a moment, then the moment stretched into minutes. Reigen pulled his phone away from his face and realised his mother had hung up on him.

Good.

He snapped his phone shut and let it drop back into the pocket of his slacks.

He looked across the room, at Serizawa’s desk stacked up with stupid books that didn’t sell. He wished Serizawa was sat at his desk, waiting to absorb the rant Reigen had queued up about his mother and offer his platitudes. But he wasn’t there. He was at Sato Corp punching numbers into spreadsheets and probably getting paid more than Reigen.

With nowhere else to direct the sudden peel of anger, he grabbed the landline on Tome’s desk and threw it at the wall. He watched the phone clatter unbroken to the floor with no satisfaction, and he felt instant regret at his outburst. He wasn’t the sort to present his anger in such violent ways. He hated it.

His hands shook.

He picked up his bag and closed up the office. The next client was only a few stops along the subway, but getting there a little early couldn’t hurt. As he walked, he tapped out a cigarette and lit it with one smooth movement.

The smoke swirled into the air.

“Mr Reigen, please do come in.” An old man with less face than beard held his front door open for Reigen. “Though, you’re a little early. You’ll have to forgive the state of the house.”

“Oh trust me. I’ve seen worse.” Reigen reassured him as he kicked his shoes off. He stopped himself from making a comment about the state of Serizawa’s apartment, because Serizawa wasn’t here for context or to defend himself.

“Mr Yoshitori, is it?” Reigen said absently, pretending to scan the corridor for spirits.

“That’s correct.”

“My secretary spoke to your wife on the phone.”

“Oh, yes. Riyo said the young lady she spoke to was very helpful, if a little strange. She asked if the haunting could possibly be the work of extraterrestrial moon men.” Yoshitori continued to usher Reigen further into his home.

“Please rest assured, she is underpaid. Now, you were saying about a haunting?”

Yoshitori nodded gravely. He led them both into a modest kitchen, where a hunk of pork sat simmering into broth on the stove top. It smelled like the humble beginnings of a tonkostu, and Reigen wondered if he could feasibly delay his ‘exorcism’ until dinner was served.

“It is an old house, but one we’ve never had any problems with, up until recent years.” Yoshitori continued, “At first we could ignore the strange noises and cracks in the walls, but it’s becoming harder and harder to turn a blind eye. I don’t know what it’ll do next. I couldn’t live with myself if it hurt Riyo.”

“Of course.” Reigen said, “Beyond today, there is no need to worry about that. I will make you two promises right here, Mr Yoshitori.”

“Okay.” Yoshitori said, seeming a little starstruck.

“One: I will exorcise this evil spirit and leave you and your wife to live on in peace. Two: For today only, I will offer you my deluxe treatment package with five percent off. This is a one time deal, Mr Yoshitori. I only offer this to customers who truly need my help.” Reigen handed him one of the flyers from his bag.

“Oh!” Yoshitori remarked with polite surprise when he saw the price of Reigen’s deluxe treatment package.

“You won’t get this kind of deal anywhere else.” Reign encouraged. “Sure, you could go for the basic package today, but does that really guarantee a full exorcism of the evil spirit?”

“Well—“

“Think about Riyo. You want to make sure she’s safe, right?”

Yoshitori frowned as he mulled this over, but soon Reigen was shaking his hand and sealing the deal.

He was truly back to the work of a conman without Serizawa or Mob there to provide the actual service, which meant he rarely took jobs he thought were actual spirits. It also meant he had to fall back on some pretty sleazy tactics to ensure he got paid at the end of the day. Maybe his mother was right. It really was a shady business, but that was nothing to do with psychics.

“Excellent choice. Now, why don’t you show me to the evil spirit? I’ll begin work right away.”

Yoshitori nodded hesitantly. “Yes, of course. Please follow me.”

He was marched through a sliding door and out into a small garden. It was pretty traditional, which Reigen had expected with the Yoshitori’s age. There was an impressive looking koi pond in the centre, with an old deer scarer trickling water.

“It seems we have the most strange activity here. My wife likes to spend her time out here, but recently she’s complained of headaches when she spends too much time outside. She’s resting right now, but I’m worried that it’s getting worse.”

“Are there any other symptoms?”

“I’m not sure. Riyo has spoken of seeing shadows before, but she’s always been rather…imaginative. The only symptom I have noticed is the headaches. She seems increasingly weak because of it.”

“I see. And you think it’s a spirit?”

Yoshitori nodded, “We spent some time away from the house, and Riyo’s condition improved almost the instant we left. When we came back here, she went to feed the koi as always, and she…she collapsed.”

“It’s here?” Reigen asked without thinking. It was a question directed at an esper assistant who wasn’t present.

Yoshitori looked at him expectantly.

“Uh, yes. It’s here. I can feel it.” Reigen added. “Definitely an evil spirit here.”

In the serenity of the garden, the silence after his declaration was almost comical.

“So, do I stay, or…”

Reigen shook his head. “Best to leave it to me. Go inside and have a cup of tea. Before you’re finished, I guarantee, I’ll have exorcised this evil spirit.”

Yoshitori ambled back into the house.

Reigen was left in the garden alone.

He busied himself with exploring. That way, if Yoshitori happened to look out of one of the windows that opened into the garden, Reigen would look superficially busy.

He kneeled at the edge of the koi pond and touched the surface of the water. One of the fish bobbed up and nibbled at the end of his finger. He watched it for a moment, then withdrew. His father had kept koi. It had been years since he’d visited his childhood home, but he still remembered sitting and playing with the fish when he was a kid. The little creatures had always freaked his sister Kimi out, but he found them to be peaceful. He could lose an hour just watching them swirl beneath the clear water.

He heard a crack, like a twig snapping.

He looked around at the deer scarer. It filled with water and cracked together again.

As he walked around the rest of the garden, every few steps punctuated by the crack of the deer scarer, he wondered if there truly was a spirit or if Yoshitori’s wife was simply ill. He’d known people to blame evil spirits for a sudden degradation in health, and vice versa. He supposed it was his job to figure out the truth.

Which was hard, with as many psychic abilities as a lump of coal. In fact, he’d encountered a coal spirit before, which meant he would even lose to the coal.

He’d managed so far without Serizawa or Mob, aside from a few urgent calls for last minute exorcisms. Those usually ended in payment with ramen, or drinks. This was just the same.

“If something is out there, it’s better for the both of us if you just show yourself. It won’t be good for you if you continue to terrorise this elderly couple.” Reigen addressed the koi pond, unsure of where else to look. “It won't be good for either of us." He continued in a low voice.

The pond was decidedly silent. Just as he’d suspected.

It was most likely that the cause of Riyo’s sudden illness wasn't the work of an evil spirit, but the work of her old age catching up with her. Still, telling the Yoshitori’s to get checked up at the hospital wouldn’t bring him in any cash, something he desperately needed if he were to keep Spirits and Such afloat.

He reached inside his suit jacket pocket and pulled out a bag of salt. He hadn’t needed it for a while, but it was a reassurance as he dipped his fingers in the salt and threw a pinch into the pond. Not enough to harm the fish, but enough to feasibly harm a malignant spirit making its home there. He tossed a few more handfuls of salt around, giving it a little flourish in case Yoshitori was watching.

Once he was done, he folded the bag and returned it to his pocket. A job well done he supposed.

He was turning to leave when the crack of the deer scarer jolted through him again. The noise was different this time. It sounded less hollow, and more like it had impacted something brittle. He heard it again, and again, each time it sounder louder, and closer to breaking.

He dusted his hands of the remaining granules of salt and turned back. The deer scarer cracked together again, and Reigen saw the length of the bamboo had split up each side. He hummed his curiosity to his absent assistant.

Snap.

The bamboo scarer clattered as each piece fell away from the other and dropped to float on the surface of the pond. There was a moment of deafening silence, without the steady stream of water dripping into the pond, and then the remains of the deer scarer exploded. A plume of water spurted from the opening and drenched the garden. It spun, aiming for Reigen.

Reigen jumped back, out of the way of the sudden sputtering fountain. A few drops of water plopped onto his jacket, seeping in through the layers of fabric down to his skin. It felt supernaturally cold.

“So there’s a spirit after all, eh?” Reigen grimaced, immediately going for his phone. He knew his limit.

He punched in Mob’s number and hit dial. His fingers were numb with adrenaline, but he managed to raise his phone to his ear, dodging the wild waterworks which seemed intent on soaking him through.

He was met with Mob’s answerphone message.

Of course—he was probably at cram school at this time of day.

“Okay…scratch that. Let’s try…” Reigen had typed the first few digits of Serizawa’s number when the ground went from beneath his feet.

The plume of water, with the physicality of a giant hand, had caught him by the ankle and flung him up into the air. The freezing water numbed his bare skin. More than that, the air had been knocked out of him with the ferocity of the attack.

He heard a yelp of surprise pulled from his lungs. He tried to right himself, but the spirit’s hold on him was tight. He’d never encountered malevolent water. It would be an interesting one for his new blog, if he made it that far. He remembered his phone, still clutched in his hand.

“Come on…” He typed the rest of Serizawa’s number from memory.

The hand around his ankle loosened, and he was free-falling.

On the descent, which either took forever or went too quickly for him to register much else but the air rushing past his ears, he hit dial. He heard the dial tone start up.

It was too late.

He met the ground again, his back meeting the stone pavings that surrounded the koi pond. He had instinctively dropped his phone in favour of clamping his hands around the crown of his head. Still, the blossom of pain that started at his shoulder blades and radiated outwards had eaten up most of his coherence. The space between his shoulders stung. When he took a heaving breath in, his lungs protested with aching pain that told him he couldn’t withstand another attack.

He looked around, sluggish and stunned.

His phone had clattered to a rest, just out of arm’s reach.

And above him, looming taller and taller, was a figure made entirely out of the brackish pond water. He could even see several of the koi floating helplessly in the figure’s chest cavity. Definitely an evil spirit.

He reached into his pocket with scrabbling, panicked fingers and pulled out his bag of salt. He tossed the bag at the evil spirit with the last of his fleeting strength. He was impressed with his own throw—the bag stuck itself in the spirit’s watery face. The salt was absorbed harmlessly. The bag, now empty, floated leisurely to the ground.

“Ah, worth a try.” He murmured.

The evil spirit, now enraged, screamed through gurgling lungs.

Reigen rolled out of the way a second before the spirit’s hand crashed into the edge of the pond, sending rocks and plants flying. Reigen felt bad for Riyo’s garden. It had clearly taken a lot of work.

He tried to scramble to his feet, but he had a sinking feeling that the fall had been worse than he’d initially thought. The pain was only worsening, and now his head was filled with cotton. He tasted copper.

The spirit roared again, a declaration of its presence more than anything, and slammed its arm down again.
This time, Reigen wasn’t quite fast enough in his dodging. This time, the attack hit him head on. His head slammed back against the rocks hard enough that for a staggering second, he thought his teeth had been knocked out.

His senses were lost as they were submerged within the spirit’s watery arm. The freezing water shocked his system enough to stay awake, head wound withstanding. Underwater, he watched a swirl of his own crimson blood peel away from his hairline.

The oxygen in his lungs had been exhausted. He gasped, and received a mouthful of freezing, foul tasting water. His vision had begun to flake away into darkness.

He pulled away as hard as he could with the energy he could muster, but the evil spirit held him down with several tonnes of water. He had no chance.

Always kind of planned to go down like this, he thought, semi-delirious, just wish I could’ve gone out on a high note.

As he lost consciousness and his vision went completely dark, he heard his phone trill with an incoming call.

Chapter Text

Lights that flash in the evening through a hole in the drapes. I’ll be home when I’m sleeping. I can’t hardly wait.

Can’t Hardly Wait by The Replacements

The first thing he became aware of was the deer scarer cracking open, then closed.

Crack. Crack. Crack.

Reigen groaned and reached up a shuddering arm to rub the sleep out of his eyes. His head was killing him. He felt colder than he thought possible, but it felt like his body was weighed down by a blanket.

Crack. Crack. Creek.

His arm felt restrained somehow, like something was tugging against his wrist. He pulled against it, but it pulled back, and it hurt. He heard another groan rise out of his chest. He felt like he’d slept under a tonne of bricks. His lungs screamed in pain as he dragged air into them.

Creek. Bleep. Bleep.

He opened his eyes. The deer scarer was not cracking open and closed, because he was no longer in the garden on the Yoshitori property. The ceiling was white-washed. A strip light blinded him from above.

Bleep. Bleep. Bleep.

He was in hospital.

He startled up onto his elbows and looked around.

The hospital room looked like every other; cold, sterile, and too bright for someone with a likely concussion to be looking around. He squinted through the light. The bleeping noise was coming from a heart rate monitor above his head.

He was alone.

He wondered who’d brought him in. Maybe Yoshitori had found him in his garden, passed out and unresponsive. Less of a success story he could document on his blog, more of a colossal failure for his business.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. They were bare, nothing but a hospital gown giving him minimal coverage to the point just above his knees. He shivered. He wondered who had changed him and shuddered again. He hated hospitals.

“Hello?” He called out, in the direction of the door. He was half hoping a nurse would rush in and help him up, but the hospital remained silent, aside from the periodic beeping of the heartbeat monitor.

He pulled the pulse monitor from where it had been clamped on his finger. The bleeping became one elongated, annoying noise. He figured if there was a nurse nearby, they’d rush towards the sound of a flatlining patient. He waited. There was nothing. No movement outside his door.

He reached behind him and switched the monitor off at the outlet. It made one last strangled noise, then fell into silence.

The silence felt different. It was all encompassing. It made him feel like the last man on Earth.

He got to his feet and padded a few steps towards the window. He was pulled back on the third step by the line in his arm. An IV.

Reigen carefully peeled away the plaster keeping the needle tucked away from sight. Beneath, the IV needle looked menacing. He took a breath, and slowly eased it out of his skin. It didn’t hurt. He placed the needle carefully on a tray next to the bed and rubbed away the tiny spot of blood that had welled up.

“Hello?” He called again.

No answer. Not that he’d really expected anything.

He continued his journey to the window. Outside, the streets were grey and empty. A few school kids trailed slowly home, but there was nothing of the usual bustle of the city. The sky above was dark. It looked like a storm was brewing. The clouds were heavy with rain. His father, a fan of proverbs, used to look at rain brewing and mutter darkest clouds mean something good is sure to follow. When he was a child, Reigen had thought it was his way of making light of a bad situation. Now older, Reigen knew the darkest clouds just meant the dahlias on his balcony would get overwatered again.

He shivered below the storm. His bare arms raised with goosebumps.

Now that he was really looking at it, the sky looked…different. The clouds roiled over one another, making the open expanse of sky look like it was made of liquid. It hurt his head to look at for too long.

He shook himself and backed away from the window. He turned instead to the door, which opened with little persuasion. He wasn’t locked in. So why did he feel so on edge?

In the corridor outside, he was met with the same silence that occupied the hospital room. There was a gurney in the middle of the hall, but other than that, it seemed empty. He stumbled forward. He peered into each of the rooms as he passed them, but they too were empty. Devoid of life. He rubbed some warmth into his arms.

“Anyone here?” His voice echoed through the building like it was hollow.

At the end of the corridor, he reached a desk where he supposed a nurse was supposed to be stationed. There were stacks of files out in the open, but when he thumbed through them, they were blank. He circled the desk and eased himself down into the chair in front of a desktop computer. The screen bled blue light into the dim room.

He squinted. He knew from experience that the computer was asking for a password, but none of the words made sense to him. They seemed to drip from the screen like rivulets of dew. He pushed back. There was no sense in attempting to log in. He didn’t have the password, and he was too tired to think straight.

But as he stared at the screen, deciding his next move, the words continued to swirl. One around the other, again and again.

He screwed his eyes shut, then opened them again. The screen still moved, the surface rippling. The words had merged into the blue expanse, using their forms to create flecks of green and orange.

“What the hell.” He murmured. His own voice sounded foreign to him. He really had hit his head.

The flecks of green shimmered, and became leaves caught on the surface of the screen. The orange flecks grew, and became strange flexing shapes that wove around. The leaves floated, like they were underwater.

He touched the screen. His hand came away wet.

“That’s freaky.”

The orange shapes continued to take form. Reigen felt like he was watching it all unravel through clouded eyes, but he had enough detail to know what they were. Koi fish, dancing across the screen. Except, it was no longer a screen. It was a small pond, trapped in the computer monitor.

He wondered how it kept the surface tension. It was defying gravity.

Reigen tapped the screen again, and the water began to leak outwards, like it had heard him wondering about its impossibility.

He really was feeling tired.

One of the koi fish swam out into open air, its shining tail twitching minutely to keep it afloat. Soon, its friends joined it. They swam, one around the other, again and again.

Reigen fought to keep his eyes open. His bones felt like they had been replaced by lead.

The school of koi swam past his face, leisurely and uncaring that they were paradoxical.

From somewhere, perhaps his own mouth, he heard the words, “Wake up.”

They echoed between his ears, wake up, wake up, wake up.

And he did.

Reigen woke for the second time that afternoon, and this time the pain hit him with a sledgehammer rather than the light tap he’d experienced in the hospital.

Hospital? Was that real? Was that a dream?

He didn’t know. His breath came back to him all at once, and he gasped so harshly that he immediately fell into a coughing fit. He spluttered up a lungful of water, tasting just as foul as it had when he’d swallowed it; mildew and dirt. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Are you okay?” Asked an urgent sounding voice.

Reigen looked over.

Serizawa sat on the chair opposite, his suit jacket folded neatly over his lap.

The scene opened out beyond Serizawa. They were back at Spirits and Such. The overhead light was on, and it was dark outside. Tome, sat at Mob’s old desk, was pretending not to stare at him and failing miserably.

“Is this real?” Reigen rasped over his heavy tongue.

“Woah, I think he must’ve hit his head harder then you thought, Serizawa.” Tome said. She sounded half-joking, half-concerned.

“This is real.” Serizawa assured him. “You were asleep for a few hours, but Tome’s right. You hit your head pretty bad.”

Reigen groaned and eased himself up into a seated position. He looked down at his body and saw that he was still wearing his suit, through his jacket had been removed and replaced with a blanket. His shirt felt damp.

“I was…in a hospital.” He murmured. “Did you take me to the hospital?”

“…No.” Serizawa said.

“How did I get here?” Reigen asked.

“You…called me?” Serizawa said, as though it was obvious. “I was working, so I didn’t pick up immediately, but I saw your missed call. When I tried to call you back, it went to voicemail. I figured you must’ve needed help with an exorcism.”

“Well,” Reigen chuckled at the expense of his bruised back, and lungs, and head, “You were right.”

Serizawa hummed nervously. His lips pressed together as he mulled over his next words.

“For the world’s greatest psychic, you sure do get beat up by ghosts a whole bunch.” Tome said.

Reigen glared at her, and she shrugged and returned her attention to her paperwork. He was impressed that she’d turned up at all, considering the state of him. He couldn’t believe he’d had to be rescued.

“When I called Tome, she told me where you were. Mr Yoshitori was rather distressed when I arrived. You were…passed out in the centre of his garden.”

“Yeah, I got beaten down by some water spirit. It was nasty. Have you ever been beaten half to death by a koi pond?”

Serizawa went back to nibbling his lip. “I didn’t sense a spirit.”

Reigen laughed. “That’s funny, Serizawa.” He removed the blanket from his shoulder and folded it over the arm of the couch. He was slowly clawing back his dignity, but he would have preferred neither of the rooms current occupants to have to see him like this. “So I just cracked my own skull open on the ground?”

Serizawa’s fingers twitched. He lifted his hand slightly, as though he might reach out, but he trapped it under the other like he was trying to calm a riled cat. “I don’t know… But when I got there, you were bleeding, and Mr Yoshitori told me his water feature had broken. I think, perhaps, you fell?”

“I fell.” Reigen sniffed, unimpressed, “In my line of business? You don’t believe me.”

Serizawa blinked slowly as he processed the accusation, then he spluttered to life. His face flushed red. “Of course I believe you! Perhaps the spirit…fled before I arrived?”

Tome snorted, “He’s sparing your feelings. We both think you’ve lost it.” She stapled a stack of paper to punctuate her point.

“Tome!” Serizawa scolded.

“What? It’s true.”

Reigen held Serizawa’s gaze, hoping to ease the truth out of him. He was such a natural mediator, it sometimes meant he would lie purely to avoid confrontation. Reigen could sympathise with a liar, but not at his own expense.

“It’s nothing. Really, it’s fine.” Serizawa’s face belied his true thoughts.

Alright. Time to turn the screws on him.

“Serizawa, you won’t even be honest with me?” Reigen punctuated his words with his best puppy-dog eyes, “Not even after the years we worked together? After everything I taught you?”

“Uh! Alright…” Serizawa crumbled quickly, “We’ve just been…concerned about you recently.”

“Why?”

“Well…you’re—“

“Spiralling.” Tome supplied.

Serizawa spun to level his own glare at her. She zipped her lips and went back to work.

Reigen watched them both closely. He hadn’t expected a—what was this? An intervention?

“You don’t seem to be doing so well at the moment. Tome told me you're smoking again.”

“And that’s cause for concern?”

Serizawa shook his head, quick and sharp. “Whenever I see you, you look like you haven’t slept. Tome said you’ve started to miss appointments with clients, and the ones you do attend, you start arguments with the customers.”

“Tome sure does talk a lot.” Reigen said pointedly. She and Serizawa pretended they hadn’t heard him.

“You’re getting hurt, more and more. You’re much more reckless than you were. And I—I’m not there to—“

Reigen flapped a hand at him. “I’m fine. Besides, it’s not your responsibility to watch over me. I don’t need someone to hold my hand while I do my job.”

“The concussion would suggest otherwise.” Tome said.

“Could we shut her up?” Reigen groaned.

“For a price.” She grinned.

Reigen turned his attention back to Serizawa, who was fidgeting desperately.

“So you think I’m spiralling because I occasionally smoke and I’m not so good at keeping time?”

“I’m just saying, if you need help, I’m—Um, Tome and I are here for you.”

Reigen nodded, slowly. “Thanks. I’ll let you know when I need help.”

He’d meant this to be shitty, because that’s how he felt, but Serizawa’s face only flickered into soft concern.

“So, how are you feeling now?” Serizawa leaned in. He got close. He was so nervous about other things, but proximity was not one of them. “Let me see your head.” He seemed to be so blissfully unaware of personal space sometimes, which meant he was now so close to Reigen that he could feel Serizawa’s breath against his cheek. Reigen relented, and Serizawa parted the hair on the crown of Reigen’s head with fingers that felt cold against his slightly feverish skin.

“Hmm.” He hummed.

“How’s it look?” Reigen asked. His body couldn’t decide between feeling the pain of Serizawa’s examining hands against his head wound, or the flush of adrenaline channeling into his veins from Serizawa’s closeness.

“It looks…uh, red. There’s a little bit of blood.”

“It’s clean?”

“Mmhmm.” Serizawa hummed into his ear.

“Great. Well, I’ll get myself cleaned up and back to work then.”

Serizawa pulled away, frowning. “You should rest.”

Reigen shrugged. “I should probably give ol’ Yoshitori a call to let him know I’ll be back tomorrow and—“

“I can do that.” Tome said, waving the landline receiver at him.

He could see a small dent in the plastic where he’d thrown it against the wall earlier that afternoon. A cold stone sank in his stomach. Maybe he really wasn’t doing well.

“See?” Serizawa said, smiling encouragingly. “Tome has it under control here. You can go home and sleep off the concussion.”

Reigen smiled back, “You’re missing work right now, aren’t you?”

Serizawa looked sheepish. His fidgeting had given him away. That, and he’d been sitting ramrod straight with his jacket in his hand the whole time they’d been speaking.

“Don’t get fired on my account! Go on, get back to work. Boss’s don't appreciate slackers, you know?” Reigen said.

Serizawa nodded, “I know.” He got up and unfolded his jacket. “I’ll excuse myself, then.” Reigen watched as he slid his suit jacket around his broad shoulders. It fit well—he wondered if someone had helped Serizawa choose it, or if he’d had it tailored. He watched Serizawa smooth down his tie so that it sat flush to his chest, something that Reigen himself remembered teaching him. Remember, Serizawa. Your tie is like a symbol of your professionalism. You have to make sure it represents you well.

He had always been like that, hadn’t he? Most of the advice Reigen dished out on professionalism had been gifts from his own father. Endless tidbits of advice. But unlike Reigen, Serizawa had never really needed it. He had learned to be better on his own.

Reigen watched Serizawa leave.

Reigen floated through a few days chanting ‘business as usual’ like a mantra. Sure, his head still hurt, but a few painkillers and a finger of whiskey seemed to quell the pain enough for him to continue his work. Well, more like a thimble of whiskey. He had just bought the bottle because he thought it would make him look cool, but in reality whiskey burned the whole way down and smelt like rocket fuel.

He’d revisited Yoshitori’s, if only to confirm that the whole thing had even happened outside of his head. The destroyed koi pond spoke in his favour, but Yoshitori swore blind he didn’t see anything happen to Reigen.

“I don’t know! One moment, you were splashing salt around, the next, you were bleeding onto Riyo’s chrysanthemums.”

Reigen got paid, in the end. Yoshitori had told him his wife’s condition had improved almost the instant Reigen had left, and had stayed that way since. That had earned him a hearty handshake, a hearty roll of cash, and a hearty tonkostu ramen in a Tupperware tub.

Now, Reigen climbed the stairs to Spirits and Such with trepidation. He unlocked the office and flicked the light on without thinking. He did a lot of things without thinking. It was just routine. Routine felt safe, but it also felt boring. It reminded him of how he’d felt in his first job, selling a product that meant nothing to him, to people who were stupid enough to buy.

The office was silent. Not the same silence of the hospital, which he was now convinced must’ve been a dream, but the silence of a cold room in a busy city. He could hear alarms below, chairs scraping on the floor of the cafe above him, and the constant buzz of the power lines which he could only hear when he really listened out for them.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. His injuries had mostly subsided, but he could admit his head went a little fuzzy occasionally.

A few times over the past couple of days, he’d caught movement from the corner of his eye. A swirl of water here, the twitch of a fin there. When he turned his full attention on whatever had caught his eye, it disappeared.

“Reigen?”

He jolted.

Tome was sitting at her desk.

“Why did you turn the lights off?” She asked.

“Huh?” Reigen frowned. But she was right. It was dark in the office, and he’d definitely flipped the switch on the way in. “Oh right. Sorry.” He turned back and flicked the lights back on. “Habit.” He shrugged.

“Sure.” Tome said, not taking her eyes off him as he dropped his bag and keys on his own desk.

He settled back into his chair and opened his laptop. He considered the water stain beneath his desk for a moment, until his eyes went blurry. He turned his attention back to the laptop. The login screen swirled like the cool surface of an ocean. The words asked him to punch in his password. He obliged, blearily.

“You’re like, super late.”
“Yeah?” Reigen said, half listening.

“I had to move around some clients. You know, Miss Tanaka was upset that her appointment had to be pushed back again, you know how much she relies on your spiritual massages or whatever.”

“Uh huh.” Reigen blinked away his strange swirling vision and logged into his email. There were an alarming amount of unread emails from frustrated clients.

He ran down the list, realising almost all of them had been delivered the night before. The subject lines were all different, but similar in nature.

‘The spirit returned immediately! I want a refund!!’, and ’I wish to make a formal complaint’, among several others singing to the same hymn sheet.

It didn’t really bother him—he’d been through a public scandal before, what was the worst someone could say to him via email?

“Reigen, are you listening?”

“If I’m honest? No.”

Tome hummed, “Well, the honesty is refreshing at least.”

Reigen leaned back from his laptop. “What is it? Another intervention? You know, I didn’t appreciate you ganging up with Serizawa the other day. I thought at least my secretary would have my back.”

“You’re so dramatic.” Tome rolled her eyes. She was too tall for Mob’s desk, but she refused to move over to Serizawa’s desk. Reigen had never noticed that before.

“I’m just bringing it to your attention.” She continued, “I’m the one looking at the numbers here, remember? And the numbers say, keep missing appointments, and lose your entire client base.”

“Funny you should say that Tome, because this is the week I get back to normal!” He announced, channelling his best attempt at flair. “Book in as many clients as you can for this afternoon. You set ‘em up, I’ll knock ‘em down.”

“Uh, okay. If you’re feeling up to it?”

“Of course!”

Tome smiled, “Okay then. In that case, the next one I can fit in is…midday.”

Reigen nodded, “Let’s do it.”

The afternoon fled from beneath him in a blur. Client after client, the same spiel each time.

“An ache in your left shoulder, you say? Well, of course it’s the spirit of your dead cousin. Let my secretary talk you through our treatment plans, and I’ll sort that shoulder in a jiffy.”

“What’s that? Haunted bathrobe? It’s much more common than you would think, and an easy fix—ah, for a price.”

“Seeing the face of a demon in your ex husband—I see, you’ve got the wrong place.The divorce lawyer’s office is on the top floor, can’t miss it.”

The clients rushed through, one appointment merging into the next. It felt good to get back into the rhythm of things at Spirits and Such. He could tell that Tome was happy to be useful too, or at least, happy in the knowledge that she would be paid at the end of the day.

By the time the sun had begun setting, they bid the final client of the day adieu and crashed onto the couches with a cup of green tea each.

“You really can work when you want to then, eh?” Tome said, slurping her tea.

Reigen smiled, “Everyone has a couple of slow days every once in a while. Maybe I just needed a good smack on the back of the head to get me back into the swing of things. Maybe I should hit my head more often.”

“I don’t think Serizawa’s heart could take that.”

Reigen paused in sweeping his own cup back. His own heart lurched at the mention of his former co-worker.

Tome’s grin was slightly evil. He had the feeling she knew what effect her words would have on him. She tipped her cup at him, “He had a heart attack when he found you knocked out on the job. He wanted to take you to the hospital, but I told him you’d be pissed if you woke up in some nasty hospital room. So he agreed to take you back here and wait to make sure you were okay.”

Reigen scratched the back of his head absently. Now that it was starting to heal, his head wound was itching something ferocious.

“You know,” He said, “I had the strangest feeling that I did wake up in a hospital room. But there was no one there. Just me. Not even any doctors. And it felt so strange. So…quiet.”

“Right…” Tome was watching him with trepidation.

“It must’ve been a dream.” Reigen said quickly.

“Most likely. Sounds like a boring dream.”

“Hm, I suppose it was.” He sipped his tea, “Still, it’s good we turned around so many clients. That’ll really turn the tide on all those complaints we got through last night. How weird that they all came through at once, though.”

“Complaints?”

Reigen nodded, and gestured at his laptop which still sat open on his desk. “Check it out if you want. I was going to go through and do some damage control tonight when I go home. I think they’d all appreciate a voucher for one free consultation to make up for their bad experience, don’t you agree?”

Tome grinned, “You really don’t give up, do you?” She fetched his laptop from his desk.

“In this line of business, you can never let them win. They’ll be back—who else can they turn to in times of spiritual need?”

Tome opened up the laptop and begun scrolling through, “I guess you really cornered the market on fake psychics.”

Reigen sniffed, “Trust me Tome, there are psychics out there much faker than me. Say something like that again and I’ll be taking my emotional damages out of your pay check.”

Reigen was so preoccupied with his preaching that he hardly noticed Tome’s slowly fading smile.

When she didn’t answer, he nudged her foot with the toe of his shoe, “Some of them are pretty hurtful, aren’t they? Hey, you don’t have to read them.”

Tome shook her head. She was scrolling wildly, her eyes flicking across the screen. “Reigen. There aren’t any complaints.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” He smirked, “Don’t tell me you’ve gone through and deleted them already?”

“No. Look.”

Tome turned the laptop around so that he could see the screen.

He read the subject lines. Each email delivered from the night before had changed. Tome was right. They weren’t complaints. They weren’t from spurned clients.

“Reigen, these were all sent by you.”

He read the subject lines again, unable to keep the words in his head without spinning into disbelieving panic. They were all the same, sent one after the other, each a few minutes apart. And each subject line read:

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Chapter Text

Day after day it reappears. Night after night, my heartbeat shows the fear. Ghosts appear and fade away.

Overkill by Men at Work

In sleep, Reigen visited the hospital again.

In fact, it seemed all regular programming in dreams had been replaced with the hospital, whether he passed out in front of the TV, or made the conscious decision to hit the hay.

When he slept, it felt more like a dream and less like another reality sequestered inside his mind. He was reassured when he woke up that while he hadn’t imagined it, it was nothing more than a dream and therefore no cause for concern. Any other strange happenings were either symptoms of his concussion, or an occupational hazard.

When he went to the hospital in regular dreams, he had little control over his actions. He had no physical form. His mind swam through the corridors with the koi fish, and watched the roiling, stormy sky outside. His hospital gown drifted weightlessly around him. The air smelled like ozone and mildew. In the dream hospital, he never encountered another soul. Through the windows, he could see people outside, going about their lives, but he never got close enough to speak to them. He wondered if they were even real. Perhaps, if he managed to approach them, he’d find that they didn’t have faces, or voices. Maybe they were like background characters in video games, only loading enough to convince the player they were real.

It set his teeth on edge.

And soon, he was gasping awake again. When he woke up, he felt more tired than he had when he’d fallen asleep. He also woke up drenched in sweat, like he’d spent the night running a marathon. He coughed up more of the brackish water that seemed to have made deep roots in his lungs. He wondered when he’d be rid of it. If he’d ever be rid of it.

At the bathroom sink, he brushed his teeth thoroughly, took a few painkillers, and shaved a few stray whiskers from his chin. After that, he ambled out onto his balcony to chain-smoke until he had to leave to open Spirits and Such. He watched the sun and remembered his mortality. He ate an out of date sandwich from a packet.

Tome had taken some convincing that the whole email fiasco had been nothing but a prank. He’d hastily played it off: ‘I was just testing you Tome. Don’t take everything so seriously, I thought young people were supposed to be fun!’ He realised she still didn't fully believe him, but he found he functioned best when people teetered on the edge of disbelief. It was his choice whether to tip them either way, depending on how he played his next hand. Uncertainty was easiest to sway.

In reality, seeing the emails sat in his inbox, still unread, all sent from his personal email account, had truly shaken him. He didn’t remember sending them and he certainly didn’t remember sitting down and writing them. True, the days since his accident with the spirit at Yoshitori’s had been a blur, but not so much that he’d lost time. At least, he didn’t think he had.

He’d almost assumed he’d been hacked, but when he got home and logged in to his personal email, there were drafts, half written and waiting to be sent. He didn’t know the ins and outs of hacking, but he didn’t think that was possible.

Must’ve been drunk, Reigen told himself.

He stubbed his last cigarette out into his overflowing ashtray and straightened out his suit.

He would go to work. He would dazzle clients. He would sell some of those damn books.

And he would be fine.

Reigen pulled his coat over his suit and left his apartment. It may have been late spring, but it was still freezing.

Spirits and Such had been quiet recently, so there was no better time to finally get back into the swing of things. Tome assisted when she could, arriving in the afternoons on weekdays with her college work tucked under an arm, and opening the office on weekends when Reigen couldn’t drag himself out of bed. She seemed to be concerned for him. And he was endlessly grateful for her—though he’d never tell her. She’d demand a pay rise, and Reigen already paid her just below minimum wage. That was way more than Mob had ever gotten.

When he got down to the street for his short amble into the office, he thought perhaps his fellow commuters hadn’t got the weather memo that morning. The people he passed were wearing light trousers, or polo shirts, or long flowing skirts. There were no coats in sight. But Reigen felt as though he could see his own breath, spiralling out in plumes ahead of him as he walked. He shivered and dug his hands into his pockets. He usually ran hot, but lately he’d hardly been able to get warm.

There was a small convenience store a few blocks from Spirits and Such. As he walked, he decided that an instant noodle pot would warm him up. Failing that, he figured they might have some hot drinks on sale.

The door chimed as he entered. The store was busy, as usual. There were quite a few office blocks around the vicinity, so a crowd of people of the same mind as Reigen had stormed in to purchase breakfast. He even spotted a few kids wearing Salt Middle School uniforms.

The bustle of the shop felt normal, which felt safe. He browsed through an isle of refrigerated food; sandwiches with thick white bread, onigiri, pre-packaged cuts of fish, and bread-crumbed meat.

“You know what Jun said?” A girl in a Salt uniform was laughing with her friend as she walked around Reigen.

“What?” Her friend replied, sounding much less enthusiastic than the first girl.

“She said she was going to confess to class president Asa. After school.”

Both friends burst out into tittering laughter. They sounded like a pair of exotic birds, and the sound went straight through Reigen’s head. He picked up a sandwich and turned it to read the ingredients. Salmon, spinach, egg. He put it back, making a face.

“Is she serious?” One of the girls chuckled.

Reigen moved away, pulling a packet of instant ramen from one of the shelves as he went. Leaving the girls behind, he dodged a pair of businessmen considering the snack selection and snagged a packet of peach candy. For Tome. He remembered her saying it was one of her favourites.

He dumped his shopping onto the front counter for the shop assistant to ring him up.

The man at the counter wore a bright blue apron and looked friendly enough, though he regarded Reigen with apprehension.

“Hey, can I also get a pack of those?” Reigen gestured to the cigarette stand behind the counter.

The man nodded, scanning them through. Behind his head, Reigen could see the CCTV screens. Three of them, each aimed at different parts of the store. He didn’t realise he was staring until the shop assistant tapped the register, where his total was displayed. The man looked a little exasperated, and Reigen was sure he’d been trying to get his attention for a while.

Reigen dug into his wallet for a couple of notes and passed them over, then went back to the CCTV screens. There was something…off…about them. The surface of the screens rippled. The people walking around the store looked like they were swirls of oil in water. He rubbed his eyes.

Reigen glanced back to the counter and collected his items, shoving them in various pockets. He placed the pack of cigarettes in his breast pocket, next to his lighter. He took the receipt and thanked the shop assistant, turning to go.

The man held his hand up, asking Reigen to wait. He gestured at the counter. “Wake up.”

Reigen paused, his smile frozen on his lips. “Sorry, what did you just say?”

The man’s face flickered into confusion, “I said, don’t forget your change, sir.” He gestured at the pile of coins on the counter.

“Ah,” Reigen laughed it off, sweeping the coins off the counter and into his coat pocket, “Thank you very much.”

The shop assistant watched him closely as he left.

The doors chimed again.

“Hey, Reigen?”

Reigen tore his eyes away from the window. He’d been watching the blossoms float past from his desk. End of the season again. It came around faster every year.

There he went again, acting all wistful. Perhaps it came with age.

“You told Serizawa that you’d let us know if you needed help, right?”

Reigen frowned at her. She sounded suspicious.

“Yes, I did. Well, I said when I needed help.” He steepled his fingers over his laptop keyboard. “I’d let you know.”

“You really worried him, you know?”

“I know, he told me that too.” Reigen leaned back in his chair, which rolled back until it hit the wall behind him. He let his head rest on the cool windowpane.

Tome’s fingers twitched over the calculator she’d been using to run through Reigen’s accounts.

Reigen sighed, “Are you going to tell me we’re losing money?”

Tome looked down, then back up at him. “No. Actually, we’ve done better this quarter than we have the past financial year. I’ve actually been learning about KPI’s in class, and—”

Reigen grimaced and flapped his hands at her, “Don’t use that fancy talk with me.”

“Okay.” Tome’s eyebrow arched, “Money is good, pay me more.”

Reigen laughed, the biggest belly laugh he could muster with what little energy he had. “You’re hilarious.”

“Alright—just, listen.” She became serious once more. “I’m just saying, I think you might need a break. From work, I mean. Why not take a nice vacation? You could, uh I don’t know, visit family or something? Do you have family? Uh, go to the beach? An onsen?”

Reigen tried to imagine himself lounging on a beach, or relaxing at an onsen. He didn’t even grace the idea of spending a break visiting his family with a spare thought. A holiday? He’d only ever gone to those sorts of places on a job. “But I’ve never taken a break.”

Tome shrugged, “Maybe that’s the problem? You’re at your limit.”

Reigen laughed, “When I’m at my limit, you’ll know. This business won’t run itself, and anyway, I love this place! What, am I just meant to leave it to the dogs while I’m gone? The amount of times this office has blown up, or burnt down, I can’t take my eyes off it for more than a few hours.” He huffed, “The insurance company won’t cover another accident.”

“Okay, let me put it this way. You’ve done nothing for the past hour other than stare at the damn cherry blossoms out the window.”

Reigen shrugged. “Can’t miss the fleeting beauty. You know, people travel from all around the world to witness this spectacle.” He gestured to the window.

“What about the emails? You know, the ones you sent to yourself? You didn’t think I really believed your shitty cover story.”

“Language, Tome.”

“I keep coming in to find the office is closed, and you’re completely absent. When I do catch you in here, you stare into space and talk to yourself.” Her voice was raised. She really looked angry, though Reigen didn’t know why. He didn’t need to be lectured by a college student. “Ever since that evil spirit roughed you up at Yoshitori’s house, you’ve been completely spaced out.”

“Yeah? Well, a concussion will do that to you.” Reigen pointed out. For some reason, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. He felt drunk.

“This is what I’m talking about! You totally just slurred your words right there.” Tome pointed at him accusingly.

“I did not.” Reigen said.

“Your commitment to a bald-faced lie is impressive, but I literally just heard you.”

He shrugged.

Reigen knew she was telling the truth. He had lost time over the past week, and it had all started since he’d been attacked by that evil spirit. But he was still seeing clients, still turning up to work, and he’d been taking meds to keep the pain at bay. He didn't need a break, or to spend time away from work. He needed to get back into the swing of things. Back to normal.

As soon as the damn concussion and weird dreams had cleared up, it would be fine. But wasn’t a week a little long to ignore all the strange symptoms he’d been experiencing? Were hallucinations and vivid dreams the norm for mild head trauma?

He sat back in his chair and ran his fingers up the length of his nose and came to a rest at the space between his eyebrows where yet another headache had blossomed. It had come on when Tome had started yelling at him.

“Reigen, will you listen to me? For once?” Tome called, bored with being ignored.

Reigen groaned, “Only if you stop shouting. My head is killing me.”

“I’m not shouting.” Tome shouted.

Reigen squeezed his eyes shut. The overhead light was suddenly so bright it was like torture. His father used to get awful migraines, where he had to draw all the curtains and lay in a dark room until it passed. Sometimes it took days. Reigen felt like laying in a black hole wouldn’t be dark enough.

He scrabbled through his desk drawers for a few moments, watched by a bewildered Tome. He’d run out of painkillers. Or he’d forgotten them. He couldn’t keep track of himself.

Reigen squinted at Tome, “Hey, is the room spinning for you too?”

Tome’s eyes went wide, “What?”

Much like it had in Yoshitori’s garden, Reigen’s vision clouded up like a thick fog had rolled in. What little he could see was gradually eaten away into darkness. The room suddenly felt very cold.

“I don’t know…I don’t feel…” Reigen croaked. He lost whatever words he was trying to say into the opening abyss in his head.

Reigen tried to get to his feet. Something at his core told him he needed to be standing for whatever came next. To fight an invisible assailant. Or to run. His legs felt like jelly.

“Reigen, are you—“

Reigen took one last look at the cherry blossoms outside. They truly were beautiful, especially bathed in that deep orange glow from the afternoon sun. He really had to take more pictures.

Then he was falling.

“Woah, hey!” Tome’s chair clattered to the floor.

The floor swiped up from beneath him and caught him, neat as a ball in a net. His shoulders cracked against the side of his desk. When he opened his eyes again he was laying down, looking up at the ceiling. Listening to the buzzing lights above him. The sounds of the cafe above, the squeaking chairs, and the alarms echoing in the city below.

And Tome’s voice, calling his name.

Reigen woke up in the other place. The hospital room.

He heard the crack of the deer scarer, and shot upright in bed. His head swirled and echoed the pain he’d felt when he’d fallen in front of Tome. He looked around. The heart rate monitor bleeped slowly, taunting. Tome wasn’t here.

He unhooked himself methodically from the monitoring equipment and turned it off at the plug. He left his IV line trailing across his bed, certain that there was not a soul in this hospital aside from Reigen himself.

“Okay, here again.” He mumbled. “What now?”

He touched his head. It hurt much less than it had in…the real world? He wasn’t sure. When he’d dreamt of this place a few nights before, it had definitely been just that. A dream. But now that he was here again? It felt so real.

He swung himself out of bed and kept momentum out of the door. He didn’t stop at the nurse station, and kept walking until he met another set of doors. He shivered. He searched for a moment, until he found a coat swung over the back of a chair in one of the hospital rooms. He pulled it on. It appeared to be a woman’s parka coat, but it was large enough to fit him. Not that he was the world’s largest man. Serizawa would have some trouble squeezing into it. The thought bizarrely made his stomach flutter.

He left the hospital. He didn't know why he hadn’t before, but he supposed he’d been distracted by the foreign environment.

He had been right about being alone in here. In his journey to find the exit, he didn’t find a single occupied room. No nurses, no doctors, no patients. Just empty rooms, empty corridors, empty beds.

The double doors opposite the reception were not locked. Reigen pushed into the outside world with ease. For some reason, he felt the need to brace himself, as if he’d reach the other side of the doors and find a vacuous void, a cloud of nothing. His bare feet stumbled out onto asphalt. He caught the scent of the city. He’d emerged onto a dingy back-alley. It was still deathly silent, but it felt more alive than inside the hospital.

The sky still roiled ominously above him, on the edge of a storm. It felt like it was watching him.
“Okay.” He said, “Okay, next order of business.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, a sort of factory reset he hoped would keep him awake long enough in here to get to the bottom of this. Keep me awake in here? Aren’t I asleep?

He urged himself to move on—arguing semantics with himself wouldn’t get him anywhere fast. He walked until he was out of the alley and reached a wider road. He passed people, who glanced at him, then quickly away. They pulled up their coat collars to hide their mouths as they twisted in confusion, or disgust. They seemed real enough. He heard a few mutters.

“Did you see him?” They said, “Is he wearing anything under that? It’s too cold to be walking around without shoes.”

Reigen pulled the coat tighter around him. He hadn’t really considered that the people outside would pay him much mind. He was dreaming after all.

After a few blocks of stumbling in bare feet, he recognised a sign. It was the convenience store he’d visited that morning in the real world. Except, the words on the sign had bled together and dripped down the front of the shop. In fact, every piece of text had not been spared from the melting treatment. From the ice-cream display, to the adverts for cigarettes, the opening hours and the alcohol licence, all the words had become completely illegible.

He turned away, before the stabbing pain in his eyes became too much.

You know… He found himself thinking, that store is only a few blocks away from Spirits and Such.

He turned on his heel and followed a very familiar path. Past the houses with plum trees leaning over their walls. Weaving through the bridge over the river. The walk was a little more treacherous than usual, with no shoes or pants on. He received increasingly alarmed glares from passersby. Reigen did look a little like he’d freshly escaped from a mental institution. He felt a little like it too.

A few minutes later, and he was looking up at Spirits and Such. From the outside, the building looked exactly the same, apart from the sign. Much like the convenience store, the letters on the sign were dripping black onto the street below. He caught a whiff of mildew.

“Time to go to work.” He smiled. He felt like even if the world ended, his old office would be the last thing standing, like a cockroach. He patted the door as he opened it, like he was greeting a friend. As stupid as he looked, it brought him a small comfort to know Spirits and Such would always be waiting for him.

He took the stairs up to the next floor, tracing the marks on the steps where his own shoes had worn them down. Well, his shoes, along with everyone else in the building.

When he reached the door into the office, his hand went to his pocket where he usually kept his keys—of course, there were no keys there now. There wasn’t even a pocket. He was still wearing a hospital gown, and some poor woman’s coat. He worried that she’d miss it. Serizawa would have scolded him and made him return it.

He tested the handle. The door swung open on well oiled hinges, the smoothest it had opened in many years. He’d never really bothered to maintain the office, which meant the door often stuck and needed a strong arm to persuade it to open again.

He walked in.

“Sorry about that Tome, I just had the strangest…dream.” Reigen stopped in the centre of the room.

“Are you here…for an appointment…sir?” A woman’s voice asked hesitantly.

Three women stared at him with obvious confusion. Two of the women sat in leather chairs beneath mirrors mounted against the wall, where his posters and notice board normally hung. One woman had her hair in foils, and the other had been clean shaven. The third woman, standing where Reigen’s desk was meant to be, had her hands on her hips. Reigen’s desk had been replaced with some kind of strange contraption, a porcelain bowl stuck to the top of a chair. It had a shower head. It looked almost like a strange chair-sink chimera.

“We only cut women’s hair.” She said accusingly. She wore a half apron, loosely strung into her belt loops. A pair of scissors hung out of her back pocket.

“Ah, of course.” Reigen said, as though he’d expected her to say this. Truth be told, it had taken him an embarrassing amount of time to realise the room he’d stepped into wasn’t Spirits and Such, but a hairdressing salon.

The woman squinted at him. “Although…your roots could do with a bleaching.”

Reigen touched the top of his head self-consciously. They hadn’t grown out that much, had they?

“I’m actually looking for my office. It’s, uh. I must’ve gotten the wrong floor.”

The woman with her hair in foils tutted, “Looks confused, poor dear. Where did you come from?”

Reigen flushed, “I’m not confused. I’m just—“

The hairdresser, stood next to the sink-chair contraption, smiled reassuringly. “What’s your business called? I know all of the units in this building. Maybe I can help you find where you’re meant to be?”

Reigen returned her smile, grateful to finally find someone willing to help. He was finding himself confused more and more lately, but he couldn’t believe he’d forgotten the correct floor. The walk was so familiar to him, he could do it in his sleep—or, not-sleep, or whatever this strange world was. Was he still asleep?

Through the window, he saw a trailing orange fin float past. The other occupants of the room didn’t seem to notice it.

“That would be really helpful.” Reigen said, “You see, I’m actually an infinitely powerful psychic who happens to work in this building. I am Reigen Arataka! Please rely on me for any spiritual problems, I can share some price lists with you. My business is called Spirits and Such—uh, wait, I’ve got a business card.” He slapped his hip, where his suit pocket usually sat, and came up blank. Still wearing the hospital gown.

The hairdresser’s eyes had grown wider and wider in small increments. Her smile remained, but had lost its sparkle. “Miss Ikimaru? Could you please fetch me the phone?”

“Wait, I’m not—“ Reigen protested, but it died on his tongue.

The woman with her hair in foils leapt up and grabbed a phone from its cradle in the wall. Funny. There was a mark in the wall of his office, right where the phone cradle had been drilled into the wall. He’d covered it with a poster. Something dawned on him. Just a feeling, not enough for him to apply proper logic, but enough to throw him off guard.

“Hello?” The hairdresser was speaking hurriedly into the phone, “I’ve got a very strange man in my salon…No, he’s very confused. He’s wearing a hospital gown. I think he’s escaped from somewhere.”

Reigen ignored the blasphemy and looked back to the chair-sink contraption. The shower head resting on the sink was dripping water, slowly. Drip, drip drip. Right where his desk was meant to be.

He took a few steps closer.

The hairdresser covered the phone receiver with a cupped hand, “Hey! Stop there, guy!” She went straight back to speaking into the phone, “He said he’s a psychic, what kind of hospital do you think he escaped from?”

The water from the shower head continued to drip to the floor. The shape of the chair on the floor would surely make a strange impression with enough water damage. A shape that would look very similar to the water stain beneath Reigen’s desk. He backed away. The slowly dawning realisation had ground to a halt and given way to confusion. What the hell does this mean?

“I want someone to come here, and take him away. I don’t want him to hurt himself, or…you know.” The hairdresser continued to ramble on to whoever would listen on the other end of the phone, presumably the police.

Reigen backed up until he hit the door.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I’ve clearly made a mistake.” Reigen said, “It’s not what it looks like. I mean, I’m completely sane.”

The foil-hair woman chuckled, world weary, “Yeah, that’s what my old gramps said, right before he went and murdered my great grandma.”

Reigen grinned reassuringly, “I’m leaving now.” He fled back out into the stairwell and took each step two at a time. The faster he could get away from the imposter building, the better. His feet beat against the ground and asphalt bit into his soles.

He wasn’t sure where he was running this time. He considered going back to the hospital and trying to go back to sleep until he was sure this was the real world, and the other place was a dream. Instead, his feet took him out to where all the streets fed into one, where the buildings retreated back and made space for a clearing. In the clearing was the park he passed every day, walking between his apartment and Spirits and Such.

