Chapter Text
Zack closed his eyes, accepting the fact that he will never be able to open them ever again. He felt his limbs go numb, his senses go dull, and his mind go silent…
And then he heard a loud thud . Shocked by the sound, he opened his eyes. He stared up, uncomprehending of the fact that not only could he still hear, he could also see, and smell, and breathe.
Against all odds, he was alive. He placed his right hand on his chest, marveling at the fact that he could feel his heart beating. “Alive,” he breathed, as if saying the word out loud would make it more real.
He wondered how he survived through that whole ordeal, and looked down at where he knew his injuries were supposed to be.
Instead of bullet wounds and blood and a destroyed SOLDIER uniform, however, what he saw was his favorite Cactuar T-shirt, faded from continuous wears and washes. He definitely remembers throwing the shirt away the night after he turned 14 because he ripped a giant hole through the back of it while running around Midgar the first time he got there.
Even if she somehow managed to stitch it back to usefulness, it wouldn’t change the fact that the shirt would have been much too small for his 18…no, 22 year old body.
He looked at his too small shirt and his too thin arms and his too smooth hands…
“No fucking way…”
Zack stood up quickly, rushing towards the nearest mirror. He had to see it. The Zack of before , before Nibelheim, before Sephiroth, before Angeal, and SOLDIER, and Shinra.
The first thing he saw was his awful bedhead. ‘Betcha the ladies would love that…’ He tried to wrestle with the dark strands, but after 4 painful snags from the tangles, he gave up.
“Was I wrestling with my blankets or something?” he asked incredulously. He stared at his young, round, chubby cheeks from the mirror, and had the sudden urge to pinch it. And so he did.
The sensation reminded him of Cloud, somehow. Even his new(old?) shorter height reminded him of the blond. “I wonder if he made it to Midgar alright… ugh…” He shook his head and closed his eyes. If he really did go back in time, then that means Cloud hasn’t become an experiment yet, either. ‘No need to worry about him, yet.’
He finally decided to look at the one thing he really wanted to see from his reflection. He was equal parts dreading and looking forward to what he’d see. Maybe it would be the indigo color he used to have, before he joined Shinra and SOLDIER, and the mako changed… tainted it…
…Blue.
No. Not just blue.
‘A SOLDIER trademark. Color of the sky, right?’
His body went cold. He couldn’t look away from it. ‘Am I marked by them forever?’ His vision began to spin and he noticed that his lungs hurt. He hadn’t even noticed he’d stopped breathing.
Yet, even through his blurry vision, he could see the haunting green of the mako glow in his eyes.
The cold feeling in his body was quickly replaced with hot burning rage .
”NO!!!” he roared, lashing out at the reflection, breaking the mirror with his bare(small, fragile, weak ) hands.
He didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want it.
No, never again.
He heard heavy footsteps urgently stomping up the stairs. “Zack!? Are you alright!?” his mother’s voice called out.
“Mom…” he whispered, getting hit by the overwhelming feeling of longing . “Mom, I’m okay…” he replied, voice cracking, hoping to assuage her worries.
His bedroom door opened, and his mom rushed to him immediately. “‘Okay’ my left foot!” she cried, trying to sweep the broken glass away with her sandaled feet while simultaneously wiping away the blood from his knuckles with the handkerchief she always has with a level of coordination and preparedness only an exasperated mother could have.
“Baby, what happened?” she asked, inspecting his hand for any embedded pieces of glass. After finding nothing, she sighed in relief.
“It was an accident…” he replied weakly, embarrassed with his childish behavior. He might look like a child, but he was still an adult in mind and soul. He shouldn’t be acting like this!
“This isn’t because your father and I disapproved of you joining SOLDIER yesterday, is it?”
Zack looked at his mom, at her tired face and her downturned lips and her glassy eyes. ‘She looks exactly as I remember,’ he realized. He even remembers her wearing this exact outfit, and the bag he packed the night before right after the argument he had with his parents about his desire to become a SOLDIER.
This would have been the last day he ever saw his mom and dad.
He realizes that the loud thud that woke him up was the packed bag that had fallen off his bed after he’d accidentally kicked it in his sleep.
‘Restless, like a little puppy.’
He felt fat tears fall down his cheeks, and his mom moved immediately, pulling him into her embrace. “Shhh, Zack, baby. Don’t cry, mom is right here.” She soothed him, patting his hair and humming. “Does your hand hurt? Let’s get this cleaned up downstairs,” she urged, “Your know how good dad is at first-aid right? Your hand will be good as new!”
“No,” he sobbed, a big hiccup stopping the words from coming out. He buried his face in his mom’s warmth, trying to get some strength from her mere presence. “No, I…” he tried again, “... I’m not joining SOLDIER. I’m never joining SOLDIER.”
His mom gasped softly, freeing him from her embrace. She looked at his messy black hair and his round shiny eyes and soft red cheeks, wiping his tears and snot and detangling his hair in a few expert strokes. “Zack, you know you don’t have to say–”
“I mean it, mom,” he answered with conviction. “I’m never becoming SOLDIER, or joining Shinra.”
His whole demeanor must have been convincing, because his mom smiled widely. “Oh, Zack! I know you’d understand!”
She enveloped him in another hug. Zack could tell how happy his words made her, so he felt bad about lying to her.
‘Yeah, I’m never joining Shinra. I’m doing the exact opposite of joining them.’
Well, he didn’t lie directly, but lying by omission is still lying.
He looked over his mother’s shoulder and eyed his packed bag lying on the floor. He might not need it to go to Midgar, but he still needed it for a different destination.
West instead of East.
Wutai.