Chapter Text
Lo'ak sat quiet during dinner, just as as always. Jake and Tonowari conversed as Neytiri made sure Tuk had food in her mouth. Tsireya and Kiri were gossiping as Aonung and Rotxo had a mini food fight under the table before being yelled at by Ronal.
Again, he was ignored. He'd grown used to the feeling, beginning to hate attention. Ever since Neteyam's passing, he became cold and distant. Even to Tsireya who couldn't even tell her if he felt sad or happy. "Nothing." is what he'd say when she asked.
"Yo, Lo'ak. You haven't touched your food." Aonung called out, his attention panning to the younger boy after being scolded by his mother for throwing fish bones at Rotxo.
"Are you not hungry, Lo'ak?" Jake had asked. Suddenly, all eyes were on him— except for Tuk, of course. She was too busy swaying her feet while chewing.
"No, I, uh…" He looked around, feeling insecure as eyes bore into him. Neytiri, who sat to his right, held his shoulder. Even the touch of his own mother made him jump and he swears he saw a glint of hurt in her eye.
"If you're not hungry, you're free to return to the pod. Do not force yourself."
Lo'ak nodded, standing up from where he was previously seated. "If that's the case, then I'm going back to my pod if anyone… needs… me…"
Before anyone could question him, he was already walking away, his tail hanging low instead of swishing around like it usually did.
Ronal frowned as everyone got back to what they were doing, not even noticing how the younger boy left in such sorrow. Her eyes darted to Jake and Neytiri who seemed perfectly fine with their son's absence.
What made it even worse was that when Kiri stood up to go to the bathroom, they acted like she was gonna disappear forever.
It made her blood boil. No child should be treated like they were worth less than their siblings. As a Tsahik herself, she wondered how Neytiri didn't receive the negative energy that had been radiating off her son for months since Neteyam's fall.
Ronal stood up, eyes boring into Neytiri's soul, yet as she spoke, she didn't speak to her. "I shall excuse myself for a moment. Please, do not await my arrival."
She walked away without another glance, not even to Tonowari who said she should finish her food for the baby to thrive. The baby was in her body, and Eywa told her she was healthy. What did Tonowari know?
The Tsahik made her way to Lo'ak's pod, only to find it empty just as she assumed. After looking around for some time, she saw him sitting on the sand, far from the village itself. He hugged his knees to his chest and hid his face in between them. It must've been a thing that he was taught by Jake, as it was an unusual stance for Na'vis.
When she approached the boy, she heard his sobs that made her heart wrench. It made her want to run over to him and place his head on her chest as she told him that everything was going to be okay.
"Child, are you okay?" Ronal called out, the young boy immediately wiping away his tears and sitting down with his legs crossed.
"Yes, why do you ask?" He lied straight through his teeth. If there was one thing Ronal hated the most, it was liars, yet she couldn't bring herself to angrily call Lo'ak out for lying, since she knew he wasn't only lying to her. He was lying to himself.
She sat next to the younger boy, her legs crossed just like his. "It's not always good to bottle everything up, child."
Lo'ak frowned, looking down at his lap. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Just a pathetic sob as the tears began to resurface.
"You are pained, Lo'ak. They don't appreciate you like they should. They toss you to the side like you are disposable, but you know that is not what you deserve." She put a hand on his head, stroking his braided hair in a way that was unfamiliar to him.
He always saw how parents would do that to their children in an act of fondness. How Ronal and Tonowari did it to Aonung, Tsireya, and even Rotxo despite him not being their child. And even how Neytiri and Jake did it to Neteyam, Kiri, and Tuk, but never to him.
"They don't understand you, and you think they never will."
As much as Lo'ak wanted to say that she was wrong, she was a Tsahik. Tsahiks are never wrong.
"You're just a child, fighting for your spot in a world of adults who expect you to be just like them just because you bear their blood. They expect you to move on even though they themselves hadn't."
Even when the young Omatikaya tried to speak, he was only met with a sob. Ronal brought his head into her chest, letting him cry as she wrapped her arms around him like he wished his own mother would.
"You don't deserve this, my son."
My son. The two words his father never called him. The two words his mother always avoided saying. It was always your son. But they never called him theirs. At least not that he's heard them.
If he hadn't already, he began to break down. His hand hung on her forearm, and she hugged him tighter.
"It hurts, it hurts so much. I just want them to be proud of me, why isn't anyone proud of me?!" Lo'ak cried harder, his voice cracking every now and then.
Ronal shushed him repeatedly, hoping to make the crying stop. It broke her heart with every sob that came out. If she could, she would take Lo'ak's pain away, making sure Jake and Neytiri never see him again.
"They always ignore me, it's like I'm never there. I'm a disappointment to them. Father is probably sad that I'm going to be his successor. Hell! When Tuk grows up, he'll probably replace me for her. I can never fucking be good enough!"
Some words he blurted in English, but Ronal didn't need to know the language to understand his pain. A single tear escaped her eye as she felt his pain.
Lo'ak's other hand crumpled in the sand, trying to find something to hold onto as his cries only became louder.
If his father saw him like this, he was sure to be in for a scolding.
"You are a warrior, Lo'ak. Stop crying and act like it." He knew he would say.
No one understood him, and he knew that Ronal didn't either. Yet he still clung onto her, just wanting to be in someone's arms for once.
"You've done the best you can despite knowing there was going to be no reward. I will be your mother in times like this. In times your parents fail you. Just come to me, and I will treat you as my own. You deserve better, Lo'ak. I'm so proud of you."
His cries quieted down by the last sentence. Someone was… proud of him? But what had he done to make anyone proud? He was a failure, a disappointment. He didn't deserve to live while his brother died. Sometimes, he wishes it was him who had been taken by that bullet.
He realized that he had said all of his thoughts out loud when he heard Ronal responding to them.
"You're not a failure. You are a warrior fighting your own wars. Even if I am not your mother by blood, I will always make sure you are loved like you're my own. And don't ever think that you deserve death, for there are people who care, people who love you. You tried hard, even though you knew there was going to be no outcome. It is time to rest, my baby."
My baby. The words rang through his head in comfort but also unfamiliarity. He always heard Jake say it to Kiri, but never to him despite the two being the same age.
Maybe he just wasn't worthy of being their child. Their lack of care for him said enough.
But Ronal did. Tonowari did. Tsireya, Rotxo, and fuck, even Aonung did. They treated him like family more than his own.
Ronal sang to him, still holding his body in her arms just like she had done with her own children. Lo'ak felt his eyes become heavy, listening to her sweet voice.
As he felt himself drift off into slumber, tears never stopped flowing from his cheeks. He was cared for. He was loved.