As always, it was almost empty, just an expanse of neatly trimmed grass, and a playground with a few articles of play equipment. A swing-set, a climbing frame, and a slide. The same combo could be found in tiny parks like this all over the city, but only this one was familiar to Reigen. He slowed to a stop as his feet met grass. Softer than asphalt, that was for sure.

He was alone. Well, not quite.

The playground was occupied by two kids. A boy and a girl. They were short, without much basis for comparison, Reigen didn’t know how old they were. Six, maybe?

They looked a little young to be out without a parent anyway, but that didn’t matter, because one of them was making a small dog float at least three or four metres in the air.

“You’re amazing!” The girl cheered.

The boy made the dog float higher. Psychic powers. Just like…

The kid turned around.

“Mob?” Reigen asked, his breath leaving him, fogging the air around him.

The kid looked up at him. His bowl cut gave him away. Reigen had a pretty nasty trim in high school, but Mob’s cut took the cake. But this Mob wasn’t the Mob he knew. This was Mob, before they’d met. Which meant, this was Mob before he’d accidentally hurt his brother with his uncontrolled powers.

This Mob, young Mob, looked at him with open fear. His eyes were wide and starry. “Who are you?”

Reigen opened his mouth, then stopped. How was he meant to answer that question? To young Mob, Reigen wasn’t his master. At least not yet. He was a perfect stranger.

“I’m…” He looked up at the dog, “Hey that’s a pretty neat trick.”

Young Mob grinned. Since he’d accepted his powers, Mob had been much more expressive, but the unrelenting joy on the boy’s face was unlike anything Reigen had ever seen from him before.

“Tsubomi thinks so too!” Young Mob said.

The girl, clearly Tsubomi now that Reigen thought about it, nodded vigourously. “He can do other stuff, too. He can lift super big stuff, and make stuff come alive. It’s really cool.”

“That is super cool.” Reigen assured her. “Hey, uh, is it really you?”

Young Mob and Tsubomi blinked in unison, watching him with wide eyes.

“Who are you talking about?” Young Mob asked.

Reigen shook his head, “See, I know you. In the real world. So what is this?” He looked around, “Some weird trick?”

“What’s wrong, mister?” Tsubomi asked.

Reigen stumbled back. He looked up at the stormy sky and directed his questions there. He had the strange sense that it was watching him. “What do you want? What is this? You’re just taunting me with the people I know, but not like this! Am I awake?” He looked back to the kids, “This can’t be real.” He murmured. But it felt real.

“You’re scaring me.” Young Mob said. The little dog had been lowered to the ground, and was dashing across the park back to it’s owner on the opposite street. He watched the owner of the dog hesitate in their walk when they spotted Reigen.

“I’m sorry, buddy.” Reigen said. He shut his eyes, hard. He was feeling woozy again.

“Hey, are you okay mister?” Young Tsubomi asked.

“Not really, no.” Reigen said, and his legs crumpled from beneath him.

I’m getting real sick of passing out, he thought, staring up at the stormy sky.

He heard a roll of thunder, like a laugh. The sky looked down at him with clinical detachment. Reigen watched back, even as his eyes were weighed shut by sleep. That sky was observing him, he was sure of it.

A leaf, moving as if it was caught in the current of a lazy stream, floated past his face.

But he was falling asleep again, legs shaking and the soporific feeling that rushed through his bloodstream. The fish were there, somewhere. He couldn’t see much anymore, his vision tunnelling, but he could feel them floating around him in the same way he could tell if someone was staring at the back of his head.

Before he closed his eyes, young Tsubomi’s face appeared over him. Her eyes were filling with sparkling tears.

“Wake up!” She cried.

Chapter Text

Well, there’s a small boat made of china, it’s going nowhere on the mantlepiece. Well, do I lie like a loungeroom lizard, or do I sing like a bird released?

Weather With You by Crowded House

“So, do something!”

Reigen shocked awake.

He bolted upright, and a dark suit jacket slid from over his torso. It seemed it had been placed there as a makeshift blanket. As he came to, he realised he was on the floor of Spirits and Such, though he didn’t remember how he had got there. His nose felt strangely warm.

“Oh, you’re…take it easy.”

Serizawa was over him, his hands outstretched like he was ready to catch something. Tome stood behind him, her mobile in her hand, one thumb tapping away. Her eyes darted to Reigen, then back to her phone.

“Why are you here?” Reigen said, hearing the words rush out of him in a slurry, spoken by some disconnected mouth. “Don’t you have a job to do?”

Serizawa took this on the chin, as he did with most things. He pulled out a handkerchief from his jacket pocket, the one that had been placed over Reigen.

“Here,” He said, “Your nose is bleeding.”

Reigen frowned, and touched the tip of his nose. The crimson blood looked just as foreign as everything else here. He felt like he was dreaming. He watched the blood bead together and run down his fingers with cold detachment. Was that his blood?

Serizawa pushed the handkerchief into his hands. Reigen stuffed it against his nose. Since when was Serizawa the sort to keep a fancy tissue in his pocket?

“Tome called.”

“Huh?”

“You asked why I was here?” Serizawa explained, sounding apologetic.

Tome shook her phone at them both, “I didn’t know what else to do. I tried for an ambulance first, but they said there was a twenty minute wait, and then there were these shadows, and it seemed like more of an psychic kind of emergency—“

“Shadows?” Reigen asked, unimpressed. He’d just woken from a nightmarish reflection of his own reality, shadows were part and parcel. If anything, he’d have been surprised if there weren’t shadows.

“There was some kind of shadowed figure in the office when I got here.” Serizawa explained, “It was pretty easy to deal with. It, uh, disappeared pretty much as soon as I turned my power against it.”

A spirit? Was that the root of all this? That was almost…laughable. Right?

Reigen pushed up into a seated position. If a client walked in right now, they’d see two fully grown men sitting on the floor in the middle of the office. From his seated position, he could just about make out the water stain beneath his desk. The exact shape of the sink at the salon in his dream. And he was sure if he moved the poster on the wall, he’d find the fixings for the wall phone. So did that mean everything he experienced in the dream was…the past? But if it was simply a dream, how would he have known that the office that now held Spirits and Such had at some point been occupied by a hairdressing salon? He swallowed down a wave of sickness and turned back to Serizawa, who was growing more fidgety by the second.

“You exorcised it? The shadow-spirit thing?” Reigen asked.

“Yes.” Serizawa said, “Though it was very weak. I doubt it could’ve caused too much trouble. It could barely manifest a physical form. It must’ve been a weak spirit left over from your last exorcism…”

“Right.” Reigen hummed. “Good.” He dabbed his nose again, wondering why he still felt so heavy, if the spirit had already been exorcised. He couldn’t possibly need more sleep.

Serizawa rocked back on his heels and got to his feet, offering his hand to help Reigen up.

Reigen took his offer and was pulled with alarming force to his feet. Blood rushed into his head, beating against his skull. He stumbled upright. Serizawa steadied him with a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“I still think we should go to a hospital. You took a nasty fall when you lost consciousness, and you’re most likely concussed from the first time.” Serizawa said.

Reigen pulled out from under his grip. “You said it yourself. Spirit’s gone. Kaput. Let’s all get on with our lives.” He sniffed, and a glob of blood spotted the front of his shirt.

“I, uh…” Serizawa fiddled with the edge of his sleeve.

“I just ordered you both a taxi.” Tome said on his behalf. “To the clinic.”

Reigen levelled Tome with his full ‘disappointed boss’ gaze.

“What? Serizawa asked me to.” She sniffed.

Reigen turned his disappointed gaze on Serizawa.

To his surprise, Serizawa held up pretty well beneath it. Probably because he was no longer Reigen’s subordinate. “I want you to go with me.” He said.

“You should get checked out, you know.” Tome said, “I’m sick of finding you passed out. You’re a damn ugly Sleeping Beauty.”

Reigen smiled facetiously. “You’re the best secretary I’ve ever had.”

“Correct! And I won’t stick around if you keep this up, so you better listen to Serizawa.” Tome turned to Serizawa, “You’ll make sure he doesn’t weasel his way out of this, right? Don’t fall for his slimy tricks, he won’t even visit the dentist without being coerced.”

Serizawa smiled benevolently, “Of course. The taxi is waiting outside.”

“Your chariot awaits,” Tome said, touching Reigen’s knee with her boot.

“That’s Cinderella, not Sleeping Beauty. You got your princesses mixed up.” Reigen sighed, but his heart wasn’t in it. He let Serizawa help him into his suit jacket, then his woollen coat over that.
“You’re cold?” Serizawa asked as they took the stairs down from the office to street level. Steps that Reigen had climbed what felt like a few moments ago.

“Yeah. Bit of a cold snap at the moment.”

Serizawa’s own suit jacket was folded neatly over his arm, and his sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. There was a spot of Reigen’s blood on the left cuff. He saw a bead of sweat rolling from Serizawa’s jawline and beneath his collar. Reigen averted his gaze.

“Yes.” Serizawa said, but he had clearly meant to say something else.

The taxi was idling in the street outside, the engine rumbling and echoing down the alley. Reigen looked back before he got into the taxi. The sign for Spirits and Such was totally legible. No melting words. Did that mean it was over, or did it mean he was awake? Or asleep? His head hurt just thinking about it. Actually, his head hurt all the time these days.

Serizawa opened the back door and gestured for Reigen to get in. He did, collapsing into the back seat and snapping in his seatbelt petulantly. Serizawa walked around to the other side and slid in next to him.

For a moment, Serizawa leaned forward and spoke to the taxi driver, and Reigen drifted away. It was rare for him to sit back and let Serizawa take the lead, but he didn’t have the energy to argue. He watched the buildings roll by as they drove. The cherry blossoms had mostly fallen at this point, leaving a carpet of bruised pinks and purples across the sidewalks and streets.

He pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his breast pocket and tapped one into his palm. He stuck it between his lips and sparked up the lighter. The first lungful was relaxing. The second made him feel sick. The third never came.

He looked down. There was a supernatural aura around the smoke. Containing it before it could escape. He turned to the only supernatural occupant of the car. Serizawa’s hand was twitching in his direction.

“What the hell.”

Serizawa was frowning. “I don’t know much about medicine, but I don’t think you should smoke after losing consciousness. It would make me feel better if you waited until the doctor says you’re okay.”

“It makes me feel better to smoke.” Reigen tapped the end of the cigarette impatiently.

Serizawa didn’t like to argue, but he’d found a loophole with Reigen. He looked at Reigen with open disapproval, “It’s also rude to smoke in a car?” Serizawa added. Though his uncertainty was unwavering, his disappointment had a powerful effect on Reigen.

Reigen didn’t take long to crumble.

“Fine.” He rolled down the window and tossed the half-smoked cigarette out. “You win.”

“Thank you.” Serizawa said carefully.

They sat in silence for a moment, but Serizawa was fidgeting like he always did when something was bothering him. His hands were braced against his knees as if he was expecting the car to crash.

Reigen was starting to think Serizawa might have something to say, but it was confirmed when he sighed at a comical volume and looked forlornly out the window. He could be so dramatic sometimes, but Reigen supposed that was what happened when you suppressed yourself for half of your life. Serizawa’s feelings were too big for his body. Mob was like that too. Maybe it was an esper thing. Maybe it was impossible to fit such powers in without crowding out their emotions.

“Did you have something to tell me?” Reigen sighed.

“Oh!” Serizawa pretended to be caught off guard. “Well, I was just wondering…Are you pissed at me?”

Reigen stared at him from the corner of his eyes. “What do you mean?” He was surprised by Serizawa’s choice of wording. He generally avoided swearing since his mother didn’t like it. Serizawa rubbed circles into his knees with his thumbs. The act seemed self-soothing and childlike, but his expression was serious. “I feel like…lately, you can’t wait to get rid of me.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Reigen flapped his hand.

“Is it?” Serizawa said, his voice still uncertain. “You sent me away after I brought you back from Yoshitori’s house. You tried to send me away today. And even before then, since I’ve moved to Sato Corp, we never spend any time together. You don’t speak to me unless I come to you first. It just feels…different from how we used to be when I worked at Spirits and Such. Was I mistaken in thinking our friendship extended past our working relationship?”

Reigen would have laughed, if he didn’t currently feel like such a dick. Serizawa’s speech had clearly been ripped from a HR textbook and pondered on for quite some time. It only endeared him to Reigen more.

“Listen,” Reigen said, “It’s been a weird week for me. I haven’t been my usual self, and my damn head hurts. But I don’t want you to miss out on your life because you’re having to look after your old boss who can’t seem to stay on his feet. I mean, you’re missing work right now, I bet?”

Serizawa’s head cocked slightly to the right as he listened intently. “I want to help you. Work shouldn’t take precedence over a friend in need, I think you taught me that.”

Reigen nodded while damning himself, “I get it. You think you owe me for everything I did to help you. But you don’t! The evil spirit is gone now, so from this moment onwards, you don’t have to worry about me. I can go back to being my usual powerful psychic self, and you can go on back to Sato Corp and brag about your former master’s amazing achievements. Do you read my blog?” Reigen said the last part behind his hand, like it was a secret, but in truth he’d been writing the blog with Serizawa in mind. He’d imagined Serizawa reading each entry and being proud of Reigen…which was embarrassing now that he was thinking about it.

Serizawa wasn’t playing along with Reigen’s sudden vigour. “I don’t think it’s gone.” He murmured. He was leaning in close again.

Reigen resisted the instinct to bend away, and instead held his ground. He wondered if his cheeks were flushed.

Serizawa’s brow was deeply furrowed as he studied Reigen. His dark eyes darted along Reigen’s face, like he could see something out of the ordinary there, just under the skin. “There’s something here. I just can’t tell if it’s a spirit, or…”

“Or?” Reigen prompted.

“I don’t know.” Serizawa admitted. “I don’t think the spirit I saw earlier was strong enough to do this, but there’s something clinging to you. It’s not supposed to be there, but it almost seems like…it’s part of you? It’s so faint I can barely see it. It doesn’t feel like I can exorcise it though.”

“What are you saying? What can you see?” Reigen fidgeted, feeling pinned under Serizawa’s intense examination.

“Uhhh, it looks almost like a dark cloud. Like a storm, waiting to break, over your head. Or, in your head? Sometimes if people experience extreme emotions, I can sense them. Are you experiencing an extreme emotion?”

“Oh me? I’m cool as a cucumber.” Reigen said, though the blood on his shirt would suggest otherwise.

And he wasn’t feeling particularly cool at all. His face felt hot. Serizawa was too close, physically and metaphorically. He wanted to be comforted by it, but his treacherous heart couldn’t stop thinking about all the things he couldn’t have. Serizawa had moved on. So should he.

“I just hope the doctor can find out what’s wrong. People don’t usually faint and get nosebleeds out of nowhere. They’ll do tests, I think.” Serizawa was mumbling, mostly to himself. “And if that doesn’t work…I wonder…”

“Why do you care so much?”

Serizawa’s head snapped round. “What?” He asked softly.

Reigen almost bit his tongue, but decided to follow through at last minute, meaning his words rushed out of him like water. “You don’t have to hang around me anymore. You have a job. You have other friends. It’s not like you owe me anything, you’ve long since paid me back. I told you that. I know you said you think of me as a friend in need, but there’s no obligation. I can handle it myself.”

“So it is true. You don’t want me around anymore?” Serizawa said, face like a kicked puppy.

“No.” Reigen sighed, “Of course I want you around. But I just don’t see why you’re so keen to waste your time taking me to the damn hospital.”

“Does there have to be a reason? I just want to help.” Serizawa said.

“You’ve gone above and beyond.” Reigen twisted his hand, channelling a suave confidence that came easily to him, “It’s getting a little embarrassing at this point, repeatedly being saved by my former assistant. It hurts my ego, you know?”

He expected Serizawa to apologise, or promise to back off.

He felt a warm hand close over his. He looked down at his lap. Serizawa’s hand, over his. In the back of the taxi, his breath stopped.

He tried to say something intelligent, but the cogs in his mind had been jammed. The warmth of the touch was the spanner in the works.

Serizawa seemed unfazed. “You’ll just have to get over it.” He patted Reigen’s hand, once, then withdrew to his own side of the taxi. He busied himself with looking out the window, while Reigen fell apart in the seat next to him. His cheeks were definitely flushed now.

Since when did you become so assertive, Serizawa?

Reigen kicked back on the examination table and placed his hands behind his head.

He’d had enough of hospitals over the last week, but if he had to be here, he could at least get comfortable. In the end, Serizawa had taken Reigen to a walk-in clinic for a quick examination. It made him feel better to know he wouldn’t be staying here, and Serizawa had insisted on waiting in reception. The room still set his nerves on edge.

Unlike the empty dream hospital, here were drawers and cupboards full of all manner of medical equipment and colourful bottles of medication. He remembered it all from visiting his father when he’d been far into his illness. The familiarity did nothing to help his nerves.

He shivered. He’d been asked by the nurse that showed him in to remove his coat and suit jacket, which he’d piled on a chair in the corner. His shirt felt like cellophane between him and the freezing room.

“Arataka Reigen?”

Reigen looked up at the door. A middle-aged woman with greying temples eased the door closed behind her. Her hair was pulled into a slick bun and fastened with a hairpin in the shape of a fish. It seemed disconnected from her pressed white coat and pencil skirt.

“That’s me.” Reigen said.

“I’m Dr Hanegawa.” She took a seat at the desk and typed into her computer for a second.

Reigen sat upright, feeling a little stupid for lounging. He’d never put much stock in these small-town clinics, but she seemed endlessly professional.

“Your friend ran through your symptoms on the phone, but if you could please confirm them, I will add them to your record.” Hanegawa said, sterile as the room.

“Uh, yes. Well, I’m having these…episodes, since hitting my head last week. I seem to have no control over them. One moment, I’m fine, the next I’m unconscious. I’ve been getting nosebleeds too.”

Dr Hanegawa turned in her desk chair and crossed her ankles. “Spouts of fainting following a minor head trauma are to be expected.” She hummed, “Have you been treating the wound with a cold compress and resting well?”

Reigen had been advised to do both of those things by the article he’d googled on concussions, but he’d chosen to forgo the advice—his freezer was broken at the moment, so no cold compress, and he refused to take time off of work. “Of course!” He answered.

“I see. Any other symptoms? Your friend mentioned some loss of time?”

Reigen shrugged, “Uh, not really. More like loss of reality? I’ve been having some weird dreams. And sometimes I zone out a little.”

“Do you find it hard to differentiate reality from dreams?”

Reigen frowned. It was a strange question from a doctor. He’d expect it from a shrink. “No. I figure my head is just a little fuzzy at the moment. I’ll keep it up with the cold compress and whatever, but you can let me go. My friend is just worrying over nothing.”

Hanegawa was unimpressed. Her lightly wrinkled mouth remained pressed into a downward arch. “The brain is the most precious part of the body. It will benefit us both if you ensure it’s well cared for. It sounds like your friend has the right idea.”

“Well, he often does.”

Hanegawa pulled a drawer out and retrieved a tray of medical instruments. She walked over to Reigen and placed the tray down on a rolling table next to the examination bed. Reigen looked over the array she’d arranged. A needle, a tube, a swab, some kind of torch and a thermometer. She busied herself with washing her hands and pulled on a pair of blue latex gloves.

“This is a standard examination. I’m sure you’ve had them before at your local clinic. I will be registering your vitals and asking you a few questions.”

She lifted the stethoscope looped around her neck and pressed it against his chest.

Reigen watched her go through the routine of the examination, wondering how Serizawa was doing in the waiting room. Hanegawa moved through her tray of instruments. She placed the thermometer in his mouth and took it out. She flashed the torch into his eyes, then away, then back again. Reigen blinked the stars out of his eyes. While Hanegawa worked, she asked him questions.

What have you been eating, have you experienced any pain, how have you been sleeping?

Her questions all rolled together after a while. She moved between Reigen and her computer, typing up the results as she took them, though if there was anything wrong, she didn’t disclose it with Reigen.

Hanegawa grabbed his arm suddenly. Her fingers through the gloves were freezing.

“What are you doing?”

Hanegawa sighed, “A blood test, Mr Reigen. I need to make sure the issue is only the head trauma. These symptoms could reflect a variety of ailments. It’s really nothing to be concerned about. Completely routine.”

Reigen felt a little concerned as Hanegawa motioned for him to roll up his sleeve. He obliged, shoving fabric away from skin with numb fingers. The hair on his arms had raised with goosebumps.

“Tell me about the dreams.” Hanegawa said. She’d spoken in the same monotone she had throughout the appointment so far, but Reigen could tell her interest had been piqued.

“Where to start?” Reigen tapped his fingers against the bed. “They’re all the same. I always wake up in hospital. Not a normal hospital though, it’s completely empty. And it’s way too quiet in there.”

Hanegawa pulled his arm firmly, forcing him to roll his forearm so that she could access the inside of his elbow. She tapped the skin with two fingers, tempting the veins to the surface. “What happens in the hospital?” She asked.

“I try to find a way out. But I keep seeing…well, this is going to sound crazy, but I keep seeing these fish. Koi fish. When I get out of the hospital, the city is the same as this one, the same roads, the same people, the same buildings. But the signs are all wrong. The words, they, uh, melt? And certain things are different.”

“Like what?” Hanegawa asked. “This will pinch.” She added.

Reigen tried to contain his wince as the needle bit through his skin. “Like, my office was there, but it was occupied by another business. And some people were younger than they are here. It’s almost like I’m dreaming of the past, but of things that I would have no way of knowing.”

“Interesting.” She said monotonously. She removed the needle and pressed a swab over the small well of blood. Reigen took over holding it while she transferred the filled needle to the tray.

“That’s one word for it.” He said.

Hanegawa turned away from him. “What about the other bad habits? Strange dreams are one, but you’re starting to miss work, aren’t you?”

Reigen rolled his sleeves down. “Jeez, did Serizawa tell you my life story? Yes, I’ve not been the best with keeping time at the moment.”

“And you’re smoking again. You haven’t done that in years.”

“Uh—“

“It’s not just issues with keeping time, is it? You just don’t want to get out of bed anymore, do you?”

“I don’t see what this has to do with my examination.”

Hanegawa was still turned away from him. Her shoulders were shaking, as though she were laughing, or crying. “But, this is what you do, isn’t it?”

“Sorry, what I do?”

“You allow people to get close to you, enough to want to know more about you. But you don’t want to tell the truth. You don’t want them to find out that the Arataka Reigen they know is a fake, and the real one is nothing but a listless, lonely man.”

Reigen got to his feet. “I’m leaving.” He snapped.

Hanegawa’s head turned without the rest of her body. She stretched out a hand, which seemed to go on forever. Reigen heard the lock slide across the door, but they were both standing on the other side of the room. She was using some form of psychic ability, but whether she was an esper or an evil spirit in possession of the real Hanegawa’s body, Reigen didn’t know.

“You’re growing older, and what do you really have to show for it? A few grey hairs? The same old life?” Hanegawa was still speaking, but her voice was beginning to ripple and echo. It sounded like she was shouting through a vent. “You’re helplessly trapped in a vicious cycle, falling back on old bad habits simply because they fill a hole in your life that is meant for someone else.”

“I don’t listen to advice from evil spirits.” Reigen declared. It was a fifty-fifty chance that he’d correctly identified the entity before him, and from Hanegawa’s inhuman screech, it seemed he was right. He normally loved being right.

Hanegawa struck out a fist and caught Reigen as easily as a fish on a line. Her fingers, turned bony and cold, clamped around his neck. Her skin felt damp.

“The worst part is that you know it can be done. You’ve shown your true self to someone who needed to see it.” Hanegawa’s breath in his face was cold and clammy. “But it’s all too easy to pull away, isn’t it?”

The air in his lungs had been knocked out of him, so he could do nothing but gasp in response.

“The truth is, you’re a normal man. And that scares you, doesn’t it? You’re nothing special. You won’t be remembered by anyone. So why don’t you just move on? It’s pathetic.”

Reigen struggled against the hold on his throat. His fingers scrabbled against Hanegawa’s, but her hold was like iron. “Let me go.” He ground out through gritted teeth.

The words she’d spoken had hurt, but it was nothing he didn’t know already.

Through the tears springing up in the edges of his eyes, he could see bubbles rising to the top of the room like air in water. An orange and white koi fish swam leisurely past Hanegawa’s legs. Its dorsal fin feathered over Reigen’s arms. He’d become almost accustomed to seeing them now. He wondered if the fish would be a constant companion in his life now.

He tried to cough, but the hands clamped around his throat didn’t give him enough space to flex his airway. His chest was beginning to hurt with the strain of blood rushing to the aid of his slowly starving lungs.

“Is this a dream, or reality, Arataka Reigen?” Hanegawa said. Her voice sounded almost normal, but there was a strange rush behind her throat. It sounded like liquid. “Can you even tell anymore?”

Crack.

He heard the dear scarer.

Crack.

There were multiple koi now, a whole school of fish swirling in synchronised patterns around the room. He felt water begin to fill his lungs, freezing and sandy with silt. He tasted copper, and mildew.

Then the door slammed inward.

The hand around his throat loosened, then was ripped away by a rush of energy.

Hanegawa screamed as she slammed against the far wall and dropped onto her table of medical instruments, sending sharp metal objects flying.

Reigen dropped to his hands and knees, desperately filling his lungs with air. He coughed through the pain.

Serizawa was standing with his hand outstretched. His tie, purple today, was twitching wildly under the force of his psychic power. His face was level, almost emotionless, if not for a slight pull of his top lip.

Hanegawa was screaming her lungs hoarse. He had pinned her against the wall and was battering her with his power. She tried to lunge at him, but was sent reeling back against the wall like she was magnetised. He heard her skull impact the wall with a crack.

Now who’s pathetic, Reigen thought triumphantly, but he knew without Serizawa, he would have been choked to death. He’d graduated from Sleeping Beauty to a damsel in distress.

With a last inhuman screech, a dark cloud peeled away from Hanegawa’s body and floated upward. It phased through the ceiling. Hanegawa herself fell forwards without Serizawa’s power holding her upright. Her hairpin clattered to the floor. Her body didn’t move.

“Are you…” Serizawa began to walk towards him.

“I’m fine. Probably could’ve handled that one myself, but I appreciate your help.” Reigen croaked, rubbing his throat. He’d have a bruise, but he could add that to the collection.

Serizawa offered him a hand.

Reigen, feeling like he was living through Groundhog day, gripped Serizawa’s arm and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. “Thanks.”

Serizawa looked over his shoulder at Hanegawa’s inert form. “Should I…”

“Call a doctor for the doctor? Probably best.”

“What did she do?”

“Besides taking my vitals and asking about my symptoms, she went berserk and tried to choke me out like a pro wrestler.”

“It was an evil spirit.” Serizawa said numbly.

Reigen nodded, “It managed to get the jump on me, since I wasn’t expecting it. It won’t happen again.”

Serizawa turned to him. Reigen realised he was still clinging to Serizawa’s arm like a lost puppy. He let go.

“That spirit,” Serizawa said, his face blank like it was sometimes when he didn’t know what to say. “It was the same one I exorcised earlier. The shadowed figure.”

“You must’ve missed a spot.” Reigen said. In truth, he didn’t like the sound of it at all. The shadowed figure had followed him all this way, just to try to kill him? And it seemed to know an awful lot about him. It knew exactly what to say to make him squirm. It knew the truth of him.

“I didn’t.” Serizawa urged, “I hit it square on earlier, there’s no way it could have survived. And right now, I hit it with everything I had, but it just drifted away. It’s like it’s impervious to my attacks.”

Reigen smiled weakly, feeling the need to reassure him. “The next time we encounter it, let me deal with it. I’m sure not even a toenail will remain.”

Serizawa huffed. He seemed frustrated, but he didn’t deem it important enough to air his grievances to Reigen. He ushered Reigen out of the office quickly, shooting suspicious glances over his shoulder at Hanegawa.

“That was…unexpected.” Serizawa said once they were back in the waiting area.

“Yeah. Can’t catch a break, can I?” Reigen laughed nervously.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” Reigen rubbed his throat. “These things happen.”

“Generally, they don’t.”

“Well, maybe not in a cushy office job, but this is business as usual for one such as I. Anyway, are you heading back to Sato Corp now?” Reigen asked conversationally, “I’ll get the subway back home.”

Serizawa shook his head. “No. I’ll make sure you get home. I told the taxi to wait.”

“Uh—“

“You’re going home, Reigen. You need to get some rest. Especially…” Serizawa gestured at the door between them and the doctor they’d just exorcised, “After this.”

Reigen smiled. “Okay, but I’m having a smoke first.”

“Uh—“

“All strong relationships are built on a sacred notion, Serizawa.” Reigen said with grandeur.

Serizawa mumbled, “What is that?”

Reigen spread his hands in front of him. “Compromise.”

Chapter Text

Reflections freezing on the glass door, did you say you’d been here before?

Away I’m dreaming, dreaming away.

Dreaming by Poly Styrene

The next time he woke in the hospital room, he was on his feet before the bleep of the heart rate monitor had a chance to sound out.

IV removed, blanket thrown over his shoulders for the chill, he raced out of the room. He was on a countdown. Every time he’d woken in this place, he’d only been able to roam freely for a few hours before collapsing and waking in the real world. The fact that he was even here at all confirmed Serizawa’s suspicions that either the spirit hadn’t been exorcised, or this place had nothing to do with the spirit at all. Reigen tried not to think about it.

He burst through into the lobby of the hospital and stopped. The next part of his plan involved clothes. He couldn’t roam the streets in his hospital gown any longer. Dream or not, he didn’t want to be detained as an escapee from a mental institution.

After a few moments spent searching around the reception area, he found a door which led back to a cloak room. Intended for the hospital staff, he supposed, but right now it was empty. He found a few vending machines filled with packets of familiar snacks and drinks, except the words on the packaging were melting together. It seemed every instance of text had bled away, in this world. Reigen didn’t mind. He didn’t read much anyway.

At the back of the break room, he found a row of metal lockers. Some were locked with padlocks, and even if Reigen could figure out the codes, he’d have a hard time entering them when the numbers were swirling into illegibility. He found a locker without a padlock and eased the door open.

Inside was a set of blue scrubs, and a battered pair of old sneakers. Bingo, he thought.

It didn’t take him long to step into the scrubs and pull on the sneakers, discarding the hospital gown on a table in the centre of the room. He looked like he was ready for a shift at the hospital, but it wouldn’t attract half as much attention as the gown. And it would work perfectly for the next phase of his plan.

Back out onto the streets, Reigen rubbed his bare arms. A few passersby looked at him with concerned glances, but it was clear it was because they were dressed for winter, and he was walking around in thin scrubs. He smiled reassuringly at them, and they returned his gesture hesitantly.

This time, he followed the streets purposefully. He had a plan. It had come to him when he’d watched Serizawa exorcise the evil spirit within Hanegawa. Reigen may not have had any psychic or spiritual powers, and Mob in this world was too young to help him, but if his theory was correct…there might just be someone who could lend Reigen his power.

Of course, if this dream city was truly lodged in the past, it would mean everyone, even those he trusted, were strangers in this time.

He was lucky that his target happened to live close enough to the city centre. It was simple enough to find the row of apartment buildings he needed, after a short walk.

The buildings looked the same as they did in reality, except perhaps a little less weathered. The trees lining the street had dropped their leaves. Everything looked quite grey.

The sky, too, was dark grey and purple, and bruised. He was overcome once again with the sensation that it was watching him right back. It felt meticulous, less like a casual observer, more like…a security camera. He felt analysed under its glare. He wondered if he was meant to be here. Perhaps it was watching him because he was some kind of intruder.

Reigen slowly paced up the road until he recognised the building he needed. The one with a gnarly looking old maple in the front yard.

He walked up to the front door, and his hand hovered over the buzzers. It took him a few moments of pondering to remember which was the correct apartment number to buzz. He’d been here before, a year or so ago. He felt nervous to be here, even if this was some kind of dream. He buzzed apartment 605.

“Yes?” A woman’s voice crackled through the speaker.

“Hello!” Reigen said.

“Who is it?” The woman, even through static, sounded wary.

Reigen looked down at his clothes. His plan rolled out in front of him. “My name is Arataka Reigen. I wondered if now is a good time for you?”

“I’m not accepting house calls at this time.” She said dismissively. The line went dead.

He buzzed again.

“What?” The woman said, not unkindly, but he could hear frustration filtering into her voice.

“I wondered if you could make an exception for me. You see, I’m a doctor. I’ve been sent to see your son.” He just hoped she was trusting enough to believe him.

“Oh.” The woman’s demeanour changed instantly, “From the hospital?”

“Yes, the hospital.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yes, really!” Reigen said encouragingly.

“They finally sent someone…I’ve been asking for years, but nobody ever takes me seriously.”

Reigen smiled despite himself. He straightened his scrubs. “All that changes today.”

“You’ll help him?” She asked, hopeful. “He’s a good son. He means well.”

“Of course.” Reigen assured her. “I know.” He tried to sound authoritative, which was hard to do wearing someone else clothes and ill-fitting shoes.

He heard the buzz of the door as it was unlocked by a short woman with a kind face. She had dark hair, streaked with grey.

“Please come in. I’ll make some tea.”

Reigen took the walk upstairs to apartment 605 to think about his plan. It was loose and half-baked, but it was the best idea he’d had so far. If he was being terrorised by an evil spirit in his waking life, perhaps it was here, too. And there was only one esper he knew that would be old enough in this dream world to help him.

Though her mouth was stern, her eyes were full of uncertainty. She was scared, or intimidated by Reigen, but she was hopeful. The part of Reigen that worked to manipulate the best out of every situation told him that it was a good thing; she would be easy to convince. He quickly quietened that voice.

The woman looked younger than he remembered, but so did everyone else here.

“Come in and sit down.” She said, gesturing at the table. “I have some tea here. I’m afraid we only have a few snacks to offer you since I wasn’t expecting guests… Do you like umaibo? My son loves them.”

Reigen kicked off his stolen shoes at the door and accepted the colourful packet that she handed him. “Thank you.”

“Not at all. I’m just glad you’re finally here. You see…my son isn’t well. He has these…abilities. Psychic.”

“So I’ve been told.” Reigen nodded, unsure of her choice of phrasing. He’d never heard psychic abilities treated like an ailment.

She sighed, “Then you know that they’re out of control. He needs help.”

“Sure. Is your son here?”

“Dr Reigen, was it?” She motioned for him to sit. He did. She continued, “I’m afraid my son doesn’t do well with strangers, so I’d prefer it if you talked to me instead.”

He leaned back on his chair, sipping the tea she’d poured him. It wasn’t anything special, but he smiled as though it was. “I told a small lie.” He admitted. “I told you I was a doctor. And I am. But a different kind of doctor.”

She tapped her teacup. Her eyes had narrowed. “What kind are you then?”

Reigen rapped the table with his knuckle. “I’m the kind of doctor who knows exactly what your son is going through. You see, I too have psychic abilities.”

“You do?”

Reigen nodded. The lies wrote themselves and slipped off his tongue smooth as butter. If anything, it made him feel more in his element. He always found lies much easier to keep track of than the truth. “He has outbursts, doesn’t he? They can be violent and scary, and sometimes people get hurt. But he has no control over them?”

“Yes…how do you know this?”

“I have taken on many students with the same problems, and my guidance has enabled them to control their psychic abilities. It takes time, but your son is fully capable of becoming a totally functional member of society.”

She twisted a finger through her hair. “I don’t know about that…My son?”

Reigen grinned with what he hoped was dazzling encouragement. “I know he can.”

She sighed. “I didn’t know there was anyone else like him. He was always shunned in school. The other children thought his powers were scary, and I—Well, I tried to help, but I didn’t know what to do. He always seemed happier in his room, so…” Her voice was quivering.

Reigen panicked. “I can help! Just let me speak to your son. Please. I want to help.”

She stared at him for a long moment, chewing her lip. Reigen thought he may just get kicked out, and began formulating the second prong of his plan.

“Okay.” She said at last.

Reigen sprung to his feet. “Great! Tell me which room it is—and no need to worry, you can leave me to it. I am a specialist after all.”

Reigen was shown down the hallway. The total sum of the apartment was three rooms; a kitchen-come-living room and two bedrooms. One door was open, and Reigen could see a neatly made futon with a white floral bedspread, and one door was closed. There was a plastic bag from a convenience store at the foot of the closed door, which upon further inspection, seemed to be filled with empty cup noodles.

Reigen knocked on the door. There was no answer.

He knocked again.

“Leave it outside, please?”

Reigen recognised the voice coming from the other side of the closed door, though it was a touch higher in pitch with obvious youth. Like his mother, he clearly wasn’t expecting guests.

Katsuya Serizawa, ten years in Reigen’s past.

“Hello?” Reigen said, “I’m a doctor. Your mother said I could speak to you.”

There was a pause as Serizawa considered. “No thank you. I’d rather not.”

Reigen rolled his eyes. “Sorry?” He said against the door.

“I said no thank you.” Serizawa called back. It was clear he was only half-listening to Reigen. Something else had most of his attention.

“What? I can’t hear you.” Reigen said, “Did you say I could come in?”

“No!” Serizawa shouted.

“Okay, I’m coming in.” Reigen pulled the door open and stammered at the rush of hot air that met him in the hallway. It smelled stagnant, like old food and sweat. He raised an eyebrow. The Serizawa he knew in the real world smelled like cheap aftershave and fabric softener and rain on asphalt. He just hoped this Serizawa was just as willing to help as the other one was.

Reigen’s eyes took a second to adjust to the darkness of the room inside. The curtains were pulled, blocking out the stormy sky outside. The only light source was a small TV screen on the side of the room. There were few surfaces in the room that weren’t covered in empty wrappers, or discarded clothes, or figurines. Serizawa sat in the middle, his eyes glued to the TV, his hands tapping furiously into a game controller.

Young Serizawa looked much like he did when Reigen first met him, except with fewer whiskers on his chin and the dark circles under his eyes were less egregious. He must’ve been in his early twenties. He was torn between being completely absorbed in his game, and being offended that Reigen had burst into his room.

“I told you not to come in.” He said.

Reigen rolled his shoulders as he crossed the threshold. Even without psychic abilities, Reigen could feel that this room had a bad energy. The fearful man that sat in the centre of it all had given up on his game and tossed the controller at a clothes pile Reigen assumed was his bed. He was staring at Reigen like a cornered animal, and Reigen even felt a little like he’d just entered the cave of a hibernating bear.

“I want you to leave.” Serizawa said firmly. He looked very small in the dark room.

“I’m just here to talk.” Reigen said. “About your powers. And how I can help.”

“My powers?” Serizawa frowned at him.

Reigen took a seat.

“You need my help to exorcise an evil spirit that you think is trapping you in the past.” Young Serizawa said flatly. At this point in time, he was a sheltered young man with uncontrollable psychic abilities, and yet he still found Reigen’s story to be outlandish.

“Only in my dreams.” Reigen specified.

“So which is the dream?” Serizawa asked. He fiddled with his sleeve, the same tic that his Serizawa did when he was thinking.

“I don’t know. When I’m here, this feels real. But when I wake up, I think this must be a dream.”

“I thought you said you were psychic.”

“I am!”

Serizawa’s eyes narrowed, “I don’t sense anything from you. Although…something faint. I felt something very faint when you first walked in.”

“Faint, huh?”

Serizawa reached out. His hanten sleeve trailed in a mug of something on the table in front of him. The power that extended from him felt unfettered, even to Reigen who could barely even sense it at all. A few pieces of trash and dirty plates hovered a few inches into the air. Serizawa’s unfamiliarly youthful face creased with the effort.

Reigen felt the power wash over him. His hair quivered like it was statically charged.

Then it was over. The objects came crashing back down.

“Could you feel anything?” Reigen asked.

Serizawa didn’t answer, but his eyes were wide. His hands clamped over his knees, as though he was afraid he’d start floating away. He took a few steadying breaths in and out. “I felt…uhhh…” He murmured finally.

“What was it?”
Serizawa shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt anything like that before. It was like a shadow. I saw this anime once, with these creatures, and they…” Serizawa looked up and saw Reigen’s face, halfway to panic, and stopped himself. “It’s not important.”

“Okay,” Reigen said. “So the spirit is still here?”

“That didn’t feel like a normal spirit. It felt almost like… An extension of you. And not just that…it felt like it was everywhere. It knew I was looking at it and it didn’t like me looking.”

Reigen shrugged. “Why not try exorcising it? If it’s everywhere like you said, surely you can’t miss. Why not give it a go?”

Serizawa looked at him like he’d just asked him to strip naked and run through the streets. Young Serizawa would probably freak out just at the suggestion to leave this room. “My mother told you, didn’t she? I can’t use my powers like that. They’re wrong, they don’t work, they just want to hurt people. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you just used your powers on me, that was fine!”

“This is different. I’ll have to use a large amount of power, and if I lose control, I could blow up this building. My mother…”

Reigen stood up. He knew he wouldn’t convince him by usual means, it took a terrorist to even convince him to leave this room. Time to force his hand.

Reigen ran at Serizawa very suddenly. Such a flighty man would panic. At least, that was his plan. He leapt into Serizawa’s personal space, fist outstretched as if to punch him. Serizawa’s eyes widened as he realised he was being attacked by this stranger.

Before his fist could meet Reigen, he was thrown back by an invisible force. Serizawa had his hand outstretched. Reigen’s feet left the floor for a second, then he was crumpling to his knees.
“What are you doing!?” Serizawa’s voice squeaked and cracked.

Reigen helped himself up and dusted off his knees. There were chip crumbs where he had landed. “Showing you that it’s fine. You were forced to use your power just then, and you were completely out of control! But everything was fine, right?”

Serizawa looked at his hands like they’d betrayed him.

“All I’m asking is that you give it a go. Try your powers out on me, see if you can exorcise the evil spirit.” Reigen said, “I promise you can’t hurt me. I’m an incredibly powerful psychic master, so your power actually feels like a butterfly’s wings against me.”

Serizawa looked up at him slowly, something dawning on his face. He really did look young, and he was clearly terrified. Reigen wished he’d been there when his Serizawa was this age. But then, Reigen in this time would be in a dead-end job wishing he’d never been born, so perhaps he wouldn’t have had such a penchant for advice as he did now in his thirties.

Reigen stood in front of him and spread his arms. “Go on. Give it a go.”

Serizawa chewed his lip. His hair was mussed with the psychic charge in the room, and a cup next to his hand clattered with a supernatural force. Eventually, Serizawa lifted his hand again.

“Okay,” He said, “I’ll try. But don’t blame me if everything goes wrong. I told you it wasn’t a good idea, I can’t control them. I told you.”

“Serizawa,” Reigen said, “You can do this.”

Reigen really hoped he was right.

Once again, Reigen felt the force of Serizawa’s power hit him. He stood as still as he could as it tumbled over his body, raising the hairs on the back of his neck and sending a chill through him. His heart raced. Maybe this was a stupid plan. He knew what Serizawa had been like before going to work for Claw. He also knew the ridiculous raw power the man possessed. But despite it all, he trusted him, even now.

“I’m not sure this is doing anything.” Reigen said.

Serizawa only grunted in response. His face was taut with fear. His hands shook. A tear welled in his eyes.

Reigen’s heart sunk. He’d forced Serizawa to use his powers, which he feared so much, just for Reigen’s own personal gain. He was awful. He was no better than he’d been to Mob.

Serizawa gasped, and wrapped a hand around his wrist to steady his arm. All the objects in the room, regardless of size or weight, shot a few feet off the floor. That included Reigen.

He yelped, suddenly airborne.

“I can’t do it!” Serizawa said. “I have to stop!”

Something rumbled outside. Perhaps it was the storm, finally breaking.

Reigen steadied himself in the air. “Okay. It’s okay. Just, put me down.”

Serizawa shook his head furiously. “I can’t! If I let go, everything will…”

Reigen thought Serizawa’s power was shaking his body, until he realised the entire room was shaking. A photo hung on the wall which had been fighting to be free of its hanging wire shot across the room and smashed against the ceiling. Serizawa was crying. His tears were floating upwards.

“I don’t know what to do.” Serizawa sobbed.

The sound broke something in Reigen, but there was no time for that. Reigen met his eyes. “It’s okay. Just let go.”

“I’ll hurt you!”

“I trust you not to hurt me.”

Serizawa hiccuped, tears flowing. He was more distraught than Reigen had ever seen him, though he’d seen a few of Serizawa’s episodes before. Which meant he knew that the best way to calm him down was—

Whatever internal battle Serizawa had been fighting, he lost. His scream filled the room.

Reigen was thrown back against the wall, along with the rest of the contents of the room. He heard the shatter of porcelain mugs and glasses and figurines. For a second, he thought the crack of the television hitting the wall above his head was the sound of his spine breaking.

The air had been knocked out of his lungs.

He gasped through the pain.

“I’m sorry!” Serizawa shouted hoarsely. “I’m so sorry!”

Reigen looked up weakly, the muscles in his neck crying out in pain, though the force pushing him back had eased up. “It’s okay. Greatest psychic of the twenty first century here.” He pointed a thumb at his chest with great effort. “I barely felt anything.”

Serizawa shakily lowered his hand. Reigen, plus an array of mugs and other broken detritus, fell to the floor in a pile of trash and rubble. Reigen stayed down for a second. He clawed himself up onto his hands and knees. His hands splayed against the carpet, steadying him. He stared at the floor while he regained his breath.

His vision swam with swirling patterns. Near his pinky finger, swimming through the handle of a broken mug, was another damned koi fish. He reached out to spitefully bat it away, but his hand only displaced its form, like a mirage. He rubbed his eyes. Tired again. He was so sick of being tired.

“Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay.”

Reigen looked up. Serizawa was on his feet, but keeping his distance from Reigen. His face was still wet with panic, but his expression had cleared. He was no longer panicking.

Reigen got to his feet. “I’m fine. I’m, uh…” The woozy feeling had worsened. His knees shuddered under his own weight.

“You’re hurt, aren’t you? I’ve hurt another person. Even in this room, I’ve hurt another person. Even though I never went outside, it happened again.”

Reigen gripped the edge of the couch he’d been sitting on. The fish were swimming nonchalantly through Serizawa’s room, though if he could see them too, he didn’t say anything.

“You didn’t hurt me. I told you, I’m having an issue with fainting.” He slurred. The room moved wildly, like a ship on a rough ocean, but this time Serizawa wasn’t the one moving it. This was purely in Reigen’s head.

Serizawa didn’t seem to have heard him. He was mumbling to himself, “These powers…If only it wasn’t for these powers, if only I was strong enough to control them. People wouldn’t be hurt. I wish I could just disappear.”

“Stop it.” Reigen snapped. He was so rarely moved to anger, but he hated hearing such words from Serizawa. “Don’t talk like that.”

“What?” Serizawa said in a small voice. There was hardly anything of the Serizawa he knew in the man who was left before him.

“You shouldn’t be scared of them. Your powers.” Reigen was rapidly losing vision, like he always did when he lost consciousness. He didn’t have long.

Serizawa was red with frustration, “But they’re dangerous!”

“Maybe. But you shouldn’t use them as an excuse to hide yourself away.”

“It’s not an excuse! I’ll hurt people if I leave this room. Even my own mother curses me. She wishes I was different.”

“You shouldn’t be scared.” Reigen said, forcing himself to sound half-coherent when his tongue was tripping over his teeth. “Because these powers you hate so much are a part of you. Just like your love of Gundam anime and the way you always forget to shave, and your frankly terrible diet. Even your sudden love of handkerchiefs. You don’t find any of that scary, do you?”

Serizawa was frozen, his eyes wide. “How do you…”

Reigen couldn’t wait for his revelation—he was rapidly losing consciousness. “They’re all just a part of you, right?” He said, “These things don’t account for who you are as a person. You can't let them speak for you.”

“You don’t know.. .what it's like.”

“Maybe not.” Reigen admitted. “But, despite everything, I do know that you’ll always try to do the right thing. That’s how I know you’re a good man. And that matters more than anything else.”

Young Serizawa looked at him, mouth agape, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m Reigen. In my time, we’re…friends.”

Serizawa’s expression cleared like clouds rolling away to reveal the sun. “Friends?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Reigen said haltingly.

The world was going dark. Serizawa’s face rippled like it was reflected in the surface of a still lake. “Wake up,” he mouthed.

Reigen smiled. Then he was gone.

What felt like seconds later, though it could have been hours, Reigen gasped awake on the floor of his bedroom at home. In the real world. Or the future.

He got up to his feet quickly—he was getting quite used to finding himself passed out in strange places. With a glance at his unmade bed, sheets pulled onto the floor, he concluded that he’d fallen out of bed while in the throes of the strange dream-land. He couldn’t even remember going to bed. He didn’t remember going home.

The light streaming through the window told him it was early morning.

He was still half-dressed for Spirits and Such. His tie was hanging around his collar, undone. He felt pretty undone himself.

He heard a crash from the kitchen and startled. The crash was followed by a curse under breath, then footsteps getting closer and closer. His bedroom door burst inwards.

Serizawa stood in the threshold, looking sheepish. He jangled a set of keys he held in his left hand.

“You still keep a spare key at Spirits and Such. I let myself in.” He explained. “I was worried I’d find you unconscious again. Tome said I should go and check on you, if I cared so much.” He said the last part with mock quotes.

Reigen fought to find his words, but lost them under the surprise of seeing Serizawa stood in his bedroom. He wasn’t wearing a suit, but instead a soft looking tracksuit with a short-sleeved shirt with an emblem design that was probably from a popular anime.

His shock of waking up had been quelled immediately by the sight of his Serizawa, the one he’d grown to know. The one with unevenly cropped hair, and deep eye bags, and faint lines around his lips and forehead. And of course, he’d forgotten to shave.

Serizawa scrubbed a hand over his arm, giving away his nerves. “Since you’re okay, I suppose I’ll be leaving now—“

“Do you want some breakfast?” Reigen asked.

Chapter Text

All I need is co-ordination
I can't imagine my destination
My intention, ask my opinion
But no excuse
My feelings still remain

Souvenir by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

“Tome closed the office and moved all your clients to next week. Why are you dressed for work?” Serizawa was washing up dishes from their very modest breakfast—it turned out Reigen had barely any food in the fridge. Serizawa didn’t seem to mind toast and left-over tonkostu from the remains of Yoshitori’s payment.

Reigen buttoned his cuffs tightly to his wrists. Beneath his shirt, the skin at the crook of his elbow ached, though he assumed it was just from where the Doctor had taken his blood. “I have an appointment in an hour.” He sipped his tea; Serizawa had prepared himself an instant coffee, and the smell alone reminded him why he didn’t drink coffee.

Serizawa’s nose wrinkled, taking his seat across from Reigen at the kitchen table, “So cancel it. Until we get your test results from the clinic, you should probably stay away from work. It’s dangerous…in your condition.”

Reigen shrugged. “I’m fine. I feel fine.”

“You look…”

“Finish that sentence, Serizawa. I dare you.” Reigen smirked. It was true that Reigen looked like he’d fought a war overnight, but he couldn’t afford to keep missing work. Like Tome said, he wouldn’t have a business left to come back to. “Besides, the client prepaid for this exorcism when she had her consultation. I can’t well cancel now, I’ve already spent the money.”

Serizawa didn’t scold him on his poor spending habits. Serizawa himself spent most of his own earnings on collectable figurines and merchandise from obscure game titles. “Then I’ll go.” He said earnestly.

“Don’t you need to work? What about the promotion?”

Serizawa smiled sheepishly. “I turned it down.”

“What?” Reigen’s mouth fell open. “Why would you…what about work? You’re supposed to be at work!”

“I asked for the week off.”

Reigen groaned and dragged his hand down his face. He’d caused this. “Serizawa, I told you I’m fine. You don’t need to throw everything away on my account!” He leaned over the table and flicked Serizawa’s forehead.

Serizawa batted Reigen’s hand away, “I’m not throwing anything away.” He linked his hands then let his chin rest against the cradle of his fingers. “I’ve just… I’ve been considering the things that make me happy, recently.”

“Oh?” Reigen felt himself leaning in. Something about Serizawa’s soft expression was pulling him in.

It suddenly felt very dangerous, this secret meeting in Reigen’s apartment. He didn't know why, but he wanted it to remain secret, not that he had anyone to tell. But it felt sacred. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had someone over. Surely it had been months.

“Well, not just things that make me happy, but the right thing.” Serizawa was staring at an old coffee ring in the table. “Things that make up for how I wasted the first years of my life. For the burden that I caused to my mother, and for the choices I made once I left that room.” He chuckled, “When President Suzuki convinced me to leave and come with him to join Claw, I saw that as my second chance. From that point onward, I promised I would be a good person. I would do what my boss said, and I would not let him down.”

Reigen sat very still. He’d never heard Serizawa talk in so openly before, and saw the privilege for what it was.

“But, Reigen…” Serizawa looked up, meeting his eyes “It only ever made me happy when I was told by president Suzuki that I was doing the right thing. I still had to be told I was happy. That wasn’t freedom.”

“You’re doing better than ever now.” Reigen reminded him. “I’ll bet your mom couldn’t be prouder.”

“I know. But even now, I sometimes feel like…like I’m just waiting for someone to tell me I’m happy.”

“Aren’t you?”

He shrugged, the movement making his chin bob. “I should be.”

Reigen pushed away from the table. “You’re worrying too much. You’ve been free for a while now, Serizawa. Remember how far you’ve come.”

Serizawa chewed his lip. Reigen checked his watch. He needed to leave now if he was going to make that appointment. He’d have to leave Serizawa to his ruminations.

He got up and crossed the kitchen into the conjoining living room where his tie was slung over the back of the couch where he’d abandoned it the night before. He picked it up and ran his hand down the length of it, the same pink tie he’d been wearing for years. It was nylon, silk imitation. He’d bought his father a similar one for his birthday, when Reigen was in school and they’d still understood each other. He wondered where that tie was now. Like many of Reigen’s gifts, his father had never used it. It was probably buried in a box at his mother’s house.

Reigen shook himself out of the past. No need to reminisce over his failed relationship with his father. It didn’t matter what he’d have thought about Reigen now. He pulled the tie around his collar with a swip! and knotted it with ease.

“I’ve got to run.” Reigen said, tapping his watch in Serizawa’s direction.

“I told you I’d go.”

“It would look pretty stupid if I didn’t turn up to my own appointment.” Reigen said, though that was exactly what he’d done to most of the clients he’d been blowing off all week.

“Hang on.” Serizawa said sharply. He’d leapt up from the table.

“What is it?”

“You—your nose is bleeding again.”

Reigen touched his nose and felt warm blood. “Weird.”

Serizawa’s brow went taught with concern. Reigen tried to wave him away, searching for a tissue. “It’s fine, I’ll just—”

Serizawa pushed Reigen back, a heavy hand on his shoulder, until Reigen obligingly fell back into his chair. Serizawa leaned over him. A stream of blood dripped from the tip of Reigen’s nose. It dropped into his tea. He watched the blood swirl around in the mug, like the paper-thin fin of a fish. He clamped a hand over his nose.

“Here,” Serizawa said. He tilted Reigen’s head up gently. One hand cupped the back of his neck, the other touched his chin gingerly. Reigen felt the muscles in his jaw tense, and hoped Serizawa couldn’t feel it under his fingers.

Serizawa dabbed Reigen’s top lip with a floral smelling handkerchief. Reigen tried to look anywhere but Serizawa’s eyes, and settled for staring at his clavicle and the smooth area of skin above his t-shirt collar.

“I wish I knew why this kept happening to you.” Serizawa’s breath was warm against Reigen’s cheek.

“W-what do you mean? The nosebleeds?” Reigen fought to keep his inner battle out of his voice and only semi-succeeded.

“No. Well, yes…Everything. You haven’t been well.” Serizawa said. “And I’m not so sure it’s the fault of an evil spirit.”

“You think I induced my own nosebleed?”

“No. I think maybe…Well, it doesn’t matter. But I can’t sense a spirit. I haven’t sensed it since we went to the clinic.”

Reigen shrugged, “Then I’m good to go.” He pulled away from Serizawa and swept his bag up from the table. Reigen thought of the dream he’d had of young Serizawa and the attempted exorcism. It had felt just as real as this conversation, but that couldn’t be right, could it? Because this was reality. It had to be.

“Uh, we could go together?” Serizawa’s words burst out like he’d been mulling over them for a while.

“Where?”

“The client.” He said, “If you insist on seeing through this exorcism, and you won’t let me go alone, let’s go together.”

Reigen laughed, “What, like old times? You won’t be getting half the cut, but nice try.”

“I don’t want money. Let me come as your friend.”

Reigen waited for a moment, his bag held loosely in his left hand, the handle of the front door with the other. He waited for Serizawa to back out. Unlike Reigen, who’d straightened out his suit, Serizawa was still wearing casual clothes. He had his own life to get back to, and coming to visit Reigen was just a stop on his journey.

Serizawa said nothing. He was waiting for permission.

“Then,” Reigen said, “I’d appreciate the back-up. As my friend.”

As soon as they arrived, Reigen understood why the client had prepaid for the exorcism.

The woman that answered the door lived in a huge traditional mansion with shoji screens and tatami floors. She lived alone, despite only being in her late forties at the most. Reigen wasn’t sure why he was surprised by this. She just seemed the sociable type, by the way she ushered them both inside with no hint of judgement at Serizawa’s casual state of dress and Reigen’s grovelling sales pitch.

“I’m Kairi Kanshudo. I spoke to your assistant a few weeks ago, I’m so glad you could make it.” She said, bowing deeply. Around her neck was a five yen coin, strung through the silver chain. It dangled as she bowed. Her hair, long and red, fought to spring loose from a claw clip on the back of her head. He wondered if it was dyed, then remembered his own grown-out roots and decided to withdraw his judgements.

Kanshudo showed them through the house. She explained that it had belonged to her parents and been passed down to her after they’d moved further into the city. Seemed a pretty big place to live in alone, but Reigen knew the size of the place didn’t matter. Loneliness could hide in the smallest of rooms.

As she let them through, Reigen realised half of the rooms were no longer in use. Each room was fragrant with incense and neat flower arrangements. Reigen thought it made the whole place look like a funeral parlour, though Serizawa’s eyes were bright and interested as they walked through.

Kanshudo spoke to them over her shoulder as they walked. “As you can see,” She was saying, “I’ve done the best I can to ward away the spirit myself. I read several articles that said burning incense could exorcise the spirit, and they don’t like any sweet smelling things. I try to bake sweets as often as I can.”

Serizawa hung back, gesturing for Reigen to walk on ahead and take the lead.
“And have you found that has reduced the spiritual activity at all?” Reigen asked.

Kanshudo shook her head. “I never even noticed any spiritual activity, until I started…” She coughed into her fist nervously, “Dating.”

Reigen blanched, fighting to recover. This was a subject he had precious little experience on. “Dating?”

Kanshudo nodded, “I never dated when I was younger since I was so focused on my career, but recently I decided to try speed dating.” She smiled nervously, “I prefer to cook my own meals, so I’ve been inviting people back to the house for dinner. I cook, they bring wine, or flowers…It’s a nice date, I think.”

Reigen looked around. He didn’t think it was a good idea to invite strangers around to a mansion, but he was here to offer spiritual advice, not life lessons.

“So your…guests.” Serizawa said, filling the space for Reigen. “Have they noticed any spiritual activity?”

“Yes!” Kanshudo said, suddenly very intense. “Everyone I’ve invited around has left early, complaining that my house is haunted. It’s strange…I haven’t seen anything myself per se, but there’s clearly something here. They say it’s like the house is trying to kill them. That’s absurd, right?”

“Not so,” Reigen said, “Evil spirits can be quite vengeful. Why don’t you show us to the room you’ve found the most activity and we’ll start there?”

“Oh, of course. Follow me!” Kanshudo led them through a sliding door, past the bathroom, and into a large living room.

The smell hit Reigen first; incredibly sweet. There were reed diffusers, incense and car fresheners on each available surface. He thought it was overkill, but if Kanshudo was correct, this evil spirit sounded dangerous. She’d been desperate.

She gestured to the room, “I closed it off after one of the attacks. I was seeing a kind man, he said he owned a large company in the city. He always said he’d buy me all sorts of gifts once we were married.” She sighed, “But halfway through our dinner, he asked to go to the bathroom. When he took too long to return, I searched for him.” She placed a hand over her mouth. “I found him on the floor. He’d been hit over the head with a prop sword.”

“A prop sword?” Reigen almost laughed.

“Yes.” Kanshudo said defensively.

Serizawa, who’d been touching the leaves of a huge flower arrangement in the centre of the room, stepped forward. “Where do you keep the sword?”

“That’s the thing. That sword belonged to my brother. I keep it upstairs in his room. I don’t know how it got downstairs, let alone…”

“Spirits can do things that seem impossible. What’s important is that nobody was killed.” Serizawa said measuredly.

“Not yet, but it’s getting worse! I don’t know what I’ll do if someone gets killed because of me.”

Reigen grinned, “That’s why you hire guys like us!”

Serizawa nodded slowly in agreement. “Miss Kanshudo, we won’t leave until we’re sure you are safe.”

Kanshudo was looking at Serizawa like he was descended from the heavens, which was quite a feat when he’d left Reigen’s apartment that morning wearing a shirt he’d slept in and rumpled sweatpants.

“You really think you can help?”

“Of course we can.” Reigen nodded assuredly, “Well, I think that about covers our interview. Now, if you’d like to leave us to it, we’ll have a look around. We’ll be able to sense any traces of spiritual energy.”

Kanshudo bowed again, and left the room. Reigen waited until she’d padded down the hallway, then turned back to Serizawa.

“So what do you think?”

Serizawa was frowning. “I don’t feel anything in this room…but…”

Reigen swept away a bunch of flowers on a cupboard in the corner. He’d spotted something shiny behind them while they’d been speaking with Kanshudo, but couldn’t be certain until he’d seen it.

“But?” Reigen prompted absently.

Serizawa hummed, “I’m interested in that sword.”

“Yes. Me too.”

There were a few ornate frames containing photos of Kanshudo and her family neatly placed on the cupboard. Despite being among the flowers and incense, the frames weren’t dusty, meaning Kanshudo cared for them.

In the photos, he spotted Kanshudo easily for her red hair, though she was much younger in the photo. Then the older man and woman were clearly her parents. There was also a young boy standing next to Kanshudo. He was grinning, both thumbs up. He had dark hair, and didn't look much like Kanshudo, but Reigen could tell they were related from the way both of their eyes creased in the same places. The boy and Kanshudo seemed to be around the same age in the photographs.

He flipped the photo.

On the back was an inscription: Happy fourteenth birthday to Kairi and Mamoru!

Reigen picked up another photo, this one just of Kanshudo and the boy. The boy had his arm flung around her shoulders, and she was shooting him a grumpy glare. It reminded Reigen of how he used to be with Kimi, his own sister.

He flipped the photo, but there was no inscription. Kanshudo had said she had a brother, and this appeared to be him. There didn’t seem to be any recent photos of the family though, so perhaps they’d fallen out. He placed the photo back.

He wondered if he was dreaming. He looked around for the fish that seemed to haunt both his dreams and waking life, but nothing else was out of the ordinary.

“How are you feeling?” Serizawa asked.

“Hm? Fine, why?” Reigen turned.

Serizawa was suddenly very close. His hand was outstretched to Reigen, a few inches from grasping his arm.

“Because I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes. What were you looking at?”

Reigen frowned, and looked back to the photo. It hadn’t felt like minutes. Was he still losing time?

“The photos.” Reigen said dumbly.

“Did you find anything?” Serizawa asked.

“I’m not sure yet.” He admitted, “But we should keep looking.”

“Do you think it’s an evil spirit?”

Reigen held Serizawa’s gaze. “Can you feel anything?”

Serizawa halted for a moment, and Reigen was scared he’d ask ‘Can you?’, but he didn’t. “Not yet.” He said. “But something is off here, and it’s not just the clashing air fresheners.”

Reigen swiped his nose with a knuckle, “Yeah, they’re giving me a headache. I don’t know how ol Kanshudo lives like this.”

Serizawa smiled sagely, “It’s funny what people can tolerate when they feel it’s life and death.”

Reigen paused.

“If this gives her peace of mind,” Serizawa gestured at the inordinate amount of floral smelling ephemera. “Then who are we to judge?”

“No judgement here.”

They shuffled around the room for a few more moments, moving furniture and ornaments to see if Serizawa felt any change in the atmosphere. When they’d exhausted the room, Reigen turned to the door.

“Let’s go look at that sword.” Reigen said. “She said she keeps it upstairs in her brother’s room. I reckon that’s got to have something to do with all this.”

Serizawa nodded.

Reigen let Serizawa lead the way upstairs as he’d insisted he should be the one to enter rooms first, since they weren’t sure what they were dealing with yet. He supposed it was a wise decision to follow the one of them that actually possessed the means to sense the spirit, but it still hurt his pride. He distracted himself by watching Serizawa’s ascent.

It was true that he felt a lot safer knowing Serizawa was here, especially following his last few encounters with evil spirits, though he did wonder at what point he’d become so dependent.

They made it to the upstairs hallway without being attacked, so Serizawa allowed Reigen to lead the way with caution.

With a few false starts into rooms that were clearly disused and a large family bathroom, Reigen found a half-empty room with a dark blue futon folded over on the floor. It smelt untouched, but everything was very clean and polished.

“There’s the sword.” Reigen said, gesturing to the katana which was placed carefully in a wooden stand on the windowsill. “This must be his room.”

There was a set of boy’s clothes folded over a desk chair in the corner of the room. A neatly folded shirt had a design from an old action movie Reigen remembered from his childhood. He touched the fabric. It felt soft and worn, but unwashed. It smelt like mildew.

Serizawa made a beeline for the katana.
“Do you think he still visits? The futon seems freshly made up.” Serizawa said.

“Hm, maybe.” Reigen said. He had a strange feeling about the photograph downstairs. He felt like he’d missed something.

“I’m only sensing something faint from the sword. Likely some left over energy from when it was used to attack that guy Kanshudo invited over. It’s not enough to be the spirit itself.”

Reigen nodded, as if this was obvious. “The spirit must’ve used it, but it isn’t here anymore. Maybe it’s hiding somewhere else…”

“What are you doing in here?’ Kanshudo was standing in the doorway, her hands in fists at her sides.

Serizawa raised his hands like he was being arrested. “Miss Kanshudo—“

“This room is off limits.” She said sternly.

While Serizawa backed up, Reigen rushed forward, onto damage control.

“Apologies Miss Kanshudo, an honest mistake on our part. We were in search of the sword to ensure it didn’t have any left-over malignancy, you see? Wouldn’t want you to get hurt the next time you happen to touch it.”

Kanshudo watched him for a moment, processing his words. Then, as Reigen had intended, she shook her head at her own outburst, though they both knew it had been perfectly warranted. “I’m sorry.” She said, “I don’t mean to be so harsh, but no one is allowed in here, not even my parents.”

Kanshudo was rolling the five yen around her necklace, likely a nervous tic. Reigen watched her closely.

“I apologise.” Serizawa said. “It was my suggestion”

Reigen knew it hadn’t been, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Well, that’s—“

“Miss Kanshudo,” Reigen said.

She looked up at him. Her eyes were red and bloodshot. It looked as though she may cry.

“Does your brother stay here often?” He asked.

She clasped her hands around the coin necklace. “Please resume your investigation downstairs, gentlemen. I can assure you, none of my guests would have entered this room.”

“Of course. Apologies for our rudeness.” Reigen nodded respectfully. “Come on Serizawa.”

They walked back to the living room in silence. Reigen heard Kanshudo close the door to her brother’s room with a slam.

He winced. At least she’d paid in advance. However pissed off she was, she couldn’t withhold his pay.

“What now?” Serizawa said once they were back in the flowery room.

Reigen walked back to the cupboard and picked up the photograph he’d lost himself to earlier. “Look at this.” He said.

Serizawa placed his hand around the frame, but Reigen didn’t let go. It resulted in a strange tangle of fingers which meant they were essentially holding hands around the frame. Reigen withdrew, laughing through the tension. Serizawa didn’t seem to notice.

“Kanshudo’s brother?” He gestured at the photo.

Reigen nodded. He pointed at the boy’s wrist. Serizawa brought the photo closer to his face. The boy was wearing a woven leather bracelet, through which a five yen coin was strung.

“Does that look familiar to you?” He asked.

Serizawa tapped the glass of the photo frame. “Kanshudo was wearing a five yen coin around her neck… Do you think it’s the same one?”

“I’ll bet it is. She didn’t want us in that room either.”

Serizawa sighed, “We really upset her. It won’t be a very successful first mission back together if we get kicked out by the client.”

Reigen waved his hand. “She’s fine. Sometimes in order to help people, you have to upset them a little first. That is, if you know what you’re doing is for their own good.”

Serizawa looked at him with a strange expression. It took Reigen a moment to realise it was smugness. It was a rare expression for Serizawa.

“That doesn’t seem…ironic for you to say?” Serizawa asked innocently.

Reigen smacked Serizawa’s side. “Shut up.” He cleared his throat, “Anyway, when I asked Kanshudo if her brother visited often, she went quiet. And yet, she keeps his room pristine and off-limits. The clothes over the chair were children’s size, and this photo of the Kanshudo’s was taken years ago. I couldn’t find any recent ones.”

Serizawa looked distant as he processed the onslaught of information. “…What do you think?”

“I think Kanshudo’s brother is dead. I think he’s probably been dead for a while, considering their ages in these photos.”

“Then…” Serizawa’s eyes widened with realisation. “The evil spirit…the haunting…?”

Reigen nodded. “I think so. He’s the evil spirit. And I think he’s hiding in that coin. It clearly belonged to him before he died.”

“Then we need to get to that coin.”

“Okay.” Serizawa said resolutely.

Reigen heard a crash. He spun around, and his reflexes forced him to duck just in time for a vase of flowers to come careening past his head and smashed into the wall behind him.

“I think it knows we’re here.” Serizawa said. He threw his arm out and stopped another vase before it could reach them. He flexed his fingers, and his telekinesis forced the vase to fly to the opposite side of the room and smash harmlessly into the wall.

Reigen turned tail and ran into the hallway, dodging multiple ornaments that were hurled at him as he retreated. Serizawa followed, throwing up his shield and deflecting the attacks.

“What now? I can’t exorcise it like this, it’s linked to that coin!” Serizawa shouted over the sound of breaking glass. An incense burner flew over his head and punched a hole through a screen door.

“You hold it back as best as you can. I’ll find Kanshudo!”

Serizawa nodded, accepting his orders.

Reigen took the stairs two at a time. He had a feeling Kanshudo hadn’t gone far from where they’d left her.

As he ran upstairs, a painting of a cherry tree dislodged itself from the wall and hurled itself at Reigen’s head. This time, he didn’t have the foresight or time to duck. It hit him in his hairline, leaving his skull ringing. He heard Serizawa downstairs grunting with exertion to keep the attack contained. He felt a rivulet of hot blood roll down his forehead. In the corners of his eyes, he saw the elegantly twisting koi fish that had been haunting his dreams. He rubbed his eyes and pulled himself up the last step. There’d be plenty of time for that later.

“Kanshudo?” He shouted out.

She emerged from her brother’s room. Her cheeks were wet with tears. “What’s happening down there?”

Reigen spared no feelings, and he wasn’t about to start now. “Your brother is the one haunting this house. He’s going berserk down there!”

She stumbled backwards and hit the wall. “What? My brother—he died years ago! Why would he only start now?”

“I don’t know.” Reigen admitted.

“He wouldn’t want to hurt anybody!” Kanshudo said, “He was a gentle boy, he wouldn’t do this.”

“Evil spirits lose sight of who they once were. You can’t apply our logic to them”

Kanshudo winced as something else smashed downstairs. Reigen couldn’t let Serizawa fight alone for much longer, not when all he could do was hold the spirit back. Eventually, he’d have to give out.

“If you want this to stop, I need the coin.” Reigen said.

Kanshudo stared at him like he was insane, though with his bloody face and mussed hair, he probably looked insane.

“The coin?” She looked down at her neck, touching the edge of the necklace gingerly. “This coin?”

“Yes. It’s your brother’s, isn’t it?”

She shook her head. “It’s mine.”

“What?” Reigen demanded. His voice had come out sounding frayed.

Kanshudo’s hands shook. “W-we both got given our own lucky five yen coins by our parents when we took our entrance exams in middle school. His was on a leather bracelet.”

Reigen scrubbed a hand over his face. “Where is your brother’s coin? It’s really important—we think he’s using it to channel his power. If we can exorcise the coin, it’ll get rid of him.”

Kanshudo looked torn, and Reigen understood. But they needed to stop him before someone else got hurt.

“I keep it in a photo frame downstairs. It’s taped to the back of the photo.” She stammered.

He nodded. “I’ll find it. This will be over soon.”

“Wait!” She grabbed his arm.

He stopped, frowning down at her fingers curled into his sleeve.

“I don’t want him to go.” She said, “Not if he’s been watching over me this whole time.”

“I’m sorry, but you have to. This isn’t life for him. He’s trapped here. It wouldn’t be the end you think it is.” Reigen urged, “You have to let him go.”

“So what happens to him? He disappears?”

“It’s better than limbo, trust me. You don’t want him to go any crazier than he has already.”

“I…”

“It’s okay.” He tried to be reassuring, like Serizawa would be. “No matter what, he loves you. He’d trust you to do the right thing.”

She looked at him with watery eyes. It took another few moments, but she eventually sighed. “Okay. Okay, I understand.” She clutched her necklace, tears in her eyes. “But…could you do me a favour?”

He paused. “Yes?”

“You’re psychic, right? You can speak to him?” She took a shuddering breath, “Can you tell him I’m sorry? And I miss him.”

“Of course.” Reigen searched for words of comfort, but came up short. Instead, he said, “It feels wrong, but I promise, you’re doing the right thing.”

She sobbed. Her hand rested flat against her brother’s bedroom door. “How do I know it’s the right thing?”

“It’s a hard decision, right?”

“I’m letting him go. It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever made.”

“That’s how you know.”

Reigen tossed the coin to Serizawa, who caught it neatly without taking his eyes off of the barricade he was holding up. There was a wall of objects pressed against his invisible barrier, all fighting to get through.

Reigen carefully returned the photo frame to the cupboard, amongst the rest of the family photos.

“This is it?” Serizawa asked, holding the coin to his face.

“Yes.” Reigen said.

“Alright.” Serizawa said sternly. He turned to the wall of objects struggling to hurl themselves at both men, where the spirit was most likely on the other side.

Reigen laid a hand on Serizawa’s arm. “Wait, I need to tell him something, before you exorcise it.”
Serizawa looked at him strangely, but he nodded. “Go ahead. But hurry, I can’t hold it back for much longer.”

Reigen turned to the room. He wasn’t sure where he was looking, or where to direct his speech, but he figured it was somewhere on the other side of Serizawa’s barrier. He steeled himself.

“Mamoru Kanshudo?” He said. “I have a message from your sister. If you’d kindly stop attacking us.”

The ornaments rattled as they strained to get through the barrier.

“Okay, well I can keep the message from your beloved sister to myself if you refuse to cooperate. I know you’re not truly an evil spirit, you’re just angry. I understand. You want to protect her.”

Serizawa was staring at Reigen like he’d started speaking another language.

“So I’ll give you one more chance. If you want to talk, you have to stop trying to kill us. We’re not like the other men who have come here.”

Reigen waited. After a few moments, the pots and vases and ornaments that had gathered against the barrier all dropped at once. Several items smashed, but Reigen thought they’d already broken a few eggs, so what was a few more?

Serizawa lowered his hand and dropped the barrier, looking bewildered.

“Thank you.” He said.

“Reigen, what are you…?”

Reigen ignored him. “Mamoru, your sister wants you to know that she’s sorry. And she misses you very much.”

His words emptied into the hollow room. He had no indication of a reply. But Serizawa suddenly looked very intense.

“She’s proud of you, you know?” Reigen continued, unsure if his words were reaching but needing to say them anyway. “She’s your big sister and she always will be. And I can tell, you’ll never be forgotten. Never.”

Serizawa stepped forward, gripping the coin in his fist. His head was cocked slightly. He seemed to be listening. “You did protect her…but she’s okay now. She’s safe.”

Reigen held his breath while Serizawa listened for the reply.

“I understand. But you need to rest now.” Serizawa said.

He held out his hand and touched what Reigen understood to be the spirit, though to him it looked at though Serizawa was giving the open air a very strange high-five. Reigen felt a huge displacement of energy, like his soul was standing next to a jet engine. It dragged the scent of flowers along with it.

“What’s happening?” Reigen asked, unable to stop himself.

Luckily, Serizawa didn’t question him. Instead, he bowed deeply. When he came back up again, There were shining tears in his eyes. Serizawa swiped them away.

“It’s gone?” Reigen asked.

Serizawa nodded. “He didn’t want to go. He said he was protecting his sister from those people who had bad intentions for her. But he accepted that she’ll be safe without him from now on.” His voice cracked and wavered. His hand gripped the hem of his shirt.

“Are you okay?” Reigen asked. He placed a careful hand over Serizawa’s, easing it away from worrying at his shirt. Serizawa turned his hand so that Reigen’s smaller hand was wrapped up in his palm.

Serizawa smiled, his eyes still red and watery. “Why did I ever stop doing this?”

Chapter Text

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.

I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

How Soon Is Now by The Smiths

Reigen snuffed out his cigarette and threw the smouldering end out the window before it burned his fingertips.

He was at a small bar in the downtown area, surrounded by drunken businessmen. He’d been waiting for a while. He checked his watch again. It was almost midnight.

Not that he was looking forward to attempting to sleep that night, but he was exhausted. He hoped it wouldn’t be much longer.

He sighed, pulling the pack of cigarettes from his top pocket. He wouldn’t last if he sat and drank while he waited, so chain-smoking was the next best thing. He flipped his phone open and checked his messages. Nothing. He lit another cigarette.

The smoke curled up. It reminded him of how the koi fish moved in his dreams, which reminded him that he hadn’t returned to the strange dream world since he’d visited Young Serizawa in the dream-past. He wondered if it had truly been a series of hallucinations from his concussion, or the work of an evil spirit that had since moved on, but decided that as long as it was no longer bothering him, it didn’t matter.

“Sorry I’m late!”

Reigen turned in his barstool. When he saw who it was, he lobbed his cigarette out the window.

“I tried to leave earlier.” Serizawa said.

“It’s okay! I figured you’d been held up at work.”

The full heft of Serizawa settled into the seat next to him. “Well, sort of…” His tie was slung over his shoulder, like a breeze had blown it up there and he hadn’t yet corrected it. His shirt was miss-buttoned. Reigen wondered if he’d got ready in a rush that morning.

Serizawa ordered a half pint of beer. Reigen ordered something single-shot with apple in it. They fell into comfortable silence while they drank. A drunken man at the bar whooped and sent a dish of  nuts flying. His tie was looped around his head.

“How was work?” Reigen asked, at the same time as Serizawa asked, “How are you feeling?”

Serizawa went first. “My boss was disappointed that I’d taken so much time away, so I took on some extra hours. I have a paper due at the end of the week, so…It’s not what I’m used to, but I’m doing my best.”

Reigen nodded. “I’m glad they gave you another chance. We can’t have you losing your job over me!”

Serizawa’s lip twisted. His hands traced circles onto his knees. “What about you? How is your passing out problem? You look much better.”

“Totally gone! Must’ve been the concussion, which looks like it’s cleared up now. So I’m good as new.”

“What about the results from your examination?” Serizawa asked. His face was so earnest. He wanted everything to be okay.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that. They’ll be all clear. I told you, I feel fine.” Reigen said.

“Well, you’ve been telling me that all week, but you clearly weren’t fine.”

“I’m telling the truth this time.” Reigen grinned. He took another sip of his apple drink. “Seriously.”

Serizawa smirked, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Reigen and Serizawa drank slowly. Neither of them were particularly good at drinking. Reigen’s body held alcohol like a sieve and though Serizawa had a high tolerance due to his sheer size, he complained that it made him feel out of control if he had too much.

“I have…” Serizawa spoke softly, so his voice was almost lost to the buzzing atmosphere of the bar. “I have something to tell you?”

Reigen twisted his hand on his wrist. “Go ahead, big guy.”

Serizawa didn’t go ahead. He nibbled his lip and stared at the bar. He looked like a sulking child waiting to be punished.

Reigen waited. He knew forcing Serizawa to do anything was like pushing a bolder up a hill, and they’d both worked hard on Serizawa’s communication skills. He was patient.

“Uh…” Serizawa hummed. Then he straightened, his courage returning to him. “Reigen, I made a big decision today.”

“Right?”

“And I think it’ll make you happy. I think it’ll make both of us happy.”

Reigen frowned. His mind raced through the possibilities, but he kept his poker face.

“Well—“

Then Reigen’s phone began to trill.

“I’ll hang up, sorry. Keep going.” Reigen said, retrieving his phone from his pocket. He flipped it open to decline the call, then noted the caller ID. “Oh. It’s the clinic.”

“Take it.” Serizawa urged. His prior stilted nervousness had disappeared.

He waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, I’m sure it’s fine. You were going to tell me something?”

“It can wait.” Serizawa said. He motioned at Reigen’s phone, “That’s more important.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

Reigen shrugged. “If you say so. Excuse me.” He stood.

Serizawa gestured for him to go ahead. Reigen rushed outside the bar and stood underneath the awning, just out of the reach of the rain. He accepted the call and held his phone to his ear.

“Is this a… Mister Arataka Reigen?” A young woman asked on the other end of the line before Reigen could get a word out.

“That’s right.”

“How are you?”

Reigen paused before answering. He was good. He thought. “I’m good.” He reinforced out loud.

“Oh, good.”

“What is this about?”

“Apologies. We don’t usually have to…I have your test results here.” She said. There was a pause. “I would recommend that you…Can you come down to the clinic tomorrow morning?”

Reigen chuckled. “Just give em to me over the phone right now. I bet you’ve just got them on a sheet of paper in front of you, right? I don’t have long, I’ve got someone waiting.”

“Okay. If that is what is…convenient for you, sir.”

“It is.”

The woman paused again. “Mr Reigen, I’d recommend taking a seat for the moment. Can you do that?”

“What?”

“Can you take a seat?” She repeated, her voice slow and calming.

Reigen looked around. There was an empty bar stool which had migrated from inside the bar, most likely by a drunken patron. It looked terribly lonely to be out here, separated from its friends in the bar.

“Uh, yeah. What difference does it make?”

The woman on the phone did not relent. “Let me know when you’re sitting.”

Reigen took a seat on the abandoned bar stool. When he put his weight on it, he realised why it was outside. One of the legs was loose, so he couldn’t rest entirely on it. He ended up half-propping himself against the wall.

“I’m sitting.” He said. “Kind of.” He could see the reflection of the neon sign of the bar in the rain-soaked pavement.

“Great.” The woman reassured him. “Sir, are you aware of your family’s medical history?”

Reigen chewed his lip, a habit he assumed he’d picked up from Serizawa. “Yep. Well, to an extent. I know the normal amount of family history.”

“Mr Reigen, your father had a very serious condition.”

“The mystery tumour.” Reigen confirmed. “Yeah, happens to the best of us.”

The woman paused and he heard the flick of paper in the background. “Yes, a malignant brain tumour, which sadly took his life prematurely. The cause was never determined.”

“Uh huh, I was there.” Reigen said sharply. His nerves, already frayed, felt raw. The sinking dread in his gut had come to a conclusion he was sure the woman on the phone would force him to arrive at. For now, it wasn’t a certainty. 

Then she said, “Mr Reigen, your test results indicate a serious trauma to the brain.”

“I had a concussion. That’s the whole reason I went for the damn check-up anyway.”

“Your concussion was noted as very light at the time of examination. Some faint bruising, slight cognitive delay. It was healing. These results indicate that while the concussion may have caused you to notice your symptoms, it couldn’t have caused these results.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I—You know, usually we’d do this in the clinic.” The woman’s sigh rattled over the phone. “Your results were very concerning.”

“What? You think there’s something wrong with me?” Reigen said. His hands gripped his phone tight enough to hurt.

“Well, normally I’d leave this for a specialist to explain, but I want you to understand the severity of your situation. Brain tumours can be hereditary, and your results reflect your father's own diagnosis. Your pupil response was minimal, almost nonexistent. Uh, reflexes were delayed.” She was speaking as though she was reading from a list, “The blood test registered an unusually high level of hormones, which would not have been caused by a concussion. You also told Dr Hanegawa that you were experiencing hallucinations, loss of time, and a disconnect from reality. These are things your father complained of in his own tests. Do you remember?”

“You can’t seriously think—Hanegawa was possessed! Surely you’re not taking her word for it.”

The line went silent. “Dr Hanegawa did say she experienced some difficulty when examining you, but her notes were…mostly intact. There is a real cause for concern here. Now, this isn’t definitive, so further tests will be necessary. If required, I can book in an appointment where we can run through the results. I can also suggest some next steps to ensure the best possible chance for you to…”

Reigen tuned her out. His body felt like lead.

“Chance?” Reigen said, “Am I down to chances already? This is…I feel fine. I don’t understand.” He stared at the rain as it sent ripples across the puddles on the streets. A pair of businesswomen walked past, arms linked. They spoke secretively, necks arched into each other. One of them looked up at Reigen, then quickly away.

“You may feel fine now,” The woman continued, “but symptoms can come and go. Good days quickly turn to bad days. We will refer your treatment to a specialist, who can explain this in further detail. The first step will be a scan to confirm—“

“I’m not going for a damn scan! There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“I can’t force you to do anything, Mr Reigen.” The woman sounded slightly frustrated, but sympathetic. “However, it is recommended to get checked out as soon as possible. Normally, we wouldn’t be so concerned, but considering your family history…”

“All you did was take a few tests. How can you be so sure?” Reigen hated how small his voice sounded. He felt like a child, encumbered with the aching body of a man in his early thirties.

There was another pause. The woman took on a strange tone when she spoke again. “How can you be so sure this is real?”

“What?” Reigen snapped.

“Sir?”

“What did you just say?”

“…I didn’t say anything.” The woman said uncertainly. “Now, as I was saying, there are several plans that—“

Reigen hung up.

He ran a hand through his hair, then balled it into a fist, gripping the hair that caught between his fingers. His scalp was hot. He could almost feel the poison seeping through. As if it had heard the conversation, or perhaps simply some ill-spirited irony, his head bloomed into a tension headache.

He got up and kicked the stool down into the rain soaked street. It tumbled into a black trash bag. The loose leg finally gave up and detached, rolling away and coming to a rest in the middle of the street.

“Hey.”

Reigen spun sharply on his heel, ready to fight off a drunken idiot. He stopped. Floating in the alleyway, looking down at the broken stool Reigen had tossed, was Dimple.

He looked up at the awning above him and imagined he was shooting a dirty glare up at whoever decided his fate. Because fate had tossed him just about the last person he’d turn to for comfort after being told in slightly uncertain terms that he was most likely going to go out the same way as his old man.

“You look like…actually, you look worse than shit. At least shit has some colour.” Dimple said.

“Yeah.” Reigen said absently.

“Well, don’t sound too happy to see me! It’s not like I’ve been gone for months or anything?”

“You’ve been with Mob?”

Dimple floated over, right in front of his face so that Reigen was forced to look at him. Reigen flapped a hand through Dimple’s form, dispersing him like a cloud of cigarette smoke. That reminded him…He fished out his pack and tapped a cigarette into his palm. If the doctor was right and he really was on borrowed time, he might as well enjoy a smoke while he could.

“With Mob, or Teru, or Ritsu. Sometimes the others. I’ve been around.”

“Mmmhhm.” Reigen blew smoke at him.

“Yeah, that was worth it.” Dimple said sarcastically.

“Sorry I’m not jumping for joy at meeting an annoying talking fart in a back alley.” Reigen spat.

“What’s got you so pissed off them? Haven’t seen you this depressed since Serizawa joined up at that bigwig company in the city.”

Reigen smiled bitterly. “You really know how to cut straight to the heart of the matter, huh? Don’t try to spare my feelings or anything.”

Dimple threw up his hands, which was his version of a shrug. “It’s kinda fun to see you break down, since you keep that superiority complex up most of the time. I’m thinking maybe I’ll stick around and see if you finally snap. But hey, you really showed that chair who’s boss.”

Reigen backed up until he hit the wall, then slid down until he was crouching next to the door to the bar. He let his head drop into his knees.

“Woah, this is rare.” Dimple huffed. “What, not gonna whip back with some snarky remark? I thought you built a whole business on that.”

“I’m not really in the mood to hold a conversation with the floating remains of a shitty cult leader.”

“Alright. What’s up?” Dimple’s voice was closer this time, so he must’ve floated down to Reigen’s level.

Reigen looked up, “Like I’m going to tell you.”

“Why? Is it embarrassing?”

“If I tell you, it’ll get back to Mob and the others. Don’t make that face, you can’t keep anything to yourself, not even your annoying afterlife. I don't want him to worry.” Reigen didn't know what he was thinking. He’d spent years teaching the kid to open up, to be himself. He was refusing to take his own advice. But this was different.

Dimple snorted, “That kid worries about everyone, all the time. He’s grown up a lot. Whatever it is, he can handle it.”

Reigen pressed his lips together. “No. Not this.”

“What, are you dying or something?” Dimple laughed, clutching his pseudo belly. The tail on the top of his head flared up.

Reigen chewed his lip. He took another puff of his cigarette and swallowed the smoke. It burned the back of his throat. His father had smoked too. Maybe that’s what had done him in. Now, even surrounded by astounding people, Reigen’s life would end as mundane as it had begun. Same as his father.

“Hmm, wouldn’t that be a bitch?” Reigen sighed, tapping ash into the soaked asphalt.

“Hey, wait…” Dimple hovered closer, then away. Pacing in thought. “You’re serious?”

Reigen groaned. “This is why nobody confesses in you, fart cloud. You can’t keep your nose out of other people’s business.”

“What the hell, Reigen?” Dimple said, his face still for once. “You seriously think you’re gonna bite the dust?”

Reigen shrugged. “Well, the doctors seem to think so. Apparently my tests looked like my dad’s. And he died in a pretty gnarly way. Seems I’ll be heading his way. I mean, eventually. But if it’s what they think it is, I’m not going to be reaching retirement age.”

Dimple’s eyes widened. “Ya know, I was just teasing. But…You’re sure?”

“Won’t be sure until I get scanned,” He tapped his head, “But seems pretty damn likely.” Reigen wondered if he could just lay down with the trash and forget everything.

“You never told me about your father.” Dimple said, eyebrow arched.

Reigen scoffed. “I wonder why.”

Dimple dispersed, then reappeared closer to Reigen’s face. “So, what? You’re just gonna lay down and take it?”

“I—” He was going to reply with some biting comment, but then he remembered. And he remembered something very important. “Serizawa is still waiting inside!” He jumped up to his feet with a vigour he’d retrieved from the thought of Serizawa nervously awaiting his return. “I should go.”

“Serizawa’s in there?” Dimple said, “Does he know?”

“No! You know, I found out about five minutes ago. Trust you to be the first to weasel it out of me.” Reigen said, not disguising the venom in his voice.

Strangely, Dimple didn’t move. He floated soberly, his arms at his side. “If it’s true…Man, I can’t imagine you dying just cause of some illness. That seems so…”

“Normal?” Reigen supplied, “We only get to chose how we live, not how we die.”

“So dramatic…” Dimple rolled his eyes, “Death ain’t the end, ya know?”

Reigen laughed bitterly, “I knew you wouldn’t get it.”

“Actually, as your only dead friend, I think I do get it. And I may not remember much of my first life, but I know it sucks to die. You don’t have to do it alone.”

“You make it sound like I’m going to give up the ghost tomorrow.”

Dimple remained serious. “You should tell him, at least. Serizawa. You can’t shelter him forever.”

Reigen frowned. He didn’t shelter Serizawa. If anything, he exposed him too much. They both could have died at Kanshudo’s mansion. They both could have died a lot of times, but he kept pushing them both into dangerous situations.

“I’ll tell him once I know for sure.” Reigen muttered.

“I’ll leave ya to it. But hey, don’t be a stranger. Or do. We might meet again soon enough.” Dimple surged upwards and phased straight through the awning.

Reigen stared for a moment. He wondered if the conversation had helped, but came up short. He didn’t know how he felt. One thing was certain. He wasn’t telling Serizawa. Not right now.

He smoothed his tie against his chest and walked back into the bar.

His laptop screen blurred as he stared at the wall of text with detachment.

Reigen was typing up his blog entry about the successful exorcism at Kanshudo’s mansion.

He had omitted Serizawa from the story, not because he wanted to take all the credit, but because Serizawa wasn't even supposed to be there. And Reigen wasn’t supposed to be dragging Serizawa back into the black hole of Spirits and Such. Especially not now, when it had no future. He groaned. Dimple was right; he really was dramatic.

He finished typing up the entry and signed it off with ‘Another great success for the greatest psychic of the 21st century!’ but remembering his conversation with Kanshudo, it didn’t feel like much of a great success. Kanshudo had been understandably upset when they’d left her. In fact, she’d been inconsolable, though Serizawa had tried his best. Kanshudo had since been in contact with Tome to thank Reigen profusely. She finally felt like she could move on with her life.

It should have made Reigen happy to hear, but it had only made him pensive. When he died, would he become like Kanshudo’s brother? Would he forget who he was? Would he haunt Serizawa and keep holding him back as he had in life?

“Are you gonna post that, or keep staring at it like a kicked puppy?”

Reigen looked up. Tome was standing behind him, slightly stooped as she read over his shoulder. He clicked ‘post’ and shut his laptop lid a little harder than necessary.

“How long have you been there? You shouldn’t really be peeking at a man’s laptop screen without him knowing. You’re lucky it was just work.” Reigen chided, though his heart wasn’t really in it.

Tome’s top lip curled, “I’m glad I get to retain my sanity this time. You really shouldn’t be doing anything other than work on that thing.”

Reigen sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It was a joke, Tome.”

Tome leaned against the window behind him, clearly unmoved. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Eh?” Reigen flapped his hand at her. He dug around in his pocket for his phone, for a distraction. He had felt the conversation coming like the buzz in the air before a storm all afternoon, and he really didn’t want to deal with it right now.

“You’ve been boring the whole time I’ve been here. Just a bunch of forlorn staring and sighs.” She pointed at him, “Did you and Serizawa have a lover’s quarrel or something?”

Reigen felt the heat rush to his ears, but quelled it quickly with his foul mood. “Serizawa and I are purely professional friends, and you know it.”

Tome’s mouth twisted as if she wanted to smile, but she flattened her lips. “Yeah, I was just kidding. It’s just…I bumped into Serizawa on my way to cram school yesterday and he said he was meeting you downtown. He seemed super nervous. He said he had something big to get off his chest, but I couldn’t shake it out of him.”

“Really? He seemed fine when I saw him.”

“He didn’t tell you anything out of the ordinary? Poor guy did seem really stressed out.”

Reigen frowned, “Actually, come to think of it, he did say he had something to tell me. But we got interrupted. I had to take a call. By the time I got back, I had forgotten to ask him what was on his mind.”

Tome clicked her tongue, “Hm. Good luck finding out what’s eating at him now. That guy is like an impenetrable fortress most of the time. You find out he was pissed off after the whole room starts floating.”

“Give him a little more credit. He’s much better now at talking about things that trouble him.” Reigen said.

“Unlike some people.” Tome said pointedly.

Reigen spun in his chair to face her. She was looking at him with a strange look on her face. There was a slight furrow in her brow. She seemed introspective.

“Shouldn’t you be packing up soon?” Reigen twisted his wrist and tugged up his sleeve. His watch told him it was almost six, which meant they’d technically been closed for an hour.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Reigen’s immediate reaction to this was panic, though he didn’t let it show on his face. His father had become forgetful in the last few months of life, but for Reigen, surely that was years away? Was he jumping to conclusions? He didn’t even have a confirmed diagnosis yet, but it was pretty cut and dry looking at his family history. What had he forgotten? He’d look suspicious if he asked.

Tome tutted and rolled her shoulders in a wholly teenage gesture. “Reigen. You’re meant to pay me. It’s end of the week? I’m not leaving till you hand it over.”

Reigen shot up out of his seat, “Ah yes! I hadn’t forgotten, I have it right here. Well, good for you for reminding me”

He reached into his pocket and dragged out his wallet. Along with it, came the peach candy he’d bought for Tome a week ago and forgotten about.

He fished out a couple of notes, a handful off coins, and tossed them on the table. He handed her the peach candy.

“What’s this?” Tome said, not hiding the judgement in her tone.

“Uh, I bought it for you a few days ago. It looked like the sort of candy you used to eat when you hung around here with your telepathy club friends.”

“They have names.” She said.

“Mm, I’m sure they do. Anyway, I thought you liked that stuff? You said it was your favourite that one time.” Reigen’s voice faded out towards the end of the sentence. He felt kind of self-conscious.

Tome smiled, and scooped up the cash. “I do. Like this stuff, I mean. I’m just surprised you actually remembered something I like.”

“I listen.” Reigen said brusquely.

“Yeah, I uh, appreciate it.”

“Alright, don’t worship me or anything. It’s just candy.”

“I know.” Tome said lightly, still grinning.

Reigen leaned back in his chair and whizzed through some emails while Tome went back to her desk and packed up for the night.

She’d only agreed to work at Spirits and Such because she’d thought it was her best chance to find more supernatural phenomena. Tome had wished to become psychic herself at one point, but she’d promptly given up when she realised it wasn’t something you could simply wish for. Those who were blessed with psychic abilities usually thought themselves nothing out of the ordinary. Reigen had told her “You know, it’s the same as how people with curly hair always wish for straight hair. And vice versa. Grass is greener on the other side, and all that.”

She had raised an eyebrow, “And you wished for straw hair, for some reason. I suppose we’re all unique.”

Funny. Reigen had always thought if anyone could wish for psychic abilities and wake up with them, it would be her.

Reigen may have been endlessly charismatic, but there was a reason he trusted Tome to field the clients for him. She was impressively good and cutting straight to the heart of each issue, saving Reigen half of his consultation time.

He watched Tome pulled her coat on. Her bag was bursting with papers and covered in badges and charms. She usually left the office late and studied in the evenings and well into the night. When she wasn’t at Spirits and Such, she was at cram school, or regular school. She worked really hard.

Reigen smiled. She’d be fine.

“I’m going home then.” Tome said with no preamble.

Reigen looked up. “Can you hang on a minute?”

She frowned. “Are you going to pay me overtime?”

“I don’t pay you to talk to me. I’m your boss, you’re supposed to listen to me. It’ll only take a second.” He said. He pointed at the chair opposite his desk, usually reserved for clients.

Tome sat down hesitantly.

Reigen was silent for a minute, mulling over what he’d wanted to say to her. It was unplanned; he’d considered briefly what he would need to do if he truly was dying, then pushed it from his head. There was no sense in panicking. But something about the way that Tome had been so appreciative for the peach candy when it really was a thoughtless gift from Reigen… It had made him regretful.

He knew her family weren’t always around, and when they were, they didn’t treat her like a daughter. They treated her like an investment. They certainly didn’t remember which candy she liked.

It was such a small thing, but it had made him remember the real reason she hung around Spirits and Such so often and it certainly wasn’t the money.

“Uh…” Tome murmured, “Is everything okay?”

Reigen smiled. He realised he’d been sitting silently. He laced his hands together on his lap. “Tome, you’ve been working here for a few years now.”

“Ever since Mob left.” Tome nodded, “So am I up for a big promotion?”
Reigen’s nose wrinkled, “Uh, no. What would I even promote you to? You don’t have psychic powers.”

“Then I’m going.” Tome got up and swung her bag over her shoulder.

Reigen’s hand reached out without him even thinking. “Wait.”

She stopped and turned, exasperated. “I’ve got things to do, Reigen.”

“I get it,” He said. His voice sounded tuneless to his own ears, none of the charisma that usually coloured his words. “Listen, I just wanted to tell you, uh, if you ever need anything—“

“You’re being weird again.”

Reigen chuckled. “I know. Just hear me out.” He sighed. He wasn’t good at this. “If you need help, or anything at all, you know you can always call me, right? And if I’m not here, then Serizawa—”

Tome’s lip curled, though not unkindly. “What the hell are you on about?”

“I’m saying, if there comes a time where I’m not here to help, Serizawa will make sure you’re okay. You can count on him. Always.”

“I, uh…” Tome chewed her lip. It seemed they had all picked up some of Serizawa’s nervous mannerisms. “Okay…I’m just goinna suspend my belief and pretend this is a normal conversation. Why are you telling me this now?”

Reigen shrugged. “I got hurt recently. When that evil spirit beat me down, I thought I was dead. It made me think… Well, I was just thinking, if that had been it for me, I’d want to die knowing that you had someone in your corner. Someone who remembers which candy you like.”

Tome chuckled, but she averted her gaze. “God, you’re always so weird after seeing Serizawa. He makes you go all mushy.”

Reigen chose to ignore this comment. “Tome, just say you’ll ask for help if you need it. It’ll help me sleep at night.”

“Okay, old man. But only if you do the same.”

Reigen slapped his knee, clearing the tension that had fallen over the office like the room had been stuffed with cotton wool. “Now where did you get those negotiation skills from, I wonder?”

Tome rolled her eyes. “I’m leaving. Try not to trip and die while I’m away.”

Reigen listened to the door open and close as she left.

He leaned back in his chair. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled the hospital, right down to the last digit. He let it ring once, twice. Then he hung up.

He was overcome with a strange kind of clarity. The storm, the one that was waiting to break, cleared for a second. Long enough for him to realise something.

He was scared.

If he booked a test in the hospital, what would they tell him? Yes, there is definitely something wrong? No, you made it all up and you’re simply going insane? Or, it’s too late and there’s nothing we can do?

There was no such thing as a good outcome.

He let his phone drop back into his pocket. If he didn’t go, he could pretend he was fine. He could forget the call he’d received from the clinic, and continue his life as he had been before. Maybe he could live on the edge of the knife, looking down at the truth below. Always present, never acknowledging. But that sounded like work, and he really was tired.

Instead, he looked out of the window and pushed the thoughts from his head.

The pavement below was covered in a blanket of fallen blossoms, ground almost to a paste by heavy foot traffic. The sun was beginning to set. Commuters walked beside the office, talking animatedly, or on the phone, or silently listening to music.

And between them all, weaving through the marching legs, or around the branching arms of the now-bare cherry trees, was a school of koi fish. Floating through the air like liquid. Unnoticed by the passersby, but duly noted by Reigen.

They were giant now, twitching like windsocks, glowing and alien.

He touched the glass dividing him from the street below. It felt wet and cold, like a stream flowed around his fingertips.

The koi reminded him of rogue spirits. They were lost, mindless, purposeless. In many ways, like him.

He wondered if he would join them.

Chapter Text

Surrendered to self preservation from others who care for themselves. A blindness that touches perfection, but hurts just like anything else. 

Isolation by Joy Division

The TV buzzed, the volume turned down low.

The first thing Reigen did when he returned home was kick off his shoes, drop his bag, and flick on the TV. He couldn’t quite stand the sound of his apartment without it. It was a short ritual he performed every time he crossed the threshold.

The apartment was never silent. With his first meagre pay check many years ago, he’d only managed to afford a cheap TV, one of his first (and most essential) purchases. Because what he couldn’t stand wasn’t the sound of silence. He could deal with that. Silence meant he was unobserved, or alone. There was comfort in that.

What he couldn’t stand was the sound of life. The sound of neighbours laughing, chattering on the street below his window, the arguing couple on the floor below. The sound of cars breezing past, fireworks during festival seasons, birds squawking in the morning. The sound of life. For Reigen, that was the sound of loneliness.

He sometimes believed he’d feel less alone stranded on an island, surrounded by an empty ocean. There were TV shows about people who washed up alone on remote beaches, people who fought to survive and overcame adversity. There were no TV shows about washed up salarymen who couldn’t seem to connect with people their own age. He eased himself back into the couch, intending to sit, but ending up slouching across with his legs kicked over the arm.

He cranked up the volume of the TV, uninterested in the programme itself. Seemed to be an old rerun of a drama, something he only got interested in if he was drunk. Right now, he was just tired. He laid back on the couch and fed himself another painkiller. The ubiquitous headache was getting harder and harder to keep at bay.

He’d left the lights off in his apartment, unable to stomach bright lights, but the sun had plunged below the horizon and left him in darkness. Aside from the TV. The glow of the screen in the dark apartment reminded him of the younger Serizawa he’d visited, when he’d still hoped the thing in his head was just a spirit. He wondered if the truth was more malicious. A tumour didn’t know it was evil. Did that make a difference?

He groaned and let his arm flop over his eyes. He wasn’t even diagnosed. Tome was right; he could be dramatic.

His phone buzzed by his head.

He leaned over and retrieved it, flipped it open. The screen was brighter than a star to his watering eyes, so it took him a moment to adjust. A text notification glowed on the screen. Serizawa.

I need to talk to him, Reigen thought.

He clicked through to messages and opened the notification.

‘I need to talk to you’, said Serizawa’s text.

Reigen folded his phone shut and clutched it against his chest. Serizawa normally texted in strange symbols and pictures of cats with his thumb half over the lens. He didn’t think he’d received a serious text like that from Serizawa before.

Part of him was worried; Serizawa would want to discuss serious things, like life, and Reigen would be forced to admit that he didn’t think life was on the roster for much longer. The other part of him was worryingly happy. Talking to Serizawa was one of the only things that comforted him, and he could really do with some comfort right now.

Reigen sighed. He’d text back in the morning. For now, he needed time. To think, to relax, to decide what to do next.

He tried to become interested in the drama on the TV, but only succeeded in staring himself gormless at the screen. He felt detached from the on-screen couple, professing their love to one another in the rain. Did that kind of love even exist? If it did, he’d never seen it.

He melted back into the couch, letting it drag him under.

Professing love in the rain sounded cold and uncomfortable. If he was to fall in love, he thought he’d choose a better setting. He would take her hand in the warm corner of a coffee shop, or down by the river when the sun was setting. He forced these scenes into his head, because the fantasy Reigen’s mind kept producing took place in Serizawa’s apartment.

The thought, when he allowed himself to indulge in it, made his lungs ache for something that wasn’t air. It blanketed him in something warm and comforting.

Sleep was the next stop, and this time Reigen could feel it waiting patiently for him. Like always, he couldn’t fight the tide of sleep. It felt the same as all the other times he’d passed out recently, but something about it went a little smoother, like whatever pulled him under had become skilled at it. He silently recalled the myth of the sandman, and let his eyelids droop.

The line between sleep and awake was wearing thinner and thinner each time.

There was almost no transition between lying on the couch and arriving in the hospital.

But he felt the rough sheets beneath his skin, the coolness of the sterile room.

Once he arrived in the other place, the bright hospital room, he became convinced the life he’d just left was the dream and this was reality. There was only the lingering feeling that both places felt real. The needle pinched as he pulled it from the crook of his elbow. It was hurting, more and more each time.

He didn’t spend much time in the hospital this time around. He passed the koi, swimming upstream in the hospital corridors. He padded through reception and onto the asphalt outside. He stopped for a moment to consider his next step. Spirits and Such was a no go. So was Mob, and all the other kids. The Serizawa of this world had a long way to go before he could help Reigen. But none of that mattered.

He’d been operating under the assumption that there was something to find here, some answer that would explain what was happening to him. Why he kept losing consciousness, why he was hallucination the damn fish, why he felt like he was losing his mind.

It was almost refreshing to have an answer. None of it mattered.

He was just dying.

Anything adverse that had happened to him in the last few weeks could be blamed on that plain and simple fact.

So, this time, he didn’t have a plan. He hadn’t planned to come here at all. But he did have an inkling.

He might have been dying, and this might not be real, but all the time he’d spent in this world, he’d had the sensation of being observed. And not just observed, but documented.

He looked up at the storm above him. The sky seemed darker than before, the edges of the clouds curling up in the colours of burnt toast. He heard the low roll of thunder like a warning. It was almost like it could sense his intentions.

A gust of wind buffeted his body, whipping the hospital gown around his legs. His determination set like concrete in his stomach.

“Oh, I’m on to you.” Reigen said accusingly, pointing a quivering finger to the sky. If he was going insane, he might as well lean into it.

He marched himself in the opposite direction of his office, of Serizawa’s house and the park Mob had grown up in. He forced himself to walk against the tide of the wind, against his unconscious desire to return to the hospital. He kept walking, further and further out, towards the centre of the storm. Where the clouds transitioned from a moody grey into dark black, almost as dark as the night.

The wind pushed back at him, until it felt like he was wading through thick pudding. He was reminded of running through the ruins of the city and towards the storm that Mob had generated that day almost three years ago. He didn’t think he’d find Mob at the centre of this storm, but he was almost sure he’d find something important.

Why else would it try to keep him away? Why else was he here? What purpose did this world serve?

He still didn’t know.

So, he pushed on.

The hospital gown provided almost no protection against the freezing wind. He wrapped his arms over his chest, unwilling to relent. He refused to be dissuaded.

He forged on through an alleyway which took him behind a store, and met a dead end. There were stacks of beer crates and piled up trash bags and a rickety ladder which led to the roof of the store. Typical alley stuff. Exactly what you’d expect to see. Except, where the alley would usually continue behind the next store and the next, there was a bricked up wall stopping him from continuing. The mortar looked newer than the rest of the walls, like it had been recently constructed. It was strange, but not out of the ordinary.

He walked around the store. From the front, he could see it was abandoned and had been for a while. It’s windows were pasted over with ‘closing down sale’ posters. He walked past it and tried a different alley.

He soon hit another dead end, nothing but another bricked up wall and garbage cans. There was even graffiti on the wall which read ‘dead end’. He backed out of the alley and tried the next road.

Dead end.

And the next. And the next. There was no way forward, not unless he went back the way he came. He moved back behind the abandoned store. The rusted ladder bracketed against the back wall of the store provided an alternate route, but how far could he get there? It would at least give him a better view of the streets below. He could find a better way forward. He reached out to grab the first rung.

“What are you doing, sir?”

Reigen stopped. Hair raised along the base of his neck and rolled down his arms like a tide. He knew that voice well. It should have been a comfort, but here, it felt strange. Like seeing a butterfly in the snow.

“Sir?” The voice asked again.

Reigen turned.

Mob stood behind him. Not his Mob, but the younger Mob of this world. He was alone this time, Tsubomi was absent. He stood behind Reigen in the middle of the alley, which seemed a strange place to run into a young child. There wasn’t an adult in sight.

“What are you doing here?” Reigen asked. He’d meant to say it gently, remembering that he was dealing with a young child, but he’d barked it like an order. Young Mob looked up at him like he’d been kicked.

“Sorry kid. I just wasn’t expecting company.” Reigen explained. “Little on edge.”

Mob came closer, taking slow and careful steps towards him. His little shoes ground against the shattered glass on the floor. His eyes were wide and glazed, like he was looking at Reigen but not really seeing.

“What are you doing, sir?” Mob asked again.

Reigen frowned. A small, primal voice advised him to take a step back.

“I’m just taking a look back here.” Reigen said, “What about you? You shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t you be in preschool or something?”

Mob’s hands clasped together in front of him. He nervously balled his hands into his shirt, something he used to do when Reigen had first met him. He was wearing a little name tag, which had his name written in loopy handwriting. He’d come straight from preschool, or first year, or whatever it was kids did when they were six. It was all familiar, but something about it seemed wrong.

“I’m allowed to be here.” Young Mob said boldly. “But you should come back with me.”

“To where?” Reigen said, frowning. He watched him closely.

Mob turned and pointed back down the alley, “Back to the city.” He turned back, “Out here, it’s not safe.”

“Really?”

Mob nodded, “Yes. Mommy says it’s dangerous to go too far from the city.”

“What is dangerous?” He demanded, forgetting once again that he was talking to a child.

Mob fidgeted for a moment, and Reigen was afraid that he’d been too forceful and Mob would refuse to answer. Then he pointed, upwards.

Reigen followed his finger. Young Mob pointed at the dark, roiling storm. They were so close to the eye of the storm. And Reigen was so sure there was something to see, something to be discovered. Now, he was even more convinced.

“The storm? You want to stop me from going there, don’t you?” Reigen said.

“The storm is dangerous.”

“Who told you that?”

“Mommy told me that. The storm is dangerous.” Mob echoed.

Reigen listened to the primal voice in his head and took a few steps back. Young Mob followed.

“You should come back with me. Back to the city.” Mob said. He was reaching out a hand.

Reigen stumbled back, a little more urgency in his steps. He couldn’t stop now, he was so close. Mob kept walking towards him, tiny steps on tiny legs, his pudgy hand outstretched like he wanted Reigen to take it. “Come back with me, where it’s safe.”

Then Reigen realised what was wrong. When Mob had been small, even since Reigen had known him, he was rarely seen alone. Especially on the way back from preschool. Because there was someone Mob always walked home with, even after the incident, even when they fell out. If there was one thing Mob had always prided himself for, it was being a good big brother.

“Where is Ritsu?” Reigen asked.

Young Mob looked up at him with wide, sparkling eyes. “Who?”

Reigen’s back hit the ladder. His heart had fallen a few inches with the shock of the confusion on Mob’s face at the mention of his own brother.

“Who are you?” Reigen said.

Mob stared absently. He took another step forward, hand still outstretched.

Reigen turned and pulled himself up the ladder.

The rust on the rungs flaked off onto his bare hands and feet, staining them a deep orange. He didn’t let it stop him. He kept climbing.

“Stop it! You’ll hurt yourself!” Young Mob called up, but his voice sounded wrong. Deeper.

He reached for the next rung, and it screeched under the weight of his hand. The bar fell away from the rest of the ladder and clattered to the ground. Reigen reached for the one above it instead, and found it to be in much the same condition. He tested it and it held his weight, but wouldn’t for long. If he could just time the jump right, he could make it to the roof before the ladder collapsed beneath him.

Reigen risked a glance over his shoulder. He saw Mob standing where he’d left him, making no attempt to chase after Reigen. He paused in his ascent.

Mob’s head cocked to the side, like a curious animal. It was a completely un-Mob-like movement.

Then Mob’s body shimmered like a mirage. It swirled away into smoke and shot upwards, directly into the sky. Rejoining the storm.

What the fuck?

Reigen looked up at the storm and it watched him right back. It had tried to stop him, and now it was pissed. It wanted him away from here. It wanted him gone. He wasn’t doing what it wanted him to do.

He squinted.

There, right at the eye of the storm, was…something.

A figure.

A shadow.

It was almost formless, and faded enough that it could have just been a darker cloud that happened to look a little humanoid. Reigen might have convinced himself of that, had it not visibly recoiled when it noticed him staring at it.

Reigen reached up past the gap in the ladder, to the next rung. He needed to get closer. He needed to see what this thing was. The rung held under his hand and he tugged himself up. He was almost at the roof.

The figure loomed over him, larger than a skyscraper in the centre of the storm.

Reigen dragged himself up to the edge of the roof. He was almost over the top, the last rung was in his grasp. Then he heard the snap of metal. The rung that had barely held snapped from under his foot. Reigen lost his footing, grabbing tighter to the top rung of the ladder with both hands as he lost his foothold.

But the ladder groaned against the wall. It wouldn’t hold him for much longer.

Reigen looked up at the figure in the storm. “Who are you? Why are you here?” He yelled into the storm.

The wind got stronger, blustering around him and making him hang on tighter. His knuckles ached from the tension, but strangely he found his fear absent. He heard something crash below him and realised the bottom half of the ladder had peeled away from the wall and fallen to the floor. No going down, and no going up.

“Is this what you wanted?” Reigen yelled again. He didn’t even know if the thing could talk back, but it must’ve been able to understand him, in some way.

The figure in the storm stared down at him, an accusing god.

His grip on the top rung was weakening quickly, the chill in the wind numbed his fingers to the pain of holding his own weight. He wasn’t strong, even in this world. He made the mistake of looking down and saw his legs swinging above a six foot drop. It might not kill him, but it would hurt when he hit the ground. Broken bones kind of hurt. He didn’t want to fall. But he couldn’t hold on.

“Answer me!” Reigen yelled.

The figure watched. Then a smokey arm swirled away from its body and reached down to Reigen. He felt as though he was about to be struck down by the storm. But instead, the figure roared, the thunder crackling underneath its voice.

Wake up! It said.

Then Reigen was falling, unable to hold on for a moment longer. The wind rushed around him, screaming past his ears. It was a split second before he would inevitably hit the ground, but like every near-death experience he’d had, the second lasted an eternity.

The thunder rumbled again, and it felt as though the storm was telling him I told you so.

Reigen squinted up at the figure in the storm. As if that’s going to stop me, he thought.

Before his body hit the floor, he was gone.

Reigen screamed awake.

Waking up was much less of a streamlined process than falling asleep, and he had to bend over the edge of the couch and cough until his lungs emptied. He spat a mouthful of water onto the floor and rolled onto his back, hissing in pain and shock. He waited until his breathing had evened out before he thought any further.

He was gripping the edges of the couch cushion like he was about to float away. He felt as though he’d been beaten about the head with a shovel, and easing himself up into a seated position felt even worse. He was just glad there was no one around to see him like this. What was it his father always said about trees falling in forests with no one around to hear them? Did it ever really happen at all? His old man really did love an idiom.

Reigen loosened his tie and pulled it off, letting it slip through his fingers to the floor.

“Weird dream.” He told himself with a croaking voice, because he found it easiest to lie to himself.

He laid there for a while, until he tuned into a sound that wasn’t his panicked breathing or the background chatter of the TV. It took him a while to realise what it was.

His alarm.

It beeped relentlessly, letting him know it was time to get suited up and back to work. But he’d just fallen asleep, how could it be morning again already?

He eased himself up and retrieved his phone, flipping it open. He had several missed calls from Tome, a couple from unknown numbers which were either clients or family members, and one from Serizawa. He let his head fall back against the couch and took a moment, listening to the beep beep beep of his alarm. It reminded him of the heart rate monitor in the other world’s hospital.

He got up.

He was only an hour late to open the office, which wasn’t too bad, considering his track record recently. If he left immediately, he could pretend he’d overslept. Which was the truth, in a way. He’d just leave out the nature of the sleep, and the cosmic nightmare he’d just woken from.

He pulled the discarded elements of his suit back together from the corners of his apartment, and hoped people wouldn’t be able to tell he hadn’t washed. His tie had a spot of dried blood on the tail end, but in his line of work he thought that could be forgiven.

He checked himself in the mirror in the bathroom before he left the house. There was dried blood above his lip where his nose had bled overnight. He wiped it away with the back of his hand and splashed some cold water on his face. He took some painkillers with sink water and tried not to think about how that was exactly the sort of thing someone who’d hit rock bottom would do. He straightened his tie, and turned to go.

A smudge in the corner of his eye stopped him in his tracks. He turned back to the mirror.

In the corner of the mirror, retreating faster than his eyes could track, was a shadowy figure. He spun on his heel, but there was nothing behind him. He touched his forefinger to his lower eyelid and felt a vein pulse beneath his fingertip.

Since tearing his apartment apart in search of a shadow which may or may not have been a trick of his fatigued eyes would be admitting he had seen something, Reigen buttoned his suit jacket and picked up his bag. He left the apartment with the TV buzzing away.

His last client of the day was a disaster.

Reigen had been doing well so far, keeping up pretences of a functional fake psychic, rolling through appointment after appointment.

When the last client came around, it fell apart. He’d been distracted. He had been mulling over the dream and what it all meant, and Mrs Tanaka was already pissed at him for missing two weeks worth of spiritual massages. His heart just wasn’t in it, which was essential for spiritual massages. Plus, his body felt like it had been run over by a truck, so his own muscles were screaming as he attempted to massage Mrs Tanaka’s.

His head spun like he was hungover, and his nerves were frayed to stumps from the night before. Had he died in that dream? What would happen the next time he woke up there?

“Reigen, I’m not feeling the usual, uh…spiritual enlightenment from this. Are you trying to rip me off?”

Usually, Reigen would spin into salesman mode and pull out all the stops to resolve the situation. But Reigen had clearly left that part of himself on the couch this morning because instead he stopped the massage midway and rolled down his sleeves.

“This concludes the treatment.” He mumbled.

“What are you doing? That’s it? That was hardly my money’s worth!” Mrs Tanaka complained indignantly. She was half dressed on an office table, Reigen supposed he too would be rather indignant. Truth was, he couldn’t persuade himself to care.

“I’m sorry. I’ll have to…” He swallowed his instinct, “I’ll have to refund you.”

“What?”

Reigen shrugged and tuned her out. If he had died in the dream, what did that mean? Was it all in his head, or was it something else? Mob had been part of the storm, or at least, that iteration of Mob had been. Was Serizawa in the dream also just some fabrication? He’d seemed pretty real.

He pulled a few notes from his wallet and left them with Mrs Tanaka’s coat and bag. Then he went and sat at his desk, letting his head fall into his hands. He’d slept so much, so why did he still feel as though he could pass out at any moment?

“Excuse me. I’m still here!” Mrs Tanaka said. She had sat up on the table, watching him with hawk eyes.

He didn’t have it in him today. He had no way to calm her down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.”

“Didn’t realise?” Mrs Tanaka said. She jumped up and pulled on her coat, sending the notes of cash flying. “Is that any way to talk to a client?”

He rubbed his eyes. “I guess not. Listen, I’m really not feeling the spiritual power today. Could you come back tomorrow?”

If Mrs Tanaka could, she would have spat feathers. She went red in the face as she snatched up her handbag. “You’ve got to be joking! You’ve been pushing back my appointments for weeks! You’re kicking me out because you’re not feeling it? What are you, some kind of hack?”

Reigen looked up, hoping to convey his desperate fatigue in one glance. He scrambled to retrieve his sales talk. “I can provide money off your next appointment, or a voucher, or something. But please, I need a moment.”

“A moment? You need a moment? I just paid for a service, I have a right to complain if I don’t receive it!”

“You’re quite right.” Reigen murmured.

Mrs Tanaka crossed the room in heavy steps and slammed her palm down on his desk. “I’ll tell everyone. Arataka Reigen is a fraud! I’ll leave a bad review.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? That's it?” Mrs Tanaka blustered, “I’m a regular, I should be cared for! I know what you are. You’re nothing but a cheap liar.”

Reigen leaned back in his chair until his scalp hit the cold glass of the window behind him. He sat like that for a second, savouring the silence. Then Mrs Tanaka huffed loudly, bored of being ignored.

“I meant it when I said I’m going to complain. On every message board, and review site I can find. You and that dumb receptionist of yours. You’ll never amount to anything. What was her name? Kurata Tome?”

Reigen perked up. “Complain about me, not her. She didn’t do anything to you, leave her out of it.”

“Why should I? She’s just as bad as you. You’re all hacks here, right? What about that former employee of yours, the timid man? I’ll tell people you’re all hacks. All of you!”

Mrs Tanaka’s voice echoed around the inside of his head like a double-edged blade, perpetuating his headache. He’d had enough of listening to her screeching.

He rose carefully from his chair, supporting his wobbly legs with a hand braced against his desk.

“Mrs Tanaka. I think it’s best if you leave.”

“Leave?” She shouted. “Not until you give me the service I paid for.”

He groaned, “Just take the money and go.”

She crossed her arms. “I’ll call the police.”

Reigen walked around his desk and went to open the door. “Please leave.”

It didn’t have quite the effect he was hoping for. There was a man waiting on the other side of the door with a face like he was chewing a wasp. His lip curled.

“Who are you?” Reigen asked unkindly.

“He’s my husband. He was waiting for me outside.” Mrs Tanaka said stoutly. She shook her phone at Reigen, “I texted him.”

“You threatening my wife?” The husband asked, drawing up to his full height, which was a good few inches taller than Reigen.

“No!” Reigen said, throwing his hands up. “She was the one threatening to call the police! I just asked her to leave.” He knew when he was outmatched, and he couldn’t have fought this guy even when he didn’t feel like shit warmed up.

The husband grabbed Reigen by the lapels and slammed him back into the wall. He tried to squirm away, but the guy was pretty big, and Reigen was pretty weak.

“You don’t tell my wife what she can and can’t do.” He said, close to Reigen’s face.

“Your wife was insulting my coworkers. I can sue you for this, you know. Physical and psychological damages.” Reigen tugged at the guy’s hands balled up in his suit lapels. He didn’t budge.

“My son is a lawyer! Well, not yet, but he’s training to be a lawyer.” Mrs Tanaka piped up. “And once he’s qualified, we’ll sue the ass off of this place.”

Reigen sighed, “All this over a massage?” He looked up at the husband, “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” The husband spat. He made a fist in Reigen’s face.

Reigen flinched back, turning his face away. His own cowardice didn’t bother him, as long as it saved his nose from breaking beneath this guy’s fist. “What do you want?”

The husband chuckled, a huge rumbling sound. “You’re going to—“

Reigen suddenly felt lighter. He realised his lapels were free, and opened his eyes.

The husband was floating near the ceiling, his legs peddling wildly in the air. Mrs Tanaka was yelling up at him, swinging her handbag at his feet as if she could pull him down from her height. The husband’s face was turning red as he spun upside down, his feet brushing the strip lighting above Reigen’s desk.

Reigen straightened and dusted down his jacket, smoothing his tie. He watched as the husband yelped and tried to swim though open air, then turned to Serizawa, who’d appeared in the doorway.

Serizawa held a hand out as he used his power, his mouth set and determined, but his eyes on Reigen. He seemed…pissed. At Reigen?

“Hey, buddy. What are you doing here?” Reigen said, trying for placation.

Serizawa didn’t reply. He looked away from Reigen, and back to the pair of hollering idiots.

“Are you going to leave?” Serizawa asked them politely.

Mrs Tanaka surged forward at Serizawa and gripped his sleeve. “Please! I won’t publish those reviews! I swear it.”

Serizawa frowned, “Reviews?”

Reigen shrugged.

Mrs Tanaka stared daggers at Reigen. “For the terrible service! But I’ll forget I saw anything. I’ll take my business elsewhere.” She pleaded, still tugging at Serizawa’s sleeve. If it annoyed him, he didn’t let it show. “Just put my husband down!”

Serizawa obliged, lowering his hand until the husband’s feet skirted the ground. He still hovered slightly. “Will you leave? I didn't come here to break up a fight.”

“Wasn’t much of a fight.” The husband tutted.

Serizawa raised his hand again, expression unchanging as the husband screamed and floated higher.

“Okay, okay! We’ll leave.” Mrs Tanaka said. “Come on.” She directed the last part at her airborne husband.

The time, Serizawa lowered him completely to the ground and pulled back his telekinesis, allowing the husband to skitter to his wife’s side like a wounded bear.

The two wasted no time in leaving the office. Reigen heard their grievances echo up the stairwell as they left.

He turned back to Serizawa, who hadn’t moved. Reigen waited for him to explain himself for as long as he cared to wait, which was three seconds, before he had to fill the silence.

“Wow. They were angry.” Reigen said.

Serizawa turned to him and levelled the same glare he’d been shooting Mrs Tanaka and her husband.

“Hey, what’s up?” Reigen asked immediately. Had Serizawa ever been pissed at him? He didn’t know. Not while they had the boss-subordinate dynamic, that’s for sure. Reigen didn’t know what to say to calm him, if he even was angry at all. Tome was right; it was impossible to tell.

“Do you have the keys?” Serizawa pointed at the door.

Reigen searched his face, looking for the real question behind it, but found nothing. Instead, he dug around in his pockets and pulled out the keyring that held the keys to his apartment and spirits and such (and a bike he’d lost a few years ago).

“Here.” He pressed the keyring into Serizawa’s outstretched hand. “What do you need them for?”

Serizawa looked at the keys for a moment, as if Reigen had given him a handful of ants, before moving to the door. Reigen followed him out of the office and into the stairwell.

“What are you doing?” Reigen asked.

“You didn’t see my text? We need to talk.” Serizawa said finally. He closed the door and locked it, then tossed the key to Reigen.

He caught it, staggered by Serizawa’s behaviour.

“Okay.” He said. "Then we'll talk."

Chapter Text

You could have done anything, if you’d wanted.

And all your friends and family think that you’re lucky.

But the side of you they’ll never see is when you’re left alone with your memories that hold your life together like glue.

This is the Day by The The

“Okay, how long are we going to walk in silence?” Reigen said, unable to hold his tongue any longer.

Serizawa was walking a few strides ahead, a little too fast to be amiable. He either didn’t hear Reigen, or didn’t care to answer. Reigen had to skitter forward every few steps to catch up. They had been walking for a while since leaving Spirits and Such, but Serizawa had hardly acknowledged him.

It was so out of character for him that Reigen’s eyes kept darting to check Serizawa didn’t turn into a shadow figure like the Mob in his dream had.

A few minutes into their walk, Reigen realised where they were going. The park that skirted the river. The same one that he’d seen Mob play in as a kid. The park was empty; it was a little too late in the day for kids to be using the playground, but too early for it to be full of teens. Reigen almost laughed as they approached the playground and Serizawa made a beeline for the swings. Wouldn’t it look strange for two besuited men to sit on the swing set?

Serizawa, as usual, didn’t let societal norms hinder him. He took the swing on the left and gestured to the one on the right for Reigen.

“Uh, you sure you don’t want to go to a bar or something?” Reigen tried for a chuckle. It came out a little forced.

Serizawa watched him until Reigen relented and sat in the swing next to him. They sat for a moment, the light breeze sending goosebumps up Reigen’s arms, despite his heavy coat. Serizawa wore his shirt loose around the collar and the sleeves were rolled up. He didn’t look as he usually did when he came straight from work. Something about him looked a little rumpled, defeated.

Serizawa finally spoke up, though his voice was low. “I wanted to speak privately. This feels familiar, doesn’t it?”

“For you maybe.” Reigen pedalled himself back on the swing and dragged his shoes through the sandpit floor. “I grew up in cram schools and extracurriculars and clubs. I didn’t get much free time to spend at the park.” Reigen admitted.

He wasn’t sure where the open honesty was coming from, but perhaps Serizawa had a point with coming to the park. It seemed easier to talk here than it had in his office. Maybe because he and Serizawa were forced to sit forward, meaning Reigen could stare across the park instead of having to face him as he spoke.

Maybe Serizawa had chosen it for that reason.

“I always assumed you were a bit of a delinquent as a child.” Serizawa said. His voice was light, but it was clearly preamble before he dropped whatever bombshell he’d been carrying on the walk here.

“Hardly. Have you met my mother?” Reigen tilted his head back and watched the sky.

“No, I haven’t. You never talk to me about anything..” This time, Serizawa’s voice sounded taut with frustration. “Especially not your family.”

“There’s a reason for that.”

“You’re not on good terms?”

Reigen huffed, “I guess. Sometimes people just aren’t meant to get along. Sometimes those people are your parents.” He rolled his hand casually, as if they were discussing the weather. Really, speaking about his family dislodged the feelings that Reigen had buried unceremoniously many years ago. “My childhood was, uh, complicated.”

“Worse than mine?” Serizawa laughed self deprecatingly.

“Well, maybe not. Maybe it was fine. And maybe I’m not the most forgiving person.” Reigen said, “I mean, I wasn’t perfect either. I slacked off wherever I could, couldn't be convinced to care about anything. I actually got pretty good grades though, even if I cut corners to get them.”

“Cut corners?”

“Well, I can be quite persuasive.” Reigen shrugged, “I always thought I’d make something of my life. I was an arrogant kid. And my parents wanted me to succeed, so they enrolled me in everything in the hopes that I’d be good at something, rather than average at everything. Well, you know how that worked out.”

“How?” Serizawa asked. With Serizawa, Reigen knew the naive questions were just that. Naive. He wasn’t trying to make fun of Reigen, he was genuinely curious.

“Ha. Well, let me put it this way. People who make it big don’t usually end up working in the psychic business.”

“I think it’s…respectable.”

“Yeah, well, you’re a psychic. It’s your bread and butter. My parents thought it was a scam. They thought I was making it all up to avoid real work.”

Serizawa side eyed him, an eyebrow arching. Reigen kept his mouth firmly closed. He was too tired and rundown to broach the subject of his nonexistent psychic abilities.

“The point is,” Reigen continued, “It didn’t matter what I did. They were never happy.”

“You never told me anything about them. What did they do?”

It was clear Serizawa was eager for more tidbits of Reigen’s life, but Reigen was a little remiss to share. But, since it was Serizawa’s face he was trying to say no to, he told him anyway.

“My dad was a sleazy salesman.” Reigen begun, “My mom worked in a call centre, until she quit to have kids. She wanted her first son to be successful, like any mother. But I missed every milestone. My grades were trash, so they didn’t come to my graduation. My job wasn’t something they could gush to the extended family about. They held out hope that I might at least bring home a girlfriend, but that never happened either. So I became the disappointment. The black sheep that doesn’t get invited to weddings.”

Serizawa was silent, so Reigen dredged up an example from memory.

“One time, I bought my dad this stupid tie for his birthday when I was moving up to high school. I spent all my savings on it at the time, I’d put away money from odd jobs all summer. He laughed when he opened it, this weird, huffing laugh he always did when he thought I was being stupid. Like it was a joke. I could tell he hated it.” He touched his chest, “It was pink, like this one. He hated anything colourful.”

Serizawa was frowning intensely, clearly trying to derive meaning from Reigen’s story. “Did he wear it anyway?”

“No. I’m pretty sure he threw it away without telling me. But I didn’t care. It wasn’t really a gift for him.”

“So who was it for?”

“Me. When I gave it to him, I told him ‘I’m expecting this back, when I become a better businessman than you.’ I guess I was a little rebellious after all. Or maybe I was just sick of being looked down on. I didn’t just want to make him proud. I wanted to surpass him. But I guess I never did. I never saw that dumb tie again, either. And I guess I never will now.”

Serizawa fell quiet. He knew Reigen’s father was long gone, but they’d never spoken extensively like this about Reigen’s upbringing.

“So that’s why you wear that pink tie?” Serizawa asked.

“Uh, no. This was on sale, and I like the colour.”

“Oh. I thought there must have been some kind of sentimental reason or something.” Serizawa said, which was about the closest to an insult he ever got, however backhanded.

“Okay, it was cheap. Anyway, don’t talk to me about ugly ties, mister pocket square.” Reigen gestured accusingly at the colourful swatch of fabric poking out of Serizawa’s top pocket.

“Okay, sorry.” Serizawa chuckled. He took a breath, then held it. He seemed to be reconsidering what he wanted to say. Reigen was sure he wanted to point out that Serizawa hadn’t exactly met any of the ‘growing-up’ milestones himself. He turned to Reigen, an earnest look in his eyes. “I’m sure they were proud of you. Even if they never said it out loud.”

This time, Reigen did laugh. “No. Not my parents.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You didn’t know them.” He snapped. “You spent your childhood wrapped in bubblewrap. You don’t know how much folks can hate their own kids.” Reigen’s irritation and fatigue had built up enough for his temper to fray.

He didn’t want a pep talk. He didn’t want pity.

He immediately regretted it, seeing the shocked look on Serizawa’s face. He was being an ass, and Serizawa had every right to be angry at him, but he simply swallowed and looked away.

“What do you mean?” Serizawa said quietly.

Reigen didn’t like where the conversation was leading him, back to buried memories. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“…Fine.” Serizawa said.

“They weren’t proud of me. That’s all you need to know.”

“They were wrong.” Serizawa said.

“Maybe. I tried to prove them wrong.” He sighed. “Sorry. That doesn’t matter. I’ve spoken enough. You wanted to tell me something?”

Serizawa was silent for a while, his face settled into an uneasy expression. His mouth twisted. Reigen felt a slight wave of relief - he was hoping Serizawa’s apparent anger at Reigen had fled him.

“You okay there? You seemed pretty pissed back at the office.” Reigen said when it became clear Serizawa needed some prompting.

“I am pissed.” Serizawa said. “You’ve been avoiding me. Again.”

Reigen pushed back on his swing, so that he could avoid Serizawa’s eyes. “No I haven’t.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Reigen stopped his swinging. “This again? What do you want from me?” Reigen winced at his words as they left his lips, but Serizawa had caught him at a bad time. His mind was lost in unpleasant memories of his upbringing, and his head still rang with pain. He wanted nothing more than to go back to his apartment and sink into the couch. Instead, he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit up. He ignored Serizawa’s dark expression and blew a plume of smoke upwards, watching it curl up and dissipate into the air.

He was embarrassed at himself. He was acting like a petulant teenager, and he knew it.

“I want you to let me help you.” Serizawa said.

“I’m fine.” He pinched his nose, hoping it would do something to alleviate his headache. “How many times do I have to tell you, I’m fine.”

“Reigen…” Serizawa was watching the birds peck through the trash on the other side of the park.

“You just need to get back to living your own life. Listen, it was stupid of me to bring you to the Kanshudo job. I-I don’t need a partner, so you should focus on your job at Sato Corp. I’ve already distracted you too much.” Reigen was rambling, he knew it. But he couldn’t stand the look on Serizawa’s face. The open concern, the wrinkle around his eyes.

It was like…he already knew.

Serizawa, as if hearing Reigen’s internal battle, took a deep breath, “I know you got a call from the hospital.”

Reigen took another inhale of smoke before answering, voice held steady. “Okay.”

“I-I saw the number on your phone and recognised it as the clinic. That night, when you came back to the bar, I realised it must’ve been bad news. You seemed quiet. And…I just put two and two together—”

“Dimple told you, didn’t he?”

Serizawa clammed up, sitting up straight as if he’d been electrically charged. “Uh…”

Reigen smirked, despite the hole opening wider in his chest. Despite the headache. Despite the swirling feeling in his head. “You’re a terrible liar.” He said.

“How could you—!”

“Don’t play poker, buddy.” Reigen patted his shoulder.

Serizawa sunk back down in his seat. “Dimple told me I shouldn’t let you know that he was the one who told me. He said you’d be angry.” He looked around, “But I’m angry too! You weren’t even going to tell me?”

“Well—“

“You were avoiding it, weren’t you?” Serizawa said.

Reigen felt surprisingly light with the cat out of the bag. Dimple often had that effect, even if his intentions were to make things harder for him. “Sorry. I was going to wait until I knew for sure. It could be a false alarm, but either way, it’s not good.”

“The loss of consciousness, the nosebleeds…” Serizawa said, “You think it’s symptoms of the disease your father had?”

“I don’t know. It seems pretty likely. You said it yourself, a spirit couldn’t do this.”

Serizawa fell quiet.

Reigen sat in the silence with him, smoking and watching the sun drop slowly below the trees. It streamed through the leaves with speckles of amber light. It turned the smoke swirling around Reigen’s vision into something mystical. It was the kind of light that reminded him of afternoons in his office, watching the sunlight dapple through the blinds. The kind of light that showed up the dust where Mob—and now Tome—had attempted to wipe down the shelves and couldn’t quite reach the back.

And it reminded him of when Serizawa had worked for him. He used to watch Serizawa work. The low afternoon sun always turned Serizawa’s hair a deep golden brown and highlighted the whiskers on his chin that he’d missed while shaving.

Reigen wanted to turn to face Serizawa, to confirm that his hair was still, in fact, spun from gold. He didn’t. He forced himself to keep looking forward. He set his jaw against his desire. Things were already confused. This would just hurt more, like a bandaid he kept smoothing over so that it was tightly adhered to his skin, knowing that one day he would need to rip it off.

“So, what will you do now?” Serizawa asked in a soft voice.

Reigen ground his teeth. That voice would make him do stupid things. 

When he realised he’d been silent for too long, he shrugged. “I’m going to keep working for as long as I can. I mean,” He chuckled, “What else can I do? I don’t have a bucket list.”

“Surely there’s… I mean, you don’t know for sure, right?” Serizawa said, “Don’t you have to…I don’t know, go for tests?”

“They said I’d need to take some tests, yeah.” Reigen chewed his lip while he thought, “But I just want it to be normal, for as long as it can be.” He turned back to Serizawa, his resolve shattered. He was right. Somehow, even windswept, Serizawa’s hair looked like a fine web of gold.

“Something like this…you can’t just ignore it. Not forever.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“So you’ll go to the hospital?”

Reigen hummed, “Let me have tonight at least. I don’t want to think about it.”

Serizawa watched him closely, his hands twisting together. Finally, he said, “Okay. But there’s…something else I wanted to speak to you about. Is that okay?”

Reigen frowned. This sounded serious. Perhaps it was the thing Serizawa had tried to tell him a the bar. “Sure. What is it?”

Serizawa rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not sure how to…”

Reigen chuckled, the sound completely foreign to him. “Don’t ask me for advice on how to talk.”

Serizawa didn’t smile back. “That’s actually…It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while.”

Reigen nodded quickly. His heart was dancing an uneven rhythm. Something he wanted to tell me for a while?

Serizawa continued, “I told you a while ago…that I wasn’t sure if I was happy. But, spending more time with you these past few weeks has been…nice.”

“Nice, huh?”

Serizawa’s face flushed, “Yes. I’ve enjoyed it. Despite the circumstances. I meant to talk to you about it, for your advice. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.” Reigen said. “You know, you can tell me anything.”

“I just…Don’t know how you’ll feel about it. Truthfully, I’ve been worrying about a way to tell you for a while now.”

Reigen’s eyebrows shot up before he could stop them. He tried to reign in his anticipation. “It’s okay. You’ve listened to my…issues. I’ll lend an ear.”

Serizawa chewed his lip. At last, he nodded, as if urging himself on. “I was finding Sato Corp to be quite stressful. I…I don’t think I like it there.” Serizawa’s shoulders had fallen forward, his broad back a barrier against the world. “The expectations are very high. And the people I work with…they’re nice enough, I suppose. But they want me to do things I don’t want to.”

Reigen looked at him sharply. “Like what?”

Serizawa huffed. “Nothing bad. Just…they go out every evening after work. Drinking and gambling, and …” Serizawa’s voice dropped to a hushed whisper, “Womanising.”

“Ah.” Reigen nodded. Work culture was something he was at least slightly knowledgeable in. “It’s generally how things go in these big companies. One of the reasons I quit was to avoid that. I mean, you’ve seen how well I handle liquor.” He purposefully left out the womanising point, but he felt it was obvious enough that he wasn’t good at that either. The thought of Serizawa, blushed and drunken and talking to women, turned his stomach.

“I feel as though I’m acting. It’s not me.” Serizawa sighed. “I tried, at first. The guys at work said I’d get used to it, that it was fun when you gave it a chance. You know, sometimes we don’t even go home. Sometimes we stay out the whole night, and go right back to work. The bosses don’t even care how we look, as long as we’re working.”

Reigen thought of the times where Serizawa had shown up, tired and rumpled, his suit half buttoned. What had happened on those nights? Reigen knew what kind of men worked at places like Sato Corp. What lengths had Serizawa gone to in order to fit in?

Serizawa continued, “I had been thinking about it for a while, but the night I met you in the bar…I had come straight from a hotel.” His hands shook, so he trapped them between his knees and stared at them like they’d betrayed him. “It was…I didn’t…” He shook his head as a composed himself. “I didn’t want to do it.”

Reigen was speechless. His mind was racing. “What happened.”

“The guys from work had—they told me to go there. To the hotel. They said it was a surprise, to celebrate my success at work. My boss had even paid for it. I thought it might have been some kind of spa package.”

Reigen’s heart almost broke at Serizawa’s innocence. He knew where this was headed, but he bit his tongue.

“They had…hired someone. A woman. To…uh….Well. She said my colleagues had told her I was too uptight. That I needed…loosening up. And I—“

“Serizawa, it’s okay. You don’t have to—”

“I didn’t do anything.” Serizawa said, almost petulantly. “She tried to kiss me. I just left.”

“Right.” Reigen said, if only to fill the space. “Because you didn’t want to?”

“I didn’t want to.” Serizawa affirmed sharply. His hands were twitching, still trapped between his knees. He still stared downwards. He seemed almost…ashamed.

“That’s okay.” Reigen said, keeping his voice calm, but firm.

“Is it? I know I’m supposed to…want that. Anyone else would have—”

Reigen chuckled. “It doesn’t make you weird, if that's what you’re thinking. For the record, I wouldn’t spring for that sort of thing either.” He said it lightheartedly, half hoping Serizawa would catch his meaning, and knowing that he wouldn’t.

Serizawa shook his head. “Ever since then, at work…it’s become a joke. That I couldn’t do it. They thought it was funny. They said it was an initiation, something they do to all the newbies.” Serizawa said, “I thought about how you never did anything like that to me, not once the entire time I worked at Spirits and Such. And that made me realise that the people I work with, they aren’t good people.”

“Oh, Right.” Reigen said stupidly.

“I’ve been there for a while now.” Serizawa continued, “Sato Corp, that is. And I thought it was what I was meant to do. It’s a job I’m good at, and it pays well, and…I thought it was my purpose. And maybe, I could just learn to live with the other stuff. But when you and I did that job together, and we helped Miss Kanshudo and her brother, I remembered how I used to help people. And how happy it made me.”

Reigen realised what this conversation had been leading to.

And maybe, in another world, it would have made Reigen happy to hear. But in this world, Reigen hadn’t been anybody’s future even before the phone call from the hospital. His father’s voice spoke in his head about career progression and climbing the corporate ladder, no matter what it took. Reigen had chosen to leave that life behind on a whim, but his father had been right. He was stuck now.

And he didn’t want that for Serizawa.

He wanted to see him happy, successful, maybe even married. And if that were to happen, Reigen knew he couldn’t be involved.

“Serizawa, this doesn’t mean you should come back to work at Spirits and Such! You’re better than that. There are other jobs!” Reigen flung his hands up, his cigarette trailing smoke through the air, “So, the people at Sato Corp are dicks. But there are other options, not just…me.”

“If I don’t enjoy Sato Corp, I don’t think I’ll enjoy the other office jobs. They’re all the same. It’s just another room to lock myself in.”

“I get it. But you really think psychic work is any better? It’s a dead end.”

“No, it’s impactful. It’s helping people.” Serizawa spoke with passion, “I want to help people. I want to help you to keep helping people.”

“Serizawa, you’ve more than—“

“Would you please listen to me?” Serizawa said. His voice had been building the whole time they’d been speaking, and now there was a slight edge to it.

Reigen was stunned into silence.

“I’m trying to tell you, I’m not happy. Not at that place, not with people who want me to be something I’m not. And I know you think you’re holding me back, or that I shouldn’t be spending all this time with you, but the truth is…The only time I’ve felt truly at ease since leaving my room all those years ago is when I’m out on a job with you. Or filing paperwork at the office, with you. Or even just sitting at a bar and pretending to be drunk with you so you don’t feel bad about being a lightweight. I guess what I’m saying is, you make me feel…safe. Like my umbrella did. But you don’t hold me back. I like that.”

Reigen was frozen. What he imagined was happening was an impossibility. Things like this didn’t just happen to people like Reigen. People like Reigen went home and held company with the buzz of the TV and deserved it. They didn't earn respect, or companionship. They maintained friendships, but from a safe distance. They didn’t get too close.

But, uncaring of impossibility, Serizawa placed a warm hand over Reigen’s.

Reigen’s heart might have stopped. His senses rushed to the fore, hoping to get something out that was semi-coherent. “Glad to be compared to an umbrella.” He managed to say jokingly, hoping to cut the tense atmosphere.

Serizawa didn’t react, as though he hadn’t heard Reigen at all. He had started on his script, and like a train following tracks, he couldn’t be diverted midway through. He continued, “Maybe I don’t always know what’s right for me. But I don’t think I can pretend to be someone I’m not anymore. I just…I wanted to tell you, before anyone else.”

Reigen’s mind raced. Was this a confession? It was hard to tell with Serizawa. He wasn’t the best with his emotions, and often muddled his words. Did he mean what he said? He hadn’t moved his hand. He was looking at Reigen with quite an intense expression. He was waiting for Reigen to say something.

“Okay.” Reigen said dumbly.

“I quit my job.” Serizawa said.

“I’m sorry, what?” Reigen blurted. He pulled his hand out from under Serizawa’s so that he could grab the rope of the swing and avoid pitching forward into the sand.

“I handed in my notice this afternoon.” Serizawa said. He sounded strangely proud. “I didn’t plan to, I was going to speak to you first, but you didn't reply to my message.”

So that’s what that was about.

Serizawa continued, “But I realised I didn’t need to be told what to do. I knew what I wanted. I wanted to help you again, at Spirits and Such. I didn’t want anything else to stand in the way.” Serizawa said sternly. “So, I quit.”

“You…” Reigen murmured, unable to decide if he was incredibly happy or incredibly angry at Serizawa right now. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I told you why.”

Reigen sighed. “I get it. But you can’t just do this because you feel sorry for me. I was doing fine on my own with Spirits and Such. I won’t…this won’t last forever.”

Serizawa’s eyes narrowed, “You’re still not listening to me.”

“No, I get it. You want to do what makes you happy. Guess what? So did I.” Reigen said bitterly. “You think I started up a psychic business to follow my heart? This is the real world. People stay in jobs they hate because they have to, they don’t go running off to follow their hearts.”

“You’re lying again. You don’t hate your work. You’re just using it to make a point. And it’s all for nothing because I’m not going back there.” Serizawa said stubbornly.

Reigen didn’t want to argue, but his words seemed to come sharper these days. He reigned himself in. He was quickly tipping over into anger at Serizawa’s choice. “I just don’t want you to make a huge mistake.” He said placatingly.

“I don’t care about that.” Serizawa said, a little petulant.

“I do!” Reigen snapped back, losing composure just as he’d gained it. “If you come back to work for me, then what? What kind of life is that? Even Mob couldn’t wait to get away.”

“You know that’s not true.” Serizawa said. “It was just time for him to move on.”

“Yes!” Reigen threw his arms up, “Same as you! Eventually, everyone moves on. They grow out of the office, they grow out of me! You don’t need me anymore, so just…do what everyone else does and move on!”

Reigen knew it was self-sabotage. But he needed Serizawa to understand the gravity of the choice he was set on making. 

Serizawa’s face had become unreadable, but the unoccupied rope swing on the other side of Reigen began to float supernaturally, belying his feelings. “It’s not about needing you.” His voice was raising. “It’s not about paying you back, or owing you a favour. Not everything is a transaction.”

“For me, it is.” Reigen said.

Serizawa’s voice raised an octave. “Is it so hard to accept that I want to spend time with you?”

“Yes! Did you not hear the first half of the conversation? I am not your future!”

“That’s not your choice to make. I won’t let you keep pushing me away.” Serizawa said, his voice carefully level.

“I’m right, Serizawa. I often am. You’re just being too stubborn to see it. You’ll regret it. You will.” The hairs on Reigen’s arms were raising with the charge in the air. He felt a jolt of fear as he realised the park bench and trash cans had joined the swings in floating, but his fear was soon overridden with anger.

He felt betrayed, but he couldn’t quite untangle the feeling enough to realise why.

“Don’t tell me how I feel.” Serizawa said.

“I’m not!” Reigen shouted, then took a deep breath the steady himself. He didn’t want to argue, but somehow, here he was making things worse. “I’m sorry. But you can’t just throw everything away like that. Not on me. That’s just childish.”

“Doing what other people tell you to do is childish.” Serizawa’s hair was starting to twitch and stand on end. “Refusing to accept help when you clearly need it is childish. Stop treating me like I can’t handle things!”

“I’ll stop treating you like a child when you stop being so impulsive. What, do you just follow anyone who offers you an ideal?”

“It’s not like that.” Serizawa said firmly, “That’s not why I’m doing this.” The trees on the edge of the park shuddered. Their leaves shook. The dirt around their roots cracked. The grass tugged against the ground.

The force of his telekinesis in the air threatened to carry Reigen along with it, but he stood his ground and kept his distance.

“No. No, you only stuck around to help me because I was the first person to actually treat you like a human. But not everyone is bad—in fact, most people are better than me. And you’ll find someone like that. But you won’t find that if you come back to Spirits and Such.” Reigen said.

“You’re being selfish. You’re not listening to me.”

“You think I’m being selfish? You think you know the real world because you’ve finally started living in it?” Reigen said sharply. “Well, get ready for a rude awakening.” He knew he was going for low blows now, his nerves frayed beyond repair. That was all that was at the base of him, wasn’t it? All that was left when he felt threatened. His precious isolation was being invaded, and all he could think to do was lash out like a wild animal. That was the real Arataka Reigen.

The worst part was, he had fantasised about Serizawa coming back to Spirits and Such ever since he’d left. And he wanted this, more than anything. But the vision of Serizawa’s successful life, the one that he’d worked so hard to achieve, was fleeting.

“The future isn’t me.” Reigen said. There’s nothing for me but dead ends. I don’t understand how you can’t see how you’ve damned yourself along with me.” Reigen said, his voice almost a whisper.

Serizawa’s expression morphed in something searching, his lashes flickering as he stared at Reigen. His gaze was so intense, it was as though he was trying to find something hidden in Reigen’s face. Reigen, for once, didn’t think he was hiding anything.

After a few moments, he heard the various airborne items crash back to the ground.

“You really hate yourself that much?” Serizawa said in a shattered voice.

And that was enough for Reigen.

He needed to get away. He couldn't listen to shit like that.

Tears were prickled his eyes, and he couldn’t be watched any longer. Not pinned under Serizawa’s concerned gaze.

He walked quickly across the park, unable to look back. Serizawa didn’t say anything as he retreated. He was probably thinking about how much of a coward Reigen was.

Reigen was running purely on adrenaline at this point. He was seeing the koi in the corners of his vision, which was usually a bad sign. He barely made it to the riverside before his legs buckled beneath him. He tried to make the transition to the floor look as though he’d just decided to take a seat, but he landed awkwardly on his hands.

He didn’t know how long he sat there. The sun was retreating on the horizon, taking with it any residual heat in the air. It shimmered in silver on the surface of the river. Reigen shivered and pulled his coat closer around him. Serizawa had probably left him here. He’d leave himself here too, the way he’d lashed out. He felt worse when he thought of how happy Serizawa had been to announce he wanted to work with Reigen again.

Reigen should have been happy about it too. Why wasn’t he happy? Serizawa had admitted Reigen was the reason he left Sato Corp, Reigen was the one who made him happy. And Reigen felt the same. But it wasn’t how the world worked in reality. It might have worked in shitty TV shows that ran in the background of Reigen’s apartment, but not in real life.

He wondered if he could go to Sato Corp, maybe do some begging or bribing and see if he could persuade them to take Serizawa back? Maybe it wasn’t too late.

He sighed. That wasn’t what Serizawa wanted, was it? He’d been trying to tell Reigen for months now. He wasn’t happy there. And the men he worked with…they were the kind of men Reigen had fought to leave behind himself.

Reigen rubbed some warmth into his arms. He watched the koi dance over the grass, skimming the river’s edge. They were obtrusive in their appearance nowadays, no longer coy with teasing the odd fin. They’d become a new normal. He wondered if the hallucinations stemmed from something in his brain, or something in his mind. Real, or imagined? Where did he draw the line?

He was thinking of curling up and staying here, hitting rock bottom all at once, or dragging himself to his feet and back to his apartment.

Then he noticed a dark shadow in his peripheral.

He looked around. Serizawa was easing himself down to sit on the grass beside Reigen. Well, this looks even more ridiculous than if we were sitting on the swings. But he was glad he’d stayed. It meant Serizawa was willing to listen, unlike Reigen had been. It meant he hadn’t completely screwed up.

“I’m an idiot.” Reigen said, sapped of energy, the fight gone from him. “I shouldn’t have said what I did.” He hadn’t wanted to fight to begin with, especially not with Serizawa. If it hadn’t been him, it would have been Tome, or Dimple, or Mob, or whoever else happened to fall in his crosshairs.

“Me neither.” Serizawa murmured.

Reigen took a deep breath in, then out. He steeled himself. “I’m sorry.”

The edge of Serizawa’s lip pulled up in a crooked grin, soft and understated. “Did you find that hard?”

“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I said some stupid things.”

Serizawa shrugged. The fight seemed to have fled him too. “I shouldn’t have rushed in with telling you I quit Sato Corp. I didn’t realise you’d feel responsible…” He was back to nibbling his lip nervously, “But I meant what I said. I intend to follow my heart from now on. I guess…it led me to you. That’s my choice.”

Reigen laughed. “So cheesy. You could’ve just asked me to hang out more.”

“Hey, I spent half of my life locked in a room. Forgive me if I go about things the wrong way.” Serizawa was back to his usual sheepish self. He swiped a hand over his face, hiding his embarrassment. “So…does that mean you’ll have me back? I can come work for you again?”

“Well,” Reigen said, “I guess what’s done is done. Besides, I didn’t fire you, you’re the one who left. I even wrote you a reference. But, I can’t exactly leave you unemployed.”

“Thank you. I’m just sorry I didn’t discuss it with you first.”

“Yeah, yeah, well you can come back to Spirits and Such on one condition.”

Serizawa’s face went comically serious, “Anything!”

“If you come back, you come as my equal. None of this boss and subordinate, you’re better than that.”

“Really?” Serizawa said energetically. Reigen could almost see stars in his eyes.

“You realise this is still a step down from Sato Corp, right?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Just don’t tell Tome.” Reigen said, “I can’t afford to pay you both decent wages. And seriously, lose the handkerchief, it makes you look like a grandpa.”

“Oh, right.” Serizawa touched the fold of colourful fabric that stuck out of his top pocket self consciously. “I guess everyone at the office was wearing things like this, so I felt like I should too.”

Reigen chewed on the silence for a moment. It was almost dark now, and he felt like he was going to pass out again. He’d rather not do it in a park. He was reminded of the call from the clinic, lingering over him. Serizawa was going to make him go to the hospital. He could think of at least ten things he’d rather do, but he had to admit, the thought of Serizawa accompanying him did go some way to soften the blow.

“Are we going to sit here all night?” Reigen said, “I’m going to freeze to death.”

“It’s almost summer. It’s not cold.” Serizawa said, gesturing at his shirt.

Reigen tried not to stare. “My point remains.”

“Okay, we should probably…Come on.” Serizawa said. He got to his feet and offered his hand. “Can you walk? I…saw you stumble there.”

“Yes.” Reigen said quickly, frowning. “Where are we going?” He hoped not their separate ways.

“My apartment. I’ll cook.” Serizawa said. “Don’t complain.”

Complaining hadn’t crossed his mind, but jumping for joy had. As complicated as his feelings were, Reigen was glad at the prospect of spending more time with Serizawa.

Reigen took Serizawa’s hand and pulled himself to his feet. His legs felt unsteady beneath him, but Serizawa didn’t seem to mind supporting his weight. Serizawa wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Reigen was sure that, to strangers, he seemed like a drunken businessman held up by his drinking buddy. He didn’t think he’d ever been this close to anyone, emotionally or physically—though it was the physical that was eating up most of his brain cells currently.

They walked, slowly and awkwardly, for a few blocks. Reigen wondered if he should be reading into Serizawa’s closeness.

“Did you mean it?” Serizawa said.

“What?” Reigen murmured. He felt half-asleep already. Serizawa was warm at his side. He wondered if Serizawa would carry him if he pretended to pass out.

“When you said you couldn’t be in my future.” Serizawa said, and Reigen could feel his chest rumble against his ribs. “Do you think it’s impossible?”

Reigen took a long moment to think. “I’m not great at maintaining close, uh, relationships. That’s before all this happened, and now I don’t even know…” He cut himself off. He didn’t know. “But I promise I’ll stop avoiding you. I’ll take your damn help. But only because you wouldn’t stop trying to do the right thing. You’re as bad as Mob.”

Serizawa grinned, “That’s a good thing. We can all learn from Shigeo.”

“Yeah, I knew you’d say something like that.” Reigen looked up at Serizawa. “You’ve really thought about this, huh?”

Serizawa smiled, his eyes on guiding them towards the metro. At least one of them cared if they got home.

“Maybe.” Serizawa said coyly. He seemed to enjoy keeping his cards close to his chest.

That was fine by Reigen—he didn’t think he could handle anything else this evening.

Chapter Text

I can’t tell one from the other.

Did I find you, or you find me?

There was a time before we were born.

If someone asks, this is where I’ll be.

This Must Be the Place by the Talking Heads

For better or worse, Serizawa had chosen Reigen over his job.

Reigen didn’t know how that resulted in him laying on Serizawa’s couch and watching him cook, but he wasn’t going to complain. Serizawa had apparently recently found a passion for cooking, because Reigen had seen the state of his apartment while he’d worked at Spirits and Such before. The guy loved instant noodles. Now however, he was adding spices and frying chicken with skill. Maybe the corporate training at Sato Corp had included cooking classes?

Serizawa turned and smiled.

“Bear with me. It’ll be ready soon.”

Reigen tried to smile back. He wished he was hungry, but the truth was, he just wanted to sleep. Serizawa seemed to cotton onto his fatigue, and had silently folded a blanket over the end of the couch.

“If you’re too tired, you could…sleep here?” Serizawa suggested as he dished up the curry and set it on the table.

Reigen liked the idea, and not just because the thought of walking home alone didn’t much appeal to him, but he wouldn’t let himself admit that out loud. Instead, he said, “Oh yeah, I suppose the trains will stop running soon. Makes sense.” He stifled a yawn and dragged himself upright to join Serizawa at the table.

“Okay.” Serizawa smiled knowingly, “You’re welcome to stay. I can sleep on the couch, you can take the bed.”

Reigen defaulted to damage control as he took his first bite of curry. “Nah, this is your place. I couldn’t just take the bed.”

“It’s fine. You’re my guest.”

“I’ll take the couch.” Reigen countered.

“Hm. We’ll see.” Serizawa said with an edge of mystery.

“I’m so tired I probably won’t even notice where I crash.”

“Try to aim for somewhere soft.”

“Serizawa, was that a joke?”

Serizawa’s mouth twisted, but he didn’t say anything.

Reigen ate quickly.

He was sure it tasted good, but food was usually the first thing to go out the window when he felt like shit. He was only eating because Serizawa had put it in front of him and allowed him to stay over and Reigen refused to insult him any further that evening.

He was still reeling, though he hoped it didn’t show on his face.

He couldn’t believe he had snapped at Serizawa like that, but equally, he couldn't believe that Serizawa had quit his ticket to success like it was so easy. Thinking of it brought a little surge of anger to the fore, but he didn’t know if it was anger at Serizawa, or at life in general.

He dropped his spoon.

“Not hungry?” Serizawa asked.

“Hmm. It’s been a weird few days.” Reigen said in way of reply, though it didn’t really answer the question. “Sorry.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“I would if you’d let me.” Serizawa said, “But you seem to have an aversion to…”

Reigen laughed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah, I guess I haven’t exactly been great at telling the truth, have I?”

“Well, the truth is harder to tell for a reason. Lies can be whatever you make of them. Truth just is.” Serizawa said wistfully. Reigen wondered if he’d ripped them from a manga or a TV show, or if he’d simply become sage with wisdom in his thirties. He continued, “But…I’m not stupid. Despite my naivety, I’d like to think I know you well enough that I can tell you’ve been lying. And I know you’ve been struggling for a while. In truth, we all noticed something was wrong with you, even Shigeo and the others. But you kept telling everyone you were fine.”

Reigen pushed his bowl away. “Alright, kick me while I’m down, why don’t you?”

“And I know you dislike sympathy…” Serizawa said, “But I just wanted you to know, if you need to talk, you don’t need to lie to me. The truth doesn’t scare me like it scares you.”

“Did you quit Sato Corp to take up a job as my therapist?” Reigen muttered. He wanted to be grateful, but Serizawa was right. The truth scared him, more than evil spirits or the thought of talking to his mom in person.

Serizawa collected their bowls, smiling gently. He moved to the sink and ran the tap. Reigen swept up his mug and the remaining cutlery on the table. If he was invading Serizawa’s space, he might as well help.

The sound of water cascading over the dishes set Reigen on edge, though he couldn’t put his finger on why. It seemed like an irrational, primal fear, until he remembered almost being drowned by the evil water spirit. He touched his throat absently. He’d meant what he had told Tome. He had really thought he was a goner then. Seemed he still was, it was just taking a little longer than expected.

But he wondered how long it would take for something like that to happen again. If Serizawa truly wanted to come back to Spirits and Such, was it just to make sure Reigen didn’t get himself killed? He’d said it was what made him happy, but was that the truth? Reigen didn’t know, and as much as Serizawa wore his heart on his sleeve with courage not often found in a thirty year old shut-in, this time Reigen was finding him hard to read.

One thing was evident; something had changed between them.

The empty silence between them felt uncomfortable, whereas before it had been companionable. Reigen couldn’t place exactly what felt different now from the dozens of times he’d been around Serizawa’s apartment before when he’d first started up at Spirits and Such. It was something electric, like waiting for a storm to break, or the penny to drop, or some other cliche Reigen was too tired to use.

He dried up the dishes while Serizawa washed. The clatter of the dishes reminded him of the background noise of the TV at his own apartment; the sound of a life that he was involved in. They worked methodically together, same as they did on a case. In a way, it was easy, even with the strange air between them.

Serizawa’s hands were flushed pink under the hot water, his veins prominent and creating maps on the backs of his hands. There were silvery scars on his knuckles and fingers, defence wounds from psychic battles and exorcisms. Reigen’s own hands were almost unblemished in comparison.

He wondered distantly if anyone had ever bought into his lies.

After the dishes, Serizawa clicked on the TV and told Reigen to wait for him on the couch. He disappeared into his room and returned quickly, having changed into a shirt with a promotional graphic for a gundam anime and a pair of sweatpants. He had another set of clothing folded over his arm, neat as a butler with a napkin. He passed them politely to Reigen.

There was still a strange silence between them, a pane of glass that neither man could bring himself to break. Serizawa seemed as though he was waiting for something.

Since Reigen couldn’t work out what, he instead accepted the clothes he’d been offered and excused himself to the bathroom to change out of his suit. He didn’t need to ask where it was, but it still felt odd to be walking through someone else's apartment without being led.

Serizawa’s bathroom was lit much brighter than Reigen’s own dingy bathroom. He lived in a much more modern apartment block. There was even a tiny window set into the wall, upon which Serizawa had lined up a few gacha toys where Reigen might put a plant.

When he caught himself in the mirror he had to double-take.

His skin was paler than he’d ever seen it. He could make out the dark bruise of his veins and capillaries twisting around his neck. His eyes seemed sunken, lined by dark circles the colour of rain-heavy clouds. His hair was mussed and his dark roots had grown out beyond an acceptable length. Even he could admit, he didn’t look well.

No wonder Serizawa was worried.

He slid out of his slacks and changed them for the soft cotton pyjama bottoms that he’d been handed. He had to tie the drawstring tight to get them to stay up, since Serizawa was a few sizes bigger than him. They still hung low on his hips.

He unbuttoned his shirt and folded it roughly on top of his discarded slacks. The skin on his torso and arms was much the same story; pale and sickly looking. He ran his hands down his arms, fighting the bone-deep chill. He couldn’t even escape it in Serizawa’s apartment.

Then he noticed something.

A small mark, on the crook of his elbow. Actually, quite a few marks, in a small cluster, all gathered together like commuters on a train. Tiny pin-prick marks, surrounded by a fading bruise, turning green with age.

He ran his index finger over them. They were raised slightly, and reddened with irritation. The veins around the marks were darkened, violet beneath his sickly skin.

He realised what it looked like; track marks. Except, unless he’d adopted a Jekyll and Hyde kind of secret life, he knew for a fact he’d never taken any substances. But there they were, clear as day.

Except, any needle could cause track marks. For example, an IV line.

He met his own eyes in the mirror, and felt something cold drop to the bed of his stomach.

He tried to count the needle marks, but there were too many to possibly keep the number straight. Why had he not noticed before? He’d been distracted, sure, but he wasn’t completely unobservant.  He’d taken showers and rolled up his sleeves, and still hadn’t noticed the dark smear on his own arm? Could it be that he had a mark for every time he’d woken up in that hospital in the other place and ripped out his IV line?

Did that make it real? As well as the other evidence he’d found, like the water mark in his office, and how everyone who lived there seemed to go about their own lives and knew things Reigen himself couldn’t possibly know.

Reigen’s mind raced. He clutched his arm.

It was proof the dreams were real.

If he showed anyone, they would just think he was a junkie. How could he prove it? He shivered. He could almost see his own breath puff out in front of him, but Serizawa had turned the thermostat up for Reigen when they’d first arrived. There was no way it was that cold.

Then he felt something. Cold air across the shell of his ear.

It sounded like words.

It sounded like—

Wake up.

He looked up. The mirror had gone dark.

Even his own reflection was absent. Then he realised the whole room had gone dark. The light above him had turned off somehow. He had been plunged into total blackness. Reigen couldn’t even make out his own hands in front of him. The room smelt like mildew, and not like Serizawa’s apartment at all.

Drip.

A bead of water rolled over the edge of the sink and splashed onto the floor.

Drip.

He felt as though he’d been transported somewhere entirely different. It didn’t even feel like he was inside anymore. He could feel a faint breeze against his bare skin, raising the hairs along his arms and neck. Reigen cast a hand out in front of him, catching the edge of the porcelain sink.

It was wet.

He felt along the edge, then into the basin. He realised the sink was completely full with water, icy cold. He pulled back his hand in shock.

When he looked back up, there was something in the mirror.

Right in the centre, a wink of light in the darkness, like a tiny, distant star. The longer he stared, the more he managed to make out. It was a small blue light, which twisted like a tiny flame. He moved closer, and so did it. It seemed to reach out to him. The flame burned brighter as he got closer, and died down when he pulled back.

He wondered if it would be warm when touched.

Reigen braced his hands on the cold side of the sink, feeling the water spill over the edge. He leaned as close as he could to the mirror. Something about the twitching blue flame entranced him. He knew, in his heart, that it was reaching for him. It wanted him. It needed him.

Drip. Crack.

What was that sound?

The water must’ve filled, and tripped off the deer scarer, he thought. He turned back to the mirror. Deer scarer? The thought had come so easily, but it was impossible. Why was he hearing it here? He was in—

Crack.

The blue light was almost close enough now to make out. It looked like a hand. It reached out to him, unfurling icy fingers. Reigen felt compelled to reach back. He wanted to be warmed by its flame.

He leaned forwards, his nose almost touching the mirror. The water was starting to fill the room and seep into his socked feet. It was bone-chillingly cold, but something about it comforted him. The cold brought numbness, and that brought an absence of pain. 

The hand breached the confines of the mirror and reached through, fingers twitching to grasp something. He couldn’t see into the darkness beyond the hand, couldn’t see who was on the other side, but he knew it wanted him.

Crack.

He reached back. But he was wrong.

It wasn’t warm.

It just wanted him to think it was.

His fingertips brushed against the palm of the hand made of blue light and he felt the cold seep into his bones, and there was no pain. The warmth fled his blood. The air fled his lungs. He felt as though he was under water again, but he wasn’t scared this time.

This time, it was dark, and quiet. He was floating, painless.

Crack.

The hand curled around his own, soft but numbing. He grasped it back, waiting to be led away. Willing to be led away.

Bang, bang, bang.

Reigen blinked into the darkness.

Bang!

Reigen was suddenly aware of his wet clothes.

“Reigen!?”

He looked down at his hands, but they were empty. It was all empty. He wasn’t floating at all. He could hear water rushing from somewhere.

And someone was knocking on the door. Door? The bathroom door.

He was in someone’s bathroom, wasn’t he? Serizawa’s bathroom… Serizawa.

He stepped back, his feet splashing through a puddle of water. He blinked again, hard. The room lit up again, bright and merry. Like it had never been dark. The mirror was back to normal.

His haggard self stared petrified back at him, his eyes reddened and wet with tears. Suddenly, for the second time that day, everything seemed too much.

“Reigen, is everything okay?” Serizawa’s voice came urgently through the door.

The bathroom tap ran at full blast, water still pouring over the edge of the sink and dripping onto the floor. He didn’t remember turning it on. He scrambled to shut the tap off, and pull the plug from the sink. He got half-soaked in the process. The water wasn’t…normal. It was brown and full of silt, like it had been drawn up from a river bed rather than a filtered tap.

“I’m fine!” Reigen shouted back, hearing the tremor in his voice.

His words were redundant, though. Serizawa had opened the door.

“Sorry for coming in.” Serizawa said, his eyes wide with concern. He grasped the doorframe with white knuckles, as if afraid he might float away. “I could hear the water running, I thought you’d passed out again. Are you…crying?”

Reigen stood, half dressed and soaked. “No.” He sniffed as his eyes watered. There was a puddle around his feet, and the gurgle of the draining sink incriminated him.

“Okay…” Serizawa said, completely unconvinced. His eyes were darting around the room, “What, uh….What happened in here?”

“Uh…” Reigen was, for one of the only times in his life, lost for words. He didn’t know what had happened. But he’d promised Serizawa he’d try for truth. “I, uh, I’m not sure.” He ran a shaking hand through his hair. “The last thing I remember was getting changed out of my shirt, and then,” He gestured at the floor, still flooded.

“What happened to the water?” Serizawa asked. He was drawing his fingers through the silt plastered to the now-drained sink.

“I don’t know that, either.”

Serizawa rubbed his fingers together. “This is…”

“Just the tip of the iceberg, compared to the last few weeks. Trust me.” Reigen said weakly. He was scared if he said anything else, it would come out as a sob. He grabbed the well-worn hoodie Serizawa had provided and slipped it over his head, unable to stand the cold anymore. He pulled the sleeves down over his hands, hoping Serizawa hadn’t noticed the pin pricks on the crook of his arm.

Serizawa watched him for a long moment, then pressed his lips together. “You’re shivering. Come on.”

Reigen followed Serizawa mutely to the couch, giving the flooded bathroom a long glare as he left. “I’m sorry. I’ll clear that up.”

Serizawa waited until Reigen sat down, then took his place next to him. He passed over the blanket and Reigen pulled it around his shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m…” Reigen looked away. He fiddled with the string of the hoodie, his hands shaking. Serizawa’s scent was wafting up around him, his cheap aftershave and the smell of laundry detergent. He was borrowing Serizawa’s hoodie. He reminded himself that he was borrowing his company too. And it overwhelmed him.

Reigen’s head snapped up, his frustration bleeding out. “You know what? No. I’m not okay.”

Serizawa looked shocked for a moment, but his expression merged into comprehension.

“Here’s the truth.” Reigen said, folding his hands in his lap and trying to suppress his shivering. “I’m scared!” He laughed, and the laugh came out a little strangled as his throat constricted. Then the tears fell. The last three words rode out on a sob. “I’m just scared.”

There was silence as Serizawa waited.

“You were right.” He said wetly, “Okay? You’re right. I haven’t been fine for a while. Is that what you want me to say?”

“No.” Serizawa said softly. He grasped Reigen’s shoulders firmly.

For a moment, Reigen thought Serizawa was going to shake some sense into him. Then, his cheek hit the soft fabric of Serizawa’s stupid shirt, and he was breathing in the scent of the real Serizawa, not just the cheap hoodie, and he realised he was being hugged. He stiffened.

“I don’t want you to say anything you don’t want to.” Serizawa said into Reigen’s hair. “I’m not here to prove you wrong. I’ll…I’ll just be here to help where I can.” Serizawa said unsteadily. Despite his assurances, it seemed he was just as ill-prepared for the truth as Reigen was. His hands were a warm and gentle weight at the small of Reigen’s back.

Reigen sighed, feeling the breath stagger out of him. He relaxed a little, but he was still shaken by whatever had happened in the bathroom.

“The truth is,” Reigen said into Serizawa’s shirt, “I feel like I’ve been going crazy.”

“Crazy?” Serizawa’s chest rumbled beneath him.

He pulled back, feeling Serizawa’s arms fall from around him. Serizawa kept a hand on Reigen’s arm and waited. Reigen didn’t tell him to move it. Though the simple touch was making it hard to concentrate, he allowed himself to accept a rare olive branch of comfort.

“If we’re being honest, no holds barred?” Reigen said, trying to still his quivering voice. He scrubbed his tears away with the cuff of his sleeve. “I haven’t slept properly for over a month because each time I do, I wake up in this dead hospital in a twisted version of the world where nobody knows me because—get this—I’m somehow in the past.” Reigen ticked off on his fingers, “I met you in there, except you were still in your room in your twenties and couldn’t control your power. Mob was there, but he was a little kid. Oh, and the sky wants to kill me.”

“…Right.”

“And the things I see in the dreams keep bleeding into reality, and and now I’m hearing things, and I can’t even tell if this is the dream because the other world feels so real. And there’s stuff that happens in there that I couldn’t know.”

“Reigen, that’s…”

“Crazy? Yeah, you don’t have to tell me twice. So, okay, I’m scared. Terrified, actually. I keep thinking the next time I go to sleep, maybe this’ll be the time that I don’t wake up. Or I’ll get stuck in the other place. Because things like that,” He pointed at the bathroom door, at the water seeping under the door, “keep on happening. And I thought I could do it all on my own, because I’m meant to be the great Arataka Reigen, all powerful psychic. Things usually work out for me. I thought maybe it would go away once you exorcised that spirit, but it didn’t. Then the call from the doctor made it all make sense; this is some craziness caused by the same thing that killed my dad. Some poison, crouching in my head, waiting to kill me.”

Serizawa’s expression was unreadable for a second, then he said, “Do you believe that?” It was the way you’d speak to a cornered animal, which made Reigen feel even more unhinged.

“You think I’ve lost it, don’t you?”

“I didn’t say that. I asked if you believed it.” Serizawa took a deep breath. “The other world…it only happens when you’re unconscious? Is that where you go when you pass out?”

Reigen nodded, “If I fall asleep normally, it feels more like a dream. But when I pass out, I get sucked in. It’s like I’m really there. Like, I had a conversation with your mother over a cup of tea kind of real.”

“Oh. I see.”

“You think I’m lying?”

“Well, you didn’t want to tell me. You kept it to yourself for as long as possible…And you only told me when you felt you had to.” Serizawa said, his voice still low and soft, like he was afraid to frighten Reigen. “So that means it’s most likely the truth.”

“Yeah, that checks out.” Reigen huffed, knowing when his goose had been cooked. 

“Reigen, it’s normal to be scared about something like this. It sounds awful. I knew something was happening, but…why didn’t you tell anyone? About anything? Why didn’t you ask for help?”

Reigen shrugged. “I’m not supposed to need help.” Reigen considered his hands, shaking, folded into his lap. He’d never spoken this openly before, but it was like Serizawa had pulled out some kind of plug. It felt cathartic, in a way, to get it all out now.

He might have even felt safe with Serizawa.

It was a strange feeling for him to process, like he was blowing the dust from an old buried memory.

Reigen continued, “You don’t understand—I’ve been independent for years. Even as a kid, I never really—” He regathered himself. “I’ve never…needed anyone before. Not like this. I mean, I’m meant to be the constant. I’m the guy you can always come back to, and I’ll be waiting there in the office, the same as always. I’m meant to be the one who’s always okay.”

“But no one can be okay all the time, that’s…No one expects that of you, Reigen.”

“Well, I do.” Reigen looked away, staring at a spot on the floor so he wouldn’t have to look at Serizawa’s eyes full of sympathy. “It’s different for me. I could never do anything worthwhile on my own. But I can help others reach their potential, that’s what I’m good at. So, I decided that’s what I would do. That way, I could prove to my dad that I wasn’t the deadbeat loser he thought I was.”

“All this time…you’ve felt this way?”

Reigen smiled. “You know, I’ve always looked up to you. Even when I first met you. Because, despite the hand you’d been dealt in life, you never shied away from doing the right thing. Right from the start, you’ve always been saving me. But this is something I can’t be saved from.”

Serizawa’s eyes narrowed. He chewed his lip. “I don’t think that’s necessarily true.”

“For once, all I’ve told is the truth.”

“No. I mean, I don’t believe you when you say that you can’t be saved.” Serizawa squeezed Reigen’s knee. “I saw it again, in the bathroom. It’s why I got up to check on you. I…sensed something.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The spirit.”

“What?”

“The shadow I saw at your office, the same one I thought I exorcised from Doctor Hanegawa, the one I keep sensing snatches of. It was here.”

“Okay.” Reigen said slowly, “I don’t think I follow?”

Serizawa’s expression became intense as he leaned closer, “Reigen, I don’t think it’s something as simple as a brain tumour. I think the spirit wants you to think that.”

Reigen laughed desperately, “Okay, now that’s crazy.”

“Is it? I told you, I keep sensing it around you, but it’s like it’s hiding, barely visible.”

“What? So you think it’s hiding in me?”

“I think it’s…living off of you.”

“Like a parasite?”

Serizawa nodded.

Reigen stared at him. “That’s…”

“Think about it. Who performed the test that day in the clinic? Who could manipulate the results to present a certain way, and who had access to your medical history?”

Reigen felt another dawning realisation, one he should have made himself. “Doctor Hanegawa. But she was—“

“Possessed. By the same spirit I just saw seeping out from the bathroom.” Serizawa said. “And there’s something else…” He held out his hand. Reigen frowned, but offered his arm for Serizawa to take.

Serizawa’s left hand circled Reigen’s wrist while his right pulled up Reigen’s sleeve. He was firm, but still gentle in his grip. “I saw it, before you covered it up…”

“I was wrong. You do have a poker face.”

Serizawa’s eyes flicked up to meet Reigen’s. “I, uh, I notice more than you think.” He rubbed a thumb over the needle marks, which brought the pinpricks of pain back to life. “This is what convinced me.”

Reigen frowned down at Serizawa’s hands. “Convinced you I had a ghost parasite?”

“It reminded me of something I’d seen before.”

“Before? You mean, something you’ve exorcised before?”

Serizawa’s expression darkened. “No. I saw it on someone…after it was too late. I still don’t know how to exorcise it.”

“Oh, that’s encouraging. That makes me feel so much better.”

“Sorry…But this way, I know we can stop it. It’s still an evil spirit. That means there has to be a way to help you.”

“But that’s…Okay.” Reigen shook his head, “That’s no better though. You said it yourself. You couldn’t exorcise it, you said it was like it was impervious to your power. Either I find a way to exorcise this thing, or I die. That’s worse.”

“Worse? Reigen, this is good news.”

“Good news? At least with a tumour, I could fight that with treatment. How do we fight a spirit that can’t be exorcised?”

“Maybe we don’t. But we both know someone who could.” Serizawa said.

Reigen thought for a second, then sighed. “Mob.”

Serizawa frowned, “You don’t want his help?”

“I’d prefer not to have to ask at all.” He rubbed his eyes, which now felt gritty with dried tears. He let himself fall back into the couch. “It makes me a pretty lame master, doesn’t it.”

“It makes you someone who isn’t afraid to ask for help, which is a very brave quality…I won’t let you waste away because of your pride.”

Reigen chuckled. “No. I figured not. Alright, I’ll see if he can meet up.”

“I’ll call him. You need to rest.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” Reigen said, unmoving.

He let himself sink back into the couch. He’d meant it when he’d said he could crash anywhere, and taking Serizawa’s bed after flooding his bathroom seemed too much. “I’m sorry, I ruined your evening. I mean, I’m a mess, and you….I appreciate it.” Reigen told the ceiling. “Your help. And everything.”

“Of course.” Serizawa said immediately. “You were wrong, you know. You said I was always saving you. But, from my perspective, it was the other way around. So… I guess it’s better if we’re in this together.”

Reigen held out his hand, palm up. An offering.

Serizawa looked up, surprised. For a moment, his face flushed.

Then he placed his hand over Reigen’s. The warmth from the touch flooded through Reigen’s bloodstream. It did something to chase away some of the chill that still infected him from the bathroom incident.

Reigen laced their fingers together, soaking up the warmth. “Okay. We’re in it together then.”

Chapter Text

And you must be looking very old tonight. The devil will find work for idle hands to do. 

I stole and I lied, and why? Because you asked me to.

What Difference Does It Make? by The Smiths

Reigen was engulfed in Serizawa’s coat. The sleeves fell over his hands.

He’d come straight to the cafe from Serizawa’s apartment, so he’d had no time to go back to his own place to change. It meant he’d left wearing a strange amalgamation of his own and borrowed clothes. His suit, Serizawa’s coat and scarf.

Serizawa had shrugged, “I don’t need a coat. It’s warm out.”

Reigen hissed through his teeth, “Yeah, well when you’re having your energy sucked away by some kind of parasite ghost, things get pretty chilly.”

In the end, their sleeping arrangements had resulted in an interrupted night as they both fell asleep while lounging on the couch, and Reigen later woke up tucked into Serizawa’s bed with Serizawa himself nowhere to be found. He supposed he should be embarrassed that he was so easy to pick up and move, but something about it stoked the fire in his chest.

“How are you feeling today?” Serizawa asked as they walked from the station to the cafe they’d agreed to meet Mob at. The question seemed innocent enough, but his eyes kept darting to Reigen and away.

“I’m glad to have an answer, at least.” Reigen said. “Evil spirit is better than the alternative, I guess. At least now, I can convince myself I’m not crazy.”

“Did you visit that place again last night? The hospital?”

Reigen nodded. He had, but not in any conscious capacity. It was another one of the strange, floating dreams, where he was nothing but a leaf in the current. Buffeted by the swirling dream river, led along by the whims of his unconscious mind. He wondered if the spirit found it harder to get a grip on him when he was simply dreaming rather than fully unconscious.

He was glad that he could go back to blaming it all on a spirit, but it still left quite a few unanswered questions. Mostly concerning the hospital and the world beyond, the storm that looked back, and the screwed up timeline. Even Serizawa was stumped on what it all meant.

Serizawa seemed to have noticed Reigen was lost in his thoughts, because he cleared his throat and said, “It’ll be okay, you know?”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“I’m not sure about anything.” Serizawa chuckled, “My whole life has been nothing but uncertainty…”

“Maybe. But you’re pretty good at making the right call.” Reigen knocked shoulders with him as he walked, “Unlike me. Even I can admit, I’ve been pretty awful to you lately. I’ve been pushing you away because you didn’t need me anymore. That was—uh. Stupid of me.”

“Mmmhmm.” Serizawa hummed.

“So. I’m sorry.” Reigen admitted.

“People don’t need to…need each other, you know? That’s another of the lessons you taught me. It’s like…President Suzuki needed me to fight for him, and I needed him to convince me to leave my room. But you told me that you can keep someone around simply because you enjoy their company.”

“See, all this time I thought you kept me around for my sage wisdom and advice.” Reigen said jokingly.

“Hm, more for your excellent taste in friends and your charismatic disposition.” Serizawa shot back.

Reigen nodded. “I get it. I like spending time with you too.”

“Do you think Shigeo will know what to do?” Serizawa asked.

Reigen thought on this for a moment.

On one hand, Mob was likely the most powerful esper on the planet, meaning if he couldn’t exorcise the spirit, nobody could. On the other hand, Mob was a sensitive kid who took everything to heart, and Reigen would hate to make him worried. If Mob found he couldn’t save his master, what would he do? Would he be upset? Would he mourn Reigen? The thought of Mob crying sent a sinking feeling through Reigen’s chest.

When Serizawa had called Mob to ask to meet up, Reigen had almost called it all off. He was a grown man, he would need to stop calling on Mob for help someday. Instead, he’d listened to them speak on the phone in hushed, concerned voices, and felt awful. Because as much as he hadn’t wanted to ask, he knew Mob was probably one of the only people who could help him.

He was sick of being a burden to everyone around him.

It was in this line of self deprecating thought the night before that Serizawa had started snoring gently on the couch next to him, while the TV buzzed in the background. It had gone some way to quiet his mind.

“If Mob can’t help,” Reigen replied slowly, “It stops being his problem, okay? He’s got his own life, he doesn’t need to worry about me.”

Serizawa took a deep breath, in a long-suffering kind of way. “You’re trying to do the same thing to Shigeo as you did to me. He’ll want to help. Putting words in his mouth is actually pretty selfish of you.”

Reigen blinked hard as he processed Serizawa’s words. They were vaguely insulting, though Serizawa’s occasional nuggets of innocent truth usually were.

“Selfish? I was trying to keep everyone out of this whole mess, how is that selfish?”

“Because you weren’t willing to let him make that choice himself.” Serizawa said. “You shouldn’t treat him like a child anymore.”

“…right.” Reigen huffed. Reigen realised he’d really screwed up by trying to keep Serizawa out of this. He hadn’t considered that he’d be insulted by Reigen’s assumption that he wouldn’t want to get involved.

“I think they arrived before us.” Serizawa said.

Reigen was confused for a second, until he realised they’d reached the cafe. “Wait.” Reigen said, “What do you mean they? We were meeting Mob, right?”

“It seems he brought some friends.”

Reigen groaned. It was bad enough for his former student to see him in such a state, but now he was going to be a laughing stock amongst Mob’s friends. Again.

Serizawa went ahead to hold the door for a family exiting the cafe, smiling politely as a man holding a baby thanked him. He motioned for Reigen to enter before him, which he did while rolling his eyes. Reigen may have been half-dead, but at least chivalry was still kicking.

Once inside, Reigen spotted Mob quickly. He’d had quite the growth spurt when he’d hit sixteen, and now he was a full head taller than Reigen, much to his disdain. Though he’d grown up and things had changed, there were many things that had remained the same. His hair, for example, was still the same untextured bowl cut, though the face beneath it was much more expressive. And his love for fries hadn’t changed. He was currently conquering a mountain of them. And Serizawa was right; he wasn’t alone.

Teru and Ritsu sat on either side of him, like an angel and demon on his shoulders—though Reigen wasn’t sure which one was angel and which demon. It depended on the day.

Ritsu was typing on his phone, so he didn’t notice Reigen approaching, but Mob’s face brightened and Teru grinned.

“Hey Mob.” Reigen said when he reached their table. “Hanazawa. And Little Brother, too.”

Mob smiled, “Hello Master.”

“Yo.” Teru lifted a hand. He was wearing an outrageously purple summer shirt.

Ritsu shot Reigen a brief half-smile. He wasn’t happy, but he was trying to hide it.

Reigen didn’t know if it was for his or Mob’s sake.

“I didn’t realise you were bringing everyone here.” Reigen said, taking the seat opposite Mob. Serizawa, who had disappeared to the front of the store briefly, took the chair next to Reigen. He said his hellos and helped Reigen fold his coat over the back of the chair. Reigen fussed over Serizawa’s coddling, and when he turned back, he caught Teru and Ritsu sharing a knowing look over Mob’s head.

What a nightmare, Reigen thought.

“I’m sorry.” Mob said, “Should I have come alone?”

Reigen shook his head vigorously, his brain rattling around in his skull. “It’s fine. The more the merrier.”

“Kageyama told me you were in some kind of trouble.” Teru said, leaning his chin heavily on on his hand. “To be honest, I thought there’d be some kind of battle. Looks like you already fought and lost. Kind of disappointing.”

“You look like shit, old man.” Ritsu added with a crooked smile.

Mob shot them both disapproving looks, which shut them up more effectively than a smack around the back of the head.

“Well, you all look like you’re doing very well.” Reigen said, “See, kindness goes much further than being unnecessarily mean. You should have learned that by now from your big bro.” He aimed the last part at Ritsu, who rolled his eyes dramatically, but couldn’t fully hide his smile.

“Um.” Mob was folding a napkin on the table, over and over. He seemed nervous.

“What is it Mob?” Reigen asked.

“Well…Ritsu and Hanazawa have a point.” Mob admitted.

Reigen laughed, “Oh yeah, I know. I look like yesterday’s roadkill.”

“That’s rare.” Ristu said in a deadpan, “He’s telling the truth for once.”

“Ritsu.” Mob said. He’d seemed to intend to say more, but cut himself off.

Ritsu leaned back in his chair, so that the front two legs left the floor. Reigen remembered doing that in school and almost knocking himself out when the chair collapsed under him. The first of many head injuries, he supposed. It was a wonder he had any braincells left.

Though, when you had psychic powers, you didn’t have to worry about falling out of chairs. How nice.

“What? It’s clear Reigen just called you out here to use you for your powers again.” Ritsu said. He turned to Reigen, “It’s true, isn’t it? That’s why we’re here?”

Reigen bit his tongue. He knew Ritsu could be abrasive sometimes, but it seemed he was extra pissed off today. He wondered why.

Mob frowned at his brother.

Reigen held his hands up, “Listen, maybe this was—”

“Reigen didn't ask for Shigeo’s help…” Serizawa said. His voice was low and gentle, but his eyes were narrowed, “I did. Reigen didn’t want to bother him, but I thought Shigeo might want to make that decision himself.”

Ritsu looked surprised. He seemed to pick up on Serizawa’s meaning, and pressed his lips together. His eyes darted to Reigen. “Sorry.” He said, “Old habits.” He shot Reigen a self-deprecating smile.

“He used to dislike you.” Teru explained. “Quite a lot.”

Reigen smiled mildly, “That’s a surprise.”

Ritsu didn’t answer, only kept looking between Reigen and Serizawa like he was waiting for the next move.

A woman came over with a tray of hot drinks. Serizawa must’ve ordered when he’d disappeared to the front of the store. The waitress dished out the drinks; she set a tall mug of green tea in front of Reigen and coffees and teas amongst the rest of them. He sipped it, grateful for something to hold and warm up his freezing bones.

While he drank, Serizawa spoke for him.

“How much do you know?” Serizawa asked.

Mob shrugged. “Only what I’ve been told.”

“Told? By who?” Serizawa looked at Reigen, who shook his head. He certainly hadn’t told Mob anything; he’d had to be coerced into telling Serizawa the full story.

“Dimple visited me a few days ago…” Mob explained.

“That loose lipped bastard.” Reigen groaned.

Serizawa frowned at him. “What?”

Reigen sighed, “Dimple ambushed me when I first got the call from the hospital—about my results. At the time, I thought…Well, I thought I was ill. But I asked him in quite certain terms not to tell anyone.”

“This is Kageyama we’re talking about.” Teru pointed out, “Dimple wouldn’t be able to hide anything from him to save his afterlife.”

Ritsu nodded in agreement.

“So, is it true?” Mob asked. His eyes were wide and shining, which reminded Reigen of the young Mob he’d seen in his dreams. “Are you really…dying?”

“Of course not!” Reigen laughed nervously, “Listen, it was just a health scare. But it turned out to be something different entirely. Which means I’m fine. Right, Serizawa?”

Though he'd looked to Serizawa for encouragement, the other man’s face was deadly serious.

“It could be…worse. We think it’s some kind of parasite spirit. I don’t know when it latched on to him, but it seems to be much more cunning than other evil spirits I have encountered.” Serizawa explained. “I keep sensing it around Reigen, but I think it’s hiding behind him, using him as some sort of human shield. Or, it’s in so deep I can’t see it clearly.”

Mob’s brow was creased, a strange look on his face. “I sensed something when you came in, but it was almost as though it…adjusted to me. Once it knew I was looking, it hid deeper.”

“I felt a weird flicker,” Ritsu shrugged, “But I thought it was just residual energy from the spirits you pretend to exorcise.”

“Anyway,” Serizawa breezed through, “I’ve tried to exorcise it several times, but it just retreats further every time I do. It’s impossible for me.”

Reigen tapped his mug, watching it send ripples through his tea. He was reminded of the koi, and imagined them swirling around the mug. He wasn’t sure why he’d thought that.

“This thing is smart.” Reigen said, “It drags me into this other world every time I fall asleep, or pass out, which has been a lot recently. It’s not just any old world, it’s this place, but in the past.” Reigen thought of his last encounter with young Mob. “And when I’m in there, it watches me, like it’s curious to see what I’ll do. It’s the eye of a storm. Or, sometimes it takes the form of the people in that world. It’s hard to explain, but—”

Mob was frowning deeply now, his teeth worrying his lip. “An inner world? It sounds almost like…”

Ritsu turned to his brother, “You said Mogami had an inner world like that.” He said quickly, “Built just to break you.”

Mob nodded minutely, but fear flickered across his face. “It can't be him. He’s gone. Anyway, if it was him I’d be able to sense him.”

“Then…a similar spirit?” Serizawa said.

“Wasn’t Mogami like one of a kind when it comes to evil spirits?” Teru asked.

“He’d prepared for years before his death to be the ultimate spirit.” Ritsu said, “It would almost be impressive if he hadn’t been completely evil.”

Of course, Reigen knew all of this. He’d been the one hanging out with Mob’s lifeless body while his spirit was off fighting Mogami in Minori’s mindscape. He could admit, Mob’s explanation of what had happened to him while he’d been gone had both confused and worried him, plus most of it had gone over his head.

What he knew about psychic powers could be boiled down to what he’d seen Mob do before, or what he’d read about in magazines and articles. But to think that Mob had been tortured for months by Mogami boiled his blood in a way that he didn’t quite know how to express.

It scared him to think that his spirit was similar. Mob was strong enough to pull through, but Reigen? Reigen thought he’d better start digging now.

“So, if it was a special spirit, one that retained enough power in death that it could do all this to Reigen…” Serizawa said, “I wondered…if Shigeo might have a better chance at exorcising it. Perhaps I’m simply not powerful enough. After all, he managed to defeat Mogami.”

“After months of fighting for his life.” Ritsu said, slamming his palm on the table. It wasn’t exactly angry, though Reigen could see why he did so well on the student council. He could be both diplomatic and immovable. “He almost lost himself.”

“We don’t know that this thing is the same as Mogami. Maybe we can just blast it like normal?” Teru asked. His hands were twitching around his mug, like a hunting dog waiting for a release word. From the way his eyes were flicked to his left, it seemed he was waiting for Mob’s permission.

Serizawa held up his hand, pausing both Ritsu and Reigen before they could comment. “Shigeo.” He said calmly, “What do you want to do?”

“I’ll try.” Mob said, “I want to try exorcising the spirit.”

“Okay. Then we’ll try.” Serizawa said.

Mob nodded, “I’ll do my best.”

Reigen pushed back in his chair as Mob raised his hand. “Hang on.” He blurted, “Just, wait a minute. If this doesn’t work, that’s it, okay? No hard feelings. Your only concerns right now are cram school and dumb exams to get into the college you want, okay? Not me.”

“Master…” Mob said, his eyebrows drawn.

“Promise me. Listen Mob, when have I ever been defeated by such a boring foe? I’ll be fine.”

“What? You’re just gonna give up?” Teru said, a confused smile pulling his lips. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

Reigen scoffed, “Well, it’s my choice.”

Mob had clearly grown impatient. He cleared his throat, hand still outstretched towards Reigen across the table.

Reigen motioned at him. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“Well, if Serizawa couldn’t exorcise it…” Mob pondered aloud, “That probably means it’s more powerful than he thought. I’m going to give it my all.”

Reigen blanched. “Not your all! Give it your half, or you’ll blow my head off.”

A small, lopsided grin tugged at Mob’s lips. “What? You don’t trust me, even after all these years?”

Reigen didn’t think he’d ever get used to sarcastic comments from Mob, but he returned his smile. “I trust you, Mob, it’s just when it comes to your powers, gentle isn’t exactly in your dictionary.”

Serizawa shot him a sidewards glance.

Mob raised an eyebrow, “I suppose we’ll see.” He flexed his fingers, and the first buffet of Mob’s power hit him.

It felt familiarly harmless, nothing more than a faint breeze twitching the hairs on his head. Mob’s expression was neutral, almost bored. It made Reigen almost proud, how little Mob was effected by using his powers these days. He’d taught Mob they were nothing unique, nothing to be proud of.

And maybe they weren’t—after all, he’d happened to be born with them, just like some people were born with moles, or wonky noses, or loads of hair in weird places. What made Reigen proud was what Mob had made of them. The people he’d helped, and everything he’d overcome.

They hadn’t met up in a while…he really should have made more of an effort to keep up with Mob. It was good to see him.

Mob’s brow furrowed.

“Is anything…happening?” Ritsu asked, watching Reigen with morbid curiosity.

Then, the air was gone from Reigen’s lungs.

The headache that had accompanied him through every waking moment for the past month raged anew, the pain in his forehead like someone had strung a hot poker through his ears.

“Reigen?” Serizawa’s voice was high-pitched, giving way to concern.

Reigen tried to reply, but could only manage a strangled gasp. His hands went to his throat, fingers scrabbling against his collar. It was like he’d been transported to the cold expanse of space, no air to breath, his tears freezing on his lashes. He pushed back from the table, stumbling to his feet, and his chair toppled beneath him, hitting the floor with a crack.

Reigen tried to tell Mob to stop, but everything was happening in slow motion. He threw out a hand towards him, fingers uncurling in at a snails pace like petals furling under the sun. He noticed the koi next, swimming around his hands. Red and black and white, fins trailing, eyes watching.

“Reigen!” Serizawa’s face appeared next, over him, eyes wide. Brown and dappled with gold. His teeth were slightly coffee stained.

Reigen was falling in slow motion, unable to stop himself. The room was going dark, like it had in Serizawa’s bathroom. The koi swam closer, companionable, like they were ushering him into the darkness. Hurry up and die, they said.

Reigen didn’t want to die.

He felt something cold against his ear and realised there was someone whispering there. The same phrase over and over again.

“Stop it! You’re going to kill him!”

Reigen thought he heard Serizawa shouting, but it felt distant, like he was speaking to him through cotton.

And the voice in his ear whispered: wake up, wake up, wake up.

Reigen’s back slammed against the floor, and the world came rushing back.

He wheezed as he forced the air into his lungs. He heard something smash. He rolled onto his side and hacked up a mouthful of pond water, which spattered onto the floor. He heaved a breath and stared at the blood spots in the water that he’d ejected from his lungs. His collar felt unbearably tight.

Not good, he thought, not good at all.

It took his aching bones some persuading, but he managed to climb up onto his hands and knees. He braced himself until his vision came back. He stared at the floor and watched the grout lines swirl in his hazy eyes like a mirage in the desert.

He felt a hand circle his arm and jerked away, having visions of the hand that had tried to take him away in Serizawa’s bathroom mirror. The spirit, coming to drag him away.

“It’s me.” Serizawa’s voice, above his head. The hand came back, and this time, Reigen allowed himself to be helped up.

Reigen took another deep breath, trying to loosen his tie with scrabbling, panic numbed fingers.

“Here.” Serizawa said. He eased Reigen’s hand away and hooked his warm fingers between the tie and Reigen’s neck. He loosened the knot in one skilful movement and unbuttoned the top of his shirt.

Reigen was led back to his chair, which had been picked up and returned to the table at some point. He collapsed into it and braced his hands on his knees until he no longer felt as though his lungs were going to give out. His legs shook beneath him, even seated.

“Are you okay?” Mob’s voice wobbled.

Reigen huffed another wheezing breath. “Don’t do that again.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Mob said earnestly. “I’m sorry.”

“What the hell happened?” Teru was still standing, as though he’d meant to do something to help but had become frozen in the process.

“Well, it felt like I was knocking on death’s door for a second there, but I’ll let the expert weigh in.” Reigen said. He felt like throwing up. Instead, he took a sip of his now-cold tea with a shaking hand.

Mob hesitated for a moment, before realising that the ‘expert’ was him. “I tried exorcising it, like a normal spirit. It didn’t work at first, it almost felt like there was nothing there at all.”

Serizawa made a sound of agreement, his eyes flicking between Mob and Reigen.

“But then,” Mob continued, “I decided to try something different. I thought…we were talking about Mogami, and so I tried to treat it less like an evil spirit, and more like a psychic. So I searched for it, and I found it.”

Reigen rubbed the back of his neck, hoping the hairs there would stop standing on end.

“You found what?” Ritsu asked. He’d been mostly silent, but was now sitting forward in his seat.

“The spirit.” Mob said, “Serizawa was right. It’s hiding inside master’s head, sheltering deep inside. It didn’t want to be exorcised. It saw me, it saw what I was trying to do. And it knew that the only way to make me stop was to…”

“To kill Reigen.” Ritsu finished.

Serizawa winced.

“Okay, so it’s smarter than we gave it credit.” Reigen said weakly. “It was willing to kill me off to avoid being exorcised. So…I’ve been downgraded from host to hostage.”

“It saw me.” Mob said, “While I was searching for it, it was looking right back at me. Like it was analysing me. That’s how it knew exactly what to do to make me stop.”

Serizawa chewed his lip. His leg was jiggling nervously. “So…what do we do now?” He muttered, looking down at his hands.

As much as Serizawa was leaps and bounds from where he’d been when they’d first met him working for Claw, there were still times when he resorted to childlike behaviour. He was looking to Mob to make the decision. But Mob was still just a kid. Reigen’s issues weren’t on his shoulders.

“It’s okay.” Reigen said to both of them. “No point freaking out. We’re just back to square one.”

He reached over and put a hand on Serizawa’s knee beneath the table, hoping to calm him. He didn’t think the others noticed, though he wasn’t sure why this bothered him. Serizawa looked at Reigen’s hand like it was a foreign object. It took him a moment to settle. His eyes darted to Reigen, then Serizawa put his hand over his.

Reigen laced his fingers through Serizawa’s.

In it together, Reigen thought. Serizawa’s fingers curled against his palm. He must’ve cut his nails recently. They were short, but scratchy.

“I could try…” Mob was saying, “Something similar to when I dealt with Mogami.”

Ritsu’s expression went sharp, but he didn’t say anything. Teru watched Mob closely.

“No,” Reigen said, “It won’t let you. I can feel it.”

“You can feel it? Really.” Teru said, an eyebrow raised over his coffee cup.

“Yes, I can feel it. This thing is in my head.”

“Hmm, I had the same thought…I don’t think it will let me in.” Mob admitted. “I caught it by surprise the first time, and it panicked, which is why it risked its host. Uh, Master. But if I try again, it’ll know I’m coming.”

“So, you don’t know what it’ll do.” Ritsu said.

Mob shook his head slowly. “If I come at it with all my strength, I might end up hurting Master instead.”

Reigen held up his hands, “Hey, we tried. Right, Serizawa?”

“No, not alright.” Serizawa insisted. His hand was squeezing Reigen’s against his knee like it was a lifeline. “If that didn’t work, then what?”

Reigen flattened his placations before they could cross his tongue. He wouldn’t let Serizawa put all the responsibility on Mob.

“It’s okay. We’ll find another way. Besides, maybe it’s one of those spirits that just withers away on its own? Or maybe Mob scared it away. I feel fine!”

Serizawa bit his lip, hard. “No, you don’t. And I won’t let you just give up. Not after…”

“After…?” Teru prompted.

Serizawa stared at him for a moment, like he’d forgotten they had an audience, then shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. We’re trying again. Shigeo, you have to try what you did with Mogami.”

“No, we’re not doing that.” Reigen said sternly. “We agreed, it’s not Mob’s problem. We’re professionals. They’re kids.” He knew he sounded like a hypocrite, even without Ritsu’s exaggerated eye roll. He’d used Mob for years, even when Reigen was the one who was meant to be the expert. But he refused to use him any longer. He understood how Mob’s powers made him feel now and he didn’t want the kid to feel that way ever again.

“Shigeo is the only one who…” Serizawa said, his voice lowering. He rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m not strong enough to help you. We have to try again. I’m not going to watch you fade away.”

“That’s not happening.” Reigen forced out a light chuckle.

Serizawa ignored him and turned to Mob, “Please, Shigeo…Can you try?”

Mob, who had been watching the two like an interesting match of tennis, levelled a heavy gaze on Reigen. He looked conflicted.

Reigen felt Mob’s power crackling in the air. He was ready to go, just waiting for Reigen’s permission.

The storm inside him, the voices, the chill—it all amped up tenfold in expectation of the onslaught of Mob’s power. His head was spinning. The thing, the spirit in his head, screamed at him. It wanted him to make it stop. It knew what Mob was going to try, because Reigen knew what Mob was trying. It was in his head, why wouldn’t it know?

“Mob, it’s not going to work.” Reigen said, fighting to hear his own voice through the thrashing thing in his head. It was like Mob had awoken it; now it wouldn’t shut up.

“Just try.” Serizawa urged. “Please.”

Mob’s intense powers started to curl Reigen’s hair. Reigen could see tendrils of shining blue energy lifting from Mob’s arms as he prepared to leave his body behind and enter Reigen’s head in soul form.

“It won’t let you.” Reigen warned. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, energy that must’ve been stored away somewhere dark and forgotten. Or perhaps it was energy from the thing inside his head. It crackled down his arms and legs.

He held his hands up at Mob, as if to push him away. He hadn’t meant to move his arms, but the strange sudden rush of adrenaline seemed to be guiding him.

Mob’s power was coming at Reigen in waves. His eyes were widened in surprise at Reigen’s sudden fighting stance.

“I can’t—I’m not doing this.” Reigen said, as one hand reached towards Mob. His fingers curled outwards against his will. He stared at them like a foreign entity. He was being…controlled.

He should have hated it, but with the energy crackling through him, he felt stronger than he had in weeks. He felt power.

“Reigen?” Serizawa said. His hand landed on Reigen’s arm, trying to ease it back to his side, but it wouldn’t cooperate. Reigen jerked away.

Mob’s soul form began to appear—Reigen recognised it from last time, and so did the thing in his head. It knew what it meant, and it didn’t want to be exorcised.

“I said no!” Reigen shouted. His hand, the one that had been outstretched to Mob, made a sweeping motion. His fingers clawed at the air.

Ritsu leapt up, his own power flaring. “What the hell are you—”

“It’s not me!” Reigen tried to pull his hand back.

It was a strange feeling, the borrowed power leaving his body, aimed at his former student.

He didn’t have time to warn him. A gasp of shock left his throat. His free, uncontrolled hand, tried to claw at the one the spirit had commandeered to little avail.

There was a crash, followed by a few yelps of surprise from the other patrons of the cafe.

The surge of power should have hit Mob.

It didn’t.

At first, Reigen almost laughed. Mob was completely unaffected. He stood watching Reigen with wide eyes, but he looked fine. Whatever the spirit had been hoping to achieve, it wasn’t strong enough to see it through.

Then Serizawa’s hand dropped from Reigen’s sleeve, from the arm that the spirit had controlled. Reigen met his eyes, confused, but Serizawa’s expression was stubbornly unreadable.

“What was that?” Teru murmured, but he wasn’t looking at Reigen. He was looking at a spot beside Serizawa. There was a cloud of smoke drifting past him.

The boys were all staring at the same spot, mouths agape. Reigen followed their eyes and saw smoke.

A small crater in the wall. Still smoking from the impact.

A tile dropped from the wall and smashed to the ground. Almost the entirety of the wall behind the boys was scorched, like the building had caught aflame. It smelled like ozone.

Serizawa met his eyes. Though he didn’t say anything, he was asking Reigen a silent question. What did you do?

Serizawa must’ve pushed Reigen’s arm at the last moment, so that the energy he’d released would miss Mob. It had almost hit Serizawa instead.

Reigen rubbed his arm, like he was trying to calm a deranged cat.

What would he do if he lost control of his whole body? Passing out was one thing, but if he hurt anyone… He shook his head at Serizawa, a minute movement.

It meant We’ll deal with it later.

Chapter Text

Underneath your dream lit eyes, shades of sleep have driven you away.

The moon is pale outside, and you are far from here.

When Tomorrow Comes by Eurythmics

“Stop looking at me like that.” Reigen spoke around his toothbrush.

Reigen saw Serizawa pause in the mirror behind him like he’d been caught in a nefarious act.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know? Watching me like you’re waiting for me me to collapse, or attack you, or something?” Reigen spat toothpaste into the sink.

“You might.” Serizawa pointed out.

Reigen ignored him. He hesitated for a moment before putting his toothbrush in the glass by the sink along with Serizawa’s.

They’d visited Reigen’s apartment, after the slightly disastrous meeting with Mob, and picked up a gym bag full of Reigen’s stuff. It had been decided on the walk back to the train station that Reigen should be monitored closely, with the spirit as deeply intrenched in Reigen’s consciousness as it was.

Reigen wasn’t sure where they’d decided that it would be better for this ‘monitoring’ to take place at Serizawa’s apartment, but he wasn’t planning on mentioning it.

Reigen crouched and dug around in the gym bag for his pyjamas. Along with those, he’d brought a toothbrush, clean clothes, and a pair of wireframes that he only donned when his eyes started aching from staring at a screen all day. There was really nothing else he could have brought. Unlike Serizawa’s apartment, which was full with posters, figurines, collectables and other personal effects, Reigen’s apartment was devoid of personal touches in comparison. As he had switched the lights off in his home and turned to leave, he couldn’t pick out one thing he’d miss.

He could hardly even remember what he’d left behind.

Serizawa’s hand dropped onto his shoulder, jolting Reigen out of his thoughts.

“It’s okay to be afraid.”

Reigen rolled his shoulders, feeling Serizawa’s fingers dipping beneath the collar of his shirt with the movement. “I’m not scared.”

“No?” Serizawa’s voice distorted as he crossed behind Reigen. His hand trailed over Reigen’s shoulders.

“Evil spirits can be powerful, but they’re pretty one dimensional.” Reigen said. His throat felt oddly tight as he spoke. “The one in my head hasn’t got some grand plan, it’s just clinging on for as long as it can because it knows it’ll be exorcised the second it lets go. That’s just basic instinct.”

“But you are afraid, aren’t you?”

“I…” Reigen looked up, meeting Serizawa’s eyes in the mirror.

Except, he wasn’t there.

He wasn’t behind him, as he’d thought. Serizawa was standing next to the bathroom door, watching him with a knot in his brow.

Reigen touched his shoulder, where Serizawa’s hand hand been. A koi fish darted through the air, startled. He watched its fins twitch as it disappeared behind the bathroom mirror. He blinked, hard.

“Was I just…What was the last thing you said to me?” Reigen said, forcing his voice steady.

“What?” Serizawa’s teeth worried his lip.

“Just humour me.”

“You were joking about collapsing. I said you might. Then you stopped replying and started staring in the mirror. I thought you were…giving yourself a pep talk or something.” Serizawa said vaguely. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Okay.” Reigen said mildly. He scrubbed a hand over his face. It was getting worse. The line between awake and dreaming was blurring more and more, especially since the incident at the coffee shop with Mob. It was almost as though Reigen using a fraction of the spirit’s power had brought them closer. Or, more aptly, the spirit using Reigen as a conduit. The whole ordeal had left him feeling as though he’d stuck his fingers in an outlet.

When he’d first started his business with Spirits and Such, Reigen would have sold his soul for real psychic abilities, purely because it would have saved him a whole lot of effort. Now, he knew it wasn’t worth it. It especially wasn’t worth it if he had to live with a malicious spirit in his head in order to get a taste of power.

He took a deep breath and met his own eyes in the mirror. He looked wary, but undeniably awake. Plus, he could read the branding on Serizawa’s toothpaste tube without the words dripping away from him, so he knew he hadn’t slipped into the other place.

Serizawa stepped towards Reigen, closing the minimal space between them in Serizawa’s cramped bathroom. He placed a hand on Reigen’s shoulder, and this time Reigen could feel the reality of it. The weight of it, the warmth. He didn’t know how he’d been fooled before.

Serizawa’s closeness was different this time, too. The vision had been cold and faded. The real Serizawa was bold and solid, his cheeks flushed with colour.

“Reigen, are you…okay…?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” Reigen said honestly. Serizawa seemed to be able to tell when he was lying more and more these days.

Serizawa opened his mouth, as if to say something reassuring, but closed it again. He looked torn for a moment, then said, “What happened in the cafe…I—”

Reigen watched the way Serizawa’s lashes shadowed his eyes as he looked away. He watched how a muscle twitched in Serizawa’s jaw. Reigen had been burying his feelings for a while now, but lately they’d been growing. Each time he felt Serizawa’s breath dust his cheek when he leaned in to talk to Reigen. Each time Serizawa cooked for him, or when worry etched his brow, or when his mouth went small when he concentrated. Each and every thing Reigen noticed, his feelings for Serizawa grew.

Now, they refused to be quashed down so easily. They fought him, and burst up from beneath the dirt. Killed and reanimated so many times they’d become almost ugly to Reigen.

Reigen watched Serizawa breathe, and felt something in his chest buoy, something that fought to the surface before he could force it back under.

“I’m sorry.” Reigen said, his throat dry. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“I do.” Serizawa said. “That thing—the spirit—it took control of you, didn’t it? I mean, that wasn’t you…right?”

“It was the spirit. I don’t…” He pressed his lips together. He looked away.

Serizawa was silent beside him, patient as ever.

“I don't have any psychic abilities.” Reigen said finally. It should have felt freeing to admit, the same as it had when he’d told Mob, but it made him feel exposed. Serizawa had already seen so much of him. His shortcomings, his mistakes, his weaknesses. This felt like just another failure.

But Serizawa was laughing.

It was just a light chuckle, his mouth hidden behind his hand. Reigen might not have even noticed, but Serizawa’s face had flushed red.

“I’m being serious!” Reigen said, feeling his own cheeks flush.

“Sorry!” Serizawa said, holding a hand up. A smile still played on his lips. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh, but…Reigen…of course I know you’re not psychic.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since we met! I had to save you, remember?”

“I was caught off guard!”

“Okay.” Serizawa said, his eyes sparkling with humour. “Even if that were true, I can still sense you have no abilities. It’s really quite obvious.”

Reigen took a deep breath. “Right. So all this time, you knew? You were just letting me look like an idiot?”
Serizawa shrugged, “I always thought you knew.”

“I’ve been keeping up pretences for nothing.” Reigen shook his head, but Serizawa’s laughter was starting to catch. Reigen felt his own lips pulling up.

“Not for nothing. For the clients, right? For all it’s worth, I think you’re brave, psychic abilities or not.”

Reigen grinned, unable to stay serious. “There’s a very thin line between brave and stupid.”

“Then you do well to walk it so skilfully.”

“Now you’re just buttering me up so I won’t be mad at you.”

“Maybe.” Serizawa turned to the door. “Are you joining me for dinner, or would you rather flood the bathroom again?”

Reigen stared at Serizawa’s back, at the way the hair at the base of his neck curled over his collar. “I said I was sorry for that.”

“Mrs Kurito from downstairs was very upset at the water stain on her ceiling.”

Reigen snorted, “Well, I’ll be sure to apologise profusely.”

Serizawa was playing a game on an old Nintendo console—Reigen was no expert in retro gaming systems, having grown up in a household that held ‘time-wasting’ in serious disregard. He’d played a few games over friend’s houses, but he’d never seen anyone make a mastery of a simple game like Serizawa did.

His thumbs flew, lightening fast, over the buttons. His face was dull, almost bored, as he conquered level after level, with no celebration with each boss defeated. To Reigen’s novice eyes, each attack seemed to happen so fast it would be impossible to avoid, but Serizawa never missed a beat. Reigen watched, wrapped in Serizawa’s duvet, feeling like a boy again, watching his friend play games he wasn’t allowed at home.

When Serizawa had paused the game to grab them both cups of tea, Reigen saw that he was playing in hard mode—he supposed it was impressive.

“You know,” Reigen said when Serizawa returned, “When I met you in the dream, you were playing a game like this—”

“Wait—“ Serizawa fumbled the controller and took a hit. His character died. The game reset to the start of the level. He didn’t get mad. He paused again and set the controller down. “What do you mean? You said you met me, but…you—I was in my room?”

Reigen nodded. “I went to your house, pretending to be a doctor. Yeah, I know…not too sure about the ethics of lying to dream people, so I haven’t thought about it too much. Convinced your mom to let me in. And there you were, twenty something, scared of your own shadow. I mean, it makes sense, right? The dream seems to take place around ten years in the past. You’d still be in your room.”

Serizawa frowned. “You don’t think it’s strange that you knew about that?”

“I know what you did before you joined Claw, if that’s what you’re saying?”

“No, I mean…If this dream world was created by the evil spirit, then how would it know exactly what I was like all those years ago? Down to the game I was playing…You never met me back then.”

Reigen paused. This hadn’t occurred to him. “You think the spirit is building all this from my memories? But, it knows things that I couldn’t possibly have known.”

“What else happened?”

“Well, for one, when I tried to visit Spirits and Such in the dream, I walked into a hairdresser's salon—and almost got arrested—but when I woke up, I did some research. Turns out, the office space that is now Spirits and Such was a salon, then laid vacant for a year or so before I started renting the space.”

“That’s…”

“Creepy, right?”

Serizawa shook his head, “More than creepy. It’s impossible.” He rubbed a hand over his face, “The me in the past, did he seem like the real me to you?”

Reigen almost laughed at this, “If you’re asking if he seemed like the you I know now, then that’s a definite no. But he was you.”

Serizawa was silent. His hand covered his mouth, which made his expression impossible to read. He stared intently at the pause menu on the TV.

“He was—I mean, you were different back then. Even different from how you were when I first met you. I tried to get you to exorcise this damn spirit in the dream—I thought maybe that’s why it hadn’t worked for you before. Maybe it had to be exorcised from within. But he lost control. I pushed him too far.”

Serizawa looked up sharply. “Did he—did I hurt you?”

“In the dream?” Reigen asked, an eyebrow raised. “No.”

Serizawa puffed out a sigh and sat back on the couch. Reigen rested his chin on his arms and watched him. His face was slightly flushed. His eyes were avoiding Reigen. He seemed almost…embarrassed?

“What’s eating you?” Reigen asked, unable to watch him fidget any longer.

Serizawa looked a little sheepish to have been caught. He smiled, but it looked a little wobbly. “I just…I don’t like thinking of you seeing me…like that.”

Reigen felt a small stab of pain in his gut. He understood instantly what Serizawa was feeling. The young Serizawa of the past was the same as the hidden side of Reigen. He’d been vulnerable, and a failure in his own eyes. It was an embarrassment to Serizawa. Something to be ashamed of.

Reigen freed his arms from the duvet and placed a hand on Serizawa’s knee. It was meant to be a gesture of comfort, but Serizawa moved as if burned—his shoulders hiked up with the shock of being touched.

Reigen forged ahead, “I told you, in the past, that your powers don’t speak for you. What you did because of them isn’t a reflection of who you are today, because you’ve put in the work to become a better person.” Reigen said, “I don’t think you were ready to hear it back then, but I hope you believe me now. You did what you had to, same as the rest of us.”

Serizawa smiled, seemingly having recovered from Reigen’s sudden touch. “Is this another of your famous pearls of wisdom?” He asked rather facetiously.

Reigen smirked, “What would you do without them?”

“I…I appreciate it. I do.” Serizawa sighed, resting his head heavily on his chin. “I just…Every time I think I’ve left who I was behind, it finds a new way to haunt me. Usually, I see it in my mother’s eyes when I visit her—the fear that she’s not fast enough to hide from me. But of all the people to see how I used to live, why did it have to be you…”

Reigen curled his fingers into the soft jersey of Serizawa’s sweatpants. “You’ve seen most of my dirty laundry. I’d call it pretty fair.” He said brusquely.

Serizawa stared at Reigen’s hand. “I don’t care if it’s fair. I just don’t want you to think lesser of me.” His voice was small and childlike.

Reigen could tell his mind was in the past. And he understood, perhaps better than anyone, how terrifying it was to be known.

“We’re the same, you know? I knew what you were from the moment we met, just like you knew I wasn’t psychic. It’s why I hired you straight away.”

Serizawa looked up. “I thought you hired me because I saved your life.”

“Well, yes. It never hurts to make a good first impression on a potential employer.” Reigen said, “And I wouldn’t have even considered hiring you that day if I thought you were anything less than a stand-up guy. Plus, Mob liked you, and he’s the best judge of character I’ve ever met.” He patted Serizawa’s knee.

“That’s true…”

“You’ve been good to me, Serizawa. You’ve been good to a lot of people—things that they won’t soon forget. Who cares how long it took you to get around to it?” Reigen chuckled, “The world just wasn’t ready for you back then.”

Serizawa’s eyes sparkled almost supernaturally. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. His ears had gone pink. Reigen was preparing to fill the silence, which had drawn out a little too much for his liking, but Serizawa rose from the couch and crossed the room. Reigen watched him curiously. His back was turned, but he was rummaging through a plastic chest of drawers which appeared to be predominantly filled with memorabilia.

When Serizawa turned back, he was holding a neat little black box.

Reigen shuffled up, so that he was sitting rather than slouching.

“I hope you don’t mind.”

Reigen cocked his head, “I don’t know if I mind it if I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s a small gift.” Serizawa explained. “As thanks, for allowing me to come back.” He pushed the box into Reigen’s unprepared hands, as if to hold it another second would be torture.

Reigen fumbled the box for a moment, then set it down in his duvet nest. “You didn’t have to get me anything. I mean, I’m the one who should be getting you a gift. I’m already basically using your house as a bed and breakfast without paying.”

Serizawa held up a hand, all honour. “It’s just a small thing. Open it.”

Reigen frowned down at the box. It was slim, so it couldn’t contain anything too large. The box was rectangular and secured with tape along the edges. It was light when Reigen picked it up. He peeled off the tape, slowly, savouring the feeling.

He and Serizawa had brought each other gifts before, for the holidays or birthdays, or to say thank you for not letting me get killed by that spirit. But this felt different, for some reason. It was the small voice within Reigen, saying maybe. Maybe this is it.

He opened the box.

Inside, was a tie.

It was smooth and silky. It was pink, perhaps a shade lighter than the one he wore daily, though the one in the box was undeniably more expensive looking. The fabric felt higher quality. The stitching wasn’t uneven or unravelling. It was beautiful, as much as a tie could be beautiful.

Reigen pulled it out of the box and let it run through his fingers.

“Do you…like it?”

Reigen didn’t know what he was feeling. He was overcome with the knowledge that Serizawa had taken Reigen’s story about the tie, and his father, and gone out of his way to find one that looked exactly the same. Just so that he could give it to Reigen as a gift.

“I…” Reigen caught Serizawa’s gaze and held it. He must’ve looked intense, because Serizawa’s face paled. “What does this mean?” Reigen asked.

“W-What?” Serizawa stammered. He’d clearly been expecting a polite ‘thank you’ and Reigen had thrown him off the script.

“What do you mean with this? Truthfully?” He held up the tie with both hands. “This isn’t a coworker present. This isn’t even a present between friends…I mean, this is expensive. And thoughtful. And kind. This isn’t…” Reigen rubbed his thumb over the fabric. He was overreacting, and he knew it. But he had to know. “I’m not crazy, right?”

“I’m sorry.” Serizawa’s brow was drawn and confused. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Reigen cursed his naivety. “It’s not just this, it’s—it’s everything! It’s your hand reaching for mine under the table, and falling asleep together on your couch, and the way you’re always…And that confession, when you quit your job at Sato Corp, you said you wanted to spend more time with me.” Reigen faltered. Wasn't it just something else that he’d overthought, that he’d read too far into—that he’d dreamt? With half of his life happening within the confines of his own head, wasn’t this just another trick? “The way you’re always here for me. I’ve never…no one has ever done something like this for me. I just—I need to know what this means.” Reigen shook the tie at him for emphasis, feeling completely unhinged.

Serizawa’s expression faltered for a moment. His mouth was slightly agape. It was shock, or something like it. Then he smiled, a small movement of his lips pulling up at the edges, lines around his eyes deepening. Such a small change, and yet it was the kindest smile Reigen had seen.

“It means I’m proud of you. And I wanted you to know that.”

Reigen bit the inside of his cheek before any tears could fall. His throat ached with them. “But why would you do that? Why would…” Reigen wanted to tell Serizawa that it was cruel, that he couldn’t let Reigen believe there was something more between them when Serizawa was just trying to be a good friend. But…was this what good friend’s did? Reigen had no experience with either. He didn’t know what to make of it.

“I care for you, Reigen. Maybe more than I should care for my boss. For my friend. I guess…I don’t know what I mean either. I’m sorry.” Serizawa said. His eyes were half-lidded, looking straight ahead. His hands fidgeted in his lap. There was a tension in his jaw.

Reigen let his head fall back against the couch. He stared at the ceiling. “Yeah.” He wrapped the tie around his knuckles, for no other reason than something to do with his hands. He tied it so tight that he choked off the blood supply to his fingers. His heart felt the same, wrapped up and strangled. He wanted to let go. “I care for you too.” Reigen admitted to the ceiling. “More than I should.”

There was a long pause between them. Serizawa might have heard Reigen’s heart beating so fast and loud it felt as though there was double the amount of blood in his veins. His head swam.

Reigen met the silence bravely. I care for you, didn’t mean no. But what did it mean? Because for Reigen, caring for Serizawa too much meant he couldn’t stop his mind from running wild, from meticulously studying the subtext in each touch. It meant lying awake and wondering if he could occupy the edges of Serizawa’s life indefinitely so that he wouldn’t have to go back to his own soulless apartment.

Reigen’s mind filled the silence, until Serizawa cleared his throat.

“You’re not a failure, Arataka. I hate that you think like that.” Serizawa said quietly. So quietly that it seemed the words weren’t meant for the rest of the world to hear. “I mean, you’re the reason that…” He laughed to himself instead of completing his sentence, inadvertently driving Reigen closer over the edge of insanity.

He wondered if Serizawa knew just what it had done to him, to hear his name in Serizawa’s low voice. He felt like reaching over and pinning Serizawa down until he got a straight answer out of him.

Reigen looked up. His head swam with the sudden movement. “That what?”

Serizawa turned to him, a strange look on his face. His eyes were bright, but he looked almost…fearful. Or, if it was fear, it wasn’t the usual sort. His ears had gone pink.

Reigen was reminded of the Serizawa he’d met in the past. His uncertain, fearful expression, the unguarded emotion clear on his face.

“Serizawa.” Reigen said. He had intended to use Serizawa’s given name, to make them even, but his tongue had refused to form the word. It felt heavy and cumbersome in his mouth. He touched his thumb and index finger to the bridge of his nose. In fact, his whole body felt heavy.

“I, uh…” Serizawa pressed his lips together. His hand rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know if I should say this. It isn’t…” He laughed. “Well, they don’t exactly cover this in my books.”

Reigen blinked at him blearily. He was sweating more than a healthy man really should in such a cold apartment. He tried to clear his throat, to speak, but it turned into a cough, which turned into a hack. He raised his hand to cover his mouth. He tasted blood. Weird.

He pulled his hand away. The tie dangled from his fingers. It had flown to cover his mouth by instinct, the tie still tangled around his fist. Blood spotted the perfect pink fabric.

“I think I’m about to go.” Reigen said. He only managed to get half the sentence past his lips.

Serizawa opened his mouth. Whatever he’d intended to say was lost. What came out instead was something Reigen had grown sick of hearing.

“Wake up.”

He saw Serizawa reach out, concerned, then the world was dark.

Reigen woke up.

As soon as he was pulled into consciousness, he had the strangest feeling he had to get back somewhere. Someone had been talking to him, and it was important. Maybe the most important conversation he’d ever partaken in.

But the heavy veil of sleep guarded whatever it was.

And the world was…dark.

He looked around. He could hear the periodic beep of the heart rate monitor as usual, and the hospital bed sheets were rough and scratchy beneath his bare legs. He felt the chill of the room through the thin hospital gown.

He was in the other place again, but something felt different.

Whereas before, the room had been bright with sterile strip lighting, now it was dull and grey. It seemed faded. What little colour there had been before, it had been sapped away.

Reigen swung his legs over the bed and ripped out the IV line without a thought. It was second nature at this point. He’d been doing it for weeks now. He rubbed the crook of his elbow. He was sure there would be another needle mark when he woke, the skin red and raw, but in the dream his skin was mostly unmarred. He took a step and heard something crunch beneath his bare feet. Then he felt the sharp twang of pain echo up his leg. He stumbled back and sat back on the bed, scrambling to hook his foot up and see what was causing the stinging pain on the sole.

Sure enough, there was a small well of blood, but something sparkled in the middle. He picked it out with his thumb and forefinger with little regard for surgical precision. The sparkling thing was hard, sharp. He let it fall to his palm and took a closer look.

It was a small shard of glass.

He looked around the room and frowned. He couldn’t see anything broken, but it was much darker than it had been. He looked up at the lights. No, they were just switched off—or out of power. He’d never seen anyone else at the hospital, so it stood to reason that the power would be switched off after a while.

He placed the shard of glass on the nightstand and pulled himself to his feet once more. As well as the dull stinging pain, he was struck with another feeling. It was a creeping feeling, adjacent to dread but not quite there. Because, so far in the time he’d spent waking up night after night in this hospital, nothing had ever changed. He always woke up in the same room, at the same time of day, the same clothes, and nothing was ever out of place.

So what was different this time?

“If this is…” Reigen started to address the room, or the sky, hoping to catch the attention of whatever was in here with him, “If you want me dead, you better do it quick. But I’d guess if you wanted to kill me, you’d have done it by now. The fact that you haven’t means you can’t. Right?” Or it meant it was waiting for something, or simply enjoying taunting its prey. It could have meant any number of things, but Reigen chose to speak the one aloud that comforted him the most.

As expected, there was no answer to his demands.

“Whatever.” He spat. “You can’t trap me in here for much longer. I’m going to find a way to get out. I’ve got years of experience in spiritual bullshit, that’s got to count for something.”

The howling wind rose up to greet him, the only indication that his voice may have been heard at all. His hospital gown flapped at his knees.

He frowned.

It was an awful lot of wind inside the building.

He crossed the room to the door, his eyes cast downwards to watch for any more stray shards of glass. While he didn’t seem to carry over injuries from dream to dream, he did wake up with each new needle mark, and he didn’t want to test the limits. At the door, hand reaching out for the handle, the wind seemed louder. It whistled through the gaps in the door.

Reigen pulled the door open.

The hallway outside was completely dark, no lights, no sunlight streaming through the windows. Instead, the lights overhead were smashed, a fine dusting of glass beneath each one. The windows had imploded, each opening now a jagged mouth of glassy teeth. Wind whooshed freely in the hallway. It was like a wind tunnel.

Beyond the windows, the storm that had been ever-present in this place had only grown—it was darker and closer than ever. He wondered if the blustering wind had smashed the windows in.

It whipped at Reigen’s hair, turning his blood to ice.

Weaving and darting in and out of the broken windows was a school of koi, half-spectral. They looked…less real than they had before. Their colours were faded, forms less tangible. Reigen wondered what that meant for him.

They floated past Reigen’s face as if they were taunting him.

They seemed to all be heading the same way. They floated leisurely down the hallway, tail fins twitching and trailing through the air.

Reigen watched them for a moment. The wind was picking up, almost to the point where he was finding it hard to stand upright.

Where are they going? Reigen wondered.

He looked around one last time. It didn’t seem as though there was anything better to do in here. Perhaps the koi led somewhere. Perhaps they didn’t. He just wanted to hurry up and get to the end of this dumb nightmare.

What he really needed to do was find the figure he’d seen the last time—the one in the eye of the storm. That thing hadn’t wanted him to find it, and Reigen was determined to piss this thing off. It’s the least he could do since the damn thing was stowing away in his head. That was, if the figure he’d seen was the spirit, and not just yet another figment of his imagination.

He rolled his shoulders, and chased after the retreating tail fins of the koi.

He avoided the glass, barely, by skirting the edges of the hallway and steadying himself with a hand on the wall. The fish swam imperceptibly fast, slowing for a few moments before darting forward as one. It made them rather hard to follow, especially in the low light.

They swam through the corridor and down the stairwells, though Reigen was forced to take the stairs down two at a time to keep up.

The fish glowed slightly, casting the stairwell in a pale blueish light. It was strangely beautiful. Reigen felt like he had stumbled into a ghost aquarium. Strange.

The fish phased right through the wall on the ground floor. Reigen burst through the door and stumbled into the lobby.

It was as abandoned as ever, aside from the school of fish floating towards the large glass revolving door that led to the street outside. Except, the glass had shattered inwards, same as the windows upstairs. The sterile linoleum floor was covered in glass. The storm blustered all around him—even above. The skylights had shattered too.

Whatever had happened here, something had changed. It hadn’t been this destroyed before. The state of the storm outside made Reigen feel as though he’d stepped through to another world entirely.

And what about the people who lived here?

Like Mob, who hadn’t seemed like Mob at all the last time he’d seen him. Or Serizawa—was he watching the storm outside his window, finding ways to blame himself for the freakish weather? The ladies at the salon which would become spirits and such, and the people walking the streets outside. Did they know something was wrong?

He couldn’t think about that right now. He followed the fish.

The glass on the floor was almost impossible to avoid in the lobby, and Reigen winced as several shards bit into the soles of his feet. There wasn’t much he could do about that. He just hoped the injury wouldn’t transfer to the other world.

The fish were darting in between the shards of glass that remained of the front doors.

On the street outside, fallen leaves scuttled around and were picked up in the blustering wind. A small group of leaves were whipped up into a spiral and thrown upwards.

The koi had moved out of sight.

Reigen picked through the glass as fast as he dared to catch up with them. Strange as it was, he didn’t want to be left behind alone in the hospital—though he wasn’t sure the fish exactly counted as company. Something about staying in the hollow building, battered by the storm, felt unsafe. It was a house of cards, and though Reigen knew the building could hold up against some measly wind, he still felt as though the roof could come down on his head.

He’d almost made it to the entrance when he saw someone standing, blocking the exit.

Mob.

Or, young Mob.

Or, whatever had replaced him.

He stood, hands awkwardly fidgeting by his sides. His bowl-cut hair was twitching slightly in the wind, though Reigen felt as though it should have been more affected. Perhaps he was shielding himself with his psychic powers.

“What are you doing here?” Reigen asked. He stopped near the reception desk. The wind felt stronger here, so much that it could almost push him backwards. His voice was mostly whipped away by the storm, but Young Mob seemed to hear.

“You shouldn’t go out there.” Mob said.

“Why is it you always come here to tell me not to go places.” Reigen pointed out. “It only makes me want to go there more.”

“Can’t you see what you’re doing? You’re ruining everything! It’s all falling apart.” Young Mob said, gesturing widely at the hospital lobby. “Don’t you care?”

A large gust of wind caught Reigen off guard. He caught himself against the desk before he could topple. He squinted at Mob, convinced that if he just looked close enough, he’d see the thing wearing Mob’s face behind it.

But Mob remained impassable. He looked at Reigen, a faint line of concern marring his brow. It was an expression very familiar to Reigen, especially on Mob’s face.

“What’s falling apart?”

Young Mob’s eyes widened. There were tears gathering in his lashes. “Everything.”

“What?”

A tear rolled down Young Mob’s cheek. He held out his hand. “I don’t want it to end this way.” He said. His voice didn’t sound like Mob’s; young or old. It was a voice that came from nowhere, or everywhere. “I want to protect you. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Then what am I doing? Explain. Because I’m sick of living torn between two worlds.”

“You’re making it worse.”

“What am I making worse?” Reigen had to shout to be heard above the storm, though he could hear Mob perfectly, and he was speaking softly. He continued, “I’m trying to find a way to end this. It’s gone on too long now. I don’t know how much longer I can…” Reigen rubbed a thumb over the crook of his elbow, where the marks from the IV line would be waiting for him when he woke.

“You have to stop fighting.” Young Mob pleaded, his voice thick with tears.

Reigen had meant to question him, or take him by his shoulders and demand what the hell was happening. But a tenuous and stubborn emotion built up in his chest instead. If there was one thing Reigen prided himself on, it was that he would never stop fighting until a case was solved. Even his own case.

“I can see it’s hurting you.” Young Mob said. He looked truly heartbroken. “It will only stop if you stop fighting.”

What a joke.

“I won’t.” Reigen said. “I’ll fight until you’re gone, or until I’m dead.”

Mob’s face turned sour. He cocked his head to the side. “Then you’ll die.”

Reigen’s lip curled. “I wish you wouldn’t wear his face to tell me something he would never say. It’s insulting.”

This time, ‘Mob’ stopped for a second, thrown for a loop. Then he laughed, a short, huffing laugh.

“That’s very much the point.” ‘Mob’ said. “If you wouldn’t listen to reason, I thought you might listen to him. But you just keep pushing, don’t you?”

Reigen returned his laugh, though with a touch more bitterness. “It’s something I built a business on. Don’t try to con a conman.”
“Ah, so you admit it? That your life is a lie.”

“Not all of it.” Reigen said sharply.

‘Mob’ laughed again, holding a hand over his mouth. His shoulders shook.

Since Reigen had found Mob on a rampage that day three years ago, he’d seen him smile and laugh genuinely more than ever. He loved Mob’s laugh, because it was the sound of someone freed.

The sound of this laugh was the opposite of freedom.

It was spiteful, and echoed around the lobby, sharp as shattered glass.

“You’re not a good liar, as much as you like to tell yourself so.” ‘Mob’ said, “You’re just very good at lying to yourself. I wonder, when you’re so desensitised to your own lies, can you even tell which are your real emotions anymore?” He took a step forward, his shoes silent on the glass. He looked weightless. He tapped his lip with a finger that seemed a little too long for his hand. “Can someone like you ever trust something like love? Only you know the truth of yourself.” His voice dropped lower, like he was telling a secret. “How could anyone love something like that?”

Reigen held ‘Mob’s’ gaze. “I’m going to get out of here.”

“Of course you are.” ‘Mob’ said. “But then, you’ll always come back.”

He held out a hand.

Reigen realised too late what was happening. Mob’s power hit him like a tonne of bricks. Then he was flying backwards, over the reception desk, papers flying.

The hospital gown trailed after him, like a cape.

This time, he had remembered to form a buffer of his hands around his head. He was sure he couldn’t afford any more head traumas.

His shoulders hit the wall first, then his ribs smashed into the hospital sign which was mounted above the desk. It was made of some kind of glass-like plastic, and it cracked beneath his weight.

Then he was crashing back down to earth. He hit the desk first, on his side, then the floor, on his front. His nose smashed against the floor, and he tasted blood.

There was a layer of glass beneath him, and he felt as though he could feel each individual piece as it cut through the thin hospital gown and into his skin.

“Had enough?” ‘Mob’ asked in a childish voice, like they'd been playing a game and Reigen had lost. He was ambling leisurely through the glass-covered floor, picking his way over to where Reigen had fallen.

Reigen wanted to reply, but the truth was, he had had enough. His vision was skewing and the edges were peeling away like they always did when he was about to make the transition into waking. He managed a mild groan of pain.

“Oh, you’re leaving already. What a shame.”

Reigen reached desperately to the boy, though he didn’t know what he hoped to achieve. Somehow, he felt he was closer than he’d ever been to an answer. He didn’t want to wake up yet.

“I’ll be seeing you again, I’m sure. Well, for as long as you have left. Then, all this will be mine.” ‘Mob’ looked up at the ceiling, up to the storm roiling through the shattered skylights. “Not much, but it’s a start, I suppose.”

Reigen was quickly losing consciousness. He wanted to hurl one last insult at the thing wearing his student’s face, but it was too late.

‘Mob’ kneeled to Reigen’s level. He smiled mildly.

“Wake up.” He said. “Please, wake up.”

Chapter Text

I need perfection. Some twisted selection that tangles me, to keep me alive.

Mystify by INXS

When he woke again, he had no idea how much time had passed.

He was still on the couch, Serizawa’s duvet wrapped tightly around his shoulders. The room was dimply lit by the TV screen, but the lamp had been switched off. The tie that Serizawa had gifted him, which had previously been wrapped up in Reigen’s hands, was now folded neatly on the coffee table.

Reigen’s whole body ached. He hurriedly checked his body for lesions from the glass, but there were none. The smattering of needle marks were still there, inflamed and bruised as ever. The newest mark was punctuated with a pinprick of dried blood. Everything else was smooth and unmarred.

Reigen looked around. For a strange moment, his heart lurched at the idea that he’d been left alone. As a man who’d always prided himself on being independent, it was a staggering, unfamiliar panic to be hit with.

But Serizawa hadn’t left.

He was asleep in the same position on the couch that Reigen had left him. His head was angled towards Reigen, resting on his shoulder, arms crossed over his chest. He snored lightly.

A warm comfort settled into Reigen’s bones. Serizawa could have left Reigen on the couch and gone to bed, but he’d stayed. Had he simply fallen asleep, or had it been a conscious decision?

As he was watching Serizawa’s chest fall and rise, the evening rushed back to him. What they’d been discussing before Reigen had been pulled back into the nightmare, into the storm, into the past. The blood rushed to Reigen’s face as he thought about Serizawa’s flushed ears, his flustered expression.

What had he been about to say?

Reigen groaned, as loud as he dared without waking Serizawa, and rubbed a hand over his face. If he didn’t move, he was going to lean over and shake Serizawa awake and ask him what he’d been trying to say. That wouldn’t be fair. He resolved to exercise some self-restraint and let him sleep.

Instead, Reigen pushed himself up, letting the duvet drop from around his shoulders. The chill of Serizawa’s apartment hit him all at once. He shuddered. The corners of his vision swam. He wasn’t surprised to find what appeared to be twitching fins in the shadows of the room.

He padded in socked feet down the hallway until he reached Serizawa’s room. He wondered if it was an invasion of privacy to come in here. Probably. He pushed the door open anyway.

It didn’t open fully. There was a coat hook over the door, on which hung a collection of coats, scarves and sweaters. Reigen ran his hand over them. Everything Serizawa wore seemed to be soft and well-worn.

Reigen looked around, simultaneously running through excuses he’d use if he was caught in here.

I was looking for another blanket, or I needed to lay down.

Looking at Serizawa’s unmade bed, he didn’t think the latter was a lie. He wanted nothing more than to lay down in the nest of discarded clothes and blankets, even if Reigen had abandoned the duvet in the living room. But he didn’t.

The moonlight streaming in through the window told Reigen it was the middle of the night, but he felt no need to corroborate that fact by checking his phone. The silence of the night felt like the kind of stillness that was easily broken. He held his breath, not wanting to make any noise that might break the spell.

Serizawa’s room was smaller than Reigen’s, and felt smaller still with how much junk he’d stuffed in here. There was an open wardrobe piled high with clothes, casual and business mixed together carelessly. A desk piled high with paperwork and files and a few mini-figures was pushed against the far wall.

He sat carefully on Serizawa’s bed. Like everything Serizawa owned, it was soft and worn.

On Serizawa’s nightstand was a stack of manga, a glass of water with dust filming the surface, and a photograph in a cheap frame.

Reigen leaned over and picked up the photograph. He angled it under the moonlight, so that he could see it clearer.

It was one that had been taken on Serizawa’s birthday one year, while he’d still been working at Spirits and Such. In the photo, Serizawa took centre stage and looked incredibly nervous about it. He was flanked on either side by the Kageyama brothers, with Tome and Teru in the back providing bunny ears. Even Shou stood at the edge, side-eying the camera.

Reigen remembered the day. He’d been the one behind the camera.

He returned the photograph to the nightstand. It hit him all at once how selfish he’d been. He’d assumed Serizawa had just wanted to return to Spirits and Such because he felt as though he owed Reigen. But it wasn’t all about Reigen at all. It was about what made Serizawa happy. And looking at the photograph on his nightstand, and even the decor in his apartment, it was clear that Serizawa would never find happiness in an office job like Sato Corp. Not with coworkers that forced him to do things he didn’t want to.

Reigen could only hope that he fit into Serizawa’s pursuit of happiness.

He sat for a moment, listening to the underlying thrum of electricity through the apartment, the distant car alarms and sirens, and below it all, the barely-there snores of Serizawa in the living room.

He got to his feet and crossed the room. Something on the desk had caught his attention. It looked familiar.

He flicked through the files on the desk, most of which were on headed paper from Sato Corp. They were reports, the sort of thing Serizawa might have written at Spirits and Such.

Then the words began to swirl together until they were illegible puddles of ink on each page. He swept a hand over them, as if he could wave them back into legibility.

He blinked, hard.

There was a fluttering feeling in his head. The cold was creeping back in. He stumbled backwards…and opened his eyes.

He was still sitting on the bed. The photograph of Serizawa was still resting on his knees. Like he’d never moved.

He took a deep breath in to try to convince himself he was calm. The dreams were bleeding in, even worse than before. Or, reality was bleeding in. He wasn’t sure.

He put the photograph back on the nightstand, again, hoping this time he hadn’t just dreamt he’d done it. This time, he got up and went straight to the desk, for the item that had caught his eye when he’d walked in.

He pinned it under his hand before it could escape him and brought it to his face. It was what he’d thought it had been. Reigen’s own business card from Spirits and Such.

Except, it had been doodled over with black biro.

Beneath Reigen’s mobile number, in Serizawa’s neat handwriting, were the words ‘What do I do?’

He flipped the card. Blank, except the business name on the back.

He didn’t know how to feel about that. He imagined Serizawa, working late after work, pouring over the papers on his desk. So where had Reigen’s business card come into it? Had it been propped on his desk? Did it serve as some kind of reminder to Serizawa? He imagined Serizawa reaching for it, scrawling a desperate question on the card, one he never asked Reigen himself.

Reigen pocketed the card. He felt strangely attached to it.

A familiar itching feeling was starting to move through his fingers, the way it always had when he’d gone too long without a smoke. He didn’t want to stink up the place, or wake up Serizawa, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep now. Why would he want to?

On his way out of Serizawa’s room, he pulled one of Serizawa’s sweaters down and pulled it over his head to fight back the cold. It was a plain blue crewneck. It smelled stagnant, like it hadn’t been worn in a while, but Reigen didn’t mind. The sleeves fell over his hands.

Unlike Reigen’s, Serizawa’s balcony was unkempt and almost abandoned.

There were a few dead plants in pots with cracked soil, and a sad looking garden chair huddled in the corner. It didn’t matter, Reigen just needed some air.

He pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his teeth. He struck a match and lit up. The smoke did little to chase away the strange swirling sensation on the edges of his vision, but it did quell the itching feeling. He took a deep inhale and blew smoke over the street below.

Serizawa had a better view than him. He was closer to the river, which meant Reigen could see patches of green along with the grey and black. It was almost dead silent outside.

Though, there was an annoying humming noise above Reigen’s head.

For a moment, he’d assumed it was the neighbours washer, or perhaps a AC unit on the roof. But it sounded a little too inconsistent to be a machine. He tapped his cigarette ashes over the railing and looked up.

He groaned.

There was a small, glowing, green blob hovering a few feet in the air above him. Humming to himself.

“How long have you been there?” Reigen asked.

Dimple looked down at him, feet sprouting so that he could look between them. “Few minutes.”

“You don’t have to sneak up on people, you get that, right? You could have come inside.” Reigen pointed out.

Dimple floated down until he gave the illusion of standing on the railing, but remained lightly floating just above it. He gestured to the glass doors which led to the living room where Serizawa was sleeping. “I didn’t want to interrupt anything.” He said, strangely quiet.

“That’s weirdly considerate. Should I be reading into that?”

Dimple shrugged. “Can if you want. I just don’t know what’s going on with you two these days. You seem to be here more often that you’re at your own apartment.”

“Have you been watching me?”

Dimple levelled a serious glare at him. “When your friend tells you he might be dying, ya tend to keep a closer eye on him.” He said, then quickly added, “It’s not creepy!”

“Aww.” Reigen smiled facetiously. “You do have room in your cold, evil heart for me.”

Dimple barked a harsh laugh, but when he calmed back down, he simply said, “Maybe I do, after all.”

Reigen took a drag and watched the smoke spiral. He turned to Dimple. “We think it’s the spirit, doing all this.” He gestured at his head.

“Who’s we?”

“Everyone. Well, I spoke to Mob and friends. This thing inside me almost blew their heads off when they tried to exorcise it.”

Dimple nodded, as if he’d been expecting this. “I had my doubts when you first told me the news. I thought I could feel something weird in there.” Dimple rapped his incorporeal knuckles on the side of Reigen’s head. “But it feels…”

“Different? Yeah, the esper’s said the same thing.”

“Have you tried what we did with that Minori chick? Mogami was rooted so deep in her mind, Mob had to turn to his spirit form to even get in her head. It wasn’t easy.”

Reigen shook his head. “This thing knows we’re onto it. It won’t let anyone get close.”

Dimple looked at him for a long moment, blinking slowly. “Not even…” He launched himself suddenly, careening towards Reigen’s head, “Me!?” He yelled as he hurled himself against Reigen.

Reigen’s hand lifted without being told. His cigarette dropped through his fingers. His fingers splayed out.

Dimple stopped, an inch before Reigen’s face, held in place by some sort of force. A force that was coming from…

“Reigen? Are you doing that?” Dimple asked, his voice tense from the tight hold the power had on him.

“Uh, not really.” Reigen wanted power like this, but not in this way. He tried to force his hand to drop Dimple, but it had stopped responding. “It’s the spirit. It knows what you’re trying to do.”

Reigen’s hand pulled back. Reigen watched it with horror.

“Dimple, move away!” He ordered quickly, “It’s doing…something!”

Dimple fought against the hold, managing to pull back slightly. Reigen grabbed his rogue arm with his left hand, fighting to hold it back. What ensured was a few moments of awkward struggling, and if anyone was watching them from the street below, Reigen was sure he looked like a crazy man fighting his own hand.

But he pulled back, and Dimple pinged away like a pea in a rubber band, finally released. He floated upwards and hovered an arms-width away. He was watching Reigen with open suspicion.

“What the hell was that?” Dimple said, his ego clearly rumpled.

“I told you—that thing knows when you’re coming, and it’ll stop you.” Reigen rubbed his arm, happy to have regained his bodily functions. He silently mourned the half-smoked cigarette that was burning merrily away on the ground next to his feet.

“That’s not good.”

“I know, I’m really trying to quit.” Reigen said, nudging the cigarette with his toe.

“No, idiot. I mean—”

“I know what you meant.” Reigen said quickly, “You think I don’t understand the gravity of my situation? At least a brain tumour is treatable. I don’t know how much longer I’ve got left with this thing in my head.” He said it lightly, as if his words didn’t weigh on him every second of every day.

“Does he know?” Dimple asked. He didn’t have to specify who.

Reigen nodded. “He knows most of it. He’s probably more worried than I am. He…wants to help. But doesn’t know how. I think it hurts him.”

Dimple snorted, “Of course it does.”

“What do you mean?”

Dimple’s eyebrows inched upwards with surprise. He floated closer. “You seriously don’t get it, do you?” He said enigmatically.

“Get what? I—” Reigen stopped, and thought. Serizawa had told Reigen he cared for him, more than he should. He had told him that he wanted to come back to Spirits and Such because he wanted to help people with Reigen. And Reigen had tried not to read too much into it. But after the tie gift, and the way Serizawa had looked at him right before he’d passed out, and the business card burning in his pocket… What do I do?

“Serizawa and I are…” Reigen tried, then threw his hands up. “Ah, I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“You’re aware you’re wearing his sweater, right?” Dimple deadpanned. “Seems pretty cut and dry to me.”

Reigen looked down. A heat rose to his cheeks. “Yeah, sure. Okay, we’re close. Like friends. Sort of. But, I don’t know what he really feels. He’s awful at talking about this kind of stuff, and I don’t want to rush him! I feel like I’ve already forced myself into his life, I don’t want to force him to think about all this stuff too. Not when I’m spending half my life passed out.”

Dimple stroked his chin. It looked quintessentially evil. “I’ve hung around him enough to know, whatever your move, he’s with you. It’s like he said,” Dimple’s voice adopted a teasing vibrato, “I care for you more than I should.” Dimple grasped his hands together under his chin as he spoke. He fluttered his lashes, “Oh, Reigen!”

“You bastard, so you were watching. Creep!” Reigen jabbed a finger at him.

Dimple rolled in the air as he laughed. “I mighta caught the tail end of the conversation.”

Reigen tapped out another cigarette into his palm. He didn’t like to leave things unfinished. “Get out of here.” He swatted at Dimple like he was an annoying fly.

Dimple swirled up weightlessly, grinning wide.

Reigen frowned at him, trying to make his disapproval abundantly clear.

“For what it’s worth, I think you should stop holding yourself back.” Dimple said, with a slightly facetious wink that set Reigen’s teeth on edge. “What have you got to lose?”

Reigen thought about how the life he wished for Serizawa and the life he wished for himself didn’t match up. But he still selfishly wished Serizawa would remain in his life. So what did he have to lose? Quite a bit, as it turned out.

“Your advice is awful.” Reigen pointed out.

“Maybe.” Dimple said, “But sometimes all you need is a push.” Dimple reached out, and before Reigen could stop him, he slammed his palm into the glass door.

It was a loud banging sound. The glass wobbled with the impact.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? You’ll wake him up.” Reigen hissed.

Dimple floated out of reach before Reigen could grab him. “Night, Reigen.” He said, and blew a kiss. He shot up into the open air, becoming nothing but a fart-shaped star in the distance.

Reigen sent a curse after him. Idiot.

Reigen was just about to place the cigarette in his mouth when the door slid open.

Serizawa stood in the doorway, his eyes still heavy with sleep.

“What’s going on?” He asked. “I heard a—”

“The sound of calamity incarnate?” Reigen asked flatly.

“No…I thought I heard a bang. Are you…?”

“Fine.” Reigen said. “Sorry for passing out on you. Again.”

“It’s fine. I thought I’d let you sleep.” Serizawa’s eyes tracked Reigen’s hand as he pulled the box of matches from his pocket. “Couldn’t you get back to sleep?”

Reigen shrugged. “Had a weird dream.” It was a hell of an understatement, but he was good at those.

“Oh. You could have woken me. You know, for company.”

“You looked peaceful. Didn’t want to disturb you.” The breeze was cold, biting at Reigen’s exposed skin. His fingers felt numb and cumbersome as he struck another match and lit the cigarette between his teeth.

“I see. Is it okay if I join you out here? Looks like a nice clear night.” Serizawa said, his eyes drifting up skywards.

“It was.” Reigen said, thinking of Dimple. Then he realised how insulting it sounded out of context, “Uh, I just needed to clear my head. Of course you can join me. It’s your balcony.”

“I hardly use it. I’m not much of a green thumb, unlike you.” He said. “I guess I never really took to nature. Or it never took to me.”

Reigen tried not to point out how obvious that was, but he settled for taking a puff of his cigarette instead. He was lost in thought about Dimple’s words.

What have you got to lose?

Looking at Serizawa, Reigen realised he had a lot more to lose than he had before.

“It suits you, in a weird way.” Serizawa said, his voice fried with sleep. “Though, I kind of wish it didn’t.”

“What? This?” Reigen twitched the cigarette, scattering glowing ash over his fingers.

Serizawa nodded. “It makes you look cool.”

Reigen tutted. “As if I need help with that.”

“Well, no. Of course not.” Serizawa hummed, playing along. He rested his arms on the balcony railing. “I always wondered what it was like.”

“Being cool?”

Serizawa snorted. “No, I meant the smoking.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll save you the trouble. There’s almost nothing pleasant about it, but it really is addictive. It’s an expensive habit too.” Reigen blew smoke into the air. “If you had to pick a vice, I wouldn’t recommend this one.”

“I’ve always wanted to try. In some way, it was a milestone I missed when I was growing up. Don’t most teenagers sneak a cigarette against their parent’s wishes?”

“Nowadays, I don’t think so. But if you want to try now, theres’s no one stopping you.”

He blinked at Reigen, like he hadn’t even considered it. “Really? Can I?”

“Knock yourself out.” Reigen held out his hand, the filter-side of the cigarette angled to Serizawa.

Serizawa looked at it like it was a forbidden drug. He hesitated, but accepted. “What do I do?” He asked.

Reigen smirked, “Don’t put the burning end in your mouth.”

Serizawa laughed and shook his head. He took a puff. Reigen watched the end of the cigarette glow as Serizawa inhaled.

Strangely, it suited Serizawa too. With his five-o-clock shadow and dark circles, the way he held his hand cupped against his face, it made him look a little like a mafioso.

The illusion was shattered when he immediately sucked in a gulp of air, a strangled noise emanating from his throat. He was trying not to cough, but his face was turning red. The smoke came back out of his nose. He held the cigarette out for Reigen to take, all the while spluttering like he’d just been pulled up from underwater.

“How was that?” Reigen asked smugly.

Serizawa took another wheezing breath. “Not bad.”

“You don’t have to spare my feelings.”

“Okay, yeah. It’s pretty bad.” Serizawa coughed again. “That woke me up.”

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” Serizawa said. “It’s an experience, I suppose.” He smiled at Reigen, then frowned. “Is that…my sweater?”

Reigen looked down. He’d forgotten. He swung his arms awkwardly. “Yeah. Sorry, I got a little cold. Ugh, and now I’ve made it smell like smoke.” He buried his nose in the sleeve and took a breath. Sure enough, added to the layer of aftershave and sweat, was an acrid scent of smoke. “I’ll wash it.”

“No, it’s…I don’t mind the smell. Besides, it…looks good on you. Somehow.” Serizawa faced away as he spoke, but his red ears gave him away. “I don’t know. The colour, or something.”

Reigen looked around, half expecting Dimple to be watching them from above, chuckling to himself. But Serizawa was right. The sky was clear. It was actually beautiful, when he really looked. The moon was full and bright above them. Even the smoke spiralling from Reigen’s cigarette looked pretty under the light.

“Serizawa, what were you going to say? Before I passed out.” Reigen asked brusquely, though in reality his heart was hammering.

Serizawa jumped. “Um, well…I-I’m not entirely sure. I just…”

Reigen looked up at him through his lashes, feeling as though his dreams had bled through into reality again. He followed the line of Serizawa’s jaw in the silvery light, the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

Maybe he shouldn’t push him.

But he wanted to.

“You don’t have to answer.” Reigen said quickly.

Serizawa’s chest rose with a deep breath. “I was going to tell you something. But I’m not sure how to say it.”

“Really?” Reigen said mildly. He was obtrusively staring at Serizawa’s lips as he spoke, unable to concentrate on much else. “What was it about?”

“I was going to tell you…” Serizawa faltered. “Well…first, would you allow me to selfishly ask you for some advice?”

Reigen widened his field of vision and realised Serizawa’s face was deeply flushed. He looked nervous, practically humming with energy. Reigen half-expected everything not nailed down to start floating.

But Serizawa took a breath and steeled himself. “The woman, in the hotel room. The one my coworkers hired. I know I was supposed to want her.” He reached out and caught the railing like he was scared he’d fall over. “But…If I told you I didn’t want her in that way, would that be okay?”

“Of course it is. It’s normal. I told you that already.”

“No…” Serizawa laughed gently, nervously. “I mean…I want that sort of thing.”

Reigen’s heart crashed down a few levels in his chest before he caught it.

“But not with her.” Serizawa said.

“No?” Hope buoyed back up.

Serizawa shook his head. “Not with a woman.”

Reigen fought to keep his face still. He wanted to grin, but that was selfish. He touched Serizawa’s arm lightly. “That’s normal too, Serizawa.” He spoke softly, feeling as though he’d spook Serizawa if he was too loud, or too brash. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I know. I know there’s not. But it’s just… What if I wanted that with…”

“With who?” Reigen was painfully aware of how close he’d moved to Serizawa. He could practically feel the heat coming off of him. He was also painfully aware that he was staring, but he couldn’t stop. He watched Serizawa’s throat bob as he swallowed.

Don’t do this, he warned himself. Don’t ruin this.

“I…” Serizawa’s eyes darted away, then back, then away again. Despite his clear agitation, he was smiling bashfully, like a schoolboy. “The way you’re looking at me. What is it? Is something wrong?”

“Uh…” Reigen tapped the ash from the end of the cigarette.

Don’t.

“Arataka?” Serizawa prompted. His soft expression had become marred by a line of concern.

Reigen wanted to reach over and smooth out the crease in Serizawa’s brow.

Shit.

Reigen gently tipped Serizawa’s chin, and kissed him.

For a moment, Reigen was afraid Serizawa would pull away. It had happened in nightmares before, but he had been holding out hope that this might be a dream instead.

But a second later, Serizawa relaxed. Serizawa’s kiss was heavy, his lips slightly too tense, but he was earnest.

And, if the hunger behind his kiss was anything to go by, he’d been thinking about this for a while. And the thought of that made Reigen’s head feel faint—fainter than usual.

Reigen let his fingers smooth over his jaw. His thumb threaded into the hair that curled around Serizawa’s cheeks. Like Reigen’s, it had grown beyond its desired length the past couple of weeks, but they’d both had bigger priorities.

Reigen had dropped his cigarette in favour of twisting his hand into the back of Serizawa’s shirt. His other hand moved to the back of Serizawa’s neck, where his hair grazed his collar.

For a moment, Serizawa’s arms remained at his side, though his fingers flexed with indecision. After Serizawa seemed to regain some senses, his hands went to Reigen’s sides, grazing his ribs. His fingers hooked around Reigen’s hips and pulled him closer.

Reigen’s insides fluttered with the proximity. The warmth of Serizawa, suddenly close enough to touch.

He could taste the smoke on Serizawa’s lips, on the inside of his mouth.

Serizawa’s hands on Reigen’s hips shifted, and his fingers skirted against bare skin. In response, mindlessly, Reigen’s hand at Serizawa’s back dropped to slip beneath the hemline of his shirt. He felt along Serizawa’s back, the muscles tense beneath his fingers, the skin there was slightly clammy.

It was a little unpracticed, for both of them. Their lips tripped over each other. At one point, their teeth clacked together and they had to withdraw and giggle like a pair of kids.

But just as quickly, Serizawa’s gaze dropped to Reigen’s mouth and his eyes were half-lidded, and Reigen wondered how he’d ever been able to look at his face without caving. Serizawa kissed a bruise into Reigen’s lower lip, and Reigen felt himself melt into Serizawa’s broad chest.

He touched Reigen’s cheek. The callouses on his palm were rough against Reigen’s skin, but the touch was soft, warm, and he realised he had been starved of this. He’d starved himself of this.

Of course, he’d been with other people, but with Serizawa it felt different. He felt less exposed. It felt safer.

Serizawa’s breath was coming in short gasps against Reigen’s cheek, between his lips.

He pressed himself closer, revelling in the feeling of a body next to his. He’d spent years thinking about what he’d do if this ever happened, and now he was here, his mind was all but blank.

When they broke away again, Serizawa watched Reigen silently, a strange look on his face.

“I really hope you were going to say you wanted me.” Reigen said quickly.

Serizawa’s expression crumbled to make way for laughter. “Of course.”

“You didn’t have to be so demure about it.” Reigen scolded.

“What do you mean?”

Reigen wrapped an arm around Serizawa’s neck, entertaining himself with how much taller Serizawa was. “I mean, I all but asked you if you liked me, and you still played coy.”

Serizawa flushed, but he was grinning. “I was waiting for you to make the first move.”

“Just to torture me?”

“To be sure.” Serizawa said, eyebrows raised. “You’re not exactly…easy to read yourself. I had to make sure you felt the same.”

“Well. I hope it’s pretty obvious now.”

Serizawa laughed. It was a booming, hearty laugh. The sound of someone freed. One that was so contagious, Reigen couldn’t help but laugh along. It felt good to let everything out; his nerves, the overthinking, the repressed feelings—it all seemed stupid, now, listening to Serizawa’s joyous laugh echoing into the empty streets below. He heard a few sobs leak through along with the laughter, and hoped Serizawa wouldn’t notice his red eyes.

It was a strange sensation, to let go all at once after holding it in for so long. It was bittersweet, despite his joy. He might sleep forever after this.

And above it all, he still had the threat of the thing in his head, reigning his every thought. That put a damper on everything.

And another feeling was building up inside of him. It felt strange, like a…buzzing through his limbs. He’d felt it before, a few times.

His laughter died out into a chuckle, then into nothing. He wiped the tears from his eyes quickly, before Serizawa could notice.

“Are you okay?” Serizawa asked.

Too late.

“Yeah, I’m just…I feel…” Reigen’s train of thought was cut off when he looked past Serizawa.

“What is it?”

“Just…look.”

Serizawa looked.

Around them, the dead plants and empty pots that lived on the balcony were floating a few inches into the air.

“Sorry.” Serizawa said, his face flushing even deeper. “I was just…so happy.”
Reigen’s heart swelled. Was it really Reigen who’d caused that kind of reaction in Serizawa? He smiled, and gestured at the floating objects. “It’s not just you.”

The strange cursed power that the spirit had gifted him was swirling around them both, aiding Serizawa’s telekinetic display. It looked slightly different from Serizawa’s, a shadow around each item, instead of the weak glow that Serizawa’s powers caused. This was to Reigen’s untrained eye at least, he couldn’t imagine what psychic aura must look like to a true psychic.

Reigen held a hand out and touched the flowerpot floating closest to his head. It was engulfed in shadow. It didn’t respond when Reigen touched it.

“That’s weird.” Reigen said.

“It’s worse.” Serizawa said.

Oh no. Reigen didn’t want him to worry. Even less, after everything that had happened.

“It’s different.” Reigen said, unable to find another word for it.

“Can you control it?”

“…No.”

“Oh.”

Reigen shrugged. “It’s one of the less terrible side effects of this whole thing.” He chuckled weakly, “I can almost pretend I’m a real psychic.”

Serizawa shot him an expression that wouldn’t look out of place on the face of a puppy. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. If it can take control of—”

Reigen caught Serizawa’s face between his hands to cut him off. “Worrying won’t change it.”

Serizawa flushed. “You can’t just kiss me like that and then tell me not to worry about you.”

“There’s not much we can do about it.”

“Yes, there is.” Serizawa said suddenly, reaching up to squeeze his hand.

“What?”

“We’re going to do something about it because there’s no other alternative. We have to. But…first, I think you should get some rest. We can speak about it later.”

“Sleep?” Reigen blinked up at him.

“Yes…” Serizawa murmured. He brushed his thumb beneath Reigen’s eye, where there was no doubt a dark circle. “You look…”

Reigen raised an eyebrow. “I’m just going to assume I look like shit most of the time. I’m being slowly killed by a malevolent spirit camping in my mind, I’d say it’s kind of understandable.”

Serizawa cast him a look that was half concern and half frustration. “Come on.”

He followed Serizawa inside.

Reigen beelined to the couch, stooping to pick up the duvet from where he’d abandoned it on the floor, and was rewarded with a terrible head rush.

“Where are you going?”

Reigen gestured at the couch. “Sleeping.”

Serizawa’s eyebrows inched up. “Not there.”

“Oh, don’t start this again.”

“You won’t get any proper sleep there.”

“I can’t kick you out of your own bed.” Reigen pointed out.

“You’re not.” Serizawa said. “I’ll sleep fine on the couch. Come on, I’ll get you set up in my room.”

Reigen stood, still holding the duvet, feeling like a child. He padded after Serizawa obediently, feeling like he was floating outside of his own body. He was sure this was only partly due to his exhaustion, and mostly down to the echo of Serizawa’s lips on his that he was playing on a loop for as long as he could hold it in his head.

Serizawa took the duvet from Reigen and threw it over the bed in one smooth movement. He folded back an edge. Reigen had to admit, it looked pretty inviting. He sat on the edge of the bed, feeling childish.

“Will you be okay?” Serizawa said, watching him out of the corner of his eye as he drew the curtains and cut the moonlight out of the room. It was clear Serizawa was worried he’d fall into another feverish dream.

Reigen nodded.

Serizawa turned to leave, shooting a strange look over his shoulder. It was worry, but something else marred his brow. Something that set his lips into a thin line. Rejection, or something like it.

And Reigen felt it too. Suddenly, the thought of sleeping a whole room apart was too much. Though he’d spent almost his entire life sleeping alone, tonight he didn’t feel comfortably alone sitting on Serizawa’s bed. He felt lonely. It was suffocating. Almost too much to bear.

Serizawa was closing the door behind him.

“Don’t go.” Reigen said.

For a moment, he thought Serizawa hadn’t heard him. He’d barely spoken above a whisper. Then the door paused, and swung slowly open again.

Serizawa’s face was carefully blank.

“Please don’t go.” Reigen said again, in case he hadn’t properly heard the first time.

Serizawa didn’t say anything. He didn’t really need to.

He crossed the room, stepping over a pile of washing on instinct. He eased himself onto the bed, sitting next to Reigen. He budged close, until their shoulders were touching.

Reigen let his head drop onto Serizawa’s shoulder. In the dark, he felt safe.

Chapter Text

Find the line, find the same through the grain.

Find the outline and things will tell you their name.

Night Vision by Suzanne Vega

Serizawa had gone to Spirits and Such alone.

“I’m sorry.” He’d said that morning, leaving Reigen behind in bed. “I know you don’t want to, but you…need to rest. I can handle the next client.”

Reigen had rolled over, full of sleep, the events of the night before rushing back to him. It had taken him a moment to regain his senses enough to protest. “I haven’t even got you back on the payroll yet.”

“That’s a really weak excuse.” Serizawa had said, and pulled his tie closed around his neck. “Besides, I’ll ask Tome to keep track of my hours.” He chuckled, “She’ll make sure you pay me.”

Serizawa had hesitated by the bed for a moment, his face blank, his fingers tapping a beat on his side. Reigen knew by now that it meant Serizawa’s mind was racing.

“You okay?” Reigen had asked sleepily.

Serizawa had dipped down, folding over Reigen. His tie had trailed over Reigen’s chest as he’d kissed him goodbye.

Then he’d left.

Reigen hadn’t moved since.

He’d been clinging to the residual warmth from Serizawa, and he was busy replaying everything that had happened the night before. Reminding himself that yes, it had been real.

He traced a fingertip over the arch of his lips, retracing Serizawa’s steps. He’d been praying with sick desperation for years that Serizawa might feel the same way. Now that he had his answer, it felt like something had burst within him, painting everything in a vibrancy and brilliance that was almost too much. Even Serizawa’s room looked brighter in the morning. The piles of laundry had become floral arrangements. The curtains were crashing waterfalls, the windows spilt fractals of sunlight over the bed.

He turned onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. His feelings were too big for his body. He felt like a teenage boy again. The pillow was heavy with the musky smell of Serizawa. Reigen withdrew.

He couldn’t just lay in bed all day while Serizawa ran his business for him. He was a grown man.

He threw back the duvet and eased himself up.

Despite his rare elation, it was still a challenge to convince his muscles to revive. His body was feeling heavier and heavier as the days went on, regardless of how much sleep he got. The bruised skin on the inside of his elbow was red and irritated and radiating heat. He wondered, through his amber coated contentment, how much longer he could last. How long until his body gave out? It was a simple effort to drag himself out of bed.

It felt like it had been going on for years already.

Reigen padded through the apartment, to the bathroom. As he entered the room, he eyed himself suspiciously in the mirror. The strange vision he’d experienced in here was still fresh in his mind, where Serizawa had found him flooding the bathroom. When he stared for too long, the man looking back at him became…unfamiliar. He was paler than Reigen, bruised and delicate. The bones at his cheeks and collar jutted at strange angles and cast purple shadows over his skin. His hair was scraggly and too long. There were coarse greys mixed in with the box blonde and natural brown.

He didn’t know when his own body had become a stranger.

He ran a hand over the largest bruise, on his shoulder. It was made of deep blues and violets, with mottles of dark red where the blood vessels had burst beneath his skin. It was a new bruise, one that had developed overnight.

It was right where he’d hit his shoulder when he’d fallen in the dream.

Was it? But how could that even happen? Surely it was just a coincidence.

But he couldn’t think of when else it may have happened. He looked on the soles of his feet and found them unmarred. No cuts from the glass. So how did it work? He’d definitely cut himself on the glass, so why was he just left with bruises?

He pressed his fingers into it and hissed. Dream or not, the pain was very real.

He threw a towel over the mirror and turned the knob on the shower until it spat out scalding water. The room quickly filled with steam.

He stepped into the shower and let the water run over his body. As he helped himself to Serizawa’s shampoo and shower gel, he thought about his next move.

Serizawa had indicated the night before that he might have a plan for dealing with the spirit, though Reigen had all but given up. He knew he was missing something—that much became all the more obvious after the previous night’s dream. Young Mob, or whatever had been wearing his face, had some kind of plan for him.

All this will be mine, he’d said.

But what did that mean? The dream hospital? Or the entire world? That was ridiculous.

It scared him. Of course it did.

Whatever it was, it was malicious. And it had tighter control on him than ever. He could feel it, almost constantly, buzzing in the back of his head. A reminder that he wouldn’t be free until that thing was gone.

He chuckled. Never truly alone. How ironic.

Reigen ran his hands through the tangles in his hair, washing away the shampoo. He hummed to himself, if only to fill the silence. It seemed like he’d been living in close proximity to Serizawa for long enough that the silence of his own company was once again hostile to him. He made a mental note to switch the TV on once he got out of the shower.

How pathetic, he thought, I can’t even get through a morning by myself.

He scrubbed his hands over his face, washing the sleep out of his eyes. He barely felt the scalding heat of the shower. He’d been cold for so long now that nothing seemed to get him warm anymore. He swiped the water away and opened his eyes again.

There was something in the mirror.

He scrambled backwards. He slipped on the shower tray and caught himself against the wall, his hand spidering against the cold tiles behind him. The chill of the wall against his back sent another shockwave through him.

The towel had somehow dropped from the mirror. Reflected in it, through the thick condensation from the shower, was the hospital room. The one he’d dreamt every night for over a month.

Reigen shut off the shower with force and threw a towel around his shoulders. His hair was still thick with suds that he hadn’t rinsed. Serizawa’s sweet smelling shampoo ran down his neck.

He crossed the bathroom, spurred half by determination, half by fear. When he reached the mirror, he swept his bare arm over its surface, clearing away the condensation.

The hospital room was still there, exactly as he’d left it in the dream the night before. The instruments and machines around the bed pulsed, displaying read-outs that meant nothing to Reigen.

And in the bed, he saw himself.

In the mirror, the blanket was pulled up to his chest, his right arm was stretched out and attached to the IV line. He was unconscious. His chest barely rose and fell. His skin was ashy and sickly looking.

Reigen blinked hard. Had he somehow fallen unconscious again? If he had, he’d been completely unaware of the transition. Though, it seemed to be happening more and more recently. It seemed the more time he spent in the other place, the easier it drew him in.

He touched the surface of the mirror.

He didn’t know what he’d expected. The glass to ripple like quicksilver beneath his fingers, or to fall through into the other side?

He didn’t.

His warm fingers, reddened from the heat of the shower, met cold glass. The room beyond didn’t change, but it felt like it was reaching out to him. The Reigen in the mirror twitched. His eyebrows drew together, like he was on the edge of awakening.

But he didn’t.

And when Reigen blinked again, the mirror was back to reflecting what it should.

Serizawa’s bathroom, and the gaunt man standing in it, dripping wet and half covered by a towel.

Somewhere in the apartment, a phone was ringing.

Reigen had been catching up on emails on his work laptop (and reading through a few negative reviews from clients he’d cancelled on) when he’d jolted at the trill of his own ringtone. He leapt up, the duvet he’d wrapped around his shoulders dropping to the floor. Serizawa had told him to rest, but he couldn’t just sit and watch daytime TV.

He found the source of the ringing in his bag, still sat next to the front door to the apartment where he’d left it.

He wondered how Serizawa was getting on at the office. He shook his head and flipped his phone open.

“Hello?” He said, hearing uncertainty creep into his voice.

There was a heavy sigh of relief which rattled through the phone, then the person on the other end spoke. “Thank god you picked up. I was starting to think you’d passed out in the path of an oncoming car, or been zapped into space or something.”

“Tome?” Reigen gripped his phone tighter.

“So you do still know who I am.”

“Of course. Why? Is everything okay? You never call.”

Tome laughed, though it sounded a little forced. “Well, yes and no. Do you have time to chat?”

Reigen looked around Serizawa’s empty apartment. “Sure. Go ahead.”

“Oh good. So glad you have time for me.” She said. She sounded a little bitter.

He supposed it had been a while since he’d last seen her. “Tome, I’m sorry, I’ve been—”

“Busy. It’s fine. I’m just…worried, you know? The last time we spoke, you were being weird. And not good weird. And then you kinda disappeared.” Tome went silent for a bit, then there was a loud crash through the receiver.

Reigen held his phone away from his ear until the crash subsided without blowing out his eardrums.

“Tome, are you inside a building that’s currently being demolished?”

“Uh, no. Well, possibly?”

“Would you just tell me what’s going on?” Reigen snapped, hoping to shock some sense into her.

“You have to promise you won’t be pissed. And you’re not allowed to fire me.”

“Okay.” Reigen murmured noncommittally. Truthfully, he had no idea what the process was to fire someone in his employ, but he was sure it involved more paperwork than was worth his time.

“I said promise.”

“What, do you want it in writing?” Reigen joked.

The silence on the line told him she was actually considering it.

“Fine.” Reigen said, “I promise.”

“Good.” She said. “So, I’ve been taking on a few of your clients.”

“What?”

“You promised you wouldn’t be pissed.”

“Tome, you’re my assistant. You don’t just take on my clients, that’s—” He was going to tell her it was unprofessional, but how could he? He was barely a professional himself these days. How could he blame her for picking up work when he was neglecting his own job? She was just trying to help. “That’s not your responsibility. It’s mine. Besides, I thought you were studying for exam season right now? You don’t have time to do my job for me.”

Tome huffed. “I’m flunking. I’m totally flunking—”

She was cut off by another loud noise, though this time, it sounded like another voice. It was confirmed when Reigen heard Tome’s voice apologising, coming through quieter as though she was holding her hand over the receiver.

“Who’s there with you?” Reigen asked.

“Uh. Miss—what was your name?” Tome’s voice once again faded out as she turned away from the receiver. When she came back, she sounded louder. “Mrs Makoto. She’s the wife of the client.”

“Right. Which client is this?”

“Mr Makoto, obviously.”

“Obviously.” Reigen agreed, not wanting her to read into his distraction. “So where are you? And what the hell is happening? It sounds like…”

“If it sounds like someone is trying to break the door down, that’s because they are.” Tome said.

“Who is?”

“Mr Makoto.”

Reigen groaned, “I thought you said he was the client.”

“Well maybe not! Mrs Makoto said he's been acting aggressively lately…” Tome protested. “I wasn’t sure, but he seems to have become…possessed.”

“Possessed!?” Reigen found himself shouting into the phone. He held it to his ear with his shoulder as he rushed around the apartment retrieving his clothes.

“Well, I’m no expert on ghosts.” Tome said as Reigen was swapping his sweatpants for his slacks. They were creased.

“Yes, that’s why I told you to leave any jobs like this to me.”

“I know. And if you’d been around, you’d know that Mrs Makoto has been trying to contact you for help for weeks now!”

“…Right. I’m sorry.” Reigen pulled his shirt on and buttoned one-handed. It was also creased and dirty. There were spots of blood on the collar, faded to a copper brown. Tome would definitely be suspicious as to why he didn’t have a clean change of clothes, but he hardly had time to go back to his own apartment now.

Tome continued to rattle on in his ear.

Good, he thought, as long as she’s talking, she’s safe.

She was saying, “If he was communicating telepathically somehow, I’m sure I’d be able to work out how to solve this…Or if there was some kind of extraterrestrial link, I’d at least be able to relate,” She was mumbling quickly, “but I think this job is more—”

Her voice faded away, and there was a brief scuffle over the line, like she was fighting something off.

“Tome?” Reigen heard concern tinge his voice.

“I’m back!” Tome said breathlessly. “Actually, this is kind of urgent. You know how you told me if I needed anything, I could call, and you’d help?”

“Yes. Of course I do.”

“Well, I need to call in that favour.” She said hurriedly.

There was another loud slam over the line. Reigen pulled the phone away again, blinking hard. His head was spinning, though he’d hardly done anything since waking up.

“I’m—I’m already on my way. Where are you?” He asked sternly.

“Just around the corner from your apartment, near the school. I’ll text you the address.”

It may have been around the corner from his own apartment, but Serizawa lived closer to the city. Which meant he’d need to get a train. Which meant he was still about half an hour away from Tome’s location.

He was an idiot.

“Tome, listen, I’m—” He wrenched the door open, grabbing Serizawa’s key and locking the apartment behind him. His panicked breathing echoed into the stairwell. “I’m not at home. Can you hold out for a while longer?”

“Oh yeah, we’ll try our best not to die in the meantime. Hey, where are you, anyway—” Tome said, before the phone was snatched away.

A higher pitched voice replaced her, breathing heavily through the receiver.

“You get here as soon as you can, Mr Reigen.” The high pitched voice said, a slight accent toning her words. It must have been Mrs Makoto. She sounded…desperate. “My husband is a good man. But he’s sick. He’s got…some kind of demon in him. I need your help, before he kills us both!”

Reigen forced his customer service persona to the fore, as much as he wanted to tell Mrs Makoto to put Tome back on the line. Reigen took the stairs two at a time, and reached the street on legs that were already giving up. He didn’t know how he’d make it to the train station. Serizawa was right to tell him to wait at home. He was almost useless right now.

Despite this, he continued, “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Miss. Do you have access to salt?”

“What? How is that supposed to help?”
“You asked for my help. Now, listen to me. Do you have salt?”

“Uh—yes! I’m in my apartment. I must have some salt here…Is sea salt fine? My husband is a chef, he only uses the finest salt…”

Reigen was about to point out that all salt is sea salt, but bit his tongue. Time and place. “Okay, that’s good. Mrs Makoto, use the salt to form a line across the door.”

“A line?”

“Yes, on the floor, across the threshold—in fact, give the salt to Tome, my assistant. She’ll know what to do.”

“O-okay.”

Reigen has reached the station. He’d get cut off as soon as he went downstairs and lost signal. He just had to hope Tome had learned enough to stay safe. He almost laughed. Any of the other kids, and the possessed Mr Makoto would be exorcised and back to normal by now, but it had to be Tome, didn’t it?

“Tell Tome to hang on. I’ll be there soon.” Reigen said firmly, then hung up.

He’d make it before anyone got hurt. He thought about calling Serizawa as he marched through the station, heading for his platform—the one he’d usually take to get home from Serizawa’s. He’d told Serizawa he’d accept help from now on. But Serizawa was already doing enough. He was holding down the fort at Spirits and Such. For all he knew, there could be an even bigger incident at the office, though he trusted that Serizawa could handle pretty much anything.

The display showing the train schedules was illegible to Reigen’s misty eyes. The words swirled together, like they did in dreams.

He thought about the scene he’d seen in the mirror, of his own body wasting away in the hospital bed. It had seemed…familiar. The sort of familiar that reached out and snagged on the edges of his thoughts, like an unwelcome stowaway.

He’d also only managed to pull on his white button-up, which wasn’t enough to combat the freezing chills that were pulling through his body. He rubbed his arms, half cold, half anxious.

He’d make it in time. Tome would be fine.

He told himself this, and checked his phone again.

She’d be fine.

Chapter Text

Every backbone and heart you break will still come back for more.

Submission ends it all.

Bye Bye Bad Man by The Stone Roses

Reigen stared at his phone screen until the address Tome had texted him became clear enough to read. He rubbed his eyes.

He was feeling the same familiar old wave of lethargy that flooded through him when he was close to passing out. He balled his fists, digging his nails into the flesh of his palms. The pain chased back the lethargy, but it was a temporary solution. He wouldn’t be much help if he arrived just in time to drop unconscious.

He followed the address to a side street. Tome had been right. It was close to the old middle school. It felt familiar to be in this part of the city, and he was sure it was nostalgic for her too. He smiled, despite the situation. She’d be fine.

He raced as fast as his legs could be convinced to carry him, which wasn’t much of a race at all. Despite his condition, he’d still made good time to get to the Makoto’s apartment in under half an hour. He remembered his mother used to joke that he could sweet-talk hours into minutes if it benefited him. In this case, it did.

Mrs Makoto’s apartment was on the fifth floor, which Reigen wished he’d had pre-warning for. The steps had sapped what little energy he had left, and by the time he reached the top, he was ready to sit down and never get up. He dragged himself onwards.

When he got to the front door and held out his hand to knock, he was struck with how calm it seemed, compared to the racket he could hear over the phone. Did he have the right place? It would be quite the cherry on top of the shit cake if he’d ended up at the wrong address. Or worse, none of this was happening, and in reality he’d passed out on the train tracks. But the chrome numbers screwed into the door were legible, which told him he couldn’t be dreaming—unless the rules had changed.

So, he knocked.

And there was a crash.

Then nothing.

He heard a hushed voice behind the door.

“Hello? Tome, you in there?”

He was about to knock again, but his knuckles met air as the door opened inwards.

A strange smell wafted out—like rotten fruit, sickly sweet.

A man stood in the doorway. He looked unassuming. Short, with dark hair and thick glasses. He wore a khaki shirt which looked like it had seen better days.

“Hello, sir.” Reigen said, all smiles and business.

The man stared at him.

It seemed as thought he might be planning to stare at Reigen until he left, so he said, “Is Mrs Makoto here?”

The man frowned at him. “Don’t know who that is.”

He did have the wrong place. Had Tome sent him the wrong address? Or had he misread it?

“Ah, apologies.” Reigen said, “Perhaps one of your neighbours? Does the name ring a bell?”

“Hmmm.” The man tapped his lip. “Makoto…Makoto…Yes, I think it does.”

“Great!” Reigen said, trying to usher him along. “Listen, I need to find her urgently. She would have been with a girl, about this high, spiky hair.” Reigen held his hand just above his shoulder.

The man’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, yeah. I did see em, matter of fact.”

Reigen waited, but once again, the man just stared. He laid on the charm thick. “Well, thank you. Do you happen to know where they went?”

The man scratched his nose with one hand, and motioned across the walkway with the other. “Number sixteen. Think I saw them go in there. They seemed kinda spooked.”

Reigen looked over his shoulder at apartment sixteen. The door looked the same as the rest—he supposed it would have been easy for Tome to mix them up. Though she was usually very precise and efficient. She took great pride in her work at Spirits and Such, and took great strides to organise Reigen’s days so that none of his appointments clashed. She knew most of the clients better than Reigen himself did.

So why had she mixed this up?

Maybe she was panicked. She’d sounded pretty panicked on the phone, as much as she’d tried to sound casual for Reigen’s sake.

“Are you going to check?”

Reigen looked back to the man. He was easing the door closed, as if Reigen was already gone. Reigen smiled uneasily. This guy was starting to creep him out.

The man blinked. “Are you leaving?”

Reigen frowned. He was a man who based much of his spiritual practice on gut feeling. And his gut felt uneasy.

The door was almost closed, the man was easing it shut while Reigen thought. But he spotted something through the sliver of the man’s apartment he could see through the door. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed it before.

Beyond the genkan, he could just about make out a very familiar backpack with a green alien keychain hanging from the zipper.

Before he could think, before he could remind himself that he was much weaker now than he usually was—and he wasn’t very strong to begin with—Reigen threw his body weight into the door, shoulders first. He remembered at the last second that he was leading with his bruised shoulder, but he couldn’t feel much of anything aside from the awful knowledge that Tome was in the apartment somewhere, and she needed help.

The man stumbled back from the door.

“Hey, what the hell!” He said.

Reigen managed to overpower the man enough to shove the door fully open, though it was down to the element of surprise more than it was brute strength. He stumbled into the apartment.

“Get the hell out!” The man was shouting. He grabbed Reigen’s arm, which was probably bruises on bruises at this point.

“Where is she? The girl.” Reigen demanded. He wrenched his arm out of the man’s grip. “Mr Makoto?”

Mr Makoto’s eyes went wide. “You’re that psychic guy, right? What kind of shady business are you, just barging into people’s homes?”

“I know she’s in here. Make this easy.” Reigen said placatingly. Please, for the love of God and anyone else who may happen to be listening, make this easy.

“I’m calling the cops.” Makoto said, reaching to the landline.

“I may be a psychic, but I also happen to know the law.” Reigen said, “And it’s illegal to assault someone who was invited into your home.” Stupid old man, Reigen added in his head, though he knew he had to bite his tongue. Talking was going to be an easier solution to this situation, and he still didn’t know where Tome was. His words had betrayed him much less than his actions had, so they seemed a safer bet.

He watched Makoto closely as he mulled Reigen’s claims over.

Mr Makoto wasn’t actually that old—in fact, he was probably only a decade older than Reigen—but he had all the trimmings of an old man. Greying around the temples, and the beginnings of what would be a great beard. Mottled hands, and pale, papery skin. Most of all, he was staring at Reigen like one would a mangey cat you couldn’t quite stand to see.

“You’re the one who pushed your way in here, asshole. The cops’ll listen to me before a weird guy like you.” Makoto sneered.

“I wasn’t talking about you. Your wife is my client; she invited me in.” Reigen said. He stopped and looked at Makoto closely. On the phone, Tome had told him that Makoto was possessed. But if he was, it wasn’t to a point where Reigen could tell.

Makoto looked away, “My wife invited you here?”

Dr Hanegawa had been possessed, and Reigen had immediately been tipped off when her arms had flown out like they were made of elastic. He wasn’t like Serizawa and Mob, and his own state of possession didn’t seem to give him any ghost-sensing abilities. Unless Makoto started crawling on the ceiling, he had no way of telling for sure.

He weighed up his options.

“Mr Makoto, with all due respect, I asked you a question.” Reigen said sharply. “Where is my assistant?”

“And I told you, I ain’t got a clue what you’re talking about.” Makoto spat.

“No?” He gestured at Tome’s bag, sitting incriminatingly by the front door. “So, did you steal her bag? That’s another breach of the law, another strike against your good name. Are you so sure you want to call the police? I don’t think they’ll be quite as understanding as I’ve been thus far.”

He wondered if she’d dropped her bag in a rush, or if she’d been lulled into a false sense of security… On the phone, Tome and Mrs Makoto had been holding back the door as someone—or something—tried to break in.

“You will get the hell out of my house, even if I have to drag out your cooling corpse.” Makoto spat, abandoning his threats of justice.

“Ah, and now threats. You’re digging yourself a grave, Mr Makoto.”

Reigen looked around.

Makoto was shouting in his face, “And I said you’re trespassing! Get the hell out!”

“Cram it.” Reigen pushed past him, abandoning his attempts to assuage the old man. “Tome? Are you here?” He called out.

Makoto caught Reigen with a heavy hand on his shoulder and pulled him back. His fingers dug in through Reigen’s shirt and bit into his skin. He shoved Reigen back. If Reigen hadn’t been expecting it and steeled himself in anticipation, he’d have crumpled to the floor like a house of cards. He threw out a hand and caught himself against the wall. He didn’t know where his strength was coming from, but he wasn’t questioning it. He had to find Tome.

“You ain’t coming into my house to push me around.” Makoto said, throwing out his arms to block Reigen.

“Move.” Reigen urged. He wanted so badly to just punch the guy, but he didn’t have the strength.

“Bastard.” Makoto rushed him. He slammed his forearm across Reigen’s chest, pinning him to the wall. His eyes were wide with rage. “You ain’t supposed to be here!” His breath came in short gasps that hissed through his bared teeth.

“Get off of me!” Reigen’s voice peeled out of him, childish and scared. He couldn’t help it—he’d always been a fearful creature.

“I told that bitch to stay out of it!” Makoto spat in his face.

Reigen shrank back. He felt the adrenaline buzz through his veins, mixed with anger—and, of course—fear. He was reminded how powerless he was. Especially now. Fight or flight was kicking in.

Why not just call Mob? Why not Serizawa? He berated himself, Why not call anyone else? Why am I here? Tome is here, she might be hurt, and I…I just had to help. I’m going to get us both killed…

His instinct encouraged him to pick flight.

His anger forced him to fight.

He swung his leg up and hooked it around the back of Makoto’s knee. Makoto’s eyes went wide as he lost balance. As soon as Makoto’s arm was gone from Reigen’s chest, he used his shoulder to shove him away. Makoto tumbled backwards, towards the couch. He hit the side, face first. Reigen heard a crunch that may have been the sound of a tooth dislodging, or a nose breaking. He hoped it was enough to keep him down for a second.

Reigen scrambled towards the back of the apartment, where there were two doors. He didn’t look back as Makoto cursed after him, hissing and shouting.

He wrenched open door number one.

It was a darkened bathroom. Even in the dark, Reigen could tell it was a mess. It looked as though someone had fought in here—bottles and jars of soaps and toothpaste had been scattered, or smashed, or thrown. The glass door to the adjacent shower-room had been shattered. It reminded Reigen of his dream.

Reigen heard Makoto in the living room, groaning as he recovered.

He turned to the next door and tried door number two. Most likely the bedroom.

It didn’t open.

Locked, or barricaded. That was…good news. It meant Makoto hadn’t been able to get in.

“Tome!” He shouted through the door. “Tome, I’m out here!”

There was a staggering second that Reigen thought he was talking to an empty room, or worse, he was too late. An image of Tome passed out, blood dripping from her hairline, flashed through his head. He pushed it away.

Then he heard scrabbling behind the door.

“Reigen!?” Tome’s voice sounded hoarse.

He heard the sound of furniture being shunted on the other side of the door.

“Stay in there!” He shouted back. “Don’t open this door for anyone, understood?”

“That guy, he’s—he’s gonna come back!”

“I’ll handle it.” Reigen said.

“Reigen, call Serizawa. Or—or Mob, or someone.” Tome slammed her hand against the door. “He’s possessed!”

“I said I’d handle it.” He said calmly. Before he turned away, he added lightly, “Chill out! It’ll be okay. Just, uh, watch and learn.”

Tome made a noise of frustration, but he heard her move back from the door. There were hushed voices, so she must’ve taken Mrs Makoto with her when she’d locked herself in the bedroom.

Good. They were both fine.

They would be fine.

Reigen turned back to the main room.

Makoto had recovered from his fall and was back up on his feet. He spun, his movements charged with anger.

He marched down the corridor to Reigen, huffing like a tiger pacing its enclosure. His face was flushed red.
“You think you two can just walk in here like you own the place? What do you want from me?” He grunted. “You here to judge me? I only ever did what was best for her! What did she tell you?”

He did act like a man possessed. But he wasn’t.

Reigen knew for sure now.

He’d worked in the business for long enough to recognise the vengeful anger of an evil spirit, versus the violent anger of a man. Makoto was a bastard, but he wasn’t possessed. And he had a good idea that Makoto’s wife knew that, and had called for Reigen anyway.

Well, the man might not have been possessed, but he still threw a mean punch.

Makoto caught Reigen in the gut, his fist cutting up beneath Reigen’s ribs. Reigen doubled over, the air lost from his lungs. His throat only made a strangled noise when he gasped for more air. He staggered, throwing out his arms blindly.

Makoto wasn’t done.

He threw another punch, which glanced off of Reigen’s forearm and hit his face. Reigen saw stars for a minute. He stumbled backwards, trying to put some space between them. He was faintly aware of a noise behind him, coming from the bedroom. He backed up until he hit the door, feeling the handle jutting into his hipbone.

Whatever happened, he wasn’t letting Makoto open the door.

“You shouldn’t have pushed it, Sara!” Makoto screamed, spittle flying from his lips.

Sara, Reigen thought, must be his wife.

“Now when I kill this idiot, it’s gonna be your fault. You got that?” Makoto was shouting over Reigen’s shoulder, towards the bedroom door. Behind him, Reigen heard a desperate cry.

Reigen couldn’t do much more than blink rapidly, clutching his stomach, hoping he wouldn’t pass out.

“Though, seems like it’s my lucky day.” Makoto grinned. His glasses were askew, one of the arms was bent completely out of shape. It made him look even more crazed. “This guy’s already half dead.”

Makoto’s small but surprisingly strong hands balled up in Reigen’s shirt collar. He pushed him back into the door and Reigen felt it shunt back behind him.

Please hold.

Makoto’s hands moved upwards, circling Reigen’s neck. His calloused, dry skin scratched against Reigen’s throat. Unlike Serizawa’s calloused hands, these were no comfort. Reigen tried to rear back, but Makoto’s hands tightened like a vice.

Reigen fought out of instinct as his throat closed up. He struck out with his elbows, managing to land a blow and uppercut Makoto’s chin. He heard Makoto’s teeth clatter with the force and he hissed with pain. His mouth was smeared with blood.

But he didn’t let go.

Reigen kept fighting. His thoughts spiralled. The air he’d managed to suck in before Makoto had blocked off his airway was starting to run out. He could hear the blood rush and his own desperate pulse echoing in his ears.

“This is what happens to people who are weak.” Makoto was saying, his face so close to Reigen that he could feel Makoto’s breath rustle his hair. “Just another idiot in a suit thinking he’s a real man. Is that what you want Sara? Someone like this?”

Hiding in the room behind him, Sara didn’t reply.

Reigen looked up at the buzzing ceiling light casting a milky glow on the hallway. His vision was fading, and the pain wasn’t going to be enough to keep him from being pulled under into unconsciousness for much longer. He wouldn’t die here—not trapped between some loveless marriage he had nothing to do with. Not when Tome needed his help.

He stared at the ceiling, and imagined the roiling storm of his dreams cracking the ceiling and shattering the windows. He couldn’t win against Makoto with strength. At least, not on his own. The past month had taken its toll on both his body and mind, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

But, he remembered the display he’d put on at the cafe—the crackling energy that had coursed through him, the sudden clarity, and power. Enough to blast a hole in the wall.

It was the only way.

But how?

You listening to me? He sent the thought out within himself. It echoed around his skull.

There was no indication that the thing in his head was listening, but he tried anyway.

I know you’ve got power, he thought desperately. More than me. You can protect them. You’ve used it through me before.

He thought for a moment, about what he was doing, but cohesive thought was becoming almost impossible. I’ll let you have anything.

Makoto was overpowering his frantic movements to get away. He pinned Reigen’s hands above him with a forearm.

Please, Reigen thought, I know you’re listening.

The door fell back from behind him.

Makoto yelped and jumped back.

“Get the hell away from him, you freak!” Tome’s voice sounded out behind Reigen.

Without anything to keep him up, Reigen’s legs gave way, and he crumpled backwards into the room which had just opened up behind him.

He was awkwardly caught by a pair of desperate hands at his shoulders, and lowered onto softly carpeted floor.

He looked around. Behind him, a woman crouched by the bed, tear tracks shining on her cheeks. She was staring past Reigen at the now open door. Beside Reigen, hands hovering over him as though she was waiting for permission to move, was Tome.

“Reigen, your face!” Tome gasped.

“I thought I told you not to open the door.” Reigen said weakly. “I distinctly remember saying that.” He could taste blood, but had no idea what Tome was referring to. His face felt numb, if anything.

“What did you want me to do?” Tome hissed. Her anger was thick with fear.

He turned back to Makoto, who’d recovered quickly from the surprise. He stood in the threshold of the bedroom, staring down at Reigen with barely contained fury.

Makoto was mumbling, seeming more and more like a crazed wild animal. Reigen caught a snatch of a coherent sentence. “You can’t just lock me out, Sara.” He was saying. “Not me.”

He was coming back for them.

“Why did this happen?” Makoto asked no one in particular, “It was her.” He gestured at Tome, “That little bitch forced her way in here. It’s not my fault. Sara, it’s not my fault.”

Reigen pushed himself up. He moved so that his shoulders were covering Tome from Makoto’s view.

He felt her hand on his shoulder.

“This is too much.” She said in a low voice. “We need to run.”

“It’ll be okay.” Reigen said again. He couldn’t think of how else to comfort her. “When I jump up, grab Mrs Makoto and go to the back of the room.”

“What are you going to do?”

He understood her implication. Alone, he couldn’t do anything. But he wasn’t alone.

Reigen looked at her over his shoulder to show her that he was serious. “Please, just do what I say.”

She nodded, once, curtly.

“You two think you’re walkin’ out of here so easy?” Makoto spat. He wiped his bleeding nose on the back of his sleeve and bared his teeth. He reached into his pocket and pulled out something slim and silvery. There was a snapping sound, and a blade unfolded. Makoto tossed the switchblade between deft hands.

Tome gasped.

Reigen watched the glint of the knife, knowing it was meant for him.

I know you want control, Reigen told the thing in his head. I’ll let you take control. I’ll let you have anything you want.

Tome looked up at him, clearly scared, but trying to keep it together. Her eyes were wild, flitting between Reigen, and Sara, and finally, Makoto.

Please, he begged, don’t let anyone die.

“It’s fine.” Makoto said, “I’ll just kill you both.”

He launched himself at Reigen, but his eyes were set on Tome. Reigen watched Makoto’s fist swing in slow motion. The knife, swinging in an arch towards him. He heard a scream that had either come from Tome or Sara. It echoed in his head.

Please!

There was silence. And then he heard it. First as a breeze, then as a whisper against his ear.

And it said, I want everything.

Reigen watched Makoto’s knife come close to his neck. Slow, slow, slow, but still not enough time to think it through properly.

He screamed, this time out loud, to show that he meant it with his entire being, “Take it!”

Almost instantly, he felt it. The sensation of a damn crumbling to nothing, the power rushing through. The crackling energy, running through his veins.

He didn’t waste any time in using the power that had suddenly flooded his body. He leapt to his feet, throwing one hand out behind him to make sure Tome was moving back.

Reigen cast his other arm forward, with the intention of blocking Makoto before he could reach Tome, “Get away!”

And he let go.

He felt a surge of something, travelling up his arm and through his fingertips. He could feel the energy burning in his blood vessels, on a molecular level, as it left his body.

He closed his eyes.

There was a slamming noise.

Tome made a strangled noise that was halfway between a scream of fear and surprise.

He looked up.

Makoto had been thrown backwards. Back, through the open door to the bedroom, down the corridor, into the living room. His body had crashed into the TV stand, and now lay inert on the smashed TV screen. A thin line of blood ran from his nose.

The power had scorched through the corridor leading into the living room, and there was a smoking crater above Makoto’s body. The TV sparked.

The apartment was suddenly dark. Reigen realised he’d blown out the lightbulbs.

Now that the strange energy had fled him, Reigen felt the exhaustion crashing back down on him. But before he allowed himself to relax, he heard Tome behind him.

“Reigen, what the hell was that?” Tome said accusingly.

He looked back. She had helped herself up, and was dusting herself off. She looked unharmed, just a little shaken. She wiped her eyes furiously, though Reigen still noted her wet cheeks.

“I…” Reigen murmured, “I’ll explain later. First…” He looked past Tome at Sara, who was still crouched by the bed. Her arms were positioned protectively over her head. She stared at her husband’s unconscious body.

“We should leave.” Reigen said.

“What about…?” Tome gestured at Sara, who had begun to cry.

Reigen’s mouth twisted. He had sympathy for Sara, who had clearly been desperate enough for a way out that she’d called a psychic. At the same time, she’d put Tome in danger.

Reigen crossed the room and retrieved the landline from the kitchen. He returned to the bedroom and approached Sara cautiously.

“Call the police.” Reigen said, handing Sara the phone. “Tell them he attacked you. Leave us out of it, and I won’t follow up about payment.”

Sara looked up at him. She nodded slowly, and took the phone.

“You’ll be okay.” Reigen told her, hoping he’d sound at least passingly comforting, despite his own panic.

He listened until she begun dialling, then turned back to Tome.

“Come on.” He said.

“Reigen…” Tome said, looking between Makoto’s unmoving body and Sara, speaking numbly into the phone. “Should we…?”

“We’re leaving.” Reigen said with finality.

Tome trotted after him, no questions asked.

He had to step over a line of salt on the way out of the bedroom.

Chapter Text

Fate up against your will, through the thick and thin.

He will wait until you give yourself to him.

The Killing Moon by Echo & The Bunnymen

Reigen stumbled into the office, closely followed by Tome.

While Reigen beelined for his desk, Serizawa’s chair squeaked as he jumped to his feet. The client he’d been speaking with gasped, though it was hard to tell if it was in surprise at the sudden intrusion, or in shock at the state of Reigen.

And the state of Reigen, he was sure, was quite shocking indeed. Even without a mirror with which to confirm his fears, his face felt hot, the skin taut with swelling. When he ran his tongue along the inside of his lip, he felt a split in the skin where his teeth had cut into the soft flesh and he tasted the tang of his own warm blood.

He’d seen men in movies spit blood and wipe their mouths like it didn’t bother them, but experiencing the pain first-hand, Reigen found that he very much did mind.

Tome had broken away from Reigen during his warpath to his desk, and sequestered herself in the corner of the room, by her desk. She was chewing her fingernail, absently watching the blinds clatter with the slight breeze Serizawa had let in via a cracked window.

“Mrs Hanori, I’m afraid we may have to cut the session short.” Serizawa explained calmly, meeting Reigen’s eyes across the room.

“What? But you haven’t even given me a treatment plan!”

Serizawa’s faintly polite smile didn’t falter, “I’ll be happy to organise a treatment plan for you in another session.”

“What am I supposed to do in the meantime? There’s a spirit killing my azaleas—I’m the laughing stock of my neighbourhood.” Mrs Hanori clutched her liver-spotted hands at her chest.

Serizawa’s eye twitched. Reigen wondered if he’d been reminded of his own mother. Serizawa nodded, understanding, “I apologise, it appears something urgent has come up. Please, take this charm and wear it whilst gardening. It should help.” Serizawa handed her one of the small bags of herbs Reigen had bulk ordered by accident a few months back. It was strange to see Serizawa deal with a customer so offhandedly. Perhaps Reigen’s lies had rubbed off on him.

Mrs Hanori smiled with withered lips and pulled out her chair.

Serizawa leaned forward and caught her hands before she left, “I guarantee the next session, you will have my undivided attention. That’s a promise. Today, however,” His eyes darted back to Reigen, “Something requires my immediate attention.”

Mrs Hanori nodded, though her aggravation had been soothed. “Fine. Then, another session as soon as possible.” She slipped away from him.

Reigen had collapsed into his chair. He pulled out the top drawer of his desk, the one that always got stuck halfway. He yanked it so that the momentum made everything cylindrical roll to the front. From there, he retrieved a bottle of painkillers, fought with the cap, and swallowed a handful dry.

Once the client was out the door, Serizawa crossed the room in a few strides to Reigen’s desk. He shot a frown at Tome, who shrugged. She was still shaking, hovering near her desk but not sitting down.

“What…happened?” Serizawa looked between them. When neither of them replied, he turned to Reigen. “I told you to wait at home. How did this…”

Reigen leaned back in his chair and breathed slowly. A sharp pain radiated from one of his ribs. He didn’t think it was broken, but it certainly wasn’t helping the situation.

It was Tome who broke the silence, “It was my fault.”

Reigen sat upright, hissing in pain. “No, it wasn’t. It was mine.” He said firmly. “You did the right thing, Tome.”

“It was an evil spirit.” Tome continued, “That man, he was…possessed, or something. And since Reigen hasn’t been around…I was stupid, I went alone.” She looked uncomfortable for a moment, then crossed the office and collapsed into the couch where Serizawa had been sitting with the customer. “I had to call Reigen for help. That’s the only reason he looks like that.” She gestured at Reigen across the room.

“An evil spirit?” He turned back to Reigen, hurt and disappointment twisting his soft face. “And you didn’t call me?” The words were stern, like a disapproving mother.

“The guy wasn’t possessed.” Reigen said, pinching his nose.

“What?” Serizawa said, at the same time as Tome said, “Bullshit!”

Reigen sighed, “Tome, some people are just like that. Ordinary people can be hateful and awful, just as bad as any evil spirit. Sometimes worse. Well, in this case, he was worse.” He coughed into his hand, “What a scumbag.”

The way Serizawa looked at him told Reigen that he was remembering just how awful people could be. And that he was in deep trouble.

“But he was…” Tome mumbled, “Mrs Makoto told me her husband was possessed. Why would she lie?”

“Maybe it was easier to believe that, than to believe her husband isn’t the man she thought he was.” Serizawa offered, answering for Reigen.

It was amazing, he thought, Serizawa’s ability to sense when Reigen had reached his limit. Because in that moment, he had.

The small capacity he had for thought was much too busy running back through the events of the day. Flashes of Tome’s teary face, Makoto’s bloody teeth, Sara’s empty eyes. The flickering light above him, as he’d begged the spirit to take control.

He’d tried everything, and yet, people kept getting hurt around him, or pulled into situations they had no business being in. What would he have done if he’d been too late? Or worse yet, not picked up his phone because he’d been too busy gallivanting in the frequented dream world?

He had the feeling that what he’d been playing up until this point had been easy-mode, a life of little consequences. Now, it felt like a switch had been flipped, and he was fighting his way through the boss level on hard-mode. On top of that, he’d just handed the controller over to the angry spirit hunched in the confines of his head, which by all appearances seemed to want him dead.

Take anything, he had told the spirit. And yet, when Reigen flexed his fingers, they responded instantly and obediently. He didn’t feel any difference—the same bone-deep lethargy plagued his body, the same chill ran through his blood, and the same vague fog settled over his mind.

It hasn’t taken the invitation to take me over. I wonder why?

Perhaps it couldn’t, even with formal permission. Perhaps it simply wasn’t strong enough.

He rubbed a hand over his face, noting the tender skin and swelling. His fingers bumped over frayed skin. He felt very aware of his mortality.

Why did you choose to possess me? He wondered, uncaring if the spirit wasn’t hearing him, You could have so much more power if you took someone else. Why not someone else?

“I thought I was helping. I thought Mrs Makoto wanted her husband back.” Tome was saying.

Serizawa was standing beside the couch opposite her, equidistant to both Reigen and Tome, as if he couldn’t decide which more desperately needed his help. “Maybe she did.” He said, “Maybe he was good at some point…but people can change. Or show their true colours. You can go years, never really truly knowing a person. Maybe it was so hard for Mrs Makoto to believe that her husband could be violent that she blamed it all on an evil spirit…I know better than anyone that if you idolise someone, it’s easy to make countless excuses for their behaviour.”

“So…I didn’t help at all.”

Serizawa cocked his head, “Of course you helped. You made a scared woman feel as though she wasn’t alone, right? I’d say that probably helped her a lot.”

Reigen, despite everything, smiled to himself. Serizawa was good at this.

Tome shot him a wobbly smile. “Reigen saved her. Saved us both, really.” Her eyes narrowed, “Did you know about his new crazy powers?”

Serizawa faltered for a moment, his gentle expression giving way to shock. His eyes flicked to Reigen.

Reigen raised a fatigued hand and flapped it. He hoped Serizawa caught his meaning. Not now.

“No…” Serizawa said uncertainly, his eyes still on Reigen. “Well, sort of. The spirit did something to him. It seems to have a variety of side effects. It’s something we’re dealing with.”

Tome frowned. “Is that why you two have been hanging around each other so much recently?”

“Something like that.” Reigen said quickly before Serizawa could answer honestly. He’d spotted the blush creeping onto Serizawa’s cheeks.

Serizawa’s smile faltered, confused.

“…right.” Tome murmured. “So, what, this is the ghost? The thing you can’t exorcise? You think it’s given Reigen powers? Why is that a bad thing?”

Reigen rolled his shoulders, “Exactly.”

Serizawa’s expression went sharp, “It’s a bad thing because he can’t control it. It takes him over. Right?”

Reigen shrugged.

“You seemed pretty in control when you blasted Makoto away.” Tome said.

“You did what?” Serizawa’s voice had taken on a shocked vibrato. It would have been funny, had Reigen’s face not been aching like a bitch.

“The spirit happened to use its power for good, and saved us both. That’s a good thing.”

Serizawa hummed uncertainly. “Well, at least you’re not hurt, Tome.”

“No. But Reigen is. You could’ve used your new powers a little sooner.” Tome pointed out. “Might’ve saved you a split lip and that shiner on your cheek.” At some point, she’d fished her phone out of her bag, and was flicking distractedly through her messages.

“I’m f—“ Reigen started, out of instinct, then shot Serizawa a sheepish grin. “My face hurts. That guy got a good few punches in before the damn spirit decided to help.” He touched his chin gingerly.

Serizawa sighed heavily. “This…this man isn’t going to come after you, is he? I can’t deal with any more irate clients.” His voice was clipped, almost businesslike. But his expression was decidedly worried.

“Tome, you should go home.” Reigen said gently. He was afraid that she’d decide it was too much and never come back to Spirits and Such. He was equally afraid that she’d stay, that she’d continue to find herself in situations like these.

She was still looking at him as though he’d grown a second head.

“Hey, no! I can’t just leave, after all that. I’ve gotta help you guys.” Tome gestured at him with her phone, “You can’t exactly deal with clients looking like that.”

Reigen’s mouth twisted. “I think we’ll close for the rest of today. You should get home and rest, you’ve earned it. Listen, I’ll even tack on a bonus at the end of the week, how’s that sound?”

“Jeez,” Tome said, “You really are possessed.”

Reigen laughed, “No I’m not. You’ve more than earned it after today. And don’t change the subject. We’ll be fine here. Just promise me you’ll go straight home, and text me when you get there. It’s been a…been a hard day.”

He was really trying to hold it together. The way Serizawa kept looking at him, it was probably obvious that his voice sounded strained.

Tome must’ve been able to tell that if she pushed any further, Reigen would shatter, because she dusted her hands against her skirt and got up.

“Fine.” She said. She headed to the door. “But…you guys can’t keep me out. Whatever this is, I wanna help too. I mean, I can’t do much, but—This place is…” She tapped her fingers against her phone. She couldn’t quite decide what to say. “I wouldn’t want to lose this place.” She said finally.

Reigen nodded, “Don’t worry. It’s not going anywhere.” He said off-handedly, like it wouldn’t bother him either way.

She looked to Serizawa, who quickly rearranged his features into a smile. “We’ll see you tomorrow, Tome.”

Tome nodded, once. Then she left.

Reigen sunk into his chair. He folded his arms over his desk and let his head fall into them, like a pillow.

“Is she…really okay?” Serizawa asked.

“Probably not. Would you be, after something like that?” Reigen asked, his voice muffled, obstructed by his arms, “Don’t answer that. You had a weird upbringing.”

“What about you?” Serizawa’s voice was closer now.

“Yeah, yeah, my childhood wasn’t exactly roses either.”

“No, I meant,” Serizawa said through a heavy sigh, “are you okay?”

“Me? I just want to lay down and never get up, but what else is new?”

“You should go back home—to my apartment—and rest.”

Reigen sighed into the table. “No. I’m not just going to sit around on the couch. That won’t help, this thing isn’t going to get better just by resting. It’s not the common cold. It’s just going to get worse, no matter what I do.” Especially after I just signed my autonomy away, he thought. But he didn’t regret that. It was a necessary evil to ensure Tome would be okay.

“At least let me patch you up.”
Reigen waved a hand without raising his head. “The first aid kit is where it’s always been.”

Serizawa retrieved the kit and brought it back.

Reigen pulled himself up, forcing himself to sit upright, even as his head swam. Serizawa placed the kit on Reigen’s desk, then perched on the edge, facing Reigen.

He placed his legs either side of Reigen’s torso, resting his feet on the desk chair. Serizawa leaned over, haloed by the strip lights behind him, and brushed Reigen’s hair away from his forehead.

Reigen winced as a few strands which had become plastered to his face with dried blood were pulled away.

Serizawa whistled through his teeth, which was very un-serizawalike. He sounded like he was admiring a car.

“Do you ask people to aim for your head, or are you just that unlucky?” He chuckled.

Reigen pushed Serizawa’s arm away, “You pick a funny time to joke around.” He said, hoping his voice sounded light enough that Serizawa would know he was kidding.

Serizawa shrugged. He didn’t seem to care. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m just glad you’re okay.” His expression darkened, “Though if I see Mr Makoto around here again, I’ll pay him back in kind.”

Reigen shook his head, “I’m pretty sure he learned his lesson. I threw the man into his own TV stand.”

“Is this your way of saying ‘You should see the other guy’?”

Reigen huffed, “I began the fight feeling like crap, so I’m pretty sure Makoto is still better off than me. But I don’t think he’ll be coming back for seconds.”

“Good.” Serizawa retrieved an alcohol wipe and ripped open the package. “It’ll sting.” He warned.

Reigen nodded. It did sting, when Serizawa dabbed his split lip. It felt cold. His fingers were cold, too, trailing beneath his chin. He felt Serizawa’s touch trace his neck, his fingers bumping over his Adam’s apple.

“There are bruises here.” Serizawa said in a low voice.

“He had me by the throat. Thought he was going to choke me out. I kinda—” Reigen worried his lip with his teeth, remembering a second too late that he’d been graced with a split lip. He hissed.

“Does it hurt?”

Reigen looked up at Serizawa. Whatever he’d been queuing up on his tongue, the words fizzled away. Serizawa’s fingers traced over Reigen’s lips, the touch incredibly careful to avoid the wound. His lashes cast dark shadows over his cheeks. He seemed mournful.

Reigen reached up and threaded a hand through Serizawa’s hair. He leaned forward, so that their faces were close. He murmured, “I’m okay. I mean it. It could’ve gone a lot worse.”

Serizawa smiled, still a little sorrowful. “I’m sorry.”

He rubbed a thumb over Serizawa’s jaw. “What are you sorry for?”

Serizawa stumbled over his tongue for a moment, then chuckled gently, “I just…couldn’t think of what else to say.”

Reigen grinned, a little deviously. He knew how easy Serizawa was to fluster.

He brushed his lips against Serizawa’s. They were so close, it was harder to leave the gap open than to close it.

Serizawa pulled back. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He was looking at Reigen’s lips, or specifically, the split lip.

“Don’t like the taste of blood?” Reigen asked senselessly.

Serizawa’s brow crumpled up, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Reigen looked away. “I don’t want you to treat me like I’m going to break.”

Serizawa gave him a half-smile. “Sorry. And I, uh…meant it that time.”

Serizawa looked at him for a moment, then pulled Reigen into him. Reigen got to his feet, to better allow himself to be crushed into Serizawa’s bear hug. The nebulous scent of aftershave and sweat—Serizawa at the end of a summer day—rushed into the space around him. He breathed in, out, hinging his continued existence on the fact that he could return to this embrace and be comforted.

Serizawa still sat against the desk, so his legs were a vice around Reigen’s hips, locking him into place. Serizawa’s arms were braced against his back.

Reigen kept himself from tumbling over with an arm around Serizawa’s shoulders.

It was awkward, but charmingly so. It was the kind of awkwardness that made Reigen feel like a kid.

“I don’t know how to stop worrying about you. It hurts.”

“What does?” Reigen murmured.

“I’ve…never had anyone I wanted to protect like this. With President Suzuki, I protected him and fought for him because it was my purpose. But with you…” Serizawa held a hand on the back of Reigen’s head, fingers cool against his scalp. He held Reigen like he was frightened he’d disappear if he didn’t. “I want to protect you because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

Reigen felt himself tense up. He didn’t know what to do with that information. The feeling it gave him was massive, something that required dedicated thought before he could return the sentiment. He clutched onto Serizawa’s words, wondering where he’d store them so that he could bring them out again when he was feeling lonely. His heart hammered.

He was supposed to say something, he knew he was supposed to say something.

He pushed his lips against Serizawa’s.

Serizawa kissed him without holding back this time. And yes, Serizawa’s lips against his swollen ones did hurt, but it was a good kind of pain. Like the shock of jumping into a freezing lake on a hot day.

It was the sort of feeling that reminded him that he was terrifically alive.

Serizawa’s lips moved to trail over his jaw, feather-light. It seemed he couldn’t justify himself more than one kiss if it meant hurting Reigen.

Reigen wondered what it would be like to be so careful. He wondered what on earth he’d done to be owed such care.

Serizawa pressed a kiss into the crook of Reigen’s neck, where he’d miss-buttoned his shirt in his panic that morning and let his collar fall open. His lips pressed warmth into Reigen’s cold shoulder. His world righted itself.

Reigen gripped Serizawa’s shoulders, fingers digging through his shirt into the corded muscles there. His lips found Serizawa’s again, ignoring the pain radiating across his face. Ignoring the taste of coppery blood. Ignoring his fatigue. He narrowed his senses into only those which he needed to feel Serizawa against him. To breath in the nebulae of his scent. To trace his skin, the stubble at his chin.

Serizawa’s lips parted against his, and Reigen’s tongue ran over his teeth. Their noses crushed against each other. Neither of them could get close enough.

Serizawa moved down to suck a kiss into his neck. The love bite which was sure to bloom would stand amongst the bruises along his throat. Reigen told himself a joke about love and hatred, but the thought became quickly lost in the tide of heat that was settling over his skin. He could feel Serizawa’s lashes dusting his cheek as his eyelids flickered.

The tension he’d felt since he’d woken up that morning, since he’d seen the vision of his own motionless body in the hospital bed, was melting away. He sighed into Serizawa’s hair.

“Thank you.” He mumbled.
Serizawa didn’t seem to hear, but his hands smoothed down Reigen’s spine and settled at the small of his back like a lifeline.

He became suddenly aware of a strange feeling coursing through him. Like a sudden burst of energy. He wondered if it was from the adrenaline of Serizawa’s proximity.

His arm felt strange. Restless.

It was a familiar feeling.

The familiarity left a sickly sweet taste on his tongue.

He felt something brush against his fingers. He looked down and saw the retreating tail fin of a fish, twitching away from him like laughter. Koi. He hadn’t seen one in a while…

Then it hit him, as the energy sparked along his arm, and his fingers twitched, out of his control.

He pulled back, out of Serizawa’s grip. Feeling that Reigen wanted out, Serizawa immediately released him.

Serizawa held his hands up in front of him, unarmed.

“G-get away!” Reigen stammered.

“What’s the matter?”

“I—” Reigen managed, before his throat became too tight to speak.

It felt familiar, in many ways. Being controlled. The power of the spirit coursing through his blood. But in many ways, it was different.

He could feel that the hold on him was tighter than before. He could just about persuade his legs to backpedal, but his arms were lost. Reigen’s control of his own limbs was limited, and the spirit wanted him to know that Reigen only had partial control because it was letting him.

Or maybe, it was giving Reigen just enough control to scare Serizawa.

The spirit may have been in his head, but it didn’t mean he could sense what it thought.

“Arataka?” Serizawa’s voice was high and strangled.

Shit. I need to get myself away from here. Before—

But Serizawa was moving towards him, reaching out, desperate to help.

And the spirit used Reigen’s arms to reach back.

His hands wrapped around Serizawa’s throat.

Serizawa’s eyes went wide. “What are you doing?!”

“I can’t—” Reigen couldn’t complete his sentence before his mouth clamped shut.

His hands, against his will, pressed against Serizawa’s throat. It was more strength than Reigen himself possessed, even before his energy had been slowly sapped away. Serizawa’s face went red with the sudden lack of air.

Serizawa’s pupils had become pinpricks with the fear. He tried to push Reigen off of him, but his half-hearted strength was nothing against the spirit’s vice grip. He wasn’t fighting back. He wasn’t using his powers.

Reigen realised it was the exact position he’d been in with Makoto just a few hours before, with Makoto’s hands gripping Reigen’s throat. Did Serizawa feel the same sickening fear as Reigen had, or was it worse, because he knew he couldn’t fight back?

Reigen felt sick.

The feeling of his hands, Serizawa’s skin beneath them, his fingers squeezing tight.

Serizawa’s eyes were wide and fearful, but his hands held Reigen’s shoulder’s tenderly.

“It’s okay.” Serizawa said. His voice came out hoarse and airless, but somehow he still instilled his intentions into the words. He was forgiving Reigen, even as he was attempting to kill him.

“Fight back!” Reigen yelled at him through clenched teeth, though he knew it was futile. He knew what it looked like when Serizawa froze up. He wasn’t going to fight Reigen, and there was nothing he could say that would spur him into action.

That made it all so much worse. Reigen knew Serizawa had the power to throw him away like a sheet of rice paper in the wind, but he was kind. He wouldn’t do it. He hated to hurt.

Please just fight back. Reigen thought, the only cohesive thought in the storm of panic.

He looked down, at the desk behind them. There was a notebook, open on a page where Serizawa had written a client’s name and ailment in looping letters. A laptop, closed. And a smattering of pens and pencils.

An idea began to form.

Pain normally helped to ground him. Something enough to shock him, might be enough to shock the spirit too. Enough to shake it off.

It had to work.

Only, he couldn’t even persuade one of his hands to move away from their death grip around Serizawa’s neck.

Pain, he thought, enough to shock.

He bit down on his lip, hard. He tasted blood as the already split skin opened up. The sudden starburst of pain was enough for the spirit’s grip to loosen.

He grabbed the first thing that came to hand on his desk, which happened to be a pencil. It rolled out of his grasp as he tried to persuade his fingers to grip it. They flexed wildly as the spirit fought back for control.. His own hand was alien to him.

He rolled his lip between his teeth. The waves of pain gave him enough control to curl his fingers into a fist.

He used the slim opportunity to snatch up the pencil.

Serizawa’s eyes went wide as he took in what was happening. The fear there was genuine. Serizawa thought the pencil clenched in Reigen’s fist was meant for him.

Reigen bared his teeth, struggling for control. He lifted up his fist, hovering over his thigh. He made his intensions clear. To himself. To Serizawa. To the spirit.

His hand twitched wildly as the spirit fought back for control.

Serizawa’s lips formed a silent ‘No.’

Reigen brought his fist down with all the strength he had left, and drove the pencil into his leg.

With the force behind it, it was almost a blade. The lead buried itself a few inches into his flesh. In the instant, he felt nothing. A split second later, he felt nothing but white hot pain.

He couldn’t help the scream that tore from his throat.

His other hand fell from Serizawa’s throat to clutch at the pencil sticking out of his leg.

He stumbled back from the desk, away from Serizawa, until his back hit the wall. His limbs all moved when he told them to. Pain shot up his leg when he put weight on it.

He was in control.

He was in control.

He was—

Serizawa was gasping for air, one hand braced on his knee, the other clutching at his chest. There were tears in the corners of his eyes, his pain, crystallised.

Reigen used the slight clarity he’d gained back after the initial shock of pain to search himself for traces of the spirit. It didn’t feel close, or ubiquitously hunched in the corners of his mind like it did when it controlled him. He’d pushed it back.

For how long, that remained to be seen.

“You won’t hurt him.” Reigen hissed under his breath. “Are you listening?”

I’ll die before I let that happen. The last part of the promise was a secret he intended to keep only between himself and the spirit.

Serizawa was coughing, his breath came short and fast. Each cough shot through Reigen, feeding him up with guilt.

He couldn’t look at Serizawa.

He gripped the pencil and braced himself. He pulled it out with one shaking movement and let it clatter to the floor.

He felt as though a small flake of his soul had gone with it. He was breathless with the pain, breathless with the guilt.

He couldn’t look at Serizawa.

He watched the hole in his leg instead.

His grey slacks darkened with blood. Through the puncture in the fabric, he could see pale skin and red blood. He pressed his fingers against it, hoping the bleeding would slow.

“Why did you do that?” Serizawa had recovered, and was staring at him with clear distress, though not at his own state.

Reigen watched the spaces between his fingers turn red, pressed against his thigh.

“Why…why did you do that?” Serizawa said again, breathless this time. His voice was a little broken, but then, why wouldn’t it be? Reigen had just strangled him.

“I couldn’t stop it.” Reigen said. His face felt hot and wet.

He realised slowly that he was crying.

Chapter Text

How do you feel at the end of the day? Just like you've walked over your own grave?

Ghosts by The Jam

“Are you listening? I said, how does it feel now?”

Reigen looked up. “Oh…yeah, it’s fine” He said numbly.

They’d bandaged his leg in the minor injuries clinic, and plastered his face in butterfly strips. They’d asked a few questions in the clinic about how the injuries had been obtained. Reigen had been unable to summon his repository of white lies to animatedly explain away the situation. In fact, he’d barely spoken since they’d left Spirits and Such.

The staff at the clinic had maintained expressions of dawning horror as Serizawa had haltingly explained (and lied) that Reigen had been attacked by an angered assailant who had stabbed him with a pencil—but no, they’d rather not call the police if that was okay.

Now, they sat on a bench overlooking the river. They’d begun walking back to the office, but an unspoken agreement had settled over them and they’d stopped to sit.

Serizawa watched the people passing by, the sky, the river. Reigen watched a school of incorporeal koi floating lazily through the air.

A troupe of kids passed them, waltzing in loose formation. Reigen watched them pass through the koi. One kid turned back to call for his friend, his face eclipsing through the stomach of one of the bloated fish.

Serizawa turned to him, his intention to speak was punctuated by a short gasp. “You’re quiet. Are you still in pain?”

Reigen smiled, because he didn’t know what kind of expression he was meant to make in a situation like this. The smile hurt. The wounds on his face pulled, but the pain dug deeper than his epidermis.

“You should go.” He said. The words fell from Reigen’s lips, and though he’d tried to soften them, they still felt sharp on his tongue.

“What?” Serizawa said, halfway to a breathless laugh. He rubbed his neck, unconsciously, and as his collar shifted Reigen saw the butterfly shaped bruises mottling his skin.

Reigen looked at his hands.

“You should go—while you still can.” Reigen clarified.

“Go where?”

Reigen traced a line across his palm. He’d learned palm reading in a pamphlet which had fallen out of a psychic digest magazine he’d found in a dentist’s waiting room. He touched a line running between his ring finger and the heel of his hand. His heart line. The way it twisted supposedly meant he loved easily. Or maybe, that was just the way his skin had creased over the years. He’d never put much stock in palmistry.

“Arataka.” Serizawa said sharply, impatient. “Go where? What…what do you mean by that?”

Reigen laughed. It sounded like the warble of an alarm, discordant and panicked. “I don’t know!” The words snapped out of him. He was shouting, and he sounded angry, but he wasn’t. “I don’t know where. I don’t know. All I know is, it’s too dangerous for you to stay with me.”

Serizawa’s eyes were wide. His hands clutched at his knees.

“Do you understand?” Reigen asked in desperation, “We tried, okay? And I’m so grateful to everything you did for me, but this—” Reigen leaned over to pull Serizawa’s collar down. The bruises were turning into purple-blue storm clouds, passing across the expanse of Serizawa’s neck. “This can’t happen.”

If he let it go on, how long would it be until Serizawa watched Reigen with the same fear that Sara had watched Makoto? Reigen couldn’t watch his hands hurt Serizawa ever again.

Serizawa was still silent.

“That’s why it’s better if you go.”

“Do you want me to go?”

Reigen met his eyes. “It’s safer if you do.”

“I didn’t ask that,” Serizawa said. His lip curled as he said it, like he’d tasted Reigen’s despair and didn’t like the flavour.

Reigen shrugged.

“Do you want me to go?” Serizawa repeated, slowly this time.

“Shit—no. Of course I don’t.” Reigen almost laughed at himself, at his own contradiction. It was funny, in a way.

“Then I won’t.”

Reigen pressed his palms against the hollows of his eyes. “It’s not that—I can feel it. Just behind my eyes, just beneath my skin, waiting for the next time I lower my guard. And when that happens—”

“It won’t.”

Reigen sighed. “Shut up.” There was no venom in his words, “The point is, it will happen again, and it’d be pretty selfish of you to keep putting yourself in harm’s way if you won’t even try to stop me. I had to watch my own hands try to crush the life out of you, do you know how that feels?”

“Actually…yes. I have a pretty good idea of what losing control feels like.” Serizawa’s voice dropped to his lowest register, “I also understand what it’s like to put your own loved ones in danger, simply by existing next to them. To live with that…fear.”

Reigen chewed his lip. He couldn’t argue that.

Serizawa shook his head, “So, if you’re trying to say goodbye—”

“I’m trying to give you a way out. I’m asking you to take it. I can’t hurt you any longer. What happened today can never happen again.”

“It wasn’t you. None of this is your fault.”

“But I made the deal with the spirit, I told it to use me. I didn’t even think of the danger to you, to Tome, to everyone. I was selfish, again.”

“You did it to save Tome. You had to.”

“No. You said it yourself, I could’ve called you. Or Mob, or Hanazawa, or anyone really. But I didn’t.” Reigen laughed, slow, humourless. “I did it because I wanted to be the hero for once. Because I wanted to be the one to save us. I just wanted to know what that would feel like.”

What was it he’d written in that stupid essay all those years ago? I want to be someone.

Serizawa’s eyes narrowed. “You want so badly for me to believe you’re a terrible person. But, I watched you…hurt yourself, just so the spirit would stop. This,” Serizawa touched his neck, “is nothing to someone like me. But you don’t have my powers. Your body is breakable. So I realised…it’s not just the spirit that I have to worry about. It’s you.”

Reigen didn’t know what to say. He’d hurt Serizawa in more ways than one. He rubbed his eyes until the vision behind his eyelids went white.

“So, thanks for the offer.” Serizawa mumbled, “But I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Not crazy.” Serizawa turned to him, and pulled Reigen’s hands into his own. He was smiling. Reigen wondered if he’d lost it.

His face lit with an ecstatic joy that was only slightly crazed, but entirely pure. His teeth were stained with thirty years of coffee and life, but they dazzled in perfect pearly rows.

“I don’t care.” Serizawa said, his voice tinged with the amber glow of his joy.

Reigen leaned forward, clasping his hands beneath his chin as though in prayer. “What?”

“I don’t care what it takes. I’m going to exorcise the spirit. I’m going to show you that none of this was your fault. I’ll prove to you…that you-you weren’t built to hurt people. And after all that, I’ll treat you to some takoyaki.”

Reigen stared at Serizawa for longer than necessary. The joy, he had to admit, was infectious. Even after everything, he could feel the hollow in his chest grow warm. It warmed him to see Serizawa so determined, so confident in his own ability.

“You’re a real piece of work, Katsuya. You know that?” Reigen poked a finger into his side, beneath his ribs. “A real bastard. Won’t even let me die quietly.”

Serizawa looked smug, “Not going to let you die at all, so hate me if you like. I’m not giving up.” His brows drew together; he looked very serious. “You hear me, evil spirit? Strangle me all you want but you’re not having him.”

“Oh, that’ll show it.” Reigen said sarcastically, but he was laughing, “I can feel it relinquishing control already.”

Serizawa leaned forward, and for a second Reigen thought he was bowing. Instead, Serizawa brushed his lips against the top of Reigen’s head, bracing his hand on the back of Reigen’s neck.

“You’re right,” He mumbled into Reigen’s hair, “I am selfish. And I’m going to continue to stay with you, even if you hate me for it.”

Reigen stared at the ground between them.

“Because I know to be alone would kill us both.” Serizawa whispered the words over his head. Reigen felt the truth of them sink into him.

Serizawa pulled back.

Reigen became aware of someone lingering near the bench, a few paces away. Their footsteps against the gravel has slowed as they approached.

Reigen looked up, ready to berate the stranger for staring.

“Um, Arataka?” The woman’s uncertain voice echoed around Reigen’s head until he correctly identified it.

It had been a few years, but she hadn't aged—or changed at all really.

Her hair was still the same shade of strawberry blonde, her eyes still crinkled at the edges when she smiled, and her eyebrows still arched mischievously; all traits Reigen saw in his own mirage.

“Oh! It is you.” The woman said, touching the fabric shopper bag which dangled by her arm. “I was hoping to bump into you at the office. Um, what did you call it? Spirits and All?”

Reigen found his tongue. “Kimi?”

Serizawa made a small noise of confusion. “Who?”

Kimi looked between Serizawa and Reigen, a question passing over her face quickly as she answered it for herself. She stepped closer, but still idled a few paces away from the bench, hesitant to encroach on whatever bubble the two men had created for themselves.

Reigen smiled as wide as his lips could be persuaded without opening his stitches, “Kimi. She’s my sister.”

“So,” Reigen said, “What made you swing by the office?” He kept his voice light as they walked beside the river.

Really, he was wondering what curveball the universe was going to pelt him with next. He was waiting to be taken out by a falling piano, or a fluke lightening strike. Or, and perhaps more likely, a giant floating broccoli.

Instead, Kimi smiled and Reigen saw his sister. He saw her in the garden at their childhood home, chasing him around the koi pond. He saw her crying over exam results at the kitchen table. And then he saw her in front of him, hair frazzled and plastered to her forehead with the humidity. She looked well. He’d missed her.

Kimi’s mischievous resting face turned downright dastardly, and Reigen braced himself. “How long were you planning on keeping your secret, Taka?”

Reigen felt Serizawa’s surprise as he went tense beside him.

“What do you know?” Reigen asked slowly.

Kimi gestured between Reigen and Serizawa, “Mom told me you weren’t seeing anyone!”

Reigen blinked, slow to process, but Serizawa was already blushing.

“Oh. Oh,” Reigen looked at Serizawa for help, but he’d chosen this moment to freeze up. He still had trouble with strangers, especially unexpected strangers, especially unexpectedly busy-bodied strangers who snuck up on couples in parks.

“How long?” Kimi knocked shoulders with Reigen, and he was transported back twenty years, walking home from school. “And don’t try to play it off, I saw you two having a decidedly un-platonic moment when I was waiting for you to notice me.”

Once he’d recovered from the blast of nostalgia, Reigen said, “I don’t know. A day? Give or take a few hours”

Are we even dating? Did we give it a label? Should we give it a label?

Reigen's thoughts scrambled uselessly together into an omelette of mortification.

Kimi’s nose scrunched like she’d eaten something sour, “A day? That’s it?”

Reigen rolled his eyes. Kimi had been hoping for embarrassing stories.

Serizawa chuckled, “Unless you count the two years we were both secretly hoping the other would make the first move. We certainly aren’t…strangers.”

“Oh,” Kimi pushed past Reigen so that she was walking between the two men. She grabbed Serizawa’s arm, “You’re Serizawa, right?”

Serizawa looked like a fish out of water. “Y-yes?”

“I’ve heard so much about you.” Kimi said wickedly.

“Really?”

Reigen sighed, “I told her about you in one of our phone calls, back when I first hired you.”

Kimi raised her eyebrows at Reigen, “And every time after that.” She turned back to Serizawa, “I’d pretty much assumed you two were already dating, the way he spoke about you. I thought Taka didn’t tell Mom since he was scared she wouldn't accept him.”

“I don’t care about that.” Reigen said, though it had indeed been one of his fears. “Anyway, you were telling us why you came here?”

Kimi frowned, “I came to visit my brother—is that a problem?”

“No. I just thought it was strange, considering you’d never dropped by to visit me before in say, the last three or so years.”

She stopped in her tracks. Serizawa and Reigen were forced to stop on a dime, both stumbling slightly with the loss of momentum.

Kimi’s face had turned serious, and for a moment, Reigen inexplicably thought She’s going to tell me Mom’s dying too.

But she didn’t. She said, “Come here.”

And pulled him in for a hug.

Reigen tensed—he wasn’t usually a hugger, and neither was Kimi. But he patted her back and endured the hug anyway.

“You look like shit.” She said in a low voice.

“Hm, congratulations. You have eyes.” Reigen shot back.

“Don’t tell me your new boyfriend beats you—you can tell me if he does. I’ll kill him.”

“N-no!” Reigen stammered, pulling out of the hug, “Trust me, once you’ve spoken to him for more than a few minutes, you’ll realise you couldn’t pay him to hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. This is…more of an occupational hazard kind of thing.” Reigen touched his face. The painkillers had taken the edge off, but dull pain was still pain.

“Good. I was worried. Mom said you weren’t doing well.”

Reigen looked over to Serizawa, who was pointedly looking away, no doubt being respectful of what was turning out to be a very personal conversation.

“I have help. I’m not alone.”

Kimi nodded, “Good. I’m glad to hear it.” She leaned past Reigen, so that the conversation opened out to Serizawa again. “Serizawa, would you let me treat you to ramen? I’d love to know more about you.”

Reigen blanched at his own exclusion in this endeavour.

“Oh, thank you very much.” Serizawa said. He met Reigen’s eyes over Kimi, a faint humoured spark in them.

Perhaps treating friends to ramen was a Reigen family trait.

“Okay…” Kimi said as she slurped the last of her udon. “So you met when the head of a terrorist organisation tried to kill my brother…and you saved him?”

Serizawa shrugged, like someone might in response to a question about their job.

The ramen bar was thick with the air of a post-work night, bursting with businessmen and people a little too drunken to navigate the bar stools. Serizawa had to catch a man by the arm before he tipped over his ramen bowl.

Reigen had always felt comforted by nights like these, and since his sister had been present, he barely felt the oppression of the spirit baying in his head. It was almost easy to keep it locked away. He wondered if he’d scared it with the move he’d pulled earlier. Proved that he wasn’t messing around.

He rubbed a hand over his leg, palming the dressing beneath his slacks. The pain echoed in response to his touch.

“Hell of a meet cute.” Kimi said, “And you’re psychic too?”

Reigen pulled himself back into the conversation, “Serizawa is really psychic. Not like me. He could leave a smoking crater where you sat if he wanted, so don’t piss him off.”

Serizawa blustered, “I would never! Why would you say that?” He turned to Kimi, “I wouldn’t use my powers for something like that, I swear.”

Reigen shot Kimi a knowing look, and they shared their first sibling inside joke in a considerable number of years.

See? Reigen’s look said, He wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Kimi’s look shot back, Yeah, no kidding!

Aloud, Kimi said, “I know you wouldn’t. Taka has a strange knack for attracting very powerful people, but he has the sense to keep only the good ones around. And I get the sense you’re one of the good ones.”

Serizawa smiled, “I hope so.”

Reigen placed his spoon down, having managed a few sips of broth before his body reminded him of the day’s events and his appetite quietly slipped away.

“Kimi, you didn’t just come here to treat Katsuya to ramen.” Reigen reminded her. “I already asked you your intentions once.”

Kimi cocked her head, and though she didn’t seem offended, she was clearly disappointed her fun was ending. She didn't like to be serious unless she absolutely had to.

“Okay.” She sighed. “Mom sent me.”

Reigen choked, “What?”

She shrugged uneasily. “I guess she knew you might not respond well if she showed up at your office without warning.”

“Really.” Reigen said, his voice flat. “Well, she’d be correct in her assumption.”

“Don’t be shitty.” Kimi sighed, “She knows you’re struggling. Well, she is too. She just wants her son back.”

“So, what? She sent you as an olive branch?”

Kimi flashed a grin, and once again, he recognised something of himself in that persuasive smile of hers.

“I never cut her off. We still talk.” Reigen pointed out. He had started aimlessly stirring the broth in his bowl around with a chopstick while Serizawa watched him.

“On the phone,” She said, “but you refuse to join us for any other occasion. I’m starting to feel pretty abandoned, you know? I wouldn’t do well as an only child.”

“I came to your wedding, didn’t I?” Reigen said, though he understood his weak argument was being hastily dismantled by his sister, and by the look on Serizawa’s face, he wouldn’t find much support there either.

“Only because I made you come! And you showed up drunk.”

“I was not.”

“You were so drunk. And you spent the whole night talking everyone’s ear off about—” Kimi slowed her roll, and turned to Serizawa with a shit-eating grin on her face, “He wouldn’t stop talking about you. How you’d moved on to some office job, and that he’d be alone forever. It was honestly kind of pathetic, but he wears that pretty well, don’t you think?”

Reigen touched his cheek to confirm that, yes, all the blood had rushed to the surface. He closed his eyes and let his embarrassment roll down his back like an uncomfortable bead of sweat.

“R-really?” Serizawa asked. Reigen could hear the smile in his voice. “I had no idea it had upset you so much, Arataka.”

Reigen groaned, “Yeah, well it’s not the sort of thing I would talk to you about.”

Serizawa tapped his lip, “If I’d have known it hurt you so much, then—”

“What, are you saying if I’d run after you and confessed my feelings like a lovesick teenager, you would have stayed?”

Serizawa thought for a moment, then said, “Yes. Probably. If I’d known you felt the same way.”

Reigen felt like sinking from the bar stool and curling up on the floor.

Kimi’s laugh echoed between them both. She slapped the bar like the shoulder of an old friend, “You’re an idiot, brother!”

“Alright, alright. I get it.” Reigen murmured, but he caught Serizawa’s eyes across the bar and smiled. Serizawa was laughing too, his eyes were bright and alive. When he noticed Reigen looking at him, he faltered. He smiled that familiar gentle smile, the one he seemed to save for Reigen’s eyes.

He really wanted to kiss him.

He wondered, if they had been alone, would he? Even in the busy bar, with everyone around them? He probably would have.

Why had he told him to go? Oh, that’s right, because Reigen’s own body had become a weapon against Serizawa, slowly ticking down until the next incident. But now, all that felt so far away.

Beneath the bar, where no one could see, he held Serizawa’s hand.

“So, what do you think?” Kimi said, once she’d finished laughing.

“What about?”

“Coming back every once in a while. Coming home.” Kimi said. She looked down, “Once I have this kid, I’d want them to be able to meet their uncle.”

Serizawa’s hand squeezed Reigen’s, “You’re pregnant?” He exclaimed.

Kimi nodded, smiling faintly, “Guess so. I always kind of hoped Taka would have kids first, so I’d have a little preparation.”

Serizawa snorted, “He’s already got at least five kids.”

Reigen rolled his eyes, “Don’t listen to him. Mom told me—I’m happy for you. And of course, I’d love to visit you.”

“I heard a ‘but’ in there, Taka.” Kimi said sagely.

“My relationship with Mom is complicated. You can’t fix that.”

Kimi frowned, “I thought once Dad died, we’d all band together. But we didn’t. Then, you left.”

“You shouldn’t have to wait for someone to die to knit together a family. Don’t put it all on me.” Reigen warned, though he kept his words soft. He had no capacity for arguments right now. “There was a reason I stopped visiting. I’m not asking you to understand it, I’m just asking you to respect it.”

“I know, but…” Kimi shook her head, “I know you guys fell out. You and Dad never got along, and Mom could be…abrasive. I just hoped we could be a family again.”

“She hurt him.” This was Serizawa, speaking up. His voice was clipped, stern. “She hurt him, enough that he’s scared to come back home…He shouldn’t need another reason.”

Kimi had grown silent. She rolled her glass of water between her palms.

Reigen placed a hand on Kimi’s arm. “I can’t promise that I’ll make it a regular thing, but I’ll visit soon, okay?”

Kimi looked up, “That would be good. I miss you, Taka. And you seem…the way you look reminds me of Dad. How he was, when…I just don’t want to lose you too.”

Reigen swallowed the lump in his throat. He hadn't anticipated this, and he didn’t care if it was a guilt trip. He’d missed her, too. She knew how to make him laugh.

“You’re so dramatic,” He chuckled. “You shouldn’t worry about things like that.” He brightened up, “Especially with a tiny Kimi on the way!”

Kimi patted her stomach, “Let’s hope they take after their father. He has better hair.”

Reigen laughed, forcing Kimi’s last depressing comment from his head. Serizawa had grown silent, and was chewing his lip, staring into space.

Reigen watched him for a moment, absorbing Kimi’s chatter, the buzz of the bar.

“Hey, you okay?”

Serizawa jumped. “I’m okay.”

“You wanna get some air? I’m gonna go for a smoke, you’re welcome to come with.” Reigen said earnestly.

Serizawa looked around, inexplicably, then nodded. “That would be good.”

Reigen told Kimi they’d be a moment, then led Serizawa through the bar, weaving through the crowd. The interior of the bar was hot, even to Reigen with his constant bone-chill. By the time they’d reached the door, Serizawa had loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar. Sweat shone against his bruised neck.

Reigen pushed outside, pulling his pack of smokes from his pocket as he did. He leant against the wall and tapped out a cigarette. Serizawa stood in the doorway where Reigen had left him, watching carefully.

“What’s wrong?” Reigen said around the cigarette hanging from his teeth. He lit up and exhaled smoke.

“I think we should do it tonight.”

Reigen coughed, almost dropping his smoke. “What?”

“The spirit.” Serizawa said slowly, “I think we should try again to exorcise it tonight. I have an idea.”

“Oh. Right.” Reigen nodded, pretending he hadn’t been so easily derailed five seconds perviously. “What did you have in mind?”

Serizawa closed the door to the bar gently behind him, and joined Reigen in standing against the wall. He watched the smoke spiral between them. “You said there’s another me in the dream, right?”

Reigen nodded. He offered his cigarette to Serizawa, who waved it off.

“I thought…If I can’t exorcise it from out here, maybe he can, from inside?”

“That’s your plan?”

Serizawa shot him a look, offended.

“Uh, we can definitely try it.” Reigen said quickly, “I’m just not sure how easily he’ll, you know, leave the house.”

“I give you permission to drag him out of there if you have to.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

“I think it will. All this time, the spirit has been retreating deeper when I try to exorcise it. But if I try exorcising it from out here, while the other me tries from within the dream, that means—”

“It’ll have nowhere to run.” Reigen chuckled, “That’s actually not a bad plan.”

Serizawa’s hand found Reigen’s again, and he laced his fingers through. “I told you. I’m going to save you.”

Reigen lifted their hands, entwined, and pressed a kiss to Serizawa’s knuckles. “I believe you.”

“We should go back inside, before your sister thinks you’ve abandoned the entire family.”

Reigen raised an eyebrow, “Thin ice, Katsuya. Come on.”

They headed back inside, and found Kimi sat at the bar, polishing off the bowl of ramen that Reigen had barely touched.

“You better be paying for that, too.” Reigen said as they approached.

Kimi pushed the bowl away. “I barely touched it.”

Reigen took his seat beside her.

“You stink of smoke.” Kimi said, “You got that particular habit from Mom.”

Reigen nodded—it was true that a childhood of running out to buy cigarettes for his mother had invariably led to an addiction of his very own. It could have been a worse vice, he supposed. Still, sometimes he wished he’d inherited a more useful talent. As it stood, the only things he thanked his mother for was his intolerance for alcohol and straight teeth. Both had saved him money.

“I’m sorry I came here under false pretences.” Kimi was pulling out a few notes from her purse and tossing them on the bar. “But I’m glad I got to meet you, Serizawa. It’s good to know my brother has someone holding him back by the collar before he tosses himself into danger.”

Reigen sighed, and Serizawa’s grin widened. 

“It was nice to meet you too.” Serizawa said, all poise and decorum.

Both siblings were charmed.

Kimi turned to Reigen.“Will I see you at home sometime, Taka?”

“Sure.” Reigen said. He got up and hugged her, since it felt wrong to just let her leave and apparently they’d become huggers in their old age.

“And Serizawa, you’re welcome to come too! I’ll bring the husband, we can double date—maybe that’ll make it run a little smoother.”

As they hugged, Kimi murmured in his ear, “I’m worried about you. Tell me you’re okay.”

Reigen felt his heart sink lower than ever. “I’m okay.” He said.

“Okay then.” She said. She pulled back and the careless smile was back, as though it had never been dislodged.

She threw her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you soon, huh Serizawa?”

Serizawa laughed, “Of course!”

Reigen nodded, “Sure.”

They watched her leave.

“Can we get a drink?” Reigen asked.

Chapter Text

Hello, farewell to your love and soul.

Dreams Never End by New Order

As he smoked on Serizawa’s balcony that night, Reigen felt pinned beneath the thumb of something eldritch and unknowable.

That was to say, something had changed in the nature of his waking world. This, he knew. Something that couldn’t be changed back, or fixed. The damn in his head, which had been slowly wearing down, chip by shard, had finally crumbled. Whatever had rushed through the cracks was more present that before. In his waking hours, it lived in the peripherals of Reigen’s vision, in the shadows, in the silence between words and whispers in the wind. It wanted him to know he was being watched, that it was waiting for him to drop his guard.

Reigen didn’t know why it hadn’t taken him over again since it had attacked Serizawa. Reigen felt its power, always there, always buzzing in the tips of his fingers. If he tried, he was sure he could use the energy. So he didn’t believe it didn’t have enough power to take him.

Reigen pulled his phone out.

It was almost midnight, but he had a message from Tome.

Are you okay?

Reigen tapped his cigarette out on the railing and tossed it in the ashtray that had been hastily provided by Serizawa. Really, it was an ex-plant pot that had recently found a new career in catching Reigen’s cigarette butts, but it made him feel at home.

He wondered if Tome was just as unable to sleep as he was, stuck replaying the events of the day.

He thumbed through his contacts until he found her name—‘Tome (Assistant)’—and called her. It was only two rings before she picked up.

“Reigen?” Her voice croaked out of the receiver.

“Yeah.” He said. “That’s in answer to your question, by the way. What about you? Can't sleep?”

Her sigh rattled in his ear. “No. I’m wide awake.”

Reigen hummed in thought. “Me too.”

“I just keep thinking about what I could’ve done better. To avoid how it turned out.”

“Nothing. Either you went there alone, didn’t call me, and got hurt. Or, you didn’t answer Mrs Makoto’s call and she got hurt instead. I’d much rather get a little beat up if it means no one else got hurt.”

“Huh. Didn’t know you were so selfless.”

“How insulting. My entire business is built around selflessness, born out of the genuine goodness of my heart.” Reigen boasted.

“Yeah, okay.” Tome said, “Call me back when you come back down from whichever planet you’re currently on.”

“Alright, alright.” Reigen chuckled. “What can I say? Serizawa brings it out of me.”

The line was silent for a moment. He wondered if Tome had hung up. He looked out over the balcony, down at the city below.

It was a better view than Reigen had at his own apartment—Serizawa lived a floor above the max height of the surrounding buildings, making the balcony something of a crow’s nest. The velvet night seemed to roll out endlessly, only marred by the stars and the moon, like moth-eaten holes in some great, ancient cloth.

He wished that watching the sky would make his problems insignificant, small enough to roll up and toss over the edge of the balcony. But it didn’t.

It made him feel small, but not insignificant. Because he couldn’t help his significance. Not anymore.

“We’re seeing each other. Me and Serizawa.” He said, surprising himself with his sudden admission. “Or, I guess, whatever kids these days call it. Well, it’s only been a day. But I thought you should know—I don’t want to have to sneak around you like a pair of pre-teens.”

Tome laughed, loud enough to echo across the rooftops. Reigen was waiting for her to point out that she had already known, because she probably had. But as her laughter slowed to a chuckle, she said, “I’m glad.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. You know, I’ve never told you this before, but I guess you’re pretty good people. Actually, really good. Having the office, this job, knowing I’ve always got somewhere I can come when…it means a lot to me.” Tome said soberly. It was strange to hear her speak so openly, her voice so quiet, but it had been a strange day all in all. “You both mean a lot to me. So, I’m glad. That you’ve got someone like that too.”

Despite the evening chill, Reigen felt warm. “Thank you, Tome. You’re always welcome.” He could have told her she was like a surrogate daughter to him, that if she asked for a place to stay he’d have a room ready within the hour—but he didn’t. It wasn’t his place, really.

“You know?” Tome’s voice sounded thick, like she had a mouthful of yarn, “I think I just yawned.”

“Was I boring you?”

“No…Just, I guess now that I know you’re okay…”

Reigen nodded knowingly, though she couldn’t see it. He’d worried about her, too. “Get some sleep. Don’t worry about swinging by the office tomorrow. I doubt we’ll be opening. Focus on studying!”

Tome laughed, “I will. Thanks.”

“Good night, Tome.”

“Night.” She said, and hung up.

Reigen flipped his phone closed and dropped it in the pocket of his sweatpants. Sparks flew into the dark sky from the smouldering cigarette in the plant pot. He watched them spiral upwards, joining the stars in the velvet night.

For the first time in years, he spared a thought for his father. Just a small one. He didn’t know where it had come from, emerging from a dark and dusty corner of his memory. But it was there, nonetheless. He wondered what his father would think of him now.

Then he took a deep breath, turned, and pulled open the door. He stepped back into the warm embrace of Serizawa’s apartment. Inside, the TV buzzed vaguely in the background, but the couch was empty. The tie Serizawa had gifted him was still folded on the coffee table, where he’d left it the night before. He wondered how it had only been a day.

Serizawa had turned on lamps in a path to the kitchen, so Reigen followed. He could hear the chaotic sounds of clattering dishes and an overhead fan. When he padded into the kitchen, he found Serizawa’s oversized form bent over the stovetop, frantically scraping away at a frying pan.

“Hey.” Reigen announced his presence and sat on the edge of the kitchen table.

Serizawa’s shoulders lurched upwards—he still wasn’t quite used to having Reigen in his apartment, though he would most likely die sooner than admit that. He deftly disguised his surprise, and turned to face Reigen with a nervous energy that he seemed to have in infinite supply.

“I made dinner.” Serizawa said, holding up the frying pan, whose contents smelled grease-soaked and spicy.

“Looks great.” Reigen said.

Serizawa’s bright expression didn’t falter, “Even if you have no appetite, you should try to eat. You know, to keep your strength up.”

“I said it looked great.”

Serizawa turned his nose upwards, “Your eyes said otherwise…And you said I’m the one with a terrible poker face.”

Reigen took this on the chin. “I really like you. Anyone else would be in serious trouble of getting sued for slander with comments like those.”

“I’m glad I happen to be on your good side.” Serizawa was plating up the indiscernible beige mass he’d cooked up—Reigen was usually partial to anything beige and fried, something that Serizawa knew and had most likely leveraged in an attempt to persuade him to eat. But Reigen’s appetite had been dwindling by the day, and now the thought of putting that anywhere near his mouth was enough to raise the hairs on his arms.

Serizawa pushed the plate into Reigen’s hands, “Just try it.”

Reigen nodded. He stayed perched on the edge of the table, while Serizawa lingered by the stove—he made no move to dish up his own meal.

Reigen nibbled the edge of what was turning out to be an omelette of some sort, while Serizawa chattered and consolidated the mess he’d made of the kitchen into the sink.

“Your sister seemed nice,” Serizawa said, scooping Reigen neatly into an easy conversation.

“I’m glad you think so.” Reigen said honestly. Maybe Serizawa meeting his family wasn’t such a bad idea after all. “She’s a kind woman, but she’s not often nice, so she must’ve liked you. She was on her best behaviour.”

Serizawa paused by the sink. “Did you think about what she said?”

Reigen hummed his affirmation, and covertly spat his mouthful of omelette back onto the plate. He gave up trying to eat.

Serizawa politely pretended not to notice. “So you think you’ll visit?”

“That depends…Would you come with me if I did?” Reigen asked.

“Of course I will. I’d love to.”

Reigen held up a hand, “I’d save that enthusiasm until after you meet my mother.”

Serizawa huffed, “You’ve met mine. You know my…complications. It only seems fair that I share yours too.”

“Then, consider yourself welcome to rifle through my dirty laundry.”

Serizawa’s nose wrinkled. “Thanks.”

Reigen tipped the remains of the omelette into a container. “Sorry. I tried.”

“I know.” Serizawa said, “Your appetite is getting worse.”

“I don’t know if you happened to notice,” Reigen said, flicking Serizawa’s collar with a twitch of his finger, catching sight of the bruises, “It’s all getting worse.”

“You haven’t been taken over again though. Have you?”

Reigen shook his head no. “I can still feel it there. Although, I didn’t feel its presence when we were with Kimi—or, at least, it wasn’t pressing up against the back of my fucking eyelids.” He pressed the heels of his hands into the hollows of his eyes, as if he could force the spirit back, away, away, away.

“Hey,” Serizawa murmured, and then his hands were gently easing Reigen’s away from his face, “You only have to hold on for tonight. When you wake up tomorrow, the spirit will be gone. Nothing but a dream.”

“I don’t know what to do if this doesn’t work.” Reigen admitted.

“Are you scared?” Serizawa asked. He wasn’t taunting, it was just his naivety showing through with his own fear.

Reigen understood.

“Yes.” He answered honestly. “But not like I was before. I’m ready for it to be over. One way or another.”

Serizawa brushed Reigen’s hair away, fingers tracing the cuts on his face, the whirls on the pads of his fingertips catching on the butterfly stitches. He rubbed a thumb over Reigen’s brow, smoothing down the lines there.

“I don’t like the way you said that.” Serizawa murmured.

“Not gonna sugarcoat it. But I think we have a better shot with two of you. A Serizawa exorcising from the inside, and you on the outside. That’s a better chance than I would ever have on my own.”

“I don’t know about that. I think you’d always find a way.”

Reigen hummed uncertainly.

Despite everything, he felt safe. And incredibly guilty. The sort of guilt that, left unchecked, gnawed away and left unsightly holes.

“I know I’ve already thanked you, but—”

Serizawa nodded, “I know. You can thank me in the morning. For now, you should try to get some sleep.”

He felt Serizawa rest his chin on his forehead, his breath twitching Reigen’s hair. He curled his fingers into Serizawa’s shirt and held himself there. Without Serizawa’s help, where would he be? Perhaps at home, stuck in bed, waiting for the mystery illness and strange dreams to blow over. Or perhaps in hospital, surrounded by puzzled doctors and a family that had seen something similar take his father. There was no way of knowing that this was the right path, but he was glad he wasn’t doing it alone.

A hot pain shot through his head, behind his eyes, enough to make him suck in a sharp breath. His headache was getting worse. Serizawa’s hand squeezed his.

“Are you—”

Reigen blinked. His eyes were closed for no more than half a second, but he opened his eyes and he was no longer in the kitchen.

Serizawa was holding his arm, helping him walk through the living room.

There had been no transition between standing in the kitchen in Serizawa’s arms, and here—just a blink of nothing. He couldn’t remember leaving the room.

He looked up to Serizawa, who smiled gently.

Reigen squinted through eyelids that didn’t blink when he told them to. He felt a distant panic, but a heavy daze had fallen over him which smoothed the edges off, making it hard for him to process what was happening.

His legs dragged beneath him. He stumbled.

Serizawa made a noise of surprise, his hand tightening on Reigen’s arm. “What happened? Did you trip?”

Reigen shook his head, and the shooting pain behind his eyes deepened. He stopped. He blinked again, and this time, Serizawa was in front of him shaking him.

“Sorry, I—” Reigen pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead. “Sorry, it just feels like my head is splitting in half.” He screwed his eyes shut, until his vision went white with the pressure. It did something to alleviate the pain, but it rushed back as soon as he eased up.

He blinked again, and Serizawa’s hand was on his forehead.

“You’re so cold.” Serizawa was saying, his voice pitched with shock and a twinge of fear. “Let’s get you to bed.”